CHAPTER 13 - Collapse

Tony called Jethro the next morning. He was nervous about the reception he'd get, now he'd had time to think about what he had done.

But Jethro didn't bring it up, other than to ask him how he was.

"I'm okay, but I look like crap," Tony complained. In truth he had a killer headache, one that was going to take more than a couple of aspirin to quash.

Jethro actually laughed at him, made sure he was able to function, and said he'd talk to him around two.

Tony didn't ask if it was to check on him, because he had every right to do so. "What if you catch a case?"

"I will call you," Jethro promised.

Tony and the other committee members were busy all morning, taking their recruits through situations they'd likely encounter in undercover work. They worked on methods of dealing with different types of people, how to handle difficult situations and how to get out of undercover work in one piece.

"Your life is always more important than the job, than getting whatever intel you've been sent in to retrieve," Tony said. "If there are others in danger, you may have to make a difficult decision, but the whole point of practicing these scenarios is to get you so familiar with them so you won't get into a tight spot. Now, let's head over to the gun range and Agents Cox and Garcia will assess your skills and teach you a few moves that may come in handy."

Drinking a DiNozzo Defibrillator (tabasco sauce and lemon in soda water, without the usual shot of gin) that morning, and eating a burger (without the bun) at lunchtime, had helped him feel a little more human. Joanna didn't say anything but Tony was aware she was assessing him every now and then.

Two o'clock came and went with no phone call from Jethro, and an hour later, he still hadn't called. He must be on an important case, Tony thought. Or else Jethro had changed his mind and didn't want to live with him, or work with him, either.

Tony decided to wait for Jethro to phone him, rather than chase him down and possibly interrupt him at a bad time. It wasn't easy, but he concentrated on training his unit, as did Joanna, Cox and Garcia, with theirs. They stopped at five for dinner and gave the recruits the rest of the night off.

After an early dinner, Tony sat by himself in the library, staring into the flames of a fire. He thought about how he'd ruined his chances with Jethro, and what a fucked-up ass he'd been, and wondered if Jethro would ever forgive him. He was pretty sure that would never happen, and it felt as though his whole life was crumbling around him.

"DiNozzo? There you are," Garcia said, sounding annoyed.

One look at his face and Tony knew something was wrong. "What's going on?"

Garcia said, "Your phone is off."

Tony glanced at it. "Shoot." He'd turned it to mute, wanting a few minutes of quiet. Shit, that was an hour ago. "What's the matter?"

Garcia said, "An Agent Bishop phoned. Wants you to call right away."

Jumping to his feet, Tony turned his phone on and called Ellie back. "What's wrong?"

"Tony, it's Gibbs. He collapsed in the bullpen earlier today. Luckily, Ducky and Taft were here, and they… they think it's a heart attack."

"He what? Is he okay?"

Ellie was talking over him, reporting, "They took him to the hospital… It looks like he'll be okay though. The word is he's in stable condition…" If she said anything else, Tony didn't hear it. Jethro had a heart attack, was in the hospital. Oh God, what was he going to do if he died? How could he live without him?

Joanna was beside him, taking the phone from his weak hand, talking calmly to Ellie.

"Tony. Tony!"

The room came back into focus. Joanna was calling his name. Tony stared blankly at her, and said, "I have to go… I need to be with him. A car…"

"I'll take care of it. Grab whatever you need. We can leave in ten minutes."

He didn't know what he would have done without her help. The car they were in, manned by a driver he'd never seen before, took them to the closest airfield. They rode in a black, unmarked helicopter all the way to DC, apparently courtesy of Homeland. Tony had no concept of time, couldn't even think straight.

When they landed, another car, this one driven by Fornell, rushed them to the hospital. Tony asked about Gibbs' condition, and the FBI agent replied, "They're taking care of him. Did a slew of tests. He's in good hands, the best."

While they were being driven to the hospital, Tony tried calling Bishop for more information, and when that failed, he called McGee, and then Ducky, but the calls went to voicemail. A dozen questions ran through his mind, about Gibbs' heart and tests, and if this had something to do with him getting shot months ago. Had those injuries affected his heart? The thought that Jethro might die, and he'd never get to see him again, scared the shit out of him. Even though Jethro had seemed okay with him on the phone that morning – God, had that only been this morning? – he had to see him to know if he'd really been forgiven.

