Chapter Eleven: Scars
When Persephone awoke the next morning, it was the smell of bacon cooking. A quick shower was all that she needed to knock off the fogginess of the morning. She quickly changed into a dress and joined the rest of the team in the kitchen. It seemed that she was the last of them to wake up. Her phone told her that it was a little after nine on a quite appropriately named Sunday.
"Good morning sleepy head!" Garcia greeted eating some pancakes and eggs.
"Morning everyone." Persephone replied taking a seat next to Reid and accepting the plate that Rossi handed out for her. She began spooning some eggs and bacon onto it before adding a couple of pancakes.
"Did you sleep well?" Reid asked.
"I did thank you. It helps when the bed's good."
"I'll say. Egyptian cotton 1000 thread count." Morgan agreed.
Persephone glanced at the team. She noticed that Will and the children were not present. He properly took them outside for some fresh air while everyone else finished their breakfast. That was good. She needed to address what happened the day before and it was easier when the children were not there. Well, that and Will whom Persephone didn't know well enough to share what she was about to.
"Listen, guys, I am sorry about yesterday." Persephone apologised.
"You don't have to apologise."
She poured herself a cup of orange juice, drank half of it with one go and placed the cup down with a satisfying smack of her lips. She needed to do this but that didn't mean it was what she wanted. The best way to handle this was to pull off the plaster.
"My mum died when I was 7."
The silence that followed was almost as painful as the sympathetic looks she was receiving. This was why she didn't like to share things like this. Why did people always look at her like that?
"It was a brain aneurysm. One minute she was fine the next she wasn't. I don't really remember much about her, but I have a few flashes in my mind. I remember her laugh. That she loved Greek Mythology and Astrology."
"Persephone…" Reid began. He was quickly interrupted.
"Please don't say 'I'm sorry"
"I wasn't. I was going to say thank you."
Persephone looked up in surprise. Her features softened when she noticed that his face was not one of pity or sympathy but of pride. It felt good. Sure, Garcia looked like she was going to cry but she was a bleeding heart. That was to be expected. Everyone else was looking at her in a mixture of understanding and mild sadness. They were good at hiding their real emotions. It was part of their job.
"Your welcome?" Persephone replied confused. She wasn't sure what she was being thanked for. Etiquette demanded she gave the response she did, but it didn't stop her from wondering why she gave it.
"I'm thanking you for sharing that with us. It can't have been easy but we apricate that you did it."
"Nothing worth doing in life easily." Persephone insisted wisely.
"True." Rossi agreed. "But that doesn't mean everyone does the hard things."
The team worked together to tidy away the breakfast things and to clean the surfaces down. Once they were finished, Persephone went outside and joined Jack and Henry. They were playing hoopla.
"Hey, boys! Do you two want to help me make some bread for this evening's meal?"
"Yeah!" They shouted in unison.
"What's for dinner Ambrose?" Morgan asked. The Brit had decided to make Sunday's meal. The team would stay at Rossi's place that night and would drive into the BAU together. JJ and Hotch would drop their children at day-care and school respectively.
"I thought it was high time I introduced you to a very British tradition. The humble Sunday roast. Roast beef, roast potatoes, Yorkshire pudding, vegetables, and gravy. By gravy, I mean proper gravy."
"Yorkshire pudding?" Prentiss asked.
"You'll see what I mean by that later. They're not the kind of pudding that's sweet." She replied cryptically.
Persephone took the boys inside to wash their hands before they made their bread. They began by weighing out the flour. She took that time to teach them a little about weights. Cooking was a great time to teach children about maths and science. They were naturally curious and enjoyed practical lessons. She believed in allowing children experiences that allowed them to learn for themselves.
"What now?" Jack asked as he placed the flour in the mixing bowl.
"Well, now we need to add some yeast. This is what helps make bread rise." Persephone told them. She explained to them how the yeast was alive and feed on the sugars in the bread. That created carbon dioxide which caused it to rise. Both Jack and Henry thought that was really cool.
"Hello!" Henry waved down to the bowl.
"What are you doing Henry?" JJ asked watching the three of them from a nearby sofa.
"I'm saying hello to the yeast. It's alive! So, you have to say hello." Henry told his mother with a cute certainty. The little nod of his head that followed made JJ laugh.
"All right sweetie."
Jack and Persephone also waved to the yeast. They didn't want to dishearten the toddler. The smile on Henry's face showed them that it was the right call.
"Now we've added the yeast we have to add a little salt. This bit's important. We need to make sure we put it away from the salt or it will kill the salt and it won't rise." Persephone explained.
"That's sad."
"Yes, it is. So, add it carefully. That's it Jack well done."
