Changes Can Be Made
Disclaimer: You probably already know… but I don't own Harry Potter… I only watch the movies and pray to receive my owl and letter every birthday…. I'm still waiting… X'D
A/N: Guys, I can't apologize enough for the extremely late update… :( a lot of things happened so I was unable to do my fanfics… but I'm happy to share that my house is now okay after being absolutely flooded, my undergrad thesis is complete, I am graduating in a few weeks and I'm about to get a job (temporary but still it's something ;D )… I'm gonna try my best to make it up to you guys with a few consecutive uploads this week… so I hope you guys can forgive me... 2017 was hell for me :( Please forgive me, guys…
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Chapter 30: Tearing at the Seams
Before she knew it, Hermione was heading to dinner with Lily. Dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a sweater, the duo went straight to the great hall. The glow of the floating candles that drifted above the only light while they dined. It wasn't long until the Marauders, including Remus who had a couple of bandages on his arms.
"What happened to Remus?" Lily astonished by the sight frowned at the boys.
"Prank gone wrong," Remus answered meekly.
'Smart… but he knows that's only going to make her-'
Lily's snarl finished Hermione's thought, "What?! How many times must I say it before you listen?! Enough with the pranks already! Sit down, all of you, and eat."
'Oh these boys…' Hermione 'tsked' silently. The trouble making boys began their meal, but the strange thing that made it known to the girls was their usual jovial selves were suddenly replaced with serious and quiet boys. The girls made eye contact, sending silent messages of confusion about the silent males. "Ah… guys?" Acknowledging her, they looked at her with such foreign eyes, eyes belonging to a stranger. Immediately, she clammed up. Something wasn't right… Something was off. 'What's going on?'
"Is everything ok guys?" Lily finished for her. The peculiar look they gave Hermione was also noticed by the head girl.
"Yeah, we're all good," James offered his tired, gentle smile.
Without any further questions, dinner continued quietly. Feeling the discomfort, Hermione finished up her meal as best as she could and left with a quick wave to the Gryffindors. Out of the Grand hall, she walked tiredly through the halls and corridors of the castle until she was met with most relieving sight, the moonlit courtyard. Sighing out her stresses, she laid to rest on the edge of the pond. The stone edge smooth and cool to her touch.
"And what has you so tense?" a deep rhythmic voice called to her.
Smirking, she had no need to look up to know who was talking to her. "Good evening, Reg."
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When Hermione was finally out of sight, Lily hissed, "Seriously, what's wrong with you boys?!" Their drastic change in attitude towards Hermione wasn't lost to the head girl. She struggled all dinner watching the awkwardness exude from her best friend. So fed up with the boys manners towards Hermione she stealthily dug for the truth.
"Nothing," James sighed.
'Yeah, like I'd believe that,' she rolled her eyes. "Don't play dump with me. I know something's not right with you boys."
"Maybe something's not right with Hermione…" Peter offered quietly.
"W-What?" the red head scoffed. Hermione had been through a lot, Lily knew that no one would be totally okay after what her friend went through, 'Losing your parents to death eaters, moving to a new environment, surrounded by strangers… who wouldn't take a while to get used to it.' "She's been through a lot, guys, she just needs more time."
"A month isn't enough?" James questioned.
That was the last straw. Lily's anger burst. "Maybe a month isn't enough! Maybe it'll take years to get over the loss of your parents! Merlin, have some sensitivity! You all were okay with her before, why change now? Do you have any idea how your change in attitude towards her might make her feel? You're all gits!" Standing up in pure frustration, she stepped over the bench. But, before she leave, a hand shot out to stop her.
"We need to talk to you." Sirius was clearly not joking around. Alarms rang aloud in her head. Something was definitely wrong.
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"So what's bothering you, angel?"
Sighing tiredly, Hermione looked up to the starlit sky admiring each sparkling crystal light that twinkled in the inky sea above her. "Congratulations, Reg."
"For what?" confusion sounding in his voice as it show upon his face.
"You've found me a new favourite place," offering him a sweet, honey-coated smile.
