Legalities, as always Sam and Dean and all things Supernatural do not belong to me. They are the property of the CW and Kripke Enterprises. I wish they would share, but I don't think that is going to happen so I guess I will simply play in their sandbox for a bit.

Rating MA: For language and injured Dean and Sam throughout the storyline, they will also be M/M pairing although they are not brothers in this story. Pairings won't happen till later chapters, so be sure to review the warnings before reading.

If you don't like this type of thing, then don't read this story I am sure there are ones that would be more pleasing to you.

Author's Note: This story will follow Sam and Dean they continue their lives and try to deal with the challenges of their own pasts and tragic past of a child named Adam Milligan. This ride will get bumpy before it gets smooth, so be prepared.

This Chapter is chalked full of ANGST and hurt Dean and worried/ANGSTY Sam

Please keep in mind that I do not have a Beta, so if there are errors, I apologize ahead of time.

Chapter 8

Sam's Prayer

When Dean managed to claw his way back to the surface of his mind he was surprised to find that his eyelids felt as heavy as mud…and kind of gritty too. He wanted to shift but the intense memory of having shifted earlier and the pain from that action were still so very fresh in his mind that he just couldn't do it. He managed to pry one eyelid open, mostly since the other one was swollen shut, his room was darkened and he was alone…where is Sam? He wondered as he tilted his head to the left, the moonlight was shining through the slats of the blinds covering the only window in his room. Pain was radiating up from his chest and lower body, it increased and decreased with every beat of his heart. The nausea in his stomach rolled and a metallic scent flooded his nostrils as he allowed his eye to fall shut and his mind to wander.

Dean was coming home from school, he was eleven years old, and his younger sister Anna was staying at a friend's house. It was one of the few times that his father had allowed her to go somewhere.

It hadn't been a good day, Dean had gotten into another fight with another kid at school…and he'd lost. His teacher had broken it up, but not before he was sporting a black eye and a bloody nose. Dean knew that his father was going to be livid when he saw the damage…oh not because he would be worried about Dean, but because he had always told Dean that if he got into a fight…he had better be the one to finish it. In this case, Mr. Bingham had been the one to finish the fight. Dean had gotten his ass handed to him, granted the other kid was three years older and had at least twenty pounds on him, but that wouldn't matter his father. He stopped on the sidewalk at the base of the steps that led back their current home and inhaled sharply, he knew that he was going to get it, the bruises had barely healed from the last time he had inadvertently pissed off his father. Dean swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat; a part of him wished that Anna was going to be home…sometimes his father wouldn't beat him if his sister was there. But she had been looking forward to this slumber party for the last month, her friend Jenny had been talking about all the great things her parents had planned for the girls…and Anna wanted to go so badly.

Dean would never begrudge his little sister anything; he just wished that his father would leave him alone when she wasn't around. He sank down onto the edge of the sidewalk dropping his backpack between his feet and picked up a rock and threw it softly into the street. He managed to sit there for exactly 42 minutes before his father walked up behind him and cuffed him in the ear. He didn't even have a chance to grab at his now throbbing head before he was immediately jerked to his feet as long strong fingers fisted into his soft blonde hair. He gritted his teeth against the pain that shot through his head and then the agony that was agitated in his ribs as he was pulled roughly to his feet. "What the fuck is wrong with you boy?" his father yelled as he hauled Dean back up the stairs to the crappy motel room that currently served as their home.

Dean knew better than to say anything, it would only anger his father more and then he would really be in for it.

The beatings had started a long time ago and Dean had simply accepted that it was his 'lot' in life. But some days he really hated his father and those particular days were coming more and more frequently. Particularly lately, his father was less and less in control of his drug addiction and he was inviting more and more people over that had no business being around Anna. They made Dean really nervous, he hated that they would just show up at random times, that there was no way that he could anticipate it and make sure that Anna was out of the house. So he supposed that this was a very lucky night indeed.

Dean's father burst through the front door of their room and threw Dean into the coffee table as he slammed the door shut behind them. Dean's balance was off and he felt his head slam into the corner of the table as he was immediately assaulted with black spots that were misting in and out of his vision. "Guh…dad…please…don't…" he managed around the pain that was now coursing through much of his body.

"Shut up Dean! What the fuck did you do now? I got a call from the school, boy. They said you got your ass kicked…" His father's alcohol roughened voice seared through the thrumming in his head as Dean tried to think clearly.

"He was picking on anoth…." He was stopped short as his father's meaty fist slammed into his jaw and his head snapped back and to the left with the strength behind the blow.

"Then you should have won…I swear to god Dean…I'll make a man out of you yet." His father shouted as he punctuated each sentence with a blow to either Dean's head or his ribs, whichever was more accessible.

"I'm sorry dad…I'm so sorr…."

