Ch. 93
Jeff felt as if the room had erupted into complete and utter chaos. From what everyone had been saying, he'd apparently been oblivious to the outside world for a week or so, although he didn't recall, exactly, how that had come about. He was certain if he thought about it long enough, it would come to him, but he was still groggy. He'd been "awake", as Donna so giddily referred to him, for nearly 10 minutes now, according to the clock on the wall, but it felt like he hadn't had two seconds alone with Nick. Clearly something big had happened. He had a broken right leg and arm from the looks of things, and he wasn't sure, but his mouth wasn't working the way he was used to. Maybe something there was knocked loose as well? His body felt sore all over and his head was pounding.
But the good part of all of this…was Nick. His Nicky was so happy to see him awake, apparently, and he hadn't let go of Jeff's hand since Jeff had grabbed ahold of his when the doctor came into his room. Nick sensed his confusion and probably his fear. What, exactly, had happened? They'd gotten married. He remembered that clearly. He recalled going to his wedding, and finding out that Nick had planned a surprise party for his birthday and there were so many familiar faces there to wish them well as they were married. He recalled dancing with his husband, talking with their guests, sneaking away and making love all night as the boat sailed down the river and the lights flickered into the window of their cabin, reflecting off of Nick's body as Jeff sunk into him time after time after time. He felt himself stir under the sheet and wondered if anyone else noticed. His room was suddenly full of so many strangers, and it was unnerving. Best to save those thoughts for when they were alone.
He was kind of annoyed now, too, because it seemed like the strangers all wanted to poke and prod him.
A doctor showed up shortly after the nurse, Donna, fled the room and introduced himself as Dr. Devlin. He seemed alright and he shook Jeff's good hand. The doctor looked relieved to see him, although Jeff wasn't quite sure why. Too many things scrambling around in his brain. The one constant was Nick…Nick's hand in his, Nick's smile, Nick's unwavering look of utter devotion that settled Jeff more than anything else could have. He just wanted some time alone with Nick, that's all. His mind was fogged up and he wanted to ask his own questions, but not in front of all these strangers.
Everyone spoke around him, several doctors and a couple of nurses, everyone checking levels of this and unhooking lines to that. Each and every one of them seemed genuinely pleased that he was awake and lucid, smiling widely at him and then at Nick, patting him on the shoulder and squeezing his hand or his foot…whatever they could reach that wasn't casted, bruised or busted up. They kept shining that light into his eyes and talking about sending him for a scan of this and an x-ray of that. And he was tired…so tired. Regardless of how long he'd apparently been "sleeping", he was tired.
"Nicky…" he mumbled, trying to keep his eyes open. Was it considered rude to fall asleep on your medical staff?
"Babe? What's the matter?"
"Tired…jus' real tired. Don' leave me, though, please?"
"No chance in hell, Pretty Boy." Nick smiled.
"He hasn't left up to this point…why start now?" Donna grinned at Jeff.
"You came to see me every day?" Jeff asked, smiling, his brow furrowed in question. Nick opened his mouth to speak but Donna cut him off.
"Oh no, honey, he showed up here with you on Monday when they transferred you in, and he hasn't left since then. He's been here with you, right by your side, day and night, for 6 days straight, no question about that. Never seen anything like it," She grinned. "He refused to leave until you were able to leave with him."
"And that hasn't changed," Nick said, squeezing Jeff's hand. "Sleep now, babe. Don't worry about all this. If they need you, they'll wake you, I'm sure."
"Just don' go…." Jeff muttered and closed his eyes, his breathing eventually evening out. Nick felt a brief…maybe not so brief…moment of panic when he thought for a moment that there was every chance Jeff might slip back into the coma again if he slept. When he shot anxious eyes to the doctor, he seemed to instantly know what Nick was thinking and reassured him.
"With the scan we did yesterday, Nick, I think I can safely say that the swelling has gone down enough that we don't need to worry about him slipping back. We'll keep him on his prescriptions as we have been and see how it goes. He looks and acts remarkably well for someone who's been through…." he paused, glancing at Jeff, "…what he's been through." Dr. Devlin was purposefully vague, not sure what Jeff remembered, and not sure if he was listening. "I'm quite amazed at the progress he's made, really. Sure, it'll take weeks for the bones to heal, but he seems very coherent and lucid. After we do the scans we'll know better what's going on inside as well.
"Um…he doesn't…he doesn't remember what happened. Should I tell him, or avoid it, or just ask him to wait and see what comes back to him?" Nick questioned, unsure how to go about answering the questions he knew were coming.
"I'm going to leave that up to you...it's your call, Nick. If you opt to tell him, I'd handle it with kid gloves, honestly. He has a right to know, but it will surely be a shock. Perhaps hint…try to pull the information from him and let him remember it? He clearly remembers some things. He knows who he is, he knows you're married, so the memory loss…or block… is specific, and that's not abnormal, either. Play it by ear." Dr. Devlin suggested.
Eventually everyone left the room and left them alone. Nick was relieved, as he was exhausted but he didn't want to let go of Jeff's hand and have him wake up to find Nick not where he'd left him. Truth be told, he was rather sleepy himself as he hadn't slept well the previous night. There'd been lots of commotion in the hallways around 2 a.m. and he wasn't sure that ended well for one of their fellow patients. It made Nick shiver to even consider it.
Unwilling to let Jeff wake alone and disoriented, Nick held his hand while he sat in the chair next to the bed. That worked out well enough until his head started to bob and he figured he really should lay down. The stream of visitors was bound to start up again, and he was expecting Blaine and Kurt that evening if nothing else. He was surprised he hadn't seen Caroline and Gram yet, but they had been, reluctantly, packing to leave for Ohio the following day. He took it as a sign that she trusted him enough to leave and let Jeff be in his care when just a few days prior she was carrying on about taking Jeff away from him. He made a mental note to be sure she knew that Jeff wasn't aware of what happened unless he was able to talk to Jeff a bit before she arrived.
He felt his head bob again and stood, walking around to the other side of the bed to Jeff's right. Grabbing the sheet Jeff was laying on, he gave it a good, steady pull and moved Jeff's whole body a bit to the right. Seeing that his plan worked, he did it again, and grinned as he then walked over and slipped into the left side of Jeff's bed, away from the broken right leg and arm, and for the first time in over a week, Nick held his husband as he slept.
