A/N I always feel like warnings at the beginning tend to give the story away. If you think you'll be triggered by violence or homophobic language, just skip this chapter. Msg me and I'll give you the gist of everything without the details.
Two chapters in one day courtesy of Christine, who returned this chapter to me, edited for all it's worth, in less than an hour because she's just that freakin' awesome. After all the messages I got today about this not being included in the chapter that was posted this morning, I thought I better get it up here before ya'll lynched me. For whatever reason, I'm especially looking for your reaction to this chapter. Read, enjoy, and if you have a minute, share your thoughts with me? Thanks, guys. Have I told you lately how great you guys are?
CHAPTER 74
Dalton Academy for Boys
Late May, Blaine & Jeff's Sophomore year:
"God, did you even get through the whole thing?!" Blaine exclaimed in the hallway as he met up with Jeff and Trent. They'd had the Chemistry final the previous day and said it was a 'bitch', but Blaine thought they'd been exaggerating. They weren't.
"NO! Dude, I told you it was brutal! I don't think anyone in our class finished! I wonder if he'll grade based on what you have done or based on what you didn't finish?" Trent said, scowling at the floor.
"Don't care, it's over with, that's all that matters. I know what I did manage to fill in was right, so I'll focus on that." Jeff said, rummaging through his bag. "One more and we're done, boys. You already packed, Blaine?" The blonde was bouncing on his toes, excited to just be finished with exams and start his summer.
"Yep, just my stuff out of the bathroom to throw in my bag and I'm all set. Cooper will be here at dinner time." He replied, dejected. "I don't wanna go back home, though. I'd rather hang out here all summer with you."
"Cooper? Seriously? I thought he took off, never to return or something?" Jeff asked.
"Visiting…briefly, I'm sure." Blaine told him.
"Which would be awesome…hangin' with you guys here all summer!" Trent laughed, "except that we won't be here, man. We're going home, too."
"Sucks…home's boring." Blaine groused.
"Maybe you could hang at Gram's with me this summer?" Jeff suggested.
"My mom would never hear of it…and dad…ugh. He's got me signed up for some bullshit at his office to 'learn something about the real world' or some crap. Gonna suck, that's all. But I appreciate the thought. Maybe I could at least visit you for a couple of days or something?" Blaine smiled, hope bright in his teenage mind.
"I'll ask Gram, but she loves you. You know she won't mind. Let me know when it would be a good time. Trent you're welcome as well, you know." Jeff told them.
"I know, I know. Gram rules, but I don't know when I'll be around. I have that gig lifeguarding at the pool, and there are bound to be hotties that need my attention both day and night, right?" Trent snickered.
The boys both gave him 'the look' and then laughed. Trent shoved them out of the way and continued on to lunch, meeting up with Thad at the doors to the cafeteria.
"Well boys…Chemistry?" Thad asked.
"Sucked out loud!" Jeff wailed.
"Mr. Sterling, your language…." His English teacher reprimanded as he left the hallway.
"Sorry!" he snickered back.
They found a table and commiserated on the rest of the day, then the summer without each other. Jeff made lunch fun, though, goofing around and arranging his fries to make words…most of them not always appropriate…but nonetheless making everyone around them laugh until they were holding their stomachs and doubled over.
"Ok, so you assholes better call me this summer! Don't leave me out there in suburbia all alone with nobody to talk to, you hear me?" Jeff told them.
"Same, guys. Almost three months off…what are we gonna do?" Trent asked.
"Well, I know what I'm gonna do, or rather 'who'…" Thad said slyly as he dragged his bags down the steps at the front of Dalton.
"Whatever dude, you'll do no such thing!" the boys laughed. "She won't give you the time of day!"
"She might, if I play my cards right! What about you, Jeff. Last year you met those kids at Grams's that moved in down the street. What were their names?" Thad said.
"Oh, uh…Owen and Stephanie…yeah, they were pretty cool." Jeff said, hoping they'd be around this summer as well.
"She hot?" Trent asked absently, watching for his mom's car to come through the Dalton gates.
"Who?" Jeff asked, distracted by his own thoughts.
"Trent's mom! Who the hell do you think, Sterling!" Thad yelled, laughing when Trent swung out to hit him and almost fell down the steps.
"Fuck off, man!" Trent yelled, regaining his balance. Jeff just blushed at the question, not yet willing to tell the guys what he thought. It wasn't their business anyway. He looked up from under his blonde bangs at Blaine to see him watching their friends…then cast a glance back at Jeff. His eyes were squinted as if something was working around in his brain but he couldn't put a finger on it. Jeff felt himself blush. He didn't want Blaine knowing what was going on in his head either yet…he wasn't sure himself…he sure wasn't sharing with the others….not even his best friend.
"Can't help it that your mom is a milf, Trent…" Thad went on, making Trent chase him even more. Finally Trent stopped and just grabbed Thad's bag and upended it all over the front steps of the school, standing back and watching a furious Thad shove everything back in just as the boy's parents pulled through the gates.
"You asshole!" Thad yelled, shoving his things unceremoniously into the duffle and flinging it over his shoulder as his parents climbed out of the car to load the rest of his things.
"Have a safe summer, Thad!" Trent yelled back at him, laughing all the while, knowing that Thad couldn't tell his parents what had happened without making himself look like a jerk. "Love you, too, sweetie!" he added for good measure, watching Thad's mom smirk at him and wink. He just loved Thad's mom…she was awesome. His dad, on the other hand…terrifying. He'd steer clear, thank you very much.
"Hey, there's your mom….and Cooper's right behind her." Blaine said, lifting his things. "Listen, Jeff, you better call me this summer. None of this stuff like last summer where I heard from you twice in 10 weeks, dude!"
"I will, I will, I promise!" Jeff laughed.
"Hey, Ms. Caroline!" Blaine smiled, grabbing her in a huge hug. "Thanks for the cookies a few weeks back. Jeff didn't share any of 'em, though…" He began, watching Jeff's eyes go wide.
"You lyin' sack o' shi-"
"Jeffrey!" His mom scolded him playfully.
"He ate like 90% of the whole damn thing, mom! Does it every time!" Jeff argued, his arms flailing. "You're a lyin' snake, Blaine Anderson!" he laughed.
"Ok, ok, I had a few cookies…they were amazing, as always…" Blaine laughed. "Listen, Jeff, you call me, ok? I wanna hear from you, or else!" he yelled, ducking into Coop's front seat.
"Yeah, yeah, you'll hear from me until you're sick of me!" Jeff laughed back.
"I'll hold you to it. If you don't, I'll hunt you down, and that's a promise, Jeff! You too, Trent…find a phone, moron!" Blaine laughed. Thad gave a one finger salute out the back window as his parents' car pulled through the gates.
"Gonna miss you guys…be safe this summer….see you in 10 weeks!" Jeff yelled, getting in the car with a huge grin. It was the last time Blaine would see him smile for a very long time.
Gram's House
Late June, Summer vacation
"So, what's on your agenda this weekend, honey?" Gram asked over breakfast a few weeks later. "Any big plans?"
"I'm going to the movies tonight with Owen and Steph. That's ok, right?" Jeff asked her.
"Fine, fine…I have the Bridge ladies tonight anyway. I'm glad you won't be here alone. I know it was rough with those two gone for vacation the first two weeks you were here." She smiled.