Tony started to take in the conversation going on between Fornell and Teague. The FBI agent was going on about some American doctors who had been taken hostage by a dangerous group led by a General Gadet, in South Sudan. Navy Lieutenant Elizabeth Cortland had been killed, and Agent Burley was already there, "and McGee and Agent Dunham are waiting to get orders from SecNav to join him. It looks like Jeanne Benoit is hitching a ride... Right now they're all at the hospital, circling Gibbs like vultures."

"What'd you say?" Tony asked.

"They're like vultures."

"No, Jeanne…"

"The doctor who was taken, Dr. Woods, turns out he's Jeanne Benoit's husband," Fornell said.

Tony's phone rang and he answered it with a brisk, "DiNozzo."

It was Bishop, who updated him that they'd run some tests and it didn't appear to be a heart attack, which was good. She said, "Look, Tony, Gibbs is doing his damnedest to get out of the hospital, even though Taft is adamant he has to stay until all the test results come back. Maybe you can convince him not to risk his life by checking out. He listens to you, right?"

◊ • ◊ • ◊ •

He heard Gibbs yelling before he even reached the door to his room. To Tony, that was a good sign. There was a crash and a nurse came rushing out of the room, the front of her blue scrubs soaked with water. Or, at least Tony hoped it was water.

Tony looked over his shoulder to see Fornell and Teague, who had paved the way to Gibbs' room, retreating. He hadn't seen any of the team on the way up, although he thought he'd heard Abby's voice in the distance. Teague indicated they were going to be in the waiting room, and left him alone to see Gibbs.

Tony poked his head in the doorway and saw Gibbs propped up in bed. After taking a deep breath, Tony put on a smile and walked in, saying, "Hey Boss, I sure hope that wasn't your piss pot you threw at the nurse."

Gibbs looked so surprised to see him, Tony belatedly thought it probably wasn't the smartest thing to alarm a man who was hooked up to machines monitoring him for a possible heart attack. He moved closer to the bed, stopping a few feet away, and eyed the monitors. He'd read enough of them in his time to gather that Gibbs' heartbeat was fast and his pressure was going down.

"You okay? Your heart?"

Gibbs groused, "I'm fine. What the hell are you doing here? Oh hell, did they call you?"

Disappointed he wasn't getting a better welcome, Tony said, "I came because I heard you needed backup, Boss."

Gibbs pulled a face and said, "Oh hell, I missed the two o'clock call."

"Yeah, and when you didn't call, I wasn't sure about phoning you, and then Bishop phoned, and we took trains, planes and a really neat unmarked helicopter to get here. Is it… um… okay with you that I'm here?"

"Of course it is. Get over here." As soon as Tony was within reach, Jethro grabbed his arm and pulled him down for a kiss, and then a deeper one, which left Tony dizzy and happier than he'd been in weeks. He sat on the edge of the hard hospital bed, thigh nudging Jethro's, and smiled what must have been a pretty loopy smile, because Jethro asked, "Are you okay?"

"I am now," Tony said, still smiling. He hadn't eaten much that day, and he'd been tightly wound ever since hearing Gibbs had been rushed to the hospital, and now it was catching up to him. He gripped Jethro's hands, just trying to hold it all together.

Jethro relaxed against the pillows and sighed. He didn't let go of Tony's hands. "Breathe, Tony."

Guilt hit Tony hard, now he was with Jethro. "I'm so sorry. So damned sorry…"

Jethro squeezed his hands. "We already talked about this, Tony. Move on."

With a nod, Tony agreed. "Then tell me what you did to deserve all this. And you didn't answer me about your heart."

Of all things, Jethro smiled, and he assured Tony he really wasn't dying, and it really wasn't a heart attack, but the docs still didn't want him to leave. "You know, tests, and more tests," he scoffed.

He gave Tony a rundown of the South Sudan situation, and how pissed he was this (making a vague gesture towards his chest) had sidelined him.

"But you feel okay?"

Jethro shrugged. "Good enough to get out of here."

Tony asked where Bishop and the others were.

"Waiting room. Taft kicked them out. I guess my BP went sky high when Abby came in here."

