Spencer stumbled into the apartment. He could barely stand on his own. After his argument with Emily, he found himself at a bar. His phone blew up with text messages, but he silenced them all. Nothing anyone could say to him would fix the hole he had dug for himself. If anything it would only make things worse.
He flipped over the back of the couch and landed with a plop on the other side. The room was spinning around him. He considered finding a trash can but that involved moving.
"Well, look who finally decided to come home."
Spencer groaned at the sound of her voice.
"You smell like shit," she bitched.
"Leave me alone," he slurred.
"You aren't going to make this a habit, are you? I'm not going to deal with your sloppy drunk ass every day."
"No, hopefully I'll vomit in my sleep and die," he muttered.
"Nope, you don't get off that easy. Flip on your side," she ordered as she tugged at his arm.
"Don't touch me," he said trying to slap her hands away.
"Quit being a baby and roll over," she said easily avoiding his pathetic slaps.
She finally got him on his side and disappeared for a moment before returning with a bucket.
"Make sure you get it in there. I'm not cleaning up after you if you miss," she said.
"Got it," he said giving her the thumbs up. "Now go away."
"Don't worry, I am. But be prepared for morning," she said with a hint of a giggle.
Spencer just closed his eyes and tried to forget the world around him.
(xxxxx)
Spencer screamed and threw his hands over his pounding head as the sound of obnoxiously loud music blared.
"Oh, I'm sorry, did I disturb you?"
Lacy stood next to the stereo equipment smirking as she popped some fruit into her mouth. Spencer glared at her as he slowly sat up and tried to get his bearings.
"Don't look at me like that. Not my problem you chose to drink so much last night," she said as she sat in the nearest chair. "Besides the fact you have work. You're welcome for waking you."
"I'm not going to work," he muttered.
"Oh, you're cute. You thought that was a choice," she laughed. "No, honey, you are going to work today because you can't lose your job. You're the bread winner of the family. There's no way in hell I'm getting a job. So, get up and shower cause you smell like puke, which you'll need to clean up before you leave."
Spencer looked to his left and saw he had mostly made it in the bucket, but he had gotten some on the floor.
"Hey, focus," she snapped at him. "I'm serious. Get a move on it."
"I hate you so much," he huffed as he stood up to start his miserable day.
"I love you too, darling," she said sarcastically.
(xxxxx)
The office lights hurt so bad that Spencer left his sunglasses on. He trudged to his desk, aware that all eyes were on him. He dropped his satchel onto the floor and flopped down into his chair, hoping everyone would just leave him alone. Wishful thinking of course.
"Hey kid, I tried calling you yesterday," Derek said softly as he approached the desk. "You alright?"
"Peachy," Spencer replied.
"You know I'm here if you wanna –"
"Yep, aware," Spencer said cutting him off.
He could feel Derek watching him, but thankfully he walked away.
"Reid."
He looked up to see Hotch staring at him from the second level. No more words needed to be said. He knew. Spencer stood up and made his way to Hotch's office. After shutting the door, he walked over to the desk and sat down in front of his superior. He couldn't bear to make eye contact with Hotch, so he stared at his leg that shook anxiously.
"You want to talk about it?" Hotch began.
"No," Spencer replied.
"You understand why I had to call you in here?" Hotch stated.
He nodded.
"Is there need to be concerned about your job performance?"
"No," Spencer snipped.
"Right now, I'm not so sure. Yesterday you walked out of here without permission, you were heard arguing with Emily. You're clearly hung over," Hotch pointed out.
"One time isn't cause for alarm," he said folding his arms over his chest defensively.
"Your past says otherwise," Hotch said.
Spencer felt the sting of those words from his heart down to his toes. The fact that Hotch only saw him as an addict tore him to shreds on the inside. He'd worked so hard to clean himself up and put that behind him. And nobody even helped him! He did it alone!
"Reid, listen to me, I need to know that whatever is going on in your life, that it isn't going to affect your work," Hotch said a little bit softer.
He felt the burn of resentment in his eyes. He was going at this alone again. They only cared about him if he did the job. If he couldn't do the job they would toss him to the streets. Forget about him. The realization that he was nothing but a brain to them made his stomach churn.
"No, sir. It won't be a problem," he said as he swallowed the bile threatening to rise. "Consider this my resignation."
Spencer stood up with Hotch following suit.
"Reid –"
Spencer stormed from the office and down the stairs to get his bag. He heard his name called a few more times. Derek and Luke stood up, blocking his path.
"Get out of my way," he growled.
"Hold up, talk to me, kid," Derek said trying to calm the situation.
"I'm serious Morgan, get out of my way," Spencer snarled.
Derek placed his hands on Spencer's shoulders, making Spencer shove Derek backwards slightly.
"Let him go," Hotch said angrily as he appeared only feet away.
Derek put his hands up in surrender and moved out of the way. Luke reluctantly stepped back as well. Spencer quickly left, pushing the glass door open so roughly it nearly shattered.
(xxxxx)
He had been searching all day. Finally, he found it. With his head down, he slipped the money into the guy's hand and took the bag from the other, shoving it into his trench coat pocket. He hurried off without another word.
He sat in his car for a while staring at the vile he hadn't held in many years. He turned it over in his hands. Watching the liquid move around. What was the point in fighting it anymore? His life would never get any better. He must've done something to deserve the misery he had reaped his entire life.