Smirking ever so charmingly he took a seat beside her causing Hermione to lightly blush. Sighing once again as they sat in complete silence. Hermione loved this moment. Just having someone like Regulus in silent company, enjoying the moment as it was. Not having to lie, to deceive, to pretend she was okay. She just loved this feeling of being an honest existence. It amazed her how Regulus seemed to understand this unspoken need of hers and he remained silent be undeniably present. He was so close to her, giving her attention without showing it. The way he was now with her was so… real… so honest… so warm. Closing her eyes soaking in the peace she felt, Hermione broke the silence. "When I'm here, I feel like I can finally escape the world… I wish time could just stop right now. I just want to… exist this way forever…" She wanted to escape her mission, her past, he deception, all the world. Her heart filled with misery and pain. Without even needing to be told, she knew that if anyone would see her; right now, she would be the image of complete desolation and sorrow. Unable to bear her sorrow alone, she opened her eyes only to be met with deep, honest indigo eyes.
She hadn't noticed Regulus move. Without her knowledge, the Slytherin had come closer to her, peering into her fair face. His eyes bore into her honey-comb eyes, coaxing her to fall into the depths of his indigo eyes. His hand gently stroked her cheek. A feather touch meant to calm the distress in her heart. Finally his deep, soothing voice entered the scene. "Hermione…"
She couldn't move, couldn't tear her eyes from his, she just couldn't… No… she didn't want to. The way he said her name, the way he held her face, her gaze, her heart, was so precious. She wanted to stay with him like this. "I'm here," he said. Two words made Hermione finally feel like she was no longer alone. Regulus removed his hand from her cheek and brought his arms around her. He pulled her into his embrace, soothing her silent, tearless cry. "You're never alone."
She remained there in his arms finally feeling at peace. Dumbledore's words echoed in her head. Maybe she should tell her friends? Maybe she should just come clean? Maybe she didn't have to deceive them? Maybe she didn't need to do this alone? Maybe she didn't need to be alone… 'Maybe…'
Unknown to the two, they were not alone in the courtyard. Hate emanated from a distance as a jealous Slytherin overlooked the scene.
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The Marauders entered the observatory followed by the Gryffindor head girl. They had moved here to ensure that no one would overhear their conversation.
"Okay, out with it," the head girl demanded with a voice of outright authority. Clearly she had no interest in the boys' games.
Cautiously, James moved forward. "Just listen to what we have to say… We think…" he hesitated, earning a defensive glare from his loved one. "Well, we just think that there's… more… to her than she's leading on."
Hermione was a touchy subject to bring up with Lily since the said girl was a loyal and protective friend. Especially if that friend has been through what Hermione had. Scowling, the red haired witch adjusted her posture folding her arms across her chest; a defensive move that silently commanded the boys to get down to explaining.
Peter moved forward, bringing out the Marauders map. It looked nothing more than an aged piece of blank parchment to Lily. Uninterested in the paper, she focused her attention to Remus for an explanation since he is the most responsible and level-headed, rational one of the group of troublemakers. The tired wizard sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Look, Hermione has been hiding stuff from us. Now, as one of the brightest witches in Hogwarts, don't tell me you haven't felt that something is off with her."
Lily's heart was struck, and not in the good way. Yes, sometimes she felt that Hermione wasn't being totally honest with her. She had constant nightmares, looked entirely melancholy at times or absolutely miserable, even saying names of people she never talks about… or rather, refuses to talk about. Sometimes she wasn't surprised by things at Hogwarts as someone who's just new to the school should be. Honestly, Lily was curious about her but she just didn't want to push Hermione into telling her everything about herself after losing her parents to deatheaters. But Remus was right. She did feel that something was… different about Hermione. She just couldn't put her finger on it.
Due to her lack of reply, Remus went on. "We've noticed some things about her: first, she's always covering her arms–"
"Maybe she gets cold quickly," Lily cut him off.
"Always? There has never been a moment I've seen her without something covering her arm. Have you?" he retorted.
'No…' She said nothing aloud, confirming his comeback. "Second, we know little about her even after a whole month. Even basic information like hometown or even birth date, she never tells us. All we know is that she survived after deatheaters killed her parents and Dumbledore brought her here. The lack of information is suspicious, is it not?" Again, his question was met with another pregnant silence from Lily. "Next," he went on, "she has a very dangerous temperament towards Slytherins, far more than any witch or wizard I've ever seen."
