A/N Warning for Kurt recounting his abuse from Jackson. Not too much detail in there, but I'd hate to truly upset anyone.
Ok, so after last night's episode of Glee, I could barely sleep. OH. MY. GOD! Klaine in the backseat? (Breathe, Kelly, just breathe deeply...) I got sucked into tumblr with all the pretty pics and gifs and oh my goodness...thank you to whoever posted the amazing slo-mo of Klaine grappling to get out of the backseat...immediately pulling coats in front of their midsections (ahem!) but not quickly enough to hide the fact that it strongly / seriously / honestly / amazzzzzingly looks like Blaine's pants are completely UNDONE and holy cow. Ok, I'll stop now. Ryan, I may take this into consideration and bring down my level of irritation with you for breaking up the boys...just maybe.
Read on, viewers. I hope to have more up soon...maybe even sooner than you think. Tell me what's going on with you! You reading anything good? I am!
Check out Heteroflexible by Picking Violets or When Red Met Black by Curly Gleek. Both really good!
Thank you for your reviews and your kind words. I got one yesterday that literally left me misty eyed. You guys are great :)
CHAPTER 20
Blaine's head was spinning. He sat on his sofa, grinning like the cat that ate the canary, and just smiled at Kurt until his face hurt. He'd generally feel embarrassed about something like this, but the fact that Kurt was stealing glances at him from beneath his sinfully long eyelashes and blushing madly just made him want to do it more.
"So, Mr. Anderson….how long have you lived here?" Kurt asked, finally breaking the silly silence.
"Not long….few months I guess. I just moved here from Ohio to be closer to my brother, Cooper, and to get the hell away from….well…Ohio." he grinned. "There's not a whole heck of a lot going on there, and if you're gay, there's even LESS going on, if that's possible."
"I know all about that, believe me…..what part of Ohio are you from?"
"Westerville…..it's a fly speck on the map."
"Oh I know exactly where it is." Kurt said, rolling his eyes.
"You do? Why in the world would you know where Westerville, Ohio is?" Blaine asked, confused.
"I grew up in Lima. Small world, eh?"
"How weird is that!?" Blaine grinned. "Is there anything going on in Lima, or did you have to be pried away from there to come to the Big Apple?"
"Nothing….absolutely nothing going on in Lima." Kurt laughed. "Ohio is a great state, but from where I stand, I'd rather be anywhere but there right now."
"Funny….I don't want to be anywhere but here, in my living room, this minute." Blaine whispered, blushing. "Kurt, I'm sorry, but you'll have to excuse me if I begin to ramble and drool or something, but I can't get over the fact that you're here…you're real…and holy shit, you're in my living room! Do you know how many times I've sat here…or anywhere for that matter, and thought about you? Countless times, believe me." He said, grinning and shaking his head.
Kurt blushed and smiled, wondering if he should say what was on his mind, and in the end, just blurted it out.
"I've drawn you….so many times…." He said quietly, as if he'd wake someone in the next room if he spoke any louder.
"You….you drew me?"
"Oh God….I'm sorry, is that awkward? Please just forget I said anyth-"
"Kurt, no! I'm…..I'm unbelievably flattered, really. Nobody's ever drawn me before….not to my knowledge anyway. May I see it?"
"Um…..I don't really…..um….."
"Please?" Blaine said, giving Kurt the most unbelievable puppy dog eyes he'd ever seen. Kurt immediately melted and took in a deep breath to fortify himself against the puppy dog eye attack.
"Blaine….it's….kinda personal?"
"But it's me, right? So I mean, how can it be….." Blaine began before trailing off, a flash of XXX rated, inappropriate art flashing through his mind, and he blushed 27 shades of red, dropping his eyes to the sofa and biting his bottom lip. "Oh…oh it's..um…that kind of drawing….of…."
"Hmmm? NO! Oh my God, no! It's not, I swear!" Kurt nearly yelled. "Oh my God, I wouldn't…I mean….NO! Ok, I'm going to get it now and show it to you, just so you don't think I'm sitting over there drawing porn or something in my free time!"
"It would certainly go with the theme in this building if you did" Blaine grinned at Kurt.
