Legalities, as always Sam and Dean and all things Supernatural do not belong to me. They are the property of the CW and Kripke Enterprises. I wish they would share, but I don't think that is going to happen so I guess I will simply play in their sandbox for a bit.

Rating MA: For language and injured Dean and Sam throughout the storyline, they will also be M/M pairing although they are not brothers in this story. Pairings won't happen till later chapters, so be sure to review the warnings before reading.

If you don't like this type of thing, then don't read this story I am sure there are ones that would be more pleasing to you.

Author's Note: This story will follow Sam and Dean they continue their lives and try to deal with the challenges of their own pasts and tragic past of a child named Adam Milligan. This ride will get bumpy before it gets smooth, so be prepared.

This Chapter is chalked full of ANGST and hurt Dean and worried/ANGSTY Sam

Please keep in mind that I do not have a Beta, so if there are errors, I apologize ahead of time.

Chapter 10

When we get Past this

Dean sat back against the pillows, his side sending tendrils of pain lancing through his body as he looked at the empty space where Sam had been. He still couldn't figure out what he'd done to push Sam off…and the more he thought about it the less he could figure it out. He groaned as a particularly painful spasm shot through his chest and settled above his heart. He wasn't sure if it was from Sam leaving or the piece of metal that had been surgically removed from his chest...either way, it hurt like hell. Lately, Sam hadn't been acting right, although to be fair, Dean didn't even know what the right reactions should look like in this type of a fucked up situation. He had almost died and then, to make matters even more difficult...it had been Sam that had found him…and that had resulted in 'what?' PTSD…or something. It was driving Dean crazy trying to figure out the whole rollercoaster of emotions that Sam was shooting in his direction at the moment. He allowed his eyelids to fall closed as he breathed through his pain and tried to think of how he and Sam could get back to their 'apple-pie-life' and then he still needed to talk to Sam about the possible adoption of Adam Milligan. Because God knows, that Dean still wanted to give that kid a home…and he knew that Sam would make an excellent father...and frankly Dean still felt like he had something to prove. He understood that his own upbringing had been, less than ideal...HA! That was a laugh...his childhood had been nonexistent and consisted of he being passed around like an communal bottle of water...or something more sinister. He could still hear his fathers voice sometimes... "Don't worry, I have him tested...he'd clean...and he's as good as any woman...or your money back..." That son of bitches voice still flared to life when Dean's defenses were down...and they were currently under complete renovation, due to the accident.

He wasn't sure when he fell asleep…but suddenly the light was filtering through the slightly open blinds of his window. Dean pushed his heavy eyelids open and realized that the light was a deep orange, which meant that it was late afternoon or early evening…and he'd managed to sleep the majority of the day away. He turned away from the slowly diminishing light and looked around his room…it was empty except for him. A part of his heart stuttered at the realization that Sam hadn't come back to check on him after he'd finished at work. Had he really managed to push off the best thing that had ever happened to him?

Dean had worked so hard to make their lives together good…he was just dropping into a pool of self-loathing when Sam's shaggy head popped through the door. He immediately noticed that Dean was awake and an amazing smile pulled at the corners of his thing lips…the dimples that Dean loved to the very core of his soul making an appearance. Sam slipped through the door and Dean noticed that he was carrying a bag along with his briefcase. He was however wearing a loose ocean-blue v-neck sweater and dark wash jeans along with a leather jacket that looked…Dean would say it…hot! With a capital 'H'.

"I wanted to bring you something for your birthday Dean." Sam said as he set the bag on the small rolling table and pulled it closer to Dean as he removed a plastic container and two clear plastic forks from the bag. There was something to normal about what Sam had done here…bringing him something to commemorate his birthday. Dean felt his heart clench at the thought that Sam had put into something so simple…yet so meaningful and he allowed a small smile to seep onto his lips as he looked up at Sam's beautiful blue-green eyes.

Dean's eyebrows shot up as he recognized the Dutch Apple Pie that was sitting inside the clear container. Sammy knew that it was his favorite…one birthday Sam had tried to give Dean a cake…that had ended up being used in a decidedly sexual manner…but not for the celebration of his birthday. Dean loved pie…not cake. Sam had totally gotten that concept on that day…and he had never made that mistake again. It was lesson that Dean had been immensely grateful that his partner had learned on that day…and thankfully very quickly.

"Pie?" Dean said in a raspy voice as he allowed the smile to pull at the corners of his pink lips as he looked from the container to Sam's brilliant blue-green eyes. Dean's look had Sam nodding and then sinking down into the chair next to Dean's bed and finally pulling the pie out, while handing Dean a fork. "I thought you might not come back tonight…" Dean whispered as he looked intently at the pie…and not at the shocked and slightly hurt expression that Sam threw his way.

"Dean…I am not leaving you…not now…not ever." He huffed and turned away from Dean as he scrubbed a hand down his face and shook his head. "I thought you knew that…I thought that…uhhh…that we were way beyond this type of insecurity." Sam narrowed his eyebrows and then turned back to Dean's confused face. "Dean, I love you…I am committed to you. There is nothing that you could ever do that would make me want to leave you…So would you please stop trying to push me away."

Dean swallowed around a lump in his throat and simply nodded as he blinked back the burning sensation in his eyes. He really did love Sam and he knew that this was just old insecurities coming up. But that didn't make them just go away…he wanted them to…God knows he did…but a lifetime of abuse had buried some things so deeply within him that he was caught off guard by them…this was one of those times.

Dean inhaled slowly and then turned unguarded eyes toward Sam…. "I know that Sam. At least my heart knows it…" he chuckled lightly. "My head….that's a bit of another story." He smiled and then continued. "It just…sometimes it comes out…my old problems…they come out and I can't catch them fast enough Sam…But it doesn't happen that often anymore…" He glanced away and closed his eyes slowly and then blinked up at Sam. He reached out and gently grasped the long fingers… "I love you Sam."

Sam raised his eyebrows slowly and then a small smile pulled at the corners of his lips. "Do you have any idea how much I love you…I would take you in any condition Dean." He coughed slightly and then looked at the closed door and then squeezing Dean's hands. "So…uh can I change the subject?" Sam asked.

"Oh God yes…please do." Dean said quickly. "Sorry…" He finished when Sam threw him a raised eyebrow.

"The agency called the other day…they were wondering if we were still interested in Adam?" Sam said quietly as he tried to focus around the small labored breaths of his partner. Dean was in pain and tired…judging by the bags under his eyes and the tiny drops of sweats running down his face and neck. "Listen Dean…we can talk about this later…"

"No Sam it's okay…Yes. We are still interested in Adam…." His green eyes flickered up to meet Sam's ocean colored gaze. "Aren't we?"

Sam blew out along breath and then sank down onto the bed near Dean's hip. He wanted this with Dean…they could have a family of their own. And they could give this little boy a sense of normality that he would never have otherwise. "Yes Dean…we are still interested in that…so interested." He finished and leaned in, placing a careful kiss on Dean's lips.

TBC…

Author's Note: So sorry that this has been on the back burner. I will get another chapter out within a week. Dean and Sam will be headed home and they will be working toward the adoption and getting Dean healed up. It won't be all wine and roses…because I just don't tend to write much of that…but they will have a happy ending. That much I can promise. Thanks for reading.

Please Review: And I won't wait a month for the next post.