The Fate of the First Hero of Light
The thick Jungle of Golmore.
Estonix is running through the jungle following a beautiful woman, she has the ears of a hare.
"MJRN PLEASE STOP!" screams Estonix.
"..."
The Viera keeps on running homewards to the village of Eruyt.
"Please Mjrn listen to me!"
The Viera finally stops, she faces Estonix with her back towards him.
"Estonix let us stop this. You know our love will not be accepted..."
"No, I will find a way! Please come back with me!"
Mjrn puts her face in her hands.
"...no...stay...away...from..me..."
"Mjrn what are you saying?"
Estonix rushes towards her he puts his hands on her shoulders.
She turns around still holding her face in her hands.
"Estonix I know you only love Zelda." says Mjrn.
"NO, THAT IS NOT TRUE!"
"WHAT ESTONIX! ARE YOU SAYING YOU DO NOT LOVE ME?!"
"Mjrn?"
Estonix looks towards her, she lifts up her face from her hands.
Estonix falls over.
Her face is the same as the "beast"!
She looks like Zelda!
"YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME ESTONIX!" says Zelda taking off her hair's band with the ears of a hare fixed upon it.
"AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!"
Estonix wakes up he is sweating, breathing heavily, he was crying.
"Estonny did you have a bad dream again?"
"ZELDA STAY AWAY!"
Estonix wants to flee.
A naked figure sits upright, she has the ears of a hare.
"MJRN MY LOVE!"
Estonix tightly embraces his precious Mjrn.
"Uh?!"
"MJRN WE WILL BE WED SOON! DO NOT WORRY!"
"Thank you Estonny I cannot wait!" says Mjrn she falls over instantly asleep again.
The next morning.
Estonix and Mjrn leave one of the metal rooms in the underground complex hollowed out underneath Geir's home in the Dwarven realm.
Estonix smells a smell most fragrant.
"Vivilara's cooking what a feast! Oops I meant what a treat!"
"Hahahahahaha."
Mjrn laughs at Estonix she always enjoys his foolishness's.
She holds his hand, he squeezes hers tightly.
They move up the stairs, towards the dining room.
The meal is ready.
Mountains upon mountains of terribly prepared food lay spread upon the table.
"I CANNOT WAIT!" says Estonix out of pure excitement.
"Me as well!" says Mjrn.
They wait anxiously for everyone to assemble.
Geir's Grandmother Esdeath finally arrives.
They all sit down.
After praying for everyone to the wood, Mjrn holding her eating utensil in her hands.
When the prayer was finished...
"ATTACK! I MEAN THANK YOU FOR THE FOOD!" screams Estonix.
Like viscous beasts that have never eaten even once in a thousand suncycles.
The table goers descend upon the unexpecting meals!
Not even short moments pass, all the food has been consumed.
Estonix, Mjrn and the other feast goers desperately search the table and immediate vicinity for the tiniest scrap of fallen food.
"Vivilara did you perhaps misplace some food somewhere?" asks Estonix searching for the Dark Elf.
"I will be there shortly..."
Estonix hears a distant voice inside of the kitchen.
"IT CANNOT BE!" screams the table's guests.
The Dark Elf appears carrying mountains upon mountains of burnt and undercooked foods.
"A SECOND HELPING!"
Like viscous beasts that have never eaten even once in two thousand suncycles.
They descend upon the unsuspecting meals once more!
The Dark Elf stands basking in her own mastery of the arts of culinary perfection.
Only Geir is suffering alone.
"Must I eat once more?" he thinks to himself.
His stomach is aching and is swollen from the pain of eating too much too fast.
Shakingly he extends his hands to take a piece of the overcooked fowl that sits served upon the table.
Before he can touch it.
The Mighty Dwarven Warrior Thandall Deepstand grabs the whole bird and eats it in one gulp.
"Vivilara my little lassie there is no cook greater than you!"
The Dark Elf blushes.
"Thank you Great Father Thandall!"
Finally the beasts who have now eaten more than enough to make up for their thousand's of a suncycles fast, have been satiated.
Outside of the open door of Geir's house voices are heard.
"THAT WONDROUS SMELL!"
"My friend that pleasant smell! It is Lady Vivilara's fine cooking!"
"I hope there is some left!"
The Knight, the Fire Mage and Zelda rush into the house.
"OUR LADY!"
"Lady Vivilara!"
"Vivilara!"
The party's spirits drop.
They can see the empty plates and the empty bowls.
"Do not worry my friends please be seated."
"THANK YOU HOLY MOTHER!" says the Knight shedding two tears of joy.
