"Brr~!" Mouse shivered as he blew into his hands in a poor attempt to keep himself warm. The jacket he had on wasn't enough to keep his body heat in but he didn't have many other options. He was just glad that he had a roof over his head and a small— but warm— bed to sleep on each night. Even if his current place of residence was far from ideal. It was pretty much a shoebox— tiny, dirty and smelly— but it was his.
For now at least.
His until whatever small amount of money he had left ran out and he was kicked out onto the streets….again. But no one ever said readjusting to the civilian's life would be easy. He just counted himself fortunate that he was able to get clean and survive another day. So if he had to do some less than straight and narrow work for his survival, he had no qualms about doing that.
His ability to keep his eyes and ears open while living on the streets had been useful. So had living up to his nickname and scrounge around for information without catching too much attention also helped. Maybe it wasn't what he thought he'd be doing when he came home from Afghanistan but life was never what one expected it to be.
He kept his jacket on as he rummaged through his shelves, trying to find the can of soup he had stashed away a couple of weeks ago. It wasn't much but it'd have to do to keep his stomach full for the day. He was hoping that the latest tip that he had gotten would come through and his cash flow would resume. He really didn't want to go to a food shelter again and have to endure the pitying eyes of strangers that see him and see nothing but an ex-military and PTSD.
That was one of many reasons why so many ex-soldiers didn't want to ask for help. The knowing looks and pitying eyes that came along with that help was not worth it. No matter how much a guy could use the help. Mouse didn't consider himself to be in that category yet. He was fine— standing on his own and living to see another day. And he knew that if he truly needed help, there was always one person he could reach out to.
Speaking of whom.
"Halsted!" he answered his phone cheerfully after seeing Jay's name flashed across the screen. "Is this a booty call?" He chuckled loudly, always loving to get a rise out of Jay, as he waited to hear why Jay was calling. "Yeah, tell me where and when."
"Brr!" he exclaimed loudly again as he entered Jay's waiting car. "Man, it's cold!" Mouse complained, rubbing his hand together. "What's up, Halstead?"
"Hey," his friend replied back from the front seat. There was a man that he had never met before beside Halstead.
"Who's your friend?"
"Ruzek," the blond guy introduced himself, giving him a tip of his head.
"Ruzek, Mouse," Jay chimed in, completing the introduction. Mouse just greeted the new guy back, his eyes more on the fries that they were eating than anything. The greasy smell was heavenly and he couldn't stop himself from reaching out and grabbing a few.
"Have some fries," Ruzek offered, pushing the bag to his side more.
"Hey, listen," Jay started. "Can you tell me anything about this construction-site robbery in Harvey?"
"I might be tapped in on that, "Mouse replied vaguely. As much as he trusted Jay back overseas and counted him as a friend, they were clearly on different life paths now. They were on opposite sides of the law so Mouse knew he had to tread lightly. Besides, he wasn't dumb. Jay wanted information and Mouse needed money. There was no reason why this meeting couldn't benefit them both. "It's my ears, man. They get so waxy these days," Mouse hinted.
"Oh, yeah. So waxy these days," Jay commented to Ruzek as he pulled out a couple of bills from his pocket and held them up.
"Yeah! Ding-ding," Mouse exclaimed, happily grabbing the cash. "THere's lots of talk," Mouse began divulging what he knew. "There's this new player in town. He's looking for some bangers. I'm kind of serving as a consultant."
"Can you get us a meeting?" Jay asked. "Tell him we're offering blasting caps and det cord."
Mouse narrowed his brows, remembering that he was told to keep his ears open for just those things. Suddenly, he was apprehensive about being involved in whatever police business Jay had. "What, straight up?"
"Yeah, straight up," Jay replied, shrugging his shoulders. "All you're doing is organizing a meet."
"All right. Drive towards Eerie and Sedgwick," Mouse instructed, pulling out his phone. "I'll set it up."
