CHAPTER 33
He'd barely had his hand on the doorknob before David burst into his apartment, taking in his surroundings in a sweeping glance and waving his arms around wildly with enthusiasm.
"Kurt! It's wonderful to see you again! I feel like it's been months…..so, so busy with the loft. Things are moving along nicely, though. You'll have to stop by and see how it's changing! Eventually I'll need your input anyway. I need to know where you want to put things, and how you want your office situated, of course!" David rambled, walking into Kurt's apartment for the first time. "Wow, this is wonderful! How did you find this gem? Original woodwork and everything! Impressive. My sister owns a building similar to this one somewhere in this neighborhood. I've never been there, I don't know where it is, exactly, but she rents out the apartments and all that good stuff. SO! What have you been up to?"
Kurt was just overwhelmed. David Keller was standing in the middle of his living room. He was still star struck with the man, even though they technically had worked together for weeks now.
"I've been…busy….quite busy, actually. Can I get you something to drink? Then we can go over what I've got prepared to show you?" Kurt answered.
"Do you have any bottled water? I've had 7 cups of coffee already this morning and I don't think I can handle much more!" David said, a smile playing on his face. Kurt nearly laughed out loud thinking to himself Gee, you could have fooled me with how calm you are!
"Absolutely…" Kurt replied, grabbing one out of the fridge and handing it over.
"So….show me what we've got, Kurt!" David smiled. "Oh! Before I forget, you should get my measurements for the suit. It has to fit like a glove! It could mean big things! Now….should I take this off? Of course I should…" he rambled, removing the suit jacket he was already wearing. Kurt measured him and wrote everything down and he would make a file folder later on David as well as everyone else. Although he kept files on his computer, he was a tactile person and loved the feel of the swatch in his hand, and you can't attach a swatch to a computer file. This just kept everything handy for him.
"Well, I have everyone measured already, except for one. The last minute guy you added…he's coming this afternoon. For some reason when I gave him my address, he laughed and asked me if I was joking. I don't know what that's about, but whatever…..anyway, here are the fabric swatches that came in Saturday." Kurt said, handing over the box. "They sent two of each sample, so I put one in the appropriate file with the coordinating model and outfit and left the other out for you to approve."
"Oh! Oh my God, look at this! It's almost fluid! This will hang beautifully!" David gushed, clearly overjoyed with the selections Kurt had made. "I'm over the moon on this one, how many colorways are there?" David asked, running the sample through his fingers, nearly swooning.
"14 according to the tag. I can ask for a card to be sent. I know you'll want to start a library at some point, so it won't hurt to start interacting with the suppliers, and the sooner the better." Kurt was already planning in his head, shelves and racks appearing in his mind, filled with beautiful fabric swatches. "So far they have my personal information for billing and samples and all those things, but I've made them aware that we'll be moving. No point in sending these things to the loft yet. Chances are they'll just sit there and get lost in all the construction, and that won't do at all!"
"Agreed…agreed. So tell me, have you come up with any ideas for my suit?" David asked.
"Oh yes…several. The swatches I picked for that came this weekend as well. I was so used to waiting forever for swatches to arrive….I'd forgotten that many of them come from New York, so it's pretty quick to arrive after the request is made. The selection up here is amazing, too. I went into the showrooms last week and they had to ask me to leave when they were closing up. I was like a kid in a candy store!" Kurt laughed.
"Oh, Kurt, I know exactly what you're saying. I'd get my hands all over those silks and I'd get so excited I'd have to think of my parents having sex to keep things controlled in my boxers! Orgasmic I tell you! There are SO many amazing things out there to work with, and as far as I'm concerned, you just go with what feels right!" David blurted all of this out as if he was discussing his lunch, and Kurt almost snorted with laughter.
Kurt pulled out another file and opened it to reveal the swatches he'd pulled for David's suit. He grabbed his sketch pad and flipped to the first thing he'd drawn, but it wasn't his favorite. However, he wasn't wearing it, so he felt he needed to give David options.
"May I?" David asked, taking the whole sketch pad. He flipped through, taking special consideration with the suits Kurt had drawn up, but he was flipping through his other work as well, commenting here and there on something that caught his eye. Kurt nearly gasped when David turned the page to reveal a drawing of one Blaine Anderson, aka "Adonis", staring back at him. He was immediately stunned, and was caught between wanting to rip the pad out of David's hands and just flip another page and move on as if this didn't happen. David, on the other hand, was studying the drawing as if it were the Mona Lisa.
"Well….there is no question that this one is someone special, is there?" David smiled.
"He uh…yeah….he certainly is. He's an amazing man. We've just recently become acquainted , but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to know him more." Kurt answered, a small, shy smile gracing his face. He'd never had a "boss" who was even remotely interested in his private life, so this was something new.
"And does this handsome fellow have a name? Oh, I see…..tell me it's not really Adonis? Although it fits…quite well. He's a stunning figure, isn't he? How did you meet this one, Kurt?" David smiled.
"Officially…he lives next door. Unofficially, we had a "wow" moment at a coffee shop months ago. I was outside, he was inside. No words exchanged or anything, but I was smitten. Fate has smiled upon me, I guess." He grinned. "I got my second chance to meet him and we have a date tomorrow night!" Kurt almost squealed. "Oh my God, could I act like more of a teenage girl? I'm so embarrassed!" he snickered, blushing.
"It suits you, Kurt. It was that spark of being alive and excited about fashion that drew me to you. The spark is good for other things as well, apparently! It's good to see you smile. Some days I feel like you're carrying a huge weight on your shoulders. You look so deep…so lost in thought. I'm glad to see you happy." David said, then paused, flipping through the pages once again, finally stopping on Kurt's favorite sketch of the suit he had planned out for David. He said nothing, hoping to get David's honest opinion of the drawing. "I like this….a lot. Kurt this is fantastic, and it's going to make me look like a million bucks!" he laughed. "This is it! This is the one!" David smiled widely.
