Ch 109
"You continue to amaze me, Kurt. So the electric going out for six hours overnight didn't harm anything?" Cooper asked, watching Kurt scurry around the kitchen in his apron.
"All is well. I just didn't open the refrigerator or the freezer and nothing's worse for wear, I promise."
"It's almost time!" Blaine yelled from the bathroom, adjusting his belt as he strolled into the hallway. "And what's with the stupid power outages anyway? That's the third time in two months!"
"It happens all the time. I think after Hurricane Sandy some things just didn't get fixed the way they should have. Since then it happens more often than it ever used to…brown outs, blackouts, etc.," Cooper explained, snagging a stuffed mushroom from a tray that Kurt pulled from the oven. Kurt slapped at Cooper's hand and he nearly dropped his pilfered snack.
"Ok, I think we're all set. The food's ready, the punch is sufficiently spiked – obviously, Maggie can't have this punch, so I made her another pitcher without booze - and the decorations are fabulous, if I do say so myself," Kurt said, feigning shyness.
"And you should say so, as you're absolutely right. I am beyond stunned, Kurt. This is absolutely magnificent. How in the world did you find the time to do all this!?" Blaine raved. "I'm speechless. Are you sure this is our apartment because it looks like a high-end photo shoot location."
"Well, I do try," Kurt blushed then batted his eyelashes at his fiancé.
"I agree, Kurt. This is fantastic. She'll be beside herself when she sees it. You're sure there's nothing else I can help with? Mags will be up anytime now…you told her 1 o'clock, right?" Cooper asked. "She's gonna shit a brick, man."
"Coop, you said a bad word," Mattie blurted, shaking his head with a roll of his eyes.
"I know, I know, 25 cents in the swear jar!" Cooper grumbled.
"Mom says if you don't change your ways 'we'll be going to Disney next summer on the contents of the swear jar alone!'" Evee grinned, now two teeth missing from the front of her sweet smile.
"Mom says…" Cooper mimicked, eyes rolled up and nose scrunched as he reached for the little girl and tickled her senseless. As she squealed, Blaine looked up from the tray he was putting in the oven and smiled at the two. Mattie took that opportunity to jump on Coop's back and join in the fun.
"I can't imagine why you don't want them to stay for the party, Kurt. I mean, add in a little sugar from all those pink and blue baby cupcakes and we're all set," Blaine teased.
"STOP. STOP it…I'm…no fair, you're bigger than us and…" Evee giggled uncontrollably and couldn't even finish her sentences as she writhed and flailed on the sofa, Mattie next to her doing the same. They looked like they were having seizures the way they were flopping around like fish out of water.
"You're the one who had to run off at the mouth about the dang swear jar! Take your punishment like a man!" Cooper laughed, tickling them even more. Mattie tried to make a break for it but Coop shot a long arm out after him and pulled him back into the fray.
"I'm not a man, though! I'm gonna pee my pants! Stop…bwahahahahaha! Stop, DAD!" Mattie yelled, still snorting out a laugh. But you could have heard a pin drop at the moment. All movement ceased and every eye was on Cooper, who couldn't seem to remember how to breathe.
"You…you said…you…." He began, but Mattie's wide eyes brought him back to reality. The boy was looking everywhere, at the floor, at Blaine and Kurt, at Evee…everywhere but at Cooper.
"Is that not ok? I mean…I just thought…when the baby gets here it's gonna call you…um…daddy…and I…I thought maybe I could…um…call you…" Mattie stuttered out, obviously unsure of himself.
"I would be absolutely honored, little buddy, if you'd…if you want to. Yes. Yes, that's perfectly fine with me. In fact, I think it's the best thing I've heard since forever," Coop answered him, tugging the small boy in for a hug as he said so.
"And me, too?" came a soft voice beside them. Evee looked unsure and Cooper couldn't have that, now could he?
"And absolutely you too, sweetheart," Cooper said, tugging her in as well, obviously choked up to the point where he could barely speak. "Because obviously, I'm the luckiest man alive." His grin brought tears to Blaine's eyes and he turned to see Kurt watching them fondly and biting his bottom lip. Blaine saw a movement from the stairs and saw Maggie there, tears running down her own cheeks as she smiled brilliantly at the three of them sitting on the sofa, Coop holding both of the kids in a tight hug. Blaine gave her a wink, then took Kurt's hand and led him down the hall to the bedroom, giving his brother's family a few moments alone.
Behind the closed bedroom door, Blaine was a bit choked up himself.
"That'll be us, someday. Some little person is going to call you…and me…'daddy'," he said, watching Kurt's face as he did so. Kurt smiled softly and took a deep breath.
"Yeah…" he breathed, a little choked up himself. "Yeah…someday. Wedding first, though, right?"
"Yep, wedding first. Which reminds me, did you get in touch with—"
"OH! I did!" Kurt answered excitedly, but then visibly deflated at the same time. "So there's just no way we're getting married any time before the next millennium, unfortunately, if we want the wedding at any of our chosen venues in the city. It's just…everything's booked up forever and I'm on waiting lists and cancellation lists everywhere, Blaine, but there's just no guarantee, ya know? It's a little…discouraging."
"So maybe we're looking at all the wrong places? You said your favorite wedding wasn't even in a big, fancy reception hall anyway, right?"
"Yeah, well, good luck finding someone willing to rent out their beautiful, amazing, yet cozy mansion to us for our wedding, B. That was a once in a lifetime occasion, I'm sure."
"Maybe we could recreate it? Do you have photos?"
"I do, actually. When we brought all of my stuff back from Lima, I brought all the totes from the closet floor and my wedding scrapbooks are in there," Kurt smiled. "But I've looked, B. There's really no place like that around here that hosts weddings…even for the insanely talented Kurt Hummel and his equally talented and adorable fiancé, Blaine Anderson," Kurt pouted.
"Well, then we have to make do with what we have to work with, don't we? So how does that work…the cancellation lists?" Blaine asked.
"It's bizarre, really," Kurt snorted out a laugh. "I spoke with a girl at Gansevoort and she said, because of the long waiting list, people actually have reserved the space before they're even engaged so that when and if they do become engaged, they're covered…and then sometimes those relationships tank before an engagement. So apparently it's not uncommon that they get an opening and could possibly call and say 'ok, this date is now open…will that work for you?'"
"You're kidding, right? Who does that?"
"Well, not us, obviously," Kurt laughed. "But, on the off chance that it could or would happen, I think we need to be prepared for that and look into catering and flowers and all of those things so that we can make those calls if the opportunity presents itself."
"I agree. You'll have to drag out these scrapbooks and show me what you have in mind," Blaine grinned, pulling Kurt to sit beside him on the bed.
"I can do that. I wonder how much my tastes have changed since I started putting them together back in high school?"
"Probably not much. You're a man of fantastic tastes now, and I'm sure you were back then as well," Blaine teased.
"True. I do have phenomenally great taste, don't I? Especially in men…" he let trail as he leaned in to kiss Blaine's lips softly. "I love you so much. Just don't forget it."
"Never. My love for you will remind me every single day. And if I should forget, you only need to walk past me in these pants and 'dat ass will instantly remind me—mmmppphh!" Blaine giggled maniacally as Kurt whacked him with his bed pillow, both of them grinning widely as they collapsed backward on the bed.
"Kurt, you have absolutely outdone yourself," Maggie gushed as she walked around the apartment, eyes wide in astonishment. "I can't even imagine how much time and effort…Oh, God, and money…you put into all of this. If it wasn't so flipping beautiful I'd make a big to-do about 'oh, you shouldn't have' and all that…but I can't bring myself to say it. Because you're amazing, really. And you didn't have any issues because of the power outage at all? I mean -"
"Maggie…are you…nervous? You're rambling. I've never heard you ramble like that before. You ok?" Kurt asked, obviously amused. Maggie looked fidgety.
