As the hours of night passed over the city, Helmet walked through the halls of the church with a lit torch in hand. He soon stopped a door and knocked three times. After a moment or two, he knocked again, this time resulting in the door being flung open and a very irritated Flat Cap was now standing before him in nothing but his underwear.
"What?!" He shouted.
"Firstly, lower your voice, Ser Flat Cap." The knight began, "Secondly, I require thou and Loincloth's assistance in a sensitive matter. Please dress, if you would."
Flat Cap simply snorted and slammed the door. Helmet assumed he was getting dressed and went on to Loincloth's room. He knocked on the bone-decorated door until the giant stepped out, rubbing his eye.
"It's 3 in the morning, Helmet. Can't whatever it is you need wait until morning?" He asked, letting out a big yawn.
"Unfortunately, no." Helmet answered, "The entire city, if not the whole state, could be in great peril. Thy aid is most needed."
"Is there a ghost involved? Preferably one worth a truckload of Heavens."
"Potentially yes, along with other foul creatures that must be slain."
"Alright, I'm in. Lead the way." Loincloth said, closing the door behind him.
"Doth thou not need to dress thyself?" Helmet inquired.
"Like you said, great peril." He replied as he stretched, "Can't waste time on clothing."
"A most fair assessment, Ser Loincloth. Now we must fetch Ser Flat Cap."
"Is he still sleeping?"
"No, he should be dressed by now."
In reality, Flat Cap was not getting dressed. Instead, he went straight back into bed and was snoozing away once more until Loincloth kicked the door off it's hinges.
"Wake up, you lazy bastard!" He shouted as Flat Cap jumped and fell from his bed, taking the sheets with him.
"The fuck's wrong wit ya, ya ammonia-ridden meathead?!" Flat Cap shouted back.
"There's a city-threatening ghost running about and you're lyin' in bed like a lazy schmuck."
Flat Cap then stood up, his expression intense with anger. "Loik ye really give a shite about Putang! Ye just want the coins to bribe yer way back inta 'Eaven! Besides, the fuck ya need me fer? Yer the OP self-insert here! Ye can handle it. Now fuck off! I need my beauty sleep!"
"I would, but the story requires all of us to be there. Now quit the wall-breaking and let's go."
"Fuck the story! I ain't goin' nowhere and there ain't nothin' ye can do to make me!"
Loincloth grimaced. "Oh, I can think of a few ways." He said, approaching the cranky angel and grabbed him by his bread, lifting him up.
"Owowowowowow! Put me down! Put me down!" Flat Cap begged, but Loincloth paid no heed and simply carried him out of the room.
The trio proceeded down a dark tunnel that laid underneath the church, their only light being Helmet's torch. Loincloth and Flat Cap look around the tunnel, catching glimpses of a mural on the walls, but they couldn't make out exactly what it showed without better lighting. They soon stopped at a door that was embellished with holy symbols.
"Before we enter," Helmet began, facing the angels, "I must implore to you to not do anything foolish. I understand your moods are currently less than ideal, especially Ser Flat Cap,"
"Bite me, ya tin-headed stick-fucker!" Flat Cap interjected.
"But you must be on your best behavior. The last thing we need now is an all-out brawl."
"A brawl? Just who the hell are we meeting?" Loincloth asked.
"You're about to find out." Helmet answered then opened the door and stepped through. The angels followed and what they saw a sight to behold. An antechamber with it's walls and ceiling painted and decorated with crucifixes, angels, saints, and various other holy symbols. One could feel the divine energy throughout the room. Indeed, any ghost or demon foolish enough to enter here would be burst into flames. At the center were six stone chairs perfectly aligned in a circle and in five of them each sat a man with two bodyguards standing behind them. Loincloth had no clue who these men were, but Flat Cap sure did. They were the leaders of Putang's most powerful and influential criminal gangs: The Gator Legion MC, The Moon Goonz, The Lead Crosser, The Neofeds, and The Odd Men of The South.
"I thank you all for coming on such short notice." Helmet said, taking his seat.