"I'm glad you picked that one, it's my favorite as well. Because of your coloring, I thought perhaps this suiting, with some accents of…." Kurt began. He was off and running and David was enthralled with his enthusiasm for design and fabrics. They talked for hours, going over almost every file, discussing the model, the appropriate design or outfit they wanted, picked fabrics and notions and with only a handful left, David leaned back on the sofa and let out a long sigh.
"I'm beat, Kurt. I say we leave the rest for another day. You have so much to work on I don't know how we'll get to them anytime soon anyway. That being said, I know you can't possibly do all this on your own. I know right now we're not in any huge hurry, but I'd like to get some things sewn up, even as rough patterns, to see how we like them if you can manage that?" David said, glancing at Kurt's left wrist with its brace sticking out like a sore thumb. "Rough weekend?" he smiled, intrigued.
"You could say that….but it'll be fine. The left hand is more of a guide anyway when I'm sewing …I'll make it work. Have no fear!" Kurt smiled.
"You're not going to elaborate on how that happened? Slipped in the shower? Fell down the steps?" David smirked. Judging by Kurt's downcast eyes he was hiding something.
Kurt thought about it for a few seconds before figuring that there was really no reason to not tell the truth on this….even as unlikely as it seemed coming from Kurt.
"Um…well, there was sort of a domestic disturbance across the street" he said, nodding out the window to Maggie's building. "There were kids involved, and the man came after them while they were in my care. I remember swinging my arm out with every ounce of strength I could muster when he came at us…but honestly I wasn't even looking. By pure luck I seemed to have hit him in the face. I just wanted him to be away from them, that's it. Then...well...this is apparently what happened." Kurt smirked, sort of embarrassed.
"And the kids?" David questioned.
"Right as rain, no issues to speak of." Kurt answered.
"Their mother?"
"She's doing well, I think. The man was taken away by the police. I hope they lock him up for a long time." Kurt said.
"Ok, then, as long as everyone is well and healthy. You let me know if you're having issues with using the machine? And order that darker grey for my suit….let's try to get it done first, can we?"
"I'm good with that. I'll need to order the fabrics in right away….did you have a few in mind that you want to see complete sooner than others?" Kurt asked.
"Definitely this one….and this one….try that….and I'm DYING to see how this fits through the shoulders. If you can pull that off I'll give you a raise!" he laughed.
"Oh I can make it work, believe me. I've done it before. I'll do it again and it'll be fabulous! It's all in how you gather at the sleeve….." Kurt explained. "I'll get these fabrics ordered first thing after lunch. If the yardage is in stock, we should have it in a matter of days and I'll get right on it."
"OH! Yes…as for that…." David said, rummaging around in his back pocket and pulling out his wallet. He handed Kurt a credit card, a platinum card at that, with Kurt E. Hummel printed clearly across the front. "Do with it as you wish. The bill comes to me. I trust you'll be smart with it. No point in having to dip into your personal account for work related issues, Kurt!" David smiled. "Ok, I'm late for a lunch appointment, so I'll be running. Can you come in this week to discuss the layout of the offices? The contractor wants to know where we want to put offices, and I've got a corner in mind….of course, if you want the same corner, I may be persuaded to give it up!" he laughed. "We also need to discuss hiring employees, because I don't think for one minute that you and I need to be answering phones and ordering lunch. We need a professional for that! Not to mention a seamstress or two…a tailor, etc. And I have my sister there doing some of the furniture placement and ordering, so you have to pick out some things for yourself! Lots to discuss, Kurt! It's happening, so I hope you're prepared!" David beamed.
"I'm so prepared. I can't wait, David. This is a dream come true, and I promise I won't screw it up for you! I'll be in tomorrow or Thursday to …wait….office? I get an OFFICE?" Kurt grinned, so proud to be a part of the venture.
"Of course you do! Oh Kurt….you make me smile! Look at your face, totally overwhelmed with confusion. Your young innocence is precious!" he crowed. "My top designer gets whatever space he wants…among other things I'm sure. You're a vital part of this venture and it's my job to make you happy! I have every faith in you, Kurt, no worries on my end! Ok, so that's that, and I'm out the door. I'll speak with you soon about the loft space. Thank you for your time, Kurt!" he said, then let himself out the front door with a quiet click.
Kurt felt like he had just stepped off of a roller coaster. His adrenaline was pumping and he was so excited to get started! Grabbing a few of the selected folders off the table, he picked up his pen and started figuring out how much fabric he was going to need for each design ….lining…interfacing….buttons…zippers…clasps….snap s….thread…. With a shake of his head he started writing a list.
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
2:15 from Blaine: Tomorrow night. Dinner "and"….. I'll be by around 7:00? Casual
2:16 from Kurt: Where are we going
2:16 from Blaine: No can do, it's a surprise!
2:17 from Kurt: Seriously? You're not even telling me where we're going? Blaine! How will I know what to wear? And what's "and"?
2:19 from Blaine: Casual? Lol "And" is a conjunction. Didn't you watch cartoons as a kid? Conjunction Junction, what's your function…..
2:20 from Kurt: Ok, so we've only known each other for a couple of days, but clearly you aren't aware of how many options "casual" leaves me! And yes, I watched cartoons, and I know that 'and' is a ….BLAINE!
2:21 from Blaine: Kurt. Remain calm. Do you need me to help you pick something out?
2:22 from Kurt: I'm a grown man, Blaine, I can certainly dress myself. Just tell me where we're going!? ;)
2:24 from Blaine: No can do. I'll show you what I'm wearing, you can go from there! :p
2:26 from Kurt: You realize I'm having an anxiety attack now, right?
2:27 from Blaine: No question who will be the drama queen in this relationship! LOL
2:28 from Kurt: I'm not a…
OMG….he said 'relationship'. And yesterday he said 'couple'. Squeal! Ok, maybe I am the drama queen!
2:30 from Blaine: Did I lose ya? You're not a what? And don't even say drama queen, because you SO are!
2:31 from Kurt: Whatever….you just threw me off for a minute, that's all.
2:32 from Blaine: Note to self: It's easy to throw Kurt off by not telling him what to wear!