"This is wonderful!" screams the happy Fire Mage.
"I cannot wait!" screams Zelda.
Their meals have been finished.
"Vivilara I will prepare the tea. Please eat." says Geir's Grandmother.
The Dark Elf takes her massive plate the food is piled into a large heap upon it.
Not even two instances pass.
The food has been consumed.
The tea has been sipped and drank.
Before the day can begin.
Geir stumbles towards his great chair.
"With cooking this good no wonder each day he suffers." says the Fire Mage.
"ALWAYS THE SAME WITH THE FIEND! HE CANNOT CONTROL HIMSELF EATING LIKE A WILD BEAST!" says the Knight.
Geir has been healed from the shock of eating so much terrible food.
A meeting is held in the drawing room.
"Geir the countries want to hold an emergency meeting regarding Monsieur Pantomimer's evil doings. They want to devise a plan to find him. What should I do?" asks Zelda.
"Zelda my Grandmother already killed the Monsieur."
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" screams Zelda.
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? Geir, Estonix what are you two doing now?" a voice from the next room.
Geir's Grandmother Esdeath walks into the room.
"TEELA DID YOU KILL THE MONSIEUR?"
"Yes, he tried to rob me."
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" screams Zelda's party.
"I was walking home after work from the Union. In the distance there was a commotion. When I arrived there was a robbery in progress I decided not to intervene..."
"NOT INTERVENE! LADY ESDEATH WHY DID YOU NOT STOP THE SCOUNDRELS?"
"Sir Hunfrey I am not part of the constabulary. The Taduc Union's creation was in part to stop me from doing as I please. If I had intervened there would be political and financial ramifications."
"FORGIVE ME LADY ESDEATH!"
"Do not be concerned."
"Please Teela hurry tell me how you found the Monsieur!" screams Zelda.
"When I had walked past the scene of the crime I turned the corner. There was standing a pathetic person with a twirled mustache cackling at me. He held a knife and told me many interesting things."
"INTERESTING THINGS!?"
"What he would do to me if I did not do as he commanded."
The Knight hits the table out of pure rage, he stands up.
Gnashing his teeth so hard together it is audible.
"LADY ESDEATH IF ONLY I HAD BEEN THERE!"
"Sir Hunfrey..."
Geir's Grandmother looks on in endearment at the Knight's display of concern towards her safety.
"FORGET ABOUT ALL THAT! TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED?" screams Zelda.
"I wanted to take him to "that" place. But when I grabbed him by the neck. I ripped his head off by mistake."
"EEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
Zelda's neck hair is standing up straight and a cold shiver runs down her spine.
She almost instantly imagines how this scene would have looked.
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! There is no one as fierce as my little girl!" laughs the Mighty Dwarf heartily.
"Great Father!" says Geir's Grandmother while blushing.
Geir sees this and wishes he could jump off a roof somewhere.
"Teela why did his head come off?" asks the Fire Mage.
"Sir Izdryn I am unsure myself."
Everyone turns to look towards Geir.
"Geir?" asks Zelda.
"How the hell would I know?"
"I SEE...THEN THIS MYSTERY IS UNSOLVABLE." says the Knight.
"Yes, it is impossible. We will never know." says Zelda.
Everyone agrees it will forever be unknown.
SMACK
Geir hits his head with his hand in astonishment.
"UNBELIEVABLE!"
"Geir what is wrong?!" screams Zelda.
"Are you not even going to try and solve this?!"
"Geir if you cannot do it. What can we do?"
Someone sighs deeply and dramatically.
"Claurilly I always knew you had suffered. But to face this foolishness daily must be too much..."
CRASH
Estonix barely missed the crystal vase Zelda was aiming to kill him with.
"ENOUGH!" screams Geir.
"This is what the most logical explanation would be..."
Many explanations pass.
"So in short because he was recently reanimated, his body had not properly reconstructed and Princess Teela's beastlike strength tore his weakened muscles and broke his brittle bones, then finally detaching his head." says the Fire Mage.
"EEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
Zelda hearing this shivers in disgust.
"Yes."
"THANK YOU HOLY MOTHER FOR THIS BLESSING!" says the relieved Knight.
"Where did you put it Grandmother?"
"Geir it is behind the counter."
Geir moves and fetches a bloodied grain sack.
"GEIR WHAT IS THAT?" screams the horrified Zelda.
"Here Zelda take this. Go tell the other leaders Monsieur Pantomimer is dead."
Geir throws the bloody sack towards the Fire Mage.
He catches it and opens it.
The Knight and Fire Mage studies the contents.