Jethro rubbed his chest with his knuckles, something Tony had seen him do a couple of times before. He had a feeling Jethro didn't even know he was doing it. "What do you think is the matter with you? Bishop said you collapsed." Tony jerked his chin in the direction of Jethro's chest.

"How the hell would I know?" Jethro snapped. He quickly apologized. "Sorry. In the bullpen, they were all talking at the same time, fighting about who was going to South Sudan. It was… like being underwater and I couldn't catch my breath. I guess I zoned out." Jethro shook his head, annoyed. "Fuck, Taft thinks it's all in my head."

"Like a panic attack? Did I have anything to do with it? I mean, last night, because I told you about what I'd done… Did I cause this?" He'd never forgive himself if he was the one whose stupid actions had caused Jethro to get bent out of shape and end up in the hospital.

"Fuck no, and don't even go there. C'mere," Jethro said, pulling Tony into his arms.

Tony wrapped his arms around Jethro, and rested his head on his chest. He could feel wires under the hospital gown beneath his cheek. He closed his eyes for a moment, just listening to his lover's heart beating. Jethro stroked his hair, which was nice, but after a while, Tony reluctantly sat up and asked, "What can I do for you? I want to help."

"Then get me out of here."

Tony heard voices out in the hall, and the clomping of big-heeled boots. Jethro tensed and the monitor showed his heart, respiration and pressure were all rising. Tony offered, "You want me to talk to them? Herd them little doggies outta the way?"

"Yeah, and tell McGee he has a damned plane to catch. Dunham's already at the airport, waiting for the green light. They need to be ready to go."

From the sound of things, the whole gang was outside the room. "Okay, I'll go and talk to him. And Abby. I presume Ducky's here, and Palmer?" Tony gave Jethro another kiss. "I'll be back to see you soon. Alone."

Tony's phone buzzed before he'd even made it to the door. It was SecNav Porter, ascertaining he was at the hospital. "Yes, ma'am, I'm here, assessing the situation." She inquired how Gibbs was, and once Tony had affirmed that Special Agent Gibbs was alert and in control, and right by his side, he passed the phone to him.

Tony could hear Porter telling Gibbs that NCIS had clearance to go on the rescue mission. Purely humanitarian, she stressed. Gibbs disconnected and handed the phone back to Tony. He looked a little pale and tired, but his voice was strong when he spoke. "Tell McGee he has lead and to get to the airport now. And tell him to keep his damned head down." Tony rose and turned to leave, but Gibbs called after him, "But DiNozzo, you can't go with him."

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere," Tony promised.

"And Tony… Jeanne Benoit's out there," Jethro warned. "She's joining McGee and Dunham."

"I'm sorry… Jeanne? Jeanne who?" Tony replied with a grin.

◊ • ◊ • ◊ •

The moment Abby saw Tony, she shrieked and surged towards him, arms outstretched. No wonder Gibbs' pressure had gone through the roof when Abby had entered his room.

Even though he was prepared for the impact, Abby almost swept him off his feet. Then McGee was talking excitedly about the case, and Palmer was hurrying towards him with Ducky by his side, and somewhere in the background, a wan-looking Jeanne Benoit was standing alone, wringing her hands. He almost felt sorry for her. Almost.

Ellie Bishop stood to one side, keeping out of the way. She looked from Tony to Jeanne, and raised an eyebrow, apparently having been brought up to speed about their past relationship.

After Tony had convinced everyone to convene in a private waiting room, and Palmer had fetched them a carafe of freshly brewed coffee and other drinks, along with a tray of snacks, they all sat down and brought Tony up to date with everything that had happened.

Tony sat in an uncomfortable chair and let them talk themselves out while he gave the occasional nod, or made a noise to let them know he was listening. Last, but not least, Jeanne put in her two cents, blaming Gibbs for dredging up "These terrible lies about my father having something to do with all the weapons pouring into the Sudan. For God's sake, why won't you people just let that go?"

Glancing at his watch, Tony found that he'd allowed them ten minutes to get it all off their chests. And that had been five minutes too long, as far as he was concerned.

