I didn't realize I hadn't updated in a while. Sorry about that. Life gets in the way. I hope you like it - review or do whatever if you like. BTW, listening to a "Slow Dance" playlist tonight featuring folks like Lionel Richie, Tim McGraw, Coldplay and Alison Krauss. Color me eclectic.
DAY SIX – DENVER, PART TWO
Hamburger Mary's isn't your typical burger chain. Great food, fun atmosphere…sure. But "Drag Queen Bingo?" That alone got Paige and Liam's attention on one of their winter break pub crawls. Since then it's become one of their favorite eateries when Paige visits Denver and the pair want to introduce Emily to its 'charms'.
They enter and are immediately ushered to a table in a semi-quiet area of the bar. Liam just smiles so he must be a regular, Emily figures. A server hands them menus and rushes off with their drink orders – they walked so all three of them decide to get a beer bucket – six bottles of Coors Light for 10 bucks – and settle in for the night.
When their server returns she places the beer bucket and a t-shirt Paige requested on their table. "The beer is compliments of the girls at the bar," the server says. The trio looks to the bar and sees a couple girls, barely legal, hold up their glasses with a nod. Liam waves to them and Paige takes a big sigh in relief.
"What are you so happy about?" Liam asks.
"I am so not in the mood for chick drama tonight," Paige replies. "I'm hungry, I wanna drink beer and just hang out."
Emily readily nods in agreement. "We're not gonna be in town long enough to have whirlwind romances."
Liam knows that's not the real reason for the girls' disinterest but he figures he'll let it slide for now. Emily and Paige are quietly drinking their beers so he decides to break the silence.
"Hey, P-Mac, what's with the shirt?" he asks.
"Oh, I've been getting shirts along the way for Dad," Paige states. "That was his one request which is kinda weird but whatever, it hasn't been a big deal so far." She holds the purple shirt up, it's emblazoned with the Hamburger Mary's logo (a busty woman flying an airplane while holding a burger) on the front and the phrase, "Eat, Drink and Be…Mary!" on the back. Paige folds the shirt back up and places it back on the table as she speaks. "You should see the one I got in Breck. Emily saw it in this t-shirt shop and I was totally against it but what the hell, you live once."
Emily snickers. "Oh, it wasn't too hard to talk you into buying it." Paige smiles back and their eyes connect for a moment longer than they are ready for. Paige takes a long swallow of her beer and Emily blushes.
"What does it say?" says Liam.
The pair had forgotten their conversation for that one moment but Emily jumps in. "It says 'Dude, I think this whole town is high.' Then it says Breckenridge and the elevation. I couldn't let her out of the store without getting it. It's freakin' hilarious."
"I'm guessing Dad might not get the humor in it but I've always been one to bow to peer pressure," Paige says. She squints at Emily and reaches across the table to tap her nose. "You are always getting me into trouble."
The girls sit and look at each other as they drink and Liam finally picks up on their cute sexual tension. He knows he cannot tolerate their mushy saccharine sweetness all night so he pulls out his trump card in desperation.
"Do you know why Paige's nickname is P-Mac?" he asks Emily.
"Shit, Liam!" says Paige.
"It's an awesome story filled with intrigue, romance and…I don't know, other stuff." Liam notes to Emily. "And there's dancing!"
Paige drops her head to the table top causing Emily to burst out laughing. "With a teaser like that how can I resist, Li?"
Liam chugs the rest of his beer and wiggles his eyebrows at Paige, the international sign for "You're busted."
Paige returns a strained smile, saying "I hate your guts, brownie boy."
When they finished dinner and several beer buckets the trio returns to Liam's loft feeling very little pain. Liam has meetings the next morning so he excuses himself and goes straight to bed. The girls elect to sit out on the deck and take in the amazing view of the sparkling Denver skyline.
Not a fan of awkward silences, Paige says,"Nice night."
"Yup."
That was effective, Paige thinks. They continue to stare over the city streets. They are high enough that cars and occasional shouts barely reach their ears. The quasi-peace is nice and allows them to process the day.
"Is that story Liam told true? About you wanting to be the fourth member of TLC?" says Emily.
Paige sighs and nods, still embarrassed that Liam so casually told Emily and half of the bar Paige's deepest, darkest secret. "He exaggerates. And besides, I was, like, four or five years old. I thought they were cool."
Emily flops against the back of the lounge chair she's in. "I'm not arguing with that part – but, really? You had about as much chance of being an R&B superstar as I had to play lead guitar for Metallica."
"Did you want to?"
"What?"
"Play lead guitar for Metallica?"
"No."
"That's a weird example, then."
"Jeez, Paige, that's so not the point."
"What is the point?"
Emily rests her arms behind her head and closes her eyes. She smiles and lets out a small chuckle. "It's absolutely adorable, picturing you dancing to 'No Scrubs.'"
Paige hears the genuine affection in Emily's voice and can't help but smile herself. In reality she never thought this secret was particularly bad but she isn't exactly the poster child for baggage. Once she came out she really had very little to hide. Especially from Emily.
"I actually liked 'What About Your Friends' more," murmurs Paige.
Once again Emily snickers in delight. "Ha, you did!? Isn't that video the one when Left Eye has a condom in the eyepiece of her glasses?"
"Yeah."