"THIS IS DEFINITELY THAT FIENDS HEAD! YOUR MAJESTY WE SHOULD MAKE HASTE TO SHARE THE NEWS OF THIS GOOD FORTUNE WITH THE OTHER LANDS!" says the Knight taking the bloody sack with him.
"Geir what happened to the rest of the Monsieur?" asks the Fire Mage.
"Do not be concerned Sir Izdryn I disposed of his remains." says Geir's Grandmother.
"Teela..." the Fire Mage stares intensely at Geir's Grandmother.
She avoids direct eye contact with the Fire Mage.
"I may have kept just a little bit. To experiment on."
BAM
Geir hits her on the head with a chop of his hand.
"What the hell are you doing?!"
"OW!"
"Look in her room." says the Dark Elf.
"NO, STOP DO NOT!"
Geir leaves...
Esdeath rushes to follow him, trying to block his path.
Soon the rest of Monsieur Pantomimer is produced.
Each limb closed in its own bloody grain sack.
"EEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
Zelda is gritting her teeth in disgust at seeing this.
Finally the morrows excitement has passed.
The Knight has all the various parts of the Monsieur in a large tarp that is folded closed.
"Geir can you please come with us?" asks Zelda.
"Zelda I am sorry the Tulok tribe is at war at the moment. I must lead the campaign. Estonny please assist Zelda..."
"NO, GEIR NOT AGAIN! PLEASE HAVE YOUR WAR AT ANOTHER TIME!"
Zelda is reliving the most horrible scenes she has ever seen once more.
"Zelda I cannot. Estonny will you help her?"
"Well about that..." says Estonix also remembering the most horrid memories he has ever seen.
Someone runs into Geir's home.
The person has a bloodied white parka on.
"WARCHIEF! IT IS THE BLOOD MOON TRIBE! THEY HAVE ATTACKED!"
"DEKNA WHERE ARE THEY?" screams Geir.
He already has his broadsword ready and is putting on his completely bloodied red parka.
"Grandmother we are leaving!"
"I am coming!" says a cheerful voice.
Esdeath is putting on her blood splattered parka while producing the weapons of slaughter in her hands from within their magical stores, carefully selecting which one to use to inflict her cruelties with.
"Geir me boy! I am coming as well!" says the Dwarven Warrior.
He adjust his battle armour taking his war axe.
Everyone departs to go massacre the doomed Blood Moon tribe.
"NOOOOOOOO! GEIR COME BACK!" screams Zelda with an outstretched arm.
Only the Dark Elf, Estonix, Mjrn the Viera, the Knight, the Fire Mage and Zelda are left.
"..."
"I am going to the Mages guild." says the Dark Elf.
"..."
"I want to lock up the house. Please leave."
"..."
"GET OUT NOW!"
"YES!"
Everyone is outside.
RATTLE
CLICK
The door is locked and the heavy chains Geir always uses to securely close his home's door with, are fastened.
The Dark Elf greets them farewell and leaves.
"YOUR MAJESTY WE SHOULD LEAVE TO MEET THE LEADERS! LORD ESTONIX PLEASE CAN WE LEAVE!"
"Yes, Sir Hunfrey my Claurilly asked me to assist you. I shall not fail him!"
"Estonny you are so silly!" says Mjrn playfully slapping him.
"MJRN PLEASE WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!"
"What was that about again?" says the Viera trying to recall the memories.
Zelda sighs deeply.
"Let us leave."
Many times have passed.
They enter the large estate where the emergency counsel meeting is being held.
They are guided and enter the hall.
"WHY ARE YOU LATE?! WHERE IS THE WARCHIEF?!" screams the other nation's leaders.
"Geir is busy. He will not be coming. We have news about the Monsieur."
"WHAT!?"
"YES, OUR KINGDOM HAS ALREADY DEFEATED THE MONSIEUR!" booms the Knight out of pride.
"WHERE IS THE PROOF?"
THUD
The Knight throws the tarp on the large table.
The many pieces of the Monsieur roll out of it.
"UNBELIEVABLE!"
Suddenly light starts to gather at the dismembered corpse.
The limbs start twitching using their fingers and toes the arms and legs run back to the bodies trunk.
CRACK
Zelda sees the corpse of the Monsieur come back together.
The body sits upright, it takes it head and puts it on its neck.
POP
The head is on once more.
"BAHAHAHAHA! NO ONE CAN DEFEAT ME!" cackles the Monsieur while twirling his mustache.
"CAPTURE HIM!" the Knight moves to restrain him.
Chaos ensues as the Monsieur effortlessly foils their attempts at apprehending him.
"THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST!" screams Zelda out of frustration.
Finish.