Well, I owe everyone a huge apology? But! The best apology is an update? Sorry guys – law school was nuts. I've now been an attorney for over 2 years, moved across the country, and I still feel like I was in undergrad yesterday? Anyway…
Two things: tons of flashbacks here, and, I just realized texting wasn't a thing until 1992, and wasn't really even "mainstream" until 1997 when Nokia put out their infamous phone, and not really popular until the rise in 2002. So, let's pretend that texting was a thing back in the mid 90's when I'm imagining these two went to school together. It's my world, okay?!
AND, it's a long one!
"Calllllllie…" Arizona whined, dragging her friends name out uncharacteristically long. It wasn't like her to croon, but here she was, standing in the open doorway of Callie's dorm room looking at the sight before her with a dopey smile on her face. Callie never ceased to surprise her with sweet random gestures, and this occasion was no different.
Callie had gathered every blanket she owned and set them up comfortably in front of the television situated on the middle of her wall. She'd shoved her small wooden coffee table closer to the TV, its legs hitting the edge of the huge blanket pile on the middle of the floor. A pile of at least 6 or 7 pillows were strewn up against the coffee table, creating a comfortable headboard for them to lean back on. The walls were covered in carefully placed fairy lights that Callie had thankfully remembered to turn on before leaving to meet the blonde at the lounge just down the block from her dorm. A stack of movies sat on the coffee table beside a huge pile of nearly every type of junk food Arizona could ever want.
"What? I figured we could watch some movies before finals take over my life," Callie offered as she shrugged, then gently nudged Arizona inside and shut the door behind them. "Not all of us are in grad school – in case you forgot."
Arizona wandered over to the setup, eyeing the movies on the table. "A movie sounds great, let's start with this one," Arizona offered, picking up a copy of Pretty Woman. Arizona was nervous, things had gotten … heated... between the two of them lately. Their flirting had evolved, grown into something she couldn't name. The stolen looks were no longer drenched solely with lust, instead their eyes had grown softer, almost pleading. Their usual meetings at the lounge for a falafel sandwich and to split a hookah no longer felt like a dirty secret, their bodies always drifting to sit impossibly close to one another despite the public location. Things were progressing more toward a relationship than a friendship. Arizona was guilty of it too, she couldn't help but ask the brunette over at night when she couldn't sleep, bring her coffee after class, send suggestive texts nearly every hour of every day. It was confusing, but Arizona secretly loved it – wanted it.
"What's on your mind?" Callie asked cautiously, pulling the blonde in front of her from her thoughts. She leaned over toward Arizona, taking the movie from her hand and setting up the VHS player for their movie marathon.
"You," Arizona said simply before she could even think to stop herself. This caused a grin to spread across the brunette's face just as she finished inserting the VHS and turned around to face the blonde again. Callie leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on Arizona's lips before grabbing the two pairs of sweatpants she'd forgotten to put away from their sleepover last night.
She tossed a pair to Arizona, "These might be comfier for our movie night." Callie made quick work of changing out of her jeans and into the comfortable grey sweatpants she kept for herself. Arizona smiled, obliging and changing into the sweatpants she was handed. For some reason watching Arizona change made her blush. They'd changed in front of one another a plethora of times, but something about the vulnerability of the situation this time made Callie's cheeks flush.
Callie shook herself from the thought and quickly moved toward the blanket pile. Plopping down, Callie motioned for Arizona to join her. The blonde switched off the main light in Callie's dorm and eased down beside Callie and onto the blankets. The brunette made herself comfortable and pulled Arizona closer. The blonde cuddled into her arms and relaxed.
Callie had decided the previous day that enough was enough. She and Arizona had been running around like a couple of freaking horny teenagers who were trying to hide their active sex life from their parents for exactly 11 months, 9 days, and approximately… 15 hours. It had been torturous for Callie. At 19 years old, she'd been open and 'out' for nearly 5 years. She had never been one to shy away from who she was, never one to hide how she felt about someone, but, with Arizona she did. She'd spent the better half of the last 11 months trying to pretend she didn't have real feelings for the girl who had quickly become her best friend. But with every kiss, every touch, every loud belly laugh, Callie had quickly fallen head over heels for the beautiful blue eyed blonde. She couldn't do it anymore: pretend to be just friends with benefits with Arizona. It was absolutely killing her to walk across campus together and not hold Arizona's hand, to sleep beside her nearly every night and not be able to whisper declarations of love into her ear.
Callie knew the risk. Arizona could run. After all, the blonde was terrified to even admit she was attracted to women and, to top that whopper off, she had a family that would never accept her. Despite that, she knew Arizona had feelings for her. She had to. Yes, Callie had decided that tonight, she would finally take her shot.
They'd just finished the second movie, Ghost. Arizona had curled her body comfortably into Callie's, her head resting in the crook of Callie's neck. Arizona turned her head just as the credits started rolling, leaning up to place her lips gently against Callie's neck. Her left hand reached for Callie's face, brushing her long dark hair off of her neck to cup her cheek. The blonde hummed gently against Callie's skin and took in a long breath.
"Callie?" She whispered so lightly that the brunette barely heard her. Callie adjusted, tilting her neck back so that she could look at the girl laying against her chest.
"Arizona," she replied softly.
"You're thinking too much," Arizona teased for a moment.
Arizona's blue eyes staring back at Callie told her everything she needed to hear. The blonde did not speak again, and instead captured the brunette's lips into arguably the softest kiss Callie had ever experienced. The sensation sent a jolt through her veins, causing her to lurch forward, pulling Arizona's body upright to look at her.
"Arizona… I…" Callie started, her words getting caught in her throat.
Arizona smiled, placing a hand against Callie's flushed cheek. "You what?" She drawled out softly, seemingly knowing what Callie was about to say.
"Arizona, I can't do this anymore." Callie started, the wrong words coming out first as usual. Before Arizona could speak, Callie continued, "I can't sneak around anymore with you. I can't pretend that every time you walk in the room, I don't want to kiss you. I can't pretend that I don't want to take you out on dates, bring you home for Christmas… that I don't want you beside me every single night. And it's not even that I can't, because logically, I can. I'm doing it, I'm here every single day, doing exactly that. It's that I don't want to. I don't want to anymore. I don't want to pretend that you don't make me feel like the entire world freezes every time you smile at me." Callie was rambling now, unsure of whether or not the meaning behind her words was even getting across to the blonde in front of her.
