Hello my dear readers!

Another chapter, because I adore you all and because even though I'm not quite done with the next one, you deserve some more!

Thank you to the 105 (holy shite) people who reviewed since I last posted. Y'all are amazing.

A lot of stuff has been going on lately- I'll explain at the bottom.

On to the chapter!

Chapter 49

The chatter of an Order meeting about to start was always a peculiar thing. There were people who spoke very seriously in clandestine whispers, peering about with great care as if there was an enemy informant right around the corner. These were the ones who always stopped talking when Severus approached, and eyed him with a mix of fear and dislike. Others spoke loudly and fearlessly, catching up on the latest gossip in the Ministry or each others lives.

Hermione drummed her fingers on the table, staring at a spot somewhere above Kingsley's head without really looking at it. The steady tapping of her fingers was the only visible sign of the nervous excitement that had been thrumming in her bones all day. The idea of destroying a Horcrux was so sweet, so much like the good news she needed to hear.

Severus had sent word that Draco would be meeting with the Dark Lord at half past eight- and now, at twenty minutes past, all of the members of the Inner Circle had just finished trickling in, except for Severus. They didn't want the visual of Harry destroying a Horcrux anywhere inside of his head.

"Is it Kingsley?" a low female voice murmured in her ear.

Hermione started, turning to stare at Tonks, who had just slid into a place next to her. "Is what Kingsley?"

"Is he Kingsley?" asked Tonks, sighing dramatically. "You know. Him."

There was a moment when Hermione just blinked owlishly at Tonks. "No," she said finally. "I thought I told you to stop guessing?"

Tonks wrinkled her nose. "You're no fun. What's up with the meeting tonight? There's much more…" her voice trailed off and she waved a hand at the front of the room, where Remus was talking quietly with Moody. "Stuff." She was right- a space had been cleared near the front, and the rather conspicuous beginnings of a protection circle were present on the floor.

Hermione stood up and stretched. "You'll just have to see. And don't call me not fun again, because it'll be happening any minute now. Patience. Some say it's a virtue."

"And those are the boring people," Tonks retorted, sticking her tongue out at Hermione's retreating back.

Hermione made her way through the people to the front of the room, then ducked out, ignoring the eyes that followed her. The Inner Circle knew what she did, and being around them sometimes was as uncomfortable as it was liberating. She liked not having to constantly pretend to be just a know-it-all student, but at the same time, eyes on her back had never been Hermione's favorite sensation.

Outside, in the hall, Dumbledore and Harry were talking quietly. Hermione leaned against the wall, waiting for them to finish. Harry was in his usual pair of baggy jeans and a tee-shirt that she remembered Bill and Fleur giving Harry for his last birthday. He looked drawn and serious, reaching up every so often to run a hand through his hair. When she narrowed her eyes, Hermione could see that his nails were bitten down to the quick and that his glasses were clean for once, a sign that Harry had wanted something to do with his hands badly enough that he had taken them from his face long enough to clean them. The only thing out of the ordinary was the large, ruby incrusted sword in his hands.

As always, the Headmaster looked cool and collected, especially in contrast to his protégé's nervousness. The usual flamboyant robes were a light blue with silver and gold spangles moving lazily across the fabric. His hands were tucked into the long sleeves, and he was looking down at Harry with a look of fond confidence.

"Don't worry, Harry," Hermione heard. "I will bring the meeting to a start, and you can wait out here. And I believe that our dear Miss Granger desires to speak to you, so I will leave you in her care until it is time."

Dumbledore's eyes met Hermione's as he swept past her. There was curiosity on the old man's face, curiosity and anticipation. Then it was gone and he was entering the room and calling for order and quiet.

Hermione moved closer to Harry, resuming her position leaning against the wall. "Ready, hotshot?" she asked in a lightly teasing voice.

Harry made a face at her. "Maybe?"

"This isn't the first time you've done this," Hermione pointed out with a raised eyebrow. "Last time you were twelve. You've got this."

