I've had a stomach ache ever since my father returned. It's like I've completely reverted back to my original self before death; this nervous awkward person who's afraid of her own shadow. I must admit its been a long time coming if I'm being quite honest and it all started with the stupid stunt I pulled when I left Catelyn.
This new fear started with the existence of Asha. I could honestly say I don't remember Theon having a younger sister. He was the youngest or so I thought. I mean I think there was an Asha but that was the name of Yara in the books.
Wasn't it?
Ugh. I hate this. I wish I could remember more. I wish I had read the damn books but no I had to be all 'It will ruin the show for you. Once you read the books you'll be disappointed with the live action', which is what happened with Harry Potter. Not that the movies still weren't good but once you know how certain events play out you can't help but feel the pang of disappointment that hits you. The point I am trying to make is that I'm an idiot. I should have just read the books. It's not like the eighth season didn't ruin the experience anyways. Though I did hear that the author didn't even finish the series. Ugh, did I mention that I really hate this? I need Google or any search engine for that matter. I miss the days where if I had a question I could just ask on the internet. Even if it does lie sometimes.
"Sansa you keep biting your lip. What are you worried about?" comes my fathers voice from behind me on the horse. We had left Greywater Watch early in the morning and are now going up the Kings road to Moat Cailin. When we got to the road we met up with Starkmen who had camped out here while my father went to fetch me. Now the regimen consisted of over a hundred Stark men, Cregon, my father and myself.
"I'm not worried just bored." I say back quickly, too quickly but I can't help it. I was never good at lying or hiding my true emotions. I'm an open book. I feel my fathers hand take the bottom of my chin and tilt it up in order to see his face. The look he gives me makes my stomach twist and my eyes burn. I really am weak.
Pathetic.
"Sansa" he says my name quietly, softly, warm yet demanding and it really is my undoing, not that it took much, I feel tears run down my cheeks.
"I just.." I can't really think. I just what? I don't know. God I wish I was stronger. Or honestly I wish I wasn't here. That question keeps coming back. Why am I here? What's my purpose?
I feel my fathers thumb wipe away my tears but they keep coming and soon enough so do the hiccups and the snot and the uncontrollable broken breathing. I try to keep silent and try and not cry but I can't.
Another thing I can't do.
"I'm useless." I say out loud unconsciously.
"I don't believe so." I don't respond back just continue to try and control myself.
Thankfully by the time we make camp I am no longer crying. I stay close to my father not wanting to let go of his silent support. Knowing that if I do I would collapse once more in a crying mess. Once fathers tent was erect and his furs rolled out the both of us went to rest after father made his rounds around the camp making sure everything was well.
"So do you want to tell me what's been on your mind since I returned?" he asked while we lay in the furs. I was cuddled close to his chest to keep warm.
"I don't know how to say it." I respond quietly.
"Does it have to do with my ward?"
"Yes."
"Does it have to do with who her family is?"
"No… Well yes… or no… I don't know. Both." he is silent for a while thinking I'm assuming. When he doesn't respond I continue. "Theon should have come with you."
"Hmmm. You believe so. Would you care to elaborate?" I don't answer him mainly due to the fact that I don't want to give him false information. I don't know this world. It's clear to see it's not the same one I saw on TV. This world is unknown territory. Shrugging I pull the furs over my head, close my eyes snuggling closer to him.
"I don't know." I feel arms wrap around me and a soft kiss placed on my head.
"We will discuss this another day." He says, clearly insinuating he wasn't going to let this go.
It took us a total of four days to reach the Moat. When we finally took a step into the entrance, and looked around, I was in complete awe. The Moat, which had previously looked in a state of abandonment, was now in a bustling state. All the ruins had been cleared out including the walls that were a hair's breadth away from falling if a gust of wind breezed by. All that stood were three independent towers and the main keep which was placed at the center. Past the towers and the keep I could see tents and people walking about including women and children.
"Wow. This place sure looks clean." My father agrees absentmindedly. I look at him and see his eyes quietly take in what's before him. His gaze is cold and calculating. A look I hardly ever get to witness on him. I turn back to the towers and there flying from the top of each tower a Stark flag and just underneath flies the flag barring House Reed's mark. The thick blanket of snow covering the roofs and the ground made the area give off an aura of cleanliness.
