A/N: In case you haven't noticed by now, this story will be honoring Joss Whedon's dark season 6. I will have Buffy and Spike reunited soon though, I promise. Reviews help though :)

Chapter Seven: Confessions

The car ride back to the house was even more tense than the one to the school. Buffy was Buffy again, which Faith and Finley both seemed to be grateful for. She hadn't spoken a word to either of them though. Faith could honestly say that today had bought up more questions to ask then answers.

She noticed the exact second the Sultana gave Buffy back control of her body. Faith didn't entirely feel like they were two separate entities. Sometimes, Buffy would have a certain look in her eye when they were patrolling. It was the same the look the Sultana had while fighting the Turok Han.

Faith had expected the Sultana to be cold and primal. Instead, it was the exact opposite. It was almost affectionate with her and while it tended to growl every once in awhile, it was deadly graceful in battle. Faith had caught glimpses of it before and realized how much Buffy had been holding back.

She wanted to believe that what the Sultana had told her was an exaggeration about Buffy being in pain all the time. She wanted to believe that the tell tale sign of Buffy being back in control wasn't the light almost draining from her eyes. She wanted to believe that Buffy's eyes didn't always look like that, and no one had really taken notice.

It had been over a year now. Buffy was better. They would have noticed if she wasn't. Right?

Faith couldn't help but recognize this Buffy from the night that Spike and Buffy had drove her to Sunnydale. They hadn't noticed that Buffy wasn't OK or even considered that a broken woman was still under an all powerful demon.

When they got to the house, Finley all but bolted out of the car. Faith knew something was wrong with her but right now, she had to focus on Buffy. She'd talk with Finley later tonight. Buffy seemed to be just as eager to leave the car when Faith stopped her with a gentle hand on her forearm.

"I'm still a little mad about you hiding information from me. But I'll give you pass until you come back from England to yell at you. But I do need to say something."

Buffy's green eyes met hers, almost pleading with her to just let her leave. "I'm sorry."

"Save that for the conversation where I yell at you and make you feel really guilty for lying to me. If you want to be angry and dark and twisty, do it with me-not by yourself. Please just tell me what's going on with you."

Buffy took a deep shuddering breath. "I don't want to feel like this forever. I hate...all of this. I love my sister and my friends but I'm not the same Buffy they lost. When I came back, I wasn't the same and now I have to figure out who I am with the Sultana inside of me. I have to be a ghost everyday. The friend they lost, the sister she missed...the woman he fell in love with. If I just be me, I don't think they'd accept who I've become. And then I realize that one day, I won't have to pretend anymore. I'll be alone-"

"Buffy-"

"And I feel relieved," she whispered shamefully. "Spike left and I felt relieved."

The words rushed out of Buffy's mouth, grateful to have someone to vent to. But after they were said, she felt the weight of the feelings she had just articulated. She was holding her breath, waiting for Faith to respond.

"When Spike left, you left too. That means something more. He just wants you to be happy and, whatever that means to you, he will understand. We all would."

Buffy sighed. "I should have told you about the Turok Hans."

"Why didn't you?"

"I was scared. Until Finley showed up, I couldn't be sure that what I was seeing was real. The visions-"

"Visions?"

Faith gave Buffy a hard glare, almost daring her to lie to her again. "I saw Spike die," Buffy admitted softly. "He did something to make all the Turok Hans turn to ashes and then he turned to ashes too. I think that we win but I lose him. But i have no idea how we get there or who else we lose on the way. I have no idea what I'm doing."

She turned to Faith but saw that an angry scowl was being directed at her. "This isn't all on you unless you make it that way, which you have an extremely annoying tendency to do. You are one of three Slayers and, like it or not, we have a crazy powerful witch on our side too. We will find a way to save Spike. Look, B, I know you got a bad rap but if you do this to yourself, you can't be the victim. No one is asking you to carry all of this."

Buffy's first reaction was to be defensive but after a long moment, she huffed. "You aren't wrong."

Faith seemed surprised Buffy wasn't fighting her. "You are right about what you said before. You are not the same Buffy. You've let me in. You've let Spike in. We are friends. Be whatever Buffy you want to be, but don't be that Buffy."

Buffy had to look out the window to blink back tears. Faith watched her carefully, not really knowing what else to say. She was grateful that Buffy was opening to her, or anyone at all, but knew Buffy had some choices that she had to make for herself. Between having to face Willow and Spike leaving last night, Faith knew Buffy had to be overwhelmed right now.

"I wasn't that awful," Buffy tried to joke, her voice thick with tears. She wiped under her eyes and turned to Faith. Faith smiled when Buffy smiled, both of them ready to leave the heavy conversation behind them.

"You definitely had a stick up of your ass. Super judgey too."

"You tried to kill me!" Buffy exclaimed, amused but indignant.

Faith rolled her eyes. "I really need you to move past that."

When Buffy stopped laughing, she gave Faith a serious look. "You should let me heal you. You're the front line while I'm gone."

Faith nodded. With another Turok Hans out there somewhere, she had to be ready. She just hoped that she was.

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Later that evening...

Finley knew she wouldn't be able to sleep that night. Faith had discussed what had happened earlier today with Buffy and the seal. She reluctantly explained about the Turok Han army and they both agreed they needed to close the seal as soon as possible. Giles had left for some mystery mission that Faith didn't even know about, which left the research up to Finley and Dawn.

This gave Finley an opportunity to find Robin's address without having to sneak around. Luckily, it was just in the kitchen by the phone, but Finley was still debating on whether or not she should meet up with Robin.

She owed him her life, but she was a bit disturbed by the revelation that he had been following Buffy without her knowing. More importantly, Finley trusted Faith, even if she was still a little confused about who or what Buffy was.