Persephone let Henry add the water and the three of them took turns mixing it up until it formed a dough. She let them do the rest of the mixing with their hands. Once it was fully formed she placed the dough on the countertop.
"Now we need to need to dough. When we do this, it activates the gluten in the yeast and makes it do its job."
She split the dough into three and taught the two boys how to kneed bread. This part was the one that was the most fun. The three of them worked together to kneed the bread. Henry struggled a bit but that was understandable. When she was happy with her third she gave the younger boy a hand kneading the bread.
"Ok. Well done Henry and Jack. We're about done." Persephone informed them. She checked the stringiness of the bread and showed the boys the window trick. Then she combined them and kneaded for a little longer. Then she placed the dough back in the bowl.
"What do we do now?" Jack questioned.
"Well, now we need to wait for it to rise. So, we're going to put this bowl to the side and wait for an hour and a half."
"An hour and a half? That's ages." Jack complained.
"I know. So, what do you guys want to do in the meantime?" Persephone enquired.
It was decided that everyone would hang out in the backyard. The swimming pool looked enticing in the hot weather they were having. The refreshing water was cooling against Persephone's skin. By the time the alarm had told them the set time had elapsed, their skin had become wrinkled and the temperature had dropped slightly.
After they had got dressed and dried Henry, Jack and Persephone went back to baking their bread. She taught them how to knock back the bread. Before long the bread was set aside to prove again. It was in perfect timing too because, at that moment, the pizza arrived. It was time to eat some lunch.
"So, Persephone, you're from Britain?" Will asked as he put a couple of slices on his son's plate. He was pretty interested in hearing about the newest member of the BAU. He had heard a lot from his wife about the women. JJ had mentioned that she was great with children and after seeing how Persephone had interacted with his son and Jack he had to agree.
"That's right. I was born in Hastings, but we moved to Eastbourne shortly after I was born."
"Hastings. As in the battle of Hastings?"
"The very same. Only, the actual battle was in a place called Battle. It's a small town not far from Battle."
Reid nodded his head as if affirming what Persephone had said. It wasn't a surprise that the young genius knew that. He was, after all, very knowledgeable.
"So, what made you move to the States?" Will asked.
"Yeah Persephone, why did you move? You never actually said." JJ agreed.
Persephone sighed. She didn't exactly enjoy talking about herself. She wasn't sure why everyone seemed so interested in her life, but she supposed that was the perk of hanging around a load of profilers. She had to admit that she has the same curiosity.
"I wanted a change. I was already working for Interpol in London and then an opportunity came my way that gave me the chance to move to Washington. I decided that take that chance and I decided to stay." Persephone answered.
"But don't you miss what you left behind?" Prentiss asked.
"I suppose but I don't regret making the move. Washington has a brilliant team and I enjoyed working there. I wanted to be a profiler though so when I saw there was a spot on this team I figured that I might as well give it a shot."
"I hope that we match up to your expectations Ambrose." Hotch remarked.
"Of course." Persephone affirmed. "I'm glad I went for it. I'm even more glad I got the job."
"Well, we are too." Reid grinned.
Persephone raised her pizza slice as a way of showing her gratitude. The BAU family ate their lunch as they chattered. Jack told them all about how he was doing in school and Hotch shared the news on the latest that had gone on with the boy's interests. JJ and Will updated them all on Henry's development. Apparently, he has interested in baseball at the minute. Will beamed with pride as he told them about Henry's batting skills which were advanced for his age.
Garcia told them about how Kevin was currently visiting family in Florida. JJ and Emily listened to her complain about him not asking to meet them. Morgan was swiftly elbowed in the side by Persephone when he suggested 'visiting Kevin to 'suggest' that he apologised.
"Shut it, Morgan. Nellie, if he doesn't want you to meet his family it's probably because he's scared. Talk to him. And if it's because he's not proud of you I suggest you drop him." Persephone advised.
"Nellie?" Garcia queried.
"I thought it suited you."
Garcia smiled. She gave everyone nicknames but not many people gave her nicknames. She liked it. Garcia knew Persephone had given Reid a nickname, if she now had joined that club it meant the Brit considered her a good friend. It seemed like the massive walls that Persephone had erected were beginning to break and for the first time she wasn't panicking about it. Slowly but surely she was beginning to trust them and become part of their unorthodox family.
Reid apprised them about his mother's progress. They were pleased to discover that she was doing well and that she was back in the sanitorium. Her doctors were quite pleased with the progress she was making, and Reid seemed very relieved that she was all right again now.