They arrived at the sketchy looking apartment building ten minutes later. Mouse wasn't entirely sure it was a good idea but he wanted to help Jay out.
"How well do you know these guys, Mouse?" Jay asked after they entered the apartment, waiting.
Mouse shrugged. "I don't know. How well does anybody know anybody, you know?"
"That's not that helpful," Ruzek replied just as Charlie started walking out.
"What do we got?" Charlie asked, coming closer. Mouse kept his hands in his pockets, letting Jay take the lead. He was just there to set up the meeting. As Charlie arrived in front of them, Mouse noticed Jay tensing and from where he was standing, he could see Jay's face filled with surprise at seeing Charlie, even if he was trying to keep it to himself.
"You're looking for some stuff I can get for you," Jay spoke, acting casually.
Charlie hitched his brows. "Stuff? Like what exactly?"
"Blasting caps, det cord."
"Why would I need something like that?" Charlie shot back.
Jay shrugged, trying to keep his posture relaxed. "Hey, what you do with it is your business, right?"
Charlie didn't say anything right away, just opting to stare Jay down. Mouse exchanged a look with Ruzek, both of them out of the loops with what was going on between the other two men.
"Really, detective?" Charlie finally spoke. Mouse's eyes widened at the fact that his cover was blown.
"Detective?" Mouse finally chimed in, trying to keep his cover intact. "What are you talking about, Charlie?"
"Shut up, Mouse," Charlie pretty much waved him off as he turned his attention back to Jay. "We met at the station with Erin Lindsay, or did you forget?"
Jay tensed even more at the mention of the woman's name and he stepped right up to Charlie, getting in his face. "No, I definitely wouldn't forget something like that," Jay bit out, his voice strained. "Is there anything you want to tell us, Charlie?"
Charlie smirked at Jay's reaction. "Nope. I'm super cool, man," he replied, holding up his hands. "Tell Erin I said hey, though," he added, still smirking. Jay's jaw twitched at the mention of this Erin again. "Back in the day, she was, mmm, something."
Mouse's brows rose at what Charlie was implying with his smarmy comment and he waited to see Jay's reaction. Jay was still tense and even though he was trying to keep cool like what Charlie said didn't affect him, Mouse noticed the way Jay's hands were clenched into fists by his side, like he was doing his best not to punch Charlie in the face. Mouse wouldn't be surprised if Jay did hit Charlie. Mouse knew of Jay's temper and wondered if he'd be able to keep his emotions under wraps.
Jay, to his credit, just chuckled coolly and began to leave before tossing one last look at Charlie over his shoulders. Mouse had no idea what was going on but he and Ruzek quickly followed Jay, who slammed the door and was walking out the building like it was on fire.
"What the hell was that?" Ruzek questioned as the two of them were trying to catch up to Jay.
"Just like he said, I met him with Lindsay," Jay barked, anger clouding his voice.
"I'm so made, man," Mouse added, knowing that his cover was blown and he was pretty much screwed.
"Relax, Mouse. I got you on this," Jay assured him as they continued walking. Jay brushed off whatever else Ruzek said as he quickly headed back to the car. Mouse just hoped that Jay was right and that he did have his back on this.
"Sorry about what happened earlier," Jay apologized as Mouse had barely gotten into Jay's car. "I didn't mean to get your cover blown."
"It's fine," Mouse replied. "Did everything work out?"
"We're wrapping things up," Jay replied vaguely. "Anyway, I managed to get you a payment for setting up the meeting earlier," Jay said, handing him an envelope of cash.
"Whoo!" Mouse cheered, stashing the cash in his jacket. He'd have enough to get him by for a few weeks now.
"Don't spend it all on one place," Jay said, trying to tease him like usual but Mouse could tell his heart wasn't in it. Jay looked troubled like there was something heavy on his mind.
"You okay?"
Jay nodded, waving Mouse's concern off. "Yeah. Fine," he replied, sounding the opposite of fine. "Listen, we got Charlie but Radner is still out there so can you keep yourself safe until then?"