"I just…you know when you have a 'thing' and you invite people and then you get into that 'but if I invite her, I have to invite her as well…' and then it gets to be…too much…but you feel obligated just because? Well, I felt I had to include some people today who make me a little…uptight. They're ok, I guess, but in the big scheme of things, they're snooty and stuck up and just…I dunno…not the kind of people I really want to hang out with. But, I didn't feel like I could invite some people from work and not everyone. Talk about creating an awkward environment on the job, ya know?" she asked with uncertainty, nose scrunched up.
"Oh…well…yeah, I get that. I can totally understand that. Are you worried about having them here or…?"
"I'm not so much worried about having them here as I am just unsure of how they'll act and what they'll say. Not that they can – in any way, shape or form – trash talk my baby shower because goodness, Kurt…you've gone above and beyond, ya know? It's just…they're catty and kinda bitchy and…not my kind of people. They're work people, and I'm…I…" she stammered.
"Spit it out, girl. Tell me what's on your mind."
"I don't know how they'll receive you, and I'm mortified already because I know at least one of them will say something offensive in some way because she always does. She's just insanely insecure and her way of building herself up is to put someone else down. And I'm so sorry in advance, Kurt. Really I am. Had I thought it out thoroughly beforehand, I would have known better and not invited them…"
"Them? Now it's a 'them' and not a 'she'?" Kurt said, eyes wide.
"She's a bitch, Kurt, and her little minions hang on her every word. It's like high school all over again, gawd!" Maggie squawked, taking a deep breath and then letting it all out in a drawn-out sigh. "But, again, in my defense, she's sleeping with my boss, so not inviting her wasn't an option if I didn't want to get every shit job that comes across his desk before my maternity leave. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry for putting you through it…in advance."
Kurt snorted out a laugh and shook his head. "Oh, Mags…ye of little faith. Ask Blaine about Vivica McIntyre and you'll hear all about Lima's biggest bitch queen. She and I verbally sparred daily back in high school, and I learned, real quick, how to defend myself with words. My tongue is like a scalpel, honey, and she better just behave or someone's gonna get cut. I love you, but I'm not letting anyone steamroll you today, sleeping with the boss or not. You just relax and let me handle things," Kurt grinned. "Besides, you only have six weeks or so left of work before your maternity leave…and after that, you're all mine!" Kurt laughed, wide-eyed and rolling his hands around each other like a mad scientist. Maggie rolled her eyes at him and plucked a baby cupcake from its resting place.
As it turned out, Kurt had to handle a couple things before the shower even began at 2 p.m. In his haste to get all the food made and the decorations up, he hadn't noticed that the ice maker had stopped working. So, he left Maggie in charge of greeting guests with Cris by her side and made a quick trip to the grocery down the street for a bag of ice. He just hoped it didn't melt into a lump before he could get home.
When he sprinted back up the stairs into the apartment, it was full of smiling and talkative women. Maggie looked relaxed and Cris was being a fantastic host, chatting up a group of women seated near the piano. Kurt seemed to slip into the apartment unnoticed and began making room in the freezer for the ice after filling up the ice bucket on the kitchen counter.
It was nearly 2:30 when Kurt finally called the guest's attention to himself and made sure everyone had a plate of food and a drink. He introduced himself as Maggie's soon-to-be brother in law, Kurt, and went on with his hosting duties. They played one game, which Kurt deemed 'not at all cheesy' and 'probably acceptable' before refilling their plates and glasses so that Maggie could open her gifts. Kurt was a fan of parties, but not drawing them out for too long so that everyone was eager to go by the time it was over. Reel 'em in, entertain and wow 'em, and let 'em loose was how Kurt threw a party.
Maggie was holding up an adorable yellow, fluffy snowsuit to her belly when a group of three women climbed the stairs without having knocked at all. Maggie's smile faltered before she shot Kurt a desperate glance, but only for a second. Nobody else would have noticed, he was sure of it.
"Kendra, Shannon, Elaina…how lovely of you to…join us…" Maggie said, her smile painted on and forced. She didn't look angry, just not nearly as warm as she always was to anyone else. Kurt nearly snorted when he heard another guest stage whisper "…over an hour late…yeah, thanks…".
"Ladies, come on in, grab a seat. Maggie's just started opening her gifts. Can I get you a drink or something to eat?" Kurt offered. They all three turned in unison to give him a complete once-over and he apparently measured up as Kendra, who was obviously their leader, handed him her jacket and took a chair, leaving her minions to stand behind her despite open chairs across the room.
"Well, ok then…" Kurt mumbled, then turned to hang their jackets on the hall closet doorknob instead of folded nicely on his bed like everyone else's. When he returned, he made sure to amble around the kitchen while keeping an eye on Maggie. He wanted to hear anything and everything these three newcomers had to say if he could manage it without being obvious.
"I can't thank you all enough!" Maggie gushed after setting aside the last gift, her smile bright and her eyes even brighter and tear-filled. "You've spoiled us, that's for sure. Thank you, really…" she said again.
"Oh, wait!" Cris said, excitement in her voice. "I'm sorry, I missed one," she smiled, offering Maggie a rather large, beautifully wrapped box adorned with ribbons and bows. Kurt stood back and grinned a smug little grin, hoping she'd fall in love with her gift just as he had.
The paper was shredded in no time at all and Maggie carefully lifted the lid, gasping at what she found inside. "OH…oh my God…you…" she said breathlessly, eyes full of tears as she found Kurt across the room.
"Keep what works, and we'll sort out what to do with the rest after the baby arrives," he smiled.
Maggie stared into the box longingly until someone finally blurted out "well, what is it!?" and everyone snickered.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm just…overwhelmed…really. Hummel Crib?" she asked, excitedly, looking up at Kurt with a beautiful smile. He merely shrugged. "Is this something new? A new Hummel design?!" she squealed and he merely nodded, not wanting to bring the attention to himself at all. She pulled out the most adorable, tiny pair of pinstriped trousers and a coordinating sweater vest and laid them across her belly, giggling. "Oh my God, will my baby be wearing the very first Hummel Crib designs?" she asked, checking out the little designer tags inside, giddy again. Kurt couldn't help but grin widely at her mirth.
"Apparently so…" he said softly.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding…" she gasped, then pulled out a super soft little bow-tie to match the outfit, followed by an adorable sleeper with pink polka-dots from head to toe. There were so many little things in the box that it seemed unending. The wardrobe that followed was fit for a little prince or princess and Maggie was speechless. Kurt was proud but said nothing at all as everyone gushed over his gift.
"I don't know what to even say…" Maggie said, her voice cracking as she stood to walk over to him and hug him sweetly. "You've outdone yourself," she grinned, squeezing him tightly. Kurt squeezed back, noting that Cris had confiscated the box and was sifting through it, sighing at every cute little outfit inside, some for a girl, some for a boy, since Cooper and Maggie had decided against finding out what the gender was. "Tell me about this Hummel Crib?" she said as he walked up behind her to help with the overflowing box.
"Later…I promise," he whispered. "When they've all gone…" Maggie nodded and went back to her guests.
Kurt found himself in the kitchen, trying to get a jump on the cleanup when he heard them.
"…fancies herself friends with this Hummel guy, and I bet she hasn't even met him. You know, we were in Aria's the other night and I complimented Aria on her dress and she just gushed about it, saying it was an original Hummel and I swear, it was fantastic, but nowhere near the likes of something little miss over there could get her hands on…" Kendra spit, obviously un-phased that anyone might hear her. Kurt merely gritted his teeth and said nothing, watching the woman scarf down his spinach and artichoke dip like it was her last meal.
