Hey there folks.
Still alive! Barely but still here.
To all of those who sent me friendly reminders about the end of January: sorry. So sorry. I got busy. More at the bottom.
Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Now onto the chapter. This one is long and heavy. Strap in and hold on tight.
Chapter 52
Knowing that Severus would arrive at ten meant that as soon as the sun set, Hermione abandoned her reports and threw her nervous energy into preparation. There was no reason to believe that anything much would happen, but that did not stop Hermione from shaving, plucking her eyebrows, and putting a dab of perfume on her wrists and between her breasts. She washed her hair and made sure that her curls were not as bushy as they normally were, put on her nice lacy underwear and bra, and stood in front of her closet with a frown on her face.
Eventually she settled on a black button down shirt that she tucked into a skirt that fell to her knees. The shirt had a neckline a little deeper than she normally liked and when she rolled the sleeves up to her elbows it looked decent on her and since it was fitted to the waist it looked nice. At a quarter to ten she sat back at her desk, and tried to look at reports.
It didn't work. Her thoughts immediately went to Severus immediately went to what she would say to him and what he would say to her and what role Dumbledore had to play in it. How on earth would this play out? Her stomach was in knots and she thought that she would faint or throw up or something in front of him. And how would he take the news about Krum? Before she would have said that he would have taken it poorly, but now… she couldn't read him as easily now. It felt like months since they had properly talked, since she had been able to read his emotions in the wrinkle of a brow and the amount of tension in his shoulders.
A quiet knock at her door made her heart jump to her throat. When Hermione rose to answer, her knees gave out and she sank back into her chair. "Come in," she called out instead, willing her hands not to shake and her breath to steady.
As he had done dozens of times, Severus Snape slipped inside her bedroom, closing the door with a quiet click behind him. Their eyes met, and he hesitated for a moment, then removed his heavy outer robes, leaving him in a plain white button down and black trousers.
So he's going to be open with me, then, thought Hermione. Wordlessly, she gestured to the seat in front of her. "Would you like some tea?"
Severus shook his head. "No, thank you."
Silence fell, but it wasn't awkward, just heavy. Hermione felt like his gaze was memorizing her, taking in each of her features and cataloging them somewhere behind his eyes, as if he'd have to draw her from memory later. She wasn't drawn to fill the void, to say something. He had to speak first.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," he said finally, his eyes intense on hers. "All I wanted was for you to be alive, safe, and happy, in that order. If I had to sacrifice your happiness- and my own- to keep you safe, then it wasn't even a question of what I would do, Hermione."
She closed her eyes then, willing herself to do what she had to do. "You lied to me. You listened to me beg. You took something that was bright and beautiful and sacred in my life and you crushed it completely, Severus."
Even though she couldn't see him, she could feel the pain in his voice as he answered her. "I know. I know how badly I hurt you, Hermione."
"I won't ask you why because you told me already," Hermione said quietly. "But where do we go from here?"
There was quiet in the room, a quiet loud with questions and remorse and aching tender wanting. The quiet held fear and love and pain and hope and every emotion that Hermione had fought to keep behind her shields for so, so long. He was just as scared as she was, he was just as sad, just as hurt and just as hopeful. She could feel the yearning in her chest for him, the want that had been pushed down and down and down again rising to the surface once more.
Severus sighed, bracing his elbows on his knees. He looked up at her, meeting her eyes with an open vulnerability. "When I start speaking, don't stop me," he said tiredly. "Please."
Wordlessly, Hermione nodded.
Severus took a deep breath, straightened, and began to speak. "There are a thousand reasons we shouldn't be together," he said glumly. "I'm a Death Eater and you're an Order member, I'm a teacher and you're my student, I'm a man approaching forty and you're barely out of your teens." He held up a hand when she opened her mouth. "Hermione, I'm a mean, nasty, ugly man. I've killed before and I'll kill again, I practice Dark Magic, I am cruel and violent and above all I'm not kind. You're-" he stopped for a moment, then stood, and walked over to her, kneeling in front of her chair and taking her hands in his. Hermione let him, her heart pounding in her ears. "You're beautiful, Hermione," he said, his voice hoarse and barely more than a whisper. "You're beautiful. You're young and your mind is the most amazing thing I've ever seen, you're sweet and kind and pure in a way I don't think I ever was. I turned you into a killer and still you haven't left behind your soul. You- you-" he was getting frustrated, unable to form the words. "Gods, Hermione, you're perfect. You're beautiful and deadly but you're kind and you love with abandon and you are so full of life I don't even know what to do with you."
