Hello, all.
This chapter comes at a weird time. Thanks to all who reviewed- nearly as many as last time, good job! - and love to you all. Especially those who wished me luck for the scholarship. We're at 716 reviews now! WOW!
On to the story! Much to read at the bottom, but I'll save that for later.
Chapter synopsis: Harry is rather stupidly upset with Hermione over the whole Number Twelve Occlumency reveal. Hermione sighs and generally reassures him. Hermione then goes to Severus and they have a much needed talk (and kiss) and generally even out their relationship a bit more. Severus analyses his relationship with Hermione and realizes how deep he's in now.
Chapter 26
The lessons would be beginning soon. Severus had taken painstaking measures to be sure his office was perfect- the jars of various slimy and slowly decomposing potions ingredients were arranged in order of grossness, the lights were dim, and the eerie blue glow of the Pensieve was creating an atmosphere of gloom. Severus smirked. He needed the boy to feel as uncomfortable as possible, and playing the typical villain was the best way to do that.
He did take a perverse kind of pleasure in aggravating Potter's son. The boy was annoying, sniveling, unremarkable, a miserable excuse for a savior. The pains he put Hermione through- he could hate the boy for that alone, without all the history being the disgusting tangle of black hair and the cocky way he flew. It was a gut-filling satisfaction every time the boy's control broke, every time he gave into anger rather than keeping a cool head.
Yes, Severus could say to himself. Yes, this is the savior Dumbledore has put all our hopes on. James Potter's idiot son, who I will probably die to protect. Yes, Lily, this is what my promise to you has earned me. Aren't you proud? This is what will face the Dark Lord.
And the he could sink into despondence, misery, self-righteous knowledge that he could turn his back on the boy and support the Dark Side fully, and he was not going to do so, no matter that it would double his chances of survival. He had an easy way out, he could kill the boy with two words and go to the Dark Lord's side triumphant to have every honor possible bestowed upon him. He could go over to the side of the most likely victors, he could follow every Slytherin instinct in his body telling him that he had approximately a 0.6% chance of living through the war if he continued to support this hotheaded joke.
That he could face that side of himself every day and turn it away gave him a bitter kind of pleasure. He would truly be sacrificing himself to the cause. No one would be able to say that he had no been in it wholeheartedly- he would face his death knowing it would probably not do a whole lot of a good but he had done it for the 'right' reasons.
Strange, then, how he didn't think that way so much anymore. There was no doubt in his mind that Potter was a pathetic excuse for a hero. But... there was something more than a promise to a woman fourteen years dead that kept his face turned to the light.
A knock at the door turned his attention away from introspection and toward the two people he could sense behind the door. "Enter," he called, keeping his voice low and sinister.
Hermione entered first, Harry trailing in behind her. He looked stiffly angry, as if Hermione had just given him a good batch of warnings he had no intention of following
"Shut the door behind you, Potter." When the boy turned to do as he was told, Hermione gave him a look that said behave. He smirked.
When he turned back into the room, Snape had moved into the light and was pointing silently at the chair opposite his desk that Hermione was not occupying. Harry sat down and so did Snape, his cold black eyes fixed unblinkingly upon Harry, dislike etched in every line of his face.
"Well, Potter, you know why you are here," he said. "The Headmaster has asked me- and Miss Granger- to teach you Occlumency. I can only hope that you prove more adept at it than at Potions."
"Right," said Harry tersely.
"This may not be an ordinary class, Potter," said Snape, his eyes narrowed malevolently, "but I am still your teacher and you will therefore call me 'sir' or 'professor' at all times."
"Yes… sir," said Harry.
Snape continued to survey him through narrowed eyes for a moment, then said, "Now, Occlumency. As I told you back in your dear godfather's kitchen, this branch of magic seals the mind against magical intrusion and influence."
"And why does Professor Dumbledore think I need it, sir?" said Harry, looking directly into Snape's eyes and wondering whether Snape would answer.
Snape looked back at him for a moment and then said contemptuously, "Surely even you could have worked that out by now, Potter? The Dark Lord is highly skilled at Legilimency -"
Hermione interrupted before Harry could ask his question. "That's the ability to extract feelings and memories from another person's mind, Harry."
"He can read minds?" said Harry quickly, his worst fears confirmed.