"Wasn't like we had a choice." One of the gang leaders said, "When the knight blows his whistle, we gather like dogs or else we get skewered."
"Your precious lizards would make for a nice kebab." Another commented, stroking his goatee.
"And your gardens would make fine graves to piss on after we bury you shroom-suckers in them!"
"Hot Pants, Long Ear. That is enough." Helmet interjected, "I called this meeting to address a matter most dire. One that must be made our top priority, above whatever petty squabbles and rivalries you still have. For one of you here-" He gestured to all the criminal kings, "-is consorting with demons!"
No one said a word at first, but the atmosphere became quite tense as Helmet made the announcement. The silence soon broke upon the sounds of laughter coming from Old Man Blindfold, the Odd Men's Chief Mystic.
"Seems like you young whippersnappers don't wanna look suspicious accusin' one another on the spot, but silence can say a thousand words." He said.
"Then tell us, old man. Who do you think is conspiring with demons?" Hot Pants asked, standing up from his chair and using his massive, muscular arms to support his disproportionately small body.
"Now I could answer that. But none of you would believe me." Blindfold answered.
"And with good reason." A fourth man spoke. It was the Neofeds' leader, The General, who leaned forward in his seat, "You occultists are devious and unpredictable. Any God-fearing man knows to never trust the words of your kind. Especially those who refuse to take a side in times of great conflict."
This only earned a cackle from the half-crazed mystic. "And I'm sure you oh so-virtuous, God-fearing men ain't got any reason to lie and deceive like us dirty, dirty sorcerers. Ain't that right, Chain?"
"Y'all can question how I conduct my business, but don't you forget that I whooped demon ass left, right, and center durin' the war. So don't question my loyalty to the Lord." Chain retorted.
"Loyalty, eh?" Long Ear asked, "I wonder what Wristband would have to say to that."
Chain stood from his seat. "How many times do I gotta say it before it gets drilled into your skull, you booger-skin sonuvabitch? I. Didn't. Kill him. He was a frail old man and a sickly one at that. It's a miracle he even lived as long as he did."
"And he would've lived longer still if it weren't you and your self-centered ambitions!" The General retorted.
As the kingpins bickered, Loincloth leaned over to Flat Cap.
"I'm surprised these humans haven't killed each other yet." He said, "Lot of bad blood between them."
"That's puttin' it mildly." Flat Cap commented, "Ye should really let them fight it out, 'Elmet. Settle scores and grudges."
"The last thing the people of this city need is more chaos, Ser Flat Cap." Helmet responded, "Especially with a traitor in our midst."
"Well, I'm not just going to stand here and listen to these children bicker." Loincloth said then turned to leave.
"And just where do ya think yer goin', eh?" Flat Cap asked.
"To conduct my own investigation." Loincloth replied as he left the room.
Just outside his apartment building, Ruka commenced his pre-workout stretches, preparing for his morning jog. Though demons already had far greater physicality compared to humans, even they knew the importance of maintaining their bodies. Once he finished stretching, Ruka put on his earbuds, started his workout playlist, and began jogging throughout the city. After about an hour into his jog, Ruka arrived at one of the city's poorer districts and as he turned down a corner, he bumped into someone, falling flat on his ass.
"Hey retard, you mind moving out of the fuckin way?!" He exclaimed but when he got a better look at the hulking man, it turned out to be Loincloth and by the look on the giant's face, he was waiting for him. Ruka quickly stood up and prepared for a fight, but realized he left his gloves at home. "Whatever! I don't need my weapons to kick your ass!" He then leapt into the air, ready to beat the angel's face in.
Unfortunately, this plan wouldn't work out for the pineapple-haired demon as Loincloth wound up an attack of his own. "Wide...open!" He exclaimed, delivering a swift and powerful punch directly to Ruka's abdomen, making him cough up blood and fall once more to the ground.
"Still the same reckless piece of waste as always." Loincloth said, looking down at Ruka as he coughed up more blood, "I'd ask why you keep trying to fight me whenever I bother to show my face, but you are a wrathion. It's in your nature. Regardless, I'm not here to fight. I need you to answer some questions for me."
