A/N: Sooooo… I think I'm going to pretty much trash my schedule. I'll just post whenever I'm done… you know, 'cause I apparently can't stick with a schedule XD. I hope you enjoy this chapter! The next one will be out ASAP. And I'm sorry it's SOOOO late :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

4

Defense Against the Dark Arts

"We will be repotting Mandrakes today. Can anyone tell me the properties of a Mandrake?" Professor Sprout asked, looking at each student in turn. The Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs were having Herbology class in Greenhouse 7. When Hermione had entered, she had looked longingly at the spot of dust that hid their trapdoor. She, Pansy, Draco, and Blaise were going to be meeting there after their last class of the day. Hermione's last class happened to be Herbology, in the Greenhouse where the trapdoor was.

Hermione's hand shot up, to nobody's surprise, and Professor Sprout called on her. "Mandrake, or Mandragora, is used to bring those who have been transfigured or cursed, for example, petrified, to their original state."

The class no longer looked in awe at Hermione at how well she knew everything, as they were already quite used to it.

"Correct. Five points to Gryffindor," Professor Sprout said. "But, it is also dangerous. Who can tell me why?"

Hermione's hand shot up again, fingers reaching for the ceiling. "The cry of a Mandrake is fatal to anyone who hears it."

"Exactly. Take five more points. Now, the Mandrakes we have here are still babies." Professor Sprout walked around the long table, handing each person a pair of pink and fluffy earmuffs. Hermione held them in front of her, certain about what they were going to do next. While the Herbology professor instructed the other kids what to do, she fantasized about what it would be like if no one cared who was friends with who. She imagined herself walking down the halls with Draco, Pansy, Blaise, and Daphne, with not a care in the world.

Hermione was brought back to reality when Professor Sprout announced to put the earmuffs on. Hermione brought them to her ears and snapped them on. She couldn't hear anything.

Professor Sprout looked at the potted plant in front of her before getting gloves on and firmly pulling at the leaves on the plant.

Hermione knew what she would see when the head of Hufflepuff took the leaves out, but it still surprised her. Instead of roots, a small, muddy, and extremely ugly baby popped out of the earth. The leaves were growing right out of his head. He had pale green, mottled skin, and was clearly bawling at the top of his lungs.

Professor Sprout popped him into another pot, and covered him more thoroughly with dirt. She gave them a thumbs-up, and everyone started taking off their earmuffs. Hermione hadn't heard what she said she would do when it was all right to take off their earmuffs, so she just did what everyone else did.

"You see, these are just babies, so their cry won't kill you yet. But it could knock you out for several hours, so wear your earmuffs correctly. Now you try."

Hermione looked up from the book she was reading to see Lockhart walking towards her, Harry, Ron, Colin Creevey (a new Gryffindor), and none other than Emily Taylor, Vincent Crabbe, and Gregory Goyle.

They were in the courtyard, and Colin had just asked Harry for a signed autograph. Emily was making fun of Harry 'giving out signed autographs'.

"What's going on?" Lockhart asked, coming close to the group.

Hermione rolled her eyes at the absolute glee on Lockhart's face. He never seemed to not be smiling. She went back to her book, tuning out everything else.

In Defence Against the Dark Arts later, Ron and Hermione sat on either side of Harry, who had all seven Lockhart books piled up in front of him.

"You better hope Colin Creevey doesn't meet Ginny," Ron informed. "Otherwise they'll be starting a Harry Potter Fan Club."

Hermione managed a small smile at the joke, but Harry didn't take it very well.

"Shut up," he answered, turning back to the stack of books in front of him.

Hermione took out her DADA books as well and placed them on the desk in front of her.

Lockhart walked out from behind a huge tapestry of himself, onto a balcony—which hadn't been there the year before.

"Hello, class," he said, with the air of someone well-respected. Some people would say he should be respected, others disagree. "Me," Lockhart continued, pointing at the tapestry behind him. The Lockhart on the tapestry was winking. The real Lockhart winked as well, before continuing. "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award — but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"

He looked like he expected people to laugh, and only a couple of girls gave feeble giggles. Hermione glared at Lockhart, frowning, knowing something was off about the Defence Professor.

"Anyway," Lockhart said, looking at each member of the class in turn. When he got to Hermione, he looked surprised. Probably because she was glaring at him and not smiling like an idiot like most girls did when they saw him. "I see that all of you have gotten all of my books, well done. Now, I'm going to give you a little test, nothing big, just to see how well you've read them." He walked around the class handing a piece of parchment to each student in turn.