There was very little record of Buffy after her Cruciamentum in the Watcher's journals and Wesley Wyndham-Price's recordings ended after Faith went rouge. There was word of mouth, mostly gossip, but the Council was disseminating the information. Finley had been told that they had tried to help Buffy with Glory and, because she hadn't listened to them, she had failed.

Finley had no doubt that she had been lied to, but wasn't sure what had been the truth and what the lies were.

When Faith went out on patrol at sundown, she figured she could try to get some information from Dawn. Dawn was very friendly and had explained patiently how she was the key to Finley. But when Finley had bought up how Buffy had let the Sultana be dominant that morning, she could see Dawn grew upset.

Instead, Dawn changed the subject. "I'm just glad to have someone my age around. They all treat me like a kid sometimes," she lamented.

"I had to be the look out today. The look out! Faith wouldn't even let me patrol with her tonight. She's cool though. I think she just...is worried about me, you know?"

"I sometimes still get can't get over how 'twilight zone' everything is now. I used to hate Faith," Dawn admitted. "And now she lives here and Willow and Tara are... gone. And Spike acts like my dad all the time. Oh! And he and Buffy do it all the time. Seriously, never go into their room without knocking!"

"Spike is vampire, right?" Finley said cautiously, trying to pump the other teenager for some information.

Dawn shrugged. "Yeah, but he's one of the good ones."

"Good ones?" Finley asked.

"Well, Angel-"

Finley blanched. "You mean, Angelus? The Scorge of Europe?"

Dawn just scrunched her nose at his name. "Yeah, but I like Spike. Angel, not so much. That was like...the most dramatic break up ever. The way he and Buffy would make googly eyes at each other...gross! And Spike stuck around after Buffy died to take care of me."

Finley was still trying to wrap her head around all of this. "Why did he stay?"

Dawn's expression softened. "He'll say it's just because of Buffy, but he stayed for me too. He and Buffy had a fight though."

"Faith said he was missing."

"He's not missing," Dawn said sharply. "He will come home. We are his family."

Before Dawn could say more, Faith came through the front door with the aforementioned master vampire leaning on her for support. Faith and Dawn had a short conversation before Faith left again. All Finley really caught was that Faith had found him at a bar.

While Dawn was helping the drunk vampire get to the couch, Finley's thoughts were running a mile a minute. If they trusted Spike, she should too, right? It didn't change that Spike killed Robin's mother, however. Dawn passed her to go to the kitchen.

"He wants hot chocolate," Dawn was saying.

"With the little marshmellies!" Spike shouted from the other room.

Finley could hear Dawn fiddling in the kitchen still when she approached Spike hesitantly. He really didn't look like he was in great shape right now. Spike saw her and let out a drunken chuckle.

"You're the baby slayer! I tried to kill Buffy when she was your age, you know. If it wasn't for her mum and her axe, I woulda done it too! Bloody Summers women...they make you fall in love with, the whole lot."

"Vampires can't love," Finley said, without thinking.

Spike snorted. "Wish that were true. Wouldn't have to drink myself into another dimension if I didn't love the girl, would I?"

When Finley didn't respond, Spike realized her entire body language was off. She was standing a good distance away from him, her body tense, and her heart was racing. He cocked his head. "You're afraid of me. Been a while since anyone's been afraid of me. Don't worry, lil' girl. I won't hurt you."

He had said it gently, genuinely concerned that the Finley was so nervous around around. The response he received was a biting, "You're a vampire. Of course you'll hurt me."

Spike's foggy brain registered that it wasn't just a nervous and fearful energy coming from her. Her eyes were dead focused on him, her disgust no longer hidden.

"What of it?" He bristled. "World isn't as black and white as that. As you can see, I remain unslayed by the ladies of the house. They told you about me, eh?"

"I know who you are. I've read about you."

"Right-the Watcher's gossip column. Am I living up to your expectation? William the Bloody drunk over girlfriend troubles?"

"You killed Nikki Woods."

The words landed like between them. Spike sat up and regarding the cold eyes staring at him seriously. The hostility coming from the Slayer was beginning to put him on edge. "I did. What of it?"

Spike blinked several times, but Nikki Woods continued to stare at him from behind Finley. He felt something building in his throat and a tingling feeling was creeping in his veins.

"Are you humming?" He heard Finley ask through the fog in his brain.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he heard the words and realized it was him singing them softly. "Oh, don't deceive me. Oh, never leave me. How could you use a poor maiden-"

Then everything went black.

Finley watched as his eyes glazed over and then turned almost pitch black. She began to take a cautious step back when Spike lunged at her, growling deep in his throat. They both tumbled to the ground, with Spike on top of her and his teeth grazed the column of her throat. Finley used her legs to flip them over and landed a solid punch to his face, knocking him out cold. Suddenly, she was thrown off of him by a furious looking Dawn.

She stood in front of Spike protectively. "What did you do to him?"

Finley was still catching her breath and, in disbelief, watched as Dawn knelt down to check Spike for injuries. "What did I do? He attacked me!"

"Spike doesn't attack people. He can't-"

Finley stood up. "Are you insane? He's a vampire! Of course he can. You need to get away from him."

Finley went to pull Dawn away from the demon who had attacked her. Instead, Dawn glared at her and shrugged her hand away. Finley laughed darkly, realizing that Dawn was protecting Spike from her.

"Forget this. I'm leaving!"

She spun on her heel and headed for the door.

"Wait!" Dawn shouted after her. "You can't just leave, that thing is out there!"

"And that thing is in here," she spat out. She grabbed her jacket and fingered the paper with Robin's address in the pocket. She look one last look at Dawn, who did seem concerned, even if she was still angry about the unconscious vampire on the floor.

She didn't belong here.

But Finley knew one thing-she was a Slayer. And Slayers killed vampires.