Arizona was frozen, listening to her friend's words with tears in her eyes. The blonde knew. She knew how Callie felt. Knew how she felt. But… the nagging feeling in the back of her mind kept her silent.
"And I know… I know Arizona… I know it won't be easy. Your family probably won't approve, and it may be a difficult adjustment, but I know you feel it too…" Callie paused to look into Arizona's eyes. She wiped away a tear from the blonde's cheek, almost stopping her speech. But, Callie was Callie and she was never one to shut up before she was done, "And I'm not asking you to come running out of the closet covered in rainbows… I'm not asking for you to parade us around to your family, or even tell them. All I'm asking for is a date Arizona. A real date. Let me pick you up from your apartment, take you somewhere nice for dinner. Let's break into the football stadium and chase each other across the field… Or head up to Woodstock for the weekend. Anything Arizona, just a real date where neither one of us pretend that this is just friendship and sex." Callie finally finished, keeping her gaze locked on the blue eyes in front of her.
Arizona remained silent for a few minutes, clearly gathering her thoughts. Unlike the 19-year-old in front of her, Arizona preferred to think thoughtfully before she spoke.
After what seemed like forever, Callie broke the silence again, "Arizona, please, talk to me."
"I've spent my whole life afraid," Arizona started, slowly. "I've been afraid to give in, to want a woman. Being with a woman was never an option for me. I never really even thought about it until I met you. I spent my days wrapped up in textbooks and soccer practice…" Arizona paused to take Callie's hand. "But, I don't want to be afraid anymore… This isn't friendship Callie… Wait, no. That's not what I meant. What I mean is, you're not just my friend Callie."
"No, I'm just your friend who also gives you incredible orgasms," Callie butted in playfully, attempting to break the tension of their intense conversation.
Arizona swatted her lover, "Callie. Shut up, I'm trying to be serious!"
"Sorry, continue…"
"As I was saying, you're not just my friend who gives me incredible orgasms," Arizona offered a wink and a sly smile, "You're more than that. You make me feel alive… You make me feel free… You strut in the room with that confident swagger and I – I'm a goner. I'm not going to insult your intelligence and sit here and continue to pretend that I'm not fucking crazy about you. I want this too Callie. Let's do this. Take me on a date. Take me home to Fort Lauderdale for Christmas. Introduce me to your family, throw me out of the closet forcefully at mine. I don't care anymore Callie. I want this. I want you."
Callie could barely contain herself as she pulled the blonde in for a kiss.
Shit, Callie thought to herself, looking up from her lover to meet the eerily familiar eyes of Timothy Robbins.
Arizona turned around to face her brother, straightening herself and puffing out her chest discreetly. "I thought you left," Arizona huffed angrily. She still hadn't gotten over the words he'd said to her. Despite Callie's best efforts to reassure her, Arizona was stubborn.
"I didn't like the thought of you angry with me," Timothy offered sheepishly. He crossed the threshold into Arizona's office and shut the door behind him. He strode across the room toward the two women who had since put some distance between themselves around Arizona's large wooden desk. Timothy sat down in the big blue chair opposite his sister. "I'm sorry for yelling at you," he tried. "I'm not angry with you… and I'm on your side here. I shouldn't have been so harsh."
"You knew Tim, you knew everything." Arizona stated, her voice softening considerably as she spoke. She was angry with him, but it wasn't like she didn't understand. Arizona knew what she did, how many lives her decisions had affected. She wasn't so naïve to think everyone would just happily accept that she'd broken Callie's heart years ago, lied to everyone for the last decade, had cheated on her doting husband – with Callie none the less. She wasn't dumb. She deserved to be scolded, but Tim didn't need to be so mean.
Tim wasn't exactly sure what his sister was talking about. He knew some things. He knew his little sister was interested in women. He knew she had been helplessly in love with Callie once upon a time. He knew she was married to Christian – he'd been at their wedding, he was sure of it. He knew that Arizona loved Christian… or he thought he did? Now, he wasn't so sure of that one. But, now he knew that the two women standing before him were still crazy about each other, all these years later. "What did I know Arizona?" Tim asked, he needed clarification before jumping to any more conclusions.
"You knew I loved her." Arizona's voice had fallen just below a whisper. "You knew I would never stop loving her. I told you, so many times."
"Arizona, I had no idea that all these years later, you were still in love with your med school girlfriend," Tim laughed at the thought for a moment. It had been 12 years. Sure, Arizona had talked nonstop about Callie for at least a year after their parent's forced cold-turkey separation, and yes, those conversations had included passionate declarations of eternal love and promises of never getting over the one that got away – but 12 years later? He hadn't heard Arizona so much as speak of another woman sexually or romantically in at least 10 of those years.
Looking up at the annoyed face of his sister snapped him out of his laughter. "Sorry. I didn't mean to laugh. It's just… it's been so long. I don't mean this to be insensitive, but I honestly forgot about Callie up until I saw her downstairs earlier. I know you loved her, but I never knew you were anything less than happy with Christian." Tim paused at the mention of his brother-in-law's name. The two had grown rather close during the last ten years. Timothy enjoyed having a brother around. Not that he didn't love growing up with an older sister, but he loved having Christian there for his finer moments – like starting his relationship with Lauren, entering the Marines. His dad was great; but, having a slightly older brother was different. "What about Christian, Phoenix?" Timothy added, looking to Arizona sympathetically. Sympathy for whom, he was unsure.
"Christian knows, Tim… I told him yesterday. I'll admit that I should've told him sooner, but I just couldn't bring myself to crush him like that, not after all the pain I'd already caused, all the lies I'd already told," Arizona started to explain everything Tim had refused to let her explain earlier.
"Arizona, maybe I should go – let you talk to your brother privately?" Callie interrupted, moving to grab her things and leave. The siblings had all but forgotten she was there, lost in their own conversation. Callie leaned over and pressed a kiss to the side of Arizona's head. The blonde smiled, thanking her with her eyes for calming her down earlier, and apologizing for completely forgetting she was there. Arizona kissed Callie's hand as she slid past her to leave.