"...heard that her husband was quite the player before he married her…and who knows…I mean, a tiger doesn't change his stripes, right?" Elaina added, rolling her eyes.
"Yeah, well, I wouldn't mind getting my hands on him. Have you seen him? He's smokin' hot. She has pictures up on her desk," Kendra added. "I am SO game for a little fun time with Cooper. I wonder if he could be persuaded—"
Crash!
All eyes turned to Kurt in the kitchen as the plate smashed to the floor and shattered. He had to take a deep breath before saying anything, afraid of what would exit his mouth if he opened it too soon.
"Oh, honey, are you ok?" Cris asked, grabbing the broom from the pantry.
"Fine…just…slipped from my fingers as I was putting it in the dishwasher…so clumsy of me. Sorry, ladies…nothing to see here," he joked. "Thank you, Cris…" he said as she dumped the glass into the wastebasket.
"Can I help?" Maggie asked, approaching the island.
"Nope, but I don't think I met the ladies who came in late…perhaps you'd do the honors?" Kurt said, a pointed look on his face and a very forced smile. Maggie's face paled a bit and her smiled faltered.
"Oh…um…ok?" she said hesitantly. "Must we?" she whispered.
"Oh, by all means, my darling, we absolutely must," Kurt smiled. Maggie had a fleeting thought that this is exactly what the serpent must have looked like as he urged Eve to eat the apple.
"Shit…well…alright," she mumbled, unsure what was going on. She pasted on a bright smile and led Kurt toward the three women who'd come in late. She almost felt the desire to make the sign of the cross before approaching them…maybe hang some garlic around her neck or something?
"Courage, sweetheart," Kurt smiled. Maggie only nodded.
"Kendra, I don't believe you've met my soon to be brother-in-law—" Maggie began, but was instantly cut off.
"Oh, so you're the one who must make the big bucks, hmm? Nice digs, honey. What is it you do to afford this place?" Elaina asked with absolutely no tact. Kurt merely raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, well, I don't do it all on my own, my fiancé owns the building, actually, but I do ok for myself, I guess, at my little place of employment."
"So you're not the one with all the dough, huh? You got yourself a sugar mama, then?" Shannon joked. Kurt forced out a huffed laugh and hung his head as if he was amused as well as embarrassed.
"Sure, you could say that, if you had no tact, I guess," he replied. Shannon had the audacity to look offended. Kendra almost snorted. Some days these girls even surprised her.
"So you're the almost brother in law. That means you're shacked up here with Maggie's husband's…sister?" Kendra fished, a gleam in her eyes that Kurt had seen on others a million times. She wanted to play.
"Oh please, honey, I haven't passed for straight since I was a toddler and even then it was questionable. I had a tiara before I was three and I was throwing tea parties that would have knocked the socks off of the Queen by the time I was six. Let's not play coy, shall we?"
"Fair enough…" Kendra smiled evilly, sensing a kindred spirit. But she wouldn't be out-bitched.
"So you're marrying…what's his name again? Brent? Barrett? Bailey?"
"Blaine. His name is Blaine and he's Cooper's brother. Yes, we're in the process of making wedding plans, but we haven't nailed down the perfect location yet."
"Well, knowing you, it'll be the wedding of the century, I'm sure," Maggie smiled, knowing that Kurt could and would handle himself with these women. She'd been unsure but Kurt was proving that he could hold his own.
"Oh, I know!" Kendra clapped her hands together. "I bet you could get Maggie, here, to put in a good word for you with her 'designer friend' and you could get a deal on your tux," Kendra leaned in conspiratorially, her smile wickedly devious. "I've heard our Maggie is 'friends' with someone you might have heard of…Kurt Hummel? She's dropped his name a few times at work…" Kendra said, obviously doubting Maggie's truthfulness and attempting to make her look like a liar in front of her friends and family.
"Oh really?" Kurt grinned, winking at Maggie.
"He's the newest big name in fashion and anyone who's anyone has seen his clothing in all the magazines or on T.V. Simply stunning, everything the man touches, but he's apparently rather shy. Nobody ever sees him on a red carpet or in a magazine spread." Turning to Kurt she continued, gesturing to his outfit. "I mean, you clearly know fashion if your clothing and your stunning shower gift are anything to go by. And that must have cost you a fortune, for goodness sake…and all for our little Maggie here," she said, her inner bitch slipping out as she waited patiently for Maggie to deny having said any such thing and try to weasel her way out of things.
"Well, even though that compliment was buried further down than Jack sank after he was pried off Rose's floaty little headboard, I'll take it and I thank you for it. I like to think I know a little bit about fashion…I hope so anyway. But I certainly don't need Maggie's assistance in getting Kurt Hummel's attention—"
"Oooh, dodged a bullet there, Maggie…" Elaina snickered. "Wouldn't that have been embarrassing if he'd asked for an introduction?" the woman nudged Maggie with a wink. Poor Maggie was trying so hard not to laugh that Kurt was afraid her water would break right there on his living room floor. He noticed, too, that they had apparently garnered the attention of all the women in the room, save for a few. Clearly, these women had a reputation and anyone who knew them wanted to see how this played out.
"I'd take notes from Maggie, then, on dodging bullets, because I'm not sure you did, today, honey. I mean…that blouse and those shoes? Hmmm…really…no…" Kurt scrunched up his nose and shook his head at her in sympathy. Elaina looked outraged but couldn't find words. Kendra raised her eyebrows at his audacity.
"Complimenting your fashion sense doesn't give you the right to insult the guests—" Shannon began.
"Oh, doesn't it? What would give me the right?" Kurt questioned.
"Just because you happened to put a decent enough outfit together this morning doesn't make you a fashion guru, honey," Kendra sneered. "You obviously think you're so smart, Mr…?" she began, then just stopped, realizing she hadn't caught his name. The smile Kurt shared, then, should have been a fairly decent warning to the three of them. Maggie couldn't contain her mirth any longer and snorted, flinging her hand in front of her mouth, mortified.
Kurt stuck out his hand to Kendra and she took it, unsure, as he said "Kurt Hummel. I'd love to say it's lovely to meet you, but my mother taught me at an early age not to tell fibs," he grinned, trying like hell not to sneer. Kurt hoped for a more horrified gasp, but he was content with the one he got from the three women before him. He tried hard not to look too bitchy, but he was certainly failing.
"I call bullshit!" Elaina barked, making damn sure that everyone in the room was now watching and listening. Kurt merely tilted his head to the side a fraction and reached back into his pocket for his wallet, retrieving his identification. And there it was, in living color, Kurt Hummel, his address and his closed mouth smile for the camera.
"Ladies, it's been fun…and it was more fun before you arrived. I think I speak for many of the guests when I say I think it's time for you to go. I'd say 'take your gift with you', but don't think it escaped my notice that you arrived without so much as a card. Good day, ladies. I'm the queen bitch of this abode and believe me when I say there's no room for anyone else, so don't even try to play the game with me." With that, he strode over and grabbed their jackets from the doorknob before practically dropping them on the unwanted guests. "Nobody walks into my home, insults my beautiful sister in law, insinuates that she's a liar and oh, honey, the subterfuge in the planning stages..." Kurt hissed, eyeing her critically. "I'm sure you can find your way to the door on your own."
"You have some nerve!" Kendra blurted out. "Just wait until I tell Eric!" she threatened Maggie.
