Enjoy.

April 12th, 2020

"Any luck with the songs for the EP?" Seraphine asked. "We've got my two covers done, but we have none of your tracks done and I feel bad."

"Well, I actually made something last night," I said to Seraphine as she idly strummed at her guitar.

"Wait, you finished the whole track overnight?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Mixing and everything?" She double-checked.

"Yup," I confirmed.

"Wow."

"…That shocked?"

Seraphine flushed. "Well, It's… just a little surprising. With how little progress we were both making and all that, I mean," she explained. Then, she grinned widely. "I love the name already."

"Cinnamon Sugar?"

She nodded. "Mmhm. It's cute." Setting down her guitar, she slipped on her headphones. "Alright, I'm ready to listen."

The track opened with a classic R&B percussion rhythm that featured muted kicks, light snare rolls, and consistent taps on the side of a closed hi-hat.

"All these sweet talks, midnight drives to your place— Still come to my shoes when you don't wanna see my face," I sang. "And I love when you throw your clothes on the floor, could I sit and watch you put your makeup on before you leave out the door."

From the first section of the verse, the soft, lilted piano played gentle notes, and it was shortly followed by the deep strums of a bass guitar. "And I know, you like tea in the morning, cause coffee don't do your heart well. I'm all ears, your stories never get boring— Even though they're stupid as hell."

Seraphine giggled.

I chuckled alongside her.

"When its time to go, by the time you'll know— Cinnamon sugar, cravin' that flavor, taste a little sweeter when its drippin' from your lips."

"Now that I realized I can't let go," I sang in falsetto, every word pronounced and emphasized by the rhythmic strumming of the bass guitar. "Cause I need you every time and day baby— But I know I will find my way to your heart. Show me the way, the way…"

I paused the track. "Aside from the verses and the bridge and stuff, that's pretty much the whole song," I said.

"That was amazing," Seraphine said with a smile.

"Thank you, Seraphine." You were the inspiration after all.

"Not sure what I did," Sera replied. "But you're welcome, Jae." She scrunched her nose adorably and brought up a fist. "Alright, looks like I need to get to work too! I need to catch up with you, after all."

I grinned. "That you do, Ser."

And with renewed passion, Seraphine and I continued to work on the EP for nearly the entire day.

[;]

April 21st, 2020

I glanced back at Seraphine. "This is super random, but do you think you could learn Korean lyrics?"

She looked up from her laptop as she sat on my bed with her back against the headboard. She had a blanket drawn over legs and her laptop in her lap. Her hair was wet from the shower she had taken— something we decided she would do as a precautionary measure against the virus. Sera hummed in thought. "Mmm… Most likely," she stated confidently. "Is it for just one song?"

"Two songs." I motioned for her to come over as I pulled up the notepad I was using to write the lyrics. There were three duets, with two of them in Korean and the last one in English. I had the Korean lyrics separated into two different sections, one with the original Korean lyrics and the other with the translated English lyrics. "I've been working on the lyrics for the duets for most of the week, and they're mostly done."

"Oh. Already?" Seraphine asked, looking over my shoulder at the lyrics. "Would it really kill you to at least let me take a look at them first?"

"I… I'm sorry. I was just really inspired lately, so I let that take control," I murmured.

"It's okay," Seraphine replied. "It just means I need to get better at writing, I guess."

"We all have things to improve on." I smiled. "I have to start working with you instead of just going off and doing my own thing."

"Mmh." Seraphine crouched down and grabbed hold of the mouse to scroll down the notepad. "All of these look good, and thanks for romanizing it."

I chuckled. "Think you can do it?"

She stood up. "Yeah. I can do it."

"Great." I grabbed the nearest guitar. "Let's get to recording."

[;]

May 1st, 2020

With my newfound inspiration, the EP was finished within the month. After the last three months of little to no progress, struggling to even start producing or writing lyrics, finishing the entire EP in such a short time felt good. It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Because of how many tracks there were, finding enough inspiration within ourselves to fulfill that track count was a mental strain.

But we did it.

Seraphine finished writing her last song; I found the perfect Gallant song to cover. And I wrote my other three songs within the course of a week, as well as the three duets that Seraphine and I wanted on the EP. Two of which were in Korean.

Even though Seraphine didn't speak it, she sang them extremely well. After a few takes, and a little help from me, of course.

"You know, I feel kinda bad for re-using Jhin's photos for the EP," admitted Seraphine. "It sort of feels like we're just taking it from him, and I don't think he would take too kindly to that."