"Sooooo….." Kurt led with that statement, if you could call it that, as they began the drive out of Ohio toward New York City.
"Soooo…a needle pulling threaaddddd…." Blaine sang, his voice rich and soothing, making Kurt roll his eyes and laugh. "Were you surprised?"
"Duh, of course I was! I was bummed that we weren't really going to have any time to see my dad and Carole, and only a couple of hours away, too, so them being at breakfast this morning was fantastic. Thank you for that, I know it was your idea." Kurt grinned and leaned over to kiss Blaine's cheek, then he grabbed his hand to interlace their fingers on the bench seat between them in the large U-Haul truck. "And I know you wanted to be on the road well before now, and it set your time table back a lot…so yes, thank you for doing that for us."
"I know you've missed them, your dad especially. I hoped it would remain a secret. And after Friday night with my dad showing up, I'm doubly glad I planned it. I can't imagine how that must have shaken you up, and yet you haven't spoken much about it at all. He's not a pleasant man, Kurt, I know this more than anyone, and I won't be offended if you say anything at all about him, so you just say what you need to say, ok?"
"I didn't say much because I didn't want to upset you. I know any talk of him upsets you and I can see why now. He's very arrogant, isn't he?"
"He is…he's always right. Nobody's going to tell him what to do, and he doesn't take kindly to 'friendly advice'. In his mind, nobody knows better than he does. He's a little insane for sure. I wanted to ask, though…."
"Hmmm? Ask what?"
"You said he threatened me, or something like that. What was that about? Then he called you a murderer? There's a story there somewhere."
"He uh…he wasn't happy I was there, with you, in your bed. He said he didn't allow that sort of thing in his house, and he was angry at my tone with him…said I'd disrespected him or some such thing…I don't recall verbatim, really. I told him if you wanted to fuck me six ways to Sunday I was on board with that plan 100% and he was clearly about to bust a vein." Kurt snickered.
"Oh my God, you said that to him!?" Blaine blurted out, glancing at Kurt as he drove, his smile beaming with pride that his boyfriend stood up to his dad.
"I did, absolutely, because let's face it, Friday night was phenomenal and he's lucky I didn't sit him down at the dining room table for a play by play of his son's prowess in bed," Kurt smirked. "But then he went on to say he figured he could still take you and he was damn sure he could take me…and I snapped. I told him, in no uncertain terms, that I'd killed the last man who threatened you in front of me and that I had absolutely no qualms doing it again. I told him he'd been given fair warning. I asked him to leave, and to leave you alone, and he finally relented, saying you guys would find a way to have him thrown in jail if he touched me."
"If he'd touched you, Kurt, I can't even begin to tell you—"
"He didn't. He didn't touch me at all, honey, so please don't stress yourself about that. It's all over now. We go back to New York, your mom will be there, Coop's moving in downstairs. It's all fine now, ok?" Kurt asked him with a smile, rubbing briskly up Blaine's arm to calm him.
"I'm ok as long as you're with me, that's all I need," Blaine smiled back.
"Well, then you'll be ok for a long time to come if I have any say about it, you sappy, romantic, cheeseball," Kurt grinned, leaning in to lay his head on Blaine's shoulder as they drove. "It was really great to see my dad and Carol…thank you. He really likes you, ya know? I know much of it is because of what I've told him about us, about how happy you make me, but a lot of it is you…your charm, your charisma, your way of handling people and being yourself that sets people at ease. You're genuinely a good person and it shows. He's very happy for me and said I picked a good one." Kurt grinned, leaning in to peck Blaine on the cheek.
"YOU picked ME, huh? Is that how that worked?" Blaine teased him.
"Hmmm, I think it is," Kurt flirted. "I mean, do you have any idea how many times I drew you before we met? I think my heart knew before we'd actually spoken that you were it for me. It wouldn't allow me to give up on that beautiful man who I'd seen in that coffee shop window…my Adonis."
"Uh huh…I see how it is. I think I picked YOU, actually, because you wouldn't leave my mind, like EVER, Kurt. I wrote song after song about that beautiful blue eyed man who stole my heart from the other side of the glass in that coffee shop. Then I wooed you by playing it over and over until you knew all the words and the notes…."
"I miss you playing it." Kurt told him with a hint of sadness in his tone. "You don't play much lately."
"I haven't had time, really. I'll play for you when we get home if you want. You need only ask, Kurt. Anything I'm able to do, you know I'll do it for you." Blaine smiled sweetly at his man.
"Did you think, that day in late winter, when you saw me and Rachel, we'd ever meet?" Kurt asked with a curious tilt to his head. Blaine thought about it, keeping his eyes on the road, before answering.
"You know what, I'm not sure I thought we'd meet. I hoped and prayed that it would happen, but let's face it, New York City is huge and filled with a ton of people. I thought my shot at seeing you again was slim and none and I can't tell you how depressing that was. So I turned to writing music to keep you with me. I remember calling Jeff that morning while I was still sitting there, telling him I'd just seen the most gorgeous man I'd ever laid eyes on. He gave me twenty kinds of grief for not talking to you, smiling or something. He was all crazy, saying 'You didn't even get a photo?' And when I said you'd walked off with your girlfriend or wife or whatever, he flipped." Blaine laughed, remembering the scene from the previous February with a warmth that seeped over him like a blanket. "He was all 'you're flipping out over a straight guy!?'" Blaine laughed.
"In what world do I pass as straight, Blaine Anderson?" Kurt smirked, blushing a bit as he bit his lip. "Pretty much the moment I open my mouth the cat's outta the bag."
"You didn't speak to me, and you approached with a cute little woman in tow…and walked away with your arms linked. I was destroyed." Blaine teased.
"I was yours from that very moment." Kurt told him softly. "You ruined me for any other man. Nobody has eyes like yours, golden and green and so warm they just grab me and yank me in. Nobody has those unruly curls that I can't resist running my fingers through. Nobody else's body speaks to me, sings to me and lures me like a siren to do things I'd never thought possible after everything I'd been through. Nobody's heart is as big as yours, Blaine. I love you endlessly, and if it's because you picked me, then I'm the luckiest man alive."