"Go fuck yourself...you mop-headed gorilla..." Ruka responded harshly as he picked himself up. Loincloth was not amused nor satisfied with this response and grabbed Ruka by the throat, his large, meaty hands nearly crushing his windpipe.
"I'm not going to ask you again. Tell me the names of the humans working for you!"
"What...humans?"
"Don't play dumb with me, you trash!" Loincloth shouted, slamming the demon into a nearby building, causing the wall to crack and splinter, "I know all about your plan to turn that black human into a ghost and use him to wreak havoc along with the gang you've manipulated into your service! You might as well just spill!"
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
Loincloth was getting irritated at this point and brought Ruka directly eye to eye with him.
"If you don't give me what I want, I will break every bone in your body one by one."
Ruka was not intimidated by the giant's angry glare, but he knew that Loincloth always followed through on his threats. Not wanting to have to be hospitalized, he came clean.
"You're half-right...I am planning to turn that human into a ghost, trying to figure out the right death for him. But he's meant to be delivered to my boss at the end of the month so she won't fire me and Vest. As for manipulating some degenerate backstreet gang, we've tried that for years. But those pussies are too scared of the tin can wearing retard to even consider working with us."
"Well, one of them is and if you can't tell me who, maybe your friend will."
"First off, you leave Vest alone. Second off, if I didn't know about this, neither does he."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because our boss would've notified the both of us about it. She'd be the one to plan it and would be giddy as shit at the fact we're actually making progress for once in this shithole."
Loincloth had been around long enough to know when a demon lies, but could not find one in Ruka's words. He grunted and released the demon, who dropped to the floor and gasped and coughed for air.
"I believe you." Loincloth began, "But you're not off the hook yet. That ghost you're making...you're going to deliver to me, not your superior."
"What the fuck...makes you think...I'd do that?" Ruka asked in between breaths. Loincloth then grabbed Ruka by his left arm and, gripping his right shoulder, tore the demon's arm clean off from his torso in one swift and hard pull.
"GRAAAH FUCK YOUR FUCKING PIECE OF FUCK BASTARD!" Ruka screamed as blood flowed from his torso and severed arm.
"Let that be a sample of what I'll do if you don't deliver." Loincloth said before tossing Ruka and his arm to the ground, "You'll bring the ghost to the church at the end of the month. Understood?"
"Fuck...you…" Ruka said as he tried to stop the bleeding, but to no avail.
"I'll take that as a yes. I'll be waiting." Loincloth then simply walked off, leaving Ruka to reach out for his severed arm, then pick himself up and make his way home, leaving a trail of blood as he went.
While Ruka had gone out for his jog, Vest took the time to watch some tv with Serge sleeping on his lap. His sharp ears soon caught the sounds of footsteps and an angry voice just outside the door. It sounded like Ruka, which was odd as he'd usually be gone for 2 hours. As the door was unlocked and opened, he greeted his friend.
"You're home early. Did you get tuc-GOOD LORD, MAN!" Vest shouted upon seeing Ruka's battered and bloody state, his severed arm being the most shocking. Vest rushed over to him and helped carry him to the couch.
"What the hell happened? W-Who did this?" Vest asked.
"That fucking gorilla, that's who." Ruka answered with gritted teeth.
"You seriously picked a fight with Loincloth? Again?" Vest asked, lowering Ruka onto the couch.
"He's the one who picked a fight with me! Just appeared out of fucking nowhere and started beating the shit out of me."
"I'll go get the first aid." Vest then quickly made his way to the bathroom and came out with a box that looked more like a demonic chest containing untold horrors than any first aid kit. Vest opened the box and took out a needle and thread that radiated with unholy energy. He then placed some of the thread through the needle and picked up Ruka's arm. "Now hold still." He said as he aligned the arm with Ruka's shoulder and started sewing them together.
"Any idea why Loincloth would just attack you out of the blue like that?" Vest asked.
"He knows about the ghost we're gonna to make and wants me to deliver it to him. No doubt so he can have the heaven coins for himself." Ruka responded as he petted Serge with his good arm.