"You have no subtlety, Potter," said Snape, his dark eyes glittering. "You do not understand fine distinctions. It is one of the shortcomings that makes you such a lamentable potion-maker. And if I require your aid, Miss Granger, I will ask for it."
Snape paused for a moment, apparently to savor the pleasure of insulting Harry, before continuing. "Only Muggles talk of 'mind-reading'. The mind is not a book, to be opened at will and examined at leisure. Thoughts are not etched on the inside of skulls, to be perused by any invader. The mind is a complex and many-layered thing, Potter - or at least, most minds are." He smirked. "It is true, however, that those who have mastered Legilimency are able, under certain conditions, to delve into the minds of their victims and to interpret their findings correctly. The Dark Lord, for instance, almost always knows when somebody is lying to him. Only those skilled at Occlumency are able to shut down those feelings and memories that contradict the lie, and so can utter falsehoods in his presence without detection."
"So he could know what we're thinking right now? Sir?" He seemed agitated, glancing at Hermione and the door. Hermione sighed, but allowed Severus to continue to speak.
"The Dark Lord is at a considerable distance and the walls and grounds of Hogwarts are guarded by many ancient spells and charms to ensure the bodily and mental safety of those who dwell within them," said Snape. "Time and space matter in magic, Potter. Eye contact is often essential to Legilimency."
"Well then, why do I have to learn Occlumency?" He sounded petulant, like a child who didn't want to go to school.
Snape eyed Harry, tracing his mouth with one long, thin finger as he did so. "The usual rules do not seem to apply with you, Potter. The curse that failed to kill you seems to have forged some kind of connection between you and the Dark Lord. The evidence suggests that at times, when your mind is most relaxed and vulnerable - when you are asleep, for instance - you are sharing the Dark Lord's thoughts and emotions. The Headmaster thinks it inadvisable for this to continue. He wishes me to teach you how to close your mind to the Dark Lord."
"But why does Professor Dumbledore want to stop it?" he asked abruptly. "I don't like it much, but it's been useful, hasn't it? I mean… I saw that snake attack Mr. Weasley and if I hadn't, Professor Dumbledore wouldn't have been able to save him, would he? Sir?"
No, you idiot. We have people watching there. And Professor Dumbledore didn't save him, my antivenin did. All the old goat did was berate Hermione for going above and beyond and leaving your sorry arse alone for one moment.
Snape stared at Harry for a few moments, still tracing his mouth with his finger. He moved his eyes to Hermione, and swallowed hard. Her eyes were fixed upon his mouth. He quickly lowered his hand, and she looked away guiltily. He filed that away to consider later.
When he spoke again, it was slowly and deliberately, as though he weighed every word. "It appears that the Dark Lord has been unaware of the connection between you and himself until very recently. Up till now it seems that you have been experiencing his emotions, and sharing his thoughts, without his being any the wiser. However, the vision you had shortly before Christmas-"
"The one with the snake and Mr. Weasley?" Impertinent boy.
"Do not interrupt me, Potter," said Snape in a dangerous voice. "As I was saying, the vision you had shortly before Christmas represented such a powerful incursion upon the Dark Lord's thoughts -"
"I saw inside the snake's head, not his!" So that means Dumbledore was right about the snake. Damn it.
"I thought I just told you not to interrupt me, Potter?" he asked dangerously.
Hermione laid a hand on Harry's arm. "Stop it," she hissed.
But Harry did not care if Snape was angry; at last he seemed to be getting to the bottom of this business; he had moved forwards in his chair so that, without realizing it, he was perched on the very edge, tense as though poised for flight. "How come I saw through the snakes eyes if it's Voldemort's thoughts I'm sharing?"
The familiar tremor ran through his left arm, sparking painfully."Do not say the Dark Lord's name!" spat Snape.
There was a nasty silence. They glared at each other across the Pensieve. Hermione was biting her lip, looking between the two warily. She seemed to realize it was a power struggle between man and boy, and that it was not her place to get involved. Nonetheless, she looked torn at the very least.
"Professor Dumbledore says his name," said Harry quietly.
"Dumbledore is an extremely powerful wizard," Snape muttered. "While he may feel secure enough to use the name… the rest of us…" He looked down to realize he was rubbing his left arm, where the Dark Mark was burned into his skin.