Blaine had a very hard time, then, keeping his eyes on the road. His chest was tight and he felt like he'd probably cry at any moment, Kurt's words turning him inside out and making his heart swell. Kurt…his beautiful, stunning boyfriend that he realized he'd never be able to live without, now. Kurt who trusted him, loved him and respected him. Kurt who didn't ask for anything, but gave all he had. With a stuttering breath and a tentative smile, he turned to look into Kurt's eyes and said what was in his heart.
"Never leave me, Kurt. I know my heart couldn't handle it. I couldn't begin to know how to live without you now that you've been a part of my life. You make me a better man, certainly a happier man, and I'm so very blessed and grateful that you picked me." With that, he squeezed Kurt's hand, feeling Kurt squeeze back and lay his head on Blaine's shoulder again. Blaine brought their linked hands to his mouth and kissed Kurt's knuckles softly, his smile bright and hopeful. They rode ahead in silence, just enjoying each other's company, no words necessary.
Nick woke to the feeling of fingers in his hair and, for one disoriented moment, he was flustered wondering what in the hell Vivian was thinking….
"I didn't mean to wake you," Jeff said softly, still carding his fingers through Nick's hair, his eyes still heavy and falling shut now and again. Nick's body had inched its way down the bed and his head was now resting on Jeff's chest, his left arm thrown over Jeff's belly under the sheets. Nick groaned a bit as he shifted, then his eyes flew wide in alarm.
"Oh God, I'm not hurting you, am I? I just…I didn't want you to wake up and panic…being here…and you asked me not to let go an-"
"Hey, it's fine. Asleep or not, I've missed you. I can feel it…that my body has missed your arms around it. Don't go," he said a bit desperately as Nick tried to slip off the edge of the bed. Nick stilled and breathed in the scent of his husband...husband!...that even the antiseptic smell of the hospital couldn't take away.
"I've missed you, God, Jeff…so much," he began, his arm squeezing around Jeff's middle. "Sorry…" he said, his words stuck in his throat, chest tight now.
"So it's just us now. Are you going to tell me what happened?" Jeff asked, his eyes still closed, breathing evenly. "I'm afraid maybe I don't want to know, though," he added before Nick could even reply. "Yeah, from the look on your face, I probably don't want to know, do I?" Jeff sighed.
Nick glanced up to see the face of the man he adored, and he was immediately unsure whether he could share the story with him or not. For one, he'd have to tell Jeff what started it all…the money….the reason he left the penthouse that day to begin with. Did Jeff recall that much? And another concern was whether Jeff would hold Nick's father's sins against him. He was basically terrified to have this discussion and Jeff sensed it.
"Jeff, I…I don't um…."
"How about I tell you what I remember and then you can go from there?" Jeff asked. Nick just nodded. I remember the wedding, everyone there for my birthday, because my fantastic husband is so unbelievably good to me," Jeff smiled. "I remember our vows, dinner, dancing, I remember making love to you all night as we cruised up and down the river."
"Yes…there was that….a lot of that, for certain," Nick grinned, eyes cast down to the sheets again. He knew it wasn't the right time for those types of thoughts, but it had been too long without Jeff. But…
"I recall leaving the boat the following day and going back to the penthouse with your family, your mom arguing that they should all go to a hotel and the two of us telling her we'd have plenty of time alone together and that they should stay. Then I get fuzzy. I remember going to get food…I think? Were you with me?"
"I…no. No, babe, I…wasn't…" Nick faltered. To tell him about the money or not?
"Is that when it happened? When I went to get food? I mean, I feel like I fell off a building or something. Am I close?" Jeff asked, brow furrowed and uncertain. "Was my mom here?" He asked apropos of nothing, then.
"Um…yeah. Your mom and Gram had made it home already. I…I had Thomas go back for them. She uh…your mom was…" Nick suddenly felt sick to his stomach. So much had happened, so much that he needed to tell Jeff, but he didn't want to. He'd just gotten him back, and he wasn't up for bringing up things that would start a war again. At that point he slid out of the bed, unable to lay there anymore without Jeff hearing and feeling the pounding of his heart in his chest.
"My mom was here and she was angry about something, wasn't she?" Jeff asked. Nick paled. How much had Jeff heard? Would he remember?
"She uh…yeah. She wanted to uh…she wanted you to go back to Ohio with her and Gram," Nick finally got out, squeezing his eyes shut.
"What? Why the hell? Nicky, please. I'm here, I'm ok, apparently I'm healing well if that doctor is to be believed, and … Nick?" Jeff repeated again, because Nick refused to look him in the eyes. "Nick? Do you still love me? Did I do something wrong? Please…please tell me," Jeff nearly pleaded.
"Oh, honey, no…I mean, yes, absolutely I still adore you with every fiber of my being, Jeff. I swear that won't ever change. God…" Nick huffed. It was time to bite the bullet and just do it. "Babe…you went to grab pizza last Sunday, a week ago today, actually, and when you got there, I'm not sure what happened, but you ended up at an ATM…to get cash, and…Jeff, you know I love you, right? You know I'd never do anything to hurt you or upset you on purpose, don't you?"
"Nicky, I know. I'm not sure what happened, but I need for you to just tell me and get it all out on the table. You're pale and shaking and it's scaring me. As long as you still love me and you know that I still love you, there's nothing we can't work through. Please…." Jeff asked. Nick just nodded at him and continued, hoping for the best.
"You uh…you got your money out, I guess, and when you saw the receipt, you went a little bonkers. You were upset with me, so you went to Blaine's to cool down a little bit. You didn't want to come home and talk to me while my family was there—"
"YOU PUT TWELVE MILLION DOLLARS IN MY BANK ACCOUNT!" Jeff bellowed, eyes wide. "Oh my God, I remember that part. Nicky….twelve million dollars…" Jeff panted out, wide eyed now.
"I did, but please let me tell you why before you get upset with me again…please, Jeff." Nick pleaded, hands out in front of him, trying desperately to placate Jeff.
"Ok…I can't exactly get up and leave now can I?" Jeff smirked. "Tell me."
"Alright…ok. I uh…the day we talked, on your birthday, we went over the papers you had drawn up and you said I couldn't give you any more big gifts after that day, right?" Jeff just nodded at him. "So, while you were in the shower, I left and went to talk with my financial advisor and my banker and had them transfer that money into your account because I wanted you to have it, just in case, you know? I mean, I know you wanted the papers to be iron clad, that if you left, you'd leave with nothing, and while you know I hated that, immeasurably, I wasn't prepared to leave you with nothing. You were so worried about my dad thinking you married me just for my money, that you might leave me and take half or whatever, that you had all those documents drawn up to make sure he didn't think that…that you'd leave and take what you felt was mine…even though I still do and always will think of it as ours," Nick continued. Jeff was just shaking his head, his countenance impassive.