He bowed his head, holding her hands to his lips. "I love you so much," he croaked, and with that sentence whatever barrier he was hiding behind broke. "I love you and I feel like my world will fall apart if you're not in it. But I don't know how to love, Hermione, you've seen how badly I've cocked it up. All I want is for you to be happy, and I didn't think that I could make you happy or keep you safe."
She was crying, she was crying and her tears were falling on his head. "Don't cry," he begged her, cupping her face with both hands and brushing away her tears. "Don't let me make you cry."
"But-" she began to say, and his thumb went over her mouth.
"I don't deserve you, Hermione, and I'm sure as hell that you've done nothing so bad in your life that you deserve me," Severus told her, his words spilling out faster and faster. "I'm just the first man you've loved- there could be more, in the future, your time is not over yet-"
Hermione wanted to slap him, and he could see it in her face. He cringed, but he pressed forward.
"But if you want me, then I'm yours," he said finally, staring into her eyes. "There are a thousand reasons why it shouldn't work, why you shouldn't want me, but if you do, then I'll be yours, Hermione. I'll promise whatever you need me to promise, I'll do whatever you want me to do, but I'll be yours. I'll earn your trust again, I'll fight to get back what we had."
Hermione stared at him, her eyes wide and lashes wet from her crying. "Are you done?" she asked softly.
Severus nodded. He swiped his thumbs over her cheekbones again, wiping away her tears. Hermione's hands went to his face, her fingers tracing the sides of his face, before holding it gently.
"You said you loved me," Hermione whispered. "You just told me you love me and Severus, I'm so scared because I feel like if I blink or move a centimeter you're going to take it back and leave."
He leaned in closer, urgency in his body. "Tell me how I prove it to you," he said, almost begged. "Whatever I need to do."
"I don't know," Hermione said helplessly. "I don't know."
It was only a moment before he lunged forward and slanted his mouth over hers, claiming her tongue with desperate urgency. She responded, her hands going from his face to his hair. Oh, her body had forgotten how to respond to his kisses, it had forgotten how to breathe and think and kiss Severus at the same time. It was a burning, an aching, a desire so deep she didn't, wouldn't, couldn't think straight with his mouth on hers. His kiss was demanding, harsh, and as bright as sunlight reflecting off of snow.
He was pushing her back in her chair, his mouth insistent upon hers. There was a point where tears had fallen from her eyes, wetting both their cheeks, but it seemed like that point was past when he pulled away slowly, drawing out the feeling of the kiss. She followed him subconsciously, leaning her body toward him. Slowly, with a few pops, he stood, looking down at her. With gentle pressure on her hand, he pulled her up to him, not letting go of her hand.
"I'm yours," he said again, meeting her eyes seriously. "When you decide what you want from me, let me know and if it is in my power, it will be done."
Hermione closed her eyes, letting out a shaky breath. "I think we have a lot to talk about, but I think I'm a little too frazzled to do that now," she said, hating her own honesty. "A plan of mine is going into motion tomorrow that I'd like to talk about with you. I think I need to decompress and I think you do to." She hesitated before she spoke again. "But I don't want to be apart from you tonight," she said finally. "Would you be able to stay?"
Severus thought for a moment. "Yes. I might get some trouble from Wormtail, but I can always explain it away." He squeezed her hand gently, and she squeezed it back.
"Then I'm going to take a bath," she said. "Feel free to stay here or go and make excuses or pick up a change of clothes or whatever you need to do. I won't be too long. But we need to talk and- and I think I need to spend the night with you holding me, Severus, just so I can be sure it is as real as I want it to be."
She stepped closer to him, looping the arm that wasn't holding his hand around his neck and drawing his head down to her, kissing him sweetly for a long stretch of time.
"Hurry back to me," he said, eyes flashing dark.
Hermione grinned at him. "I will."
Hermione stood with her hand on the doorknob of her room, trying to urge herself to open the door. Her hair was piled up on top of her head, her skin warm and soft from the bath. The tight muscles in her back and neck had finally, fractionally, relaxed. Weariness was clawing at her eyes, but still, her heart was beating fast at the thought of seeing Severus in her rooms. Through her wards she had felt him leave the house and return, felt him climb the stairs in the distance of her magical consciousness, had felt him disable the wards on her door and slip inside. He was there, a thin piece of wood away from her.