"Seriously? That greedy asshole." Vest huffed, "I'll talk to Flap Cap."
"That's not all, he thinks we've struck a deal with some humans."
"I mean, you did with Bandana, didn't you?"
"Yeah, but it's just him I made a deal with. We're talking about one of the gangs Helmet has under his thumb. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"
Vest knew everything he could know about that subject, but as much as he wanted to tell Ruka, Trenchcoat forbade it and he was on extremely thin ice with her as it is. So instead, he just shook his head.
"Nope, this is the first time I'm hearing about it." He answered.
"Then either Trenchcoat is hiding something from us or we got an ambitious fucker who needs to be put in his place. Are you done yet?"
"Just about." Vest said as he added one last stitch and snipped off the excess thread, "There!"
Ruka looked at his arm and watched as the thread glowed and meld into his skin, attaching the flesh of the shoulder and arm together down to the molecule, like it was never torn off in the first place. He then motioned his arm around, pumping his fist and flexing the muscles. Yep, it was good as new.
"Fucking A."
"Now I'm gonna give Flat Cap a call. If someone is trying to take over the city, we'll need his and Loincloth's help to stop them. While I do that, you should hop in the shower and wash off all that blood."
Ruka nodded and stood up from the couch, motioning his arm a few more times, then went to the bathroom. As he showered, Vest took out his phone and dialed up Trenchcoat's number. He was certainly gonna call Flat Cap, but he needed answers from his boss first.
"What is it, Vest?" Trenchcoat asked, "I'm busy."
"Ma'am, did you tell the angels about the Beret situation?"
"Yes, I did, though in a more vague and indirect fashion. I figured they could find out which gang is siding with Beret and take them out for us. Why? Did your father tell you?"
"No ma'am, Ruka did. After he got his arm torn off by Loincloth over it. Why didn't you notify me about this?"
"I didn't need to. Like I said, they'd figure it out for us."
"Yeah well, they think we're doing it. With all due respect, it was such a-"
"Such a what, Vest?! A poor decision on my part? You'd do well to remember who you're fucking speaking to!"
Vest sighed. "I just think there could've been a better way to go about it. But it doesn't matter now. There is another reason why I'm calling. I need your permission."
"Permission for what?"
"To work with the angels in stopping Beret."
The answer left Trenchcoat stunned. Angels and demons...working together? It wouldn't be the first time groups of the two species came together in common cause, but that was very rare and it never lasted long.
"You can't be serious, Vest." Trenchcoat said.
"I am, ma'am." Vest replied, "Look, the angels know what's happening, Ruka knows what's happening, and I'm still on good terms with Flat Cap. I really don't see any reason to hide any info about this from each other and this conversation is why I'm asking for your permission. I know we get on each other's nerves and you don't trust Ruka at all, but if you really want to give Beret the finger, we all have to be on the same page here."
Trenchcoat didn't respond and the silence continued like that for a few moments, to the point Vest was worried she hung up on him.
"Ma'am, are you still there?" He asked.
"...You have my full permission." Trenchcoat finally answered, "Just don't fuck it up."
"Thank you, ma'am. We won't let you down." With that, Vest ended the call and wiped a hand down his face. How the hell were they going to figure out which gang was constructing the machine? Checking every drug crate that every gang took in would take too long and the angels would certainly be no help. He walked over to the workspace he and Ruka used and opened a drawer in the file cabinet, pulling out 5 files, each containing info on the leaders of the city's most prominent street gangs.
He hoped that he could find a potential motive for one of them to find the guts to oppose Helmet and accept the aid of demons, thereby narrowing down the list of suspects. It wasn't the best starting point and it was no guarantee that the ones he crossed off the list wouldn't side with Hell if the gains outweigh the risks, but it was all he had to go on. He then placed them on the coffee table, sat down, and began reading through each of them.
First there was Old Blindfold, a very mystical and well respected man in the city. It's rumored that he's been around since the city's founding, which would make him well over a hundred years old. He seemed to hold no stake in the war between Heaven and Hell, having taken a more neutral stance during the War of The Penis. He also forbade his Odd Fellows of the South from engaging in the drug trade so it couldn't be him.