"I just wanted to know," Harry began again, forcing his voice back to politeness, "why -"
"You seem to have visited the snake's mind because that was where the Dark Lord was at that particular moment," snarled Snape. "He was possessing the snake at the time and so you dreamed you were inside it, too." Obvious. I'm sure Hermione worked it out before Christmas.
"And Vol— he - realized I was there?"
"It seems so," said Snape coolly.
"How do you know?" said Harry urgently. "Is this just Professor Dumbledore guessing, or -?"
"I told you," said Snape, rigid in his chair, his eyes slits, "to call me 'sir'." He must learn discipline and respect. There will come a time where he will face the Dark Lord and insolence will not be tolerated. And it is... remarkably satisfying to hear James Potter's voice addressing me as 'sir.'
"Yes, sir," said Harry impatiently, "but how do you know -?"
"It is enough that we know," said Snape repressively. "The important point is that the Dark Lord is now aware that you are gaining access to his thoughts and feelings. He has also deduced that the process is likely to work in reverse; that is to say, he has realized that he might be able to access your thoughts and feelings in return -"
"And he might try and make me do things?" asked Harry. "Sir?" he added hurriedly.
"He might," said Snape, sounding cold and unconcerned. "Which brings us back to Occlumency."
Snape pulled out his wand from an inside pocket of his robes and Harry tensed in his chair, but he merely raised the wand to his temple and placed its tip into the roots of his hair. He thinks I would curse him here, in front of Hermione? When he withdrew it, some silvery substance came away, stretching from temple to wand like a thick gossamer strand, which broke as he pulled the wand away from it and fell gracefully into the Pensieve, where it swirled silvery-white, neither gas nor liquid. Twice more, Snape raised the wand to his temple and deposited the silvery substance into the stone basin, then, without offering any explanation of his behavior, he picked up the Pensieve carefully, removed it to a shelf out of their way and returned to face Harry with his wand held at the ready.
He had taken his memories of the day of his Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L., his memory of going to Dumbledore, and his memories of kissing Hermione. He felt empty. His brain gnawed at the missing spots, worrying at the black space where knoweldge should have been.
"Stand up and take out your wand, Potter. Miss Granger, you as well. We will demonstrate first, so Potter can see what it looks like, and then it will be his turn."
Hermione nodded, standing and taking out her wand. Harry got to his feet, looking very nervous. He and Hermione faced each other with the desk between them.
"You may use your wand to attempt to disarm me, or defend yourself in any other way you can think of when you face me, Potter" said Severus. "Miss Granger will use physical repulsion first, and then mental alone."
"And what are you going to do to her?" Harry asked, eyeing Snape's wand apprehensively.
"I am about to attempt to break into her, and then your, mind," said Snape softly. "We are going to see how well you resist. I have been told that you have already shown aptitude at resisting the Imperius Curse. You will find that similar powers are needed for this… brace yourself, Miss Granger. Legilimens!"
He met Hermione's eyes, speaking the spell aloud for Harry's benefit. In his anger- because just being around Potter made his blood seethe- he struck harder than he usually did. There were three main ways to attack with Legilimency. The first was the one that the Dark Lord preferred- through eye contact, in relatively close quarters with enough force to make the nose bleed. That used bludgeoning power, pushing through all walls without bothering to be sneaky about it. The second was the one Severus usually used as a spy. That was stealth, slipping into someone's mind through long or short distance eye contact. This was used when there were little or no barriers, when just the surface thoughts needed to be read. Even most who studied Occlumency didn't keep their shields up at all times- it was too draining. It had taken Hermione a long time to have the reserves to keep her shields up and carry on conversations and spell work at the same time. It was second nature to Severus before. If one had a layer of false or previously arranged memories over their walls, it would fool all but the most experienced Legilimens. The last kind of Legilimency attack was a combination of the two- the spoken spell for more strength and the penetrating power of eye contact to immediately attempt to breach defenses.
Severus used the last on Hermione. He had used more power that he was used to- than she was used to as well. It forced her eyes open, forced her to maintain eye contact with him. He was inside her mind, he was seeing the surface memories and then he was boring deeper, he slipped around a corner and through a crack and then he was in her body and looking at his face as she watched him speak and trace his lips with a finger, he could feel her arousal and another emotion- something stronger and gentler than want, something he couldn't-
Pain. She had used her wand to push his desk back far enough to push him as well, knock him off balance enough that he was the one to break the eye contact.