"Eric…oh, the boss you're sleeping with?" Kurt asked "And just what will you tell him, Kendra? Will you tell him you arrived over an hour late to the shower? Or maybe you'll tell him about the scene you caused when you tried to make Maggie look like a liar? Oooh! Or…maybe…" Kurt said excitedly. "Maybe you'll tell him about how you threw out the idea of seducing your co-worker's new 'smokin' hot husband' while at her baby shower?"
Kendra's horrified countenance was a huge bonus to the confrontation, and she was clearly distraught while Kurt was cool as a cucumber. Maggie's mouth dropped open wide and her even wider eyes swung to Kendra.
"Oh my God. I have NEVER—" Kendra began, her cohorts stunned into silence.
"Well, there's a first time for everything, honey," Kurt nearly sang. "Again…good day, ladies. Don't walk out in front of a cab," he smiled sweetly, linking his arm through Maggie's and tugging her away to Cris' side. Several of the guests had their fingers over their mouths, trying and failing to hide their mirth.
Enraged at being called out, Kendra and her puppets strode to the stairs in a huff. Kurt was certain he'd see smoke billowing out from her ears at any moment and he didn't mind that at all. As they stomped down the steps to the door, Kurt followed behind at a distance to make sure there was no trouble.
As he approached his front door, he heard the unmistakable sound of the kids stomping up the stairs from the entry on the first floor. They'd have to pass Kendra, Shannon and Elaina on the stairs and Kurt wasn't taking any chances with little ears around.
"Hi, guys!" Kurt grinned from ear to ear, watching their little faces light up as they saw him in the hallway.
"Uncle Kurt! We went to play mini golf, and we got ice cream, and we saw the ducks and goose-es at the lake and then…then…" Mattie carried on, excitedly, "then one of the mean goose-es tried to bite Daddy in the butt and he was running all over the place yelling and Uncle Blaine and me…we just laughed and laughed and Evee stood on the bench so they couldn't get her and…and…" Mattie carried on. His smile was a mile wide and he was unbelievably excited.
"Oh my goodness, that sounds like maybe it was the best day ever," Kurt smiled at him and ruffled his hair. "But you know what's also good? Grandma Cris is upstairs with Mommy and—"
"Grammy Cris!" the kids called with excited smiles, then flew up the stairs without another word.
"Ladies," Blaine said to the women in the hallway, then stood aside so they could pass.
"Debatable…" Kurt murmured under his breath, but Cooper and Blaine both heard him and he was pretty sure the women did as well. "They were just leaving," he said with finality.
"Oh, but don't manners dictate that you introduce us, Mr. Hummel?" Kendra said with a sneer, her eyes on Cooper the whole time. She all but licked her lips when she gave the brothers a thorough once-over. Blaine shot Kurt a nervous glance, unsure what was going on.
"Oh, by all means. Kendra, Shannon, Elaina, this is Cooper Anderson, Maggie's husband, father of their two children and new daddy to their unborn child. And this is Cooper's brother, Blaine Anderson, musician, teacher, uncle, and lover extraordinaire," Kurt grinned, giving Blaine a look that made his heart race.
"Yes, well, I've heard a lot about you both. Good genes in your family for sure, hmmm?" Kendra purred, and her hangers-on just stared agape. She was all but devouring Cooper with her eyes and Kurt thought she'd reach out for him at any moment. Cooper was completely oblivious.
"Yeah, nice to meet you," Cooper mumbled, clearly uninterested. "Listen, Kurt, were you able to find those things online that we talked about last week?" he began, ignoring them for the most part. Then Maggie's face appeared in Kurt and Blaine's doorway and Coop's smile lit the hallway like fireworks. "Hello, love of my life. You look especially beautiful this afternoon," Cooper beamed, striding over to his wife and gracing her with a kiss that nearly made her toes curl. He wound his arms around her and didn't let go.
"Mmm…well, hello to you, too. The kids came up and you two weren't with them. I wondered if you'd been sidetracked," she grinned, glancing toward everyone else still standing in the hallway.
"Oh, yeah, Kurt introduced us to…um…these women," Cooper said, waving his hand in their direction but never taking his eyes from his wife. "Listen, Kurt…Blaine…would it be rude for me to kidnap Mags for a few minutes? Will you watch the kids and entertain anyone still upstairs for a few? It's been…" he paused, looking at his watch. "uhh…almost 12 hours and I need…some time," Cooper smirked tugging Maggie closer to him, then smacked her butt. Shannon gasped, not believing he'd say such a thing in their presence. "Oh, sorry. Forgot you were there Shayna…other girls. We'll be right up…in a little bit," he said tugging Maggie into their apartment with a gleam in his eyes. "Oh, and Kendall, you have some spinach or something in your teeth. You might want to get that…little unsightly…you know?" he said conspiratorially. With that, the door closed behind them and Kendra huffed in annoyance.
"What is with everyone who lives here? Doesn't anyone have any manners?" Elaina exclaimed, appalled.
"You reap what you sow, honey." Kurt hurled back. "Now…you were just leaving, weren't you?"
"Kurt…?" Blaine asked, still unsure as to what was going on and his husband's sudden lack of manners toward guests in the hallway.
"Happy to explain it all later, but for now, we're probably needed back upstairs to wrangle the kids away from anything sugary. Or…we could just let 'em at it and send 'em home?" Kurt grinned widely.
"That sounds more fun!" Blaine laughed.
"Mmmm, you know what else sounds like fun?" Kurt asked, then leaned in to whisper in Blaine's ear. Blaine's eyes went wide and he took in a sudden deep breath.
"Yeah? Don't tease, Kurt."
"Love, there will be plenty of teasing, you can count on it," Kurt purred, glancing over his shoulder to see the girls still gaping. "What in the world!? Go. Go on, you've been dismissed. Do you need an escort to the front door? We've discussed this. You don't come into my home and treat Maggie as you did and then expect to be welcome!"
"You're a rude, vile man, Kurt Hummel," Kendra bit off, stomping her high-heeled foot.
"Correction. I'm the queen bitch of this building and I don't tolerate anyone's bullshit without calling 'em out, which is exactly what I did to you. What's wrong? You don't like it when the tables are turned and it's you on the spot? You can dish it out but you can't take it? Well, we like to treat people with dignity and respect around here, but only when it's deserved. You came in here with neither and offered neither, so there's no place for you in our home."
"I don't have to stand here and take this!" Kendra spouted.
"Looks like you're doing a bang-up job of just that…" Blaine blurted.
As if on cue, the three women's eyes grew round and they were left speechless. Before they could offer another word, Kendra turned and stormed off down the stairs, her tail between her legs, the other two hot on her trail.
"I love it when the trash takes itself out," Kurt smiled, leaning in to kiss Blaine's neck.
"I love it when you slide seamlessly into bitch mode. God, how you wind me up, Kurt. I can't get enough."
"Well, there'll be plenty for you as soon as we get rid of everyone. Let's work on that, shall we?"
"Absolutely…but is there any food left?"
"Why am I not at all surprised?" Kurt laughed, leading his fiancé up the stairs.
Hummel Crib was received remarkably well, and David was ecstatic with its success. Not only did Kurt design beautiful clothing for infants, toddlers and young children, based on things he'd made for Evee and Mattie, but he also took a wild leap into a few simple ensembles for the nursery as well. Late nights waiting for Blaine to get home from the bar saw Kurt with his sketchpad in his lap and countless designs for crib and bassinet sheets, window treatments, throw rugs, and any other soft covering one might find in a nursery. By the time he acknowledged that he'd spent a good amount of time on said designs, he had an entire collection to show David. And David loved the idea.
He immediately pitched it to the appropriate people and Kurt was inundated with calls and demands. They hadn't even nailed down themes and colors before interest had skyrocketed. To say that he was beyond thrilled would be an understatement even if things were still in their very beginning stages.
