CHAPTER 2 - Sex Machine

Gibbs leaned forward and snarled, "Do you want to be a leader or not?"

Seriously annoyed at the way Gibbs was getting in his face, Tony snapped, "You mean, do I want to be you?"

Of course he didn't want to be Gibbs, even if he had been unfailingly committed to the man for the past fifteen years – including all those occasions when Gibbs had been a selfish, closed-off, reckless hard-ass. Tony had always felt there was a connection between them; maybe it was unspoken but it was definitely there. Now that it had soured, he felt like a stand-in who had waited in the wings for years, hoping for a chance at a starring role that never materialized.

These feelings he had for Gibbs, the way he was drawn to him even in the worst of times, wasn't something Tony could easily explain. It wasn't blind infatuation, not really. He could see Gibbs, with all his faults and foibles. He understood him, how he'd been molded by his upbringing, by the tragic death of his wife and child, and by the battlefield injury that had abruptly caused the end of his career as a Marine. He cared about Gibbs, and maybe, just maybe he had even lost a little bit of his heart to him, but there were still times, like now, when he didn't like him very much.

Tony had been attracted to Gibbs right from the start – damn, those blue eyes – who wouldn't be? When Gibbs gave you one of those hard looks, stared deeply into your eyes, as if he was diving into your very soul and trying to find out your deep, dark secrets, most people backed away, shaken. Not so with Tony. Nope, the first time he'd met that Gibbs-glare halfway, and had done his level best to see what was hiding in the depths of Gibbs' eyes, he'd seen them widen a little. Gibbs had barked out a laugh, as if Tony had surprised him – in a good way. Of course, a moment later, that Gibbs-grin was followed up by a slap to the back of Tony's head, the first of many.

Only he didn't head-slap him any longer, Tony realized, and he wondered what that was all about? And was it a good sign or a bad one? Did Gibbs simply not care anymore?

Admittedly, in the early days, he'd followed the man's every move like some lovesick puppy, had even lusted over him at times. That strong sexual desire had abated somewhat in the past couple of years. Nowadays he could be close enough to Gibbs to smell the distinctive aroma of Douglas fir sawdust that meant he had spent last night working on his boat – and not get a hard-on. Usually.

From day one, Tony had known that getting it on with the boss would mean the end of his job. He'd managed to tamp down his desire for Gibbs – at work, anyway. So what if he jerked off to fantasies of being overpowered by a silver-haired, hard-assed, grumpy Marine? It was a deep dark secret between him and his right hand, and it was going to remain that way.

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Back in college, they hadn't named him Sex Machine for nothing – he'd earned it. Tony had made his way through the cheerleaders, the study hall girls, a couple of female professors and the ladies in Admissions before he turned to casual sex with the jocks, the smart kids and the entire debate team. Damn, he'd enjoyed every minute of his time at college – that is, until he got sidelined by a football injury.

After college, things changed a bit. Being a rookie on the Peoria PD meant he had little time to get to know anyone, but the few times he was lucky enough to hook up with a guy he liked, he had to be careful not to let anyone on the force get wind of it. Being deep in the closet was stressful, and by the time he was in Philly, Tony had accepted that spending a few hours with a stranger he'd never meet again was the best way to go.

Sure, he had a few cop friends, the kind of guys who were good for a beer and a laugh after work, but he never let on he was bi – they'd never understand or accept his lifestyle. Or, at least that's what Tony believed, and he wasn't going to risk them finding out, and suffer getting bashed – or worse – by closed-minded bigots.

It wasn't easy, maintaining two different lives, but he got used to it, playing straight at work and boasting of his latest female conquests, and, on the flip side, getting dressed up and heading out of town for a random fuck. There was a clear-cut line between the two lifestyles, which he took care to maintain. He kept his personal life to himself, and nobody was any the wiser.

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Tony liked men. He liked having sex with men. There was less pretense than with women, less to prove, and it was good to let someone else be in charge. He liked the physical feeling of men, the hard bodies, broad shoulders and hairy chests, the sheer weight of them. And getting fucked by a man taught him more about how to fuck than any porn he'd ever watched. He knew what a good fuck was, and could turn around and use those awesome moves on any man or woman.