"Yes, but they deserve it. Maybe she's just so fed up with their attitude. Plus, she's not like that to all Slytherins." Her attention shifted to Sirius silently communicating the names. "Anyway, most of the Slytherins tend to be inclined towards His side."
"Yes, well, she's only different to Regulus and Severus as far as we know," Remus stated. "But that doesn't negate the fact that she knows that. How would she know that from her first day here? If this is really her first time here at Hogwarts," he speculated. Everyone in the observatory went silent. It was making more sense the more Remus talked, even Lily couldn't deny it. What Remus was saying was logically sound. He continued, "Also, she disappears or leaves suddenly without anyone's knowledge of where she is going."
Lily wanted to argue that perhaps Hermione just wanted alone time. But she really had no idea where Hermione goes off on her own. Hermione was very secretive and as Remus talked, the more Lily felt she couldn't trust Hermione. The guilt sank into her heart at that thought. "You're all not going to turn me against Hermione. Yes, she's secretive but I think we should give her more time to open to us. You can't just jump to conclusions like this. I'm shocked by you boys… you're supposed to be her friends," the tears swelled in her eyes. "Especially you Sirius," she turned to the said boy.
He growled, "This hurts me, Lily. I hate this, I don't want to feel this way, but I just think we should know what she's hiding… No matter how much I want to argue against this, we honestly don't know who she is. You know what I'm talking about. You feel the same way too, we see it now."
She gulped, trying hard to push away the truth in his words. He was right. She knew that. She just didn't want to hear it.
"That's not all," a soft voice broke the heavy silent tension in the room. Lily watched as Peter brought the parchment forward. "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good," he recited and tapped the parchment. What was once a blank, old paper now had ink swirling and spreading throughout the parchment, marking places and people. Footsteps appeared and disappeared as students and teachers moved about the Hogwarts castle. "Even her name doesn't match up," he confessed.
Examining the map, Lily's eyes narrowed on a single name in the courtyard. "Granger…" she whispered. "Is this a joke?" Lily asked incredulously. "You expect me to believe that just from this… magic map that she's a completely different person because of a name? It's probably just a mistake."
A warm hand enveloped her hand, "Lily," James whispered softly, a comforting sound to her. "The Marauder's Map never lies. Her last name is not Grace."
Lily swallowed hard. This was a lot to take in, too much for her to comprehend. She couldn't understand why Hermione would lie to her about her own name. Did she not trust them enough? Was she really not the person she said she was? Why would she lie to them? Rather, why would she lie to Lily? Her best friend? Or maybe Lily was mistaken? Maybe to Hermione, she wasn't a best friend? Pain hit Lily like a freight train. Shaking her head to throw out the conclusions she was jumping to, her gaze turned to the boys. "Hogsmeade weekend is in a couple of days. Let's just leave this until after Hogsmeade. After, we'll confront her about this."
They all agreed. No wonder Lily was the Gryffindor head girl. She was very reliable and level-headed in all situations. A logical, brilliant witch.
"Another thing," James said as he peered at the map. "Padfoot, she's with Regulus."
The Black boy stiffened immediately. His eyes darkened considerably as a serious aura took over him. "Where?"
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"Mione, it's late," a voice echoed dangerously through the courtyard.
Pulled from her moment of tranquil she turned to find the voice's owner, only to make eye contact with a very threatening looking Sirius. "Sirius, what are you doing here?"
"Just making sure you're safe," his eyes flashed angry threats silently to his brother beside her.
Regulus scoffed, "I can assure you, Sirius," he all but spat the name in disgust, "she's safest with me."
"Oh?" Sirius stalked forward like a hunter eyeing his prey. "Safe? With you? A snake? She's in the most danger with you."
The two boys glared murderously at each other; the once peaceful, calming courtyard now a suffocating battlefield of the two brothers. "Enough boys," Hermione commanded with practiced authority that she gained after years of scolding and cautioning Harry and Ron. "I am in no danger, Sirius, and I can take care of myself. Reg, he's right though. It is late, so we should all," she emphasized, "go back to our dorms."