Kurt continued to pour out his original designs for men and women but David had hired a few new people in the loft to help out when things just got too much for the two of them, design-wise. Kurt was, officially, JUST a designer now. He didn't have to cut every pattern or sew every design, and although he knew he would do just that on his own time, he was ecstatic not to have to do so at work anymore. And he couldn't wait to have Maggie on board after the baby arrived. She would be his "right-hand man" on all things Hummel Crib. He hoped.
Over dinner at Cooper and Maggie's one evening, Kurt brought up Maggie's employment once again.
"I can't wait until your maternity leave is over," Kurt said around a mouthful of spaghetti. "The line is doing so well and I'd really love to have your input on some new ideas we're working on," he said to Maggie, who was listening with one ear while she dished out meatballs and garlic bread sticks to the kids.
"You may want to show me sooner rather than later, then, Kurt, because this baby isn't due for another four weeks," she laughed. "I wish it was sooner, though," she added, her smile fading.
"Oh? Have you been feeling bad?" Blaine asked, concern evident on his face.
"Hmmm? Oh, no, I feel great, really. It's just that…well, things at work are…um…not great. Kendra…ya know? She's been…challenging. I'm really just ready to be out of there."
"This is the first I'm hearing of it," Cooper chimed in, obviously concerned but downplaying it because the kids were sitting right there. "Are they giving you a hard time? Those snotty bitches who—"
"Swear jar!" Evee yelled out gleefully.
"I hear ya, short stack. Here…" he said, pulling a quarter out of his pocket and handing it to the young girl. She scampered over and dropped the coin into a pickle jar at least a foot tall….and over half full of quarters.
"Cooper…holy—" Blaine began, staring at the jar in amusement.
"Be careful, Uncle Blaine! Don't say it!" Mattie warned. "You're not safe from the swear jar either, mister!"
"Uh huh…I'll remember it, too. Unlike SOME people," he said, giving Cooper the snake eye. "But back to the problem at hand. Are they treating you poorly, Maggie?"
"Kendra knows I'm not one to rock the boat, so she's been…well, not so fun to work with since the baby shower. She wasn't super amazing to work with before that, but since then she's picked it up a little bit and it's just…frustrating."
"I'm sorry, Mags. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything," Kurt offered.
"No, I'm glad you did, Kurt. It was necessary. Nobody ever stands up to her…to them…and all the other ladies at work are infinitely glad someone finally knocked her down a peg or…ten," she giggled. "It's only four more weeks, and then I can be done with that place."
"Honey, you can be done with that place today if you want. It's not at all necessary for you to be there. We'll be just fine if you say enough is enough and give your notice. Actually, I think Eric would understand if he knows anything about those women," Cooper told her. "Go in there tomorrow and tell him you're done. You know I don't mind, Honey."
"No, it's fine. It's only a few more weeks, right? And you know I don't like feeling like I'm not pulling my weight. I don't mind working, really, and I'm very much looking forward to working with Kurt after the baby's born," she smiled warmly at Kurt. "If it gets too bad, though, I'll say something. Kendra won't want me saying anything to Eric, even if she is sleeping with him. Especially since she's sleeping with him!"
"She doesn't have her own bed?" Mattie asked, concerned. All eyes flew to him and Evee who were intently listening in on the conversation.
"Oh…um…she uh…she's …um…." Maggie stuttered out, unsure how to explain that one, and red-faced at her slip up.
"They have the same bedtime," Blaine blurted. "So when mommy said that, she meant they were sleeping together, like at the same time, in their own rooms. I think maybe they live in the same building," he smiled uncertainly. Mattie just nodded and Evee gave him a look that said she wasn't so sure he was on the level, but then went back to eating. Maggie mouthed "thank you" at him and continued eating her own meal.
"So um…any news with the wedding plans?" Cooper asked, trying to change the subject.
"OH! Yes, actually, Blaine, I'd forgotten to even mention it! I got a call today from one of the places who put us on their waiting list. We haven't actually seen the inside of this one in person yet…The Pierre Hotel Rotunda…" Kurt went on, explaining as he did so about having an appointment to see it in two days.
Blaine watched him intently and realized, though Kurt looked outwardly excited, that it wasn't reaching his eyes at all. Something was wrong…missing…not right, and he needed to find out what it was and fix it.
"Wanna tell me about the frozen water and the quarter in the freezer?" Kurt asked as Blaine made his way into the apartment the following day. Blaine merely dropped his messenger bag and walked into the kitchen with Kurt.
"Did the quarter sink?" He asked.
"No, it's just…there's this frozen cup of water in the freezer with a quarter on top of the ice. Did you put it there?" Kurt's eyebrows were raised in question. He couldn't fathom what that as about.
"We've briefly lost power three times in the past two weeks, five times in the last three months. Every time it's longer, it seems. I froze the water in the cup and put the quarter on there on purpose. If the water thaws, the quarter sinks. Then I can tell that what's in the freezer probably thawed as well, even if the water is frozen again when I get home. The quarter can't sink if the water remains frozen…but if it sinks, that means everything thawed and we should get rid of it."
"You're a genius! Has the quarter sunk?"
"No…not yet. But like I said, every time it gets a little longer before the power comes back on. The first time it was probably only 10 minutes, and I was home that day. The second time it was almost an hour. I'd left and things were fine, but when I got back two hours later, the clocks were all flashing. The third time Trent was home and called me to say it had been off for almost four hours one day. By then I'd put the ice and the quarter in there, and because the door stayed closed, it didn't melt at all…it was barely wet at the top when the power came back on."
"So smart, my fiancé…" Kurt grinned, hanging his arms over Blaine's shoulders and kissing his nose.
"I saw it online when I was browsing through Facebook the other day. Everyone's pretty wound up about the blackouts and their increased frequency, I guess. People were bitching…"
"People are always bitching," Kurt giggled. He breathed in slowly and let the breath out just the same way. "I like this…just this," Kurt said softly, swaying in Blaine's arms now. "Have you thought of a song we can dance to at the wedding?"
"I have several in mind," Blaine grinned, his arms around Kurt's waist. "We can go over my ideas when you show me the scrapbooks in detail. I want a good look at the house where that wedding was held –"
"Blaine…I've looked. Believe me. I've been online and checked out everything there is to see around here. If there is anything even remotely close, which there isn't, it's booked forever. I don't want to wait forever, Love."
"Truth be told, I'd like to be your husband sooner rather than later, too," Blaine grinned. "But I don't want to rush to judgment. I'd like to see if we can find something closer to your grand plan. I know there has to be somewhere in New York that comes close to your photos in the album."
"Honey, I've told you. That was someone's private home. They allowed the wedding to be there because it was their daughter. Unless you're going to tell me your mother has some grand getaway tucked upstate somewhere, I don't think it's happening. But thank you for considering it. I mean…there are tons of other venues. We'll just have to find one that's…us. We have all the time in the world."
"We do…and we'll find a place, Kurt. I know it. But, leave the scrapbook out, will you? I want to go through it and get an idea of what's in your mind's eye when you plan this shindig. Will you run stuff by me?" Blaine grinned mischievously.
"Maybe. Maybe you'll step into the wonderland that is our gypsy-high-wire-rainbow-centaur-clown themed wedding and be surprised just like everyone else?"
"You're a demented man, Kurt Hummel."
"You love me anyway," Kurt smiled, linking his arms behind Blaine's neck again.
"I do. I'm not sure why most days, but I do," Blaine grinned back, and it earned him a "hey!" and a smack on the butt. With that, he leaned in for a quick peck to Kurt's lips, then sprinted off toward the bedroom, Kurt hot on his heels.