Once Callie had exited the office, Arizona continued her explanation. She'd gotten home from meeting Teddy and found Christian in the kitchen attempting to make some boxed macaroni and cheese. She hadn't intended for everything to come spilling out of her mouth the second she walked in the door, but that was exactly what happened. She'd sat down at the kitchen counter, called Christian's name to gain his attention and within an instant he knew something was wrong.
Arizona explained that she realized a long time ago that she was a lesbian. She told him about her family, how they hadn't accepted her. That she'd fallen in love with her friend just before they'd met in medical school. She told Christian how she'd given in and told her Mother, how she threatened her, the conversion therapy, how they'd sent Tim back to school with her to set her straight, how they'd cut off all of her contact with her love. Arizona explained her agony at the loss, her guilt, the regret of not choosing love over everything. She explained that she loved him, truly loved him, that he'd done nothing wrong. She told him she had cheated on him before they got engaged, that she had done it again, not once, but multiple times over the last six months. She explained she was in love with someone else, and not just someone else, but the same someone from all those years ago. She explained how hard she tried to be normal, to rid herself of those feelings, but that she just couldn't lie to herself anymore. Arizona cried, bore her soul to her husband for a whopping 26 minutes straight before finally coming to a halt when the sobs could no longer allow speech.
"What did he say?" Tim asked, pulling his sister close to him and engulfing her in a protective hug. He could see the pain in her eyes as she spoke. Tim knew how horrible things had been, the anguish – but he never in a million years imagined that Arizona was a lesbian, trapped in a marriage of convenience, still in love with her medical school crush. It was soap opera level.
"Christian is..." Arizona started, unable to find the right word, she lingered on the thought for a second too long.
"He better not have done anything to hurt you," Tim warned, his protective instinct kicking in. What Arizona had done was wrong, and she'd surely created a mess, but that did not give Christian the right to hurt his little sister. No one had that right.
"No, Tim. Christian is truly the most incredible man I've ever known… Aside from you of course," Arizona smiled, remembering how Christian had treated her after her revelation.
Christian pushed his bowl of macaroni and cheese away from him. He'd managed to finish preparing and to eat half his bowl during the period of time Arizona spoke. He listened intently, attempting to hide the pain his heart felt as she explained her extramarital affairs, her sexuality, the lie that has been the last 10 or so years of his life. He'd known things were rocky the last few months, but he didn't realize just how rocky. Christian moved from the opposite side of the counter toward his wife. He placed an olive-colored hand on her shoulder gently. While his heart was shattered, he couldn't help but feel heartbroken for the clearly equally shattered woman before him.
Arizona looked up from the imaginary hole she'd drilled in the floor with her fixed stare. "Christian?" She asked him, placing her hand on top of his. Her blue eyes were full of tears.
"This all must have been really… hard to come to terms with," Christian stated, mustering up the only words he could find at the moment. There was a very long pause as Christian fought an internal battle and Arizona sat dumbfounded at her most recent thought – was Christian comforting her?
"I can't tell you I'm shocked," Christian finally said, one side clearly winning his internal struggle. "Oddly enough, as hurt as I feel right now, I also feel a little relieved. It's kind of like everything finally clicked? You're a lesbian," Christian said with a small laugh. The more he thought, the more sense it made. He and Arizona had a happy relationship. They lived, laughed, and loved with the best of them for the last 10 years. But, he always knew something was missing. There was no passionate spark, and there never really had been; they'd never gone through a 'honeymoon phase.' It all made sense now. Arizona loved him, but not like he loved her. He wanted romance with her, Arizona wanted a best friend. He was hurt, but it was almost like he'd been prepared for this.
"This is the oddest reaction to adultery I've ever seen," Arizona offered awkwardly.
There was another long pause.
"Don't get me wrong Arizona, I am feeling a lot of things right now. I am hurt, incredibly sad, confused, angry… But it looks to me like you've punished yourself enough for the both of us over the last decade. Hiding from who you are? Believing that being a lesbian, being happy, is wrong? Not being able to be with the one you love? I can't imagine," He paused, "Well, I guess soon I'll understand the latter… Arizona, I obviously understand our marriage is over, but I promised to love you for better or for worse, and I intend to keep that vow," Christian explained, clearly a little surprised by his own level of understanding.
Arizona was shocked. He was truly the kindest man she'd ever known. Tears fell from both of their eyes as she leaned up and placed a gentle kiss to Christian's lips. "For better or for worse," Arizona agreed, letting herself fall into his arms for a moment.
"Wow," Tim stated after Arizona finished explaining. "That man is a saint. If my wife told me she was cheating on me with her long-lost lover, who also happened to be a woman, I don't know if I could put myself second like that."
Arizona pulled herself out from Timothy's arms and nodded her head, "I was both surprised at his reaction and completely expected it. Christian has always been a good man in a storm. That's probably why Dad loves him so much… I didn't expect that to suddenly change now. I was never afraid to tell him, I was afraid to admit it to myself."
Timothy gave his sister a weak smile and eased back comfortably into his chair, "Afraid to admit it to yourself, or to our parents again? You knew. All those years ago, you knew you were a lesbian. We all knew."
"I don't know, both?" Arizona tried, taking a deep breath as she recalled that morning, all those years ago.
Arizona had woken up happy. She and Callie had spent the entire night having agonizingly slow, soul bearing sex on the floor of Callie's dorm room. While Arizona had just completed her last exam for her Pharmacology course, Callie still had three finals left to take. Because of this, Arizona decided she'd tear her naked body away from her sleeping lovers naked form early enough to run down to the quad to grab Callie a coffee and bagel. Callie would need all the energy she could get to spend the next week studying for her last finals of her first year of college. Callie had the Dean's List in her sights, and Arizona knew it.
By the time she'd gotten herself dressed in Callie's old sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt and out the door of the Honor's dorm Callie lived in, Arizona was drowning in her own world of anticipation. She and Callie were going on a real date. They were going to try this, for real.