She squared her shoulders and pulled her robe closer around her, opening the door with a bit more force than she should have. Severus turned at the noise the door made as it hit the wall, and the small sound that came from Hermione.
He was wearing a pair of long dark sleep pants made out of some sort of soft looking material that looked thin enough for the summer yet cozy enough to keep one warm in the relative cool of Hermione's room. That wasn't what surprised her- Severus Snape was also wearing a worn cotton tee shirt, grey in color with a scattering of small holes around the hem and one in the shoulder. It clung tightly enough to his body that she could see the wings of this shoulder blades before he turned around and the slightest hint of the definition of his chest when his front was toward her. He was wearing his hair pulled back from his face in a ponytail of sorts. When his hair wasn't hanging around his face, it made Severus' face look leaner, sharper, more like a bird of prey than an unpleasant man. Now, however, he didn't look like either- he looked like a rather ordinary man about to go to bed. Hermione felt a twinge in her chest that wanted to bring tears to her eyes.
"What?" he asked defensively, crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't usually sleep in a button down and trousers, it's just what kept happening."
Hermione shook her head slowly. "I knew that," she murmured, closing the door and locking it before walking toward him. "The other night, remember? Although…" she let the pause drag out, slowly moving her eyes long his body. "I remember you wearing far less than this. Boxers, to be exact."
He scowled at her, taking in the smirk on her face when she finally reached his eyes. "I didn't feel like going back down to my quarters then."
"I wasn't complaining," Hermione said, reaching out and tracing the line of his collarbone over the thin grey shirt. "Nor am I complaining now. I just didn't realize you wore colors." She raised an eyebrow when his scowl deepened. "Even if it is the color right smack in between black and white."
Slowly she dragged her hand over his chest, down his abdomen. He was a tall man, so tall it felt ridiculous standing right next to him sometimes. He was too skinny- she could have counted his ribs if she had felt so inclined. Still the way he sucked in a breath made her duck her head and smile. She could do that to him.
"I thought we needed to talk," Severus said, his voice a tad rougher than it had been before. He captured her hand before it reached down too low, swiping his thumb over the back of her hand before raising it to his mouth and pressing his lips to it. "If you keep doing that, I fear our mouths might be otherwise occupied."
Hermione sighed, but didn't lose the pleased expression on her face. "You're right. But we can talk in bed, can't we?"
Severus ducked down and kissed the top her head. "I can even hold you if you want."
Hermione cast a glance at her admittedly rather narrow bed. "I think you'll have to if we both want to fit in there," she said, not a trace of disappointment in her tone.
There was a slight increase of pressure on her stolen hand, and then Severus released it, going to her bed. Hermione gave him a fond smile, then crossed the room to her dresser, taking a pot of face cream and slowly rubbing it into her skin. There was a little flutter in her chest when she looked at her bed, and saw Severus under her cover, watching her propped up on one elbow.
"You look awfully domestic," Hermione murmured, more for her ears than for his.
Still, he looked surprised and maybe a bit discomfited. "And?"
"I like it," Hermione replied. "It gives me fodder for imagining life after this damned war." She set the face cream back on her dresser, then undid her robe and hung it on her chair. She was wearing a thin tank top, thin enough that he could see her nipples pebble from the cold when she took of her robe. The blue cotton shorts were the same ones that she had been wearing the night they had talked about explosions. The darkening of his eyes told her that he approved.
There was a comfortable quiet in the room as she padded over to the bed, pulled the covers over, and slid into his arms as easily as if it were breathing. But there were days when even breathing had felt overwhelming. Still, the feeling of falling into his arms again made a wave of comfort wash over her, smoothing the tightness that still lingered in her muscles. She exhaled the tension and inhaled him: smoke and herbs and wood and books and that scent that was just Severus, the smell of his skin and of his breath. His arms tightened around her, and she pressed a kiss to the exposed skin of his neck.
"So what did we need to talk about?" asked Severus. His voice was low and rumbled through her as he spoke.
"I'm putting a plan into motion tomorrow that you are absolutely going to hate," Hermione said, giving a rueful sigh. "Even I think that it has crap timing, but since Dumbledore fucked up my plans, it's taking one for the team."
