Okay, this ran a bit longer than I had anticipated to the next chapter picks up at one of my favorite places on their trip.
Listening to Josh Groban while writing tonight - because he's an angel and a nerd.
I haven't disclaimed lately but I find it unnecessary because someone would have to be desperate for attention or my stash of 80's baseball cards (all commons) to sue me.
DAY FOUR – SALT LAKE CITY
Paige was a Tasmanian devil of activity when they got back to the hotel. She had so much to do, that's what she told herself anyway.
As a little girl she enjoyed lazing in the summer sun too much, at least by her mom's standards, so she heard the phrase "idle hands are the Devil's workshop" several times a week during vacation from school. Never have those words been truer than now because Paige cannot and will not allow herself to become idle around Emily – not her mind and certainly NOT her hands. Nope, she had resolved just minutes ago those hands of hers would stay in any pocket she could find for the duration of the trip. Pants pockets. Jacket pockets. Hot Pockets. Polly Pockets. If a nearby kangaroo was the only option…well, put it this way: she would willingly cause an international incident and draw the ire of the population of Australia if violating a kangaroo pouch was all that stood between her hands and Emily's silky locks. PETA and Oz be damned.
Nope, no matter the cost her hands would not become idle if she had anything to say about it.
Keeping her hands idle is a much smaller task, unfortunately, because it was her head and her heart she wished she could stop. After the morning's death-defying stunts caused Emily such grief Paige's protective instincts were on overload. She wanted to put plastic plugs in the electrical outlets. She wanted to put padding on every sharp corner. All these feelings were rushing back in a tsunami of emotion and it felt like her brain was five minutes from short-circuiting. Three days was all it took and she was a goner. Again.
To distract herself from staring at Emily as she towel-dried her hair after a shower Paige was hard at work planning their route for the next day. Her dad's itinerary leads them through northern Utah and into Wyoming but Paige wasn't wild about couple days along that route. She longs to get into the Colorado mountains and her favorite place in the Rockies was just a day's drive away. If they committed to an eight or nine hour push they'd reach Frisco, Colorado in the late afternoon tomorrow, just in time to get a room and be up early the next morning for some mountain adventures. Just the idea of taking her bike on a mountain path full of rocks and mud while she dodges pine trees and jumps creek beds makes her heart pound.
When she was young Paige's family would gather in Breckenridge, Colorado over the holidays to ski, shop and drink wine (or hot chocolate, depending on their age). From her first glance at the mountains Paige fell in love feeling like she'd come home after a long trip in the backseat of a compact car. Her irritation and angst peeled away the moment her parent's rental car hit the foothills on I-70. No matter her problems or frustrations she felt like a new person in the mountains. To this day, it was the same for her and she longed to show Emily that side of her and the place she loved above all others.
Paige had a bit of hesitation only because she didn't know if Emily would respond to the high country as she did. The air is thin. The roads twist and turn alongside thousand foot drops. The weather changes at the drop of a dime. Once upon a time Emily would have loved the area simply because it meant so much to Paige…but now? She wasn't so sure – but she has a feeling fate owes her one.
Paige wakes up in the best mood she could remember because her dreams were of powder blue skies and rustling pines. She feels invigorated and they still had a day's long drive in front of them. No matter, though – Paige was close to heaven and she could feel it in her bones.
Her joy and excitement to get going is so overwhelming she just can't keep herself in bed. She throws back her covers and leaps onto Emily's bed. Em herself was sleeping the rest of the dead, complete with bed head and drool on her pillowcase but it only took seconds for her to wake thanks to Paige's size nines jumping on her mattress.
"Get your ass moving, Fields! It's time to go!" Paige shouts, beaming with a grin that reaches from one ear to the other. Emily is taken aback by the abrupt wake-up call but in her semi-conscious state she still takes note of Paige's unbridled joy – something she gave up hope of ever seeing again. Outwardly her ex was always deliberate and contemplative and many people took that as moody and reclusive but Emily learned long ago Paige wasn't a snob, she was careful and her hurt always manifested itself in a hypercritical and calculated evaluation of herself. Emily couldn't be hard on Paige because she was hard enough on herself so when they found moments of joy Emily relished them.
Like this early morning, unexpected surprise. This is the way it should be, she thinks – bearing witness to the unchecked joy of the woman she loves. That word. Oh hell, why now? Emily never denied she still loved Paige but seeing this gift just solidifies in her mind the wait will be worth it. God help her, this goofball is the love of her life.
As much as Emily is enjoying the show it occurs to her that Paige might make this early riser thing a habit. Regretfully Emily yanks the sheet from under Paige causing her to slip and execute a belly flop onto the top of the bed. Paige lands at Emily's uncovered feet, giggling – giggling? – and gasping for breath.