No longer being weighed down by fears, Arizona was on a power high. Who cares if she liked women? Who cares if she would never marry a nice man and settle down with multiple babies? Arizona was free. Except for one little thing, she had to tell her parents. Arizona immediately phoned her mother.
"Arizona, sweetie, good morning" Arizona's mother, Barbara, drawled into the phone, happy to have received a call from her eldest child.
"Good morning Mom," Arizona replied, just as happy to hear her mother's voice on the other end. She quickly made small talk, telling her mother how easy each of her finals had been and how excited she was for a couple of weeks off before summer classes began. She told her mother how she'd be home to visit for a week next month, but wanted to talk to her about something important, now.
"Well, what is it Phoenix, cough it up," her mother joked as Arizona's rant came to an end.
"I met someone." Arizona blurted out, a huge smile plastered on her face.
"Oh sweetheart, that's wonderful!" Barbara exclaimed excitedly. "Who is he? What's his name? Is he also in medical school?" Barbara had tons of questions for her daughter, but she didn't want to bombard her. It wasn't every day Arizona showed interest in someone romantically – actually, there had never been a day where Arizona was interested in someone.
"I –" Arizona started slowly, "Mom, I – they're incredible." Arizona couldn't bring herself to say it, yet. She knew deep down she had to, lying to her mother was next to impossible – Barbara always knew. Arizona attributed it to decades of marriage to her father, the Colonel. Barbara learned quickly.
"Oh, spit it out kid," Barbara joked, laughing at her daughters stuttering.
"We've been friends for a while. We met right after summer classes started last year, on the campus bus," Arizona gently started to explain as she neared the campus quad.
"Last summer?!" Barbara exclaimed, shocked her daughter had told her nothing about her mystery suitor.
"Mom!" Arizona warned, wanting to finish before losing her nerve.
"Sorry, go on sweetheart," Barbara answered, silencing herself.
"We met on the bus. Everything happened so quickly and so slowly all at once. I don't know how to explain it," Arizona continued, trying to voice everything she'd been feeling for the last few months.
"Oh honey, that's how I felt when I met your father. You're in love Phoenix, aren't you?" Barbara asked, the smile on her face clearly evident through her voice.
"I – Mom, I think I am. We're going on our first real date this week."
"When do we get to meet him? Will he be coming home with you next month?"
"Mom –" Arizona started to say as she sat down at one of the tables outside the quad coffee shop. Typically, the quad was empty at this hour. But, it being finals week for undergrad, students were beginning to fill the quad, staking their claim on their study spots for the day.
"Oh, don't start Arizona. We absolutely must meet him! I've never heard you talk about anyone, no less someone that has you this excited," Barbara challenged her daughter.
Well, it was now or never.
"Mom, they're not a he. They're a she." Arizona blurted out the words simply.
Silence.
It was deafening.
"Mom?" Arizona tried to get a response.
Silence.
"Mom, are you there? Did you hear me?" Arizona asked, unsure if she hoped her line had actually cut out or not. Cellphones were still relatively new, reception could be spotty, blocked by the buildings of Columbia University.
Finally, the older woman spoke, her voice calm, but stern, "Arizona… Did you just say she?"
"Yes mom. She. And she's incredible."
"I'm going to book you a flight home tonight. I do not want you at that university for one second longer."
"Mom, what? No. I'm not leaving." Arizona challenged.
"Arizona, you will not fight me on this. You need help. This – this is wrong. Your father and I raised you better than this. A woman? What were you thinking Arizona? You'll destroy your career. Your life. This family. You must come home this instant. We need to help you, get you into therapy," Barbara explained, her voice calm and loving, her words cutting and hateful.
"Mom. No. I –"
"Enough darling, we will take care of you. It's all going to be alright. I promise."
"Mom, there is nothing wrong with homosexuality. It is present in every species –" Arizona began trying to explain. They'd learned all about this in undergrad, and even now in medical school. It was part of life, integral to her training as a medical practitioner.
"Arizona!" Barbara's voice finally raised an octave, halting her daughter's statement before she could finish. "Enough of this. You will get on that plane home or so help me we will no longer be paying for your attendance in medical school." Barbara was not one to threaten her children, but she would be damned if she allowed her only daughter to completely destroy her life on her watch.
"Mom?" Arizona questioned, not believing her mother would do such a thing.
"Do not test me young lady. You need help, and we are going to make sure you get it. We love you Arizona, and only want what's best for you."
"Mom, I don't need help! I'm fine, I'm happy. Things are good. I –"
"Arizona, enough. I'll book your flight once we hang up. I urge you not to disclose this… issue, to your father. I'll come up with something to tell him, but I see no reason why we should concern him with something we can correct on our own."
Arizona felt defeated. What more was there to say? She couldn't afford medical school, her apartment, her living expenses on her own. While she knew Callie would come to her rescue with her family's money, there was no way Arizona could allow that. Besides, what kind of daughter would she be to throw away her family – her mom, dad, Timothy, her aunts, uncles, cousins, the people who made her who she was – for a girl she'd only just met? No matter how much she loved her – she couldn't bare the thought. And what if her mother was right? What if being gay did ruin her life? Her chances of becoming a world renowned surgeon? What if being gay was wrong? A crime against nature? Arizona's mind was racing. She'd spent her life believing homosexuality was wrong – that it would only lead to ostracization and despair.
"Arizona?" Her mother stated, dragging the blonde from her thoughts.
"Okay mom. I understand. I – can you just make the flight for tomorrow? I need to tell her mom. Please… I can't just –" Arizona stated sadly. She couldn't just leave Callie hanging, not after last night.
"You will not see that woman again, do you hear me?"
"Mom!" Arizona tried helplessly. She felt the tears begin to fall from her eyes as she sat alone at the table off to the side of the coffee shop. Things had been so good just moments ago. She was happy, in love, succeeding in school. Now? Now she felt crushed.
"Honey, this is for your own good. Now go on and get a bag packed, I'll call you with the flight information shortly. I love you sweetheart, everything is going to be just fine." Barbara told her. Before Arizona could say anything, she heard her mother hang up the phone.