"Anyway, I was within our limits…it was still 'that day' and I wanted you to have that…that last gift, because, Jeff, I couldn't shake the fact that if he thought you'd leave for the money, then he'd accuse you of staying for the money, and I know that's not you. I know you'd never…because you wanted me and my hot dog cart before you even knew…" Nick grinned bashfully, "and this way, you had your own fortune, and you didn't need mine, and you could leave when and if you wanted to and he couldn't say you were just using me for my money, because you had your own and…." Nick finally paused to take a breath and Jeff stared at him, mouth agape. "Say something?"
"I can't, you haven't stopped talking!" Jeff said, shaking his head again with wide eyes. "That's quite the tirade, Nick. I don't know what to say, other than…it's something we need to discuss. It doesn't have to happen now…today…even this week, but we need to talk about it. That's a huge amount of money and it's not right for you to just….DO THAT….without consulting me, but…its' not insurmountable. It's something we'll talk about, but it…" He paused, taking a deep breath. "...it is what it is, now, Nick. But I'm still not understanding how I got here…how this happened?"
"Do you remember going to Blaine's?"
"Vaguely, I think I remember being there, talking to them about the money. You kept calling and my phone kept going off and then it wasn't you, it was Bailey…" Jeff trailed off, seemingly lost in thought and Nick waited, heart pounding so hard he was certain anyone walking past Jeff's door in the hospital would hear it and come in to see what was going on. He watched Jeff's face as he thought, clearly tried so hard to recall, and just as he was about to speak, Jeff's breathing got erratic and harsh.
"Babe?"
"I went to get Bailey. Oh my God, Bailey…she's ok? Tell me she's ok, Nick!" Jeff yelled, sitting up straight in his bed, then grimacing with the discomfort. "NICK!"
"Jeff, she's fine…she's good. Broken arm, that's it. She's back home with mom, don't…please don't get yourself all worked up." Nick said, sitting down on the edge of the bed and taking Jeff's hands in his own.
"The car came right at us. I don't think it even tried to avoid us, Nicky…" he trailed off, tears in his eyes now. "I pushed Bay…there wasn't time to get out of the way…"
"No…I'm sure there wasn't. Jeff…the car that hit you…the driver, they got him. Hunter and Sebastian were there, behind that car, when it hit you. Seb went after the car, Hunter stayed with you, thank God, and called 911. They said if it wasn't for him, they don't know if…if you…" Nick tried to say the words but they wouldn't come out. He just looked at Jeff and shook his head slowly side to side, tears pooling in his eyes. It was becoming harder and harder for him to breathe. They'd gotten this far, and he knew he needed to just finish it. He need to tell Jeff who was driving the car. With a deep breath, he continued.
"The car…the uh, the guy driving the car, Jeff…it was my dad. He went after you on purpose." Nick whispered into the room, unable to meet Jeff's eyes once again, ashamed of what his father was, what he'd done, what a pitiful excuse for a man he'd become.
"But Bailey was with me, Nick. He'd risk the life of his own daughter to hurt me? I can't even imagine that, it's insane!"
"He didn't know it was her. He was actually having you followed. Shane was following you, reporting to him, but I had someone following you as well. That's another story, but…he didn't realize it was Bailey, what with the weight loss, her hair color, and the clothes she was apparently wearing. He actually thought she was a hooker you were picking up, apparently…" Nick said, his breath hitching as he tried to explain. "He was angry…said you were already fucking around behind my back and…" he paused, pinching the bridge of his nose, "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, Baby. I don't know how to make it right…or better. All I know is my mom's divorcing him and Alex told him he's dead to all of us…none of my brothers want anything to do with him, Bailey said she never wants to see him again. He's in police custody now and…I know that doesn't make it all better. He almost took you from me…" Nick choked off, and for the first time in 7 days, he stalked from the room in tears, muttering how very sorry he was, unable to bear the guilt and shame of the deeds his father had done. His heart broke just a little bit more when he heard Jeff calling out for him to come back, but he didn't stop.
"Don't leave him!" He ordered Joseph, who sat outside the room. Then Nick fled the hallway, tears streaming freely down his face.
They stopped for lunch, to get gas in the truck and to use the bathroom. Blaine called Cris to tell her they'd be home, he estimated, around 7 or 7:30 pm if they were lucky. They were making good time and, although he wasn't proud of it, he'd been keeping a steady 10 to 15 mph over the speed limit in order to make up some time. Kurt didn't seem to mind, and when he took over the driving after lunch, he kept the same pace.
"So I wanted to know…have you talked to Jeff any more about the school and the job? You haven't said much." Kurt asked as they drove.
"Briefly, but we didn't have a whole lot of time, what with the wedding and the party and then…" Blaine broke off, eyes shifting away as he thought of his friend laying in that hospital bed. "When I can talk to him again, I have to assure him he can still do this. I know Jeff…I know he's going to think getting back to what he was before will take all this time and he won't want to wait that long. It'll be difficult, but I'll kick him in the ass a little bit. I think this school might be the best thing to ever happen to him, truthfully."
"Besides Nick?" Kurt grinned.
"Besides Nick," Blaine smiled widely. "They're intense, aren't they? Have you ever seen two people more suited to one another?"
"I have…yes," Kurt smiled, keeping his eyes on the road and giving Blaine only a brief glance with a haughty raise of his chin. Blaine snickered and agreed, of course, because were there two people who complimented each other more than he and Kurt did? He didn't think so.
He watched Kurt from the corner of his eye as they drove, thinking about their futures and where they'd be in 5 years.
"So tell me about David and the loft. How are things coming along? Since the show you've been pretty quiet, tight lipped, and all I've heard is how that raging bitch was fired and black-listed throughout the fashion community for her antics at your show."
"Things are going well. The island wedding is in a couple weeks, but that's all finished, has been for a bit, but I've been working on new sketches. David's seen some of them and he's in love –"
"Of course."
"Of course," Kurt smiled widely. He paused, quiet for a few minutes as they both listened to a song on the radio, then… "Thank you."