"Are you sure you don't want to do this, Hermione?" asked Harry suddenly, his bright eyes caught between embarrassed and pleading. "I don't think-"

Hermione shook her head. "Harry. Calm down and listen to me." She waited a moment, the continued. "This is just destroying a Dark Artificat. You have the Sword of Gryffindor, you have plenty of experienced witches and wizards around to help if you need it, but my point is, you won't. It's Slytherin's locket, so you just have to hiss for it to open, then strike at the heart."

"But what if he comes out again?" asked Harry. "What if Tom Riddle sudden appears? What if he knows?"

"Don't give him enough time to emerge, if he does, hit him with the sword. The pointy end with the venom should do it," Hermione said tartly. "Stop stressing. If for some reason something goes wrong, Dumbledore and I will take care of it, okay?" She punched him in the shoulder. "Merlin, Harry. You were bugging me about not doing anything to fight him and I hand you a piece of soul to destroy on a silver platter and you chicken out now."

Harry laughed, finally. "I get it, I get it. Nerves, Hermione. They're something that happen to normal people."

"I saw you before the Triwizard Tournament. This is going to be nowhere near as hard as a dragon," Hermione told him. "Okay?"

Harry grinned. "Okay."

"Let's go," Hermione said cheerily. "Stick one to old Snake Eyes."

She opened the door to the kitchen, letting Harry walk in first. She noticed again how much he had grown, how broad his shoulders had become. He had been entering manhood one gangly limb at a time and now it seemed it had arrived.

"And now, as I'm sure you all have been wondering, it is time to explain what we have here," Dumbledore announced, smiling broadly at Harry. "Miss Granger's mission on Sunday was successful-" he was interrupted by polite clapping- "and she has brought back something of great import to the Dark Lord."

With theatrical timing, Dumbledore shook a dragon skin pouch over a kind of low column that had been set up in the center of the protective circle. The locket came slithering out in a pool of shiny gold and glittering emeralds.

"This locket used to be Salazar Slytherin's," he announced solemnly. A low murmur went through the Order. "Tom Riddle took a great magical artifact that had belonged to a founder of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and used it for his own Dark purposes. He has been using some of the energy of the locket to feed his own unnatural life. We will destroy it today, and take down one of the pillars of his power."

Clapping broke out again. Hermione watched the Inner Circle passively, examining their reactions. There were perhaps a few people in the crowd who might know about Horcruxes. She was surprised that Dumbledore had been as open with the information, although it was very much like him to twist the details to his purposes.

"My friends, my friends!" The wide spread, open arms quieted the group once more. "We have none other than our own Harry Potter to destroy the locket."

Harry stepped forward. The nervousness seemed to have dissipated and been replaced with excitement. He handled the large sword with easy grace, as if it had always been in his hand. That was the goblin craft right there- their swords were the easiest to handle and the most beautiful to use.

It was quick work for Remus and Moody to raise the protective spells on half of the room as the Inner Circle gathered in the other half. Hermione, Remus, Dumbledore, and Moody stayed with Harry in the wide circle.

Once everyone was in position- Harry behind the low platform with enough room to swing the sword, Hermione slightly to his left, Dumbledore slightly to his right, Remus and Moody to the front and off to the side, wands out for all but Harry- Dumbledore nodded. "We begin!"

Harry took a moment to steady himself, then turned the locket to face him. When he opened his mouth, a strange hissing sound emerged from it, tangled and hoarse. There was a slight sound as the locket popped open, revealing its belly to the group.

A pale greenish-gray mist began to rise from the chambers, struggling to take form.

"Now, Harry," commanded Dumbledore. "Now!"

The rubies winked in the light as the blade rose up and then came down in one swift strike, piercing metal and sinking deep into it. There was a screaming sound from the mist, a howl of anger and rage. More poured from the locket, rapidly taking the form of a person.

"Again!" shouted Dumbledore and Hermione at the same time.

With a grunt, Harry wrenched the sword from the locket and swung again, right through the mist into the second chamber. The screaming intensified, then stopped.

Hermione was staring at Harry as hard as Dumbledore was as the Horcrux died. Was there something different about him, was there something off, was there a reaction? It was barely perceptible, but the lightening scar behind Harry's hair was perhaps redder than usual.