"Doesn't matter, they're here now." Jeff grinned. He'd been overwhelmingly bored for the first weeks of his visit, but he'd helped Gram out around the house a lot to pass the time. She had him up on the ladder cleaning gutters, painting the garage and cleaning out the basement with her to keep him busy. Then she'd unexpectedly paid him for his work, against his wishes. His mom would skin him alive if she knew he'd kept even a dime of it, so he refused. Gram set it in a mason jar in the kitchen and labeled it "Jeff's going out money" to appease him after that. He had $30 in his pocket for the day, and most of it would go toward a ticket, a drink and popcorn at the movies that night.
He helped in the garden that afternoon, then went to the swimming pool with Owen and Steph for a couple of hours. When evening hit, he walked over to their house where he was to meet up and walk over to the theater. Owen came out the door dressed to the nines and Steph was nowhere to be found.
"No Steph?" Jeff asked, curious.
"Naw, she said she's got cramps. That girl shit gets to me. I didn't ask any more questions after that, man!" Owen laughed. Jeff blushed a little and they set off for the theater.
As much as he thought they should have been, action /adventure movies weren't really Jeff's 'thing', but he sat through the movie with his thoughts half on the screen and half on the boy next to him. He wasn't sure, but something had changed this summer, and he wasn't able to pinpoint what it was, exactly. Owen wasn't treating him the same, and he wanted to know why. When the whole crowd gasped and jumped out of their seats, Jeff missed it entirely, his mind focused elsewhere.
"You ok?" Owen whispered.
"Yeah…yeah, why?" Jeff replied, distracted still.
"This movie not your thing, or what? Your mind is elsewhere…someone here you're more interested in? I could maybe introduce you if I know her?" Owen said, a mischievous smirk on his face. Jeff blushed 10 shades of red and just shook his head. He hadn't been paying attention to anyone, really….nobody but Owen. "Good…"
Jeff sat there, oddly, uncomfortably, wondering if he'd heard correctly…had Owen said "good"? What had he meant by that? Had he caught Jeff staring. WAS Jeff staring? Oh God…what if….
Jeff inhaled sharply, jolting up from his seat as Owen's warm fingers brushed against his. It was like lightning shooting through his system and he was instantly on his feet and on his way up the aisle and out of the dark theater like a shot. His breathing was ragged as he crossed the lobby and hit the men's room at a sprint, heart pounding and face flushed. He stood at the sink panting, staring at himself in the mirror, unsure what was going on, but he felt…odd. Very, very odd. Uncertain…close to tears…unsure who he was and what he was feeling.
He splashed a handful of water on his face in a weak attempt to calm himself and was almost feeling a bit better when he heard the door open. Before he could be seen, he fled to a bathroom stall and shut the door quietly, leaning his head against the cool door with his eyes closed.
"Jeff? Dude, are you in here? You ok, man?" Owen asked to the seemingly empty bathroom. Jeff felt like he'd burst into tears at any moment. He held as still as possible, not wanting to talk about whatever was going on. He didn't know what to say…what in the world could he say anyway?
"Ok, so I see your shoes under the door. Did you eat some bad stir fry for dinner or what?" Owen joked. It was then that Jeff's whole self betrayed him and he let out a choked sob, much to his horror. "Jeff? Please….do you need something? I can get you a drink…some water…if you need it. You're kinda flippin' me out, man. You alright?"
"I'm…'m ok…I think." Jeff choked on his words, knowing they were a lie. He suddenly felt so far from alright, as if his mind was screaming the grass was purple and the sky was orange, concrete was soft and soup was solid, marshmallows were bitter and…and people weren't what he thought they were….HE wasn't who he thought he was…nothing fit. He felt like he was strangling and he couldn't figure out what the hell was going on.
"Can you come out here? I can't…I can't help you if you're in there and I'm out here, Jeff. There's nobody in here but us. Can you…just open the door, man." Owen coaxed him.
Jeff took a deep breath, thought twice about opening the door, but then figured he could only stay in there so long anyway. He pulled the door into the stall and slipped out, his face still flushed and his hair sweaty at the scalp.
"Dude…you look like death. You wanna head home? We don't have to stay for the end…it's a dumb movie anyway. C'mon, let's get you home. You want me to call my mom to come get us?"
"No…no, it's ok, I should probably walk…get some air or something." Jeff replied, feeling a bit lightheaded. He splashed his face with water one more time, looking at himself in the mirror and seeing his friend standing a foot behind him, his hand on his bare shoulder, the tank top he was wearing suddenly feeling as if it didn't exist at all. It felt like it was on fire, his skin, and what the hell was that about, and why was his damn face flushed again. Jesus, what….But…it was comforting…the hand, right? He didn't feel threatened…just….better. Better enough to try and get home and sort himself out.
"C'mon, then…" Owen said, handing him a wad of towels to dry his face with.
They walked the first block in silence, Jeff lost in his thoughts and Owen constantly looking like he was ready to jump out of his skin if he didn't say something. Jeff's mind was a whir and he didn't know what, exactly, would come out if he did say anything, so he kept his mouth shut. When Owen's fingers brushed his again, he was certain he'd combust. And he knew…God, he knew…this wasn't what he'd expected of summer vacation, but the bulge he was sporting at the pool these past weeks wasn't for Steph at all…Jesus….Keep it together long enough to get home, Jeff…he told himself. Feeling faint, he kept walking.
"So um…you feeling any better? You're looking better, the color is back in your cheeks now." Owen said, reaching up to brush his fingers against Jeff's face. Jeff thought any second his eyes would roll back in his head and he'd just collapse. He was on fire, he was dying and he wanted to laugh out loud all at the same time.
"G-good…I'm…ok…yeah." Jeff muttered out, barely.
"Ok, so then look at me." Owen said softly. He stopped on the sidewalk at the entrance to the park and just waited for Jeff to look up.
"I can't…" Jeff said, barely above a whisper, his heart pounding over this boy….Owen….
"Why not? Are we friends, Jeff? What is this? I mean, last summer was really easy, and I had a great time hangin' out with you, and so did Steph, but this summer, you're …something's different….off. Have I done something?"
"N-no…Owen, no, it's …you didn't do anything, I don't know what's going on, I just…I feel….I'm not really in control of my thoughts or something and…oh God, what…why…can you just…stand there…over there, please…not on me…not so close or…" Jeff trailed off, voice faltering.
"What? What the hell, man, are you serious? It's come to this, now? I know this isn't a conversation we've had, Jeff, but I thought it was pretty obvious what I am, and I thought you were ok with that…." Owen said, a little too loudly for Jeff's liking.
"I don't care….I don't…it's not what you think, O…it's not. I just…I can't…you can't just…stand so close and touch me and…." Jeff tried to explain, but Owen wasn't having it. He was furious.
"Oh NOW you have an issue?" He said, up in Jeff's face all of a sudden. They were mere inches apart now and Jeff felt that familiar lightheadedness kicking in. God, not now…..
"Owen, believe me, it's not what you think…"
"Really, because right now, what I think it that maybe it's just dawned on you that I'm gay and you're, suddenly, not ok with that, am I right? Because that's shitty, Jeff. We've been friends for a year now, and you know me for me, not as that gay kid, or at least I thought you did. What, are you upset that Steph couldn't come tonight? I'm ok to hang out with when she's around…what is she to you, a buffer? Or maybe…." Owen went on, but Jeff took off at a stride, leaving Owen ranting in his wake.