Making good on her promise, Barbara Robbins called her daughter back just under twenty minutes later to give her the flight information. Barbara had booked Arizona on the next available flight from New York City to Wilmington, North Carolina. Her Father was currently stationed at Camp Lejeune, a Marine Corps Base in Jacksonville, North Carolina. The flight left in 6 hours, giving her just enough time to get home, pack a bag and head to the airport. There was no time for her to sneak a visit to Callie's.
She took out her phone, opening Callie's contact card. Charming. She struggled to find the words in her. What would she say? They'd just spent the night confessing their feelings, over and over and over again. Arizona had all but promised the brunette that she wasn't scared anymore and would come running out of the closet screaming. She hadn't lied. In the moment, Arizona truly believed she could – that she was ready. But, now, sitting here with the sting of her mother's harsh words and actions, maybe she was wrong. Her mother loved her. Surely she knew what was best. Arizona quickly switched her phone off and started the long trek back to her apartment on the opposite side of campus still dressed comfortably in Callie's clothing.
"Where'd you go Phoenix?" Tim asked, bringing the blonde back from her thoughts.
"Sorry," she offered. "I was just thinking about when I first told Mom."
"I remember," Timothy stated, his face falling toward sadness.
Barbara had told Timothy everything within moments of hanging up the phone with Arizona all those years ago. He'd been home from Stanford University for the summer, his sophomore year having just ended a few days prior. Timothy wasn't taking summer classes, but instead had headed home to spend his summer helping out on base with the other military families. Timothy had high hopes of becoming a high-ranking serviceman of the United States Marines like his father. Completing his bachelors would allow him to enter as an officer, rather than a private. Barbara had told him Arizona's affliction and instructed him to book the flight. At the time, Timothy was a 20-year-old kid. He listened to his parents, followed the rules, and lived by the military code at all costs. Timothy booked the flight without thinking.
After Arizona had come home, the change in her was obvious. His once bubbly, happy older sister was no longer a ray of sunshine. She rarely smiled, spent most of her time alone, and declined nearly every invitation to spend time with her family. Arizona had been home for only two weeks, emerging from her bedroom scarcely, and typically only for her therapy sessions seven days a week. Arizona had to be back at school two weeks after she'd gotten home to resume classes, so things needed to move quickly at home.
Daniel Robbins, their father, had noticed the shift in his daughter but declined to say anything. He'd figured the stress of medical school had taken hold and he did not want to intrude. It wasn't until Daniel had finally asked Arizona to go skating with him and she declined, that he realized something was terribly wrong. He spent the whole two weeks attempting to pull the information from his distraught daughter. It wasn't until the final day of Arizona's intensive two-week conversion therapy that he finally figured out what had happened. Arizona assured her parents it was over, things were fixed, she was better. With those promises, her parents allowed her daughter to return to Columbia at the start of the Fall semester. Her father instructed Timothy to ensure Callie's removal from Arizona's life, convinced him to take summer courses at Columbia, and watch over his sister for the next 6 weeks. Timothy complied, enrolling in summer classes as a visiting student at Columbia and moving to New York to live with his sister for the next 6 weeks. Arizona never spoke of it to her parents again.
"I don't blame you Timothy," Arizona told him as she started collecting her things from her office and placing them into the large backpack she carried to work with her. "I promise, I don't. Even if I did, at first, you made things right."
Timothy nodded and stood up from his chair, still feeling slightly guilty in contributing to the re-closeting of his older sister.
"Let's go. My patient is stable and I'm no longer needed here. Where are you staying?" Arizona asked her brother as she ushered him toward the door of her office.
"The Hyatt down the block from your apartment," Timothy responded, allowing himself to be led out of the office.
"Let's go grab a drink at the bar and call it a night," Arizona offered as she turned off the lights and shut the door.
Callie had headed back down to the Emergency Room after leaving Arizona's office. While she'd just spent over 12 hours busting her ass over the massive accident that had just rolled through, she still had another 18 hours. Somehow, she'd been goaded into the second 30-hour maximum shift of the month. While these shifts allowed her to have longer stretches of time off, they were absolutely brutal. She glanced down at her watch, 9 PM. Technically speaking, she should be heading to the on-call room to sleep for the next few hours during typical quiet time. But, Callie's mind was still racing from the events of the last few days, and it was the weekend of Seattle's Capitol Hill Block Party Music Festival.
The room was buzzing with hospital staff finishing up work on the remaining victims of the bus explosion. There had been multiple casualties, twelve at final count if she remembered correctly. It was a rough day, but they'd also managed to stabilize and save over fifty people.
"Torres," she heard from across the ER. She looked up abruptly, swallowing hard as she watched the Chief walk toward her. He didn't look angry, Callie thought to herself as she waited for him to reach her.
"What's up Chief?" Callie asked coolly.
"Do you have a minute for a consult?" The Chief asked, using his clipboard to gesture behind him.
Callie let go of the breath she didn't know she was holding and nodded, "Of course. What's up?"
Dr. Weston turned and began walking toward the east corridor of the ER. "I need your help," Christian started, handing the chart in his hand to his colleague. "You're about to meet Alexandra Dianetti. She's a 10-year-old girl with severe scoliosis and kyphosis. Her parents brought her in this morning. I'll warn you now, it's not a pretty sight. She's had multiple surgeries since diagnosis 4 years ago." They reached the room, 129. Christian pressed the door open and gestured for Callie to enter.
Callie entered the room and smiled, introducing herself to the patient and her family, "I'm Dr. Callie Torres." Lying in an uncomfortable looking position was a little brunette child, smiling weakly up at her, the girls' parents standing at either side of her bed.
"I'm Alexandra," the tiny child said, her voice cheery despite the obvious pain she was in. Callie had never seen such a severe case of scoliosis in a child before.
"Dr. Torres, I'm Gabrielle Dianetti, Alexandra's mother. This is my wife, Mackenzie. Dr. Weston says you're the best the hospital has to offer. Please, help our baby," the taller brunette said, stepping forward to grab Callie's hand for a handshake.
"Mack… please," the short haired blonde corrected her wife, offering a smile. "Alexandra is in pain constantly. The doctors said she'd get better after her last surgery, that things should start to correct themselves, but it just keeps getting worse. Her last surgery didn't work…" She moved toward her daughter to help her lean forward. "Alex, baby, lean up for Dr. Torres so we can show her what hurts, why we had to come here tonight."