"Haven't you ever heard of an alarm clock, McCullers?" Emily tries to look reproachful but fails miserably. Paige grins and cocks her head. Emily is a total crab in the morning but her crankiness can't snuff Paige's excitement – after all, Cranky Pants Emily gets her every time. "I got all the alarm clocking I need up here," Paige says with a wink and a poke to her temple.
"You have lost it. Did some kind of Mormon offshoot come and fry your brain last night? Do you have oxygen deprivation from the altitude?" Emily tries to formulate more outrageous scenarios to explain Paige's behavior but her brain grinds to a sudden halt. She looks down and sees Paige slowly running her fingers over her legs and feet. Her face still reflects joy but Emily recognizes another expression she thought was lost: reverence.
Emily was sometimes embarrassed by Paige's awe when they were together. On one hand, sure, it was awesome to be loved that much; but on the other hand it was hard get Paige to realize she felt the same in return. Her frustration never came to the forefront until Paige announced she was leaving for Santa Barbara for college. What a wicked fight they had. In the interim, she came to peace with Paige's decision but even with the distance in both miles and hearts she never gave up on Paige. Never. She did wonder if Paige had given up on her at some point, though. What did I do to drive her away? Emily really didn't know but if this morning was any indication it seemed she might get a second, third, 37th chance.
Enough with this introspective BS, focus on what's happening here and now, she thinks. Emily closes her eyes hoping to prolong the pleasure she feels from Paige's touch. Despite the discomfort of an accelerated heartbeat and thready breath she is greedy. She wants this love, this excitement, this goofball to never leave her again. Now just to get Paige to believe it.
While Emily sits quietly reflecting, Paige is purposely shutting off her mind. Her idle hands commitment only lasted a couple hours but she refuses to feel guilty. She runs her index finger up Emily's calf seeing how strong she's become with her intense training. Swimmers usually come in a couple body types and those builds usually reflect the athlete's specialty. Long distance swimmers are often lithe and long-limbed, able to pace themselves for bursts of speed in the home stretch – much like cross-country runners or cyclists. Sprinters, however, are bulls in a china shop – tall, aggressive and strong, the pool's answer to an NFL running back or a catcher in baseball.
Emily broke the mold, though. She has a lean, strong body built to leave competitors in the dust at any distance in the water. Still she was also unfailingly utterly feminine, able to carry herself with the same grace and confidence in social situations as she does on the pool deck. She is just classy and once upon a time Paige allowed herself to believe she was the opposite of everything Emily was. No more, though. She found herself at some point and now here she was, able to touch Emily with confidence and undisguised longing. She still worshipped Emily – and one would have to be blind or stupid not to feel something akin to adoration with those shoulders and sexy feet…whoa, sexy feet? They were cute feet, awesome feet, the world's most perfect feet, but she wasn't some kind of pervert. Jeesh, rein it in, Paige thinks.
She doesn't realize how much effort it would take to stop touching Emily but she does it, still irritated she has to stop at all. Emily's eyes snap open unable to conceal the desire in their depths. Paige takes a deep breath and stands up moving to her bed to arrange the pillows and sheets as a distraction.
"Sorry Em."
"It's okay. Actually it's more than okay."
Paige's head snaps back to Emily whose earnest smile freezes the air in her lungs.
"We can't," Paige sighs.
"Why not?"
Paige grabs her glasses from the nightstand and puts them on as she gathers all the electronics piled next to her bed. "Well, beyond the wrongness of it, we gotta get going, we gotta get on the road."
Emily squints in confusion. "Wrongness?"
"Yeah. We're different people now, we can't just jump back into this whole thing just like that." Paige stops when she realizes she needs to give Emily her full attention so she understands how she feels. She sits on her bed and looks at Emily dead on, her heart leaping at just the sight of her perfect face. Except for that damn eye tooth. How is it Emily's teeny tiny imperfections make her more perfect, Paige wonders.
It's love, you idiot. Always has been with Emily, probably always will be.
Paige sighs in frustration and rises to sit next to Emily who hasn't moved from her bed. Paige takes her pinky finger and lightly touches the end of Emily's nose. "What you do to me," she wonders out loud. Emily smiles and picks up Paige's hand to lightly kiss her fingers. She looks up at Paige and grins.
"Rain check? I totally reek and like you said, we need to go."
Paige is skeptical, she's afraid the moment is lost and it will be a lot of work to get back to this emotional place they find themselves in. "Are you sure?"
"Absolutely." Emily bounces up and grabs a towel hanging on a nearby chair. "We'll pick up right where we left off." Emily walks into the bathroom and cranks up the shower leaving Paige to wonder about what she means. Does Emily mean pick up their conversation or their entire relationship?
The more she thinks about it the more frustrated Paige gets. Screw my hands, she thinks, I wish I could stick my brain in my pockets.