After lunch, Persephone placed the bread in the oven. She let the rest of the team play some board games while she began the cook the dinner. It didn't need much preparation. Once she was done, she joined the rest of them in playing The Game of Life. She had never played it before, so Jack taught her how.
It seemed that Mudgie wanted to play too. They had barely started before the dog came running towards them and barked for attention. Rossi shook his head and chuckled. He said something about a split dog before he took one for the team and petted his dog. He tried to escape the licking that Mudgie was trying to give him, but it was no use.
An hour later, the dinner was ready. Sunday roasts were a weekly occurrence back when Persephone was living in Britain. Having one gave her a little piece of home. She was looking forward to sharing it with her team. Yorkshire Puddings were a staple of the Sunday Roast. It often confused people because they assumed they were sweet. They weren't though.
"Is this the bread we made?"
"It is."
Persephone placed the loaf in question on the table after she cut a few slices up. The smell of freshly baked bread filled their nostrils and made everyone's stomachs rumble. Once everyone was served she sat down and offered Jack a slice which he took eagerly.
"Mmm. I love it!" Jack approved.
"Well, you helped make it so well done." Hotch congratulated. It seemed that his son was becoming very interested in cooking and he was all too happy to foster that enthusiasm.
"Well. I have to admit that I was sceptical of your 'Yorkshire Puddings' but that was delicious." Rossi complimented as he helped tidy away.
"I'm glad that saw sense," Persephone commented.
She had been nervous about the reception of her meal, but it had some very positive responses. Whether they were telling the truth or telling her a lie to spare her feelings, Persephone wasn't entirely sure. However, she decided to believe the former rather than the latter. As she watched Rossi place the remainder of the meal in containers for them all to take home she had another memory.
Persephone heard the yell for dinner and groaned. She wanted to stay in her room and read her book, but she knew that wasn't an option. This home seemed a little better. They didn't make her cook and clean, but she didn't feel welcome. She wasn't going to trust them.
"Come on Persephone!" Mrs Taylor shouted as she noticed the girl had yet to move from the sofa.
"What's for dinner?" A boy whose name Persephone had not yet bothered to learn yet asked.
"Roast chicken. Come on, I've spent ages cooking this the least you can do is join us at the table Persephone."
Again, Persephone did not attempt to move or even respond to the request. Maybe if she ignored her long enough they would stop trying.
"Persephone Ambrose get your bum sat down at the table this instant. Come on! Get moving! My wife has spent ages cooking us a meal so you will join us." The commanding tone of Mr Taylor filled the room.
"Yes sir." Persephone quivered moving to join them at the table. Just as she was about to sit down her arm was grabbed and she was turned to the side.
SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! Mr Taylor planted half a dozen swats in quick succession.
"Next time we tell you to come you do so immediately. Now sit your ass down."
Persephone was pushed down into her chair and she winced as her bottom made contact with the hard wood.
"David!" Mrs Taylor complained.
"No Jean she's got to learn that when she's told to do something it is not optional. A few smacks never killed anyone." Mr Taylor responded.
"You know what her caseworker said."
"I don't care. You were being too soft on her. Now she knows that if she doesn't do what we say she'll get a smacking. Persephone, apologise for refusing to sit with us."
"I'm sorry sir. I'm sorry ma'am."
They sat down to eat but all that Persephone could think about was how much she hated it there. It didn't matter though. It wouldn't be long before they sent her back. They never kept her for very long. Mrs Taylor may like her, but it was clear who wore the trousers in the relationship and he certainly didn't. She gave it a week maybe two.
A week and a half later she was sat in the back of the car while her caseworker spoke to the Taylors. After a few minutes, he came back and looked at her in the rear-view mirror.
"Well?"
"They didn't like me."
"Honestly Persephone you don't make it easy for them."
"I'm sorry sir."
"Don't be sorry. Be better. Try and make effort with the next one."
Persephone looked down at her feet. It wasn't her job to make it easy or to make an effort. It wasn't like they ever did. But of course, it was her fault. It was always her fault.
"Are you all right there Persephone?" Spencer's voice brought her attention back to the room.
"I'm fine Spen. I was just thinking." Persephone reassured.
"Care to share those thoughts with us?" Morgan asked seeing that she clearly had a lot on her mind.
Persephone shook her head gently. She may have felt at home enough to share something about her mum but that was all she was ready to say. Her life after her mother's death was not something that she liked to talk about. Maybe, in a few weeks, she would be ready to talk to Spencer about it but not here and not right now.
"I'm sorry. I know I can hide a lot from you but I'm not ready to talk about that just yet. Maybe in a few months but not right now."
Reid moved forward and placed a hand on her shoulder. He gave her a soft reassuring squeeze before he spoke, his voice equally soft.
