A/N - Warning: flashback of violent assault -

Welcome to Cincinnati, OH, where it was 60 degrees on Monday and we're currently under a winter weather advisory for ice, sleet and freezing rain. Ugh. Oh well, stay in, write, read...can't complain! (Except I'm stuck in the house with three kids! UGH!)

Thanks to all who are reading Crowded House. I'm so thrilled every time someone new follows or favorites...it's pretty cool! Enjoy...

CHAPTER 24

Blaine sat still, afraid to move. What had he done? Kurt looked as if he were going to cry, or scream or both. He had raised his hands to his ears and pulled his knees up to his chest and started rocking back and forth ever so slightly into the wall behind him. This was all too much for Blaine.

"Kurt…..please….I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. It's just that….you've been doing so well with me touching you. I wasn't thinking...I just reacted. I'm sorry, Kurt….please say something?"

Kurt glanced back up at him, tears in his eyes, but refusing to flow over. He looked as if he was in a complete panic. Blaine wanted nothing but to rush over to him and comfort him, but he knew that wouldn't be good either.

"Is there something…anything I can do? Anything I can get for you? How can I make this better, Kurt?"

Kurt's eyes closed and he shifted his forehead to his knees and kept rocking, shaking his head side to side.

"I think…I think maybe I just need to sit here for awhile….and um….try to calm down some…. Blaine….I'm so sor-" he began.

"No, please don't say you're sorry again. I'll just go…home and …yeah. I don't want to leave you, Kurt, but if it's what you need, I will."

"It is…I need you to…um….go, please." Kurt certainly didn't want Blaine to leave, but he was so embarrassed at his current state that he couldn't possibly look him in the eye anymore tonight.

Blaine stood to leave but spotted Kurt's phone on the counter. He grabbed it and set it next to Kurt, within his reach, and walked to the door.

"Your phone is near your left hip, Kurt. If you need me…if you need anything at all…even just to talk…yell, whatever, please call me, ok? I don't care what time it is. Please…just…..I'm so sorry Kurt."

He glanced back over his shoulder when he was at the doorway and Kurt hadn't moved. He wasn't even looking up at Blaine, which made Blaine very tense. Where had Kurt gone in those few seconds between fine and not fine at all?

Blaine was crushed. Absolutely, totally crushed. He'd put that terrified look on Kurt's face. It was horrible, seeing his beautiful face marred with all that fear and hatred bubbling up under his stormy eyes.

Inside his apartment Blaine flopped down on the sofa and closed his eyes, squeezing them shut tightly.

"What the hell happened there?" he asked himself. He ran through the events of the early morning in his head, replaying what they were talking about, what had been said, but he couldn't pinpoint anything that would have upset Kurt enough for that reaction.

Promising that he'd call Kurt first thing in the morning, he walked back to his bedroom, undressed and slipped on a pair of pajama pants and headed to the bathroom to do his bedtime routine. He brushed his teeth and stared at himself in the mirror, wondering, only fleetingly, if he'd be able to handle a relationship like this, never knowing what was going to pop up, or what would send Kurt flying into a panic. The more he thought about it, the more he knew….Kurt was worth it. The mere thought of not having Kurt around made him feel sick to his stomach. After knowing the man for barely 24 hours he was sure that Kurt was someone who was meant to be in his life. No question about it. None at all. He'd fight for him as long as Kurt gave him any indication that they had some sort of future together. Kurt was worth it, even if his heart ached right now.

Blaine layed in bed for what seemed like ever, so unbelievably tired that his body was screaming for rest, but his mind wouldn't quit running in circles. Frustrated and anxious, he got up and headed into the kitchen.

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Kurt sat on the floor in the kitchen rocking back and forth slowly for at least half an hour after Blaine left the apartment. He hadn't opened his eyes much. The dark was much more friendly when you were freaking out. He was lost in thought and shame and didn't even want to face Brian, who sat in the doorway and stared at him. He'd hurt Blaine. Oh God, the look on his face was tragic….awful….painful. In that split second that Blaine had put his hands up on Kurt's shoulders to run his fingers around Kurt's neck he'd flashed back…..

….Jackson…..I can't…..can't breathe. PLEASE….stop this…..sto-…. Jackson's hands were on his shoulders, pressing him into the mattress, then moving up around his throat. The pain ripped through him then…his arm, his back, his throat, his rear end. He couldn't draw air in anymore. Jackson had his fingers curled around Kurt's neck and he was….Jesus, he was squeezing them tightly. Spots…..that's all Kurt could see now. No air moving in. No air moving out. Just pain. Just agony. Oh God….who would find him? Would it be his dad? After repeatedly calling and getting no answer, his dad would come over. He'd see him like this….Dear God…IF Jax left him here. What if he didn't….what if…..wait. What the hell was happening? The pain had let up a little….the edges of his vision were turning white now. Softness…..yelling….pounding on something solid…..then nothing.