Kurt's eyes got big and round and he gave Blaine a questioning look.
"The guy across the hall, Smythe, has serious frottage on the stairs and doesn't give a hoot who hears or sees him….. and loud, wild sex on a regular basis. And the other guy, down the hall, he has….." Blaine paused, realizing where he was going with this, and suddenly his blood ran ice cold. The 'other guy down the hall' was sitting a foot away from him on his sofa. The 'other guy' who had 'clients' in and out all day, raising and lowering the shades, people leaving his apartment adjusting their clothing, was Kurt. The air whooshed out of his lungs and he sat there dumbfounded, staring at Kurt, unsure of what to say.
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Trent and Jeff were having an amazing time at the club. There were a few clubs near them in Ohio, but nothing, absolutely NOTHING like this. This was a magic place with lights, great music, sweaty bodies and so much energy that they were certain they could go without sleeping for days as long as the music didn't stop. Cooper had introduced them to the people they hadn't met at the apartment before they'd all left, and they were dancing in a haphazard "circle" on the dance floor together, all of them having had a few too many drinks to give a damn who they were grinding against.
"Oh! And this is Finn!" Cooper yelled above the boom of the bass. "He plays at the bar with Blaine. Finn, this is Jeff and this is Trent. They're Blaine's friends from back in Ohio."
"Nice to meet you, man!" Jeff yelled.
"You too….but where IS Blaine?" Finn asked, looking around. With his height he easily saw over the crowd and didn't see any curls matching those of his newfound friend and band-member.
"He stayed home with his most sincere apologies!" Jeff laughed.
"Is he sick or something?"
"Love sick, maybe!" Trent yelled over the din.
"Naw, not unless he's found the coffee shop guy!" Finn laughed. "I'm assuming you know about the coffee shop guy, right?"
"Oh he found him, alright!" Jeff yelled. "Apparently the guy lives in the same building in the next apartment over from Blaine's! He literally stumbled upon him tonight and they're probably exchanging life stories and saliva right about now."
"You have GOT to be kidding me? That's amazing!" Finn laughed.
"Yes, apparently he is…I mean 'it' is!" Trent laughed.
"Yep, and I quote, 'the most amazingly beautiful man I've ever seen….' If I'm not mistaken. At least now his Muse has a name…..we can call him Kurt instead of 'the Muse' now, right?" Jeff smirked at Trent.
"Kurt? The guy's name is Kurt?" Finn asked, a little curious and a lot confused.
"Yeah….um…..what was his name…..Kurt….uh….Henning? Hilling? HUMMEL, that's it. Kurt Hummel!"
"Oh my fucking God, you have GOT to be kidding me?!" Finn yelled, eyes wide and a smile on his face that rivaled the lights in the club. "Kurt Hummel is my freaking brother!" he said, and then dissolved into fits of giggles. "I have GOT to call Rachel….."
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Blaine sat there, awkwardly, unsure of what to say. Kurt was giving him a rather curious look, unsure of why he stopped talking mid sentence and went into a trance of sorts.
"Blaine, you in there?" he said, eyebrows drawn down.
"Uh…ummm…..Kurt, I have to….I need to ask you…..something. And it might be weird. But I really, uhm….I really need to know the answer…sooner rather than later, if that's ok?"
"Ok….sure. Blaine, you're kinda freaking me out here….what's wrong?"
"Kurt….my music room…I'm assuming you can see it from your window…the room with the drafting table in it?" Kurt's eyes opened a little wider now, remembering that if he could see into Blaine's windows, surely Blaine could see into his.
"Yes…I can. Is that weird? I can keep the shade drawn if you want?"
"No, it's um….well, what's weird…for me…I mean, not that you're weird, but….." There was a long sigh from Blaine and he pinched the bridge of his nose, unsure how to move forward with this conversation.
"Um….ok, I'll just…um…throw this out there and you can stop me at any time if I'm getting too personal, ok? I mean, really, it's none of my business, at all, and surely I'll just back off if you tell me to shut up, but…"
"Blaine! Just spit it out!" Kurt laughed.