Mouse snorted. "Halstead, I've been keeping myself safe for years now." Guilt flashed across Jay's face. "I'll be fine," he reassured Jay. "Now what's up with you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Who's Erin Lindsay? And why did Charlie mentioning her name got you looking like you wanted to snap his neck?" Mouse asked, curiosity filling him at just who this Erin was to Jay.
"I….I didn't…" Jay stuttered and Mouse just shot him a look that pretty much said Mouse knew Jay and it was useless for Jay to lie to him. "She's my partner."
"Oh."
"What?" Jay asked, hearing the tone of Mouse's voice. "What was that 'oh'?"
Mouse shrugged, "nothing, I just thought by the way you reacted to Charlie, she's your girlfriend or something."
Jay frowned. "I kept my cool in there," Jay defended himself.
"Yeah sure," Mouse snorted. "Maybe to someone who doesn't know you like I do. I know you, Halstead. You wanted to skin the guy alive when he made that comment about your partner. Don't front."
Jay looked offended that he had been called out by Mouse. "Is it a crime to care about my partner now?" Jay snarked.
Mouse held his hand up in surrender. "Hey, no problem here," he replied, laughing at Jay's angry face quickly morphed into one of contrition at how he snapped at Mouse. "So how'd your partner get tangled up with Charlie of all people? I thought all you detectives were straight laced people."
Jay sighed, dropping his head. "She….it's complicated," Jay answered, sounding tired and worried. Jay's vague reply wasn't the only thing that had Mouse intrigued. He was more interested in the way Jay was acting at the mention of his partner and whatever she had gotten herself into.
"You care about her," Mouse concluded, putting the pieces from the day together.
Jay snapped his head up and rolled his eyes. "Of course I do. She's my partner."
"If you say so."
"Ugh," Jay groaned, clutching the steering wheel. "I swear too many stubborn people in my life," Jay muttered under his breath. "Whatever. You gonna be okay? You have somewhere to crash?"
"Yeah, I told you I'll be fine. I can take care of myself, Halstead."
That was apparently the wrong thing to say.
"I know you can," Jay exploded, slamming his hand on the steering wheel. Mouse was taken aback by his sudden outburst, his blue eyes widening in shock. "Why can't you understand that I'm here and I want to help? Why can't anyone understand that?"
Mouse understood then that this little outburst had nothing to do with him. It was Jay's frustration boiling over and he just happened to be the recipient of it.
"Sorry, man," Mouse whispered, wanting to calm Jay down first. That seemed to have worked as Jay deflated, realizing what he had done.
"No," Jay returned, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Mouse replied, patting Jay's back. "You want to talk about it?"
Jay looked like he was about to turn him down but sighed instead. "I just don't understand her sometimes," Jay began, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I know that she's independent but we're partners. She should know that I have her back, no matter what and that she can come to me with anything. Especially when she's in trouble. But she's so freaking stubborn."
Mouse listened quietly as Jay vented about his frustrations with Erin. Mouse wasn't entirely sure what was going on or what Erin had to do with the case with Charlie but whatever it was, it was big enough that Jay was seriously worried. Mouse knew Jay and knew that he was the type of guy that kept his problems to himself. So the fact that Jay lost control of his emotions meant that it troubled him enough to explode.
"You know what she tried to do earlier?" Jay continued on, not really waiting for a reply back. "She tried to take the rap for a murder charge," Jay scoffed, his fists clenching the wheel again so hard that his knuckles turned white. "She doesn't care about herself or what's going to happen to her if she tries to save her friend. It's like she doesn't realize how the people that cares about her are going to feel if she does go down for something she didn't do. Voight. Annie. Me. What am I supposed to do without her?"
Jay's face was an open book. Whatever that had happened with Erin was enough to get this normally guarded man vulnerable, his feelings put on display for the world to see.
"Maybe she was just trying to do what she thought was best," Mouse offered.