It was time to stop hoping for something good to come along. It was time to be realistic. This was who he was. He prepped himself, filled the syringe, and without hesitation plunged it into his vein.
Sweet evil, how I've missed you.
(xxxxx)
The door to the car opened. Spencer's head lulled to the side.
"Emmm …. Leeeee," he mumbled.
He felt hands grabbing at him and suddenly, he was flying. He felt the breeze in his messy hair. What a glorious dream. He opened his eyes when he felt himself land again. Wait, where'd Emily go? Why was Morgan here now?
"Goooo … wayyy," he said. "Emm."
"I'm right here."
He heard her voice somewhere near him, but he couldn't find the strength to get to her.
"I loovvv … youuu," he said with a small smile.
"Just relax. We've got you."
She sounded so angelic. Maybe he was finally dead. Maybe this was Heaven. Maybe now he'd finally be happy. He wasn't sure how long he was in this state but after a lot of movement he couldn't identify, he found himself waking to an unfamiliar bed.
He sat up and rubbed his eyes as he tried to focus on his surroundings. The room was decorated in purples and pinks. There were flowers and other womanly decorations around the room. His heart rate picked up as he tried to figure out what happened. It was at that moment he heard the doorknob turning and the door slowly opened. He sighed in relief when he saw J.J. peak her head in.
"Oh, good. You're awake," she said with a soft voice and a kind smile.
"Where am I?"
"Morgan's guest room," she said walking in with a glass of water. "Thirsty?"
"Um, yeah. Thanks," he said reaching out to take a sip.
After downing the cup, he looked sheepishly at J.J.
"Why am I here?"
"We were worried about you," she said sadly.
He wanted to protest. To argue back. To tell her to go away, but instead he clammed up.
"Spence, please," J.J. said as her lip trembled. "Please tell me what's wrong."
Spencer pursed his lips and scrunched his nose. His eyes fluttered as he tried to keep back the tears.
"Why are you pushing us away? Why won't you let us help you?" she said desperately.
Spencer quickly swiped away the tear that escaped.
"You can't help me. No one can," he said barely above a whisper.
"Spence –"
"I have to go. I need to go home," he said getting up from the bed.
"What? No, no, you're not going anywhere," she said putting her arms out in a stop motion.
"J.J. if you care about me like you say you do, you have to let me go," he said.
J.J. shuddered at the meaning. Did he mean let him go home or let him go … for good? He walked out of the bedroom with J.J. trailing behind. As soon as he reached the living room, Derek, Luke, Penelope, and Emily all stood up.
"How you feelin' kid?" Derek asked.
"Good. I, uh, need to go though. So, can I get a ride?"
"You can't leave," Derek said as he walked toward Spencer.
"I have to. Lacy is waiting for –"
"Fuck Lacy. Nobody gives a fuck what she is waiting for. You are done with her. I'm not letting her hurt you anymore," Derek said angrily.
Under previous circumstances Spencer might've been sentimental about Derek standing up for him. But that was before he watched everything in his life fall apart.
"You don't get to decide who I see and don't see, Morgan," Spencer said, feeling like a teen arguing with a parent.
"To hell I don't. I'm sick of sitting back watching her abuse you. I'm involved now, whether you like it or not," Derek argued.
"I don't know why you want to play superhero all of a sudden, but I am perfectly capable of running my own life."
"Ruinning your own life is more like it! You keep acting out like this you're going to get fired," Derek said.
"Oh, so sad. What will you do if I'm not there to be the walking encyclopedia? Guess you'll have to start working a little harder cause I resigned," he growled.
Everyone in the room stopped as if all the air had suddenly been taken away. They looked at one another shocked.
"You quit?" Derek said.
"Yeah, so now you can stop trying to fix me. Find a new robot to use," Spencer spat.
"Is … is that what you really think?" Penelope said like a child who'd just been scolded. "You think we use you?"
The pain in her voice almost broke him.
"Took me a while to see it, but yeah."
"Spence, we're a family," J.J. said sadly.
"No, we aren't."
"Kid –"
"When I was addicted to Dilaudid the first time, did any of you help me? Did any of you sit with me while I suffered through the excruciating withdrawals? No! I did it myself! I took care of myself!" he shouted as tears streamed down his cheeks. "What kind of family is that?"
"Yes! We failed you miserably then! I was scared for my little brother and instead of helping you, I backed away like an idiot, and I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! But I refuse to let that happen again! I am not going to fail you this time!" Derek yelled back.
"You don't have a choice!" Spencer said turning toward the door.
Derek launched forward, grabbing Spencer's arm. Spencer shouted and tried to break away from him. The two started wrestling with Luke hurrying over to help subdue Spencer. Penelope was sobbing as J.J. and Emily watched frozen in their places.
"Get off of me! Get the fuck off me!"
"You're not leaving!"
"Calm down!"
"I have to go! I have to go home!"
"No!"
"Relax!"
"She's going to kill him if I don't!"
The struggling stopped. On all fours, Spencer curled into himself. His face buried beneath his body. His forehead pressed against the wooden floor as he rocked back and forth in distress. The only sound was his weeping. A few moments later, he felt a hand on his back and turned his head slowly to see Emily kneeling next to him.
"She's going to kill my son," he whimpered.
(xxxxx)
A/N: long chapter for you all. Let me know what you think of this doozy of a chapter. A lot of emotions! Thanks for reading and I'll update soon! xoxo