All of them were breathing hard as they looked at the broken metal. It had taken on a charred appearance, black around the marks from the sword. The two chambers were cracked and the glass was smoky and opaque.

There were a few moments of silence, then someone began to clap. Before long, the applause was thunderous. Harry looked around the room, grinning broadly.

Remus clapped him on the back. "You did it, Harry!" he shouted. "Giving that snaky bastard one right in the gut!"

The wards were quickly taken down, the remains of the Horcrux collected by Dumbledore, and a feast of epic proportions made by Molly Weasley presented as celebration. Both the butterbeer and firewhiskey were flowing quite readily.

Hermione kept to the back of the celebration, watching Harry. Was there anything, anything at all different about him? Order members kept coming up to him, thanking him, handing him drinks. The boy looked happy and a bit tired, flushed from the effort and the attention.

It had done him good, Hermione decided. He had managed to strike a blow at Voldemort and could now reveal in that success with the adoration of the people around him. Harry would remember this as a good moment in the hard times to come, or at least she hoped he would.

Before long, her watch flared with a gentle heat.

Come if you can get away.

The spider web symbolizing Spinner's End told her where to go. Despite the fact that the level of intensity had told her it wasn't urgent, her heart rate picked up and a trickle of panic spread through her belly. Hermione was not sure if it was because there was the threat of the Dark Lord knowing what had happened (unlikely with the lack of urgency) or knowing that she would have to face Severus again.

The crowd was thick around Harry, but they let her through, watching with curious eyes. Ignoring them, Hermione laid a hand on his arm. "I have to leave now. Thank you, Harry." She smiled warmly at him, and he beamed back at her.

"You were the one who almost died finding it, Hermione," he said softly. "See you soon?"

"Of course," Hermione said, squeezing his arm and turning away. "I'll be back on my turnaround, as usual. I'll be back from 'visiting my parents' tomorrow."

Quickly she hurried out the door, escaping into the coolness of the night. After the heat of the small kitchen, the breeze felt good on her skin. The way the Apparition point was done at a quick walk, not quite a jog. Her thoughts were tumbling all over themselves, and she needed the time to sort them out.

How should she act around Severus? Like she had before, like she had the last time they had talked? She wasn't quite sure about anything anymore, at least anything regarding her Potions Master.

At the Apparition point, she quickly Disillusioned herself before turning and disappearing into the night. The slight disorientation dazed her when she landed in the humidity of Spinner's End. The smog hadn't obscured all the stars, but there was a damp sticky feeling in the air and the odd smell of the river that made the night not nearly as pleasant as London had been.

Soundlessly, Hermione made her way to Severus' house, slipping inside without knocking. Severus was in the sitting room, pacing in tight circles with clenched jaw. As soon as she was in the room, his wand was out and pointing at her.

"Just me, Severus," she said softly. "I'm going to take the Disillusion off now, okay?" His wand didn't lower until she was visible. "What going on, Severus?" she asked.

"Draco will be returning soon," he said tersely. "It might be a good time to test his allegiance and figure out how we are going to present him to the Order. He would have the most prejudice against you, so let's see if he is truly on our side. Or you can hide and watch."

Hermione raised her eyebrows in surprise, folding her arms over her chest. "A little warning might be nice next time. Or some planning."

Severus threw her a sharp glance. "I only just considered the possibility," he muttered. "If you don't like it, leave."

"Sweet as ever," Hermione murmured. "No, I'll stay. I'm just trying to decide what would be better. We don't want him running out the door with our information." Hermione shrugged. "You know him best, Severus, he's your godson."

Severus stopped pacing for a moment, and considered her with his usual intense gaze. Hermione felt a flicker in her belly, but thankfully she had enough practice schooling her expression that she was sure he wouldn't notice. "Hide, and then reveal yourself."

Scanning the room, Hermione chose an out of the way armchair and sat down, disguising herself quickly. "Is the depression in the seat noticeable?" she called out.

Having Severus' intense eyes roam over her body, hidden as it was, still made the pit of her stomach tremble. "You're fine," he said shortly. "He'll be here in five minutes." He was silent, then turned to look at her again. "Did it go alright?"