Sam was walking back into Dean's hospital room after having gone home to shower, he hadn't wanted to but the nurses and the doctor had insisted that Dean wouldn't be awake for a few hours yet and he may as well make use of the time and go get cleaned up. It had been horrible walking into their home and feeling Dean everywhere and yet knowing that he wasn't physically there. Sam had lost it as he entered their bedroom, Dean's scent was still strong inside the room and he had sank helplessly onto their bed and let his emotions take over for bit. He hadn't allowed that since he'd learned about the bombing and the fact that he had almost lost Dean today…how very close he had come to losing his everything, in one instant, slammed into his unprepared mind. The tears had rolled freely down his face as he had picked up Dean's pillow and brought it to his nose…the smell so strong that he felt his heart shudder at the thought that that scent would fade soon. He had come so close to losing Dean…again.

After some time he'd managed to pull himself enough to get to his feet and stumble into their bathroom, stripping his cloths automatically and reaching into the shower, twisting the knobs and listening as the water rained down on the travertine tiles. He stood facing the mirror as he waited for the water to warm up, looking at his naked reflection in the full length mirror. He was dirty and there was blood smeared on his face and along his neck where Dean had touched him. Hysterical laughter bubbled up inside Sam as he leaned heavily against the counter, his knees nearly buckling under the onslaught of despair. After what seemed like forever, Sam managed to pull himself back together, he looked at his red rimmed eyes, his irises were a nearly supernatural color of blue laced with green flecks. He took a deep breath and mentally berated himself for his loss of control, it was Dean that was suffering here, and he was just collateral damage. He bit off the emotional flood and stumbled into the shower. The water was hot, nearly too hot…but he didn't care, Sam needed to 'burn' the memories of how deathly still his partner had been out of his mind. He needed to pull it together so that he could be there for Dean. A shuddering breath racked its way through his body as he finally regained absolute control over his body and his mind.

Sam turned off the water and reached out for a towel and slung it low on his hips as his hair dripped water down his back and chest. Just when he thought that he was in the clear he was assaulted by the different memories, ones of Dean in the shower room when they had been in college. The feeling of Dean's lips on his as he'd pressed his still damp and warm body against Sam's. Their chests rising and falling in a sequence of breathing in tandem as Dean pressed his aching hips against Sam's rock hard erection and moved suggestively as his tongue thrust inside of Sam's more than willing mouth.

The memory was so visceral that Sam again found himself leaning against the bathroom counter and his breaths were coming in short sharp gasps as he tried to clear the images from before his eyes. He leaned down and ran the cold water into the sink, as he splashed it up onto his face and he snapped back to the present. He knew that he needed to keep it together for Dean, so he pulled himself upright and nodded to the misty figure staring back at him in the steam covered mirror.

Once he had managed to get himself cleaned up and dressed in a clean pair of levis and a soft blue cashmere sweater he grabbed his keys and rushed to his car headed for the hospital again.

Sam walked back into the darkened hallway of the ICU ward and nodded to the duty nurse, she smiled and looked back at her paperwork, obviously more concerned about that than some guy wandering into the ward at 2am. Sam brought the cup of black coffee to his lips and took a long slow sip of the bitter black brew. Dean would be giving him so much crap right about now…it was Dean would drank his coffee black…Sam always drank the doctored up girly latte drinks. But not tonight, he didn't think he'd be getting any sleep in the near future and he needed to be awake for Dean, so he was drinking the strongest thing he could find…Dean's coffee.

He heard the whispered desperate mumbles from the inside of Dean's room as he rounded the corner.

"I'm sorry dad…I'm so sorr…" The whispered apology died on Dean's lips as Sam rushed the rest of the way into the room.

"Dean?" He asked as he set his coffee down and reached out to gently take Dean's hand, it was trembling and there was an unnatural heat radiating off the skin. Son of a bitch! Can we get a break…Please… Sam pleaded with a god he was only moderately sure existed as he watched the Dean's eyes flicker quickly beneath closed eyelids, the swelling making it difficult see the other eyes move. The heat from the infection that Sam had suspected was making Dean's cheeks flush was tangible in his hand as he closed his fingers around Dean's palm. "Fever Dean…shit." He said as he sank into the chair next to the bed, he thought of the last time that he had dealt with fever where Dean was concerned…it hadn't been good. He had nearly lost Dean to that fever and the subsequent infection…but the worst had been learning about Dean's past. The things that he had been forced to relive while he'd been delirious…and Sam had seen it all. God…I don't know if you are there…or if you even give a shit about me or Dean…but please…please don't make him go through that again. It almost killed him last time. Sam prayed and a small part of him hoped that there was someone listening, because Dean was going to need it…and so was he.

TBC…

Author's Note: Sorry it has been so long for the update. I will try and get them up quicker from here on out. No worries Dean and Sam are going to get their time with Adam…but I was really feeling the Angst for this chapter. We'll get onto the healing and living of life in the near future. Thanks for reading.

Please Review: Give me ideas if you have them…they help.