Grabbing his phone, he called Gram with shaking fingers as he skirted the edge of the park, but she didn't answer. He left her a voicemail, asking her to pick him up if she was on her way home, or if she got the message, not knowing if his feet would carry him another step further, and with Owen growling down his back.
"Don't you walk away, Jeff. This isn't something you just…just ignore me over…" he started, and then Jeff heard it….heard Owen's voice crack…then the sob. He stopped dead, not turning around yet, just listening. "I'm sorry…I thought maybe…because you're acting…different, sort of…but clearly I was wrong. I was so wrong, but don't get all bent up, Jeff, please. I don't have friends here…enough friends for one of the really important people in my life to just turn around a walk away from me because I'm gay, I'm sorry…." He choked out.
When Jeff turned, Owen had leaned against a pole, his back straight, but his head hung in…what? Shame? Grief? Guilt? Jeff's heartbeat was pounding double time and his mind was firing off like bottle rockets in his head. Without thinking, he turned, strode back over to Owen to look him straight in the eye and give him what for…he had to tip Owen's face up to look at him properly, though, and when he did, he just lost it…lost all control, all ability to keep his thoughts and actions in check and all semblance of what was up, down and backward. He just acted.
Owen's lips were so soft, just velvet under his own and he couldn't tear himself away. The boy gasped as Jeff's lips met his own and his hands flew up to Jeff's chest. For a split second, Jeff thought he'd push him away, but he didn't. Instead he fisted his hands in Jeff's shirt and tugged him closer, his mouth open now and moving smoothly over Jeff's lips. When Jeff pulled away for air, Owen muttered softly "breathe through your nose…" and snickered before pulling him back in. It was soft, it was hard, it was hot and pleasant and all that was good and Jeff was lost.
He wasn't sure how long they stood there before he broke free again, breathing in deeply and looking into Owen's eyes before he burst out laughing.
"You're such an idiot…" Jeff said, lightly, leaning his forehead on his friend's, who was also grinning now.
"I'M the idiot? I know what I am, Jeff….I think maybe, until tonight, you had little or no idea!" he laughed.
"I…I didn't. I mean, I did…I thought maybe, but I hadn't said anything to anyone…and it's not as if I don't have anyone to talk to about it…my two best friends are f-ing both gay for Christ's sake!" Jeff laughed. "Do you think it rubbed off on me?" he laughed out loud at his own stupid joke, making Owen guffaw along with him. Then he leaned in and pecked Jeff's lips again and grabbed his hand as they walked and swung their joined hands between them.
"You ok now, then?" Owen smiled at him.
"I dunno…but I'm much better than I was 15 minutes ago." Jeff smiled bashfully.
Jeff's phone rang then, and he reached in his pocket to answer it as three boys rounded the corner ahead and approached them from the other direction making Owen's whole posture stiffen. He nearly stopped walking altogether, dropping Jeff's hand like it was on fire.
"Hey Gram…I'm with Owen, by the park, can you pick us up?" Jeff said, not even asking if that was ok with Owen. The look on his friend's face said it all. Something was wrong. "Gram, can you hurry…I think something's wrong."
"I'm on my way from Bridge club, honey, I'll swing that way on my route home, what do you mean something's wrong?" Gram asked. Not paying attention, she nearly ran a stop sign and slammed on her brakes, causing the phone to fall to the floor just as she heard a sickening scream on the other end of the line….and the call disconnected. She couldn't reach her phone with her seatbelt on, and in a split second, she contemplated taking off her belt and retrieving it, but Jeff was just around the block, apparently, and he needed her. The phone rang again, but she couldn't reach it, she just drove like the hounds of hell were on her bumper.
"'Sup, Owen. You find another innocent victim to lure over the fag side?" the boy said as he and his two friends approached him and Jeff. Jeff was on the phone, hopefully not hearing the ugly words….even more hopefully having someone come get them.
"I have no problems with you, Dillon….back off. I'm not bothering you."
"Oh, but you see, you ARE bothering me, homo. I don't think I should have to see you holding hands with other fags. I don't like looking at it, and look at you walkin' around out here in public spreading all your fairy shit all over like it's ok. I think it's disgusting, and so does everyone else. I don't think you should do it, but this isn't something new, is it Owen? I've told you this a few times, haven't I?" Dillon asked, quietly, eerily. Owen was backing up toward Jeff now, needing to tell him to just run…just get away. He wasn't quick enough.
Jeff was frantically dialing Gram again, but he got her voicemail. As he was going to leave a message for her to please hurry…to call the cops or something, he felt his arm being wrenched from behind as two more boys snuck up on him and shoved his face up against a tree, holding him there. He dropped his phone at his feet and screamed in agony as the two boys held him still, his nose bent at an odd angle against the bark of the tree. He could hear the boy who was speaking to Owen screaming ugly, terrible things at him now. He was crying out in pain, but Jeff couldn't see what was happening.
"See, faggot, this is what happens when you spread all your faggot fairy dust around in public. Dillon takes you down…and we're around as back up." Said the voice way too close to his ear. Jeff struggled to get loose, shoving one boy off of him as he heard a sickening crack and Owen screaming in agony.
"Jeff…run…" was all Owen kept saying over and over, but Jeff wasn't going anywhere. Adrenaline kicked in and he fought…he fought hard against whoever was holding him, knocking one boy to the ground and giving the other a good run for his money. As he circled with the two boys who were terrorizing him, he saw that two others were holding Owen's arms and this 'Dillon' was taking pop shots at his friend's face…his ribs…anything he could reach. A swift kick to the groin had Owen falling to his knees as the boys holding him laughed, and Jeff completely snapped. He was no longer registering the two boys hounding him to keep him out of the way…all that was on his radar now was Dillon, and getting him away from Owen.
In a move that totally confused everyone, Jeff stopped sparring with the boys hoping to hold him back and shoved through them to jump on Dillon's back, his arm tight around the boy's throat doing anything in his power to cut off his air in an effort to make him stop throwing punches. Owen was a bloody mess and Jeff felt himself gag as the two boys holding his friend dropped him to the pavement in favor of removing Jeff from Dillon's back. Jeff held on and squeezed with all his might, feeling some of the fight going out of his tormentor. Blood from his eye blurred his vision and he began to slip when Dillon's chin and neck became slippery. Where'd that come from? Dillon arched back suddenly and head butted him in the face, the crunching sound of Jeff's nose enough to make him almost vomit. He lay there, on the ground, stunned for a time, before hearing voices and Owen screaming again.
"Do it, Jake, just do it…fuck him with it…he'll like it. Isn't that what they like…being fucked up the ass?" Another boy jeered, tossing a stick to his friend who was now holding Owen down.
"No….NO!" Jeff roared, making his way to all fours and then just springing forward onto the nearest body. As Jeff sprung up, the boy turned and Jeff landed square on his chest, hands going for his throat as his body met that of the tormentor and momentum carried them backwards into a picnic table. A deafening, ringing thud and a crack later, there were three boys on the ground and four left standing…staring…mouths agape and horrified.