2:33 from Kurt: Yeah, that too, I guess.
2:34 from Blaine: ? too?
What else did I say that would throw him off? OH! Oh my god….did that freak him out? Oh shit….
2:35 from Blaine: And…..are you …..ok….with having been thrown off?
2:35 from Blaine: Because I used "that" word…I don't want to freak you out, Kurt, but….yeah.
2:36 from Blaine: And now you're not saying anything, and there's lots of thumping noise coming from your apartment. I've freaked you out, haven't I?! L You ok? I'm sorry…I guess I should have maybe used another term….other than that. I hope you're not banging your head against the wall?
2:37 from Kurt: Sorry, all is well, I was moving something. I had to set my phone down.
2:38 from Blaine: You're ok then? With…. Um…'us'?
2:40 from Kurt: Perfectly fine. 7 pm tomorrow. I'll be ready ;)
There was no way in heaven or hell Kurt was going to tell Blaine that the thumping and noise that he heard was Kurt jumping up and down on his bed, flailing his arms around like a teenage girl. No way.
2:41 from Blaine: See you then, I'm on my way to get coffee, you want anything? Wanna go with me?
2:42 from Kurt: I'm good, thanks. David is sending someone else over to be measured and I'm expecting him any minute now, or else I'd go in a heartbeat.
2:43 from Blaine: OH! Guess what? I have an interview tomorrow for a job! A "real" job!
2:45 from Kurt: WHERE?! That's wonderful!
2:45 from Blaine: I'll call you with all the details later. I think your "appointment" is here. ;)
Blaine reached the bottom of the stairs when the front door of the building opened and in walked a tall, slender man with broad shoulders, a devastatingly handsome face, perfect hair and a shit eating grin.
"You Hummel?" the man asked Blaine.
"Uhmm….no. He's….up there….apartment…top of the stairs…" Blaine said, gesturing. "Do I know you from somewhere? You look familiar…?" Blaine couldn't shake the feeling he'd seen this guy somewhere before, but he couldn't think of where it would have been if he was a model.
"Don't think so. You in David's show as well?" he questioned.
"David's show?" Blaine said, giving him a quizzical look.
"Oh, I thought you were here with Kurt Hummel to be measured and all that…that's what I'm here for…actually." The guy explained, tilting his head and pointing up the steps.
"Oh, no, I live here…the other apartment upstairs. Well, one of the other apartments….there are three." Blaine explained.
"Really….." the guy smiled with that shit eating grin again. "Which apartment would that be, then?" the guy asked. Blaine was confused and wondered why he was so interested. The look on his face was more predatory than interested. It kind of freaked him out.
"Um….up the stairs…to the right. Not around the banister, just….up there…" he pointed to where his door would be in relation to the ceiling. The guy just nodded, and Blaine felt the unease again. If he didn't know better he'd say this guy was sizing him up, making mental notes and everything.
"Noted. Good neighbors here in the building?" The guy asked.
"Err…yeah….for the most part. One's a bit…outgoing. The other….is…." is what? Handsome, sexy, attractive, kind, sweet, smart, MINE! He wanted to shout. Suddenly he was more than wary of this guy. "He's um…Kurt. The other neighbor is Kurt, who you're going to see. Ok, then…I'm gonna…um….." he said motioning to the door. "Coffee….yeah." Blaine said, feeling oddly off balance with this stranger. Who WAS this guy?
"Oh….I'm Blaine. Blaine Anderson…" he said, sticking his hand out. He suddenly had an urge to see who this man was, to learn his name, even though he couldn't figure any good reason to know.
"Hunter… Hunter Clarington." The guy said, reaching to shake Blaine's hand, still, the shit eating, predatory grin on his face.
"Good to meet you, Hunter….I'm…I'll catch you later I'm sure." Blaine said, backing to the door. Hunter never released his stare, watching Blaine until the last sliver of daylight disappeared through the crack in the door. As soon as the door closed Blaine grabbed his phone and sent Kurt another message.
2:45 from Blaine: The guy you're measuring is totally creeping me out. Be safe, he makes me nervous for some reason. Getting coffee, be right back if you need me. Call me right away if you need something.
2:46 from Kurt: Ok? Alright….thank you. Uneasy now….lol Maybe I will take that coffee after all? Grande nonfat mocha? Please?
2:47 from Blaine: Your wish is my command. Back soon! I don't want to disturb you. I'll leave it outside the door and text you when I'm back. (hug from me)
Measuring Hunter was odd. He had a grin on his face that was kind of disconcerting, yet other times he seemed lost in thought and moody. He said very little at first, only introducing himself, then going quiet as Kurt worked. He was concerned, however, when he had Hunter remove his bulky sweater to measure his arms, and he saw angry red marks around his wrists. Clearly this wasn't something he was going to comment on, as it was none of his business, but he filed it away in the back of his mind for later.
"Do you mind if I photograph you? I like to keep a photo in the file to reference coloring, bone structure, that sort of thing. Eventually I'll have everyone, but you'll be the first." Kurt smiled.
"Yeah…yeah, that's fine. Whatever makes me look good later!" Hunter grinned, clearly joking.
"You've done this before then?" Kurt asked.
"Not long. A couple of years. It pays the bills while I finish school."
"Oh? What are you studying?" Kurt inquired, glad to have pulled the man into a normal conversation.
Hunter grinned and blushed, eyes downcast, he stated simply: "Medicine"
"Really?! Well, that's a tall order, isn't it? Impressive. I don't know how you have time to do this with all the studying you must have to do?" Kurt said.
"That's why I like doing it. It's very little work at first, before any showing that is, but the payout is almost always good. It gives me time to focus on studying, and the actual 'working hours' aren't stressful. It's easy to plan around, too. It's not as if you're going to come to me and say 'oh, and by the way, we have a show tonight…..' or anything like that." Hunter explained to him. "And I can do as much or as little as I want. Technically I don't have to work…my parents are very generous….for now, anyway, but I don't like asking for anything if I don't have to."