"It did, yeah," Hermione responded. "Harry did great- that's the second one down, now."

Something like a snort came from Severus. "Glad to know that Potter is able to follow simple instructions. How is it that he has such continual success in evading and defeating the Dark Lord and yet is incapable of brewing a simple potion?"

"You're confusing Harry's potion ability with Neville's," Hermione retorted. "He's not half bad at potions."

The sneer on Snape's face intensified. "No, you're right. It's following instructions he's incapable of."

"Again, only when it comes to you," Hermione protested. "He is actually decent at Occlumency now, and-"

There was the tell-tale pop of Apparition, and then a knock at the door. Hermione went silent, watching as Severus shrugged on robes before going to answer the door. She couldn't help but notice the breadth of his shoulders and long back that tapered into narrow hips.

When he returned, Draco in tow, he no longer looked like Severus but Professor Snape, his robes billowing behind him. Draco just looked confused.

"Why did you want to see me, Uncle Severus?" The boy looked tired, drawn, not even quite like a boy anymore. He had changed since Hermione had seen him last, really seen him, walking and talking just not bleeding out on a couch. He was a shade taller, but the way he carried himself was different too. There was knowledge in the lines of his body, new knowledge of the world and of the horrors that could be present in it.

Severus sat and gestured for the boy to do the same. He was quiet for a long moment. "Have you thought about our conversation, Draco?"

Hermione saw the flash of fear in Draco's eyes. "I have."

"And?"

"He was upset tonight," Draco said quietly. "I have no idea why he called me in- I've barely been given this task. Still, he was upset with my lack of progress and punished me accordingly. This isn't the life I want to live."

Severus nodded. "Well then. I will need to look inside your mind before I say anything else."

Draco's head shot up. "That's unnecessary-"

"It's my life on the line, so it is very necessary," Severus said sharply. "It's me or one of those bloody Gryffindors and I promise they won't be as gentle as I will be."

She saw the clenched fist, the tightened jaw, all the signs of warring emotions. "Fine," he spat finally. "But the moment I sense you pressing at things you aren't meant to see, you're out."

Snape gave a thin not-smile. "Of course." It was unspoken but understood by the entire room, Draco included, that Draco would have as little chance succeeding in pushing his uncle out of his mind as he would in kissing a Blast-Ended Skrewt.

Eye contact was made and the two turned statue still. Hermione settled in her chair as she waited. Time always passed differently inside the mind- memories took time to impart properly, but communication could be done in an instant. Rather than word by word it was just an impression of what one wanted to say, a flash of images and emotions that hopefully could be understood by the other.

Hermione took the time to examine the two Slytherins before her. The familiar features of her Potion Master tugged at her heart. He was no beauty, but still she could feel the want inside of her pulling and pulling and pulling. There were faint wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, far too early. He was stressed- she had seen his face devoid of lines when it was just the two of them together. She half expected to see grey hair on his head, but it was still the same thick, slightly greasy hair that she had always known him to have. His body was long and lean and sprawled elegantly in the chair, all long limbs and restrained vitality, a warrior.

On the other hand, Draco was the picture of a young prince with the world at his feet. The cloth of his robes was of obviously fine quality, his family ring was made of heavy silver and weighed down his right hand with all the presumption of wealth. He was pale, paler than Severus or Hermione, but the almost-white of his hair and the deep black of his robes gave life to his skin. Every line of his body was etched with his insolent belief in his own superiority. There was just an air about him in the way that he lounged in the uncomfortable armchair that would have told any observer that Draco was simply better than anyone else in the room- his blood was purer, he had more money, he was more powerful.

Neither appeared to belong in the dingy sitting room, with high bookcases with more dust than books and faded furniture. There was something so similar and yet so different about them- something about the way they held themselves, the utter arrogance of it all. It came to her after a moment- Hermione had never met two people with more projected confidence or more self-doubt and fear. It was all a façade- a well done, very convincing façade that was almost more real that the truth of their emotions, but a façade nonetheless.