A car screeched to a stop mere feet away and Gram threw open her car door, instantly hysterical.
"Get out! Get out of here you hooligans! Leave these boys alone!" she hollered. The sight before her was horrific; Owen face down, spread eagle on the ground, his shorts shoved to his knees, Jeff, also face down, nearly unconscious and another boy she didn't know was lying on his back, his head resting on what appeared to be a rock next to the picnic table….blood trickling down his head from an unseen wound.
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph…" she said, crossing herself. "Someone call for the police. Get help, you fools! Call for an ambulance!" she screamed at the stunned spectators. She crouched down near Jeff, wiping his hair out of his face and sobbing now. "Baby…oh dear Lord above, Jeffrey, say something to your ol' Gram….tell me anything at all my precious boy…" she cried. Jeff felt her grab his hand and then felt and heard nothing after that.
The hospital wasn't fun. Jeff had spent way too much time there, and he was ready to go home; but not before seeing Owen first.
" 'M not going, Gram…not til they let me see Owen." Jeff said calmly, using his crutches to get to the elevator, slowly, fumbling his way. "I know where he is, Steph told me, and I'm going up there. The only way I'm not going in that room is if security drags me out bodily."
"Honey, I don't think it's wise…" Gram was saying, Caroline hot on their heels carrying Jeff's bag from his hospital room.
"Wise or not, he's my friend. All he was worried about the whole time was telling me to run… getting me away from it all. I will see him, and that's that." Jeff said, carrying on toward Owen's room.
"I don't think this is the time, baby…" Caroline Sterling pleaded with her son. "I really think…Jeff…Jeffrey!" she began again, to no avail. Jeff shoved open the door his friend's room and stood in shock.
"You lookin' at, hot stuff?" Owen mumbled, much of his face still bandaged from the damage the boys has caused. Rings were not his friend these days, apparently.
"Owen…" he breathed out. "Hey…." He added with a smile.
"Go ahead, gasp, tell me how fucking awesome I look and then take a picture so you can remember it. I won't be this stunning forever, ya know?" he said, wanting to laugh, but it hurt his ribs…many of them broken or cracked.
"I would have come up sooner, but the bastard doctors wouldn't let me…" Jeff began.
"I know, Steph told me. She's been here all damn night and day fussing over me, but I'm sure she's been hounding you, too, huh?"
"Yeah…all night…all day…" Jeff laughed. "God, man, you look like shit!"
"Thanks, you say the sweetest things, mi amore…." Owen mumbled. "What's that they say….you should see the other guy?" he chuckled, then winced again. "Have you?"
"Have I what?" Jeff asked.
"Seen the other guy? Any of 'em? Nobody wants to tell me what the hell's going on, like it's some big secret or some shit, ya know? I'm pretty sure my life would be made if I thought they might be laying in the next room with just as much damage as me." He shrugged, then winced in pain.
"Haven't seen anyone…none of those guys, anyway, but-" Jeff began, but was cut off by a throat clearing in the doorway.
"Mr. Sterling? Mr. Backsheider?" the police officer said, his voice terse and commanding. Another officer followed him into the room, along with Caroline, Gram and Owen's mom.
"Yeah…that's me…and him. Did you get 'em?" Jeff asked, needing to know.
"I'd like to know that, as well, officer. Were you able to apprehend any of the boys who did this to my son…our sons?" Caroline asked.
The officer huffed a half laugh out and sneered at Jeff. "I think that's the very least of your worries, young man. I have four witnesses who say that you jumped on their friend and caused him to hit his head on a steel picnic table and then a large decorative rock sitting next to the table. That boy is now dead, Mr. Sterling, and I'd like to ask you some questions. Get comfortable."
Jeff was moved to another room to be questioned and Owen had his own officer to speak to. It was clear to Jeff from the beginning that something wasn't right. They had the wrong slant on the evening and Jeff felt like he was talking to the wall. Half of what he said wasn't even being written down by the officer he was sitting with. What the hell was going on?
By the third time the cop used the term "juvenile detention center" Caroline had had enough.
"Ok, Jeff, not another word. We'll be hiring a lawyer now, officer, as it's crystal clear that nothing Jeff has said has made it through your thick skull, so either charge him with something right now, or I'm taking my son home. No? Ok, Jeff, let's get out of here." She said, helping him to his feet, handing him his crutches and throwing a nasty glare over her shoulder at the cop who looked back at her like he was the spider and she was the fly. Jeff barely made it to the car before he had a meltdown.
Owen came home 8 days later. He'd had just as many visits from the police officers and investigators as Jeff had, and they were all pretty tired of it. Jeff had told the same story to at least 10 different people, and every time he felt more and more like screaming. Just when he thought he couldn't take one more day, one more question, one more accusation….a miracle.
With all the hustle and bustle around her, Gram had neglected to check her voicemail on her cell phone. After receiving a call from one of 'her girls' wanting to know why she'd missed their weekly Bridge game, and hounding her for never returning her messages, she checked her phone…at home. When she found nothing on her answering machine from Blanche, she checked her cell phone voicemail and sobbed for nearly half an hour before finally being able to talk sense to Caroline and have her listen. It was all there, every harsh and insulting word, every crack of bone, every slur, every pleading cry from Owen for Jeff to run, every scream from Jeff to leave Owen alone. Every single word…caught on Gram's voicemail when Jeff had dropped his phone after being attacked from behind. Praise God, Gram said over and over again. Although this was their salvation, their solution, their answer, it didn't help everything. For Jeff, the damage was done.
He would listen to that recorded voicemail over and over until he had every sound memorized in his head, every word carved there, every scream etched in his memory. He would hear it in his waking hours, in his sleep, in his subconscious until he couldn't take any more.
The records were sealed, as they were all minors, and threats were made against the families if they were found to have been speaking about the details. Nobody in any authority would call them "threats", but that's what they were…it was clear. By the time all of the loose ends were tied up, it was time for Jeff to go back to school, and he hadn't even gotten a second date with Owen.
Shortly thereafter, Owen's family packed up and moved away. He and Jeff vowed to keep in touch over email, and with phone calls of course. Only time would tell.
Dalton Academy for Boys
Early September, Junior Year
"So, what room are you in?" Blaine asked Thad as he dragged his rolling suitcase across the busy Dalton hallway.
"217, you?" Thad replied, checking the slip of paper in his hand.
"222. Does your have a name on it? Last year they had the roommates name on it." Blaine replied.
"Nope, no name."
"Gentlemen…."
"Trent!" Blaine and Thad yelled in unison.
"What room are you in, man?" Thad asked.
"219, you guys?" Trent replied.
"Ugh….God! Watch me get stuck with some lunatic!" Thad grumbled.
"Don't freak out, man. Let's just head on up and we'll see who shows up, ok?" Blaine suggested, always the calm and collected one. They dragged their bags up the stairs and found the appropriate rooms, each slipping inside with a hopeful look toward the others. Blaine's roommate never showed that day, or that evening…in fact, when he finally did show up, Blaine was furious…fuming mad.
"What the hell, man! You don't call all summer. You don't return my calls when I leave you countless voicemails, and then you show up here, three days into the school year gone, and you won't even speak to me? Did I DO something, Jeff, 'cause I gotta tell you, I'm a little miffed here, man!" Blaine railed.