She could feel him frowning even though she couldn't see his face. "Oh? Elaborate, please, before my mind devises a range of possibilities, each more terrible than the last."
Hermione stroked his chest. "Don't get mad," she warned. "I'm going to be pretended to revive my relationship with Viktor Krum in order to have a reason to go to Albania."
It didn't even take him a full breath to put all the pieces together. "I should have thought of the possibility of there being a Horcrux in Albania," he muttered. "And how realistic is this false revival going to be?'
Hermione winced. "Hopefully not too realistic," she said reassuringly. "I'm getting in contact with Rita Skeeter tomorrow, stage a paparazzi descent on a date with Viktor, and then flee to Bulgaria to be with him away from the cameras, until school starts. That gives me time and reason enough to get to the mainland, and we can just go visit his aunt and uncle in Albania. We have a fantastic cover story, so no one at the Ministry would even think of being suspicious enough to report it."
Severus sighed, and tucked his nose into her hair. "I don't like it," he said darkly. "Especially since I've only just found you in my arms again. I can't say what it would do for my raging jealousy if I were to see the Daily Prophet splashed with photos of you in another man's arms."
"Well, you'll just have to trust me," Hermione said, scooting up and pressing a kiss to his very recently shaved cheek.
Severus captured her mouth in a tender kiss, sensually sliding his mouth against hers. "It appears that I have, against my will I might add- decided to trust you with my heart. And since it appears that I'm doing everything in my power to try to get you to dash it to the ground and break it, it's probably best that it rest in your care."
"That was… both sweet and depressing," Hermione said, heart beating a little too fast from the kiss. "I'll do my best to keep your heart hale and whole." It said something about him, she decided, that he was a man who would try to goad her into smashing his heart to smithereens on the ground rather than ask her to hand his heart back.
Severus kissed her again. "I'm trying to be sweet," he told her, his mouth light brushing hers as he spoke. "It feels… odd but right. I want to be sweet to you. Give me time to figure it out."
"Don't get too sweet," she warned him, kissing him swiftly. "I think I'm about the only person on this earth that actually likes you when you're being a grumpy bastard."
Hermione lay back down, snuggling into his chest. "What else do we need to talk about?" she asked him. "I feel like there was much more than that."
"There's the 'where do we go from here' conversation," Severus said softly, trailing his fingers down her arm. "If you want to have that now."
"I don't see why we shouldn't," replied Hermione. "We didn't do things right the last time. We keep getting too caught up in each other to place boundaries and follow them, and every time we end up regretting it."
"That was a bit pessimistic," Severus said, and she could hear the frown in his voice.
Hermione pressed a kiss to his chest over the cotton of his tee shirt. "I'm not exactly predisposed to sunshine and rainbows," she said ruefully. "Do you blame me? I feel like I keep placing my heart in your hands and I don't know why I do it. Why on earth do people fall in love? I hate the idea of my heart walking around outside my body and I'm powerless to stop you from getting hurt."
"Or to stop me from hurting you," Severus murmured, and his arms tightened around her. "If you don't want to do this again, Hermione, we don't have to. I can be whatever you want me to be."
Hermione pulled away slightly drawing herself up so that she could see his face. "Whatever I want you to be?" she demanded. "Really?'
"Really," Severus said solemnly. "I've promised."
Hermione raised an eyebrow. "So if I said that I wanted you to be a fuck buddy and nothing more, you would be okay with that?"
Severus scowled at her. "Don't test me. But I suppose, if I got to fuck you, it would be worth it."
There was a glimmer in his dark eyes that made Hermione shiver. "I won't test you then," she murmured.
"So you don't want me to fuck you," clarified Severus.
Hermione bit her lip, looking down at him. "I didn't say that exactly," she said, blushing at the brazenness of her words.
A gentle, cool finger came up to caress her flaming cheek. "Your body betrays you, Hermione," he said quietly. "I don't think you're ready."
A surge of anger stemming from denied desire raced through her. Hermione took the hand that was cupping her face, and moved it down to her breast, where her nipples had pebbled instantly at his touch. "Are you sure about that?" she asked, her voice just as low. "I'm an adult, Severus. I feel like you keep forgetting that I am a woman now with a woman's wants and a woman's needs and a woman's desires. I want you. I just want to be sure of you before I let you have all of me."