Next was the leader of Moon Goonz, 'Long Ear' Pointy Shoe. Like the Odd Fellows, they were an organization engaged in all things occult, but unlike the Odd Fellows, they cultivated and sold their own hallucinogenic drugs in the form of mushrooms, with one breed of mushrooms being used in their initiation ritual. He was more afraid of Helmet more than anyone else for he was seen as a threat to his very way of life so it would make sense he'd want to eventually get rid of him. However, Jackboot said the pieces would be delivered within imported drug shipments and the Moon Goonz are completely self-sufficient in terms of supply thanks to the vast shroom farms they built in the sewers. But while Moon Goonz never officially sided with Hell during the War of The Penis, it's rumored they supplied their other mortal allies with provisions and enchanted mushrooms that enhanced their combat effectiveness.
The third suspect was a man simply named The General, the leader of the NeoFeds, which was founded a decade after the American Civil War. While they were essentially a mafia and engaged in the drug trade to a limited degree, many of the NeoFeds, including The General himself, were God-fearing men and as such supported Helmet in almost all things so the possibility of them turning their back on God and Heaven now was miniscule.
Then there's Hot Pants, head of the Putang Chapter of the Gator Legion MC and a big mean bastard who is outmatched only by Loincloth in brute strength. If the Gator Legion ever decided to side with Hell, they would make sure everyone knew and leave a trail of broken bodies and homes in their wake rather than spend so much time and effort smuggling machine parts in secret. They had made their loud and dumb nature clear when they carved up a chunk of the city for themselves 4 years ago. Not only that, but Hot Pants had a burning hatred for the Moon Goonz, so if they were behind this Nullsoul procedure, Hot Pants would undoubtedly use that as an excuse to wipe the Moon Goonz out with Helmet's blessing. Something Vest could use to his advantage.
Finally there was Chain, who had only recently become the new leader of the Lead Crossers after the death of Old Man Wristband, but it wasn't an easy transition. Few Lead Crossers liked Chain and it was only thanks to the power base he had built over time that he was able to succeed Wristband and keep the gang together. Beneath all that fat laid a cunning and ruthless man. Just the kind of human that would take deals from demons if it benefited him. However, Chain and Helmet were on good terms and according to the file, Chain himself fought for Heaven in The War of The Penis, frequently expressing a dislike towards demons. So if he was working with Beret, there had to be a reason for it other than pure self-interest.
Vest now had his two prime suspects: Long Ear of The Moon Goonz and Chain of The Lead Crossers. Now he needed to figure out which one it was. He then gave Flat Cap a call as he had connections with the goblin-like gangsters. As Vest waited for his adoptive father to pick up, he noticed Ruka walk out of the shower, wearing nothing but his underwear and waved to him, with Vest waving back. Unfortunately the call soon went to voicemail, making Vest droop his head.
"Flat Cap, we really need to talk. It's important. Call me back ASAP." he said, ending the call and placing his phone in his pocket.
"I take it you've deduced who the ambitious fucker might be?" Ruka asked, taking a seat next to Vest.
"Ambitious fucker is Beret." Vest replied as he sat up straight, "As for the humans working for him, I've deduced that it's either 'Long Ear' Pointy Shoe or Chain. "
"Fucking Beret…of course that egotistical fuck would be involved somehow. And the two degenerates, you sure it's one of them?" Ruka asked.
Vest shook his head. "Nope, but it's the best we got right now."
"So let's go kick their fucking doors down and ask them straight up. We can see people's sins remember? That included lies."
"You really want to risk getting on their bad side and be fervent in their refusals to accept deals from us? If Beret doesn't take the city from us, the locals will certainly run us out."
"So what the fuck are we supposed to do then?" Ruka asked.
Vest pondered for a moment. "Bandana...he's a former Lead Crosser right?" he asked.
"Yeah, so wha-?" Ruka quickly caught on to what Vest was suggesting and stood up, "I'll get dressed."