"You didn't do anything, Blaine, I was just busy is all." Jeff replied quietly, trying hard to just get his bags unpacked without freaking out or breaking down. Turns out, finding out that you killed someone will take its toll on a teenaged boy. And sometimes, it takes a while for that knowledge to sink in, and when it does, it takes root…holds tight, and torments…teases and prods. Guilt is a harsh thing.
"Well, if I didn't do anything, then I'd really like some kind of explanation as to why you were SO busy over the summer that you couldn't even call me back!" Blaine said, his anger showing through a little more than it normally would. He counted Jeff as his best friend, and this wasn't like him….he was irritated, yes, and not afraid to say so. "What could you have been doing that you were too busy for 10 f-ing weeks to call me back? Clearly fasting or something…what the hell, you're skinny as a rail, Jeff!"
"I just had some things going on, Blaine, that's all. Can we not argue about it? Please?"
"Yeah…whatever…I guess not." Blaine said, still agitated.
Dalton, Late October
"It's not just you, B…he's not talking to anyone. It was bad at the beginning of the year but now…shit, now he doesn't speak at all, I mean, even to the lunch attendant when she asks what he'd like to eat…he points…won't raise his eyes. He's wasting away to nothing, Blaine. I'm calling his mom. He hasn't been home and she hasn't been here. I dunno what's going on, but something's bad wrong!" Trent railed over lunch one day. Jeff had taken to grabbing a tray and taking it back to his room. It wasn't allowed, but it was as if he was daring someone to catch him, say something…anything.
"Yeah, I think it's time. The only time I hear him say anything at all is in the middle of the night when he wakes up either screaming or sobbing…and it's every single night, you guys. EVERY. NIGHT. I'm going to skip classes this afternoon, sit him down, force him to talk to me. It's freaking Halloween next weekend and he has no costume for the party, says he's not going, doesn't seem at all interested. OH! Oh shit, and get this, Wes called an emergency meeting for our half of the group and he didn't show. Just didn't even show up. Wes was fuming. When I got back and asked him why, he shrugged it off like it was nothing. Damn….takes balls to ignore Wes, I'm just sayin'…." Blaine said, shaking his head. "I'm afraid Wes is gonna kick him out of the Warblers, and that would totally suck!"
"Ok, you try to talk to him this afternoon, but if nothing comes of it, I'm calling Ms. Caroline. It's not right, man." Trent said again.
"We're talking, right now, and you're going to tell me what's wrong, Jeff. You're my best friend and I'm so damn scared of what's happening that I can't find words, man. Please, I'm begging you, Jeff, please just tell me what's wrong!?" Blaine said, calmly, as he entered the room and flung himself down on his bed to stare at his friend. Jeff sat silently, lunch tray untouched, and stared at the wall saying nothing.
"Please….shit….PLEASE, Jeff. God, tell me something. MAKE ME understand what's going on and tell me how I can help you!" Blaine pleaded, but Jeff just shook his head and kept his eyes on the far wall.
"Can't tell you, B…not allowed to say anything. It wouldn't help anyway I guess…what's done is done." Jeff said quietly.
"Bullshit…what the hell do you mean you're 'not allowed' to tell me what's going on? That's not even…what the hell, man. You have to know you can tell me anything…anything at all, man, and I won't repeat it. I won't, Jeff. Please….I just want to help you. I can't help you if I don't know what's going on. Please….please tell me." Blaine pleaded, moving from his bed to kneel on the floor in front of his friend at the edge of Jeff's bed.
Jeff sat silently for what seemed like ever, staring at his comforter, assessing the pattern there, his mind working furiously and weighing his options. He'd thought about it a thousand times since returning to Dalton, at least 10 times a day….he'd think about discussing things with Blaine….telling him what happened…telling him it was all his fault. But up until now he hadn't said a word. He wasn't supposed to, right? They might come back and get him…send him to Juvie…lock him away….but only if Blaine told anyone. Otherwise it was their secret. It was between them…and he had to talk to someone. He was going crazy…slowly…grades dropping…weight dropping…will to live….God, he didn't even want to think of it.
"Jeff? Look at me. Nothing that happened could make me turn on you. Nothing that you did or said, nothing that was done to you could make me turn away from you…nothing. I love you more than my own brother, man. Please….Please let me in." Blaine pleaded, his last effort to help his friend before going to an adult.
Raising his eyes…eyes red from crying and complete and utter lack of sleep….Jeff made eye contact with his best friend and said the words he'd never uttered outloud to anyone…ever.
"Blaine….I killed someone this summer." He said, softly, silently but with conviction. And there it was…out in the open…and the dam burst, tears spilling out down his face and the harsh, wracking, ugly sobs took over Jeff's body for all it was worth.
"Jeff….ok, it's ok…." Blaine said, nearly throwing himself at his friend. They huddled on Jeff's bed together for the rest of the day, Jeff telling him the whole story, every detail, and Blaine never let go. He held him, pet his hair, made him lay down on the bed when the strain of sitting up seemed to nearly cripple Jeff in his weakened state. At dinner he texted Trent and asked him to bring them something…anything, mostly something for Jeff to drink as Blaine was afraid he was dehydrated from all the crying.
When Trent arrived, he didn't knock, he just came into the room with a bag of pilfered goods from the cafeteria. He found Jeff wound up in a ball on his bed, facing the wall, and Blaine snuggled up so close with his arms around Jeff at his back that they looked like one person. He raised an eyebrow at Blaine and a smirk appeared. It quickly disappeared at the look of utter horror from Blaine….he cast a sorrowful, sad look at Jeff and just silently shook his head at Trent as if to tell him "it's bad, man….really bad…". Trent swallowed audibly and set the bag down, backing out of the room.
"You call me or text me if you need anything. Anything at all. I'll stay here this weekend, ok?" Trent said, silently letting the door click closed.
If Blaine thought that he and Jeff were close friends before that weekend, he'd underestimated things. After that weekend, they were inseparable, like one person instead of two, classes changed to match each other's schedules and every spare minute spent in each other's company. Blaine wasn't letting Jeff out of his sight for one minute. In the horrible depressive state his friend was in, he wasn't sure what would happen if he wasn't there with him at all times. He became Jeff's shadow, and that was that. The secret stayed between them, Blaine explaining to anyone who asked that Jeff was going to be fine, he was going through a rough period, and that bringing it up or asking lots of questions would only make him fall deeper into his depression. He kept any and all stress from his friend as much as possible and took to sleeping in Jeff's bed with him when his friend begged shamelessly, as it seemed to keep the nightmares away.
Blaine made it his mission to do internet research to find out the best way to help Jeff with his guilt, because he knew, deep down, that was the real issue. Jeff felt guilty for the boy's death, even if it wasn't directly his fault. Many would say the kid deserved it. Others would say that the rock was there, that Jeff hadn't hit him with it. Jeff would say if he hadn't freaked out, they wouldn't have left the movie early…and maybe others would have been walking home that way, making it impossible to get them alone for the attack. Jeff would say that he should have let Owen call his mom to pick them up when Jeff freaked out in the bathroom. Jeff would say if he hadn't kissed Owen at the park, they would have been that much further on their walk home, and missed the group of boys coming from the other direction. The guilt was eating him alive. Blaine aimed to fix it, and he seemed to be doing ok with it. Spending every waking moment together, and most of the sleeping moments as well, seemed to calm Jeff, so Blaine counted that as a good thing.