It didn't matter if the guy was beefy or slim, or if he was funny or serious, a street musician or a Wall Street executive – so long as the guy was ready and willing, Tony was good to go. He always focused on the man he was in bed with, and although he preferred being on the receiving end, he was willing to play either top or bottom. Always accommodating, he was happy to dress up, role play, try out a new sex toy, dabble in bondage or accommodate a fetish, if that's what turned his partner on. Mutual pleasure with no strings attached, that was the DiNozzo way.

Tony had dated his share of women, although the first date was often the last. A few of the affairs lasted a couple of weeks before he got antsy and did something stupid that made the girl want to break up with him. Wendy was his first long-term girlfriend, and maybe it was because she was older, and had been his piano teacher, that he didn't mind when she took charge. At first, their relationship was casual, and fun, but soon Wendy wanted more: to get married, to set up a home together. Although he had some misgivings about their future, Tony was in love with her – and in love with the idea of creating a safe, loving home with someone who loved him back – so they became engaged and set a date.

Everything fell apart at the same time. He must have been blind or stupid or something, because he never saw it coming when she broke it off, mere days before the wedding. He was devastated. Not only had Wendy locked him out of her apartment, where he'd been living, but Tony discovered his partner, Danny Price, was involved in money laundering – and worse. Between his fiancée dumping him, and his best friend and partner turning out to be a lying piece of crap, he'd never felt so low. Turned out that not only had Danny been on the take, but he'd been sleeping with Wendy behind his back. Tony wasn't sure which of them he hated more.

If Gibbs hadn't come along and hired him, and given him a good excuse to get the hell out of Baltimore… he didn't know what he might have ended up doing. Probably would've killed Danny, for starters. Or joined his dad in Monaco, where he was doing the art-connoisseur schtick, and coaxing huge sums of money out of the well-manicured hands of rich widows.

Just as Tony reasoned that there were worse places he could be than poolside at the Hotel de Paris Monte-Carlo while waiting for his broken heart to mend, Gibbs gave him a sideways smile and told him to come to NCIS. And that's exactly what he did.

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When he first lived in DC, Tony went out with a long line of women who worked around the Navy Yard: Ladies who worked at the visitor center or the Navy Museum, bartenders, restaurant workers, and his favorites, the gals who taught at the trapeze school over on M Street. The encounters were all brief, and he never promised anyone anything. He never brought anyone back to his place, and half his dates never learned his full name. 'Let's just have a good time,' he'd say, with a smile that was as smooth as anything his dad had ever produced.

Sometimes he casually dated women who were connected to NCIS, because they were more likely to understand his long workdays and erratic hours. Among them was Paula Cassidy, who always seemed sad even though he did his best to cheer her up; CGIS Agent Abby Borin, who liked to be on top, and expected Tony to be at her place every time they finished a case together without him needing an engraved invitation; and Cassie Yates, whose mind always seemed to be somewhere else – like on what she was going to make for dinner – while he was working really hard to entice an orgasm out of her.

Diane Sterling – he found any and every opportunity to have sex with her for over a month before deciding to break it off. This was after she'd left Fornell and before she'd remarried. Tony wasn't stupid enough to fool around with a married woman, especially one still married to Agent Fornell. But Gibbs had started to send suspicious looks at Tony, and both Tony and Diane knew that if Gibbs (or Fornell) got wind of what they were up to behind closed doors, they'd both be toast. Diane was into BDSM, which brought an interesting twist to the sex, but there was only so much pain Tony could take before calling it quits. As it was, he'd had to keep his shirt on for a week after his final session with her. The problem was, ever since they'd called it quits, every time he ran into Fornell, he pictured Diane ball-busting or flogging him or something. She had assured Tony that Gibbs hadn't been into that kind of thing, thank God.