"That makes sense I guess. Doesn't leave you much time for a social life, though, I suppose?"
Hunter's eyes were immediately downcast and Kurt was annoyed at himself for going there, for bringing up things that might be too personal. So he back tracked as quickly as he could.
"I'm sorry, that was too forward of me. Your personal life is none of my business at all, and I apologize." He said with a warm smile.
"Oh, no, it's not that…it's just…this weekend was um….it wasn't the best in my current relationship. And now I'm wondering if I even have a relationship at all with him." He smiled, sadly.
Kurt had to stop himself from falling backwards. "You're um….you're gay?" he said, smoothly.
"Does that bother you?" Hunter said, icily. "Sorry, that wasn't….that came out harshly." Hunter said, squeezing his eyes shut. "I don't know what I am, Kurt. I'm a big conflicted ball of feelings and confusion right now, thank you very much!" he laughed, trying to make up for snapping at Kurt.
"Oh….um…ok. Well, it's never really been a big secret for me. My dad says he's known since I was four, so...um…if there's anything I could help you with…to figure things out….I'm all ears. I mean, I'm well aware that we've just met, but I find that, often, it's easier to say certain things in front of someone who doesn't know you all that well. Anyway, I won't judge you. It's just easier, I find, to move through life when you're certain of who you are and what you want. You seem to already know what you want?" Kurt smiled.
"I do. I want my career, and almost more than that, I want the guy I've been seeing to only see me, but that's not going to happen. Not as long as he has stunning men surrounding him every damn day." Hunter growled out.
"He works with these 'stunning men' then?" Kurt asked, curiously.
"No, it's where he lives. I can't really demand that he move, right? And to be honest, I don't think he should have to move. If he cares about me, which he always claims that he does, then it wouldn't matter who lives in his building, right?" Hunter said, trying to look confident, but with a hint of sadness in his eyes.
"It shouldn't, no." Kurt answered, now concerned with the sorrow he saw in Hunter. "But it does…it does matter. When you care for someone, everything they do matters. The inflection of every word matters. The emotion in every stare matters. The softness, or lack thereof, in every touch matters."
There were a few moments of silence while Kurt continued to make notes in the file, grabbed his measuring tape and took a few last minute measurements, copied them down, then closed the file with a snap and put it on the desk. He raised his eyes to see Hunter staring straight at him, his face peaceful.
"You're absolutely right. It all matters." He almost whispered, closing his eyes. For a minute, Kurt thought Hunter was going to cry.
"Hey…hey, here…" Kurt said, grabbing Hunter's hand and patting it like his aunt used to do to him when he was upset as a child. "Is there anything I can help with? I mean, you don't have to talk to me, but I'm a good listener, and I hate to send you away like this…in this state of mind, mostly because I brought it up and now I feel like an ass, but also because it's just not good to be so down." He smiled. Just then his phone buzzed with a text. He glanced at it quickly, and rose to go to the door. Clearly Blaine went inside before texting him because he was nowhere in sight, but the steaming cup of coffee was sitting outside his door. He texted back a thank you quickly.
"Do you have anywhere to go?" Kurt asked.
"No, I have some studying to do though. That'll be my whole evening, probably." Hunter replied.
"Ok…..ok then, I'm going to pry now, and you're going to spill your guts, and then I'm going to forget everything you said, and you're going to go home with your mind cleared and study your ass off, deal?"
Hunter laughed, a surprisingly sweet sound. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "You don't have to do this. It's my problem, and I'm sure you have other things to do, Kurt, although I do appreciate the offer."
"What kind of person would I be if I let you go home like this, knowing you won't be able to concentrate on your studies with all of this going 'round in your head?" Kurt grinned. He got up and walked into the kitchen, grabbing two coffee mugs from his cabinet and dividing his recently delivered mocha into two portions. Setting them down on the coffee table, Kurt grabbed Hunter's hand and pulled him down to the opposite side of the sofa, placing the mugs in front of them.
"Ok, spill!" he smiled. Hunter him-hawed around for a bit, playing with the soft fabric on the cushions of the sofa, making patterns with his fingers before finally sighing and diving right in.
"Where to begin…." Hunter mused. "Hmmm….Ok, I met this guy a while back, and he's so stunningly handsome that it makes me want to scream. He can't go anywhere without a gaggle of men staring at him, and he's well aware of it. He comes off as this real shitty, snarky jerk, but inside…deep down, the guy I know isn't like that. He's kind and fun and sweet. He's generous to a fault and selfless. He travels a lot for work, so we only see each other sporadically, but when we're together, it's like…..I can't even describe it." Hunter blushed, clearly about the things going through his mind. "He's….in bed, he's….." he took a deep breath. "Just….oh my GOD…Let's leave it at that. What bothers me is that I know why…I know why he's so good at it, because he's done it so often, with so many other guys, and I hate that. I hate that I sometimes feel like a notch on the bedpost. Now though…I know he's busy, I know he's gone a lot, I know he probably doesn't have time for other guys….seriously, anyway. We've never actually talked about being 'exclusive', using that particular word, although I've dropped enough hints that he better know by now. He's a good guy….and I really care about him, but he does things…says things to wind me up and I don't know why. I can't imagine why he would bait me the way he does. I feel like I'm constantly just trying to hang on to him, to make sure he's not straying too far….but I don't feel that I should have to be that way in a relationship where we're both on the same page, ya know?" Hunter finished, shaking his head.
"Wow….that's….yeah." Kurt said, unsure of where to go with that. "So you've told him, not in so many words, that you want to be exclusive? And he's refused, or he might be exclusive with you, but you're unsure?"
