CHAPTER 5 - The Past

"Are you… hard again?" Tony asked, groaning in disbelief. "I can't take it, not tonight." A glance at the clock told him it was 0430.

"Sure you can."

"Gibbs!" Tony pushed at the man, letting him know he was serious. "Look, you can't spend weeks being an asshole to me, almost making me quit my job, and think that having a few rounds of sex will make everything all right."

"I don't think sex will make up for me being an ass towards you."

"You sure about that?"

Gibbs sighed. "Tony… I know I have a lot to make up for. I was an asshole."

Wow, that was almost as good as hearing Gibbs say he was sorry. Tony wasn't about to let him off too easily though. "Yeah, you were."

"I still am. I get it. Look… this huge roadblock was sitting right in front of me, and I couldn't stop thinking of you, and you'd walk into work with this smile on your face that told everyone in the whole fucking office you got laid, and I knew it wasn't some girl from the gym. I knew, and it made me so fucking angry."

Tony sat up and gaped at Gibbs. The sheet was barely covering him below the waist, and it was apparent his cock was at half-mast. Not wanting the distraction, he forced himself to look up at Gibbs' face. "You knew what, exactly?"

"That you were cooking the story up. Hell, I've known you were into dick since… I don't know when. That isn't the point."

"You knew? How? Oh God, is it that obvious?" Inside, Tony was panicking. If Gibbs could tell, did that mean other people knew he was into men? Shit, he wasn't prepared to deal with the fallout, not now, not ever.

Gibbs sat up and faced Tony. "It was a couple days after I got home from the hospital, and you came over… I had to lean on you to get to the head."

"Yeah, and you practically snapped my head off for giving you a shoulder to lean on," Tony said. "Did it hurt your pride so much to accept a little bit of help?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Sort of. But there was… something else."

"Then what was going on? Talk to me," Tony urged. He knew it would be hard, if not impossible, to corner Gibbs and convince him to talk any time in the future, so they may as well do this now and get it over with.

After a long pause, Gibbs said, "You were so close. I could smell you."

Tony smiled. "I hope I smelled good. Was it the cologne by Zegna?"

"No, it wasn't some damned cologne! I could smell someone else on you," Gibbs said, his voice low and angry. "Damn it!"

Tony was taken aback by Gibbs' intensity. He thought back… he'd had a quickie at lunchtime and had gone straight to Gibbs' place after work. "Oh… yeah. I didn't have time to shower before I came over." He thought he'd cleaned up thoroughly enough in the men's room. Guess not. What could he say? He wasn't ashamed, and what he'd done sure as hell was none of Gibbs' business.

"Who was it?"

Tony sighed and flopped back on his pillow. "You probably won't believe this, but I don't kiss and tell." Yeah, he could have lied, and given Gibbs a name, but the older man would be able to tell he was lying, and that would be the end of this… whatever this was. Casual sex on a regular basis? He couldn't call it friends with benefits if he wasn't sure they even were friends.

"You don't, huh?"

"Okay, so sometimes I talk about my dates, but… most of my exploits are exaggerated, a little, and if I sleep with anyone I really care about, well, I don't talk about them at all," Tony explained, zipping his lips with an exaggerated gesture.

Gibbs was still for a minute, then said, "That's fair."

"Friends are off-limits," he said, glad that Gibbs was willing to drop his line of questioning. He was sort of hovering though, which wasn't a good sign.

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "You had lunchtime sex with a friend?"

Tony played with the edge of the sheet and reluctantly said, "No, not a friend. I knew him."

"Okay, so tell me who it was."

"You really don't want to know," Tony insisted.

"I want to know," Gibbs said stubbornly.

"Yeah, well, you know what? You don't have that right," Tony said, getting annoyed.

"Don't I?" Gibbs asked, looking slightly wounded.

"Why would you?"

Now Gibbs was frowning. "Because of this. Us."

"There is no 'us.' Okay, so there is an 'us' right now, like tonight, but whatever I did before, that's my own business, just like your sex partners are your business," Tony reasoned, wondering who Gibbs had brought to this bed before him.

"Is that all this is to you? Another hot fuck to boast about?" Gibbs asked dryly.

"Of course not! I'd never talk about us! Look, I've had a good time, great, even. And what we just did, it's boast-worthy, for sure. But everything we did is private, entirely between us alone." Tony smiled a little. "There has to be a rule for this, like 'What happens in Gibbs' bedroom stays in Gibbs' bedroom,' right? Rule 69?"

"Think that one's been taken." Gibbs smirked. "It was hot. The fucking. And the kissing."

Tony's smile grew wider. "And the fingers up my ass. You're really good, Boss."

"Don't call me Boss," Gibbs said with a slight scowl.