I shrugged. "He did send all of them to us, even though we were only using one photo for the project." I pulled up the photo we chose for the EP cover.

I sat in a chair in the middle of the frame with my legs open, resting an elbow on my right knee and my chin in the palm of my hands. Seraphine sat between my legs, the back of her head leaned up against my left knee. And the both of us were staring at each other, as if we were deeply enamored.

"I think it's good though," Sera said. "Really fits the concept."

"Definitely," I agreed. Right now, I was in the process of uploading the EP onto Soundcloud, where almost all of our music was. Despite the two of us being fairly unknown artists, we had a decent amount of plays on Soundcloud. For our last EP, WONDER, Seraphine's main track, With Starry-Eyes, had nearly fifty-thousand listens. Her other song Shh in REMINISCE had over seventy-thousand listens. "It's interesting that people listen to your songs a lot more than mine or even our duets," I commented.

She glanced over at me, her eyes slightly widened. "Really?"

I nodded, somewhat surprised at her own shock. "Yeah. Here, look." I opened up the respective songs to show Seraphine.

"Oh, wow," she gushed. "Honestly, I kind of forgot that we uploaded the first two EPs we made on Spotify."

"That forgettable, huh?" I retorted, fighting back my grin.

Seraphine frowned and scratched the side of her neck with a finger. "Well, I didn't say it was forgettable… I just forgot about the uploading part, which was just a small part of that whole experience."

"I'm joking, Ser," I chuckled. "But still, it's impressive right? People are really listening to you."

A small smile danced across her lips. "Yeah. They are." She put her hands together. "It's all thanks to you too," she said. "If you hadn't uploaded those tracks, then they wouldn't have heard me."

I shrugged. That was something I could hardly take credit for. "You would have uploaded it eventually, Ser. But I appreciate the sentiment," I said honestly.

Seraphine nodded. "So, now that we're done working on the EP, mind telling me where you found that sudden burst of inspiration?" She asked out of the blue.

I let out a nervous chuckle. "I.. Uh… I just sort of forced it to come out?" I tried.

"You 'forced' it out?"

"Something like that," I said. "It sort of just came to me, y'know?"

"Why not just tell me the real reason?"

"Because…" I trailed off. "Because I don't know how to say it."

"You seem to be able to write about it well enough," she countered..

"But you know as well as I do that writing it is nothing like saying it, Ser."

"I just don't understand, Jae." She leaned forward, her face inches from mine. "Please, help me understand."

I shook my head. "I… I don't even know how to put it into words, Sera." I chuckled slightly. "I just need time. That's all I need. Give me time to find the right words."

"Then take as much time as you need," Sera said, pulling away. "I'll always be here."

[;]

In the middle of the night, I heard the sound of laughter coming from the living room. When I went to go check, I found Eunkyung sitting on the sofa, a blanket drawn over her legs and her face illuminated by the light of the television. Her eyes were trained on the TV while she munched on the bowl of popcorn that rested in her lap.

"Jae?" She asked, most likely seeing me slightly open my door. "It's late, what are you doing awake?"

"Couldn't sleep." I stepped out of my room. Taking a seat beside my sister, I leaned my head against the back of the sofa. There were too many thoughts crossing my mind. Too many to keep track of, too many to count, it was almost dizzying.

"Thoughts kept you up?"

"Yeah."

Eunkyung reached for the remote on the coffee table and paused the movie she was watching. She turned to face her entire body towards me. "Talk to me."

"It's… about Seraphine," I began. "But you probably already knew that."

"Jae, the only things you ever talk about now are Seraphine and music. And even the music is usually about Seraphine." Eunkyung cracked a smile. "Did you finally decide how you feel about her?"

"I did," I confirmed. "I love her."

"And you're sure that you love her?"

I shrugged. "I'm not a hundred-percent certain, but I know that I feel very strongly about her."

"As long as you're confident. That's more than enough," Eunkyung said. She reached over and put a hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"I just don't know what to say," I said, my hands curling and tightening around the blanket. "It's frustrating. An entire EP of lyrics, and I still don't know what to say."

Eunkyung rubbed my shoulder. "That's fine, Jae," she comforted. "Have you told Seraphine?"

"That I love her?"

"That you don't know what to say."

"I did."

"What did she say?"

"She's willing to wait as long as it takes."

Eunkyung sighed.

"Is… is that bad?"

"It's not," Eunkyung replied. "It's just what people always say. And words hardly matter when it comes to something like this. If you can't carry out what you say, then it doesn't matter."