"Well Lord Howland has been spending quite some time here more than at Greywater. There had to be something to show for all that time away from the Watch." comes in Cregon who was off to the side also amazed. I nod in agreement, having only seen Lord Reed come back three times since I arrived at Greywater.
"Come on let's go." Father says leading the way over the final yard before officially reaching the southern courtyard of the Moat. Standing there in the middle of a crowd was Lord Reed. My father dismounts and carries me down from the horse. We make our way before the assembled people.
"Lord Stark Moat Cailin is yours." Lord Reed says.
"Thank you, my friend. Please rise so that we may go inside and rest." Once Lord Reed rises the rest follow. "Shall we." As we make our way inside I see everyone disperse back to their previous activities. The Stark men who were with us on the journey also move forward and make their way to the northern part of the Moat.
When the party reached the main keep I was directed to a maid. Upon closer inspection I recognized her as the one who bathed me last I was here. "Sarra, it's good to see you again."
"Milady," she smiles happily and curtsies. Taking my small hand in hers I follow her making polite conversation. Hardly noticing Cregon following us having grown used to his silent presence while I'm around others.
"Tell me about this book." I say the minute we are alone in the solar. Howland having already anticipated my line of questioning pulls out a large leather bound book from the desk drawer.
"It's in the old tongue. As you know the language has been lost over the ages however some symbols are still known to some especially those north of the wall and the people of Skagos. I was able to decipher some of the words but not many. It will take time without outside assistance." he says while coming around the desk to sit besides me, laying the book flat on the desk.
"What have you deciphered that makes this book important in your eyes?" I ask, ever since I read that cryptic letter he sent to his wife I had grown immensely curious.
"It's not what I was able to decipher as my curiosity came before that." he says contemplatively staring at the book. After a second Howland proceeds to flip open the book toward the center and stops at the last page with writing in it. I stare at it waiting but nothing happens.
"Howland." I speak, tired of waiting for whatever he is waiting for.
"Sometimes it writes, sometimes it doesn't. I think it only writes when something significant happens. I have yet to truly know. I was hoping some writing would happen now so it'd be more believable what I was telling you." I nod my head in understanding but roll my eyes nonetheless.
"Howland I have never doubted you. So even if nothing is happening currently I do not doubt you when you tell me this book is self written." I see his lips twitch.
"I know but sometimes I find myself still not believing it even if it happens before my eyes. Many things are happening lately with no logical explanation and despite being a believer in the old gods I can't but wonder if this is real." I nod my head in understanding having had the same experience myself on several occasions. "When I first found the book in the tunnels I didn't think much of it but when I absentmindedly browsed through it I noticed that symbols were appearing on the page as if someone was writing." He flips back a few pages and gathers about a hundred pages before stopping. "This is where it was when I got it but this is where it is now. And if you notice the handwriting is different throughout the book as if it's written by different hands."
I take the book and flip through it catching symbols here and there. Those taught by my mother when I was a child before being sent to the Vale. I pause in my browsing when I catch a symbol or a series of symbols. "What do these mean?" I point at them for Howland to find. He leans forward and inspects them.
"I don't know. Why?"
"I have seen them before." I say not elaborating, my thoughts taking me elsewhere, to my daughter who continues to wrap herself in mysteries.
"Ned… Ned." I turn to Howland being interrupted from my thoughts. "Where?"
"Apologies. I saw it in a blanket I found my daughter wrapped in the day after her birth."
"Hmm it seems your daughter isn't done making herself more of a curiosity then she already is."
"So it seems." I grimace in annoyance. "Anything else I should know about the book?"
He takes the book back and closes it, opening it at the first page. He then places it on the desk and gets up to retrieve a smaller book from within the desk before returning to his chair. Opening the second book he turns it towards me. There are writings on the page first showing the single symbol on the page and giving suggestions on what it means.
"This is what I have been able to decrypt. It's not much but it gives me an idea about the first segment of the book."
