DES MOINES
The girls made great time on their drive that day. While taking some rare time in the passenger seat Paige discovered her dad not only recommended, but demanded (in large red letters) they get the breakfast cinnamon rolls at the Machine Shed in Urbandale. Emily thought this would be great since they really hadn't had a decent breakfast their entire trip. They agreed to make it an early night and after breakfast the next morning continue down the road, maybe saving a few hours of driving time along the way.
A bike ride was the perfect prescription for a tension-filled day. Paige looked up a bike trail that circuited a lake in Des Moines and it seemed to be the happening spot in town. Families of all types were playing ultimate Frisbee or picnicking or just enjoying the early evening breeze blowing though green tall oak trees. In about an hour the sunset was going to be spectacular, Paige hoped.
As the pair completed a circuit of the lake Paige suddenly threw on her brakes and stopped. Emily didn't expect to keep up with her for the ride so she slowed to a stop soon after. Glancing at Paige, Emily recognized the entranced expression on Paige's face as she looked across the bike trail at a gathering of people dressed to the nines and seated in chairs facing an archway covered in lilies and ivy. A man with glasses and a receding hairline was dressed formal tails as he stood at the front of group, surrounded by half a dozen men and women also dressed formally in either black tuxedos or black formal dresses. A portly man with expensive camera equipment was running around the group like a kid on caffeine, snapping pictures the entire time.
Emily caught movement to her right, just in time to see a shorter man dressed in tails arm-in-arm with a woman in her 60's proceeding up the aisle between the chairs. A string quartet playing off to the side as the couple walked slowly toward the front, coming to a stop as the music faded out.
Oh, it's a wedding, Emily thinks.
The woman and man were each beaming smiles that could light a small country during an eclipse as the minister announced, "Who gives this man to be united in holy matrimony to this man?" The woman smiles and says, "I do in memory of his father." She smiles, gives both men a kiss and finds her seat at the front of the assembly. Everyone sits and the service proceeds.
Oh wow. Coming across, of all things, a gay wedding takes Emily's breath away. As a little girl she always pictured herself in a fluffy white gown guided down the aisle by her dad in his Army dress blues. She remembers thumbing through bridal magazines and teasing her friends about the horrific bridesmaid dresses she'd make them wear.
The older she got, however, the more she pushed the idea out of her head. A white wedding with all the pomp and circumstance she could squeeze into it just wasn't in the cards for her.
Still, times were changing - so many states allowed people like her to get married. To Emily, that word was important. She didn't want a commitment ceremony, she didn't want a civil union - she wanted a marriage with a wife and kids and a house. Maybe a dog - - no, dogs are messy and way too needy, maybe a cat. Or a bunch of goldfish. Emily shakes her head to clear the idea of pets from her mind as she looks on at the ceremony. The word 'marriage' is important just like having a 'wife', not a partner, not a girlfriend is important. The life she'd have the next day and every day after was what she wanted.
And she wanted it with Paige.
She glances toward the object of her thoughts and is blown away by the tears streaming down Paige's face, unchecked by embarrassed hands or hidden by a pair of sunglasses. It's as if Paige is seeing something miraculous for the first time, like a part of her that was always closed was now opening and all at once she felt agonizing pain and joyful revelation.
Emily slowly walks up to Paige and tenderly wipes her tears away with her index finger. If anyone one else had seen this Emily is sure Paige would have turned away – but they are Paige and Emily, vulnerability and a lack of pretense was just their thing.
Paige takes a deep breath and finally allows her gaze to meet Emily's, whose face is creased in concern. An explanation is in order and she wanted desperately to choose her words carefully because this, more than anything, had to be right.
"My mom has this cedar chest in her bedroom. Everything she values a lot goes into it. Her cheerleading sweater from high school. Some pillow cases my grandma cross-stitched on before she died. My report cards – the good ones, anyway. When I was little I always pulled everything out of it and I begged her to tell me stories about what the things were, how old they were, that sort of thing.
"The one thing inside the chest that meant more to her than anything was her wedding dress. She had it wrapped so carefully but each time I asked – and it was a lot – she would pull it out, unfold it on her bed and just stare at it.
"When I told my mom and dad I was gay it went really well considering but I remember one night when I was looking for my mom. I found her in her bedroom just staring at that same wedding dress on her bed. I walked in but stopped when I realized she was crying. She looked like the joy had been drained from her and I realized it was because I would never wear her dress or one of my own. She would never be the mother of the bride and my dad would never give me away. I would never have a husband and I would never be someone's wife and all the dreams she had about weddings and babies and baptisms would never come true. Her life was now so different than she wanted and it was my fault.
"We talked about it later and she gave me the whole supportive Mom jag, saying she 'just wanted me to be happy' but I could tell it bothered her.
"I know people do commitment ceremonies and stuff all the time but I never thought it was truly the same thing as standing in front of God and the whole world with the person you love. And look. Look at all these happy people, dressed up and smiling as two guys walk down the aisle to marry each other. Legally. Just like everyone else. I …"
Emily cannot keep the emotions building up inside her from bursting out. She cradles Paige's face, wiping her tears away before capturing her lips in a gentle kiss, a kiss of old and new, of pent up emotion and hope and fear. They both hold back fearing any movement will jinx this perfect moment of bliss, this sort of homecoming.