Jay scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, for everyone else but herself." Even though Jay seemed frustrated, Mouse heard the underlying tone of fondness in his voice, like Jay couldn't help himself from softening towards Erin.
"Sounds like someone I know," Mouse replied, giving Jay a knowing look. Mouse didn't know Erin and he had never met her before. Today was the first time he had heard of her name but it was obvious just how much Jay cared about her. And frankly, they sounded like they were a match made in heaven, if Jay's rant about Erin's tendency to sacrifice her well-being for someone else was any indication. Mouse couldn't count all the different times Jay took care of him or tried to help him out, even if Mouse didn't ask. Jay was literally the type that would offer the shirt off his back to help someone out.
"I….no…" Jay sputtered, looking offended. Mouse just hitched his brow in reply and stared at Jay. "Fine. Maybe we're both impulsive," Jay admitted.
"That's one way of putting it," Mouse snorted. "But seriously though. Everything okay?"
Jay nodded, pinching his nose bridge again. "Yeah," he replied, sounding tired but relieved. "Like I said, we just need to grab Radner and hopefully close the case and put everything behind us."
"Good. That's good." Mouse smiled at Jay.
"Sorry for unloading on you, man," Jay grimaced at his earlier outburst. "I guess I just needed to vent. It's been a long day."
Mouse nodded, squeezing Jay's shoulder. He was just glad that he could be there for Jay at his time of need. Jay was obviously scared about losing his partner even if he tried to hide it. But Mouse understood.
"No problem," Mouse smiled, opening the car door to leave. "If you ever need to unload again, you know how to find me."
Jay chuckled dryly. "Yeah, thanks, man." Mouse got out of Jay's car. "Hey," Jay called him, Mouse bending back down to look at Jay. "You know how to find me too….just in case."
Mouse nodded and closed the car door. It was Jay's speak for letting Mouse know that if Mouse needed his help, Jay would be there. Mouse would certainly keep that in mind.
"So Voight's a scary guy. And I thought Sergeant Major Parsons was a hard-ass," Mouse commented as he hooked up the monitor wire to the hard drive. His new office was small but cozy. It felt like a cave— befitting for a guy with a nickname like Mouse— but he liked it.
"Just stay on Voight's good side and you'll be fine," Jay advised, watching Mouse set up the equipment from behind the counter.
"Does he even have a good side?"
Jay frowned, thinking over the answer. "Probably. Not that I've seen it much myself."
Mouse laughed, remembering the way Voight had been tracking Jay's every move earlier and the almost hostile tone he had as he talked to Jay. "That's comforting." He sat down on his chair and swung around as he waited for the computer to boot up. "At least I'll be safer down here than up in that bullpen."
"Oh yeah. I'm jealous."
"Pffff, you're jealous of me? You're the one that gets to ride around with a hot partner," Mouse joked, laughing.
Jay stiffened at the mention of his partner and his face turned serious. "Yeah," he mumbled, pursing his lips together in a fake smile. Before Mouse could form a reply about the sudden turn in conversation, his partner entered his small office.
"Hey," Erin began, her eyes glancing briefly at Mouse before turning back to Jay. "We heard from Antonio. They're getting ready to move so we have to go," Erin said, immediately turning around and leaving.
Mouse watched from his seat as Jay's eyes remained on Erin even after she was long gone, like he couldn't tear his eyes away from her.
"Jay," Mouse called but no reply, Jay's attention was still on where Erin had been. "Halstead!"
"Yeah?" Jay finally snapped out of it. Mouse gestured to Jay that he needed to leave. "Right," Jay said, knocking on the counter with his fist. "Got to go, man."
"Good luck," Mouse called after him, shaking his head. He had no idea when Jay became so easy to read. "You're gonna need it," he muttered, chuckling to himself in the empty room.