"Is that what happened to you and Caitlyn?"

Eunkyung pursed her lips and shook her head. "No. Caitlyn just… didn't feel the same way as I did anymore. And I could tell. I could tell the moment her feelings for me changed, and when I knew that she had found someone to replace me."

"Do you hate her?"

She chuckled at that, despite the seriousness of my question. "I wish I could say that I don't. That I'm over her. That I've healed. But… But after three years, I think I'm still as angry as I was the day that she left me."

"I'm so—"

Eunkyung put up a hand to cut off my apology. "It's something I need to fix myself, Jae. And I was exaggerating. I'm doing better than I was those years ago. Much better." She glanced to the side. "While I'm nowhere near as happy I could be, I'm also nowhere near as depressed as I was— and I think that's a really good thing for me."

My mouth opened and closed while I searched for a response. "Okay," I said lamely.

Eunkyung rolled her eyes. Then, she patted my back twice. "Alright, to bed you go. Go think about what I said."

I stood up and walked to my room. I glanced back at Eunkyung. "Thank you, Noona."

She looked over to me, smiling slightly. "You're welcome, Jae."

[;]

I laid on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, fully processing what Eunkyung told me.

Action meant more than words. They had more weight. More power. More meaning. That was the goal, wasn't it? To find meaning in my relationship with Seraphine? To make our relationship have meaning— or more meaning? To me, this was the single most important relationship in my life, second only to my relationship with my sister.

It struck me then: I had no idea how Seraphine viewed our relationship.

Sure, she flirted with me, but that was just a part of her character. She was flirty with people she was comfortable with. She was friendly, approachable. We talked very often, and she, apart from my sister, was the only other human being I saw in person.

Maybe I could ask Lux…?

I shook my head free of that awful thought. Texting Lux "Hey! I wanted your opinion on whether not you think Seraphine would respond well to me confessing my love to her," after not talking to her for months would be the stupidest thing on the planet.

And this was something I needed to do on my own.

It was something I needed to figure out on my own.

It wouldn't be genuine otherwise.

I let out a groan, ruffling my hair, grabbing my nearest pillow, and smacking it against my head a few times. This is stupid! I feel like a nervous high-schooler whose never so much as talked to a girl in his life!

It was hard to shake the feeling— the rapid beating of my heart in my chest, the butterflies that fluttered around in my stomach, and the lightning that rushed through my veins.

"If you can't carry out what you say, then it doesn't matter," I repeated to myself.

Words don't matter. Action does.

Then, letting out a deep sigh, I dropped my pillow onto my face.

The answer was right in front of me.

I didn't need to find the right thing to say.

I needed to find the right thing to do.

[;]

June 11th, 2020

"We're graduating from UCLA in twelve hours and we're laying down on the floor of your living room staring up at the ceiling," Seraphine said to my side, her tone incredibly soft as she let out a small giggle. "That's… crazy."

For some reason, California decided to turn up the heat today, and everybody in LA was currently experiencing a comfortable 90°. To save ourselves, Seraphine and I moved the coffee table aside, as well as the carpet, and decided to lounge on the wooden floor of my apartment.

"Can you really call it a graduation?" I asked. "It's virtual, after all."

"And we already have our diplomas," she added with a chuckle. "Yeah. I guess it's not really a graduation."

"No Grad-Nite either."

"If there was one, would you have gone?"

I shrugged. "Probably. At least to go and talk to the musicians there."

"Of course you would go for that."

"I'm that predictable, huh?"

"Only when it comes to music," replied Sera. "You're an enigma otherwise."

"An enigma, huh?"

"Mmh." Seraphine propped herself up onto one arm and turned to face me. "Are you excited?"

"As excited as I can be," I replied honestly. I rested my hands on my stomach, folding my fingers together. "More excited for life after we graduate, honestly."

"Nothing to do but make music," Seraphine said. "Is that what excites you so much?"

"Yeah," I replied. "I mean, getting to do what I love without having to worry about school is a blessing."

"Definitely," she agreed. "Do you think you'll keep going to school?"

I shrugged. "There's no real point in getting a higher education for me. I think I've absorbed all of the academic knowledge of music that I could— which sounds arrogant of me, but I genuinely think my time would be better spent in the studio, making music and actually applying that knowledge."

"I think you're right," Seraphine said. "There's nothing wrong with wanting to get as experience as possible."

"What about you? Are you gonna go to graduate school?"

Seraphine raised a brow. "You really think I'm made for graduate school?"

I chuckled. "Guess I'm gonna have to deal with you for a little longer then, huh?"