Take Severus, for example- so unsure of his own worth, so sure he was meant to be unloved and unappreciated. Filled with such self-loathing. So certain that he would die before the war was through. Some of his power and elegance were genuine- the lithe way he moved was because of his fighting skill, the timbre of his voice was natural and nothing more. But most of it was affected- how he swooped into class with robes billowing behind him, with such a presence, the practiced drawl that made his words biting or tempting.

She could see it in Draco too, only because she had known him for so long. Hermione could remember a first year Draco, whose swagger had come from absolute belief in his supremacy. There had been nothing of the actor in his certainty. Now, however… now she could see the doubt, but only because she had once seen him doubtless. The boy who had been raised from birth to believe the Malfoys were untouchable had been destroyed by seeing his father placed in Azkaban. This youth had his entire world rearranged and had been forced to make the choice to kneel to a madman to spare his own neck. That changed a person, Hermione supposed. A part of her couldn't hate him anymore, a part of her had never hated him.

Severus blinked and Draco shifted; just like that the connection was broken and the deathly stillness had dissipated.

"Very well," Severus said slowly. "In that case… it's time." He looked over to Hermione's chair and nodded.

Hermione took a breath and dropped her Glamours, ensuring she would appear older, then dropped the spells that kept her hidden. "Hello, Draco," she said quietly.

The blond Slytherin swallowed hard- she could see his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. He bobbed his head. "Granger," he said, just as quietly.

Hermione turned her gaze to the Potions Master. "What did you see, Severus?"

"There was no perceptible shift in the Dark Lord's behaviors," said Severus, his voice crisp and clear. "But his punishment of Draco was more severe than I would have anticipated, based on past experience."

Hermione examined Draco briefly, noting the hands that trembled ever so slightly. "Do you still have that potion for the Cruciatus, Severus? The one you gave him last time?"

She ignored the way Draco's eyebrows rose in surprise. Severus nodded once. "But my stores are limited."

"It's not worth it, Professor," Draco said, his voice clipped. "I expect that you'll have worse to deal with in the future."

His statement was met by an appraising look. "Very well. In that case, we have little left to discuss. In the meantime, keep Severus updated of your progress and any meetings with the Dark Lord, and closer to September we will have a meeting about how you shall proceed with your task."

Draco gave Severus a sharp glance. "She knows about my task?"

"I knew about it within the hour," Hermione answered, drawing his eyes back to her. "And I wanted to take care of it right away, but Severus thought you might be useful." She paused a second, then tilted her head, regarding him with careful eyes. "And I agreed."

She had no way of knowing how dangerous she looked in that moment, to a more than slightly frightened Draco, thought Severus. Her hair was a mass of riotous curls that framed her face like a lion's mane, a visible display of the wildness that he knew could course through her veins. Draco might attribute that to the fear he felt, unaware that the way she held herself, as if she could pounce at any moment, and the way she moved her limbs with confidence and easy, dangerous grace also registered in his subconscious. She was wearing Muggle clothes, fawn colored trousers that ended at mid-calf and a deep green shirt that was billowy enough to allow her to move freely. In all, she looked the antithesis of pureblood- everything that the Death Eaters fought against.

"So what does that mean?" Draco asked. His voice was high, nervous. "I thought we were waiting until school, until I was no longer going to see him so often-"

"Our plans changed," Severus said harshly. "I have decided that you need to be presented to Order members before school starts again. It's August- you only have two weeks before school starts again. You'll be presented at a calling of select members of the Order."

"Including me," Hermione said, nodding at Severus. "Which is why we're meeting now. I needed to know if I should be on your side or not, and who to include in this meeting. So, convince me. Give me your speech about why we should take your information, why we should trust you." She gave Draco a humorless smile. "Think of it as a trial run."

Draco frowned, turning to Severus. "Why her? She has the most reason to hate me-"

Severus cut him off with no mercy or patience. "Exactly. And for the most part, Hermione has the Order wrapped around her little finger. She knows how to manipulate them in ways I can only dream of doing because of my outcast status. So if you can convince her, you are in."

"And if you can't, you walk out of here with no memory of the last hour," Hermione said cheerily. "So try hard."

Helpless, Draco turned to his godfather, who met his pleading gaze with cold eyes. "I won't tell you again to do as she says, Draco."