"So you seeing anybody?" Mouse asked as he took a bottle of beer for himself and sat down. Jay had come back from finishing up the case and joined him in his office with a six pack. It had been under the guise of Jay welcoming Mouse to the team but Mouse knew better. The smile Jay gave him as he handed him the six pack looked more put on and fake than anything and the conversation they just had was more half-hearted on Jay's end. Plus the whole vague reply he gave when Mouse said Jay looked like he had the world by its tail.
Jay took a long sip of his beer, an indescribable look on his face. "I guess I was….for a minute," Jay finally replied, accompanied by a sad smile. Another long sip of beer had hidden the sadness briefly until Jay sat the beer bottle down on the counter and leaned back in his chair.
It didn't take a tech genius to know that Jay was obviously heartbroken at the moment and it didn't take being Jay's best friend to know just who had broken Jay's heart. Mouse had joined Intelligence for one day but the short time was enough to see that there was something going on between Jay and Erin. Or there had been, anyway. They weren't exactly discreet with their longing stares and lingering looks. And now Jay was trying to find refuge in Mouse's dingy officer for his heartbreak.
"I'm sorry, man." Mouse gave his best friend an understanding smile.
"Yeah, me too," Jay replied, letting out a heavy sigh.
Mouse tried to think of what else to say to lift Jay's spirit up but knew it was better to keep quiet and let Jay stew until he was ready to open up. It wouldn't do any good to pry into Jay's business. It was the quickest way to get Jay to shut down. So instead, Mouse focused on installing new RAM on the hard drive. The C.P.D really needed to upgrade their technology.
"Do you think it's crazy to give up your career for love?" Jay asked after a while. "If it's the right person, I mean. Isn't that worth giving everything up for?"
Mouse gently dropped the screwdriver on the table and turned to Jay. "Well, my career is one day old so I'm not sure if I'm the right guy to ask."
Jay chuckled. "I think it is. Especially when it feels right." Jay grabbed another beer and gulped down half of it. " But I guess it doesn't matter if the person doesn't feel the same." Jay showed a half-smile, dejected and sad.
Mouse felt bad for Jay and seeing how sad his friend was. So that had been the crux of whatever happened between Jay and Erin, not that Mouse was one to ask Jay straight out. But it seemed pretty obvious to Mouse anyway. The way Erin had partnered up with someone else other than Jay earlier, the almost pining way Jay had been looking at Erin throughout the day and now Jay sitting here, talking about love and careers.
"Maybe they're just not ready," Mouse threw out there. "Some people get scared of their own feelings, especially if what they're feeling is really strong."
"Maybe," Jay replied. "Maybe it's not about whether it's worth it or not. Maybe it's more about if it's the right time or not."
Mouse nodded. "You alright?" he asked, concerned.
"Yeah," Jay answered, showing him a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I'll be alright."
Mouse had eased into his new job quite easily. He was grateful towards Jay for getting him the position at Intelligence. It had given his life order and purpose and for the first time in a long time, he felt like his world was back on the right track.
Apparently, his life wasn't the only thing back on the right track. Jay's partnership with Erin seemed to be on the mend, also. A few weeks after the drinking session he and Jay had in his basement office, Jay seemed to be doing better and Mouse was able to see with his own eyes how Jay and Erin worked together. The pair seemed in sync with each other, finishing each other's thoughts as they threw out different theories for the cases. And Mouse had gotten to know Erin better too, rather than just seeing her as Jay's 'special someone' and partner.
Mouse liked Erin. She was strong but friendly. She didn't treat Mouse with kid's gloves nor was she weirded out by his strange habits and quirks. She didn't look at him like he was a freak of nature like some people tend to do and Mouse respected her intelligence and her strength. He felt better knowing that she had Jay's back out on the field.
But what didn't get better was Jay's relationship with Voight. Jay had told Mouse before that he and Voight tended to butt heads but Mouse didn't realize how often it happened until he became a part of Intelligence. The two constantly clashed, their ideas and morals different from each other, and Mouse felt bad for Erin, who was constantly caught in the middle. Mouse knew it'd have to come to blows one day, Jay's needling Voight's authority and Voight's dismissal of Jay's concerns.