Hot, salty tears were running down his face. Brian had sauntered over and was rubbing up against his legs, purring loudly. He unwound an arm from his knees and reached out for the cat, picking him up and cradling him in his lap.

"Blaine's a good man, Brian. We have to pull ourselves together. We have to be strong. I know you'll help me, right?"

The cat continued to purr. Kurt picked up his cell phone from the kitchen table and placed a call.

"Dr. Stein, it's Kurt Hummel…..I realize it's really late…or early...or whatever. When you get this message, would you please call me as soon as you're able? It's imperative that I speak with you soon. Actually, there's no need to call me this minute if you happen to check the message. Monday morning is soon enough...I realize it's the weekend. Thank you, Doctor. I'll speak with you soon."

"I don't know how to go about finding 'me' again, Brian, but it's important that we do. We need to put all of this Jackson bullshit aside and live again. I have a feeling it's more important now than it ever has been. "

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Sebastian sauntered over to his door wondering who was knocking on a Sunday morning at the ass crack of dawn. Whoever it was wasn't going away. He'd ignored the banging until he couldn't anymore. Looking through the peephole he saw Hunter on the other side of the door looking utterly wrecked and he immediately pulled the door open.

"Hunter? What the hell are you doing here? It's 6:30 in the morning!"

The look in Hunter's eyes was nothing short of pure want mixed with sadness and desperation. He didn't say a word, didn't have to, he just looked into Sebastian's eyes and let his own drift shut ever so slowly before bringing his gaze back up to Seb's eyes. He raised a hand to the other man's jaw and traced his fingers down the side of his face, around the back of his neck, tugging him in slightly, never taking his gaze off of Seb's eyes. Leaning in, he pressed his lips against Sebastian's, softly, lovingly.

"I don't like fighting with you, Seb….I can't sleep. I don't eat. I feel sick all the time. I…I just….." his voice hitched.

"If you don't want to fight, then just be yourself, Hunter…..I didn't think the request was all that difficult, but apparently you did? When's the last time you ate something?"

"I can't….I'm not….Seb, I don't KNOW how to do this. I don't like feeling like your whore!" he yelled. "There has to be more!"

"Jesus, Hunter, come inside. The whole building doesn't need to know our business!" Sebastian hissed, dragging Hunter inside the foyer. He shut the door, but didn't venture further into the apartment. He was interested in what Hunter had to say, but some of the things he had said the other night on the phone were still stinging Seb's pride, and he wasn't sure he was up for a reconciliation right now.

"Sebastian, do you have any idea what my dad is like? Do you know what he'd do to me if he ever found out about us? Do you know what he'd do to YOU?"

Seb gave him an "I don't know and I don't care" look.

"I'm not afraid of your daddy, Hunter. He has no power over me. You have issues, I get it. I don't hide who I am, and you know that. If you don't want to tell him, that's fine, but do NOT invite me to meet them and ask me to be someone I'm not. I'd sooner never meet them and be myself than have to sit in a stuffy room with your parents acting like I'm not salivating over what's in their son's khakis."

Hunter let out a frustrated growl, and Seb was startled at the effect it had on him. He shifted from one leg to the other and hoped Hunter didn't see the bulge he was creating in Seb's boxers with that growling.

"Salivating over…Jesus Sebbie…."he whispered, biting his bottom lip, huffing out a frustrated breath. "Please don't be angry with me. I need time to decide how to go about this, but I can't be away from you while I try to figure it out. I won't ask you to be anything you're not, but you have to take me for what I am too….now….not before, not later. This is who I am now, this is what I can offer you now, this is what I want from you now…..I have nothing more than that." Hunter paused, eyes downcast to the floor, and for a moment Seb thought he heard his voice hitch again and thought he might be ready to sob.

"Stay here. Don't move." Seb instructed. He ambled off in the direction of the hallway and his bedroom. Seb smiled at himself for telling Hunter not to move. He knew that if Hunter was anywhere near his bed, he wouldn't be able to control himself. He'd have the boy on his back in seconds.