"For?"
"For believing in me. For pushing me and making me realize that what I have in me is important and I can do it. For always letting me know you've got my back. For just being you and loving me through my hysteria and tantrums and insanity. Thank you for never judging me by my chaos around the apartment, and for making sure I had a studio space to work in at home. For our home, which I adore and love and can't get enough of still. Thank you for loving me the way you do."
Blaine felt a little misty eyed and reached over to grab Kurt's hand again, rubbing his thumb over Kurt's fingers as he did, and dropping his eyes to his lap, his smile so wide it was blinding.
"Thank you for being the man who I love endlessly, the man I'd do anything for, the man I want to spend the rest of my forever with. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, Kurt, if I had the ability to do it. You don't have to thank me for loving you….it's not hard. It's the easiest thing I've ever done." Blaine saw that Kurt was a little misty eyed as well and his smiled widened as he laid his head on Kurt's shoulder and soaked up the warmth his boyfriend always exuded. "You're one of a kind, Kurt Hummel, and I don't know what I'd do without you by my side."
"Well, let's not find out, then, shall we?"
"Let's not."
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing
You are perfect to me
"Can you imagine the two of us singing together in glee club? We could have totally nailed that song." Kurt asked when the song finished and the radio personality droned on about the newest contest they had going on in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.
"Agreed…we harmonize well together. I was thinking…I want to record 'Kurt's Song'….and I want you to sing it with me. Mac knows a guy and he said he'd help me with it…maybe recording a few others I've got sitting around. Would you sing it with me?"
"Oh, no, Blaine, I don't…singing in the car or the shower is a little different than singing for others to hear. I don't think I'm up to that," Kurt answered, afraid Blaine would be upset with him. "Please don't be angry, I just…I don't think—"
"Well, we'll see. We can talk about that later, maybe. I love your voice, and I love it even better when we're singing together and that night, in the attic…you singing with me was just…that was a moment for me, Kurt. It was raw and beautiful and stunning and I want that somewhere I can go back and listen to it again and again. Consider it, for me, please?"
"Oh…" Kurt was taken off guard by the honesty and the seriousness of Blaine's plea. "I'll…ok, I'll think about it," he said softly.
"Where do you see yourself in five years?" Kurt asked out of the blue.
Blaine sat up, a little groggy as he'd nearly dozed off looking out the window as Kurt drove. They'd turned the radio down a little and Blaine was lost in his thoughts, watching the scenery go by and wham…what time was it now, anyway? 4:45 pm. Still a ways to go, but they were getting there. Had he asked the question out loud earlier…where would they be in five years?
"Um…geez, I don't know, really. I hope I'm working with Jeff, teaching music and showing some small but brilliant minds the magic of making glorious sounds with an instrument. Why, what about you?"
"I dunno, really. I was just thinking about where I want to be. I'll assume I'm still working with David, if he wants that. I want to be a household name eventually, ya know? Marc Jacobs, Alexander McQueen, Vivienne Westwood, Kurt Hummel…of course," he smirked, grinning broadly as Blaine shook his head at him, laughing out loud.
"And you'll get there. In fact, I heard your name mentioned the other day in polite company, actually…someone speaking of a Kurt Hummel original."
"Yeah, and where were you?"
"Our kitchen, but whatever….you'll get there, Kurt. You're well on your way." Blaine laughed as Kurt slugged him in the arm.
"We have to stop for gas again. You hungry?"
"I am, actually. That salad at lunch didn't do much for me. See what's at the next stop I guess?"
"Oohh! Sing with me? I love this song!" Kurt was so easily excited by Lady Gaga…Blaine rolled his eyes and sang along.
It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
'cause you were born this way, baby
My mama told me when I was young
We are all born superstars
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir…..
"Ok, so um….in 5 years…." Kurt began, uncertainty tainting his words. He wasn't sure where they'd derailed, but he hadn't gotten the answer he was searching for when he'd asked Blaine the question earlier.
"We already talked about this one," Blaine said, glancing his way as he drove now.
"We did…professionally, we know where we want to be, I guess." Kurt didn't press it. If Blaine wasn't up to talking about their personal lives in five years, who was he to push him on it. Instead he got quiet. It didn't go unnoticed by Blaine.
"Let me ask you, then, Kurt….where do you see us in five years, because that's what you're asking, isn't it?" Blaine asked him playfully, batting his eyelashes in an exaggerated manner because it was clear that Kurt was trying to get to some point, he just wasn't sure what the point was yet.
"I…yeah, I mean, I just thought…you know…we haven't really discussed the future. It seems like everyone around us is moving forward and…I dunno…really."
"Does that bother you? That everyone is getting engaged and married and…we're not…yet?"
"It doesn't bother me, no. I mean, Hunter and Seb have been together for a while now, and so have Trent and Thad…even if you guys were too clueless to figure that out," he said with a smirk. Blaine rolled his eyes. "I'm not upset over Nick and Jeff or Maggie and Coop because they just…they found what they wanted and they jumped on it. If that works for them, then more power to 'em, I guess. I don't doubt that they'll all live marvelously happy lives together."
"But you want to know where we stand, then?" Blaine asked, eyes on the road ahead.
"Not necessarily, but…..ok, yes. Yes, I want to know where we stand. We don't really talk about the future or…us…in the future."
"There is no part of my future without you in it, Kurt. I want to wake up to you every morning and slide into bed next to you ever night. If you're not up for that, we have a serious problem." Blaine reached for his hand again and squeezed it, happy to see a grin on Kurt's face, but still some uncertainty around his eyes. "Tell me, Kurt."
"Do you um…in say five years…are we happily dating, living together, married?"
"In five years I'll be Blaine Anderson Hummel, best dressed husband of the famous designer, Kurt Hummel, who will be taking the fashion industry by storm. Whether he likes it or not." Blaine grinned.
"I think he'll like that…he'll enjoy that immensely."
"But?"
"But he wants to know if there are any little Anderson Hummels running around the house." Kurt said in a very small voice which screamed of his uncertainty again. "I mean, I'm certainly not trying to rush you into anything, so please don't think that," Kurt laughed. "It's just that you talk about kids a lot, but it's in the context of 'students' and I was wondering if you saw any of our own someday?"
Oh.