To the outsiders, it seemed that they were now dating, and some made comments as such. Blaine didn't confirm or deny, just let them think what they wanted as long as they didn't bother Jeff.
By Thanksgiving, Jeff looked better, and truth be told, he was feeling better, too. His grades were coming up, his weight was improving and he was known to actually sit down to eat lunch with the Warblers during their lunch bell. Blaine had hopes that things would actually be ok soon.
Mid December
The Winter Formal was on the horizon, and the Warblers were expected to attend. Blaine wasn't sure if Jeff had someone in mind to ask, and he wasn't sure how to bring it up. Lately, he wasn't sure where they stood. Truth be told, things had gotten…comfortable. Almost too comfortable, actually. He woke up one morning the previous week with morning wood and caught himself grinding into Jeff's back…and although he was mortified, he was also confused that Jeff said nothing about it. Did he not care or had he slept through it all and not noticed?
For that matter, Jeff was having a few mental conflicts of his own. He was having mini panic attacks when the guys would start talking about the Formal, who everyone was taking, and apparently who they planned on spending the evening with after the dance….as well as what would go on.
"I dunno about you guys, but I'm going to get a hotel room for Jen and me…."
"F that, too expensive. Just as easy to sneak someone up to the dorms. Ray's not going to the dance, he's going home that weekend, so I'm free to do what I want…."
"Yeah? Well, my room's next to Anderson and Sterling, so I'm mighty excited to hear what happens over there, and you can bet your ass I'll hear something! It's about time, anyway….."
"Speaking of asses…." Blaine cut in, staring the boy down and giving him a reproachful look for his crass comments. "What happens in our room is none of your business."
"Yeah? Well, from the sound of things, there's nothing happening, so don't take your frustrations out on me, Anderson!"
"Again…not your business…."
"You won't give it up to him, Jeff? C'mon, he's a good looking guy, right?" the boy persisted. Jeff got up quietly and left the table, saying nothing.
"You're a dick, Phillip!" Blaine hissed, going after Jeff.
"Probably, but at least I'm getting' some!" the boy laughed as Blaine stormed from the room.
"Hey…" Blaine said, when Jeff returned to their room later. He'd left the table, and Blaine assumed he was going back to their dorm, but upon arriving there, Jeff wasn't there.
"Hey, B…." Jeff said, his back ramrod straight. "Listen..."
"About what he said, Jeff….." they began at the same time. "You first."
"What…what are we?" Jeff asked hesitantly. Blaine huffed out a laugh.
"We're just us, Jeff. Nothing more, nothing less. We don't have to 'be' something to anyone but you and me. Our relationship is what we make of it."
"I just….I don't want to hold you back…keep you from something…someone…you might…want." Jeff said, quietly.
Blaine sat silently, unsure what he wanted, and afraid to really think about it.
"Does it bother you?" Jeff asked.
"Does what bother me?"
"Them talking about us…as if they know what's going on? I mean, don't think I don't know what you've done for me, Blaine. I was on the fast track to crazy, and without you, I have no doubt they'd have locked me up somewhere by now. I can't say how much I appreciate that…I just need you to know that, ok?"
"Anything for you, Jeff. Anything….I was so scared…" Blaine said, his eyes fluttering shut at the memory of what Jeff was falling into. "I couldn't lose you, man."
"So um…this Winter Formal…thing…are you…going? Are um…are we going?" Jeff asked bashfully.
"Why Mr. Sterling, did you just invite me to the Winter Formal?" Blaine replied with a smirk.
"Maybe…" Jeff smirked back, but he was staring at the floor biting his lip.
"I accept. I think it'll be a blast."
Suits were purchased, pressed and readied. The boys, secretly, both ordered corsages for each other and laughed as they pinned them on. Pictures were taken. Punch was spiked and booze was smuggled in for after parties later on.
They danced together, quite closely for just friends, and not close enough for lovers. Remarks were made and suggestions offered…some of them quite off color. The boys took it all in stride and just rolled their eyes.
After the dance, there was a Warbler 'after party' in the practice room, and everyone brought their dates. It was crashed by many non-Warblers, but nobody cared. They all danced some more, ate the offered pizza and indulged on booze that shouldn't have been there.
By the time Jeff and Blaine staggered back to their dorm, they were tipsy, giggly.
"Did you SEE the way she was attacking Wes' face? I mean, he's so straight and narrow and uptight, I thought he'd die of embarrassment…but he just took it in stride like it was normal!" Blaine laughed.
"Ohhh! Oh, maybe it IS normal?!" Blaine said excitedly. "Maybe the Wes WE see is the alter ego or something? 'Mild mannered Warbler leader by day, horny bastard by night!" Jeff crowed, and they both laughed, falling on to Blaine's bed in a fit of giggles.
"Well, we know what those two will be up to tonight. Same as everyone else, I suppose!" Blaine said, rolling his eyes and smirking. Jeff did the same.
"Did you see Thad? I thought he was going to throw up. He's planning on sneaking that girl back to his dorm, and I'm fairly certain it'll be his first time. He's a wreck…I figure he'll chicken out." Jeff commented.
"What about you?" Blaine said, eyes closed now, just talking to be talking.
"What about me?"
"What was your first time like?" Blaine asked, but he was met with silence. When he opened his eyes, he fully expected that Jeff had fallen asleep, the pause had been that long. "Dude…ok, you don't have to talk about it, I was just….sorry. Never mind."
"No, it's um….I mean, you know I'd have told you, right?" Jeff said, his voice quiet.
"I thought maybe it was too private."
"There hasn't…um…I didn't. I've never done that, B." he admitted, avoiding Blaine's face. "Don't laugh, ok?"
"Why would I laugh? I've never either…you'd have known. I'd have told you, I think." Blaine said, a grin pulling up the side of his lips when Jeff looked up surprised.
"No?"
"Nope…"
"I don't think I'd ever feel comfortable enough to do…that…with anyone, really. I can't imagine, ever, being…well, comfortable is the only word I can think of. You're the only one I'm truly myself with, Blaine, so unless you and I were to-" Jeff began, but stopped immediately when he realized what he was saying. His eyes were wide and he immediately diverted his gaze elsewhere, busying himself with menial crap.
"I know what you mean, Jeff. Don't get all antsy on me. That's not ever something I could do with just anyone…there'd have to be feelings involved and like you said, I'd have to be really comfortable with them…know that no matter what happened, that they wouldn't turn on me and make me regret it. I'd hate myself if I were to ever regret my first time. And let's face it…it's gonna be awkward as hell, so it'll have to be someone I can laugh with, like we laugh when we're-" he began, but realizing the track of the conversation, he paused, seeking Jeff's eyes. Then he grinned. "So, looks like you and I will be 40 year old virgins!" and they both laughed out loud, blushing.
"Do you trust me, Blaine?" Jeff asked.
"Dude, you know I do. With my life, man."
"Ok, trust me for a minute, then. Close your eyes and hold out your hands to the side, palms up." Jeff instructed. Blaine did as he was told. "Ok, keep them closed…" he said quietly.