Hunter stood obediently, unsure what was going on, but not wanting to push his luck. He heard Seb in the bathroom, obviously relieving himself for the first time this morning. Then the gargle of mouthwash followed, running water, Seb humming a tune that was familiar, but he couldn't place it right away. He walked back into the bedroom and the sound of drawers opening and closing was obvious. He reappeared in the living room wearing a pair of flannel sleep pants, but still no shirt.

"Tell me what you want, Hunter. I'm curious. You can't seriously think, after last week, that I consider you 'my whore'. That's so unfair! You know what I want. I've never hidden that from you. I'm a simple man of simple pleasures. I ask little of you in return, but I don't want to live in a soap opera. Drama has it's place, but that place is not in my bedroom. My bedroom craves spice and fire and heat….not vanilla. You've lost your edge, Hunter….maybe it's me? Maybe I don't do it for you anymore, although I highly doubt THAT'S the case…"

"I know. I'm sorry. I backed off….physically…emotionally. I had to! I was getting in too deep, and my anxiety level was through the roof. I didn't...when we started this...I thought...but...it's become...Aggghhh!" Hunter took a deep breath through is nose and blew it out. His eyes were anywhere but on Sebastian now. Then I asked you to present yourself as someone you're not. It wasn't fair, and again, I'm so sorry, Sebbie! But then you….you tried to….to pay me, it felt like that, Seb, and I freaked. I shouldn't have. Please….don't….don't push me away."

Seb had clearly miscalculated their last encounter before he'd left town on business again. Their three day lock in of nothing but nakedness and sex was so amazing that Seb's head was still spinning from it. He wouldn't tell Hunter that. No way would he admit outloud that Hunter had utterly rocked his world…..but he did happen to see something he thought would look stunning on Hunter, and he purchased it before their tryst. It was an expensive, classy, platinum chain of heavy links, the kind he always kidded Hunter he was going to buy for the headboard and chain Hunt there for days on end, making him his sex slave. It felt like their own inside joke…a cool, strong, visible reminder that he was chained to Sebastian Smythe, and he belonged to nobody else.

He remembered it in his drawer when Hunter was leaving and presented it to him as a gift…nothing more. Hunter didn't see it that way. He'd totally freaked out over the silver chain and berated Sebastian for paying him like a bought and paid for piece of ass. Sebastian was enraged and told him to get out. He hadn't seen him since then…hadn't spoken with him at all. Hunter had called, had texted, but Seb ignored all of his attempts to talk. Had he known Hunt wanted to apologize and not hurl more insults at him, he may have given in sooner. He missed him, and was almost afraid to admit to himself how much he relied on Hunter's presence in his life. He's surely never tell Hunter that!

"I don't have time for the drama, Hunt….I have needs…..wow….lots of needs." Seb smirked. "If you're up for it, then we'll talk about us. I can't beg for you….I won't. You're not my whore, and I resent you saying that I treat you that way. If I buy you something because you please me, it's a gift….you're not a whore, Hunter. Take it for what it's worth….. don't throw it back in my face. If I have to sit through more drama….." he paused, a glint in his eye as an idea struck him… "then I have to back out. Besides, there's an absolutely AMAZING piece of ass that moved in across the hall and I plan to tap that as soon as…."

Hunter's eyes flared wide and feral. His breathing was eratic now. Seb was thinking of someone else? Oh HELL NO…..

Hunter all but tackled Seb to the ground, he'd launched himself at him so hard. They ended up slamming into a sofa table and then Seb spun him around, shoving him into the wall. Hunter would have none of it.

"No! Don't you dare say that to me….after everything we've been…..all the things …have you lost your fucking mind, Sebastian? You're mine and there will be no 'ass tapping' of you or by you. I don't care who the hell moves into the building!" He roared, turning Seb and slamming him up against the closet door. He pressed his lips to Seb's, nearly prying his lips open with his tongue and devoured Sebastian's mouth like a starving man. Seb gave it right back, hands twisting in Hunter's hair, a smile hidden in his kiss. Hunter scraped his teeth down Seb's jaw, down his neck and he stilled at his collar bone, sucking and biting.

"Jesus, Hunter…fuck! Are you…did you?"

"You're god damn right I'm marking you, you bastard! Don't you smirk at me! You're mine, only mine! "

Hunter's hands were everywhere, scraping up Seb's back, running down his toned chest and finally resting on the waistband of his pants. Shoving Seb back against the door again, he grabbed his thigh and pulled it up, gripping Seb's knee and grinding into his cock. Seb fought him for control, dropping his leg and flipping them around again.