Blaine sat dumbfounded, staring out the windshield, straight ahead, unable to speak. Wow. Well, this wasn't where he thought the conversation was going, that's for sure.
"Kurt…" he began, but paused, searching for the right words. "When I think of us in the future, I see us married, living in our apartment and yes…with a family of our own. I don't care if you want one child or six of them, I'm ok with that. I love kids, and I can't wait to have that with you some day," Blaine replied, his tone calm and even, his face serene and honest. "I hope that's ok with you?"
Kurt didn't speak, just sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth and nodded with a small grin.
When Nick snuck back into Jeff's room later that evening he didn't expect to see Jeff "huddled", as well as he could be with casts on his right arm and leg. He looked so small, and his eyes were closed. He had the sheet and a blanket pulled up to his neck, the fingers of his left hand peeking over the side as he held it tightly like a shield. Nick stood there silently, watching Jeff's chest rise and fall under the blanket for a few minutes before walking over to sit in the chair and lean his head back to rest it heavily on the vinyl cushion.
"You left me."
The statement nearly made Nick jump out of his own skin, so lost he'd been in his thoughts while he figured Jeff was sleeping.
"I did…for a brief time. Not forever…never forever, unless you wanted rid of me."
"Why?"
"I had things I needed to take care of, and they wouldn't wait. I'm sorry for the way I left…I was upset."
"Yeah? Well, news flash, I was fucking upset, too, and you walked out on me, mid conversation, and left me here alone for hours wondering where you were and if you were ok…and to deal with the bomb you dropped."
"I'm fine, I—" Nick began, but Jeff cut him off.
"I'm glad. You can go. Don't waste your time here with me. I'm sure you have plenty of other things to keep you busy that 'can't wait', so go. Go on. Please." Jeff said, turning his body as well as he was able, away from Nick.
"I don't have other thi—"
"Please just go. You can't do anything for me here, now. You know I'm awake and ok, and I'd really rather you didn't sleep on that horrible looking cot another night, so go home, Nick. I need some time to myself and I need to think about what you've told me."
"Jeff, I'm not leaving until you leave."
"So you said, and lo and behold, you did just that. Am I throwing a tantrum? You fucking bet I am, and I think I deserve it, so don't even argue with me. I'm lying in the fucking hospital with half my bones broken, internal injuries hopefully healing now, I can't speak plainly until my jaw heals correctly, IF it heals correctly, and I'm pretty well incapacitated because your dad wants me dead. He didn't succeed with his plan, so now what? Is he coming back for more? Do we know where he is, what his plan is now? If he's willing to run his own fucking daughter down to kill me and get me out of your life, where does that leave me, Nick? I wanted to ask you that this afternoon, but oddly, you walked out on me and left me here alone with a whole helluva lotta time to think."
"And what did you think?"
"I don't know…I'm not done thinking yet. I'm fucking terrified, I'm scared to death he's not finished. How many people work for him? Does he know I'm alive? Is someone else coming? Do I need to look over my shoulder every day for the rest of my natural life to make sure I'm not gonna die in some horrible freak accident? It's kinda giving me anxiety, Nicky, and I don't quite know how to deal with it."
"You're safe here. Joseph is right outside the door."
"Awesome, so as long as I'm here, I'm safe…unless the damage he's already done kills me."
"Jeff, please don't…"
"Don't what? Don't worry about my safety? Don't hope I live through this? Don't blame it on anyone else? Don't panic? Don't WHAT, Nick?!" Jeff yelled at the end. "Don't assume you'll be by my side through this although you just said "sickness and health not 10 days ago? Please, by all means, tell me, Nicholas: Don't what?!"
"You called me Nicholas."
"So what?"
"Your mom was here, wasn't she?"
"She was…she and Gram came to talk, say goodbye, head home and all that. So?"
"Makes all the sense in the world, now. Ok, you know what? You think about what you want to think about, and I'm just going to lay down somewhere and rest my eyes a few minutes. While you're boiling, by all means, think of an appropriate punishment for me since I 'left you' here…in the care of my most trusted security associate who hasn't left you, or the hallway outside, for more than 4 hours in over a week. Oh, and don't forget the most capable staff we could find, who has taken care of you all week, made you their priority, allowed me to stay by your side while breaking numerous hospital rules, held my hand while I cried over you. Think of the best way to make me suffer for that, because I haven't suffered at all this week knowing it was MY fucking father who did this out of hatred and jealousy of the man I'd give up my life for, my fortune, my future, anything I have. Be sure to throw in there something to truly break me, like maybe leaving me and taking away my reason for living, because without you, what's the fucking point, Jeff? Be thorough. I'd hate for you to miss anything." Nick said, slamming the door shut behind him.
In the stillness of the hospital room with nothing but the sounds of the machines around him, Jeff wept.
"You have to give him his space, you know," Joseph said quietly as Nick flopped down on the uncomfortable hospital seat outside Jeff's door. "He's hurting, he's confused and he's scared to death…and you know, deep down, you can't blame him, Nick. He's been through a helluva lot this past week, even if he slept through most of it. I know it's frustrating, but put yourself in his shoes."
"I've been in his shoes every day for the past week, watching, waiting, thinking and just knowing how it would turn out when he finally woke up. He'll hate me for what my dad did, and David wins. He'll leave me, Joseph, and I can't blame him. I need to prepare myself for that to happen, I suppose. I should have known better than to leave when I knew Caroline was on her way here. She's poisoned his mind…I don't know what I was thinking not being here. I think the damage is done, unfortunately."
"She wasn't super positive about the situation, no. I'm not sorry to say I listened to every word she said, and she wanted to take him home to Ohio, and said as much. I thought she'd changed her mind about that much, but maybe seeing him, talking to him, made it all come back. Catherine wasn't amenable to the idea, though, and she said her piece, too. The bottom line, here, Nick, is that he's still here. He told his mother to mind her own business, although not in so many words, and he's here with you. Give him some time to digest it…he'll come to his senses."
"A man can only hope, Joseph."
Blaine and Kurt arrived at the hospital later than they'd have liked. It was nearly 9:30 and they'd left the truck half unloaded and locked up in front of the apartment building, taking a cab to get there before it was strictly off limits to enter the hospital due to the time. Still, they had to sneak past a number of people in order to get to Jeff's room. When they found Nick asleep outside the room on a makeshift loveseat made up of a few shoved together chairs, they both cast curious glances at Joseph, who sat, ever ready, on the other side of the hall watching the door.