"I don't know what he does when I'm not around. And that's a lot of the time, unfortunately. He's gone out of town for work a lot, like I said, and he goes across the country and across the ocean. He could have a guy in every port for all I know. He's not the most open guy, and getting him to talk isn't easy sometimes. He made a comment about someone in his building after we'd had an argument….about the hot new guy and wanting to 'tap that' or some such thing, and I saw red. It wasn't as if he already had, or that he was asking me to leave so he could, but I couldn't help wondering WHY he'd say that to me if he felt anything for me. It hurt….God it hurt so damn bad…. and I don't know how to deal with that without sounding like a whiny child. After this weekend though…yesterday….I'm just….I can't. Anymore. I just…." He said, his voice shaky, and his eyes downcast. "He um…he left me…somewhere, and spent time with this guy that he said is so great and wonderful…just….he just forgot about me! There's nothing like wanting to scream and yell and die and just walk out and not being able to!" he said heatedly, his hands moving to massage his wrists, probably unbeknownst to Hunter himself.
"You couldn't leave?!" Kurt said, confused and a little worried. "Why couldn't you leave?" he asked.
Hunter blushed 37 shades of crimson before muttering under his breath "iwasalittletiedupatthetime", somewhere between angry and mortified. The scene that hit Kurt just then almost knocked the breath out of his lungs and left him wide eyed and gasping outloud. Oh my God….no….it couldn't be.
"This guy….your boyfriend….does he have a name?" Kurt asked, already knowing.
Hunter chuckled, never letting his eyes raise from the sofa cushion he was studying intently.
"Sebastian." He grinned, finally looking Kurt in the eyes.
"Oh dear God…." Kurt breathed out slowly.
"Yeah….." Hunter grinned, knowing immediately that Kurt knew.
"You're….and he was at Blaine's…the bolt cutters…and….your wrists…oh my God….!" Kurt stuttered out.
Hunter was blushing so furiously that Kurt knew he needed to do damage control, and fast! The last thing he wanted was for Hunter to shut down and refuse to talk more. He'd already made him feel uncomfortable, he wouldn't allow himself to be the cause of making it worse.
"Ok, so….well, you got out of there, that's good, right? What happened? Oh goodness…that's probably…I mean, you don't have to tell me that!" Kurt stuttered out again. He was having a hard time coming up with coherent thoughts, and even more of a hard time voicing them. Too many things were rushing through his head at the moment. Sebastian had flat out TOLD his boyfriend that he wanted to "tap that" with Blaine? Kurt felt all the blood rush out of his face and he was suddenly light headed….and cold. Just cold…all over.
"Kurt? You ok? You're suddenly really pale….can I get you something?" Hunter asked, clearly concerned.
"No, I'm ok…I'm…I'm good. Thank you, though. So…let me just get this straight. You were at Sebastian's and he made a comment about wanting to….to um….with Blaine?" Kurt pried.
"Yeah, that guy I ran into in the hallway on the way in. I can see why, I mean the guy's adorable…all that curly hair and those eyes, but….it doesn't make it hurt less. And after I stormed out yesterday, I'm sure he'll be all over him now….and what do I have to say about it? Nothing….I told him to go to hell….that I was just done with him!" Hunter said sadly.
"Oh..no, no, no….this just….he can't….nope." Kurt began. Hunter was very nearly smiling at him now, probably because he was having issues completing a sentence.
"Kurt, this isn't your battle to fight. I appreciate that you're upset on my behalf, but…" Hunter began before Kurt cut him off.
"Oh to hell with that!" he said in his best bitch voice. "It'll be a cold day in hell before I let THAT happen, believe me! That man is not touching Blaine, no way, no how!"
"I'm flattered that you're so concerned, Kurt, but you have to live here. I don't want to start any trouble between neighbors….ok, well, not between you and Sebastian. I wouldn't mind, totally, if there was trouble with Hottie McStudmuffin next door, though."
Kurt couldn't come up with a single thing to say. All he wanted to do was yell…and then go find yellow caution tape and mark off Blaine's door. Perhaps nail it shut? Oh! Perhaps nail Seb's door shut?! That might work! Oh Kurt, get ahold of yourself….Blaine wants YOU to go out with him….calm down, breathe deeply, he told himself. Eyes shut, Kurt shook his head anyway. Nope, this wasn't going to be an issue. He wouldn't allow it.
"Ok, Hunter, here's the deal…." Kurt began before letting his words linger off when he heard the familiar strains of, what he now called, "his song" playing from next door. That quickly, the smile returned to his face and his blood pressure dropped significantly.
"Who's playing? That's amazing….is that the guy?" Hunter asked.
"Yeah….yeah, that's him alright." Kurt smiled. They sat in silence listening to Blaine play 'Kurt's song', the words and music entering through the open windows as well as through the walls. Kurt had chills. It was the first time he'd heard Blaine continue the song on his own, past the point where he'd always stop before Friday night. Kurt nearly squealed with delight upon hearing that he was playing the parts that Kurt had played while they sat in the attic together. The adoration was clear on his face.
"Soooo, am I to assume, by the look of utter contentment on your face, that you're smitten with Mr. Anderson next door?" Hunter asked, feeling now as if pieces were falling into place with their conversation.
"Head over heels, Hunter….head over heels. We have a date tomorrow night, actually." Kurt grinned.
"REALLY?!" Hunter nearly yelled. "So….wait….but Seb was with him yesterday, though, wasn't he?"
"Actually, Seb kind of burst in on an impromptu breakfast gathering and Blaine offered him food, which he initially declined, saying that he'd already had breakfast with you….but then he got drawn into the conversation. At no time was it just the two of them, but I know that's no consolation really." Kurt explained.
"Sooooo, am I right in assuming you're on my side with 'Operation keep Sebastian the hell away from Blaine' now?" Hunter asked.
"Oh, you couldn't be more correct, Mr. Clarington!" Kurt grinned evilly. "And I think you and I should have a little fun with it, don't you?"
"I'm game, as long as you promise to keep the details of this whole thing between you and me. It's mortifying enough already. I don't need anyone else knowing!" Hunter smiled, rolling his eyes.
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 8888888
"Duval" he nearly growled into the phone.
"Hi….did I catch you at a bad time?" Jeff asked, sounding a bit hesitant.
"Jeff! Oh my God, where have you….I've called you like 100 times today, texted you….nothing back!" Nick almost yelled.