"No! Mine!" Hunter growled again, shoving Seb into the wall and hitching up his leg again. He pressed into Seb and urged him to raise his other leg, grabbing them both and wrapping his arms tightly around the beautiful man in his arms. He turned and headed for Seb's bedroom, his lips never leaving Sebastian's for a second. Seb's hands were tangled in Hunter's hair now and he was kissing back with everything he had.

Hunter's knees hit the bed and he lowered Seb down, wanting to drop him onto his back, but refraining. Grabbing his wrists above his head, he shoved them down on the bed with one hand, never losing eye contact. With his other hand, he worked Seb's waistband down past his hips, the taller man's cock springing free, it's owner now whimpering under Hunter's fingers and their careful ministrations. The look of absolute hunger and need in Hunter's eyes was the best turn on for Sebastian.

This is what Sebastian had missed. The animal that he'd hunted in the beginning was back, and he was heady with the pleasure.

"Mine! Say it, Seb." Hunter growled.

He received nothing but a pitiful whine in response. "Make me..." Seb mewled.

"SAY IT!" Seb was past the point of speaking, only able to whimper now. Hunter gripping him tightly and twisting ever so slowly, up…down….around….thumb brushing over his slit….up….down….another finger brushing softly over the pucker a little further down...

"Say it, Seb…..tell me, who do you belong to, baby?"

"Unghhh…..please…." was all he could manage to get out.

Hunter released his hands and slid down his chest, ending up on his knees on the floor. He flicked out his tongue and lapped up the drops of pre cum leaking out of Seb's cock. Seb keened.

"Say it…don't make me ask you again, Sebastian…." Another lick…..a small suck and a kiss...a lick over the little pink pucker. "Say you're only mine!"...lick, suck, twist...deepthroat...hummmmmmmmmmmm

'"Jesus Christ! Yours…..Hunter!…..unnggnnnhhhhhhh! Only yours….now suck!"

"Oh, babe…..gladly!" he smirked. "But you have to ask nicely. You know how I am about your deplorable manners, Sebbie….."

"Hun…..Hunter! Please….oh God, don't tease. Please….please give me your mouth back!"

"So much nicer…..you mean like….this?" he teased, taking all of Seb in, right to the back of his throat again. Sebastian nearly wailed, but his breath had left his lungs when he felt his cock hit paydirt. Swallowing and letting out a deep, guttural moan, Hunter watched through his long eyelashes to see Sebastian's reaction, and he wasn't disappointed. Seb's eyes rolled back and a lustful, needy moan escaped his throat. Hunter was taking his time, reveling in the power he had over Seb right this minute. It was such a turn on just watching Seb fall apart, knowing that he was responsible for every shudder, every twitch, every gasp.

Sebastian threaded his hands through Hunter's hair again and pulled, a series of "uh….uhgghh….ughhhs" echoing around the room. Hunter knew not to expect a warning, but he'd done this often enough to know the signs. He held Seb's hips to the bed roughly and rolled his tongue around the shaft again. Seb grabbed on hard, pulling on handfuls of hair and shouting out his release, never letting Hunter come up for air. Hot strings of white shot down Hunter's throat and he held on tight to Seb's hips, fighting not to choke and gag until Seb was ready to release him.

Finally he let go. Hunter slid back onto his butt, massaged his scalp and fell back onto the floor listening to Seb's chants of "fuck….Jesus Hunter…..fucking unbelievable….." He smiled at himself, knowing Seb couldn't see him right now and reveled in the knowledge that he sure wouldn't be thinking of the guy across the hall anytime soon.

"Damn…..I missed you, baby….I missed what only you can bring me. You're mine, Hunter….and yeah….I'm yours." Seb finally breathed out unsteadily. Hunter crawled up onto the bed with Sebastian and yanked the comforter over both of them, nodding off instantly, his arm draped lazily over Sebastian's waist.

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Eventually Kurt made it to his bed, but he wasn't able to sleep. When he had nearly dozed off, he heard the unmistakable sound of his oh-so-special neighbor, Sebastian, having quite the interesting morning. He had a moment of fear wondering if Blaine was home sleeping or...no...no, he wasn't even going to go there.

He laid there, wide awake, staring at the ceiling until the sun came up and he figured he was just wasting time. He sat up on the edge of the bed, hands on his knees and shoulders hunched forward. Blaine. He couldn't wipe the look on Blaine's face out of his mind. Hurt, pain, guilt….they were written all over that beautiful olive complexion and Kurt had made it happen. Blaine hadn't done anything wrong; not at all. He'd simply put his hands up near Kurt's neck in a gesture of caring and kindness, intending to pull him into a kiss…..and Kurt had freaked out.