He rubbed his temple and sent his desk back to its previous position with a wave of his hand. Hermione was bent over, holding her head. She coughed weakly, and fear caught him and held him for a moment before he forced his Professor persona over his emotions.
"Straighten up, Miss Granger," he said. He left the safety of the desk, going around to check her. She did as he ordered, keeping a hand over her eyes and her head down. Carefully he lifted her chin, stroking her cheek on he side Potter couldn't see. She opened her eyes- they were bloodshot, but nothing too awful. He sighed and released her.
"You haven't been keeping up with your shields," he chastised. "But good work with the desk. Take a seat and rest while I try Potter."
He returned to behind the desk. "Did you see what she did?"
Potter nodded. "Yes, sir. She threw the desk at you."
"Don't do the same thing," Severus warned him, smirking. "Be original. Brace yourself, now. Legilimens!" He used far less power than he had used on Hermione, but it was still enough.
Severus could see a small boy with dark hair watching a fatter child ride a red bicycle, his heart filling up with envy. The same boy struggling to climb a tree while a vicious dog barked up at him while adults laughed. Then the familiar darkness of the Sorting Hat that was whispering Slytherin. A small body with it's face covered in fur that he recognized as Hermione with a jolt. A pretty Chinese girl coming close with lips puckered-
"No," said a voice inside Harry's head, as the memory of Cho drew nearer, "you're not watching that, you're not watching it, it's private –"
Pain, again. A welt rising on his hand. Severus could have continued the assault, but reluctantly decided to stop. Potter would need to rest. He released Potter's mind, allowing the boy to fall to the ground, falling into Severus' desk as he did so.
"Did you mean to produce a Stinging Hex?" asked Snape coolly.
"No," said Harry bitterly, getting up from the floor.
"I thought not," said Snape, watching him closely. "You let me get in too far. You lost control."
"Did you see everything I saw?" Harry asked, unsure whether he wanted to hear the answer.
"Flashes of it," said Snape, his lip curling. "To whom did the dog belong?" He hadn't liked the image that he had seen, of adults laughing and drinking wine while a dog chased a helpless boy up a tree.
"My Aunt Marge," Harry muttered, throwing Snape a baleful glare.
"Well, for a first attempt that was not as poor as it might have been," said Snape, raising his wand once more. "You managed to stop me eventually, though you wasted time and energy shouting. You must remain focused. Repel me with your brain and you will not need to resort to your wand. Again, Miss Granger will demonstrate."
Hermione stood shakily. "Yes, sir," she said, voice quiet. "If you don't mind-" she gestured to Harry.
"Go ahead," he said, crossing his arms. He drummed his fingers against the muscle of his arm. "Quickly."
Hermione's serious brown eyes were turned to Harry's angry green ones. "The most important thing is to be calm," she said quickly. "Clear your mind of all emotion, like we were trying to do last night with the meditation. You want to be in complete control of your mindspace. Later we'll try to build walls or a mind palace, some kind of structure to keep memories in and people out. But right now I'm going to do breathing exercises to calm my mind and direct him to thoughts I want him to see if he gets in." Hermione rattled off in a breath.
As soon as she was finished she closed her eyes. In the quiet of the room, both males could hear her breathing slow. When Hermione opened her eyes, they were not quite dreamy but not quite clear either. "Whenever you are ready, Professor," she said.
Again he met her eyes and pressed with his magic. She didn't struggle for long. They both knew she could hold him off if she needed to, but she let him press for a moment before opening her mind. From there he was battered from memory to memory, trivial things. Transfiguration class, interest mixed with slight boredom from having already learned the lesson. Walking to the greenhouses, enjoying the light rain. Braiding her hair, waking up in the bright red cocoon of a Gyrffindor four poster.
He disengaged himself, surprised to find how fascinating he found the unimportant things of her life. He hadn't know that she didn't curse the rain like most of the other walkers did, or that she disliked the brightness of the red, preferring a wine color to the carnation.
"Well done, Miss Granger," he said, twirling his wand in his hand. "You need to work on the transitions, but otherwise I would have been fooled into thinking you were an exceptionally boring student." He turned to Harry. "Your turn, Mr. Potter."