And Mouse was always right.
The case involving Charles Gray and Voight's mysterious connection to his mother had everyone tensed and confused, especially after they had watched Jay and Voight go at each other. Mouse had remained quiet, thinking that his opinion wasn't appreciated at the time. He just kept his head down and did his job as Jay pushed the lines of Voight's authority like he was hellbent on finding Charles Gray, no matter what. So Mouse had given him the address of the warehouse where the tracker was last at, hoping that he didn't make a mistake by going against Voight.
A couple of hours later, he found Jay in the locker room, angry and heated, as he changed into a new shirt from his locker. Mouse walked in and sniffed the air.
"Why does it smell like smoke in here?" Mouse asked confused. Jay just shot him a glare before throwing his old shirt into his locker and slamming the door shut loudly. "What happened?"
Jay's jaw tensed and his hands balled into fists before one of them made contact with the locker. Jay hit the door a few times before leaning his head on the locker.
"You alright, man? What happened? Did the location not pan out?"
Jay exhaled. "No, it did. There were a couple of G.D kids there. Ruzek and Atwater are questioning them now."
"So why does it smell like smoke in here?"
Jay turned around so his back was leaning against the locker instead. His eyes went to the ceiling before closing. "That'd be my fault."
"What do you mean?"
Jay rubbed his face. "I made a bad call. I didn't listen to anyone and I almost got Erin killed today. Because of me, we were caught in a fire in that warehouse. We almost didn't make it out. I almost got everyone killed."
"Jay," Mouse whispered, understanding why Jay was beating himself up. "You didn't mean to."
"It doesn't matter," Jay refuted, dropping his face in his hands. "The only thing that does is that if Erin hadn't found the window, we would've been stuck in there and we would've burned to death. And it would've been my fault."
Mouse reached out and squeezed Jay's shoulder, not wanting to see Jay beat himself up so much. "But you guys did get out. Everyone's okay, right?"
Jay nodded. "Yeah. I tried talking Erin into getting herself checked out because of smoke inhalation but she won't go." He sighed, dropping himself down on the bench. "If something did happen to her because of me, I'd never forgive myself."
Mouse nodded as he sat down next to Jay. "But she's fine. Don't beat yourself up over it anymore." But Mouse's advice fell on deaf's ear as guilt still consumed Jay. "Have you talked to Erin?"
Jay shook his head. Mouse released a soft sigh. He knew that whatever that was going on between Voight and Jay, it had to do with Erin. It wasn't doing any of them any good to keep going at each other and the person that was getting hurt the most was Erin who was stuck between them two. Mouse felt for her, trying her best to keep peace between two headstrong males. He certainly didn't want to be in her position.
"You should talk to her. I'm sure she doesn't blame you about what happened but I'm sure she'd want to hear your explanation about what happened and why."
Jay lifted his head to look at Mouse and he just returned a knowing look back, letting Jay know that he understood the reason behind the tension between Jay and Voight. Jay obviously blamed Voight for his relationship ending with Erin and while Mouse didn't know if it was deserved or not, he knew it was still a good idea to have it out and put it behind them. Otherwise, someone would get caught in the crossfire and they might've been so lucky the next time.
"Yeah, you're right," Jay gave in. "I'll talk to her."
xxx
"...only way I'm here having this conversation with you is because of what he did."
"Maybe. I'd like to think I could handle it."
"I hear you. The kid matters to Voight so he matters to me. That's the gig. It's simple."
Mouse heard the tail end of the conversation as he was about to reach the break room. He just wanted to grab his leftover milkshake from lunch he had stashed away in the fridge earlier. He certainly wasn't expecting to run into Jay and Erin finally talking it out. Mouse debated on leaving and coming back later but they seemed to be at the end of their conversation so he just lingered by the door, hidden from the view.