"You're gonna have to deal with me until the day one of us dies, Jae," she corrected, a sly grin growing on her lips. "That's something you can count on."

"Then deal with you, I shall."

Seraphine giggled. "Good."

[;]

June 12th, 2020

On the morning of my graduation, it was Eunkyung that woke me up, not my alarm. She'd taken hold of my shoulder and gently rustled me awake. She had a towel turban that encased her wet hair, and her glasses were slightly foggy from the heat that emanated from her face as she looked down at me.

"Wake up. Your ceremony is in three hours."

"Mhh." I groggily sat up, rubbing my eyes and running a hand through my mess of hair. "I'm up, I'm up."

"Good." Eunkyung walked over to my door. "It's a big day today," she said, glancing back at me. "Enjoy it to the fullest."

[;]

That morning, I took the longest, coldest shower that I could manage. But it hardly managed to calm down my nerves. I wasn't sure why I was so nervous. I wasn't sure why a cold stone had settled in the center of my chest. It remained there, unmoving, yet moving me entirely.

It was graduation.

It was one of the few events in your life that you didn't get to repeat.

And it was only until I left the shower and saw Eunkyung standing before the small shrine to our parents that I understood why. She had her hands drawn together, her fingers interlocked as she muttered a prayer under her breath.

The shrine was simple, and mostly unnoticeable. In truth, it was something that I'd forget about from time to time. It was humble. A small wooden desk with candles, flowers, and three standing photos of our parents and us. When we were all still together.

I approached from behind Eunkyung. "Think they're proud of me?" I asked despite already knowing the answer.

She nudged my side with her elbow. "You were their baby. They would be proud of any of your accomplishments." Eunkyung smiled softly. "Yeah. I think they're proud of you."

"They were proud of you too, you know."

"Yeah. I know."

"You don't sound so sure."

Eunkyung shrugged. "It wouldn't have hurt to have heard it more often."

I put a hand on her shoulder. "It won't be the same, but I'll say it to you anytime you need it."

She put her hand atop mine. "Thanks, Jae."

"Anytime, Eunkyung."

Closing my eyes, I placed my hand atop the frame that held a picture of my father and my mother, holding each other in a side hug, smiling comfortably at the camera. It was an older picture— one of the few that didn't feature me or my sister, funnily enough.

Hey Mom. Hey Dad. It's been awhile since I've talked to you. I know I do it every year, but I figured that now would be a good time to check in, I guess. You probably already know because Eunkyung told you, but here I am, telling you myself: I'm graduating in a bit.

Well, technically I've already graduated because my diploma is sitting in my room. Unopened, sure— but I still have it.

Anyways, that's besides the point.

I'm excited about graduation, I guess.

I… I really wish you two were here to see me graduate.

It would have been really amazing.

In other— I guess happier— news, I'm in love with my best friend.

She introduced herself to you two last year.

Her name is Yeng Seraphine.

And she's the best thing that ever happened to me.

It's funny actually, I'm trying to write a song about her, about my love for her. And it is simultaneously the most difficult thing I've ever done, and the easiest thing I've ever done. Heh. I know that doesn't make any sense, but if there's anyone that I know that can figure it out, it's you two.

You two were so in love. You always knew what to say to each other.

And yet I don't have a clue.

But I guess that comes with the territory, right?

I opened my eyes. "Mom, Dad, please take care of us," I prayed.

As I finished, Eunkyung grinned at me. She clapped her hands together. "Alright, since it's your graduation, I think it's time that I cooked something for you instead of you cooking something for me."

"Wait, wait, wait, I don't think—"

Eunkyung waved me off. "Nonsense! I've been practicing this recipe for awhile now, and it's super easy. Pretty much no way I can mess this up."

"Oh boy…"

[;]

After nearly an hour of helping Eunkyung cook, telling her what to do and what not to do (specifically when it came to ensuring that our apartment did not go down in flames), and finally convincing her to just let me cook instead, we comfortably ate our food on the sofa while watching an episode from one of Eunkyung's many K-dramas she watched.

There wasn't much else to do while waiting for the graduation ceremony to start.

"I refuse to believe that, out of all the possible emotions I could be feeling before my graduation, I feel bored," I announced as I finished my food. "It could be worse, I guess."

Eunkyung rolled her eyes. "Everything could always be worse. But in this case, boredom is probably only second best to being happy," she argued. "Rather be bored than nervous, right?"

"Right."

"I got an idea," Eunkyung said, poking my side.