"Ok, here goes…." Blaine said, taking in an enormous breath. "Um, last week, when you'd just moved in, I saw your stuff in the window…mostly because of your cat, I mean, he's pretty cute, and I swear he gives me dirty looks and I've secretly named him Garfield, and I wonder if he eats lasagna and all that, and…."
"His name is Brian."
"Huh?"
"My cat…his name is Brian. I got him so I'd have someone to talk to." Kurt smiled.
"He's great, he just stares at me, and sits in the window and I just thought I'd maybe meet him some day and…sometimes when the windows are open I sing to him, and I'm pretty sure he smiles at me because….."
"Blaine…where are we going with this?" Kurt smiled at him.
With a whoosh of air, Blaine blurted out "last week, there were so many people in and out of your place, and I know at some point they were…um….…taking clothes…off…..and I could..um…see you..on your knees and….. Oh holy God, this is so uncomfortable ….I'm sorry, Kurt, just tell me to shut up, it's none of my business!"
Kurt just sat there staring, not saying a word. So that was it. Blaine thought he was running his own 'operation' of sorts and didn't know how to say so. Holy shit, if he only knew! Kurt couldn't let anyone get that close to him anymore, close enough to touch, let alone perform sexual…anything…with. He suddenly laughed outloud, and found he couldn't stop. He laughed until he was bent over holding his stomach, heaving in great gulps of air and tears were running down his face.
"Oh….oh my God, Blaine. That's hilarious. You think I'm dishing out blowjobs? Bwaahahahahaha…." He couldn't breathe. He couldn't draw in enough air to make his lungs function properly. Blaine just sat there, a mix of amusement and embarrassment on his face, as he'd obviously really misread the situation. '
"Ok, so….um…what is it that you DO, then, if I may be so bold as to ask?" Blaine smirked.
"Oh, that's rich….I'll laugh about that one for years." Kurt said, grabbing his chest, still heaving in air. "Ok, first off, I am NOT running a house of ill repute, I promise you that. Secondly, I'd have to go into a lot of backstory for this to make a huge amount of sense, but in a nutshell, the story is….I'm in fashion. I was recently offered an amazing job with a new company and our workspace isn't ready yet, so my boss sent all of the models to me to be measured so that anything I make will fit perfectly for his company brochure and first runway show." Kurt smiled, snickering at the blush still on Blaine's cheeks. "You'd be amazed at how erotic it could be, measuring all of those people….especially when I have to have a seriously accurate inseam for pants. Today's skinny styles don't leave much room for error. But the truth is, it makes me seriously uncomfortable to the point that I can barely breathe sometimes when I have to do that."
The relief on Blaine's face was nothing less than comical. It was quickly replaced by embarrassment and he suddenly found the sofa fabric to be the most interesting thing in the room.
"Kurt, I'm sorry. I truly apologize. I really read the situation wrong, obviously, and I've never, ever been more glad to be wrong in my whole life!" he snickered, his blush hard to hide at this point.
"Oh God, Blaine, if you only knew how far from the truth that is!" Kurt laughed. "I can't even be around people anymore or have them touch me at all, let alone be the one touching them in that sort of situation, or any situation for that matter…..I mean, after Jackson..…."
Blaine's curious head tilt stopped him in his tracks, and he realized how much he'd said. His eyes got wider and he started fidgeting his fingers, his breathing kicking into high gear.
"Why?" Blaine asked casually. Kurt immediately felt his flight response kick in and mentally calculated the distance to the door. "Kurt, no…please….ok, don't answer that. I'm sorry, that was rude of me." Blaine pleaded.
"No, it's just….I um…..I can't talk about it….I hope…."
Blaine glanced down toward where Kurt's hand was sitting on his own thigh and gave Kurt a questioning glance. Kurt gave a little nod, and Blaine took Kurt's hand in his again and began to rub little circles in the palm. "Nope, nothing awkward here. I won't have it!" He smiled. "You and I…we'll get there. We'll talk about that later. Don't freak out on me, ok?" Blaine said, reassuring Kurt, but not letting go of his hand.
"Ok…..ok, thanks. It's just….I can't. I'm sorry." Kurt whispered. "I'm sorry…"
"None of that. Ok, so tell me more about this new job in the fashion world!" Blaine prompted, and the conversation continued as if it had never hit the speed bump that was Blaine's wild imagination or Kurt's wildest fear.