"Sorry, sort of slipped out. But you were good, you are. You sure you haven't done it before?"

"I have had sex before, DiNozzo."

"You know what I mean. Fucked a guy. You're strong and sort of… pushy… but I like it. That's why I like getting fucked, having sex with men rather than women." Tony sighed. "I think I'm gonna give it up."

Raising his eyebrows, Gibbs asked, "Give up sex?"

With a laugh, Tony said, "No, I was thinking… give up having sex with women. It's nice enough but it usually seems too… comfortable." He didn't ask Gibbs if he preferred men or women since this was his first gay experience and he'd have to compare everyone against him. He might ask it another time, if they ever did this again.

"It sure is different," Gibbs said.

"And you have certainly been enthusiastic," Tony said with a smile.

"It's not about what sex you are, where you stick your dick. It's… how you feel," Gibbs said, lowering his head a little, as if he was bashful, talking about such feelings. "About each other."

"Love the one you're with?" Tony asked.

"No. Because it's you. You're the only one. I'd never do this with any other man."

Tony's face heated up. He hadn't expected that. "Wow, well, thanks. I never thought… I mean, I've had some hot dreams, but I never believed any of this would be possible," Tony revealed. "Plus, seeing you naked, I'm blown away. Your ass is so fucking tight, and your cock is…just the right fit…"

"You're not so bad yourself," Gibbs said, sounding embarrassed. "I've always known you had a great butt, but holding it… You look really good. I mean it, Tony."

"Thanks," Tony replied, grinning. He'd done his best to keep in shape in the year since he'd run a triathlon, but it had been tough to keep the weight off. He'd been watching what he ate, and had kept up with the biking, and it kept him trim.

He leaned forward and pinned Gibbs to the bed, angling his head to get the perfect fit, playing with his tongue, nipping his bottom lip, and when Gibbs made little sounds of satisfaction, that went straight to Tony's cock. Tony wanted him so badly, his cock, squashed between them, was hardening, getting ready for another round.

Gibbs held him securely in his arms, then rolled them both so Tony was on the bottom, kissing him the entire time. Tony pushed and tried to roll back, wanting to be on top, but their legs were tangled together and it appeared that Gibbs wasn't about to give him an inch. It was so good, being held like this, and Gibbs was kissing him deeply, his hands caressing his hair, his face, like he couldn't get enough of him, and Tony thought this must be what it's like to make love, to be loved, and he let the feeling wash over him.

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The sky outside was just beginning to lighten. "It was Agah Bayar," Tony said in a quiet voice. "He's the one I had … lunch with, that day I came around to see if you needed anything." Bayar was the last man he'd had sex with – before Gibbs – and the difference between them was indisputable.

The arms dealer – Tony had had sex with him twice – had been just as brutal as one would expect, yet he'd given Tony the most intense orgasms ever in the back of his limousine, which is why he'd slunk back for a second round the very next day. And then, soon after Gibbs was home from the hospital, Tony had run into Bayar again, and the man apologized for being hard on Tony last time they'd met, and wanted to make it up to him. Maybe a long lunch? Tony, like a horny idiot, agreed, and although Bayar was true to his word, with the sex being more subdued than before, it had left Tony feeling dirty. That was not a feeling he was used to, and he didn't like it. At the time, it was enough to make him swear off sex with arms dealers, men of power, strangers, and anyone who came equipped with a dick.

Tony had gone back to work without anyone noticing he'd been gone longer than usual, and afterwards he went over to Gibbs' house to see what he could do for him. Gibbs had been a prickly bastard, snarling he didn't need help (which he obviously did, if only to ensure he didn't fall on his face on the short trip from his lumpy couch to the ground-floor bathroom), so Tony hadn't stayed long.

That night he and Zoe shared a pizza and watched a sappy romantic movie together, and, as he was feeling unusually sentimental, Tony asked her if she wanted to get serious about their relationship.

He didn't plan on asking her; it just seemed the thing to do at the time. Maybe it was because he'd let Bayar fuck him like that, and afterwards he'd felt really bad about himself. All the times he'd had sex, he'd never felt that dirty after it. Or maybe it was because of the way Gibbs had pushed him aside when all he'd been doing was trying to lend a helping hand. Gibbs had really hurt his feelings, and although Tony would normally shrug it off, this time it felt different, like it was the final straw. No matter what the reason, he'd asked Zoe if she wanted to be serious about them, knowing that the next logical step would be to get engaged – and married.

Tony had expected questions about living arrangements, and their future and kids and all that stuff, but Zoe barely glanced up when she responded, "Sure, Spider." A second later she was asking him about an NCIS investigation that the ATF had an interest in. That was Zoe, always mixing pleasure with business.