There was quiet anger in the tightening of the boy's jaw as he turned back to look at Hermione. "I don't like it, but I need the Order," he spat out. "I have no choice."

"Why?"

In the quiet sitting room, Draco spun his tale. In the same low, angry voice, he explained how he had been given an impossible task, how his family would be killed if he failed, how he would follow his godfather and give information.

Hermione sat back after hearing it, thinking. Then, addressing Severus, she said, "Less emphasis on your role, more on how he's changed his ways, so it's not entirely under duress."

"It is entirely under duress," Severus said, a hint of amusement in his voice. "But I agree."

Hermione nodded. "Okay. I think we'll need to include Moody- if we don't he'll throw a hell of a fit. Molly would be good- we want him to look as pitiful as possible so she'll take pity on him. If you imply your mother hasn't been doing much mothering lately, that might help. Remus- he acknowledged you were smart in school. I don't think Tonks would be a good idea- you're family, but family with history. Dumbledore, obviously, and maybe also Kingsley."

Severus nodded. "Start working on them now."

"Of course," Hermione said, toying with a curl, still thinking hard. "If we play it right, the final choice will come down to me as the one who is in the most danger. Then I accept, and we go from there. You'll probably have to do something to prove yourself- letting Dumbledore look in your mind at the very least."

"Is that all?" Draco asked sarcastically. "Anything else? Offer my first born son, perhaps, or donate the Malfoy fortune?"

Hermione smiled sweetly at him. "We don't have to try to save your life, you know."

"I could kill you now and go back to the Dark Lord victorious," spat Draco, rising half out of his chair.

Faster than he could have reacted, he was flat on his back and Hermione was twirling his wand in her left hand, her own wand drooping out her right. Draco's head was spinning, but he could still hear her sigh and say clearly, "Remind me why I'm doing this?"

"Because I asked you to, Hermione."

There was a pause, and another sigh from his godfather. "Don't give me that look. There are things more important-"

"And to you, he is one of them," was her quiet reply. "I know."

Rough hands peeled open one of Draco's eyes, checking the pupil, and then he was dragged up and thrown back into his seat by his godfather. "That was stupid," Snape said calmly.

Hermione came into his line of sight. "It was," she agreed. "I wouldn't have said you were stupid, merely prejudiced and brainwashed. Try harder, please. If I'm going to take risks on you, I need to make sure it's not a mistake."

"I didn't even see you draw your wand," Draco mumbled.

"I told you that you were outmatched," Severus drawled. "If I have to tell you to heed me one more time, I might as well put you under the Imperious and be done with it."

The corner of Hermione's mouth twitched up. "I think that we're done here, then," she said, still twirling Draco's wand. She handed it back to him hilt first, with something like a friendly smile. "Draw your wand on me again and you'll regret it." He believed her.

Severus sighed, returning to his chair. Hermione took the one that Draco had formerly occupied. "You can go now," Severus said, dark eyes serious. "I'll contact you the next time we need to meet." His gaze returned to the woman before him. "Tea?"

"Please," Hermione replied. "Goodnight, Draco."

Severus rose and escorted his godson to the door. Hermione listened for the closing of the door, and then the sounds of Severus making tea in the kitchen. The sounds were familiar and domestic, grounding in their routine. The splashing of the water into the kettle, the whistle of the boiling water, the shifting of the leaves as he measured out his own blend of tea- the knowledge that once upon a different time she might have heard this story of sounds every morning and every afternoon and every evening coming from this same man made her heart hurt. She wanted domestic with Severus so badly- but truthfully, at this point she just really wanted a kind word from him.

The steaming mug was thrust under her nose with no formalities, and she took it with a look of thanks instead of the spoken response. They sat in silence for a while, each thinking their own thoughts. The tea was good and the first cup finished in silence.

Hermione broke the quiet as Severus poured her another mug. "How much time do we have until Wormtail returns?"

"Dawn," Severus answered.

They were quiet again.

"Did you see anything in his mind, then?" asked Hermione. "Did the Dark Lord notice?"