"And that is?"

"Talk to Sera."

"Noona, she's celebrating her graduation too, I don't want to bother her—"

"Don't want to bother her like you think you'll bother Lux?"

I pursed my lips.

"When was the last time you even talked to Lux?"

"Maybe four months ago…"

Eunkyung clicked her tongue. "Jae…"

"I… I'm awful, aren't I?"

"Just a little bit," she confirmed with a nod. "But I don't doubt the fact that Lux is incredibly busy. Look, just go and give Seraphine a call. Never know, she might be itching to talk to you too."

"Alright, alright," I stood up to drop my plate off at the sink.

"Leave your plate, I'll wash."

"Was already planning on it."

"Mmh."

I stepped into my room and called Seraphine, pressing my phone to my ear.

After not even a single ring, she picked up.

"Hey, Jae!"

"Hi, Ser."

Seraphine giggled. "Missed me?"

"Yes, I did," I replied flatly. "I miss you."

"Oh— Uh— I…. I miss you too, Jae." She coughed. "So why did you call me?"

"Just wanted to talk to you before the ceremony." I sat down on the edge of my bed. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm good! Really excited. My Dad's been bothering me for the last couple hours on how we should dress and stuff," Seraphine explained. "How about you?"

"Nervous," I murmured.

"Why nervous?"

"Maybe not exactly nervous. More sad, I guess."

"Why sad, then?"

"My… parents won't be here for my graduation. And I guess that realizing that broke my heart," I said, trying to hide the dejection in my voice. The last thing that Seraphine needed on her own graduation day was to worry about me. This was as much her day as it was mine. "But don't worry about that," I quickly voiced my thoughts. "Eunkyung is here to take care of me."

"Good." She breathed a sigh of relief. "That's good."

"Mmhm." I nodded.

The conversation fell into a lull, and I found myself simply staring up at my ceiling in the silence.

"Still awake?"

I cracked a smile. "Yeah, I am."

Seraphine chuckled. "Go and get ready, Jae. I'm sure that you're still lounging around in your pajamas. We've only got an hour left before the ceremony starts."

"Sounds good." I sat up and stretched. "Thanks for the talk, Sera. It helped."

"I'm… not really sure what I did," she said. "But you're welcome, I guess."

"Talk to you later, Ser."

"Later, Jae."

And the call came to an end with a muted beep!

"Well, no time like the present, I suppose."

[;]

It hadn't even occurred to me how strange a virtual graduation would be. There was so little time to adjust for anything, to have a proper plan for everything that when the graduation started, there were already technical problems.

Some months ago, it was announced that the graduation would be streamed on the UCLA website so that everyone, regardless of whether or not they were a UCLA student could view it.

Since it was live, there was hardly time to fix the problems. As the graduation progressed, from the speeches given by the Dean, the Valedictorian, and the Class of 2020 Student Representative, some of the present staff's microphones weren't muted, others had their cameras activated when they weren't supposed to, and the broadcast would sometimes lag behind the audio by half a second.

Eunkyung, who was sitting beside me on the sofa, had her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes narrowed at the television screen. "You'd think that UCLA would be pretty handy at fixing their tech, especially given how much money you're paying them."

"No one's perfect," I attempted to argue. But in truth, I was feeling incredibly frustrated myself. I expected more out of my school. Out of the place that I spent four years studying within. Out of the place that I'm proud to be graduating from. And there was nothing wrong with expecting more out of something. Or someone. "They're probably not gonna bother with saying the names of every graduate, huh?"

"Definitely not. If they do, we're gonna be here for five or more hours. And no family member has the time to be sitting around like that."

"Could always just leave it on and then come out when the 'T's go up."

Eunkyung shrugged. "We'll see if they even start calling out the names."

And sure enough, they never even bothered to say the names of each graduate.

"And now, officially, I would like to congratulate UCLA's Class of 2020 on persevering, navigating, and succeeding during such a difficult year. Every single one of you did it," the student representative said, looking straight at the camera with a wide smile. "We did it together. And as we start the next chapter of our lives, remember the time that we spent at UCLA. The memories. The moments. All of it. Thank you."

I sat on the living room sofa, my diploma in my hand and the staff's cheers peaking over the speakers, causing it to crackle, and I let out a deep breath.

What a fucking graduation.

It wasn't like the year could get any worse, right?

Thank you so much for reading the chapter. If you enjoyed it, please leave a review, they really mean a lot to me. As always, love you guys, and see you all on the next chapter.

Next Chapter: 2/5/2021