"Erin, wait," he heard Jay say. Mouse could see them on the reflection from the open door and saw Jay pushed himself off from where he was leaning against the fridge to approach Erin.
"What?" Erin asked as Jay stood in front of her.
"I'm sorry about what happened," Jay apologized, his head dropping. "It was my fault and you could've been hurt."
Mouse heard Erin sighed softly. "I don't blame you, Jay."
"Yeah, I know but still….." Jay countered. "If….if something had happened to you...I.." Mouse could see Jay wanting to reach out to Erin, his hand half in the air but Jay stopped himself from touching her.
"I know," Erin interjected, taking a step closer to Jay until they were standing so close together. "I know you would never do anything to hurt me, Jay," Erin reassured him, her hand also lingering awkwardly in the air after stopping herself to reach out to Jay. Mouse felt for the two of them, clearly wanting to reach out to each other and touch each other but stopping themselves. He felt like he was watching the real life version of Romeo and Juliet, two star-crossed lovers kept apart by outside forces while they yearned for each other.
Rolling his eyes at himself for his dramatic comparison, he started to back away, wanting to give them the privacy they needed.
"There's no one in the world I trust to watch my back more than you, Jay," Mouse heard Erin say.
"Even now?" he heard Jay return.
"Even now."
Mouse smiled to himself as he walked away.
Maybe everything would be alright.
Except it wasn't.
A couple of months later, Mouse found himself in a similar situation back in his office. Only this time, Jay wasn't just sad. He was downright miserable and there was no second guessing what had broken his friend's heart.
"She'll be okay. She just needs some time to herself, you know?" Mouse articulated, wanting to cheer Jay up. "Maybe she just needs some distance from here."
Jay didn't reply and just shut his eyes.
Mouse felt helpless, not knowing what to say to lessen Jay's worry about Erin leaving Intelligence and going off the grid. Mouse knew that Jay had tried reaching out several times but Erin had been ignoring him. He just wished there was something more he could do than track Erin's phone after Jay desperately pleaded with him for help with tracking Erin down earlier. Mouse wasn't sure about the invasion of privacy but seeing the pure panic and fear on his friend's face at the possibility of Erin getting into danger had Mouse giving in. He just hoped that Erin would come back, if not for her sake's than Jay's, because he wasn't sure how long his friend could survive like this.
Jay was draining himself, working the cases by day and putting up a front that he was fine, while searching for Erin at night. Mouse constantly caught Jay looking at his phone for a text and a call that never came and the flash of fear on Jay's face whenever his phone did ring like it was someone calling to inform them that they had found Erin in a ditch somewhere. The constant see-saw between disappointment and unbridled fear had Jay looking ragged, the lines on his face more prominent and the bags under his eyes darker than Mouse had ever seen.
Seeing his friend in such a state had Mouse wanting to track Erin down himself and snap her out of her self-destruction. He wanted to shake her and make her realize what her leaving was doing to Jay. Perhaps it wasn't fair, seeing as Erin had lost someone very close to her and was so stricken by her own grief, but Mouse was protective of Jay.
"The three week's up tomorrow," Jay finally spoke. "Then her furlough's over and…." he waved his hand, shrugging.
"But it won't be too late."
"Ugh!" Jay grunted in frustration. "I just want to find her and talk to her. Maybe if I stand in front of her and look her in the eyes, I can get her to come back to me."
"As soon as she turns on her phone, I'll get her location and let you know," Mouse promised, hoping to lift Jay's mood. The poor guy was so devoted to Erin, it was hard to see Jay being tortured like this. Like the emotional torture he was going through was worse than actually being physically tortured for information.
"Thanks, man," Jay gave him a small smile, one that didn't reach his eyes. Then again, Jay's smiles hadn't reached his eyes for weeks now. Since Voight had stormed into the bullpen and announced that Erin had turned in her badge.
Mouse looked at the clock and saw that it was close to 2 in the morning. They wouldn't be going home tonight and Mouse just hoped that they would get a miracle and Erin would turn on her phone before tomorrow was over.