Severus shook his head. "There was nothing. Unless he somehow knew, we are in the clear. Although I worry about his sanity as we take away pieces of his soul- his punishment of Draco really was far harsher than I would have predicted. But that could have been for a number of reasons, the least of which is that he is still royally pissed with Lucius. Draco will probably attribute his punishment to that."

"He looks so young," Hermione said after a long pause. "I forget that my classmates are barely sixteen, and sometimes I can't forget it either."

Severus sighed. "I know. I think the same of you, sometimes."

Hermione frowned at him. "In what way?"

"You got your Hogwarts booklist a week ago," Severus said, refusing to meet her eyes. "Tomorrow you're going to Diagon Alley to get your schoolbooks, and in weeks you're going to be sitting in my Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom as I lecture. And yet, I would trust you more than all of those fucking idiots in the Order to have my back because I know exactly how much you're capable of, and it's more than adults twice your age."

Hermione closed her eyes, feeling a pang of both hurt and happiness. He can't forget I'm his student and yet he trusts me. "I've never had quite the same problem with you," she murmured. "For me, Professor Snape and Severus are almost two completely different people. I've paid attention to Severus once or twice in class but had to stop because I was getting too distracted."

She caught his wince. "I had to very firmly stop that line of thought," he admitted. "It helped that in class you were still as annoying as ever."

The teasing lilt in his voice meant that instead of getting offended, she simply wrinkled her nose at him. "Hush, you."

"That's no way to talk to your professor," Severus said loftily. "I'll have you scrubbing cauldrons for weeks."

Hermione laughed. "From what I've heard about Slughorn, I could probably wiggle out of it by mentioning my future potential and batting my eyelashes." She gave Severus a wide, genuine smile. "Congratulations, by the way. Finally, you're getting your chance to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts."

Severus just nodded, his face solemn. "It's just because he needs Slughorn, Hermione. It has nothing to do with his trusting me more, or actually wanting me to teach Defense well."

Hermione shrugged. "So? You're getting the chance to teach, and at the best possible time, too. After Umbridge, the students will have to acknowledge that you're a better teacher than her. Look at my third year- half the reason that Remus was so popular was that he came after Lockhart." Her face softened. "You've wanted to do this for years, Severus, so don't let the circumstances affect how you're going to do it. You have the opportunity, so use it and don't fret about how it came about."

"Why is it that when I turn this over in my head I always come to the same conclusion, and two minutes of talking to you changes my opinion entirely?" asked Severus under his breath.

"Because I know how you think and I know that you're wrong sometimes," Hermione answered blithely. "And you listen to me. For the most part, anyway."

"I've missed you," Severus said abruptly, turning his head to pin her with the full force of his gaze. "I've missed you, Hermione."

There was so much emotion in his face and voice and words that Hermione felt bowled over, breathless under the pressure of his grey eyes and tight tone. "I've missed you too," she croaked finally. "Does-"

"No," he said shortly. "It- I thought you might want to hear it, that's all."

Hermione couldn't help but bow her head, hiding her face in her palms. Her shoulders hunched as she fought with the warring emotions within her: anger, sadness, guilt.

"I don't know if you're trying to be sweet or if you are deliberately trying to push me away," she said finally, her words slightly muffled by her hands. "If you really thought I'd want to hear it, or if you knew what an awful thing that is to say when you don't intend to do anything about it."

When she looked up at him, he was looking away. "It was a mistake," he said finally. "I would not deliberately try to anger you."

Hermione sighed. "This is why I wanted no contact before," she said ruefully. "Because it was easier to be mad at you for being an asshole and for lying to me than to realize that you don't know why you did it either. I meant what I said earlier, about pushing you away. I pushed you away when I shouldn't have because I was hurt. And every time you hurt me I want to push you away, because I'm not a masochist, Severus."

"I never said you were," he interrupted. "Hermione-"

"I wasn't through," she said, raising her voice. Hermione stood, approaching his chair. Severus hastily rose, to keep the advantage of height. She tilted her head up as he looked down his long nose at her.

"Then finish," he hissed. She could see that his own temper was rising, just as hers was. Spots of color were rising on his cheeks- either because he was angry at her tone or he was upset with himself for baring his emotions to her.