"I'm happy to tell you all about it, but first…I need to know something, too?" Kurt said, a little skeptically.
"Name it!" Blaine smiled.
"I need to know…um…who's Anthony and should I be a) jealous or b) worried that he'll come home any minute and disassemble me?
Blaine couldn't help the giggle that started in his throat and it turned into an all out laugh. Kurt smirked at him until Blaine began to tell the story.
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Sebastian hated the damn red-eye flights. He hated getting home that late, hated trying to come down from his daily rush to get here and there and then home. But here he was, finally…home. He dragged his bags up the steps, actually trying to be quiet for once, and shoved his door open. He dropped the bags behind the sofa and flipped the light switch on, then turned to throw his suit jacket over a chair. It was then that he noticed the white envelope on the floor.
"'Neighbor'…hmmmm….weird." he said, opening the envelope. "Shit…well, pretty quiet over there now. I guess this par-tay ended sooner than Blaine had planned?"
He made a mental note to stop over to Blaine's tomorrow and apologize for missing the party….and maybe mess with him a little more. It was hilarious to him how easy it was to fuck with Blaine. He was so unbelievably easy to fluster, and his vulnerable, boyish charm was such a turn on. From the first minute he saw him, Seb knew he wanted to pound him into his mattress….several times. One of these times he'd do something outrageous to really freak Blaine out. Maybe sooner rather than later even. He knew he could and would eventually wear him down and coax him into his pants. He wasn't above playing dirty for something he really wanted, and he really wanted Blaine. And he would have him, come hell or high water. Someway, somehow, he would have him. What he had to focus on was keeping Hunter in the dark about it.
"Abrasive indeed…" he grinned, evilly.
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"So you're telling me that he actually wants you MORE because you haven't finished school yet? That's amazing, Kurt! You must be really talented! Would you show me some of your designs sometime?"
"Um, yeah, I'd love to. There are quite a few, though, so it'll take some time. I really have Rachel to thank for everything that's happened though. If she hadn't worn that skirt that day…if she hadn't taken my sketch book into David…if she hadn't pushed me to move here after everything that happened back home….if…." he broke off, realizing that he'd done it again. Kurt quickly dropped his eyes to the pillow he'd be holding, playing with the fringe around the edges.
"Kurt?" Blaine said softly, trying to get Kurt to look up from the pillow. "Kurt, I'm gonna take a stab in the dark here, but I'm assuming something pretty awful happened back in Ohio. You don't have to talk to me about it….about anything, really, if you don't want to, but I um…" Blaine took a deep breath and let it out as a long sigh, reaching up super slowly to cup the side of Kurt's face and rub his thumb over his jawbone. His eyes never left Kurt's for a second. "Kurt, I really like you…a lot….already…and I know we don't know each other, well, hardly at all, but please don't think I'm absolutely out of my mind when I say that I want to know you better….so much better. No, it's not that I want that, I kind of…need…that. Have you ever smoked pot, Kurt? "
Kurt gave him a crazy, confused look with a little smirk thrown in. "Um…onetime…justonetime" he said, blushing. "Are you seriously going to offer me a joint, Blaine?" he asked.
"No! No…not..no. Um….I was just thinking, ok, cause I've done that, once, as well, and I was kind of thinking that's how you make me feel…Kurt. Like I'm lighter than air….like everything is fine or going to be fine. Like there's nothing that can bring me down. I feel free…alive….amazing, Kurt. I haven't felt like this in…..a really, really long time….years….and….it's because of you. I mean, right now, I kinda feel like I could throw up, sort of, because I'm happy and nervous and excited and amazed that my Muse is sitting two feet away from me on my sofa and we're talking and I'm….um…..holding his hand?" Blaine said, hopefully, slowly sliding his hand over the cushions to Kurt's again.