Harry had been given time to seethe. After Hermione's quick lesson, it was clear he had been trying to immitate her breathing pattern.
"Now, I want you to close your eyes," Severus said malevolently.
Harry threw him a filthy look before doing as he was told. He clearly did not like the idea of standing there with his eyes shut while Snape faced him, carrying a wand.
"Clear your mind, Potter," said Snape's cold voice. "Let go of all emotion…"
He looked for the signs that normally accompanied calming. But the cords of Harry's neck remained tight, his shoulders suspiciously held. There was still the flush of red on the sides of the boy's neck and at the tips of his eras. Severus looked at Hermione, who shook her head. She knew Potter much better than he did and she could tell that he wasn't obeying.
"You're not doing it, Potter… you will need more discipline than this… focus, now…" Grudgingly he tried to make his voice more encouraging, but it didn't work. He sighed. "Let's go again… on the count of three… one - two - three -Legilimens!"
He was on a broomstick as Potter dodging fire and black scales. James Potter and Lily Evans were waving at him from a mirror and he felt the longing half as intensely as Potter did. And then- Hermione's face, broken in pain sprawled in the grass-
Harry was on his knees again, his face buried in his hands,. Hermione knelt next to him, worry furrowing her brow.
"Get up!" said Snape sharply, the sting of seeing her, Hermione there in so much pain in the boy's memories. "Get up! You are not trying, you are making no effort. You are allowing me access to memories you fear, handing me weapons!"
"I - am - making - an - effort," Harry said through clenched teeth.
"I told you to empty yourself of emotion!" He fought the urge to bang his hand on the desk.
"Yeah? Well, I'm finding that hard at the moment," Harry snarled.
"Then you will find yourself easy prey for the Dark Lord!" said Snape savagely. "Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories and allow themselves to be provoked so easily - weak people, in other words - they stand no chance against his powers! He will penetrate your mind with absurd ease, Potter!"
Hermione stood. "Harry is not weak," she said heatedly. "He just needs practice. Give him a chance! I was rubbish at it when I started too."
"What did I say about calling me 'sir' or 'professor?'" hissed Severus.
It registered with Hermione, and her gaze turned frosty. "My apologies, sir"
"I'll do as I wish," he said angrily. "Potter, your loyal follower puts great faith in you. Prove her right! Master yourself!" spat Snape. "Control your anger, discipline your mind! We shall try again! Get ready, now! Legilimens!"
The fat man with the walrus mustache was hammering away at a door. Fear slithered across his spine as a hundred Dementors drifted across the lake toward them. And then- he was running along a windowless passage with Mr. Weasley… they were drawing nearer to the plain black door at the end of the corridor… Harry expected to go through it… but Mr. Weasley led him off to the left, down a flight of stone steps…
"I KNOW! I KNOW!"
The loud sound broke Severus' concentration, allowing Harry to break away and fall again. Predictably, Hermione was at his side in a moment.
"What happened then, Potter?" he asked, eyeing Harry intently. That was the Department of Mysteries- yes. He was there this summer for his trial.
"I saw - I remembered," Harry panted. "I've just realized…"
"Realized what?" asked Snape sharply.
The boy was silent, still trying to fit the pieces together as Hermione helped him stand. He looked up at Snape. "What's in the Department of Mysteries?" he asked bluntly.
"What did you say?" So now he knows.
"I said, what's in the Department of Mysteries, sir?" Harry said.
"And why," said Snape slowly, "would you ask such a thing?" He didn't look at Hermione, although he had the urge.
"Because" said Harry, watching Snape's face closely, "that corridor I've just seen - I've been dreaming about it for months — I've just recognized it - it leads to the Department of Mysteries… and I think Voldemort wants something from —"
Another spasm of pain wracked Severus' arm."I have told you not to say the Dark Lord's name!"
They glared at each other. When he spoke again, Severus made sure to control his voice, to sound as cool and collected as possible under the cirmcumstances."There are many things in the Department of Mysteries, Potter, few of which you would understand and none of which concern you. Do I make myself plain?"
"Yes," Harry said, still rubbing his prickling scar, which was becoming more painful.
"I want you back here same time on Wednesday. We will continue work then." Enough was enough for one night.