"I'm sorry; totally forgot my phone this morning. I stayed at Gram's last night and overslept this morning so I was rushing around. When I got home and showered I realized that I'd forgotten my phone over there and I didn't have time to stop and get it. I didn't mean to ignore you! I promise!" Jeff explained.
"I was….I was just worried. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. Just sort of freaked out I guess. Is everything ok?"
"All's well, so far so good….except I miss you so much I can't concentrate on anything, but other than that….." he let his words fade out gradually. "….100 times, huh?" Jeff grinned.
"Blaine will tell you how awful last night was. I was a mess. How are we going to do this, Jeff? I can't be like this every day. I've looked over the same file of documents four times and I still have no idea what they are!" Nick laughed, although not with as much enthusiasm as usual.
"Yeah….I um….yeah. I had a student ask me today if I was going to be here tomorrow or not. I told him of course I would, why wouldn't I? He said 'well, you're sure not here today! I've been asking you a question for hours!' The little shit….hours….please!" Jeff laughed. "I guess I kinda spaced out for a few minutes there. Lotta stuff on my mind, I guess."
"Yeah…" Nick said with a deep sigh. "So when can I see you again?"
"I haven't even been home 24 hours!" Jeff laughed. "I don't know when….when I'll um….oh Nicky."
"Yeah…I know, babe. This is going to be rough….harder than I'd ever imagined I think."
"Yeah…much harder already. I mean, I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of it all the way home yesterday….how long we'd be apart between visits, but…it's just…it's not fun at all!" Jeff whined. "I woke up this morning without…you. And it was awful."
"Is anything in particular 'harder' than you thought it would be?" Nick asked, a hint of …something…in his voice. Then a small, quick intake of breath…..
"Just being away from you for…..NICKY! Stop. Do NOT. I'm on a freaking phone at school, not even in my own office!" Jeff huffed, laughing under his breath.
"Oh come on…just a little bit….I miss you SO much….your smile, your soft hair, your mouth, oh GOD, your hands….oh the things your hands and fingers do…." He moaned.
"I ha….I have to go. Nicky…I …..gonna kill you! I'm on my break….eating lunch….and I'm not going back to class like that….oh my God I'm going to refuse to talk to you unless I'm at home in bed!" Jeff hissed.
"Mmmmmm….my Jeffie at home in a big, soft bed with rumpled sheets….."
"NICK! Focus…concentrate!"
"Oh I'm focusing alright…." Nick whispered. "Locked my door already….."
"Nicky…please….don't do this to me. I can't…I can't FIX it now…here. STOP making those noises…I WILL hang up on you if you…..oh God….Nicky…." Jeff begged, sliding his palm down over his zipper to release some of the tension. The sounds coming over the phone were pure porn, and Nick wasn't planning on making it easy on Jeff at all. He wanted what he wanted and he planned to get it.
"Keep begging me, babe….it's totally hot…"
Jeff stood, a little unstable….ok, a lot unstable, and made his way across the hall and down a few doors to the restroom off the hallway, hobbling slowly and totally uncomfortable trying to walk this way. He prayed that he was alone in the restroom, because there was no way he was going to be able to go back to class like this. Something had to be done about it. Jeff checked under the stall doors and found that he was, indeed, by the grace of God, alone in the restroom for the moment.
"Nicholas….I swear to God….I'm in school! There are minors here! I borrowed a colleagues phone! If I get caught IN THE BATHROOM at my job, doing THIS, because YOU can't control yourself I swear I'm gonna…." He began, whispering quickly and sternly into the phone.
"Mmmmmmm forceful Jeffie. Tell me what you're gonna do?" Nick grinned into the phone in his best breathy voice. He heard the sound of a door banging shut and a lock slipping into place.
Jeff's head was resting against the cold surface of the bathroom door, the phone still in his hand. His breathing was irregular and he was starting to sweat. He would make every effort to rid himself of painful hardness in his pants without actually having to unzip, unbutton or remove said pants….and without making a mess inside them. If Nick just stopped now and talked about something else, vaginas and boobs perhaps, it would slowly go away.
"Nicky…begging you, please….just….stop." Jeff asked, clearly distressed, but obviously turned on or he wouldn't be having a problem at all. Nick was loving it.
"You alone now, baby?" he teased.
"Nick…please just…not now…not here!" Jeff begged, eyes rolling back in his head.
"Jeffie….you know, if you just get it over with, you'll feel SO much better, right? I mean, I know that I will….I intend to anyway…as soon as I can…..ahhhhhhh….yep….pants undone, babe….you moving right along with me?"
"Sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph….I swear I will get you back for this, Nicholas! Damn it!" Jeff growled, manhandling his button and zipper on his pants. "Help me! Don't leave me like this….I have to be quiet and …..OH shit….God Nicky, please!"
"Close your eyes, babe…think of me holding you….touching you…feel me nipping at your neck? Mmmmmmmmm, shit you taste good, baby….." Nick whispered to him.
"Please….." Jeff whimpered out, trying desperately to be quiet, to just get it over with, but damn, Nicky sounded SO good, and he missed him so much already.
"Every time you say that….every time 'please' comes out of your mouth like that, a silent pleading, I know how your eyes look…they're glazed over, heavy, wanting to close, but needed to be alert to what's going on. So hot, Jeff….so damn hot."
"Oh God….Nick, this isn't fair….I can't…you're not here! I need…..ohhh…I need….." Jeff muttered.
"Remember Sunday night, me easing up to you in the kitchen….nudging you up on to the counter…it was cold on that fine ass of yours, huh? But then my mouth….mmmmmm…not so cold, right? How was that for you, baby? Did you enjoy my mouth, Mr. Sterling?" Nick teased.
The unsteady, harsh breaths on the other end of the line were turning Nick on so much he could barely speak clearly, and Jeff was past incoherent.
"So….so hot Nicky….mouth was so h..hot baby….please….so close…." Jeff stuttered out.
"My tongue adores your pretty cock, babe….everything about you….just so beautiful, the unbelievable noises you make….and oh God help me when you come…..and your beautiful eyes just roll back in your head…..your mouth falls open and you make the most fucking fantastic sounds…..