He sucked in a breath at her speech- or, perhaps, the breast in his hand. Gently, ever so gently, he squeezed her flesh, savoring the warm weight of it, then pressed his thumb and forefinger together around her nipple, drawing a low sound from her throat. It felt like there was a direct line from the point where his hand applied pressure through her shirt to the place between her thighs, leaving a heavy aching feeling there. She wanted to grab his other hand and press it to her center, she wanted to beg him to make the aching build and build and build until it overwhelmed her.
Severus seemed to understand that and more, looking deep into her eyes as he released her nipple and traced a circle around it with his fingertip, then smoothed his hand down her side into safer territory. "I understand."
Hermione took his hand, and brought it to her mouth. She pressed a kiss to the palm of his hand. "Thank you. I think that as much as you forget that I'm a woman, not a girl, I sometimes forget that you're a man and you've had adult relationships when sex came much faster."
Severus snorted. "I haven't had that many adult relationships, Hermione," he said, drawing her to his side again. "I'm not inexperienced, but I'm not as attractive to women as you seem to think I am."
"I'm not going to ask about your history," Hermione told him. "I won't say I don't care, but I will say I don't want or need to know as long as I know I'm the only one for you at the moment."
Severus kissed to top of her head. "You are," he said simply.
"I'll be gone for almost the rest of the summer, until school starts up again," Hermione said regretfully. "So when we're trying to make this work again, we'll be at Hogwarts."
There was a long period of quiet, in which Hermione felt her lover tense at least three times in an attempt to say something. He struggled with it for a while longer, and she stayed quiet, giving him time.
"I don't know if I can explain to you how wrong it feels to be having these feelings about a student," he said finally. "I hate myself for a lot of things, Hermione, and this is easily one of them. There are lines that should not be crossed, and we cross that one with impunity."
Hermione kissed his chest again. "But think about why it is considered wrong, Severus," she argued. "Because there is fear of the teacher using their power over the student in unhealthy ways. If you were to change my grades or use them to force me to be in a relationship with you that would be wrong. You've never discussed my grades with me, except in teasing." There was no change in the stiff lines of his body, but she pressed ahead anyway. "The problem with teacher student relationships is that there is a power imbalance, Severus. And there has been a power imbalance in our relationship. If we take steps to fix that, then there isn't a problem."
"But there is, Hermione!" he exclaimed. "There is! It is breaking the trust that is placed in me, the trust that I will do nothing to harm my students or prey on them-"
"You didn't prey on me, Severus!" Hermione protested just as vehemently. "You didn't! There were a bunch of fucked up situations you had little control over that thrust us into the other's arms and you get me like no one else does, so I'm not going to give up this beautiful thing we have because you just happen to be my teacher in my fake life!"
"Your fake life?" asked Severus. His eyes were unreadable when they met hers.
Hermione sighed, and looked away from him. "Life at Hogwarts- it's like I'm going through the motions, but I'm not really there, you know? I'm not a seventeen year old girl going in for her sixth year of schooling. I've done all the spells and brewed all the potions. I am my fake person in front of Ron and Lavender and Parvarti and all my other classmates. They don't know the Hermione that reads reports for the Order, who has a thing for knives, the Hermione who loves you. That is me- the adult version of me, at least, the me I feel the most comfortable with. It's not exactly the me that the Order sees, but it's close to that one. Severus, I feel like I'm always hiding one aspect of myself or another except when I'm with you, so don't you dare take that away from me."
He pressed up and kissed her sweetly, using his lips with the faintest of touches. "I won't take it away," he promised. "I suppose it would be much different if you were your average student of our fair and esteemed Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But since you are you, Hermione Granger, I can make an exception."
She bent down and kissed him again. "Thank you."
"So what is left to figure out?" asked Severus. "What more do you want to talk about before we can sleep?"
Hermione shrugged. "We need to figure out how to deal with a power imbalance in our relationship," she said. "And I think we've made a step by admitting that it exists. As long as we're aware of it, we can make sure that we don't give in to it."
Severus let his mouth spread into a lazy smile. "So we're done with talking?" he asked. There was a sudden dangerous purr in his voice that let her know exactly what was now on his mind.
Hermione swallowed thickly. "I suppose we are," she admitted.
In one swift motion he flipped them, sliding forward until his hips fit perfectly into the cradle between her legs. Hermione let out a squeak that was soon muffled by his mouth over hers, kissing her hungrily. Happily she wound her arms around his neck, kissing him back just as enthusiastically.