The little girl struggled, but allowed her mother to help her move forward, struggling to breathe as she moved. When Alex leaned further into her mother, the bloodied back of the child came into view. The rods in her back haven't been lengthened appropriately, Callie thought to herself as she examined the child. Looks like they snapped. That would explain the protruding bubbles, broken skin, and blood.
"Alexandra, on a scale of one to ten, with ten being the absolute worst, can you tell me how bad the pain is right now?" Callie asked as she helped the little girl to lay down as comfortably as possible.
"Eleven," Alexandra winced, adjusting multiple times in an attempt to control the pain.
"Dr. Torres, there's something else you should know," Mack added. "Alexandra's spine was weakened severely as a child. She was diagnosed with neuroblastoma at a few months old. The treatments caused uneven development in her muscles, bones, and soft tissue in her back. Her old doctor felt that this contributed to her scoliosis."
"Excuse me?" Callie started with a smile, "You guys were seriously going to let me be in the same room as a real live superhero and not tell me?!" Callie's fake excitement was almost believable to the adults in the room, but sent Alexandra into a smiling fit of faint laughter.
"Dr. Torres, I'm not a superhero! I'm just a girl," Alexandra told her, her bright green eyes shining up at the doctor. A few ragged coughs escaped Alexandra's lifts as she sucked in as much air as she could.
"Well, I disagree. You're definitely a superhero to me! But, if you don't mind kiddo, I'm going to leave Dr. Weston here with you for a second and talk to your moms outside. Do you think you can entertain Dr. Weston for me while we're gone?" Callie asked the little girl with a smile, starting to lead the girl's parents from the room.
"Okay. I can do that," Alexandra answered as Christian stepped closer to her bed and attempted to engage her with his stethoscope.
Once outside the room, Callie took in a deep breath and turned to the little girl's parents, "Wow. Alexandra's had a rough ten years."
"It's been so tough on all of us. The cancer is in remission now, but it was really tough for us for a while. We weren't sure she was going to make it. Everyone was so concerned with the cancer that we never paid much attention to the side effects. We started noticing the curve in her back around her 5th birthday. Alex had just been deemed cancer free, and we were down celebrating with my family in Florida," Gabrielle started to explain.
"We took Alex to the doctors right away when we got back," Mack continued, "They weren't as concerned as we were. We were living in Maine at the time for my job. The doctors were great, and they saved our baby's life, but I think they caught this all too late. Alex didn't get her first brace until she was almost 6 – I mean these doctors… they hesitated to call it scoliosis until she was 6 for crying out loud! We should have gotten a second opinion." Mack took a moment to contain herself, running a hand through her short blonde locks. "She had her first surgery right before her 7th birthday. Things just progressed so fast. She was growing like crazy and things weren't getting better. Then the kyphosis started and after six or seven more surgeries, I've lost count by now. It's too much, she's hurting so much… We moved out here last month… and things just keep getting worse. Alex was cursed with my height, and she's just been growing like crazy and her body can't keep up."
"I hate to say this, but I don't even need to order scans to tell you we need to get Alex in for surgery as soon as possible," Callie told the worried parents.
"We guessed that," Mack said as she wrapped her wife up into her arms. "How soon can we get this done? Do you think we're going to need additional surgeries? You have to understand Dr. Torres, Alex can barely breathe with the way her back is curved. It presses on her lungs, she can barely walk to the bathroom without losing her breath."
"Let's start with some scans okay. I'll get on ordering the necessary scans and tests and we'll move forward from there once I can come up with a game plan. I'd like to loop in pediatrics too, let's make sure there's no underlying issues causing this to progress so quickly," Callie offered as she began flipping through the papers on the little girls chart.
Alexandra's parents nodded and walked back into their daughter's room. Callie made quick work of directing the two nearest interns to her side with a wag of her finger.
"Ryan," Callie started, "Take Lexie and get started on these scans please." Callie handed the paperwork to the intern who was now standing in front of her. Callie had ordered X-Rays and an MRI to start off the case.
Moments after the two interns scurried off, Dr. Weston exited the child's room and moved over toward Callie, "She's a tough one," Christian offered, leaning against the wall beside Callie.
"Yes, definitely. I'm concerned that the inadequacies of this child's former doctor run a little deeper than just neglecting to treat this child aggressively," Callie stated as she finished reviewing the notes from Alexandra's most recent hospital visit. "How could this have gotten so bad?"
If they'd caught things earlier, Alexandra's prognosis should have been much better. Callie would have had Alexandra in a brace before her first birthday, with bi-weekly visits to monitor her growth. In all likelihood, Alexandra would have inevitably needed surgery to correct her spine and provide support, but Callie wouldn't have allowed this to happen. Reading through the chart, she learned that the green eyed kid had had six surgeries over her short lifetime. The family lived outside Portland, Maine for the majority of her childhood, and had been seeing the same doctors there her entire life: Dr. Cara Holter, the surgeon, and Dr. Michael Tucker her pediatrician.
"That's what you're here to figure out," Christian said, a smile on his face. "I think we should bring Arizona in on this, just in case… with the cancer and all."
"Already thought of that. My major concern is the kyphosis right now. That condition, as I'm sure you know, is much more common in adults and this kid is ten. With the history of cancer, I'm concerned that a tumor may be contributing to the curve in her spine. Neuroblastoma can lead to other cancers, causing tumors to grow along her spine, or even just simply to bone cancer which could also be contributing to her spinal curve," Callie answered flatly, silently praying that the situation wouldn't be worsened by a renewed cancer diagnosis.
"What are you thinking in terms of spinal correction?" Dr. Weston asked her, genuinely curious as to what the plan moving forward would be.
"I need to see the scans first, before I can really assess what we're looking at… but, I'm thinking we're heading toward a vertebral column resection surgery," Callie answered. The surgery was extremely risky, and could result in Alexandra becoming permanently paralyzed since they are working so close to the spinal cord. She would have to separate Alexandra's spine into different sections, remove vertebrae at the center of her kyphosis, and straighten her spine as she brought the pieces back together. If things were as bad as Callie thought, they'd have no choice but to attempt the surgery, or Alexandra could very well suffocate and die due to the constant increasing compression on her lungs. Based on the oxygen meter Alexandra had been hooked up to, she barely had 25% lung capacity at this point.
