Max let out a long, frustrated sigh as he rubbed his temples. He ripped out yet another sheet of lined paper from a notepad and crumpled it up, tossing it aside to join a small pile that formed on the edge of the table. In front of him were the commanders of the five factions, each divided into their own separate areas by low paper walls, high enough to divide them but low enough for them to see each other. There had been a rampant paranoia amongst all of them that if the wall was too high, someone would try to shoot them through it. But at the same time, if the wall was too low then it wouldn't be suitable enough to clearly mark their territory according to the minis. It took Max an aggravatingly long time for him to get everyone to agree on the exact height of the dividing walls.
To the far left was the Void Breakers and their chapter master, Fleet Admiral Jargon Vaynce, who was casually chatting with a group of Captains and mortal advisors as if not even paying attention to what was going on. Their armor was a dark navy blue with golden trim that bounced light off like a mirror. Each of them bore some type of bionic leg, hand or hook and Max was pretty sure there was at least one cyber-parrot among them. Vaynce himself wore a dark cloak that shimmered like stars in the night sky.
Next to them was the Eldar with their most powerful warrior, Autarch Faeris, and their most powerful pysker, Warlock Oreon, standing next to each other with a contingent of bodyguards. They looked the most calm and tranquil; whereas the others looked over their shoulders and held a close grip on their weapons, the Eldar seemed to almost be meditating. Even among their kind, Max thought this to be an oddity, probably some sort of cultural quirk of the Craftworld they hailed from, Harashyrun.
Further right was the Tau contingent whose Ethereal had loudly announced himself as the "Etheral Aun'Phai of the proud Sept Worlds of Brei'han, of the 9th Colonial Expedition of the Greater T'au Empire'' at a volume loud enough for Max to wince. An impressive feat considering he lacked any type of speaker or amplifier. Behind him, a battlesuit commander stood silently at the head of a cadre of Fire Warriors in spotless red and white armor in perfect formation
Compared to the pristine Tau, the Imperial Guard force looked thoroughly battered. They claimed to have been the 51st Sallotic Expeditionary Force, or what was left of it. They looked like they had gone through meat grinders other meat grinders went through. Their armor was worn, their lasguns burnt, their uniforms torn and even their medals no longer shined with pride. Their Grand General, Horace Bragana, was a dark skinned man with even darker eyes. Whatever fire it once had was now only a smoldering ember smothered out by enough war to last a lifetime.
Finally there was the Order of the Frozen Pyre, a devout and overly zealous sisterhood of warrior nuns dressed in their blues, blacks and whites. They stood the furthest away from everyone else, even distrusting their fellow Imperials. Their Canoness was having some sort of hushed conversation with a wizened old priest who carried a flaming censer two sizes too large for his skinny frame. All seemed on edge however, tightly gripping their weapons and constantly changing their gaze from person to person. It seemed that even amongst the body guards, they were constantly double checking themselves as if they worried their fellow sister would turn on them.
Max bounced his pencil on the table and wrote something down on his notepad, "Okay. Can we all at least agree that I own this house and that fighting in said house is likely to cause damage to it."
Five rough approximations of "yes" were grunted out by the commanders.
"And can we all agree that destroying this house is likely to not only cause everyone else problems, but also for your own groups?"
Again, five statements that could be constructed as agreements flew at Max's face. It was the best he was going to get. Before this, Max had already spent the better part of half an hour setting up the network of demarcated DMZs for each faction with tape on the floor. Now everyone had been corralled into their own sections and the possibility of open fighting was reduced. Not that the massing of guns and vehicles on the very edge of the tape from all sides was doing much to reduce the tension.
"Okay, and as owner of this house, I will not tolerate any unauthorized conflict. If you have an issue with another group, bring it to me and we can talk it out like adults instead of killing each other like trigger happy children. In exchange, I will provide everyone with equal access to food, water, shelter, power and select approved resources."
There was a slightly more enthusiastic sound of agreement. While each faction had their own stockpiles, none of them were going to give up the opportunity to gain more. Most had extremely limited ways of gaining more if any and there was no chance of somehow magically gaining more from any pre-established supply lines or logistical systems from M41.
