CHAPTER 4

Kurt continued down the street with Rachel, grinning to himself, only half listening to her ramble on. That man in the coffee shop was…..just….wow. Kurt grinned, thinking of the man's beautiful honey colored eyes and how he'd stopped raising his coffee cup with it only halfway to his mouth and just stared with a subtle smile on his face. Well, if THAT wasn't the ultimate compliment, he didn't know what was. He had the kind of face that haunted daydreams and made you forget large spans of time thinking of how his smile would be when pressed into your neck.

"KURT!"

"What?!" he jumped startled.

"Where ARE you?" she laughed lightly. "Not here, that's for sure… I was asking you what you thought of that job posting I emailed you yesterday. Did you get to see it or reply to it?"

"Rachel, seriously, I have zero experience. There's no way they'd hire me, even though I'd KILL for that position. I looked at it, read it over, but I'm not…it's not…." he pouted.

"You don't know that! You should apply anyway. Even if they don't take you for that spot, maybe they have something else for you? You're just so talented, Kurt….I mean, you KNOW how many times I've seen you sing and act. You're unbelievably blessed with so much to offer, and your costumes! Kurt, you're AMAZING with a needle and thread. Even the costume department is blown away when I come in with something you've made for me. Heaven knows I can't wait for THEM to alter everything..…" and she was off on a tangent again about not being given enough time with the woman who did the alterations.

Kurt, on the other hand, was lost in thought about anything but Rachel's alterations. He'd picked up and moved his entire life on a whim, to be with Rachel, his best friend, and to start a new life away from anything he was comfortable with. They continued to stroll along, slowly, both enjoying the crisp morning air.

"…so you really should apply, or even stop in when I'm working and check out what we have there." She went on.

"Maybe, we'll see" he said, glancing back toward the coffee shop, already blocks away. All he could see now was a glare from the windows where the morning sun was shining off them. No more sexy, dark Adonis. Dark, curling hair, slightly in disarray, unbelievably beautiful, warm honey colored eyes. Pink lips that begged to be nibbled on. He obviously hadn't shaved this morning, and how would THAT feel against his collarbone? Wow, that had truly knocked his socks off. In fact, that's the first time he'd even reacted to anyone at all in a long time…..actually since….

Kurt sucked in air, stopping in his tracks. His skin went cold and he knew another panic attack was coming on. Rachel turned to see his panic stricken face.

"Kurt…breathe…don't do this…..look at me. He's not here, it's just you and me….breathe…..look in my eyes and see ME, just you and me here, ok…." Rachel whispered out to him like a mantra. Kurt could feel himself shaking, his hands down at his sides, the paper he was carrying dropped to the ground, pen rolling away into the street.

"Kurt…..hold my hands….please, honey…deep breath, ok?" Rachel soothed.

He did as she asked, took a deep breath and opened his eyes. With them open, he saw Rachel, he saw a new city, miles away from home where he'd left behind his friends, his family…but most of all, his tormentor. God, when was this going to stop? Jackson was locked up now. It was over. He needed to control this panic that overtook his body and mind at the strangest times. Kurt couldn't even pinpoint what triggered it. It just….happened. He felt the sweat rolling down his back and the sides of his face and reached up to wipe it away.

"It's ok…..I'm ok." he breathed out slowly. "He's not here, it's just you and me here…"

In and out, in and out….breathe.

"Can we go in somewhere…..sit down….get a cup of coffee or something? I need to…just…."

"Yes, absolutely, we just passed a little shop back on the corner, let's head back that way." Rachel said, bending down to grab his pen and his newspaper. In doing so she spied an article about a show which had recently opened.

"OH! Oh my gosh, Kurt, I totally forgot to tell you this! HOW could I have forgotten! Remember the other day when I wore the red damask skirt you made for me? Well, you're NEVER going to guess who commented on my skirt!" She squealed with excitement. Kurt, still somewhat lost in regaining his composure, glanced her way and raised his eyebrows in question.

"Are you going to tell me or keep me hanging, Rach?"

"Oh my …I was just so excited for you that I …..oh Kurt, David Keller! DAVID KELLER, Kurt!"

"Wait…what? Rachel, that's not funny. If you're trying to make me feel better…"

"Seriously, Kurt, he passed me in the hallway and I was speaking with the director of the show that opened up last week…he walked by and then came back to take a second look. I thought it was my rear end that he was looking at, but much to my chagrin, he reached down and unceremoniously, he started feeling my skirt. Feeling it, Kurt. How weird is that? Anyway, he asked me where I'd gotten it and I told him my friend had made it for me. He seemed intrigued, but walked away. "

"You didn't even tell him my name, Rachel?!"