"Are you comfortable with such a risky surgery?" Dr. Weston asked her. He'd never seen one performed. His excitement at the surgery was evident.
"Don't get too excited yet, Chief. I haven't seen the scans yet, we may be able to simply adjust the rods and wait… But, yes. I can do this surgery. I'd need another orthopedic surgeon, someone particularly skilled with spinal surgeries. Judson isn't worth his weight in salt. And I'm the bset we've got. I'd want Bailey in on this too. But, maybe we call in Dr. Minnick from Cleveland Clinic? She still owes me a favor from med school." Callie explained, watching as her best friend began his approach toward them from across the ER.
"For now, I've got Lexie and Ryan working on getting her scans completed. They'll come find me once they're ready, and in the meantime I'll have them get Alexandra out of the ER and up to a more comfortable room. Can you do me a favor and loop in Arizona?" Callie asked before she could stop herself. She knew things weren't good with Christian and Arizona right now, Idiot, she thought to herself. Why would I draw his attention to that? Does he know?
"I'll let her know. Her family is in town, and she's supposed to be off the next few days, but I'll make sure to get her in for a consult as soon as possible," Dr. Weston confirmed as he pressed off the wall. Just as he was about to turn to leave, Mark Sloan approached the pair. With a nod of acknowledgement at the plastic surgeon, Dr. Weston headed away from Alexandra's room.
"What was that about?" Mark asked Callie as he handed her a fresh cup of coffee from the coffee cart.
"New patient. Ten year old girl with neuroblastoma in remission, and the most severe case of scoliosis and kyphosis I've ever seen," Callie told him as she snatched the cup of coffee from her best friends hands and downed a large gulp of it. "Mmm," she hummed at the taste, "Thanks for this."
"No problem… about this kid, that's a shit hand to be dealt." Mark stated as he snatched the chart from Callie's hands. He started reviewing it with concern.
"Sounds like this kids progressing fast. Cancer come back?" Mark asked as he stopped reading the paperwork.
"That was my thought too, but I don't want to say a word until I'm sure. Lexie and Ryan are taking her down for scans soon, and then hopefully I'll have a better idea of what we're looking at," Callie told him as she started to walk back toward the pit.
Mark followed her, "I thought you were done working the kid cases?"
"I don't get to pick my patients Mark, and I could never pass this off to Judson. I want to make sure this kid can walk, run, even. She was in so much pain Mark," Callie told him sadly.
"If anyone can do it, it's you," he told her reassuringly. "Now, do you finally have time to explain what the fuck I witnessed the other night?" Mark was good at changing the subject, and even better at being a nosey rascal.
Callie rolled her eyes, she knew it was time to get this over with. Pulling Mark to a quieter side of the pit, she started to explain, from the beginning.
By the time she was finished, Mark was left speechless. He shook his head a few times, slapped the side of his face, and let his jaw fall open in feigned surprise. He did not stop his theatrics until Callie swatted him hard on the shoulder.
"Dude, come on." Callie growled at him.
"Don't dude me. This is juicy. You've been screwing the Chief's wife for months. How could you not tell me?" Mark laughed.
"That's not exactly something you share, ya know," Callie reminded him. She folded her arms across her chest and sighed. "It's kinda fucked up."
"So are you like… dating her now?" Mark asked.
"No. No. No. We are not dating. I am still very, very single. Arizona has so much healing and growing to do. Not to mention a divorce to go through. She's not out to anyone, and my parents would make damn sure I never went flying back into the closet. I can't do that again. But, I'm staying for the ride. Eventually, maybe, but I need to protect myself and give her space all at the same time," Callie told him, having spent enough agonizing moments thinking about this over the last few days.
"Good. Watch your back Torres, I can't beat up a woman," Mark told her as he wrapped an arm around her for a hug.
It was after 10:30 PM when Arizona and Timothy finally trudged their way to the elevator on the rooftop of Timothy's hotel. They'd spent the last hour and a half drinking cocktails at the rooftop bar, laughing, enjoying themselves, getting caught up on the intricacies of their lives.
Hayley, Timothy's eldest child, had just had her dance recital competition and taken first place. She was 8 now, and had been dancing for as long as Arizona could remember. Arizona had missed it, Timothy being stationed at Quantico in Virginia. Timothy had married his wife, Lauren, during his last year at Stanford. Two years later, they welcomed Hayley into the picture. Just a year later, the twins were born: Jamie and Madison. The twins were about to turn 7, and Timothy had planned a unicorn party for them at the park. Timothy was currently serving as an Officer in the United States Marine Corps – Captain, O-3. Arizona was incredibly proud of her brother.
"So," Timothy said, finally breaking the ice as they waited for the elevator. "When are you going to break it to mom and dad?"
Arizona shrugged. She genuinely had no idea. She knew her parents were expected to show up in Seattle at any moment. And now was as good a time as any. The last time she'd tried to tell her parents over the phone had not gone well. In person was definitely the way to go.
"The only thing on my side is that they no longer have any control over my life," Arizona stated simply. "They can't take away my education, my apartment, nothing… except their love." She hung her head low as the elevator dinged, signaling its arrival.
Timothy put an arm around his sister as the elevator doors opened. "They'll never stop loving you Phoenix, and even if they did stop talking to you, you'll always have me, Lauren, and the girls."
Timothy looked up to lead Arizona into the elevator, coming face to face with the smiling faces of Daniel and Barbara Robbins. "Mom! Dad!" He exclaimed, jumping back to make room for them to step off the elevator.
"Oh Timothy, I thought you would have been asleep by now!" Barbara wrapped her son into her arms as the elevator doors closed behind her and headed off to another waiting passenger. Timothy hugged his mother back and kissed the side of her head.
"Nope, went to catch up with Phoenix at the hospital once I got settled and we headed back here for a drink. I didn't expect you guys to be in this early," Timothy explained as his parents turned their attention to hugging their daughter hello.