"And?" I ask, taking the smaller book and looking over the symbols. The first symbol seems to mean beginning or origin as I flip the pages a man and woman are the next to be clarified.
"Well all I got is a possible origin story for what I'm not sure." he said while stretching back into the chair. "If you flip the page you will notice the next symbol I was able to decrypt signifies creation. Following that symbol is the sign for a beast or animal."
"Hmm are you planning on contacting the Skagosi for help or will you be trying on your own and confer with others here in the North?"
"I'd rather not bring others in and keep this quiet for a while." he says. "I'm not sure what this book contains but rest assured I'm sure it's not going to be taken well by the people of this I have no doubt."
I nod in agreement putting the book down in that second time stopped and a vision takes hold. Over the past few months the visions have become longer, more detailed and more clarifying in relation to my daughter. All these visions are revolving around a girl with brunette hair at various stages in her life. I figured out who the girl was by the 10th vision. This girl was my daughter's previous life. I know I should be shocked but quite frankly this explains the anomaly that is my daughter. It explained every odd thing I've seen her do that clearly was not part of the norm of our society but acted as if it was.
"Why do I have to?" the brunette girl of ten or so asked with a pout reminding me of the mouth of a fish. I smile at her antics before focusing on the surroundings. I always focus on what's around more than anything. I could not help it there are such strange and wondrous contraptions always in use or display.
"Because if you don't it's the belt." a black haired woman in her late thirties said while she stirred around pots of food over a metal box that seemed to be heating the food, even though it had no fire. Stepping closer to it I watch her as she fiddles with the buttons and rotating them. I saw one of the drawn circles turn red before a pan was placed on top. I then followed the woman to another metal box that was taller with two handles in the middle she pulled on one opening half the box in it there was shelves on the back of the door and inside it. She opened a drawer and took out various food items, some I have never seen and others I know.
"Ugh but I didn't do anything wrong." the girl sighs. I get distracted by the previous Sansa who is crossed armed in a chair.
"Do you want me to get it?"
"..."
"Dude just be happy she gives you an option I would have loved having that." another girl with black hair looking just like the women but younger walks in looking down at a small rectangular device. "Now just do it or I won't take you to see Iron Man tomorrow."
"You promised." the brunette whines.
"So, I can take it back."
The brunette child only scrunches up her face at the older girl and sticks out her tongue before sliding a thick book closer. She opens it at a marked page and grabs a book with lines in it and a sort of pen. I watch as the pen produces ink without the use of an ink bottle. Fascinated, I stepped closer standing in front of her wooden table between us. I watch as she writes in a scratchy scrawl clearly wanting to finish faster.
"I really do think you're being way too patient." the young woman directs to the older one. "You didn't use to do that before."
"Well before I was young and stupid and I regret doing a lot of the things I did. Being patient is a virtue." The young woman looks at what I assume is her mother before rolling her eyes and shaking her head and proceeds to pull the brunette childs hair.
"You pinche …" she stops at the look her mother gives her. She clutches her hand around the writing device and takes a breath before going back to her writing.
"I'm leaving bye mom. Have fun rewriting the Bible hermanita. I hope you learn your lesson on the proper way to behave towards your teacher. Noel let's go say bye to grandma and Tia Sandy."
I am once more back to the present looking at the book. I sigh disappointed that my curiosity was piqued but left without answers.
"Sorry I could not give you more information on the book." turning to look at Howland I wave my hand.
"It's fine I'm used to not getting the answers, instead I am being left with more questions." We sit in silence for a while gathering our thoughts.
"How's the rebuilding going? By when should I expect the Moat to be complete?"
Following my change of topic he puts the books away and goes to the pitcher filled with water. "Well it's actually progressing faster than expected most of it is thanks to the amount of people who came for work. Though I shouldn't be shocked people are always looking for work during these times with it being so limited." He hands me a drink and proceeds to sit down. "I should expect to be done-"
We are interrupted by a knock on the door.
"My lords there seems to be a situation with the young ladies."
After refreshing myself and lazing around in my temporary room I decided it was best to go and meet the new child now. So I made my way to the room across from me having noticed earlier guards stationed outside the door.