Kurt smiled and slid his toward Blaine, linking fingers and once again giving him a bashful grin. It was only then that it hit him again, that he was allowing Blaine, a stranger, for all intents and purposes, to touch him. He'd sat on the piano bench with their hips brushing together, they'd held hands in the attic, and Blaine had held his hand all the way down the stairs and over to his door. He'd held his face in his hand. He was holding Kurt's hand now and making little circles with his thumb, and even though Kurt had realized what was happening, he didn't freeze up, he didn't panic, he didn't even flinch. He just stared at their joined hands and smiled. If ever there had been a sign to trust someone, to let someone in, to open his heart, this was it.
Blaine made him feel comfortable. He made him feel safe, and Kurt realized that even without coming right out and telling Blaine about what had happened, he read Kurt's body language enough to know that Kurt was uncomfortable with being touched in a lot of ways. He kept his movements slow and deliberate, and tried to remember to use his eyes to show what he was thinking…what he wanted to do…where he wanted to touch Kurt. Boy was Blaine a feely one!
Even thought they'd just officially met hours ago, Kurt felt like he'd known Blaine for weeks. Having someone run through your mind that many times a day and take up that much of your thoughts...well, he became comfortable with the Blaine / Adonnis that he held in his heart. He knew him, without truly knowing him. But he was desperate to know Blaine better, to keep him in his life, no matter where their relationship went. Clearly Blaine was one of a kind. And Kurt felt that he could trust Blaine, just from the way he'd reacted to things that had happened between them throughout the night so far.
Kurt took a deep breath, suddenly convinced that this was a good idea. He was going to tell Blaine. He was going to open himself up to this man sitting here with him. He was going to trust someone he'd just met with a huge part of his life. So Kurt was still staring at their joined hands, and began speaking softly, telling Blaine the nutshell version of his last 12 months. He wasn't able to look Blaine in the eye for long, though, when he spoke to him about it. It was embarrassing, it was painful, and it was just plain hard to get through. But something told him that Blaine was important….that he was special, and that above all, he would understand and be supportive.
Kurt took a deep breath, looked Blaine in the eye fleetingly, and dove right in head first.
"….so he started getting really angry when I'd go out with my friends, even if he was invited to go too….and if I'd make plans to go out while he was working, he'd really freak out. One night he showed up after we saw a movie and made a scene. He literally dragged me to his car and when we got home he….um…" Kurt gulped…."he hit me…in the face…..and knocked me down. I locked myself in the bathroom and called the police, but it just got worse. I got a restraining order, and he actually stayed away for awhile, but then …um…one day…he…" Kurt's voice shook and he couldn't hold back the tears that were in his eyes.
"Kurt…ok, if you don't want to go on with the story, by all means, you can…."
"No…no I need to get this out. I told Rachel, for the first time, this week, and it helped tremendously. After keeping it all in for so long, it was as if the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I thought it would be awful, people knowing, looking at me with pity and maybe shame or blame….but…..it doesn't feel like that with her, so I'm going to chance this…with you."
"Ok, Kurt….then take your time, ok? Let me get you something to drink….what would you like?"
"Do you have a diet Coke?"
"I do….I'll be right back….don't go anywhere!" he winked at Kurt. Blaine grabbed a cold diet coke out of the fridge and a glass of ice and returned to the sofa. When he sat down, he sat a little closer to Kurt, hoping that was ok. What he really wanted was to grab him and hug him, but he was afraid that would send Kurt over the edge, and that was the very last thing he would want to have happen.
"…so, he um, he showed up at my apartment one morning and picked the lock to get in…..screaming at me that I was….um….that I was a….um…whoa, this isn't going as I'd planned." Kurt realized his fingers were curled into the sofa fabric and his knuckles were white. "I was really ready to just get this all out, and …ok, give me a second here…."
Kurt was suddenly lightheaded and he felt as if he were going to be sick. He sat there, unmoving, for a minute or two and then reached to take a drink of the diet Coke, hoping it would settle his stomach somewhat. Thankfully, it did eventually, and after a few deep breaths he continued on with the story.
"….and please, please, Blaine, if you have a shred of empathy for me at all, let me just finish this, quickly, by saying that he was bigger than me and stronger than me, and he …he said he wasn't leaving without what he'd come for… what I'd kept from him our entire relationship….so he became belligerent, calling me a cock tease, and when I struggled against him he broke my arm and….he…" Kurt took several deep breaths before continuing. "…..and he took…what he...um…..came for."