"So do you love it?" Kurt asked, as Blaine slowly walked around the massive room with his hands in his pockets. Kurt called Blaine's current outfit, and anything like it, his "throwback" look. Blaine was wearing a pair of dove grey pants that were tapered at the ankle and probably just a bit too short for anyone else's taste…but they looked spectacular on him, Kurt thought. They hugged Blaine's butt like a second skin and Kurt had caught the woman who was showing them around the Rotunda checking out Blaine's posterior several times. His loafers were expensive but well-worn and of course, he'd forgone any socks. He also wore a dark charcoal grey button down shirt with a black and white striped bowtie at his neck. To top it all off, Blaine had added a little more product to his hair than he normally did, although it wasn't quite the gel-met Kurt often teased him about from high school. He looked…absolutely delicious.
"It's lovely, of course…" Blaine replied, his eyes not meeting Kurt's as he continued to slowly stroll around the room and run a finger over the back of a chair here and a table there. "But is it what you want, Kurt?"
Kurt grinned and dropped his eyes to the floor. "We both know I'm not going to find that, Blaine, and we've had this conversation many times before today. We have to work with what we have on offer. It's a beautiful place…"
"It is…"
"But?"
"For someone else's wedding, perhaps…"
"Blaine."
"Kurt?" Blaine replied, pointedly, eyebrows raised. "It's not what you want. I only plan on doing this one time, and I rather hope you do as well?"
"Of course," Kurt grinned at him. "But if we wait until we find 'the place', we may never be married, and neither one of us want that."
"You're right…but," Blaine sighed.
"But?"
"It's our day, Kurt. You've been planning this day for years, even before we actually met, and I want you to have what your heart desires. I never want you to settle, Kurt."
Kurt looked at his fiancé fondly, took a deep breath and turned to the woman who stood silently off to the side of the room. "Could you give us a few minutes to talk about it?"
"Of course, Mr. Hummel. I'll be back in a…" she began but trailed off when she realized neither of them was listening. Kurt had walked over to Blaine and tipped his chin up so they were finally eye to eye. Kurt leaned in and kissed Blaine softly, a smile on his lips as he did so.
"I love you so much."
"And I love you. And this is why I don't want you to settle for something that's not your dream. I never want you to look back on our wedding day and say 'the only thing that would have made it any better would be if…'. That would break my heart, Kurt. You've been through so much…so much. Losing your mom at such a young age, almost losing Burt, being bullied and targeted, everything with…him…and I just…I just want you to have what you want, Love."
"I have you…so I have everything that I want, Blaine."
Blaine rolled his eyes with a flirtatious grin and a deep breath. "You decide, then. I'm not going to argue with you anymore about it, but let the record show that I'm not happy with a venue unless you're overjoyed with it."
"That's so unfair!" Kurt laughed.
"Perhaps…but so is having to watch you settle for less than you want and deserve. You pick, Kurt. Whatever you decide is ok with me."
Flowers in hand, Cooper took the steps to their apartment two at a time. Cris had the kids for the evening and he was going to have a fantastic date night with his wife. He couldn't wait. He adored those kids with everything in him, but he was overjoyed beyond belief to have a night with just Maggie. He nearly ripped the door off its hinges when he reached their apartment. "Hello, beautiful woman—"
"I quit. I did it. I told Kendra what I thought of her, I told Eric I was sorry I couldn't…and wouldn't…stay any longer and be treated like a doormat…and I walked out. I flounced, actually, I mean as much as one can flounce with a belly this size, but I got a standing ovation for it—"
"Please say you're serious…" Cooper breathed out in a rush of air, afraid he'd misheard because of the sassy music Maggie had playing a bit louder than she normally would if the kids were home.
"So serious. I mean…she was just…and they were all…and I just couldn't…not one more day, Coop. I couldn't. She's so…MEAN! She's just awful and…"
"I don't care. It doesn't even matter why because if you'd had enough, that's all the reason I need to hear. God, you're spectacular!" Cooper crowed and took her in his arms, laughing as he kissed her on her smiling face. "What did Eric say?"
"Not much. There was a lot of sputtering and slack-jawed confusion, but I couldn't do it even one more day. I had come across those witches in the breakroom snickering and giggling with each other, tormenting one of the co-op students and I just…I snapped. Oh God, Cooper…I just… lost it. I told Kendra what I thought of her and her little minions and how petty and bitchy they were. I marched over to my desk and started throwing all of my personal items in a box and the whole time I was packing I kept sputtering out reasons why everyone wanted to choke them on a daily basis. Nobody else in the office said a word, they just let me ramble, but when I was done, they all stood up and clapped. I felt…Oh, Cooper, I was on top of the world! I've never felt so empowered in my whole life. I stood up for myself and it felt…fan-fucking-tastic!" she gushed.
"Swear jar!" Cooper blurted, eyes wide and smile wider. "BEST DAY EVER! You quit AND you have to put a quarter in the swear jar!" he crowed, laughing maniacally.
"Oh, YOU!" Maggie laughed, swatting at him with the kitchen towel in her hand. "I feel…free. I hadn't realized how mind-numbing that place was until I walked out the doors and said to myself that I never, ever had to go back there. I laughed and cried all the way home. I'm pretty sure the cab driver thought I was having a mental meltdown, but who cares! I think I tipped him twenty dollars, though, in my haste to get myself and my big ol' box of stuff out of the car."
"Don't care. Here. Here's the twenty bucks back," Cooper laughed, reaching for his wallet and tossing her a twenty dollar bill. "In fact, take it all. It's yours as much as mine, anyway, wife!" he bellowed, smacking his wallet onto the counter with glee.
They were both laughing and giggling when Blaine knocked on the door and then stuck his head in.
"What the heck is going on in here? We can hear you two cackling all the way upstairs," he smiled.
"Mags quit! She walked out and left 'em all slack-jawed and befuddled!"
"You did!?" Blaine yelled, then hurried over and hugged his sister in law, leaving her with a smacking kiss on the cheek.
"Hey there, hands off the pregnant woman—" Cooper teased.
"I second that," Kurt snarked as he came through the open door. "Who let the hyenas in down here anyway?"
"Mags walked out!" Blaine gushed.
"No you didn't!?"
"I did! It's liberating! I'm on top of the world!"
"This calls for celebratory sparkling cider and maybe—" Kurt began, but stopped dead in his tracks when the music abruptly cut off, as well as the dishwasher and all the lights.
"You've gotta be shittin' me…" Cooper grumbled.
"This is getting old," Blaine groaned. "How many power outages is it now? Four this month?" They all looked less than impressed.
"Well, I guess it can't be helped, right? So we were going to have a date night IN tonight, but if you want to join us and celebrate—" Maggie began, but Cooper gave his brother and soon to be brother in law the death stare, so Blaine graciously declined for them.
"Oh, well, thanks for the invitation but I have to work and Kurt has…um…he has uh…"
"Some sketches to finish, actually, so…yeah. Thank you for the invitation, but another night will be fine," he finished, grabbing Blaine's arm to tug him toward the door. "Congrats on stickin' it to the man, Mags. I'm proud of you, honey," Kurt said softly. Everything was so quiet when the everyday white noise was taken away. Even the outside noise was muffled.
"We'll see you guys later, ok? Congrats, Mags. Take some time before that baby comes to just pamper yourself and rest. Yell if you guys need anything, ok?" Blaine offered.
"Will do, bro, thanks," Coop called as the door clicked shut.
"What to do, what to do. Ok, so…I know I'm home a little later than we'd planned, but I was hoping to change clothes and run out for that twenty-four layer chocolate cake you love so much at Strip House. My plan was to beat you home, set up the bedroom for a fun adult themed evening, and then a movie or something. What was your plan?"