"They're closed…what are you-" Blaine began, but stopped abruptly when he felt the softest, feathery touch against his lips. What the…? "Jeff…." He breathed out, only a whisper.
"Tell me to stop if you don't want to…if it's too weird." Jeff said softly, his mouth near Blaine's ear now. Jeff thought surely, any minute, he'd hear "this isn't what I want…." Or "we can't do this…" but instead he heard his name again…this time almost a plea.
"Jeff…" Blaine breathed out, turning his head, eyes still closed, searching out Jeff's lips.
The second contact was more….just….more. Softer, firmer, wetter….and then…tongue. They stood there, awkwardly at first, Blaine frozen, his arms still out to the side and Jeff's down at his sides. When Blaine was sure his head wouldn't explode, he pulled back slightly and rested his head on Jeff's shoulder.
"Oh my God…." Was all he was able to say, really. He was sort of in shock after all.
"Yeah…." Was Jeff's brilliant reply.
"I didn't know….never thought that…I mean…."
"Yeah…."
"Is that all I'm going to get out of you tonight?" Blaine snickered.
"Did you want more?" Jeff asked. Blaine suddenly realized maybe they weren't talking about the same thing.
"I was talking about you and your short responses…actually."
"Yeah…."
"And I don't think you were…."
"You didn't answer the question, either way."
"Tell me what you want, then?" Blaine said, unsure.
"I want it over with…I want the questions and the innuendo out of the way…I want it with someone special to me, someone I trust implicitly, someone who trusts me back. I want it with someone who will never, ever make me regret my choice. I want to feel special, important, loved, safe….most of all, safe."
"Is that something I can give you?"
"I could ask you the same….you'd be a big player in this game, Blaine. I need to know what you want as well."
"I don't think I could put it any better or more clearly than you have, Jeff…." Blaine said, his head still resting on Jeff's chest. They'd begun a swaying motion, as if dancing, but there was no music. "What I really want, though…"
"Yeah?" Jeff chuckled.
"I really want you to kiss me again…I think that would help me to make up my mind."
"I'd like that, too." Jeff said, leaning down to capture Blaine's lips again. Hands moved this time, though. Blaine's were at Jeff's neck and Jeff's were roaming freely…one hand on Blaine's lower back, one in the hair at his neck.
It wasn't a conscious choice, really, for either of them. They took the idea planted in their minds and sort of rolled with it. Kisses while standing turned into kisses while sitting on the bed, leaning against the wall. Those led to kisses while laying down, but they both quickly realized they were still in their suits, minus the jackets which had been shed early on.
Blaine realized, as they both stood to shed dress shirts, ties and pants, that this was the definitive moment. If things stopped here, it wasn't meant to happen. If suddenly one or both became shy, reserved, unsure, then it stopped here. He met eyes with Jeff, unsure where to go at that point.
"Blaine?" Was all he said, eyes pleading for an answer…yes or no…doesn't matter to me if you've changed your mind, we're good…just…yes or no….
Blaine nodded his head yes. There were no admissions of love, no words of devotion and no pledges of 'never anyone else' made. There was, however, patience, understanding and safety….above all, safety. They had the freedom to make mistakes, laugh, joke, groan and complain without the fear of hurting feelings or making each other uncomfortable.
It was sweaty and awkward. It was messy with all the lube and awkward with not knowing where things needed to be and how to get there. The lack of previous intimacy in the form of …well, anything at all…was different. Both had assumed that there would probably first be grinding, hand jobs, probably blowjobs, etc before ever getting to this point with anyone, but that's not the way it played out.
For Blaine, slipping his fingers inside his best friend was the only time he felt his nerves lock down. This wasn't something he'd ever thought of, not even when they'd decided to do this…it had never crossed his mind, and his hands shook badly to the point where he paused, for the first time, unsure.
"B?"
"'S ok…just…be still, alright. I'm terrified I'm going to hurt you."
"You won't…I know you. You'd sooner hurt yourself."
"I would…yes." He said, blushing, but lubing up fingers and slipping one in slowly. The sight of Jeff's back arching from the bed was more erotic to him than he thought it probably should be, but the knowledge that he was doing that…that he caused the reaction... was heady, and he pushed on.
Striking Jeff's prostate for the first time was another 'moment' that wiped him out, mentally. Hearing his friend babble incoherently because he moved his fingers a certain way was a powerful thing…and it made him twitch…ready…fill and want.
"B-Blaine….please…." Jeff whined, after Blaine had reached three fingers and readied the way. He was nervous now…so unbelievably nervous. "Please, just do it. Not that I'm not trying to be romantic or something, but damn it, just fuck me because I'm about to explode!" Jeff panted. Blaine was glad for the bluntness of Jeff's statement. It took the pressure off…
"God, I'm sorry if I hurt you…" Blaine said, lining up and slowly pushing in. He thought Jeff might cry with the way he grasped the sheets so harshly. Clearly this wasn't something pleasurable the first time, but he pressed on. When he saw Jeff wince in pain, he instinctively reached up and grasped his half hard cock and gave it a few tentative strokes, unsure if Jeff would object. This…this is what was missing, he thought. Why don't I know this? I don't know if this boy beneath me will object to my jerking him off during sex…..but I know he won't make me feel stupid for doing something…safety.
"B…move….please…."
And so he did. Being inside another man….Jesus…this was…odd. It was slick, it was tight and it was warm, and hell yeah, it felt amazing. Jeff, however, was still cringing at every move, so Blaine took it slow.
"Jeff, if you want me to stop, if you need me to do something…anything different, just tell me, ok? I don't want to hurt you…I don't want that to be your memory of this night. Please…" Blaine pleaded.
"Is ok, B….doing good…just…um…can I borrow your hand again, because I'm not letting go of the sheets. I'm pretty sure they're the only thing keeping me grounded here." Jeff chuckled.
"Oh! Yeah… yes, ok!" Blaine laughed. He resumed his tentative stroking, making sure to keep up with the rhythm of his own thrusts, watching as Jeff's eyes squeezed closed a little tighter when he pushed inside. At some point he grabbed a pillow and shoved it beneath Jeff's hips, tilting him up a bit further hoping it would make things more comfortable for them both…it seemed to help some, at least for Jeff anyway, as apparently Blaine was hitting him perfectly with each thrust now. It felt like forever and no time at all before he felt that familiar heat coiling in his belly and wondered how that'd happened. How was he near to coming apart inside his best friend? And on that note, his best friend was now chanting his name and begging him, out loud, not to stop stroking him.
"Blaine….Blaine… so close...please…please…." He uttered over and over again as Blaine maneuvered his hips to strike the right spot inside Jeff several times.
When Blaine finally felt himself tip over the edge, he doubled his efforts with his fist and wondered if he was feeling what he should be feeling when he watched his blonde best friend erupt all over his hand and then his own chest and come back down to earth without ever having opened his eyes once.
Blaine woke the next morning still wrapped around Jeff, but this was nothing new. What was new was that they were both naked as the day they were born. Blaine always knew Jeff had an amazing body, but this was the first time he'd been allowed to look without feeling like a complete creep. Ok, scratch that, he still felt like a creep.
When he felt Jeff stir beside him, his first instinct was to act like he was still sleeping, unsure of what the conversation would be and if he could stand it. So he did…he closed his eyes and feigned sleep.