"I have an issue with this 'equal access' clause." Aun'Phai was the only one to not immediately agree, "We of Brei'han have a large number of civilians as part of our original colonization efforts. If we were to be given only equal resources, it would be most inadequate. As such, I must demand a more fair balance of distribution especially when compared to the less fortunate."
"What is your point, primitive?" Autarch Faeris hissed, picking up on Aun'Phai's insinuation.
"Well, the Tau are more than mere soldiers and we have a great number of civilians. Compared to a less numerous group, it only makes sense that resources are to be distributed proportionally according to size instead of at a fixed rate."
"I am in agreement." General Bragana spoke up, "The 51st Sallot currently possesses a fighting strength of thousands of men, likely the largest contingent of all the armies currently present."
"A civilian cannot be expected to live to the same measure as a soldier, especially not to a fighting unit of the Imperium. The T'au treat their citizens and soldiers to a far higher degree than some others do. It is imperative that we keep this standard." Aun'Phai held his head high and looked only at Max.
"Oh I'm sure you do. What would the Tau ever do if they couldn't have 12 hours of sleep, luxurious feasts for every meal of the day and servants attending to their every whim." Bragana spat out.
"Stop it. Both of you." Max halted the conversation before it reached an inevitably messy conclusion.
He wasn't blind to the game that Aun'Phai was trying to play. Granting any single faction additional resources would give them an advantage over less supplied factions. But at the same time, there was valid concern in what the Ethereal was saying. The Eldar with their lesser numbers wouldn't demand the same amount of resources as the others. While at the same time, the Space Marines could utilize their own ship for resources, namely the hydroponics bays and the on-board generators. And Max himself didn't have an infinite amount of resources to give either, proper allocation would be required sooner rather than later if he didn't want to bankrupt himself due to inefficiency.
"Okay how about this, for the first week everyone will get an equal share. At the end of the week, I'll tally up consumption vs leftovers and adjust accordingly each week." Max's offer was sensible enough. Sensible enough to make the commanders silently unhappy as they all wanted the lion's share of any possible supplies for their own forces.
With the issue of resource allocation brought to a workable conclusion, Max took a deep breath before moving on to the next issue he wanted to bring up. It was going to be messy and likely to result in him pulling a few bits of his own hair out, but Max felt like it had to be brought up.
"As reinforcement of the agreement of no active battles, everyone agrees that everyone else has the right to live-" Max began only to be interrupted by a zealous shriek.
"Suffer not the heretic or xenos to live!" The old priest roared before a wraithful choir of Sisters echoed him, "They do not deserve the air they dare breathe upon Holy Terra! It is only by the God Emperor's will that we humor you with these 'talks' with the foul breeds!"
"Fine, would you say that everyone at least deserves some level of safety within their own-" Max was interrupted by a psychically-enhanced shout.
"Safety is relative mon-keigh." Autarch Faeris scoffed, "It is impossible to be safe upon a bed of blades in a bladed room."
"You would all agree that you don't want a gun to the back of your head, yes?" Max quickly spat out before someone could interrupt him again, "If you don't want a gun to the back of your head, then don't hold your gun to someone else's. Otherwise they'd repay the favor in kind. Basically, if you don't want to get shot in your sleep, don't shoot someone else in their sleep, is that bit at least understandable?"
There was grumbling and murmurs of discontent. Max paid them no mind. So far, no one had proven so zealous and spiteful to risk Max pulling out his support or even worse, banishing them out of his house. Not out of any sense of loyalty towards the giant human, but more towards the great game of house geopolitics all of them were doubtlessly starting to play, knowingly or not.
The worst part of the talks on the agreement was over but Max knew he wasn't out of the storm yet. There was still the matter of where each faction would live. The preliminary "talks" that were held on the subject an hour ago had become so vitriolic that Max excused himself to the bathroom and attempted to drown himself in handfuls of water before he came back. It had gone on for the better part of half an hour with Max just sitting on his couch and listening to insults being hurled.