Hermione raised an eyebrow at him. "As I was saying, I'm not a masochist, Severus. I don't like pain, I don't like it when it feels like my heart is being torn from my chest." She took a shaky breath. "So you hurt me and I was hurting so badly, Severus. I tried to save myself by pushing you away. And then I realized something. Seeing you hurting hurt me too- all I wanted was to stop hurting, and it didn't seem like I could do that. Pushing you away didn't help, it just made it hurt worse and if nothing was going to stop my pain, then I decided I wanted to stop yours. So tell me what you want me to do, Severus. Tell me. Leave you alone, stay by your side, wait for you, just tell me."

Carefully she reached up with a hesitant hand, and with the lightest of touches she caressed the line of his jaw with the tips of her fingers. It was late- there was the prickle of the day's growth of stubble under the pads of her fingers. "I've not stopped loving you," Hermione whispered. "I didn't try very hard, because that would hurt worse, I think, than whatever we are now. I'm not going to give up on you, so tell me what you want from me."

Those dark, dark eyes closed, in pain or in thought she didn't know. His hand came up to take hers from his face. His hand was so familiar as it closed over hers, the warmth, the slender fingers, the scars and calluses. His eyes were still shut as he brought her hand to his face, pressing her palm to his cheek.

She felt the exhale of breath against her hand as he said something, but it was too quiet for her to hear. His body was so tight he was trembling, warring with himself.

"It's all for you," he said finally, opening his eyes and bringing her hand down, until he was holding it between them. "Things can't go to the way they were, but it was all for you."

Hermione closed her own eyes, sensing that he told the truth. "What do you want from me?" she asked again.

"I want to keep you safe," Severus said finally, opening his eyes. "I want you to let me try to keep you safe as best I know how."

Hermione opened her eyes, squeezing the hand she still held. "And how do you know to keep me safe?"

"By doing what I did," he told her, squeezing back. "Limited contact. I'll explain if I ever get the chance, but for now at least- for now-"

She lifted his hands to her lips, kissing his scarred knuckles. "Okay."

His hands went to her face, holding it still. Her heart fluttered in her throat as he bent and pressed a kiss to the top her head. They stayed like that for a moment, then he released her. "Goodnight, Hermione."

"Goodnight, Severus," she said quietly, willing tears not to spill from her eyes. In moments, it seemed, she was out in the darkness of Spinner's End, in the heat of the thickness of the night.

She wandered for a while, lost in her thoughts. It was a long time before she finally wandered into a playground full of rusty equipment. The swings creaked ominously as she sat, but she needed the peace and quiet of a child's place at night. The sky was just beginning to lighten to a pale purple when Hermione rose and shivered in the morning dew, before Apparating away.

And so ends Chapter 49.

I know that was a bit of a doozy. And there was that bit at the end... mwahaha. What do you guys think?

Your excerpt:

"Well," said Hermione, looking around the corridor. "I guess we should find a broom closet or something."

Stuff that has been going on:

1. ANOTHER GODDAMNED PLAGIARIST. There was a really awful troll/ potential plagiarist who was threatening to take my new short story and put it on ao3. It made me mad enough to consider abandoning ff all together. I don't like dealing with this- it causes stress in the part of my life that is supposed to be fun.

2. I'M GETTING MY ARTICLE PUBLISHED. Holy cow, right? It's an international peer reviewed academic journal, and it's primarily online, which I like because that makes it more accessible. I'm super excited, but also really, really busy with it.

3. SCHOOL IS CRAZY. I'm now heading up several clubs, I've started volunteering at a domestic violence shelter which I'm super psyched about, and all of my previous volunteering. Oh, and I'm also taking a ton of classes, dealing with boy trouble and wishing for a moment of peace and quiet. Also, a stick bug infestation. :/ And I'm still not better healthwise, and I have a cold, so the tiredness levels are through the roof.

Ok. That's what going on in your friendly' author's life. Just a reminder that I do this for fun and I have other things going on, as a kind of excuse for not updating as often as I should.

Leave a nice review? And go check out my new short stories!