A nice end to an evening, she thought, before her mind turned to other things. A rather lovely end, I'd say.
Apparition was a tricky bit of magic under any circumstances, but in heels and as a Side Along, it was even harder. Viktor had refused to tell Hermione which restaurant he was taking her to, insisting that it be a surprise. She had to grab the Quidditch player's muscled forearm again when she saw the name of the restaurant. Now the fancy get-up that Viktor had insisted on made much more sense.
"Viktor!" she gasped. "I thought we would be keeping it… low key." One hand fumbled in her purse, releasing a small beetle who had come along with them.
He grinned down at her. "I am getting only one chance to wine and dine you, Hermione," he said. "I have friends who were getting us reservations."
Hermione tugged at her shawl. "Fine," she said, giving him a reluctant smile. "Let's eat. And you are most definitely paying if this is where we're going."
Viktor laughed heartily, putting an arm around her shoulders. "But I am not an internationally renowned Quidditch player any more, Hermione. I left it all for you." A slight buzzing sound made Hermione want to slap at the air in front of her. She clenched her fists, but refrained. It would be rude to slap her pet journalist out of the air.
Hermione made herself give Viktor her best imitation of a love sick smile. "But you'll be going back to it soon enough, my dear."
They walked into the restaurant, separating only long enough for Viktor to open the door for Hermione. The interior of the restaurant was all soft gold lighting and dark stained wood. Soft jazz music was coming from a piano played by a pearly ghost in a smart suit that dated him to the 1920's. The maître d' smiled widely at them when they came in.
"Mr. Krum," he said, a noticeable hint of excitement in his voice. "What an absolute pleasure." He turned to Hermione, a noticeable cooling in his voice. "And guest."
Hermione could practically feel Krum bristle beside her. "Our table," he practically growled. "I believe I requested an outdoor table if the weather was nice."
The man sniffed and collected two menus. "Right this way, he said, turning his back to them. Hermione and Viktor followed through the beautiful restaurant, weaving through small tables filled with glamorously well-dressed people. There were a fair share of murmurs as they- or, rather, Viktor – attracted the attention of the crowd. It seemed that her friend was used to it, even if he didn't like it. Unlike other sports stars, Viktor did not strut and preen with the attention. Instead he seemed prone to attempt to fold in on himself, allow his walk to become more and more duckfooted, more and more awkward. Gently, Hermione squeezed the arm she held. Viktor gave her a grateful look, and straightened the hunch in his back a tad.
They were led through a door in the back into a lovely garden pavilion, clearly shaped through magic. The air was neither too warm nor too cold, small candles flickered in nonexistent wind, and the sweet perfume of flowers was an undercurrent with every breath. It was gentle and lovely and Hermione felt a genuine smile come to her face.
Their table was near a trellised wall of the garden. The white table cloth was pristine, and small globes of magical light hung in the air above their heads. The couple sat down, menus were given, and they were left alone.
Hermione had warned Krum that from the moment they left the house, they would have to act the entire time. Still, she was slightly nervous. If there was the need for it, she could make sure that Rita would only write what Hermione wished, but really, she didn't quite want to resort to that. If everything could just go smoothly, life would be much easier.
"Are you knowing what you want, my dear?" asked Krum, setting down his menu politely.
Hermione smiled at him, and set down her menu. "I'll have the duck breast, I believe," she said smoothly. "And you?"
"Steak," said Krum with satisfaction. "It is good here. Not quite like at home, but that is to be expected."
Hermione reached across the table, and Krum slid his hand into hers. "Well, someday you'll have to show me." His eyes were sparkling with good humor.
Over the food and the wine, conversation progressed easily. The food and the wine were both excellent, of course, but the conversation was simply… nice. Krum was smart enough, Hermione knew, and he was kind and sweet and pleasant to talk to. Still, Hermione was finding that more than ever she missed the dark, sharp humor of the man waiting for her at home. Krum was sweet, yes, he was too sweet. There was no fun in bantering with him, no risk of being cut. What was the fun without the risk?
Still, it was nice to be out on a date. It had been hilariously fun getting ready with Tonks. Hermione liked the way her lips looked when they stood out vividly from her face, she liked the way her eyes were more defined. She felt older, more comfortable in her skin. But she also wished Severus could see her like this… despite what had happened last time she had been dressed up in front of them.