He rose to his feet and got their attention. "Okay, everybody, listen up. McGee, we got a call from SecNav, and 'Operation Rescue the Doctor and his People' is a go. Dunham's already at the airport, waiting on you, so go now, and take Dr. Benoit with you." He turned to Ellie. "Bishop, Gibbs needs you for research and support back at NCIS. And I appreciate you giving me the heads up about the situation. Abby, Gibbs didn't have a heart attack, but he just might if you don't start using the calm voice you use to talk to lost puppies. So tone it way down or you won't be allowed to see him."

Abby was jumping up and down where she sat, but Tony moved on. "Hey, Palmer, thanks for the coffee. Could you pour a cup-to-go for Gibbs?" He ignored the protest from Ducky, over giving Gibbs coffee, and sound of annoyance from Abby because he wasn't listening to her and how he had no right, yada yada. McGee was saying he needed to talk to Gibbs first, which was valid as he was going on a dangerous mission. Tony said he'd get Gibbs to call him when he was in the air.

Tony stood and said, "I'm going to have a word with Dr. Taft, and I suggest you all leave immediately. Except you, Ducky. I might need a medical translator. And yes, I'll let you know what Gibbs' status is, if Gibbs approves. So go home, folks. Gibbs isn't going to die anytime soon, and you're not going to be allowed to see him, anyway."

Of course, they all erupted at that bit of information, but Tony simply turned his back on them and made his way down the hall to Jethro's room. He had just opened the door and spotted Jethro sitting up in bed and waiting for him, when Jeanne came up from behind and grabbed his arm.

"Tony!" she hissed.

Tony stared at her hand until she got the message and removed it. "You'd better leave now if you want to catch that plane."

"You're coming with us, of course. To South Sudan," Jeanne said insistently, getting into Tony's space where he stood in the doorway.

"No. I'm not. And please step back. This is a private room." How could Jeanne think he'd go anywhere with her? Out of the corner of his eye, Tony saw his colleagues gathering behind her in the hall. McGee was at the front, Abby clinging to him, listening in on their conversation.

"But Agent McGee told me you never miss any away team and I need–"

Tony looked past her to McGee, and raised his eyebrows, mouthing 'away team?' McGee shrugged. "Dr. Benoit, whatever you need, I'm not the man to give it to you," Tony said firmly.

"Of course you are, Tony…"

"You need to address me as Special Agent DiNozzo, ma'am."

Tears formed in Jeanne's beautiful pale eyes. "But we share a past and… more. It has been really difficult for me, but I forgive you for all the pretense, all the pain you caused. I know it was only so you could get close to me, and that your director ordered you to do it. We belong together, Tony. You know that, I know you do!"

Tony found he was not at all moved by her words. "You're referring to the past where you made a case of accusing me of murder?" he asked sarcastically. "I'd rather forget it, and everything else associated with you, thank you very much. Now, if you don't leave, you'll miss the flight. Think of your husband, Dr. Woods."

Jeanne's soft, sweet expression hardened. "How dare you? After you seduced me to get to my father, and accused him of being an arms dealer… Damn it, Tony, I know it was your job, but you loved me. I know you did and I can tell, in my heart, you still do!"

Tony could feel everyone's eyes on him, and he knew he shouldn't say what was on his mind, but at that point, he was frustrated and a bit angry, and really didn't care what any of these people thought. All he wanted was to be alone with Jethro. Jethro must have known what he was about to say, because when Tony turned to look at him, and met his eyes, he gave him a crooked smile and nodded.

Tony turned back to his colleagues, and everything just came spilling out of his mouth without any preparation. He said, loudly enough for everyone to hear, "I'm not interested in you, and I never will be. I'm gay, and I'm in a committed relationship with the man I love, and that man, for some unknown reason, tells me he loves me like fucking crazy. He's not prone to exaggeration, so I guess I'll have to accept that it's the truth. Now, have a good trip, everyone, and Tim, watch your back. You'll need to hurry or you'll miss the flight."

At that, Tony shut the door on all of them, ignored the shrieks and exclamations coming from the other side of it, and turned to the man in the hospital bed. With a laugh, he said, "Wow! Okay! I can't believe I said that." He took a deep breath and rubbed his hands together. "So, Jethro, let's figure out a way we can get you out of here."

Jethro laughed, which was just about the best sound Tony had ever heard.

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