"The cake, for sure. After dinner, of course, and it's almost ready…I hope. I'm leaving it in the oven until you get back just to be positive. But are you sure you want to go all the way there for the cake?"
"Won't take me but forty minutes if I hurry and the train is on time, right? You deserve the best and I know it's your favorite. The love of my life deserves everything her heart desires, of course, and especially tonight! I'll be right back…."
"And I'll set up the bedroom while you're gone, how's that?"
"That is such a good idea. You're just full of good ideas today, aren't you, Maggie Anderson?"
"I do try…"
"Ok, back in a flash!" Coop yelled as he hurried out from their bedroom in jeans and a t-shirt that had seen better days.
"Counting on it, handsome!" she yelled as Cooper closed the apartment door.
"What are you doing tonight, Kurt?"
"Well, I guess I could work on some sketches, but I have some things on the DVR I'd like to watch…you know, stuff you don't wanna watch anyway, so I may as well catch up while you're at work."
"You don't wanna watch with me?" Blaine pouted.
"Well, I can always wait for you to watch The Inner Workings of Italian Silk Mills if you really want me to—"
"Smartass…"
"But you like my ass."
"That I do. Ok, I'm going to work. Text me if you need me. I love you…"
"Love you, too."
Blaine dropped a kiss on Kurt's cheek, then skipped down the steps and out the door.
Kurt collapsed back on the sofa and reveled in the quiet of the building. It was almost disconcerting, really. He wondered if anyone was home besides Maggie and himself as it was eerily silent.
"You're an idiot, Hummel…" he berated himself. How the hell was he going to catch up on his DVR'd shows without power? He couldn't bake to pass the time. He couldn't sew. With a huff of breath, he snagged his glasses and the book he'd been reading off the coffee table and settled in a chair by the window for the natural light.
Maggie glanced at her watch for the fourth time in ten minutes. Cooper should have been back half an hour ago. He wasn't answering his phone, either, which wasn't any cause for hysteria yet if he was on the train. Sometimes there just wasn't any service down there. But surely it wouldn't take this long.
"Don't stress out. He's a few minutes late. It's nothing big…and at least the chicken should be fully cooked even if the power is out, right? Right…" she answered herself.
With a huff, she waddled over to the door which hid the washer and dryer and pulled out the towels she'd thrown into the dryer when she got home. Feeling them and sniffing them, she pronounced them clean and fully dry, filled the laundry basket, then carried it to the sofa and sat down to fold the towels.
"Hey, honey, what's up?"
"Kurt…Cooper left just after you and Blaine did. He was going to Strip House for that—"
"Oh GOD, that chocolate cake…a whole one or just a slice?!" Kurt asked, hoping they got a whole cake or even an extra slice he could beg for.
"Yep, the cake. But he's not back and he's not answering his phone. I shouldn't be such a worry-wart, as my mom always said, but it's been almost an hour and a half, Kurt."
"Yeah, wouldn't take that long to get there and back. Maybe they were out and he went somewhere else for dessert? I know he wouldn't want to let you down and come back empty-handed," Kurt said, attempting to placate her.
"Yeah…you're probably right. Do you think the power is out all over town, maybe?"
"Oh, gosh, of course! Oh shit, I hope he wasn't ON the train when the power went out wherever he is. They could be stuck down there for hours!"
"Oh…please don't say that! Coop doesn't do small, confined spaces very well. He'll freak out. Oh, Kurt…"
"Ok, ok, wait…let me look at my phone and see if it says anything on the local news pages about…" Kurt trailed off. There is was, on ABC7's web page. There were power outages all over the city, brownouts, they were called. Trains were stopped and stuck, emergency crews were working to get things up and running again, but there was no estimated timeline for everything to be back in working order again. Kurt told Maggie as much.
"You're welcome to come up and hang out with me until he gets back? Leave him a note and tell him you're here if you want to?"
"I might take you up on that. I'm getting stir crazy and I've obviously been sitting wrong on the edge of the damn sofa folding these towels. My back is killing me."
"Ooooh! I have new oils that Blaine got me for Valentine's Day and I haven't been able to use them yet. Come on up and I'll give you a massage. It'll be fun!" Kurt said excitedly.
"Now that's a plan I can get behind," Maggie smiled into the phone. "I feel shitty for Cooper, though."
"Swear jar!" Kurt blurted, then cackled. Maggie made a grumbling sound.
"Ok, let me put these towels away and I'll be right up."
"Door's open, come on in."
Kurt busied himself walking around and picking up odds and ends before Maggie came upstairs. He refilled his drink and made Maggie a glass of iced tea as well, he folded up the blanket that he'd had on his feet while he read, and he tossed his and Blaine's shoes into the bedroom. His phone ringing startled him in the quiet of the apartment and he grinned when he saw it was Maggie again. Perhaps Cooper had come home.
"Hey, girlfriend…"
"Yeah, it's me, um. Do you think you could come down here instead?" she asked.
"Oh, yeah, sure. Let me grab my shoes and I'll be right down." Kurt grabbed shoes and the oils and headed downstairs, across the hall and over to Maggie's door. He knocked once and then pushed the door open to find her crouched on the floor, kneeling in front of the sofa, her face as white as he'd ever seen it and she was panting and trembling.
"Maggie…honey…what…?"
"Kurt…I've already called for a cab. My water broke!"
"Wait…what? No…but…you have three more weeks before it's time. You can't—"
"KURT! Focus. My water broke, my back has been hurting all day. I thought it was Braxton Hicks but clearly, it's not. Cooper isn't here, Kurt. I can't reach him. Blaine isn't here. From the sounds of this building, or lack thereof, it's just you and me, honey, and we need to…OH GOD!" she growled, hands clenched into fists as she leaned forward and clutched at the rug between her fingers. "Kurt…" she mewled.
"Ok…ummm…Maggie, help me here. What do I do? Where's your bag? Did you pack a bag yet? Does it matter? Christ on a crutch, woman, help me! Tell me what the hell to do!" Kurt bellowed, clearly stressed and panic-stricken.
"Swear jar…" Maggie growled, then started to giggle maniacally as Kurt stood staring at her, stunned.
"So help me, Margaret Anderson—"
"Ooooooohhhhh GOD, Kurt! It…it's coming. The baby is…coming. Kurt, there is no way in hell I'm going to make it down the stairs, let alone to a hospital!" Maggie roared. "Call someone…do something. It's…the baby is coming!" she cried, panic setting in with full force. "Oh God, my baby is coming and Cooper's not here and they always say after the first one they come faster and it's…it's not going to wait, Kurt, I'm telling you. This baby is coming NOW!" she sobbed.
"Noooo, no, baby girl. Nope, not happening. We need to get you to a cab pronto! I don't know nothin' about birthin' no babies!" Kurt flung out, channeling his best Prissy, eyes wide as Maggie howled in pain again. She wasn't kidding and he was scared shitless. "Oh Maggie…please…don't do this…." He begged, but finally made his legs move and made his way to the sofa, crouching down next to her. Her sobs tore at him and he realized that she was scared, too…even more so than he was, he figured.
"Kurt…"
"Ok. Alright…we can do this, Maggie. We will. There's nothing else to be done about it. Clean towels?" he asked, dragging the laundry basket over to them. She nodded, hauling herself up to put her arms on the seat of the sofa, arching her back when another contraction hit. "Oh, sweet mother of all things fabulous…" Kurt mumbled under his breath. "Ok…um…I'm calling 911, alright? If there is a higher power they can walk us through this…"
Maggie nodded and Kurt dialed, setting his phone on the coffee table and pushing the button for speaker so his hands were free. "Come on up, let's get you comfortable. Where do you want to be, Mags? The sofa? Your bed? The floor?"