"Fine," said Harry. He looked as if he was itching to get out of Severus' office, to go find the redheaded wonder and rant about the session with him.
"You are to rid your mind of all emotion every night before sleep; empty it, make it blank and calm, you understand? I believe Miss Granger already worked on this with you, but continue to do so. Miss Granger, you will instruct him at nights to make sure his mind is as secure as possible before he falls asleep"
"Yes, sir" said Harry, who was barely listening.
Hermione waited a moment, looking him square in the eye. She was angry. "Yes, sir," she snapped.
"And be warned, Potter… I shall know if you have not practiced." With that, he gestured to the door, ordering it to open wordlessly. "Go. Miss Granger, a word."
Harry shot a questioning glance at Hermione, reluctant to leave her alone with Snape, but left anyway. Snape flicked his hand at the door, slamming it shut.
"The Dark Lord breaks into Azkaban tonight," he said in a low voice. It wasn't necessary- Severus had more than sufficient wards on his office- but it made him feel better to use common sense.
Hermione crossed her arms, leaning against his desk. "Did you already alert Kingsley, or did you want me to do it on my go around, sir?" The stress on the word was unmistakeable, making him wince.
"You do it," he told her. "That way he has more time to prepare." He drummed his fingers on his desk. "Are you alright? You seem unsettled by my instance on proper respect in front of Potter, but you know it doesn't apply here, in private. Did I press you too hard earlier?"
Surprise registered on her features. "No, I'm fine," she said slowly. "It's a bit silly to be upset. And it was just more than I was expecting for a demonstration, Severus." She smiled tentatively at him when she used his name.
He let out the breath of apprehension he had been holding. "I saw perhaps more than you intended me too."
It was rare for Hermione to redden, but a tinge of blush appeared in her cheeks as she glanced up at his mouth and looked away. "It's okay. As long as it doesn't make things- well, as long as it's okay for you."
There was a question niggling at him, and it escaped before he could reign himself in. Severus was finding that his self control was perilously thin when it came to Hermione and he wasn't quite sure if he disliked it as much as he should have. "What about it was so... thrilling?"
She blushed more. "Um... you have nice fingers. And lips. Didn't you see all that in my head?"
"Yes and no," Severus said, pushing down the happy feeling that rose suddenly. "I got only the emotion, not the cause. I was... curious."
There was a scowl on her face, but it was not an angry one. "Yeah. Well. It's distracting, you know?"
She was so discomfited that he had to smile at her. It felt so natural to express his happiness with her in this uncharacteristic way that he immediately stopped. "I suppose. You may go."
"Alright," she said, sounding happier. The scowl was gone. "Let me know through the watch when everything happens?"
He nodded. "Of course. Goodnight, Hermione."
There was a special tenderness in her returning smile, even over her shoulder as she laid a hand on the handle of the door (where they had been the first time they had kissed that wonderfully confusing kiss). "Goodnight, Severus."
Hermione was sorting reports in the privacy of her private bedchamber when the watch she wore burned hot.
Come now. Slightly injured.
It was ridiculous the way her heart jumped to her throat and choked her. Slightly. Only slightly injured. The question was if he was in his rooms or outside. Quickly, she pressed her wand to her own watch.
Where are you?
The answering burn came when she was in the halls.
Rooms.
Good. If he had been able to make it to his rooms, it meant that slightly really did mean slightly, not an understatement on Severus' part. The corridors of Hogwarts were quiet, the cold emanating from the stone walls and floors combating the feeble heat of the braziers and torches that were burning low. The dungeon was even colder, Hermione's breath visible in the air as she loped through the halls.
His office opened to her touch- he had keyed her into the wards after an embarrassing incident involving panties and gillyweed- and gave her entrance to his false chambers.
The day before had been terribly strange, sitting with him in his office being talked to as if she was a child as impudent or disrespectful as Harry. Having him attack her mind had been strange as well, reminding her of their lessons in Safe House Three. And finally- that last talk, his eyes burning into hers as he questioned her about what he had seen in her mind, her hopeless fixation on his mouth and hands together and the way his finger traced his mouth. He had been pleased that she had found it arousing- bastard, constantly telling her that they had to remain neutral for now, refuse to give into whatever attraction was growing and pulsating between them, and then asking her about something they both should have just tried to forget about.