Jeff adjusted, groaned and adjusted again. More groaning. Blaine smiled, unable to help himself.
"You think that's funny, Anderson?" He heard Jeff ask. Blaine just chuckled. "All this time and who knew you had all that stuffed in those pants." Jeff said, making Blaine bust out laughing.
"Oh my God, Jeff….."
"I can't move, I'm so sore." Jeff complained. Blaine seemed to preen at his words, but Jeff had other plans.
"You know what…I don't really think we've had the whole experience, and since we've gotten to this point, we may as well finish the game. I mean, fair is fair, right?" Jeff asked, his tone haughty. Blaine just looked at him questioningly. "If I limp all weekend, YOU limp all weekend, roll over." He said, smacking Blaine's ass and noticing as his half hard cock twitched as he did so. "Oh, so that's how it is?"
Blaine turned 8 shades of red, but realized Jeff was right. Turnabout was fair play…and why not, now? They'd already taken the plunge, so why not know how the other side felt?
Early April, Junior year
Sex happened a handful of times between the Winter Formal and Spring Break, but nothing else. There were no blow jobs, no cute little kisses in the hallway, no sneaking off to be alone. Nighttime seemed to bring on 'permission' and they ran with it on a rare occasion, but both knew it wasn't "it". This wasn't the love of a lifetime…it was 'friends', it was fun for now, it was safe. Regardless, Jeff knew he'd made the right decision. Sex with Blaine was always good. Blaine was gentle, he was caring and he was always asking Jeff if he was ok. He never pushed for anything more. He never asked for anything he thought Jeff wouldn't be ok with. Jeff couldn't have picked a better person to be his first lover. Nobody would ever convince him otherwise.
Jeff began having second thoughts when he overheard a conversation in the library one day that he was certain he wasn't meant to hear. Then his guilt kicked back in. Two boys he knew by sight but not by name were having a heated talk, and he was one of the main characters in their tale.
"I'm just saying, maybe they're just roommates, you don't know!"
"Well what am I supposed to do, ask him? Hey Blaine, I know you might possibly be screwing / dating / in love with your Dalton roommate, but I just wanted to check…you know, even though you and I have never had a single conversation or anything! Whatever…."
"Then stop bitching about wanting him…all you do is go on and on about how you wish you could ask him out…well, then do it. If he's taken, he'll say so, if he's not, then you swoop in and make sure nobody else has the chance to shove you out of line!"
"You know I can't…saying I'm shy is an understatement, and how the hell would I feel if I were Sterling and someone swooped in to try and take the guy I was in love with?"
"Oh, so now they're in love. One minute we're unsure if they're just roommates or not, and now we're sure they're in love. Whatever, man, just shit or get off the pot!
"Classy…very classy."
"I'm just saying…"
Jeff watched them pack up their bags as they talked and then head toward the exit. He flopped down in a comfortable, overstuffed chair and closed his eyes, thinking of a hundred things at once…and nothing at all at the same time. What kind of mess had he dragged Blaine into? He was holding him back now, and he saw it clearly. Maybe Blaine wanted to date someone, and he didn't say a word because he knew Jeff depended on him so much. And for that matter, did he want to date someone else, too?
They had never said the words in terms of real, romantic love, but Jeff knew, without a doubt, that Blaine loved him. There was no question. He loved Blaine and Blaine loved him. Nobody would convince him otherwise. But they weren't 'in love' with each other by any means.
Jeff sat in that chair for a long time, thinking, working things out in his head and hoping for the best. Blaine had been there for him every step of the way for the past 8 months. They'd talked about things until they were both blue in the face. Blaine had given him every reason to believe that he was not to blame for that boy's death. He had given Jeff countless hours of his time and his patience and built him back up to the boy he was before any of this nightmare had ever happened, and for that, Jeff was eternally grateful. In return….well, Jeff would give him his freedom. After all, he thought, as the saying goes, if you love something, set it free. And he loved Blaine with his whole heart. Blaine was his best friend, and there wasn't one better.
A week later they lay in bed together, Blaine wide awake behind Jeff just smoothing a finger up his arm absently. Jeff had made a point of finding out more about the boys he'd seen in the library, and it was time to put his information to good use.
"Hey B….you know that kid who has Trig with Thad…what's his name…Garrett something or other?" Jeff asked.
"Yeah, I think so…the one with the light brown hair who sits with Daniel at lunch all the time?"
"Yeah, he's the one. What do you think of him?"
Blaine was silent for a few minutes, smiling behind Jeff, unsure where this was going.
"I dunno, I don't know much about him. Do you? He seems like a nice guy, but I've never talked to him or anything except in a group setting." Blaine commented.
"Do you think he's cute? I like the way he always wears his tie tied just a little differently than everyone else…and he'll have a pin or something on his lapel, like he's snubbing the dress code." Jeff laughed.
"I guess…he's cute, yeah. Why are you asking me this?"
"He likes you…he wants to ask you out, but he's afraid to…..because of me. I want you to go out with him, B." Jeff said, quietly, knowing it was past curfew and everyone was most likely sleeping.
"Wait…ok, what? Are we seriously lying in bed together and you're telling me to ask someone else out?" Blaine laughed. Jeff sat up and propped himself on the headboard. He gave Blaine a warm smile and cupped his cheek in his hand.
"Blaine….." he said, so much love and respect in his eyes. "It's time. You have been the most amazing friend to me…a patient and gentle lover…the bright spot in my day for years now. But we both know this isn't what we're meant to be. We're not desperately in love, groping in the lunch line, hiding in janitor's closets to get one more taste of each other. We're friends…we're BEST friends, and what we have is something nobody in our lives will ever replace or take away. But that's all we should be. Am I wrong?" Jeff asked, still with a small, crooked smile on his face. Blaine wasn't sure what to say.
"You're not wrong…." Blaine finally said after what felt like an eternity. He returned Jeff's smile and leaned in to hug him, resting his head on Jeff's chest. "You'll always be my best friend, Jeff….always. And I will always reserve the right to snuggle on occasion, because let's face it, you are the freakin' king of all snugglers." He laughed. Jeff hugged him back with tears in his eyes and they fell asleep together, holding on tightly, but for the last time in the same bed that school year.
Late May, Junior year
"So these came today…." Jeff said, holding up the cards that were slipped under their door. Each held their room number, one had Jeff's name and the other Blaine's. "We'll be Seniors. That means we get to decide to shuffle or stay, man. You want me back or you want someone new?" Jeff laughed. "No hard feelings, ok? Be honest."
"No question on my part, but it's your call. I know it might be odd…." Blaine said, trailing off as he hung up his tie in the closet.
"Then it's decided." Jeff smiled. "I'll see you back here in September, roomie." He said, slapping Blaine on the back.
September, Senior year
It wasn't weird, it wasn't odd, it wasn't unpleasant in any way. They were way too comfortable together in every aspect to let anything come between them. The only hitch in the road came when Gavel went missing and that damn Wes came to terrorize every Warbler, insisting that one of them had stolen and hidden her. When he upended Jeff's fishbowl onto his bed and soaked it through, the two boys just looked at each other and shrugged. Wasn't the first time they'd share a bed…probably wouldn't be the last. Circumstances were just different this time. But nobody else had to know that.