"You had lunch with Bayar," Gibbs repeated.

"Yeah. Big guy. Smooth talker. Turkish arms dealer?"

"I know who he is." Gibbs ground out.

Tony could tell Gibbs was infuriated by the slight twitch going on at the corner of his mouth, and he readied himself to get a reaming. But Gibbs surprised Tony by turning to him, taking his face in both hands, and kissing him long and hard. When Tony came up for air, feeling decidedly dizzy and with a satisfied smile on his face, Gibbs said, "Thank you."

"For what?" Tony asked, blinking and wondering if he'd missed something.

"For telling me."

Tony figured he'd better get the whole thing off his chest while Gibbs was in a good mood. "I'd had sex with him before, but after the second time, I swore off him. He was sort of… aggressive." He took Gibbs' hand when he saw him frowning. "I wasn't coerced or anything. I'm not some fainting virgin, Gibbs. That day I ran into Bayar on the street, he was… persistent, said he wanted to make up for the previous time… But none of it matters. It won't happen again."

Gibbs squeezed his hand and said, "Yeah, I know. And not just with him."

Tony pulled his hand away. "I've had sex with half of DC, and most of them men! What makes you think that's gonna change?"

Gibbs explained carefully, "Tony, that's in your past. It won't be happening again."

"Oh, it won't?" At first Tony was annoyed and maybe a bit angry at Gibbs for being so presumptuous. He was like a bulldozer at times, taking charge as if he was the only one who knew the right way, expecting others to follow him without question. But then Tony understood that it wasn't arrogance at all. This was Gibbs cutting through all of his protests, all the crap, because he truly believed that Tony's longtime practice of sleeping around was over.

"Nope," said Gibbs.

Tony asked, "How can you be so sure?"

"Because I know you. And I trust you," Gibbs said matter-of-factly, looking straight into his eyes. "And you're gonna be way too busy having sex with me to even think of anyone else."

"You trust me? I don't think you should do that. Hell, even I don't trust me." Desperate to find something else to talk about, Tony averted his gaze, ran his hand over the rumpled sheets on the bed and asked, "Are these new? These sheets are really nice, high thread count, and the mattress is firm, just how I like it for sex."

"I bought them a few months ago. I figured I'd try sleeping up here again," Gibbs said with a small shrug. "Didn't have a good reason to, not until now."

"I remember you burning everything after Stephanie divorced you," Tony said with a small smile. He'd started at NCIS soon after Gibbs' divorce, and although Stephanie had been the one to file, she was bitter as hell and kept calling Gibbs to harass him. He heard Gibbs chuckle, so he looked up and met his eyes. "That mean you're going to have a bonfire when… this ends?"

Gibbs kept eye contact with Tony when he said, "Not gonna happen."

"Really?" Tony sent Gibbs a skeptical look. Gibbs' forceful way of speaking, the way he was looking at him, with such focus, as if he was the only person in the world, was a definite turn-on. How the hell he was going to prevent his cock from springing to attention every time Gibbs growled an order while at work, he didn't know.

"This is going to work."

"I think you're placing your money on the wrong horse, Gibbs."

Gibbs let out a sigh and slid closer to Tony. He pulled him into his warm, solid arms and kissed his forehead, then placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "No, I've got the right horse. You're never gonna leave me. You know why?"

Tony shook his head.

"Because you love me," said Gibbs.

Tony was sure Gibbs was setting him up for a fall. "You seem pretty sure of yourself."

"I'm sure of you," Gibbs replied.

"I don't… love you." For some reason, Tony found that very hard to say.

With a shrug, Gibbs said, "That's something you're gonna have to figure out on your own."

"What does love have to do with any of this? This was sex. I mean, it was fun and everything, but that's all it was," Tony protested. He felt distinctly uncomfortable and was thinking this might be a good time to leave.

Gibbs gave Tony a lingering kiss, and then another one, deeper and insistent, his hands exploring in a way that left Tony practically panting with need. Somehow he found himself lying on the bed with Gibbs on top of him, which he decided wasn't such a bad position to be in.

Gibbs pulled back a little and smiled fondly at him. "I've gotta tell you, Tony, I've been fucking crazy in love with you since the first moment I saw you."

"You have?"

Gibbs nodded. "You were running down the street after me, in those tight jeans, yelling at me, and then you caught me… Just sayin', you're not the only one who has fantasies." Gibbs smiled and kissed Tony again, this time with barely contained passion, as if he'd been holding back and couldn't bear to wait any longer.

Tony kissed him back, stifling a sob that came out of nowhere. He put everything he had into that kiss until he was drifting in sensation and there was nothing else in the world but the two of them.

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