"That couldn't have been cool with Nick," Emily guesses.
"He didn't care, or maybe he didn't know. I always thought it was a lollipop anyway."
"Oh Paige, you didn't?!"
Paige shrugs. "I was clueless, okay?"
Paige's naïveté always mystified Emily. She was not a stupid person yet some of the stories she heard through the years made her wonder how Paige ever figured out she was gay, much less had the strength to come out in the first place. Those silly stories and quips always tugged at Emily's heart, her typical reaction to just how sweet Paige was and still is.
The girls lapse into silence again, breathing the fresh air and finally comfortable with the silence. Paige looks back to see Emily's long lashes flutter in exhaustion. "Hey now, don't go falling asleep. I may look buff but there's no way I can carry you to your bed."
Emily starts in confusion. "My bed?"
"Yeah. I was gonna take the couch. It's no big deal, you will need the rest, especially after putting away that much beer tonight," says Paige.
"Don't you wanna sleep with me?"
Paige loses her breath for a moment. "Emily, that's out of the question."
"No it's not. We've done it before, lots of times."
Emily's sleepy argument dredges up a lot of feelings Paige didn't want to face. At least tonight. On this deck. With Emily so adorably sleepy and candid. A huge part of Paige wanted to give in, tell Emily everything she wanted to know and beg her to start over. Just as that urge registers Paige pulls back. Aspiring to be in TLC – that was no big secret – but being completely forthright might put circumstances into motion Paige wasn't ready for.
After a few moments Paige says, "That was a long time ago and under totally different circumstances."
"It's not so different. We already talked about it a couple days ago, it's not like this thing between us is news. And don't pretend you haven't been thinking about it."
Paige feels her restraint starting to crumble. "I have, but I just..."
"You don't feel the way I do." Her whispered suspicion leaves Paige thunderstruck but Emily is too keyed up to notice. "It's okay, I understand, I guess. I mean, I don't understand it but there's not much I can do about it now. I do have one question, though."
Here it comes, Paige thinks. "What's that?"
"When did you stop? Loving me? Was there a day or a situation or did I say something? I've been trying for so long to figure it out but I can't and, I don't know, I feel like I need to know before I can...move on, I guess." The despair is evident in Emily's voice but Paige forces herself to concentrate on ignoring her galloping heart begging her to level with Emily. "But right now there's this thing that pulls at me wondering just what happened and if there's something I can do to fix it because I need you in my life, Paige."
"Emily –"
Feeling a tiny buzz Emily finally understood why they referred to alcohol as liquid courage leading her to determinedly forge ahead with thoughts she didn't normally have the guts to air. "No, let me finish. I need you and that's that. When you left you didn't just take away my girlfriend, you took away my best friend and the person who believed in me most. I miss that. I miss you. So please? Tell me what I did."
She can't take it anymore. The truth needed to come to light, it was exhausting keeping the truth from Emily and Paige just didn't think she had the strength to hide it anymore. "Em, you didn't do anything. You don't need to fix anything. You are - perfect, just the way you are."
Emily snorts in frustration. "Don't say that."
"Why?"
"Because it's not true. You've always put me on this pedestal and while it's flattering, it's not real."
Paige looks hard at Emily trying to decide if she has an out. "You sound awful sober," she says.
"I sober up fast," Emily replies.
"That's new."
"That's growing up." Emily sighs. "Dammit, you changed the subject on me. You're really good at that."
Paige's signature, non-committal shrug appears again. "Not purposefully. Well, not, like, consciously anyway. I just don't know what you want me to say."
Sounding almost childlike, Emily stubbornly forges ahead. "I want you to tell the truth. That's what I've always wanted."
Left with no other options Paige feels her resistance crash to her feet. She looks down convinced she'll see a literal pile on the floor below her but all she sees nicked-up Nikes. "Fine. You never did anything to make me stop loving you because I didn't. I haven't," Paige confesses.
Emily wasn't expecting this. "No?"
"No."
Sheer confusion echoes in Emily's voice. "I don't understand, then. If you loved me why did you still leave me? After everything we'd been through? We fought so hard to stay together, we literally fought the world and we won. We finally had the peace we wanted and then you were gone. It doesn't make sense."
"I know."
Silence lapses over the pair again. Paige desperately wants to rid them of this constant, nagging awkwardness. She loves Emily and is tired of fighting this internal corner she painted herself into. The unbearable quiet continues so Paige takes Emily's silence as an invitation to continue. She takes a deep breath and starts to own up.
"I just don't know where to start. We were away from home, so happy and it was great at first. But, I dunno, things just started to change. You got busy and I felt…" Building the courage to face Emily, Paige turns to see she's fallen fast asleep. "Aw, hell, Em."
Paige bends then strains to lift Emily from the lounger and is able to finally get a good grip under her as she turns toward the door leading back to the apartment. Emily instinctively snuggles closer to Paige's warm embrace as they move. The door opens awkwardly and as she carries Emily toward the guest bedroom Paige snickers. "I hate to say it, baby, but you gotta start exercising again because the thin air isn't the only reason why I'm struggling here. You're getting fatter." Emily lets out a snore and Paige chuckles at the odd ending to the night, relieved yet saddened by the abrupt ending her to confession.
"You always have to get the last word."