Jeanne Benoit. Now, Jeanne, he'd really liked. When they'd eventually gotten around to sleeping together it was fun and…nice. He didn't often get nice. Jeanne was playful and had pretty eyes, and he didn't have to work so hard at being Tony DiNardo when he was fucking her. Afterwards, it struck Tony that maybe their relationship had worked because he'd known it wasn't going to go anywhere, and that he would be able to end it without it being his fault, technically. That sort of fucked with his mind for a while.

There were some men, too, like Dorney; they went on a date to see a musical and had awkward but sweet sex on Dorney's rundown couch afterwards. He was such a nice guy, Tony broke it off after the first time because he couldn't stand the thought of getting in any deeper and hurting him later on, which was inevitable.

He made the mistake of having sex with Brent Langer – a total jerk, so there was only that one fuck. There'd been some good times with Damon Werth though (nice muscles and incredible stamina but not much going on upstairs). Then Tony met roving agent Chad Dunham, and soon after, Marty Deeks. Those two men could have been brothers, with a trim, muscular build, blue eyes and shaggy dark blond hair. After checking they weren't related – even though if they had been, it wouldn't have stopped him – Tony asked them if they'd ever consider a threesome next time they were all in the same time zone. The answer was 'Bring it on, man,' and their wild weekend was something to remember.

There was Ray Cruz, CIRay, who had been an incredible, sensual lover, but was so consumed by guilt – over living a double life, and wanting men more than he did women – Tony found it difficult to look into his dark brown eyes. Ray admitted he went to confession before and after having sex, which was almost too weird for Tony. The last straw was when things got heated in bed, and Ray started mumbling prayers in Latin, keeping tempo with every deep thrust he was hammering into Tony's ass. Before walking out, Tony gave him the name of a good shrink, saying, "You really need to get your head on straight. And quit fucking around with Ziva's emotions. Make up your damned mind."

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There were always rumors going around, and office pools, and sly questions from his colleagues, trying to find out who he had slept with the night before. Tony knew he deserved everything they said, because he'd set up this fake lifestyle and had encouraged everyone, even his closest friends, into believing it was real. Sometimes it hurt a bit, the innuendoes, the insults, but he got used to them. It wasn't like the comments were about him. They were about the fake Tony he projected to the world, the womanizer who couldn't handle a relationship, the agent who'd been stuck in the same position at work for fourteen years.

Ziva had made disparaging comments, and all-too-often made the wrong assumptions. McGee was genuinely curious, even though he did his best to hide it, and Abby acted as if she had every right to know the intimate details of Tony's dating life. Bishop was different; she would look at him with narrowed eyes, tapping a pen against her bottom lip while her agile brain made calculations as to the odds of Tony having sex with any one of a dozen people at the office. Then she'd smile and nod, as if to say, 'Ah, now I've got it,' and would go back to work.

Gibbs, well, Tony wasn't sure if he didn't see or if he didn't care, thoughonce or twice, he'd caught his boss looking at him speculatively when the subject of his latest conquest came up at work. Gibbs would frown, and stand there staring at him for a long moment before turning away. So long as Tony kept it out of the office, he'd turn a blind eye – that was the inference. Until EJ Barrett came on the scene, that was.

The word was that Gibbs had really come down on EJ for distracting his agent. According to Palmer, who'd overheard the whole thing, when Gibbs had ordered EJ to lay off, she'd countered, saying he had no authority over her and Tony's sex life. EJ had no idea what she'd set in motion that day. Gibbs blocked her at every turn, literally locked her out of MTAC, and made it clear that he would do whatever it took to keep her away from Tony.

To Tony it was fascinating because here was Gibbs, acting like the head of a wolf pack and snapping at the interloper every time she got too close to what he considered was his. At one point, Tony had wondered if there was some jealousy on Gibbs' part, but he knew that was impossible. The boss was just pissing on his territory, hating that some upstart had waltzed in and tried to take over without earning her stripes.

Gibbs smirked on and off for several days after EJ left. The thing was, Tony had only slept with her a handful of times, and that was soon after EJ had arrived in DC. They really were friends, and she did understand him, like he'd told Gibbs, and at the time Gibbs was telling her to back the fuck away from his agent, whatever they'd had was already over.

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