"God damn you, Jackson Hardy!" he growled loudly. He had bunched his fists in the comforter on the bed and his knuckles were white from the strain. It took a minute before he realized that tears were running down his face. Taking a deep breath, he stood and walked into the bathroom to shower and start his day. It already felt like today was going to be a tedious undertaking and it was only 7 a.m.

After showering, he headed outside to hit Higher Ground for some coffee and something to eat. That was testament to how this day was going; he had no intention to cook, and he didn't even want the cinnamon rolls from the night before. Now they reminded him of that sneering meerkat, Sebastian. There was no doubt at all in Kurt's mind that Sebastian wanted Blaine. Blaine seemed to find this easy to blow off, and acted as if it wasn't any big deal, but Kurt was already in a state, so everything was heightened in his mind, and he was certain this was going to be a battle. What, exactly, did he have to hold on to Blaine and keep him from getting anything he could, physically, from Sebastian? Because, let's face it, Smythe was really attractive, he had a great body, and he probably made all kinds of money if he was traveling overseas on a regular basis. He was a catch in any other circumstance….for anyone else. But not for Blaine. Kurt wanted Blaine. Sebastian would ruin him…turn him into something used...something unsavory, and Kurt wouldn't have that.

With a deep breath, Kurt sat down and drank his mocha, skimming through the newspaper. At 8:30 a.m. his phone rang and it was Dr. Stein.

"Kurt, I hope I haven't called too early?"

"No, Doctor, I'm awake and out getting coffee already. It was a rough night, and I found no point in staying in bed all day."

"How can I help, Kurt?"

"I know I hadn't made an appointment for this week, and I'd considered taking it back to every other week for a session, but after last night, I've realized that it's not time yet. I need to see you this week if you have time?"

"Kurt, your normal slot is open for you if you'd like to come in on Tuesday….shall I pencil you in for Thursday as well or play it by ear?"

"Let's tentatively do Thursday. I think….I just need…" He sighed long and loud. "I've met someone, and I really like him. I've been brutally honest with him about everything. He knows all about what happened, but I'm terrified for the future of any relationship we might have if I don't get ahold of myself. A simple gesture last night sent me careening off of the sofa into the wall, shaking and rocking back and forth. It was unbelievably embarrassing, and he ended up leaving…not out of fear or being freaked out, but because I asked him to. I do think I scared him, though. Hell, I scared me!"

"Kurt, have you tried the journaling we discussed? I know you were hesitant at first, but it's proven that getting things out of your system, out of your head, even if it's just on paper that nobody else will ever see…..well, it's quite therapeutic. I think it will be helpful, and again I urge you to give it a shot?"

"At this point, I'll try anything. I don't want to see that look on his face ever again. If, after last night, he ever comes back, I want to be able to handle my feelings and not have a breakdown. I have a long road ahead of me, but I count that as a blessing, and I want to live it to the fullest, not hide away in the shadows over what happened in the past or what might happen in
the future. I need to concentrate on now."

Dr. Stein felt her shoulders sag. She was so relieved to hear Kurt say those words. It had been a hard road, and although she'd only been seeing him for a matter of weeks, she had read all of the notes from his previous doctor, as well as the hospital records and the rest of his file with the police report, etc. What Kurt had gone through, survived was a better word, had been horrific, and she admired his courage and strength. But since the attack, he'd been concentrating on what had happened and the simple fact that he'd convinced himself that he had no future. His entire attitude about himself was that he was damaged goods, that he surely couldn't find anyone to love him now, and that the future was a dark place that he'd have to put up with. Hearing him speak of the future with some hope made her heart happy. Hearing that he wanted to concentrate on "now" was amazing.

"Kurt, do yourself a favor. Find a journal…a notebook, anything at all that you can write in. Give it a whirl. Write your feelings down and bring anything you have with you on Tuesday. I'm not saying I'm going to read it, but perhaps you'll come across something in your writing that we can discuss that we haven't considered yet?"

"I will. When I leave here I'm going to the print shop a few blocks over. I'll pick one up and give it a try. Thank you for calling me back so quickly. I was expecting an answering service to pick up last night, and I hope I didn't wake you with my call?"

"Not at all. It's no trouble, Kurt. Please, get the journal, vent into it, and we'll talk on Tuesday. As always, though, if you need me before then, do not hesitate to call me, ok?"

"Thank you, I will. I'll see you Tuesday." Kurt said, ending the call.