"Alright, now we go on to the topic of the dominions which everyone will hold." Max looked up from his notepad, wary of any flare ups that fortunately didn't rise up, "The Space Marines will stay aboard their ship and claim a territory that has been marked out in tape, going from the edge of the wall where the hall meets the living area and the edge of the couch seat next to me."
Max looked over at the Divine Ordinance, that strange ship. It looked like an Imperial spacehulk with half an armada kludged together into a single ship held together by spit, prayer and questionable welding work. How it managed to stay together let alone space-worthy or even Warp safe was beyond him.
"Agreed! We shan't be leaving our ship!" Fleet Admiral Vanyce raised his fist and his voice, not in agreement with Max, but instead towards the crew of the ship itself who cheered for their chapter master from its many decks and defenses.
Max barely began with the words "Eldar" before he was interrupted again for the umpteenth time.
"The Children of Harashryun shall take to the sky within this primitive domain. We shall rest upon the winds and hang our city upon the sky." Autarch Faeris waxed poetically, not noticing Max's increasing urge to slam his head into the coffee table.
"The Eldar can have the air ducts and the ceiling of the first floor as they wish, for whatever reason. So long as it does not intercede on the territory of the Space Marines." Max emphasized his last sentence, a sticking point the previous time he tried to have this discussion.
He wondered why they had originally wanted such a strange place for a home. Maybe because staying above the ground reminded them of their spaceborn Craftworld and the air ducts of the Webway. Or they were just too pretentious to build on the ground like everyone else. Either way, the fact things were going relatively smoothly was a god send.
"Next up, the Guard and the Sisterhood will be granted the two rooms upstairs with the Guard taking the closest one to the stairs while the Sisters will be given the one closest to the bathroom. Is this acceptable?" Max turned to the two mortal Imperial factions.
"Affirmative." Said General Bragana.
"Acceptable." Said the Canoness.
Max let out a sigh of relief, "Good. Now finally, the Tau will be granted space on the kitchen counter top for their own territory-"
"Halt!" Aun'Phai raised his voice and Max was about ready to put his head through the floor in frustration, "I cannot accept these terms! Our civilians require more space than what can be provided on your marbled cliffs!"
"Shut it you blue billowy bastards." Fleet Admiral Vaynce shot the Ethereal a dirty look, "Be grateful that the Titan is given' you any space. The lot of us would rather see you and the knife ears stuffed into the nearest trash compactor."
"Gue'vesa, I must protest these unequal and unfair conditions." Aun'Phai ignored the Astartes, "You have granted the Imperials two separate rooms for habitation, three counting their... ship. Surely they do not require so much territory for themselves!"
"Our military forces still outnumber your's, xenos." General Bragana held a hand on his ornate plasma pistol, glaring over to the Tau.
"Then what of the females? They number fewer than both us and the gue'vesa fodder."
"By the Curse Nine! You will not take the rightful domain of the Order! You dare to take our holy land?" The Canoness raised her sword and shourted.
"Your Emperor has not given you anything, it is the Gue'vesa Ma'ax who is graciously giving out territory. We are merely asking for something more suitable."
A sudden burst of overzealous bolter fire ripped into the Tau lines from the Sisters. In the blink of an eye, Max turned around and threw his notepad at the Sisters, eyes furious and nostrils flaring. When he went over to pick it up, his feet stomped hard enough to shatter mountains, just to send a message that vibrated through the floor.
"Okay then Canoness, what do you intend on doing with your room?" Max attempted civil arbitration.
"We shall raise upon Holy Terra a grand cathedral-citadel, a fortress of faith and a redoubt of redemption in the name of the Emperor divine! The holy grounds shall contain chapels, holy reliquaries, prayer halls, scriptoriums, penitience chambers, shrines to saints, armories, training chambers-"
"Hold up." Max turned the tables and interrupted the Canoness in a very satisfying moment of reversals, "I get that you want to establish a military base, but most of that does not sound that important. If you were going to make each of those things large enough to collectively fill an entire room, that sounds like a great deal of wasted space. Space that could be used for living or even charity work."
"Charity work?" The Canoness scoffed, "The Adepta Sororitas are defenders of the faith! We are not a soup kitchen!"