"I agree with Mi on that," another voiced chimed in.
A relieved smile blew out on Hermione's features as her best friend came to rescue her from the increasingly awkward situation. Lily sternly looked over the boys saying only four words: "To your dorms now." Without any other words, the boys glared at each other before separating to go to their respective dorms. Lily linked her arm with Hermione's as they leisurely made their way to the Gryffindor dorm. "Do I want to know what was going on?"
Laughing jovially, "No, you do not, Lil."
"Fine, have it your way," she poked her tongue out at Hermione. "But, you know, I hate love triangles and you, Miss Grace, are stuck in a very messy one… you've got brothers to deal with. Sheesh, you're one complicated gal."
"Hey!" Hermione playfully smacked her on the arm. They continued in comfortable silence until they reached their dorm. "Thanks, Lil."
"What are friends for, Mi," she smiled warmly. "No matter what, I've always got your back," Lily said before leaving her for one last round of the school.
Her last words echoed in Hermione's head as she entered the common room of Gryffindor. Questions filled her head as she walked aimlessly through the common room. 'Would she really? I'm constantly lying to her… Would she still be so loving towards me if she knew the truth? She'd be so hurt when she finds out I've been feeding her nothing but lies… She'll never talk to me… What are you doing, Hermione…'
Suddenly, a hand grabbed her wrist. Instantly, Hermione had her wand in hand and pointed at the throat of the person brave enough to attack her. She heaved as she glared into indigo eyes.
"Relax, Mione, it's just me."
Immediately fixing herself, "Sorry about that, Sirius… I just don't like people sneaking up on me."
"I got that," he winked. "Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for my behaviour tonight."
'This is new,' Hermione thought stunned at the mature attitude of the young marauder. "It's fine. I know you were just worried. Goodnight, Sirius."
"Wait a sec, that's not all," he tugged her to the sofa facing the fireplace. "Mione… I know I can't stop you from seeing… him… but just… please try to limit the amount of time you spend with him alone."
"Sirius, I know how you feel about your brother, but he's really not that bad," she reasoned with him.
Sighing, Sirius continued, "It's not just him, Mione." He looked deeply into her brown eyes, "There are some Slytherin that are too proud to the point that having another Slytherin hanging out with a Gryffindor is worse than death. They may do something to you and I couldn't stand that. I'm just worried about you…"
Hermione brushed the side of his face gently, "Sirius, I know that you worry for me. It's very sweet of you, but trust in me. I can take care of myself. No Slytherin is going to harm me. Don't worry." She smiled confidently, "It's late, we need to sleep… and we need to do that before Lil comes back," she joked. She stood, wished him a goodnight and headed for her room.
"Mione?"
"Yes?"
"Have you ever lied to me?"
Silence responded to Sirius' question. Hermione's heart pounded in her chest. She knew she had to say something but then again she couldn't bring herself to lie again to his face. She slowly turned to face him and smiled a sad smile. "Only when necessary… Goodnight, Sirius."
She was honest for this one moment, but only because she was too tired, too exhausted to lie to him again. For the first time, she was openly truthful to him and for the first time she was also regretful for her choices. But what could she do? She had made her bed and she was prepared to lay her exhausted heart in it. She knew it already, but everything was already beginning to fall apart… She just knew it.
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Sirius stayed there in the common room for another hour after Hermione had left, his mind still replaying the last moment of the evening. She had admitted to lying to him. She had been honest enough to tell him that. His mind scrambled to try and comprehend the puzzle Hermione proved herself to be. She was obviously not a bad person because she was able to be honest to him but why was it necessary to lie to him and when was it necessary. His wracked his mind to make sense of the revelation. Should he share this with the boys? The more he found out about Hermione, the more painful it became for him to trust in Hermione. 'Who exactly is she?'
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A/N: I know, shorter than usual, but I will also upload chapter 31 so I hope it'll sort of make up for it ;) hehehe I love you guys! Thank you for your support! :) You guys are amazing :) Hogsmeade is up next so please stay tuned... ;)
Mischief Managed ;)