"The airline asked if anyone wanted to give up their seat and switch to an earlier flight. We jumped at the chance for an extra few hours with you guys," Daniel explained as he let go of his hold on Arizona. "Come, lets all have a drink before bed. I'm so glad we caught you!"
Fuck, Arizona thought to herself. Was this a sign? Before she knew it, all 4 of them were heading back toward the swanky rooftop bar.
They'd been sitting there chatting for at least an hour before Arizona suddenly broke her silence. The group had been chatting about Maddie's new obsession: zooming away from her parents without warning due to her newfound bike riding skill.
"Mom, dad, I have to talk to you about something important," Arizona stated abruptly, cutting off Timothy as he finished a story about Maddie declaring Lauren, Maddie's mom, wasn't as smart as her because she could ride a bike before she could as a kid.
Everyone's eyes turned to meet Arizona's detached gaze. Each pair of blue eyes knew that something was up just by the tone of Arizona's voice. Her mother spoke first, "Go on Arizona, what's bothering you?"
"I need you to just be quiet and listen. No interruptions. If that's the last thing you do for me, please just give me that," Arizona pleaded with her parents.
"Of course, Phoenix, tell us what's on your mind," Daniel told her gently, placing his hand on his daughters knee from across the lounge area.
Arizona took a deep breath and began, "Christian and I are getting a divorce." She paused, almost as if she was testing her family to speak out of turn. Her parents' expressions fell, but neither said a word.
"When I was a little girl, all I cared about was school and soccer. I studied hard, completed every extra credit assignment I was offered, showed up to practice each day ready to give my team my all. I practiced hard, played hard. I kept my focus on growth my entire life. There was never any time for fun or love. All I cared about was getting into a good college, padding my resume, and making sure I set myself up nicely to become the best pediatric surgeon this country has to offer." Arizona paused to take a breath and search for a reassuring look from Timothy.
"I never had time for anything else, until I met her. I know this probably sounds ridiculous, now, all these years later. But, I fell in love when I was 22 and I never fell out of it." Arizona looked to her mother's face, attempting to find some sort of idea what she was thinking. Her mother's expression remained unchanged, but still, no one spoke.
"Her name is Callie Torres," Arizona continued, "and she was the most incredible woman I'd ever met. I was crazy about her. I'd never been so happy in my life. She made me feel absolutely and completely free. When you forced Callie from my life, you broke me." She looked up with tears in her eyes, glaring her parents down. "You took the one good thing I'd done for myself and threw it in the trash without letting me so much as say goodbye… I mourned that loss for years." She looked away to wipe tears from her eyes.
"Years," she emphasized again once she contained herself. "I cried every single day when I got back to school that summer. I wasn't cured – I was traumatized. I was absolutely ashamed with who I was. I –" She paused again, recalling the horrors of those first few months back at school. She shook the thoughts from her head. "I was so nauseated by my own reflection that I had to take every mirror out of my apartment because every time I saw myself I was violently puking on sight. I lost weight, I lost my friends. I had to watch her move on from afar, hating myself even more every time I saw her. Every ounce of my being wanted to die… I tried to move on from it. I tried so hard," Arizona's voice dropped off again and she paused to allow herself to cry for a second. Her entire body was shaking at this point, terrified of what her parents were going to say, but even more terrified to say nothing at all.
She grabbed for Timothy's hand, and he moved closer to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "I tried to move on. I married Christian, and achieved my dreams. My life was happy. I had you guys, I had what everyone wanted for me since the day I was born. But, it all came crashing down the second I moved here," Arizona continued with a gentle smile.
"Arizona?" Daniel tried, after several long moments of silence from his daughter.
Arizona put her hand up to gently silence him, "Dad please, wait… Callie works at Seattle Grace. She's a surgeon there. I… I can't hide this anymore. I'm a lesbian, Dad. I already told Christian, and he was surprisingly supportive. He's a good man. He deserves more than I could ever give him. I'm a lesbian and I intend to date women moving forward. I understand if you want nothing more to do with me, but I am no longer willing to hide who I am for anyone. I promise to give you space, understanding, and respect while you try to understand, if you choose to do so. But, please let me be clear – I will not hide, I will not pretend, and I will not accept anything less than complete respect for me and my future partners," she finished matter-of-factly, gaining a bit of confidence as her confession came to a close. Arizona put her head down and cuddled her body against her brother's warm embrace, signaling to the family that she was finished.
No one spoke for at least five minutes before Timothy finally broke the ice, "Mom, dad, I support Arizona… This isn't my battle to fight," he held his sister tighter, and leaned down to kiss the top of her blonde hair, "but I promise you this: I too will accept nothing but complete respect for Arizona and any future partner she may have. I'm not making threats, but I will not turn my back on my sister, and I will not permit my children to grow up around anything but love."
Arizona looked up at her brother, shocked by his declaration. Timothy was willing to walk away from their parents if they denied her respect. Arizona's tears fell freely now, as she looked toward her parents for some kind of reaction.
Daniel Robbins stood up from his chair and cautiously walked toward his children. He placed a gentle hand on each of his children's shoulders and smiled a kind of smile neither of the Robbins children had seen on their father before.
"Phoenix, Tim… I am so incredibly proud to be your father," Daniel breathed out after a moment. "You are exactly who I raised you to be. There is nothing more a father could ask for from his children." He looked toward Arizona, taking her face into his hands and directing her to look at him. "Arizona, can never express to you how sorry I am … for everything. I will never understand the pain you have endured over the last decade. I can never take that back." He looked solemnly down at his daughter, disappointment with himself evident across his face. "I will spend the rest of my life trying to find a way to make that up to you, my sweet Phoenix."
Arizona was shocked at her father's response. She broke free of her brothers hold, jumping upwards to wrap her arms around her father as tightly as she could. He still loved her. He still accepted her. She was still his daughter. Their hug lasted several moments as Arizona allowed herself to cry into her Father's dark blue blazer. He rubbed her back, kissed the side of her head and held on tight as his daughter trembled silently in his arms. Arizona finally pulled away when her father patted her back gently and gently moved away, "I'm proud of you Arizona, and I love you," he told her.
"Mom?" Arizona asked, turning to her mother who had still yet to say anything.