"Hey."
Mouse turned around and found Erin standing in his office, looking at him sheepishly. She looked a lot better than how she had looked earlier when she showed up and told them that she'd go in to rescue Jay. She was now dressed in a white shirt, a little less weighted down by the world, and the best part was how she was wearing her badge again.
"Hey," Mouse replied, returning a small smile back. He wasn't sure what she was doing here instead of with Jay at Med. "Can I help you with something?"
Erin slowly came around the counter and stood next to him, like she was building up courage to ask him something. Mouse noticed her swallow. "Can I see it?"
"You mean…"
Erin nodded. "I need to see it with my own eyes."
Mouse didn't think it was a good idea but he knew Erin wouldn't leave unless she got what she wanted so he gestured for her to sit down while he pulled the footage.
"Just….keep in mind that he's alright now," Mouse advised, knowing that what Erin was about to see would be very difficult for her. Erin nodded and waited for him to play the tape of Jay getting tortured.
Mouse couldn't watch the footage again himself so instead, he watched Erin's reaction. He saw the way her face had broken and the myriad of different emotions that played across it— horror, pain, shame, guilt— they were all there for anyone to see.
"I…" Erin stammered, her eyes glistening with tears at seeing Jay being treated like an animal. "I can't…"Mouse turned the footage off, thinking Erin had seen enough. "I did this."
"What? No," Mouse immediately disagreed. "What happened isn't your fault."
"I should've been there at Midway. I should've been there, watching his back. But instead I was too high." Erin's mouth quivered before the tears streamed down her face. Mouse wasn't an expert at comforting people— especially women— so he just gently handed her a tissue.
"Jay's okay," Mouse reminded Erin. "He's going to be fine."
"I let him down. He's always had my back but when he needed me, I walked away."
"But you also came back for him," Mouse interjected again. "You are back, aren't you?"
Erin met his eyes and nodded. "Yeah, I'm back."
Mouse smiled, not only because Erin was back with them but also because he knew that it was what Jay wanted the most. "Good. Because we really missed you around here."
That had Erin cracking a small smile, softly wiping away her tears. "I miss you guys too. I'm sorry."
Mouse didn't think that Erin owed him an apology but he appreciated it all the same. All that mattered was that Jay was fine and that Erin was back. Then Erin surprised him by pulling him into a hug, like they were friends. Then Mouse realized that they were actually friends. That he cared about Erin more than Jay's partner and the girl his friend was quite possibly in love with. So he awkwardly returned the hug, Erin laughing softly at his reaction.
"I'll see you later, Mouse." Erin gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek and made to leave.
"Hey, Erin," Mouse called just as Erin was at the exit. "Don't let Jay down again."
Erin nodded, pressing her mouth together. "I won't," she vowed before she walked out.
Mouse watched her leave then turned around back to the computer, feeling like the two of them had come to an understanding just between them that night.
AN: Somehow Mouse's POV had gotten away from me and it had turned into something much longer than I was planning. But I just love Mouse and just love getting inside his head at how he would see Linstead. So this is part 1 as I'm leaving other big important moments like Tawny, Yates, and of course, the awesome 40 caliber breadcrumb to part 2.
Once again, I can't thank you guys enough for all the sweet reviews as always. Seriously, I appreciate them so much and love reading that there are people out there that actually like reading my Linstead ramblings.
I know some of you guys are waiting for my other updates and I promise you they're coming. Seriously, if I could write fanfic for a full time job, I'd so would. Instead, I've been writing a little here and there, whichever story my inspiration hits. So I would like to conduct an informal poll.
I have completed about 2/3rds of the next chapter for 23 more, Slow spinning redemption and Chasing Atwater. So if you have a preference on a story you want updated first out of those three, please let me know.
Oh and also, if you're over 18 and living in the U.S, please register to vote! It's so important, especially this election.