Okay, it's been a LONG, LONG time. How's it going?
The reasons for my way-longer-than-a-pause are pretty extensive. I have a history of extreme depression in my family and mine finally became too much for me to deal with about three years ago. I started a course of anti-depressants and therapy after my mom's cancer diagnosis was amped up to "There's nothing else we can do". I was, am and will always be devastated by it. So I pretty much put my life on hold to help her try and be as productive as she could be, including taking care of her for the last almost-year she was alive. I have to say I'm very surprised I did it. I never believed I was strong enough but I did.
She passed away in May 2018. Since then I've been horribly depressed-just walking through my days with no real direction. (Of course Trump doesn't help either.) I struggled with my moods and very deeply down days. I still have them but I've come to the place where I couldn't tread water anymore - life is for the living and I wasn't doing that.
I've made some pretty drastic changes over the past few months and I can say without reservation that I'm finally getting better. My moods vacillate a lot but I'm working my ass off to be more self-aware of how to channel my anger and sadness.
There's really nothing sweeter in life than feeling pure, absolute joy and I'm feeling it in small doses for the first time in ages. I miss my mom like hell, I'm nowhere close to being where and who I want to be but I'm on the road and it feels damn good.
How does this relate to this story? For ages it's bothered me that I left it unfinished. In my head I was done (mapped out and so forth) but I absolutely HATE leaving things hanging. I hope you can understand that I just couldn't do it, I couldn't revisit these two goofs in the same way after my world collapsed (and also after what they did to them on the show).
Flash forward to now. I think I'm at the point of putting words on "paper" again. I still fight the feeling that this story sucks and is a waste of time but at least it's a fight and not a foregone conclusion, you know? I'm so happy to being back to Paily. I truly missed them so and still do. As a fan I can give them a tiny happily ever after, even if I'm the only one who reads it or gives a crap about it anymore. If you're in the same boat, however, thanks for sticking with me and with them.
(Sorry if my verb tense shifts. Like I said, I'm trying.)
One would think after such an emotional reconnection Emily and Paige would just pick up where they left off, right? Isn't that the way it works?
Come on now - don't be silly. So many lifetimes have passed them by in four years. Their personal endgame has shifted a thousand times and this particular situation, though wished for, is still an adjustment.
After heading back to their hotel and readying for a good night's sleep, too many words and feelings surfaced in such a sudden time that they quietly decided (and by quietly meaning 'We are SO not talking about this') to get a pizza and watch That's 70's Show re-runs on TV. Sleep came quickly for them and bellies full of heartburn and confusion made for a restless slumber.
The next morning not much had changed. Confusion reigned but luckily Nick's itinerary saved the day - the girls' next destination was to get these cinnamon rolls he wanted them to try (written in red letters, you know, so it's very important). Frankly, he wasn't wrong. These aren't cinnamon rolls, they're almost a carbohydrate mission statement. You need a freakin' steak knife to eat them right. And the girls did. With gusto. Sweet, buttery icing on warm cinnamon-laced bread mandates it.
After breakfast and back on the road it only took an hour or two for Emily, then Paige, to learn their mistake. Sugar and carb crashes are bad news when traveling at 75 miles an hour - and no amount of 5-Hour Energy Drink or coffee can hold off a sugar crash of this magnitude. Knowing a stop would mess up their schedule kept them driving for a bit but when Iowa City reared it's head about two hours down the road, the temptation to just GET OUT of the car was too much. Emily yanked the steering wheel toward the exit and Paige was in no mood to argue with her.
Being in the home of the University of Iowa has it's drawbacks. Crazy gameday tailgating. Kids with backpacks darting between cars in traffic. Black and Gold everywhere. But since the school year had recently ended the town is calm, much to Emily and Paige's liking. It doesn't take them long to find the swimming facility on campus and for reasons of their own they park nearby and fall immediately asleep.
Tap, tap, tap!
Silence.
Tap, tap, tap.
Emily raises her backrest on the driver's seat and makes out a campus safety officer tapping on their window. She rolls down the glass and tries to look...normal.
"Hello, sir. Are we doing something wrong?" she asks.
"Yes, ma'am, you are parked in a permit only section of the lot. I'm going to have to ask you to move along."
Paige is now awake, barely, but rubbing at her eyes in confusion and a bit of temper. "Aw, c'mon man, we're tired," she says.
"I understand but we have a very strict policy against vagrancy and I need you to leave this lot," he replies.
"Vagrancy," Emily asks. "You think we're homeless? Or hobos? Like, that kind of vagrancy?"
"Dude, look at her," Paige replies - already drooping from the interruption to her nap. "She's too hot to be a hobo. And aren't hobos on trains?"
"I'm too tired to point out how sweet that is," Emily states, "Or to mention that hot could mean good looking or it could mean I'm sticking to the upholstery on this seat because of the temperature and maybe that's what you meant..."
The officer's annoyed sigh interrupts Paige and Emily's short moment of candor. They look over and see him rub his forehead. "Look, maybe I didn't word it right but I need you move your vehicle to someplace other than where you are now..."
Emily is almost up-to-speed so she tries to lay on the charm. "Thank you, sir, I understand. It's just that we needed to stop for some rest on our way home to Pennsylvania. And being that we're young, and I'm evidently 'hot', we figured this would be a safe place for us to rest for a while before heading home again."
"You're from Pennsylvania? Where are you coming from?"
"California," says Emily. "I was a swimmer at San Jose State and, well, pools are kind of comforting for me."
The officer gestures to Paige. "Oh. Well what's her deal?"
"I transferred," she simply states.
The officer sighs again and Emily knows they got him. "Okay ladies, here's the deal. You both look a little loopy so demanding you get on the road would be pretty ill-considered on my part. So I'll let you rest but if you're still here after a few hours I'll make sure you are back on the road, whether you want to be or not. Got it?"
"Yes sir," Emily says.
"So you two hot girls get some rest and get back on the road asap. Drive carefully." The officer backs away and gets into his security team golf cart and drives away.
As he drives away Emily laughs. "He said 'you two hot girls'. I'm offended." She turns to Paige who has already fallen back to sleep. Emily's smile fades and her brows draw in tightly as she says, "'I transferred'" she whispers. "What the hell does that mean?"
The need to put the never-ending puzzle of that which is Paige McCullers is overcome by exhaustion so the thought leaves her quickly. She reclines her driver's seat and falls asleep again.
Short but sweet - oh, and HAWKS BY A MILLION. Just look at my username if you need guidance.