"Hi can I go in?" the guards smile at me and nod opening the door so I can slip in.
Looking around it's a replica of my room holding a bed and a small table and two chairs. At the end of the bed there is a chest which I assumed contains clothes. Ignoring the room I take in the child on the bed who is staring at me from a cocoon of blankets. Her tiny small face was the only thing visible. Her cheeks, nose and rim of her eyes were visibly red and I could see tear marks on her cheeks. Her black eyes had a shiny spark to them. The girl burrows herself and a minute later gets out of bed.
She is a petite girl and despite being physically older then me was my height. She wore a brown dress and leather boots. Her straight black hair reaches her just below her booty. She had cleaned her face while in the covers and her eyes which had been sad now hold a stubborn determination in them.
"Who fuck are you?" she said defiantly and actively trying to act brave but the tremble of her lip gave her away.
Cute.
Honestly children have always been a weak spot for me. I never wanted my own but I don't mind taking care of them or taking their side or smothering them with my love for that matter and that part of me hadn't changed in this lifetime. So I can't really be blamed for this, it's instinct at this point.
"Let go" she tried to push me off but clearly I was stronger.
"It's okay just accept my love and be chill" I hug her close to me patting her head with my hand.
"Get off me." She uses both hands this time. But all she manages is to get us on the ground which gives me access to use my legs as a hold.
"You poor thing I promise you will be safe with me. I won't let anything happen to you."
"Ugh."
"I know this is a hard time for you but rest assured I will endeavor to make you so comfortable you will think of Winterfell as home and me as a big sister." I reassure her by giving her a kiss on cheek which makes her face redder than it was before. I smile at her horror finding it amusing.
"I don't want to and I'm older than you. Eww don't kiss me." she whines looking away from me stretching her face far away from me. I bit my lip to hold back the laugh I want to let out.
"There, there all will be okay. Promise." It's like this for a while, her trying to pull away and me just petting her before we are interrupted.
"Get her off me." she yells to someone off to the side.
"Sansa," comes my fathers stern voice. "Let her go."
"No, look at her, she needs loving." I yell back, proceeding to rub my face into her neck.
"You're making her uncomfortable." I pause debating if I should let her go and looking at my father I have no choice.
"Ugh. Fine. Ruin my fun why don't you."
"Come on" he says as I stand up dusting myself off. Asha quickly scrambles to her feet and runs around the bed to the other side.
"But I'm getting acquainted." I pout looking down.
"I think that's enough for today." Reluctantly I take his hand and wave bye to the girl.
"I'll come again tomorrow."
"No. Stay away." I hear my father sigh next to me as the door closes.
"Not what I was hoping for," he says. I smile up at him.
"Don't worry about it. I like her. She cute." he looks at me rolling his eyes but the twitch of his lips was telling.
"We have things to discuss and then off to bed for you." I tense up and start wondering if he is finally going to try and continue the conversation we had during the trip.
Once in my room we head to the table with chairs around it. I was placed in front of a window looking to the west. Dad places me on one of the chairs and I cast my gaze outside not wanting to meet his eyes when he sits across from me but I quickly look away once I notice the weirwood tree. I had noticed it earlier during the day when there was still light out and I had quickly ignored it. No one had answers as to what had happened that day, only theories most of which were not good though I secretly agreed with them but preferred to ignore it along with all the other things that happened since then.
One such theory included me being a pariah to the old gods; I felt as if the followers of the Old gods disdain for me only grew after that particular theory was voiced out. They said my existence must not be right if the old gods deemed it appropriate to try and end me. However, Lord Howland clearly stated that I wasn't to be harmed. For the moment they left me alone and thankfully many of the truly faithful had not lived within the walls of the Reeds home. My father's voice calls back my attention.
"You know avoiding difficult situations isn't healthy." I was so distracted and nervous that I didn't really focus on my response.
"I know, Mom has told me the same thing in several situations." I say with a wide forced smile.
"So I've seen but she never tried to teach against the habit, did she?" he nods in agreement.
"Well in her defense I ha…" I feel my mouth drop. "What?" I see him smile, his eyes sparkle with humor and he lifts a brow.