"Kurt, stop! Please….please stop. Don't say anything else. Oh my God, Kurt…..you must have been terrified!" Blaine said, again slowly taking Kurt's hand, his eyes beginning to tear up. They sat in silence for a few minutes, both of them now with a few tears escaping. He met Kurt's eyes and held them, moving ever closer to Kurt as slow as his body would move, hauling in a deep breath as he did so.
"Kurt, I'm a touchy-feely person by nature, and I have to tell you it's physically painful for me to sit here and not throw my arms around you….seriously, really hard for me, because I want to, more than I can verbally express…I just want to offer you some kind of comfort. "
Kurt took a deep breath and patted the seat right next to him hesitantly, and Blaine's smile lit up the room once more. He carefully slid over to Kurt, still holding his hand, and their shoulders were touching he was so close.
"So THIS is euphoria…." Blaine said, looking around. "I like it here!" he grinned back at Kurt. Kurt just swatted at his shoulder.
"You're a nut, you know that?" Kurt said, giving him a half smile.
"Yeah…I'm just nuts about you right now, though. I hope that doesn't freak you out?"
"Oddly, it doesn't. Not at all. I was just sitting here thinking how crazy it is that this whole night, I've been near you, next to you, touching you, holding hands with you and I haven't even started to panic, not even once. That's sort of totally amazing, really, considering what my last year has been since…everything. I flinch at the slightest touch, I panic at mere thoughts that might cross my mind, I shut down sometimes after particularly painful and vivid dreams.
But there's something about you, Blaine. I can't put my finger on it, but it calms me. The very thought of 'you' before I even knew who 'you' were could calm me, actually. If I'd wake up to a bad nightmare, I could physically and mentally calm myself by flashing back to that day at the coffee shop. I'd concentrate on your eyes, your smile, that coffee cup only making it halfway to your mouth…." Kurt blushed, and grinned at Blaine. "…and something comes over me…a peacefulness…a deep calm. When I saw you tonight in the attic, I honestly thought for a moment that I'd…um…..that I'd gone over the edge. That I'd finally lost it. That perhaps I was done in this life and an angel had come for me." Kurt was, once again, staring down at the pillow bashfully. "Perhaps you're my guardian angel, Blaine?" he smiled, being silly.
"In all honesty, Kurt, I want to be….anything you need. I'll start with being your friend if that's what you're willing to give me right now. I want that more than anything, just to be able to be with you. Is that ok?"
"Is that ok? Really, you're asking me that? YES it's ok, Blaine. It's so much more than ok. You're just…..you're more than I ever expected, you know it? Thank you….thank you for sitting here with me, for listening and not judging, for not expecting too much of me or from me." Kurt said, squeezing Blaine's hand firmly, and not letting go.
They sat there, leaning on one another, and talked for hours, only much later glancing at the clock and realizing the late hour….or early hour, as it actually was. It was nearly 6 am and the guys hadn't come home yet. Blaine pulled out his phone and texted Jeff.
5:54 a from Blaine: Jeffie, you guys ok?
5:57 a from Blaine: Jeff…..um…..where are you guys?
5:58 a from Jeff: Coop's. Sleeping. Go'way
Blaine smiled, knowing Coop had dragged them home with him on purpose, giving Blaine the whole night with Kurt if it had come to that. And it had. Blaine was laying on the sofa, his head propped on a pillow that leaned on the arm, and Kurt was wedged between his thighs laying on his side with his head on Blaine's belly, snoring softly. They'd started out on separate ends of the sofa, but gradually throughout the evening and into the early morning they'd moved closer to one another. By the early morning they were leaning on each other, the conversation not more than a few mumbles here and there now. Not a single stitch of clothing had been removed. Not a single kiss was given or taken. Hands never went any further than other hands. Blaine's last thought before drifting off to sleep was that this was truly the most intimate experience of his entire life. He was head over heels for this man, and he wasn't letting him get away.
He drifted off to sleep with his right arm wrapped around Kurt and his left hand with fingers intertwined with Kurt's. He should have been uncomfortable as hell, but he wouldn't have moved if the building caught fire. Not now.