Maybe given time he'll give in, a treacherous voice whispered. No more "It's for our own safety, we need to be reasonable and keep the war in perspective," no, it'll be different.
She passed into Severus' real rooms, her trepidation growing when she heard a string of curses from bedroom. "Severus?" she called, walking toward the room. "I'm coming in."
He didn't reply immediately, but she could hear harsh breathing and she headed for the sound. "I'm in the bathroom," he said belatedly. "In- just turn on the light in there, you'll see it."
Hermione did as he had bid, noting the black Death Eater robes and white mask on the bed. Severus came into view as she carefully moved in the attaching bathroom. Severus was shirtless, his forearms were braced on the sink, with his back toward her. It wasn't nearly as bad as it had been over the summer- but the red welts were bleeding freely, without clotting, although it had clearly been at least two hours since they had been inflicted.
Severus was pale; it was clear that without the sink he would be wavering helplessly. "He was in a good mood," he wheezed, trying to straighten. Flutters of bruising on his torso told her that they would also be dealing with broken ribs or internal bleeding. Already she was tying her hair back, rolling up her sleeves.
"What happened?" she asked, swallowing hard. "I thought- if he's in a good mood, then why punish you?"
A sardonic grin came at her from behind strings of hair. He hadn't been able to properly rise. "The Dark Lord was in a good mood, so he humored dear Bella's request. She was concerned that I was still a traitor. She asked him to question me, begged him to use pain to insure she would not have to return to Azkaban as a result of my indiscretion or other master."
That makes sense, Hermione thought. "What do you need me to do?"
He jerked his chin at a slim bottle that was half full of a cleaning solution, similar to the one he had used on the cut on her own face when he was teaching her wandless magic. "I tried pouring it directly on my back but it's damn painful and I waste more than I use. Dab a good portion on the cloth there and apply it the open ones. He used something so that they don't stop fucking bleeding and I've already taken three Blood Replenishers. Anymore-"
"Wouldn't be good for your liver," Hermione finished. "Are you comfortable here or would you rather go lay on your bed?"
The look he gave her settled it. She sighed and began to work, keeping her face impassive as he flinched. If Severus was unable to keep his own features still, it had to be more painful than the sting she had felt when he had given her the same treatment. "Antiseptic?" she asked.
"That and a clotting agent," Severus said through gritted teeth. "For healing and closing. But if you want to close the skin, you have to make triply sure that you aren't leaving any thing inside that could cause a nasty infection so- Ah! Damn it, woman, gently!"
The muscles of his back were tense, which caused him more pain as he stretched his other wounds. Hermione brought the hand that wasn't holding the cloth up to his shoulder. "Relax, Severus," she said gently. "Try to, at least." She rubbed the tense muscle where his neck met his back, kneading it with her thumb. "Would you prefer I knock you out and do it while you're unconscious?"
He glared at her reflection in the mirror. "No. Continue."
"Well then," she said, raising an eyebrow. "What were you saying about this stuff?" Hopefully that will distract him enough. Make him think about something else than the pain.
She worked and listened as he told her about the various properties of the solution, how he had made it, and why he had chosen different proportion of different herbs and why. It was all interesting material, and the way that he could
She worked and listened as he told her about the various properties of the solution, how he had made it, and why he had chosen different proportion of different herbs and why. It was all interesting material, and the way that he could rattle it off to her while in pain was impressive (and... cute, if such a word could ever be applied to Severus).
It was difficult to work on his back without admiring it. Severus was lanky, but he was not without muscles, powerful ones that bunched under his skin as he tensed in response to her actions. His waist was trim, he was far too thin. His arms though, they were strong. Strong enough to have carried her on several occasions. His skin was a bit jaundiced in the places it wasn't rent and bleeding.
He ran out of steam about the time that she finished. "Done," she said. "What now?"
"Bind my ribs," he instructed. "Well- heal the bruises as much as possible and then bind them. They grow resistant to magicking after years of it. The binding will do now, so that if I have to heal them in an emergency the spells will work better."
A quick tap of her wand on the purplish areas shrunk the bruises down. "Do you have bandages somewhere?"
"In the cupboard behind the mirror," answered Severus. He looked at himself in the mirror and winced. "I'm a mess."
"You were more of a sight over the summer," Hermione said, unable to help the small smile that came from Severus' vanity. The roll of bandages were right where he had said they would be- clean and white. Unused.