"That was too easy. I expected you to be more guarded."
"The tree makes me nervous." I point my hand towards the window embarrassed and flustered at how easily I slipped up.
"Hmm. I'll see about moving you to a different room on the other side of the keep." he said, his eyes dimming for a bit as he got up and closed the window which had wooden doors. I hadn't noticed them before due them opening out and me avoiding looking in that direction. He sits back down and lets out a sign before looking at me and tilting his head.
"Can you explain to me how that box works. The one with...The one where you sit in front and stare at with your mouth open." He asks there is a boyish curiosity to the question that throws me aback. It made him look young. The smile before made him look young too but this look with the head tilted brown hair falling to one side made him look 'young'. How old is he again? Shaking my head at the thought I get back to what he's asking.
"That's what you're interested in, not the fact that I'm not your daughter?" I would think this would be a major problem. Some random woman from another universe is trying to play at being a child.
"You are my daughter." The words are final as if there is no doubt in his mind.
"No I'm not."
"You are people like to say you are a replica of Catelyn but those brows are mine along with the eye shape and this chin here." He taps my chin "also mine."
"The body maybe but…" I try to debate but he interrupts me.
"Your soul was meant to be my daughter as well. I like to believe that." I frown at him. "I believe that we all have past lives we just don't remember." I look at him thinking over his words. So what I just remember my past life. I don't have some otherworldly purpose here? Except for being Sansa. I bite my lip in trepidation not really believing I was meant for this world, memories in tack or no.
"How do you even know about my past life?"
"I have had visions of it?" I nod my head. Him having vision really does put a dent in his theory. If I had no purpose why is he having visions of me.
"So you believe I was always meant to be here?"
"Yes."
"I don't have a purpose?"
"Everyone has a purpose yours is probably more grand than the rest of us." I flinch at that and my chest tightens at the thought. "Don't worry I'll let you live on as if nothing is planned or being set in motion."
"I thought you said avoiding isn't good." I try to joke but fail to produce a smile to go with it.
"It isn't but as I said you are my daughter whether you feel like it or not. I want my children to be as carefree for as long as I can and despite you remembering your past it does not change the fact that here, in this life, you are three years old." I looked at him for a while, determining if he meant it or not. I smile after a while believing in his love for me.
"Okay...So...what did you want to know about again?" I ask, changing the subject.
Needless to say we spent the whole night talking about my old world at one point we had moved from the table to the bed getting more comfortable as the night proceeded.
Her existence is wrong, she should be here, and yet she shouldn't. Something about her has upset the balance. The timeline. There has been no quiet night since the day she was born. Her presence made an impact from Westeros to Essos to further beyond. In the Isles of Faces the weirwood trees burned, in the capital the Statues of the Seven were fallen facedown on the floor. In Essos the great fires of the god R'hllor's temple flickered till they were reduced to dying embers. In the desert the tribute to the Dothraki deity was destroyed. All across Planetos major deity altars were affected by the first breath taken. It told the deities of an intruder.
I could feel the Old gods' wrath and frustration as if in chaos amongst themselves. They more than others will be affected by the change. The Old gods religion was dying slowly, along with their faithful followers, in the hands of time. This new religion was going to destroy what remained of the Old religion much faster than anticipated.
The girl needs to die before the foreign deity takes a hold; however this task is proving to be difficult. She bears the mark of protection meaning no creature barring humans (and even they can be affected) will harm her. I would need to bid my time. My only hope is that she will not continue to bring any more change. Even though she has already brought in unnecessary alters in the timeline, not all hope has been lost. The ending that I have foreseen is still breathing.
A/N: Hi y'all, hope you enjoyed the chapter. Just wanted to apologize for such a late update. Sorry. I have had this chapter done for some time now just didn't post it since I felt it was missing something which I finally figured out what it was and I fixed it. Yay. As always my darling beccahyuga03 has proofread most of this chapter. Not the part I added since she was busy (I was waiting for her to proofread that part too but someone asked me to post and I felt bad cuz I know its been a while). Enjoy and if you have any question about the story ask I will try and answer them when I post updates.
Disclaimer: I don't own Game of Thrones.