The noises Nick heard on the other end of the line left nothing to the imagination. He knew Jeff was close….so close….he wasn't even speaking, probably couldn't, and Nick was determined to help him finish.
"Come for me, Jeff. Now. Do it, think how good it feels when your stunning, beautiful cock hits the back of my throat and…." Good God, now he couldn't hold on any longer. The thoughts he was sending to Jeff were sending him over the edge himself! "Baby...come with me….please…..Jeff!" he growled out as he gave one last quick jerk of his hand and came all over his fist, his stomach and the stupid file he'd read four times already.
"Ni….Nicky…..oh God….fuck….oh fuck…" Jeff whispered in to the phone, trying his best to be as silent as possible. His climax shot over him like a wave of pleasure and he all but collapsed against the wall of the bathroom stall. The feel of the cold wall on his cheek was the only thing keeping him lucid at this point, otherwise he would have collapsed to the floor. He was sandwiching the phone between the wall and his ear, both arms hanging limply at his sides, just listening to the sounds of Nick's heavy breathing on the other end. When his brain re-engaged, he spoke with harsh tones into the phone.
"Nicholas Michael Duval, I swear you will regret this when I get my hands on you! Do you know what you just did! What you made ME do? What in the name of ALL that's holy were you thinking! I'm at work, I work with CHILDREN for the love of God! What if someone had walked in here when I was…when we were….when you made me…do…THAT! WHAT do you have to say for yourself!" he hissed playfully into the phone.
"You're perfect. That was insanely hot. And I'm so, so addicted to you, like a drug….I just can't get enough, Jeff. I'd love to promise you I'll never do that again, but I'd be a liar. I'm dying to be close to you, any way I can, anywhere possible…just…..I need you. Please don't be angry with me?" Nick pouted.
"That is SO unfair, Nick! How can I be upset with you when you say all those pretty little things! You're an evil man, Nicholas Duval!" he snickered, wiping his hands and pulling himself together quickly.
"I'll make it up to you, I promise." Nick smiled into the phone. "Don't you worry….you'll forget all about this when I'm done with you! And besides, you could have hung up on me at any point in this conversation if you really wanted to…. "
Jeff heard the bells chime for the next period of classes and he quickly told Nick goodbye and that he'd call him when he got home and picked up his phone.
"If you HAVE to go…." Nick whined. "But Jeffie….I look very forward to you 'getting your hands on me' the next time!" he giggled.
Jeff exited the stall and washed his hands, drying them on a paper towel and checking his appearance in the mirror. He had a splitting grin on his face thinking of Nick and he had turned to leave the restroom just as a group of younger boys came in from the hallway, one of them clearly having fallen on the playground. His pants were ripped at the knee and his hand was scraped up on the palm.
"Mr. S-Sterling! Look what h-happened to my hand and my p-pants. My m-mom is gonna be s-so mad at me!" he wailed.
"C'mon, buddy, let's get you fixed up. First we'll wash your hand…looks like you fell in the gravel, is that what happened? You were playing on the towers again, huh? Don't freak out, I'll be careful with it!" he smiled down at his student, gently running his scraped hand under the water in the sink. "Then I'll tell you what, I'll call your mom and tell her about the pants…smooth the way for you, how 'bout that, big man?" Jeff said, sliding an arm around the distraught boy.
"O-Ok. She won't be m-mad at y-you if you t-tell her about it for me." He hiccupped.
"I'll explain to her that it was inevitable…..how you were rescuing a fair….er….. maiden…. from the tower where she was hidden away by the evil Prince Nicholas, who doesn't follow rules and listen to his advisors…" he went on, snickering to himself.
Fixing up the boy's hand, he walked him to the nurse for some antiseptic and a bandage, while sending the other boys back to class. He waved to his student , leaving the nurse's office, with the promise to pave the way with his mother before dismissal at the end of the day.
With a smile, he headed back to the office to pack up what was left of his lunch and leave his colleagues phone on the desk. He would get even with Nicky for this….he would make him pay. And he was really looking forward to it.
888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
"Kurt! I'm so glad you decided to come back for another visit. Have a seat. Tell me what's gotten you all riled up about the weekend?" Dr. Stein prompted him.
"Well, all in all it was a fantastic weekend, but I can't remember the last time I'd had one so eventful!" Kurt began.
"Ok, start from the beginning and tell me what happened?"
Kurt began with a sigh. "Ok, here goes…..back when I first moved up here I was out one Sunday morning with Rachel…"
"Your best friend, the one you were living with?" she asked.
"Yes, the giant diva pain in the ass that's dating my step brother, that's her. Anyway, so we were out early one Sunday morning when we happened past a coffee shop…." He began, and told her the whole tale, right up until the Friday night in the attic.
"Kurt, you've got to be kidding me….that's…that's crazy!" she laughed. In a city this big, for you to run into him again, let alone end up in the same BUILDING…..I can't imagine! Ok, so go on. Friday night he was having the party…." She began.
"Yes, and he came up to the attic when he heard me playing….it was the craziest thing. I can't begin to describe all the things that went on in my mind, but….well, I ended up falling asleep on his sofa…with him…of course nothing untoward happened, but it was really very unlike me, and I woke up….laying on him, practically in his arms. I was a little apprehensive for a minute, but I got past it. I was so proud of myself…I felt like I was doing well, not giving in to the panic. Then Saturday night he came by after work." Kurt said, his eyes beginning to water up. "I was so glad to see him, and we were just talking and everything was fine…but he went to put his arms around me and brushed up against my neck and…and I totally had a melt down. It was horrible and embarrassing and ….just mortifying!" Kurt said, eyes downcast.
"Ok, so tell me what happened, exactly, that made you have a melt down?"