"And what good is the defender of the faith if all of the faithful are sick and starving? There are more ways than one for a flock to become afflicted and threatened."
The Canoness moved to say something but the old priest behind her steadied her hand. Clearly this was not a battle to fight here.
"Okay, I am going to move you in with the Guard. The Tau will have the room closest to the bathroom." Max tapped his pencil on the ledge of the table. When the General moved to say something, Max added, "Surely keeping with your kin is preferable than cohabitating with the xenos, yes? I do not see why the Guard would want to turn down the blessed presence of the Sisters of Battle."
The General backed off, but only for the Canoness to explode in fanatical rage, "The domain of the Emperor will not be tainted by the presence of ANY of the three thrice-damned enemies of mankind! If you reject our petition to raise a holy bastion on the holiest of worlds, the THRONE WORLD itself, then we will have no interest in these faithless treaties you demand of us! What will you demand next? Cage us and our movements? Strip us of arms and defense! Demand a renouncement of our righteous faith! Denounce the immortal will of the God-Emperor!"
"Silence you harridan!" Ethereal Aun'Phai roared back, again in a voice loud enough to over take most speaker systems, "You have no claim to this world and you have no right to demand control of territory you do not even possess yet! Go and build your mud hut hovels and temples elsewhere with the rest of your ilk! The Greater T'au Empire will not stand for the irrationality of a blind zealot!"
CRACK
Max gently laid the two halves of his broken pencil before the two leaders, one for the Tau and one for the Sisters. A not-so-subtle show of power for a not-so-subtle pair of petulant commanders.
"Let me make myself absolutely clear." Max's voice was low, hanging heavy with frustration, "I have no interest in harming any of you. I do not wish to personally destroy your soldiers, armies or whatever. You all are in dangerous waters, in an unknown land which none of you have any intel on. I am giving you an easy path of survival and protection with the simple request that you put aside your pride and prejudices against each other in the name of keeping this house standing in one piece. I am only asking you to lower your weapons, not giving them up. If I could, I would because with two people, each holding a gun at the other, one of them is eventually going to crack and shoot first but I realize that fact isn't going to get through to any of you any time soon."
There was a sort of stunned silence as everyone looked at the broken pencil. It was the first time any of them really recognized Max as a threat and while a wooden pencil was hardly the toughest of materials, they collectively came to the realization that Max could easily break any of them with his bare hands. Even the Space Marines were forced to consider just how tough they could be when compared to a being as proportionally large as Max. Even the vessels (or parts of vessels) that some of the armies came on suddenly looked a lot less safe when the new possibility of a very angry Max armed with a hammer was now being factored in.
"Now, is everyone willing to accept the terms of the agreement? No one fights as an act of aggression and instead you bring disputes to me. In exchange, I give food and protection. Are. We. Clear." Max repeated himself in as blunt and straight-to-the-point manner as he could, this time to far less open grumbling from the commanders.
Pulling out a pen this time, Max formally wrote up the final draft of the accord. The cessation of violence, the deference to him for issues that would normally be a cause for war, his promise of supplies and resources and the agreement that everyone at least had a right not to hold a gun to anyone else's head. Max was honestly pretty proud of his role as diplomat and mediator, even if he wanted to give himself a concussion against a wall. Getting factions this hostile towards one another to agree to this was already an achievement and a half. In fact, he was so proud that he hung the written agreement on top of his TV as if it was some kind of piece of art.
With the formalities worked out however, now came the act of moving everyone. Max turned around and looked at the thousands of soldiers, hundreds of vehicles and scattering of starships and heavy machinery. He cracked his knuckles and prayed to God that none of them were nearly as heavy as they looked.
A/N: Another chapter that took me a while to figure out how I actually wanted to write. You might notice this fic is a lot shorter now. This is because I've finally moved all of the old stuff into its own separate fic I've labelled as (Legacy). I didn't want to straight up delete it in case someone wanted to look at it again but at the same time, keeping both versions in the same fic wasn't probably great for clarity.
Welp, the rewrite continues. Thank you for everyone who reads/comments/favorites/follows it as always and see you next chapter!