"It's all right Persephone. You don't have to share anything that you are not ready or comfortable."
"Pretty boy's right. We're all here if you need to talk and we won't judge you for whatever is on your mind. But if you aren't ready to talk then we won't push you." Morgan agreed.
"Thanks. I will tell you someday."
"No rush." Hotch insisted.
Persephone was grateful. Normally people resented her lack of wanting to share things about her personal life. They didn't understand that sharing personal things wasn't something that she did or liked. Her other teams barely knew anything about her, and she'd spent years working with them. It was different with this team though. They had never pushed her to share something and yet she felt instinctively that she could share things with them.
"It's cold tonight."
Spencer approached Persephone a little later when she was alone. She was outside enjoying the sky. He took a seat next to Persephone and passed her a cup of cocoa. Jack had asked for some before bed and Hotch had agreed. Rossi had quickly made a cup and soon he was making some for all of them.
"A little." She agreed.
Persephone smiled and took the hot chocolate with a thank-you. It was a little chilly that night. It wasn't enough to require a jacket but there was a definite chill in the air. The hot chocolate would be good right about now.
"What are you doing out here?"
"Nothing. I'm just enjoying the view I guess."
Reid looked up at the sky. He had to admit the beauty of the sky. Purples and blues swirled together, stars sparkled and flickers. The trees cast a silhouette. He could understand why Persephone loved looking at it. It was calming. He tried to identify some constellations and he noticed the big dipper, as bright and as stunning as ever.
"Are you thinking about that thing you don't want to talk about?" Reid asked breaking the silence.
"Spen." Persephone warned.
"You don't have to say anything about it. Just answer me this: Are you?"
"I am." She confirmed.
"You know. I hate that someone hurt you." Spencer began. He flashed Persephone an uncertain smile "But that doesn't mean I pity you."
"I hate that someone hurt you too. Your father left you to take care of your mother."
"And do you pity me?"
"No." She acknowledged because she didn't. She didn't think about Reid like that. To pity him would be to look down on him and she could never do that to him.
"You don't?"
Persephone shook her head.
"No. I admire you because you looked after her so well and still look after her to this day."
"And that's the same for me. I admire you because I know whatever happened to you as a kid, you survived it."
"Not all of us survived."
That was a convoluted statement if ever there was one. Reid tried hard not to profile that answer. He had a feeling it was about the subject she wasn't ready to share with them. If that was the case, he was going to respect her need for privacy. He felt proud of himself for his ability to control himself.
"No." Reid agreed though he wasn't entirely sure what it was he agreed to. "But you did."
"Not without any scars."
"Well, Rossi says that scars show us where we have been, they do not dictate where we are going."
Persephone grunted. She supposed that there was some truth in that statement. It did sound like something the Italian would say. His age gave him a wisdom that years of life experience could only give. The advice he gave was often useful but that didn't make it any less annoying.
"You know I was kidnapped once."
That was not what Persephone expected Spencer to say. It a pretty big thing to just randomly share. It was also completely unrelated to their present conversation. Well not completely unrelated but it took her a minute to understand the leap that he was making. He was comparing metaphorical scars.
"Really?" Persephone prompted. She hoped that Spencer wouldn't try and get her to talk after this. Just because he was in the sharing mood didn't mean she was.
"By Tobias Hankel. He was a serial killer with DID. After he kept and tortured me for a few days I developed an addiction to Dilaudid. He injected me with it. Since then I have been battling that fight. I just got my four-year chip."
"Well done."
"Thanks. But I didn't tell you to get thanks. Or to manipulate you into talking."
Good. Persephone couldn't help the feeling of relief that washed over her. She also felt curious. If he wasn't trying to manipulate her then why had he shared that with her?
"Then why did you?"
"I shared it to show that you aren't the only ones with scars. We all do. Some of them are physical and some of them are mental. So, we understand."
"Maybe you do. Maybe you don't."
"Whether we do or not, we're here Persephone. That's how we do things here. We're more than a team. We are a family and you are a part of that family now."
Persephone glanced at Reid. She could tell that he spoke sincerely. The team would be there for her when she needed it. They would be her family. It had been so long since she had that, so long that she wasn't sure she knew how to act with them. She also wasn't sure that she wanted one yet. Having a family was all well and good but if- when – you lost that it was painful. He wasn't sure that she could go through that again.
Then again, Persephone thought about everything that had happened that weekend. She had had the best fun she had in years. She wanted more days like this. She wanted to have that feeling when she was a kid before everything had turned upside down. So maybe, just maybe, it was worth the risk of getting hurt once again. She just hoped she would never lose them because if she did she didn't know if she could survive it.