"We were talking, and he made this face and I said something about his cute face, and he made more faces, just being silly, and I leaned over and just…kissed him, quickly…." Kurt blushed. "But when he leaned in to kiss me back, he put his hands on my shoulders and I nearly threw myself back off the sofa…hit the floor with a thunk and scrambled back against the wall before I knew what had happened. It was scary and I saw things…I flashed back. It was horrible. The look of fear on his face…he thought he'd hurt me…done something wrong, and it was ME, it wasn't him! I've never felt more stupid." He lamented.
"Kurt, it's not stupid. Your feelings are not stupid, ever. I do not think I need to remind you of all that you've been through this past year, do I? These things will stay in your subconscious for a long time, Kurt, and there is little to no chance that you'll ever completely rid yourself of the memories. How you deal with them, however, depends solely on you." Dr. Stein explained. "Have you started writing in your journal?"
"I did…briefly. I have to be honest with you, I'm really unsure how this is supposed to help. I wrote down everything you said, put it in my own words, tried to be totally honest with what happened, how it made me feel, how I reacted to it then and how I'm reacting to it now. I didn't feel any better, and in fact, I felt so sick afterwards that I was unable to sleep well that night. The next morning I was still nauseous and I had a headache. To be quite honest, if that's what's going to happen every time I try to get all of my feelings out, I'll pass, thank you very much." Kurt said sadly.
"Kurt, emptying your mind of everything, putting it down on paper, freeing your subconscious of the horrific details…it's all very important. The memories will be there, but if you let all of your emotion out, talk about it, write about it, free it from the confines of your head space, I think it will do a world of good for you. Let me ask you, Kurt…how many people know about your experience with Jackson?" she asked, genuinely interested.
"Not a lot….my dad and Carole, Rachel, Blaine…the staff at the hospital, Dr. Reynolds, and you of course." Kurt answered.
"Now how many of those individuals are you close to? How many of them do you speak to on a regular basis? How many of them can you bounce your feelings off of if you need to?" Dr. Stein asked.
"I'm not at all comfortable speaking about it with my dad or Carole. It's not as if I don't feel I have their support, because I'm certain that I do, however, considering what happened, I'm hesitant to go into the details. It's still very…embarrassing… for me to speak with them about. I'm certain that Carole knows all the little details, as she's on staff at the hospital where I was a patient. I don't know what she's spoken to my father about…technically, she's not allowed to tell him anything at all, but I wouldn't really blame her if she had. " Kurt explained.
"And why is that? Why wouldn't you blame her?" she asked.
"Because she's married to my dad! He's my dad, and there are few people in this world closer to me than he is…in fact, there probably isn't anyone closer to me." Kurt explained, a little wound up now.
"So there is nobody closer to you than your father, but you haven't discussed with him what happened in any detail? Something that changed you inherently?" she prompted.
"Well….no. Like I said, I don't want to. I don't want to put him through that. I don't want him seeing those images in his head forever the way I will. I don't want to burden him with all of it!" Kurt said.
"And if you told your father, in so many words, that you didn't want to share your experience with him because you didn't want to burden him with it…what do you think he'd say to that?" Dr. Stein asked.
Kurt thought about that for a minute before answering. He closed his eyes and huffed out a small laugh.
"He'd probably be offended. In fact, I'm certain that he would. He'd be offended that I wouldn't confide in him…that I wouldn't trust him to be strong enough for me. But it's not that! His heart is bad, and I'm terrified to get him too upset with this. It's over, it's history, it's done and there's nothing I can do about it now, so why rehash it?" Kurt exclaimed.
"Why, indeed, Kurt?" she said calmly. "Why not just shut it out of your brain and turn it off…go on with your life as if it's over and done with. Hell, why not as if it never happened?"
"Because it did happen! It did happen to me, and it was horrible and you can't just forget something like that and pretend it wasn't real! It changed my life, it changed who I am, it made me a bitter, closed off person for too long now and I'm sick of that guy!" Tears were streaming down his face now, and he was breathing heavily. He flopped his head back on the sofa and let the tears run down his face without worry. Neither said anything for a few minutes. When Kurt had pulled himself together, he opened his eyes and looked at Dr. Stein, hurt clearly all over his face.
"Kurt….it did happen. Dealing with it is the only thing that will make it any easier. It'll never go away, but up until now, you've refused to deal with it at all. You've hidden it away and tried to act as if it wasn't a part of you. But Kurt, it is. It is such a part of you…it always will be. It has shaped you… who you are, how you think, how you react! Put it in it's place, Kurt. Take control. Tell those feelings that there is no place for them, and work to push them aside. Retrain your brain, your heart, your soul, to trust again, because this is the only way you're going to have room for Blaine there."
Kurt's eyes closed and he hung his head. "Where do I begin?" he asked sadly.
"Well, considering that you have this amazing network of people in your corner, I'd start by putting it all out on the table with your dad. There is absolutely no need at all to tell him all the gory details. There's no point in that, but he needs to know, and not speculate, what you've been through. He's your father Kurt. You're his only son. What do you think is worse in his mind? The truth or the scenarios he's come up with on his own?" she said with a motherly smile.
"Ok, I get it. I'm sure what he's seeing in his mind is much worse. But I don't get why I have to tell him. He knows the gist of what happened already." Kurt asked.
"Kurt, it's my opinion that part of what's bugging YOU is that you haven't dealt with this. Dealing with it requires making peace with it, sending it away and not letting it rule you anymore. It will take time, you're not going to walk out of here today and suddenly think 'oh my goodness, this is awesome, I feel so much better now!' But you have already told me how much better you felt after having told Rachel…and then Blaine. I honestly think that part of what's eating at you is that you haven't shared this huge part of yourself with the most important person in your life. Perhaps your mind sees it as lying to your father….by omission of course, but a lie nonetheless? Allow yourself to set that part free, Kurt. Deal with it, and allow your dad to deal with it as well?" she suggested. Kurt was uncertain, still, but promised to give it some thought before his next meeting.
A/N This update took forever, and for that I apologize. It's been a hectic week with a lot going on, and I was out of town for Easter with no internet (gah!) Anyway, it's extra long, so I hope that makes up for the lag in updates :)
Thanks to Janina for keeping me sane and smacking me in the head when I began to freak out. :D