"…bed…"
"All operators are busy. Please hold the line for the next available operator…"
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?" Kurt screeched, his eyes bugging out of his head as he reached for his phone to throw it across the room. Maggie's desperate sob stopped him from hurling the phone and he helped her to her feet instead. Slowly they made their way to the bedroom and Maggie leaned on the bed, both hands flat on the edge of the mattress as a wave of panic hit her.
"Please tell me you were a fan of Doogie Houser as a child, Kurt?" Maggie asked, trying to lighten the mood. "You've done this before, right? Piece o' cake?" she said, forcing a grin.
"What's a Doogie Houser?"
"I'm doomed…" she whispered, pain hitting her again. "Have to push…I have to…"
"Oh God, no, not yet, they haven't answered! The phone…shit…" Kurt hissed, then ran to the other room for his phone. It rattled horrid hold music at him and he scowled at it.
"I'm sure everyone and their mother is calling because of the power outages. If traffic lights are out there could be accidents, and the trains are stopped, etc. I'm sure the emergency personnel are all out on runs…oh my God…what's going to happen, Kurt?"
Kurt stared at her, unsure what to say or do, but unwilling to let her panic any more than she already was.
"Then we do this ourselves. How hard can it be, right?" Kurt asked, absentmindedly layering towels on the bed, already anxious over the possibility of ruined sheets. "I mean, you've done it twice before and you have two beautiful, healthy kids who I adore, might I add?" he grinned, then grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "We'll get through this, Mags. Don't worry," he assured her. The beep on his phone caught his attention and he glanced at it hoping for a miracle. Could 911 be calling him?
"There is a God…" Kurt muttered and hurried to click over to answer the call waiting. "Hunter…"
"Hey, Kurt. Seb's out of town and I'm leaving the hospital in ten or fifteen minutes. I thought you might wanna—"
"Shut up and listen to me, Hunter. I need you now more than ever before in my life. HELP ME. I'm begging you…"
"Kurt? What the hell is wrong? What's happening?"
"Maggie's in labor, Hunter. Cooper isn't here, Blaine isn't here—"
"But her doc is at the hospital, right? Or any other OB will do in a crunch, I mean—"
"WE'RE AT HOME, HUNTER! SHE'S PUSHING. HELP ME!" Kurt all but screamed as Maggie tried her best to break every bone in his hand. The gravely growl Maggie let out terrified him and he felt his eyes water up. "Hunter, walk me through this. I'm begging you, tell me what to do. This baby isn't waiting for the cab or for an ambulance!"
"Shit…Kurt, are you kidding? This isn't funny at all…"
"DO I SOUND LIKE I'M KIDDING!?" Kurt yelled, his voice as high as Hunter had ever heard it, and panic was evident in every syllable he uttered. Hunter started running.
"KURT…" Maggie groaned. "It's coming. The baby's coming and you need to take my pants and underwear off!"
"Hunter! A woman is asking me to remove her underwear! If you needed any other indication of how serious this situation is, I beg of you, please…just…"
"I'm a pediatrician, Kurt! Oh my God, what the hell…Hey! Hey, I need some help here!" Hunter bellowed on the other end of the line. Kurt could only imagine him running through the hallways, up flights of stairs, his breathing uneven as he dodged people and made his way to the maternity floor.
Kurt heard muffled talking and Hunter briefly explaining to someone what was going on, then his voice on the phone again.
"Ok, Kurt, you're on speaker. I'm here with Dr. Mitchell. She's going to walk you through everything, guys. Maggie…how are you holding up?"
"Not…not holding up, Hunter. It's down there, the head's down there and I have to push. I can't…I can't…" Maggie sobbed as Kurt worked her socks off and then grabbed for the waistband of her pants.
"Oh my God, this is not my life…" Kurt all but whined, trying his best to smile for Maggie. He nodded to her instead and pulled at the elastic waistband of her maternity jeans, attempting desperately not to cringe. Elastic waistbands were the devil.
"Kurt? This is Dr. Mitchell. Can you tell me what you see?"
Kurt took a deep breath and tossed Maggie's soaked pants onto the chair in the corner of the room. When he glanced back, Maggie had let her legs fall open and he nearly swooned.
"I…um…I…" he faltered, unsure if he was capable of speech at the moment. "Deep breath, Kurt," he muttered to himself, then met Maggie's wide, scared eyes. "Pull yourself together, Hummel…"
"Yes, that would be best, Kurt," Hunter chuckled on the other end of the line.
"Shut it, Clarington! Ok…um…it's um…I can see what looks like a giant peach with dark hair trying to climb out of Maggie's…um…lady parts…" Kurt answered, his voice, again, painfully high.
"It's a vagina, Kurt. A. VAGINA!" Maggie bellowed and now she looked like a possessed person. Kurt merely nodded his agreement and tried not to pass out.
"Kurt, can you tell me, approximately, how large is the opening where the baby's head is crowning?"
"Um…maybe four inches? I don't know!"
"KURRRRRTTTTT!"
"Kurt, we need to help your wife through this, so I need for you to remain calm if you can—"
"My WHAT? No. Nonono….no wife here. Maggie is my sister in law. Almost, I mean, she's married to my brother in law. Almost. He's not my brother in law yet, but he will be because I'm dating his Blaine. I mean I'm engaged to his Blaine. His brother. Blaine is my fiancé. Cooper's brother. Maggie's husband. I'm gay. Gaygaygaygaygay as they come. Oh my GOD, someone do something!" Kurt squeaked as Maggie crushed his hand again and Kurt saw the head moving further out.
"Ok, Kurt, you're going to have to work your fingers around the head, away from the face, between your sister in law's vagina and – Kurt, have you washed your hands well? Don't touch ANYTHING until you wash well with antibacterial soap and water as hot as you can stand it!"
"If this doesn't kill me, I'll walk out into traffic, so help me…"
Kurt placated Maggie for half a second, then ran into the bathroom and scrubbed his hands until he was sure a layer of skin was gone. Maybe two layers. He looked like an idiot trying to turn the water off with his elbow but he was terrified to touch anything with his clean hands. He then ran back into the bedroom, dried them on a clean towel and made eye contact with Maggie.
"You know I love you, right?" Kurt asked. Maggie nodded, eyes full of tears. "I'm going to do the very best I can, Mags. I'll do whatever they tell me to do, ok? You have to help me. You've done this. If something doesn't feel right, you have to say so and then I can let them know, ok?" Maggie nodded.
"Just a thought…um…can you facetime Hunter? Would that help?" Maggie murmured, clutching at the sheets.
"You're a genius, Mags…"
"Kurt?" she asked quietly, already worn out and looking worse for wear. He looked up at her, trying to keep the worry from his face. "No matter what happens…thank you for this. Thank you for trying and for being here with me."
Kurt nodded and let Maggie set the phone up so that Hunter and Dr. Mitchell could see what was going on. With a resigned sigh and a pounding heart, he went in.
A/N As always, thank you to Suzanne for editing for me, even though her son is in a play this weekend and she's been working her ass off for it. Thanks to Steph for giving it a once over to let me know if everything made sense.
It's been a helluva last six months...lots of major changes around my house and lots of getting used to...stuff. I thank you for your patience with me and the story, and I hope you're still hangin' in there with me. I appreciate every single message you guys send to check on me and make sure I'm still alive and kickin'! I am...I'm just...it's been a little (a whole lot) nutty. But...all is well! :)
Have a fantastic week. Hugs!