"He's had a long day. I don't think it went at all as he'd planned it to." Joseph told them, unsure if Nick had broken the news that Jeff was awake.
"He's ok, though, right?" Kurt asked, concerned.
"He'll be fine. Just needs some much needed rest."
Blaine motioned toward the door and Joseph nodded with a sorrowful grin. Inside the door, Kurt leaned against the small sink and Blaine took the seat someone had pulled in from somewhere else, as it was a lightweight chair that you'd find in the cafeteria, rather than in a patient's room.
"His color's much better than when we left," Kurt commented.
"The bruising is almost gone, especially around his eyes. I'm glad to see that," Blaine said, leaning in to move a few stray hairs away from Jeff's eyes.
"It's about time your sorry asses showed up here," Jeff said, and then laughed until he hurt when he watched Blaine flail backwards and fall out of the chair in fright, his eyes wide with amazement.
"Shit! Oh my God, Jeff, what the hell!? Holy shit, Nick didn't…he didn't call me…we were out of town and…..JEFF!" Blaine nearly screamed as he launched himself into his friend's good arm.
Jeff let out an exaggerated 'umph!' and a groan and Blaine pulled back quickly, grimacing as he realized what he'd done.
"Where you boys been, anyway?" Jeff asked, but when he looked at Kurt he saw that his friend was wiping tears away, trying to be discreet. "Kurtie, don't cry. You knew I was gonna be back, right? I mean, you didn't give up on me, did ya?" Jeff smirked.
"Oh you idiot!" Kurt huffed out with another round of tears and crossed the room quickly to lean in and hug Jeff as tightly as he dared. "God I've missed your face. How do you feel?"
"I guess I'm as good as can be expected…better, really, if you ask my docs. They seem to think I'm doing 'remarkably well' as far as recovering. That's what they all said this morning as they poked around on me for a while," Jeff grinned.
"You've been awake since this morning and nobody called me?" Blaine asked, a hint of irritation in his voice.
"I asked him not to, I wanted to surprise you. Then things got…well…not good. And he left and then my mom showed up and then I said some things and…he left again." Jeff said in a small voice, clearly saddened.
"Define 'some things' and why would he leave? He hasn't left your side since it happened except to go to the police station on the very first day, and then he rushed right back here and growled at anyone who got too close. What happened, Jeffie?"
"I let my mom get in my head and then I said some horrible things. I was angry…I AM angry…but not with him, and I took it out on him." Jeff's chest was rising and falling with shallow breaths again, and Kurt could tell he was trying to keep from getting upset.
"Hey, ok, don't…don't get all bent up, ok? Let us help. What happened?" Kurt said, sitting gently on the edge of Jeff's bed. Jeff sat there staring off at the wall, unsure what to say.
"My mom was here with Gram. She was so happy to see me awake at first, but then she got upset when she was asking me questions…she asked if Nick told me the truth about why I was in there at all, and when I told her what he'd told me, about his dad and everything, she went off. She said it wasn't good for me to be here, that David Duval would be back to finish the job and reminded me that he's a powerful man and how I'll live my life looking over my shoulder forever. I freaked out. I was scared, you guys, seriously. I mean, the man is clearly unhinged and he hates me…wants me dead. DEAD!" Jeff said with a pleading note to his voice.
"So what does this have to do with Nick?" Blaine asked, getting a clearer picture of why Jeff was distraught.
"This morning when Nick and I were talking, he had a really hard time telling me what had happened. I don't know if he didn't want to or wasn't sure how, but he got really upset. I mean, 'stormed out of the room and left for hours after he talked to me' kind of upset. He was gone…left me here…" Jeff said, his voice finally breaking. I don't know if he wants to deal with this shit anymore, guys, and I wasn't sure if I did either. I love him…God…so much. But if this is going to be our life and he's going to be miserable, I can't keep the cycle up and watch him suffer. I had too much time to think on my own and when he came back I let him have it. I was angry and I was hurtful and I hate myself for it….and now he's gone again and I don't know where he is, or when or if he's coming back. I feel sick over it. He has to hate me."
"He couldn't hate you if his life depended on it, Jeff. He's probably scared…terrified that you're thinking the same thing…that he may not be worth all of this bullshit that's happened. I'm sure he's thinking you're having second thoughts about it all. Are you?" Kurt asked.
"What? No. NO! I'm not…I can't be without him, it'd kill me. He's my life now, and nothing will ever change that, not his dad, not my mom, not anything. He's too important to me and I love him regardless of what's going on."
"I think your best bet is to tell HIM that, Jeff, I really do. I'm sure he's scared, too."
"I can't tell him if he doesn't come back. Lord knows where he is. I yelled at him and told him I didn't want him here. I told him to go home and leave me alone so I could think. God, I hate myself and my freaking impulsive mouth!" Jeff said with a bit of heat behind his words. Blaine reached for his hand and squeezed it, allowing him a few minutes to break down. Kurt kept his hand on Jeff's calf and he and Blaine shared a glance between them, sorry they'd missed all the drama. Perhaps if they'd been there, they could have helped. But it wasn't too late.
"I'm sure when you're ready to talk to him, he'll be receptive to whatever you want to say." Blaine told Jeff, squeezing his hand for good measure.
"I'm ready now. The minute he left I wanted to cut out my own tongue for the shit I'd said. He's done nothing but love me and I said some really shitty things. I'm not at all happy with myself and I owe him an apology…if he'll listen."
"I'm gonna go get a soda from the machine. Does anyone else want one?" Kurt asked, standing. Jeff figured he was just giving him and Blaine time to talk, though.
Outside the door, Kurt found a groggy Nick, who'd apparently just woken from his nap on the uncomfortable place in the hallway.
"Kurt! I didn't know you guys were here. How was the trip?" He asked quietly.
"It was fine. We accomplished what we'd gone for and I got to threaten Blaine's dad, so that was a bonus." Kurt grinned.
"I take it his dad isn't the world's greatest?" Nick asked, raising an eyebrow.
"He is not, no. He's a conceited ass who's belligerent and violent and he wasn't supposed to be there. All is well, though. The truck is back and half unloaded at home. So um…what happened?"
Nick took a deep breath and ran his hand over his face, then sat up fully and braced his elbows on his knees, flopping his face in his hands.