He snorted, but lifted his arms for her anyway. Carefully she began winding the fabric around his chest. The flat pink nipples disappeared first, then the outline of his visible ribs. Sweat had cooled on his skin, and he smelled like blood and rust and pain and under all of that like Severus. She could pass under his arms when he held them straight out without ducking, he was that much taller than her.
Which is why he picked me up the first time we kissed. If my neck was hurting his was too. And he was strong enough to lift me. Why is it that I'm finding everything he does incredibly... sexy? Focus. On... how he was acting during the Occlumency lesson. Not all of that was acting. He hates Harry.
With that in mind she tied the bandages off perhaps a bit tighter than she normally would have. Severus grunted, then lowered his arms slowly. She stepped away from his warmth. "Are you going to bathe?" she asked. "You need to clean up."
He glanced at the clock. "Tomorrow morning," he decided. "I'd fall asleep and drown in the water."
Hermione leaned against the wall and door, yawning. "I know the feeling," she said. "I have twice the time in a day most people have and I still don't get half as much sleep as I should." It was true- frequently she was up past two or three in the morning sorting through reports and writing others, and rising at six to work before going to class.
Grey eyes regarded her with concern. "You aren't sleeping?" He was asking, indirectly, if the nightmares were still a problem.
"I don't have the time to sleep," she answered, yawning again. "What happened tonight? I'll write up the report and give it to the Headmaster. You need to sleep if I don't want you beheading Neville tomorrow."
He scowled at her, stalking toward her. The door was at her back- she sighed and opened it, letting him through and then following him.
"He had me at his side as the raid happened," Severus told her.
Hermione sat on his bed, toeing off her shoes and pulling her knees up to her chest. "And Lucius Malfoy orchestrated it?"
"Yes. The raid went nearly as planned. The Aurors showed up but retreated when they saw that the Death Eaters were using Killing Curses. The Dementors let them in, the cells were blown apart, the prisoners taken away on brooms." The usual silky drawl of Severus' voice was harsher, either by pain or by weariness Hermione didn't know. "They were revived and healed and given choice positions at the Dark Lord's side. He rewarded them most generously."
Hermione closed her eyes, rubbing the side of her head. "And all Bellatrix Lestrange wanted was..."
"My torture," Severus said dryly. "Other than that... an uneventful meeting. So shoo. I need to sleep and you are in my bed."
Yes, I am, Hermione thought. Shame it's only platonic. She smiled and did as he had told her. "Goodnight, Severus."
"Be prepared for the paper tomorrow," he said sternly, collapsing onto his bed now that she wasn't in the way. "Goodnight."
And so ends Chapter Twenty-Six.
As far as the next chapter goes... I don't know yet. This is what I'm thinking: If I finish Chapter Thirty within the next two weeks, I'll update on March 21. If not, then the 28th for sure. I think I'll be going chapter by chapter from here on out. If you follow me on tumblr, I'll be posting when I'll update. Also, following this story alone will give you an email when the next chapter is out.
Chapter Twenty-Nine is a doozy. More than 11,000 words and more than 20 pages. That's nearly twice the length of this chapter. (SPOILER it's the chapter that leads into the Ministry)
PERSONAL STUFF:
The scholarship competition went really well. I'm in love with the school, it's amazing and I'm still in shock. However, I was trapped in the Charlotte airport for seven hours and then on a bus to Virginia for another four so I got there at 1:30 in the morning when I should have gotten there at 2:00 in the afternoon. I missed some things, but nothing super important. My interviews went really well ( thanks for the good luck wishes) and hopefully I get it. This scholarship is worth more than a quarter of a million dollars (the cost of higher education in America is appalling).
Also, I got inspired and am in the midst of writing a SS/HG oneshot. It's fluff, because I'm not at that point in this story and it's frustrating me because all I want to do is write SS/HG fluff. Look for that within the next week or so. :)
Excerpt:
"Don't go," he ordered, reaching out to grasp her shoulders.
Her nostrils flared and her eyebrows rose. "Oh?"
He frowned. "What do you mean, oh?"
I hope the new update schedule won't mean a drop in reviews. Hearing all your comments is so lovely! And encouraging. And I get so many ideas that inspire me to write.
See you in a few weeks!