"Of course, I did, when he came back! He stopped me again as I was leaving for the day and asked me if you were local. I said that you were, now, and that we lived together."

"Oh my God, David Keller likes something I did…a Tony winning writer and producer likes something that I did! Be still my beating heart!" he squealed.

"Of course he does, Kurt, you're amazing! Everyone is so jealous of my clothes, and not just because I look fabulous in them, but because the clothes themselves are fabulous! One day, my friend, you're going to be famous!" she grinned at him.

Kurt seemed lost in thought about the skirt now, and this was good, since his panic attack earlier had really freaked Rachel out. Of course she didn't want to say that to Kurt, or show him in any way, but it really scared her when things like that happened.

They turned and headed back the way they'd come and slipped into the little coffee shop, just in time to see Adonis walk out the door on the other side of the store with a bag and more coffee in his hands. Kurt ordered for himself and Rachel, and they took Adonis' recently vacated table with the paper still on it.

Was it weird, Kurt thought, that he was comforted by the fact that the seat was still a little bit warm?

Kurt eyes were rolling back in his head. He wasn't able to keep them open. He was too overwhelmed with lust for this man, this dark haired Adonis that he had spied in the coffee shop. Adonis leaned in and touched his forehead to Kurt's and lowered his eyelids slowly. The tips of their noses were touching and he saw the little grin on his soft, pink lips. God, all he wanted was to lean in and touch them…..kiss him senseless, run his tongue across that perfect bottom lip…..so he did. The sparks that shot through him nearly dropped him to his knees. Mmmmmm, there's a thought….drop to your knees, Kurt. While that thought was still doing a pirouette through his disheveled mind, the handsome man was slipping his hands down Kurt's sides, and when they met the resistance of the waistband of his jeans, the man bashfully looked up into Kurt's eyes through long, lush eyelashes and pleaded with his eyes for Kurt to give him the go ahead. "Yessssss…." Kurt whispered….. THUNK!

"What the fucking HELL!? Finn?!" he yelled sleepily.

"Dude, I don't wanna know what you're dreaming about, but in your current state, it's going to be blatantly obvious to Rachel that it was something good, and if I didn't wake you up from all that moaning you would have kicked my ass!"

"Ughhhh! He was there! He was RIGHT there, Finn! Aarrghhh!" Kurt covered his face with the pillow Finn had thrown at him and fell back onto the sofa.

"I don't care if you ARE my brother, don't do that shit on my sofa…..at least not when I'm home!" Finn laughed at him. "So….after all this time, someone's got your attention. Who is he?" Finn asked.

"I have no idea. None at all, sadly." Kurt shook his head slowly and dropped his eyes to the edge of the blanket he was currently worrying between his long, slender fingers. "But he's definitely X-rated dream material."

"So what, you made him up?"

"No, he's barely a vision….someone I saw yesterday morning, and unfortunately I'm too much of a scaredy cat to make a move to do anything worthwhile lately, so I let him out of my sight and now he's just…just a memory I guess."

"Dude…..not cool." Finn stated, in his totally Finn-like way. It spoke volumes though, especially when you could see the concern in his eyes for his step brother. "Where'd you see him?"

"The Starbucks on the corner by the bakery."

"So go back there, same time, same day of the week. Maybe you'll see him again?"

"Maybe…maybe I will. Thanks, Finn." Kurt smiled.

"Um….I know we're not like 'super close' and all that; not like you and Rachel, but dude, if you wanna just…um….talk about things." Finn cleared his throat, uncomfortably. "I mean, I know I don't know anything about…um…how things work with…um….on your team…and all that, but I do, somehow, know a lot of gay dudes, and maybe I could figure out..um…"

"Thanks, Finn. Really, thank you. I appreciate it. There are just things I need to deal with….come to terms with, on my own, before I can move ahead at all. Things that hurt so far inside that nobody but me can get in that deeply to repair I think. But really, thank you. Thank you for giving a shit." Kurt grinned at him.

"I'll hurt him, you know."

It was a statement, not a question, and Kurt was momentarily confused not following Finn's thought process.

"If he comes anywhere near you again, Kurt, I'll hurt him. Bad. He won't bother you anymore without consequences. I see it in your eyes, Kurt. I know there's more to the story than you're saying. I don't want you to tell me. I know it's personal. I know it hurts and it's deep and all that. But I know you're one of the best, most kind people I know, and I won't let him destroy that…..any more than he already has. You have my word, Kurt."

"Finn, you're one of a kind. Thank you." Kurt said, his voice hitching, and his eyes wet with unshed tears.

"Yeah…well….ok. " he said, and turned to go back into the bedroom to find Rachel.