"I said shit, he said shit. We were terrible to each other and now I'm sure he wants out and I can't blame him. It'll kill me, honestly, but if he doesn't want me anymore, I have to let him go." Nick said sadly. .
"And if he does want you? Are you sure you still want him?" Kurt asked. "I mean, it's a lot, Nick. As long as he's around, there's gonna be shit happening, right? Is it worth it?"
"What are you even saying? Of course it's worth it! Anything with Jeff is more than worth it. He's my life and I adore him more than anything or anyone else. I don't know how I'd ever live without him now if he wants to go…." Nick trailed off, shaking his head. Kurt smiled to himself, knowing they'd be ok.
"Then I think maybe you should tell him that….now." Kurt leaned in with a sad smile and bumped shoulders with Nick. "He's lying in there, miserable, thinking you don't want to put up with him and all of the mess he brings you. You guys don't communicate very well, do you? Have you been to the Anderson-Hummel School of Miscommunication lately? I know a guy, I can get you in." Kurt grinned.
"He's awake? When I looked in before he was sleeping."
"Yep, he's in there talking to Blaine now. But leaving you two to sort things out…well, that's not your strong suit, believe me. Talk to him. Let him know you're not done with him. He's scared, Nick."
Nick stood and followed Kurt into Jeff's room and Jeff's eyes widened when he saw him. His breathing quickened and he forced a small smile although he wasn't sure if it was welcome.
"Hey Pretty…"
"Nicky…."
"Ok, well, I think that's our cue to get lost." Blaine said, his smile genuine and hopeful. "I'll be back tomorrow. Call me if anything changes…if they move you to a new room or something, ok?"
"I will…I'll…yeah." Jeff said softly, not taking his eyes off of his husband. Nick hugged Kurt and Blaine on the way out and sat down on the edge of the bed waiting for Jeff to talk. When he didn't say anything, Nick began at the same time Jeff did.
"I'm sorry for what I said—"
"I didn't mean what I said to you—"
They both laughed and breathed a sigh of relief. Then Jeff spoke.
"I'm scared, Nicky. I want you to know that. But I didn't mean the horrible things I said to you. I don't want to go, but if this is all going to be too much for you, and you want me to go, then I will, if that'll make things easier."
"Jeff, no. NO…God. I don't ever want you anywhere but with me, I don't. I can't live without you, and I absolutely don't want to leave, nor do I want you to leave. We'll make this work…we have to. I'm sorry I was so angry this morning and that I left. It's just that…I've had a week to take it all in, to rehash it in my head and to go over every detail I've been fed by Sebastian, Hunter, the doctors…even Shane."
"Shane? I'd forgotten you said he was following me. What does he have to do with it?What does he have to do with any of this?" Jeff asked, suspicious. Nick relayed the story to him, giving him the details he thought were pertinent to Shane's part in the story.
"He's distraught. I think he's truly sorry and hates himself for what happened…any part he had in it, anyway. He says he tried to jerk the wheel away from you and Bailey but my dad shoved him away and…well, yeah. He turned himself in and gave them a statement about my dad and everything they'd talked about regarding him following you and reporting back to him about where you were and what you were doing. Anyway, it's not something I think I can ever forgive him for, but it helps that he seems to feel like shit for it." Nick explained. Jeff was silent, his chin dropped to his chest, as he contemplated what he wanted to say.
"I don't know what I've done to piss so many people off, but apparently I did it well and I'm good at it." Jeff said softly, sadly.
"You don't have to worry about my dad anymore…he's locked up and he won't be getting out anytime soon, ok?"
"He can do all the same shit from inside as he did when he wasn't locked up. I'm not stupid. I know he has a whole slew of people working for him and all he has to do is snap his fingers, Nick. I'll be looking over my shoulder my whole life, now. But if that's what I have to do to be with you, then that's what I'll do. You're worth that, and so much more. You're my husband and I love you, Nicky. So, whatever he wants to dish out, I'll just have to be ready to take it on."
"You shouldn't have to worry too much about him. I think I have a pretty good idea of what my dad is going to do from here on out."
"And how would you know that?" Jeff asked, intrigued.
"I went to see him today and I had a whole lot to say. Him, not so much…but he knows how things are gonna go from now on."
"You saw your dad?!" Jeff asked, alarmed. "Is he still alive?"
"He is…but only because there were two guards in the room. I have to think that was for his sake, because without 'em I'd have taken him out, physically, so fast it would have made his head spin. I have no love for him left, and he's been made well aware of it. My attorney called me last week, Jeff, and I have enough information on my dad to have him locked up for life. He knows it now, too, so I asked him to behave and play nice. His hands are tied. If you're so much as clipped by a bike messenger on your way to work, I'm taking his ass down even further than he's already going."
"And how did he take that news?"
"Oddly, he was very quiet and reserved today. If I didn't know better, I'd say he felt badly…but I do know better. There's no remorse in that man anywhere, believe me. But, he did look rather worn and tired…like he's aged 20 years in the past 6 months. His fault…nobody else's."
"Thank you, Nicky. I know you did that for me…and for my mom, to reassure her. I think once I'm healed up and back to myself she'll come around Nick. She loves you, I know she does. And she knows how much I love you, too, so I think she just needs to get some space and some time away and regroup…come to her senses. She's very clearly not in her right mind now."
"Why do you say that?"
"She suggested that I leave you and move home to Ohio with her. I told her it'd be a cold day in hell before I walked away from the very best thing that's ever happened to me. You're my heart, and I can't go on doing this thing without you, Nicky." Jeff said, reaching out for Nick's hand and squeezing it firmly. "I love you and awful lot, babe."
"God, Jeffie…I love you, too…so much."
A/N Well, Jeff knows what happened now. Can we PLEASE get on to some happier times? Geeez... Oh wait, that's my fault, ok then.
Thanks, as always, to Suzanne, for reading over it. Again. And then one more time after that. And oh, I fixed something...and should I ad this? Maybe I should... Sigh. That poor woman, God love her. :)
Started something new, so that's taking up a bit of my time. I hope to be able to keep a semi regular updating schedule. I hope you'll bear with me if I stray...
Have an amazing week, you guys. Thanks for your comments and reviews. They are always most welcome and never fail to make me smile. Thanks for making Crowded House part of your day :)