"You have thirty minutes. Start now!"

Hermione looked at the first question.

1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?

2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?

3. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?

Hermione knew what the answers were, of course, as she had read the books thoroughly, but she was slightly angered that they would only be answering questions about Lockhart, and not Defence.

Lilac. Hermione wrote for the first question.

Market his own range of hair care potions. She wrote for the next one. She knew that what he had really said was 'rid the world of evil' but she knew he didn't care about that; he would much rather market his own range of hair care potions.

A bottle of Odgen's Old Firewhiskey. Hermione put down for the third question. Lockhart had said in Wandering with Werewolves that what he'd like his birthday present to be was harmony between all magic and non-magic people, but he had also said he loved firewhiskey. She had put that down because it seemed more like the real Lockhart then the harmony thing.

Hermione went through many more question before arriving at:

60. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?

That he could make everyone believe he had done that stuff. Hermione thought, finally realizing what was off about Lockhart's books. He didn't do any of the things said in it! Other people must have done them, and he had written his books as if he had done them himself. Hermione had to tell someone, but who?

Instead of writing what she thought was his greatest achievement, she just wrote down:

Making that Vampire only able to eat lettuce.

After half an hour of answering questions about Gilderoy Lockhart, they handed their parchments to their Professor. He stood at the front of the room, flicking through each paper.

He tsked, shaking his head. "Hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti." Hermione droned out the rest of Lockhart's speech, until she heard her own name and gave a start.

"Only Miss Hermione Granger knew that my secret ambition is to market my own range of hair care potions! In fact—" he flipped the paper over to look at the other side. "—full marks. Where is Miss Hermione Granger?"

Hermione raised her hand, not nearly as high as in the other classes.

Lockhart's eyebrows flew up his face in shock. He must have realized she was the one that had glared at him. He shook his head in disbelief before continuing like nothing had happened.

"Very good, Miss Granger. Ten points to Gryffindor!" Lockhart looked at the class, half of them looking extremely bored. "Now, onto business."

He reached behind his desk, which was in front of the balcony, and produced a covered cage. He plopped it on the desk before turning back to the class.

"Be warned!" Lockhart exclaimed. "It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind! You might find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm."

Hermione rolled her eyes at the Defence Professor, if you could even call him that. She had a slight idea of what was under the covering.

Two minutes later, the classroom was a huge mess. Cornish pixies were what was in the cage. They were electric blue creatures, about 8 inches tall. They had completely trashed the room. There was broken glass next to the windows, where they had flown out; Neville was hanging from the chandelier (Why, in the name of Merlin, does Lockhart have a chandelier! Hermione thought furiously); books were shredded and ink was poured around the entire classroom.

"Come on now, round them up, they're only pixies!" Lockhart yelled. He had somehow gotten up onto his balcony in the time the class had been wrecked. He whipped out his wand and did a complicated motion that Hermione was sure was not right, and shouted, "Peskipiksi Pesternomi!"
Nothing happened. Just as Hermione had suspected would happen.

The bell rang as a pixie took Lockhart's wand and threw it out the window. There was a scramble, and almost everybody ran out of the room. As Lockhart looked around the room, he turned to Hermione, who was sitting calmly in her seat, and Harry and Ron, who were hiding under the desk.

"I'll just ask you three to get the rest into the cage." Lockhart strutted out of the classroom and closed the door behind him. Hermione rolled her eyes and stood up, walking to the teacher's desk. She stood up on the desk and eyed the room before bringing her fingers to her lips and whistling loud and shrill. Every movement in the room stopped sharply, and Harry and Ron slowly got out from under the desk and made their way through the mess over to Hermione.

Hermione started talking in pixie. She said, "Please get back in the cage, and round up all your other friends too. I promise I'll let you out into the Forest if you do."

The pixies slowly made their way over to the cage, as a couple of them flew outside and got the pixies who had broken the windows and escaped. Then Hermione cast a couple of charms and soon everything was in place. Ron and Harry were looking at Hermione in awe, and she smiled sweetly at them before jumping off the desk and grabbing the cage. She then walked outside the castle and to Hagrid's hut and handed him the cage. She knew he would take good care of them. Then she went to meet up with her Slytherin friends.