It was a lull in the conversation, when the wine glass felt heavy in her hand and the wine itself had made her languorous, thoughtful. Her mind turned to that night, to the darkness of her room and his hands on her in the mirror. She ached so much for that again, for his hands on her.
"What are you thinking about?" Krum asked, his eyes warm and dark. "You look happy."
Hermione smiled at him. "Nothing appropriate for dinner conversation," she said, flapping a hand dismissively. "Do you want dessert?
Krum shook his head. "No. I am fine. And you?"
Now she was eager to get home. There was a slight thrill running along her spine and down her arms that she knew was there because Severus had requested that she let him know when she returned. There was a question of what would happen when she returned. What would he do, what would he say? There was also always the small fear now that it would be something horrible, but Hermione firmly told herself that it would not be the case. Silently, she shook her head.
"Then let us leave," Krum said, raising a hand and calling over the waiter. Before the man could bring the bill Krum gave him a small bag of gold. Hermione almost cringed seeing it- the meal had been almost horrifically expensive.
His arm was offered, and accepted. A slight buzzing around Hermione's head made her resist, once more, to swat at the bug. The night is done, Hermione thought wearily. Well, almost done, anyway.
She was not prepared for the flashbulbs in her face when they stepped out of the door. They burned across her eyes, made her want to grab her wand and start cursing people, grab her knives and start slashing. Only the fact that Krum was holding her right hand- her wand hand- tightly stopped her from injuring someone. Quickly, he drew her to him, and Hermione tucked her face into his shoulder.
"How long have you and Miss Granger been back together?"
"Was this your first date in London?"
"Are you living together?"
"Was this why you've taken a break from Quidditch?"
"Will you be returning to the Bulgarian team or looking for a spot on the English team?"
"Are you friendly with Harry Potter?"
The questions were relentless, the flashbulbs going off as they made their way through the crowd. There was a shouted warning from Viktor, and then they were squeezing through time and space, vanishing into the night.
They landed in a secluded alley in the center of London. Hermione broke free of Viktor, going to lean against the wall and breathe heavily. "They're mad," she croaked. "Just mad."
Viktor nodded. "I can see why you would not want that kind of life," he admitted, looking down. "It is invasive."
Hermione nodded emphatically. "Did you not Apparate directly home in case one of them grabbed us?" she asked.
"It's happened before," Viktor said gravely, offering her a hand once more. "Back home?"
Hermione accepted it readily. "Yes," she said, giving his hand a squeeze. "And let's make plans to leave."
To the surprise of Severus Snape, Hermione asked if they could meet in Grimmauld Place instead of Safe House Three. He agreed with only a hint of trepidation. If they were meeting in Grimmauld Place, then they were meeting in his room, on his ground. Severus preferred that in to her room in a way, the room where so much had happened.
Leaving Peter was easy enough, and Apparating to Headquarters more habit now than anything else. It was strange that the summer was already drawing to a close- soon the school year would start again, and he would be back in the classroom, teaching a fresh batch of new young dunderheads. However, it was the first year that he would not be teaching Potions. No, now that job had been given back to Professor Horace Slughorn. Severus was not sure how he felt about it- so much was changing this year that it hardly felt like returning at all.
There was no one in the foyer of Grimmauld Place when he arrived, but Severus could hear voices in the kitchen. He stalked through the halls silently, having been in the house enough times to know which floorboards creaked and which portraits to acknowledge and which to avoid eye contact with.
He could feel her presence in his rooms before he opened the door- he smiled to himself, unaware that he was doing so. As he had predicted, Hermione was indeed in his room, seated at his desk looking over his new lesson plan. She looked up at the noise, giving him a smile when she met his eyes.
"Hullo," she said, her voice low and slightly husky.
He nodded at her, removing his robe with a flourish and hanging it up. "Good evening," he replied. He unbuttoned his cuffs, rolling them up his forearms. Her eyes followed the movement hungrily. It made his belly clench.
She pushed her chair back from the desk. "The lesson plan looks good," she told him matter-of-factly. "Complex certainly, but good. If we had had a good set of previous teachers, I'd have said it goes over too many things we should already know, but it fills in a lot of the patches. I'd take out some of the stuff about magical creatures for my year at least- we had all we could handle with Lupin."
Severus gave her a scowl that he didn't really mean. "We've haven't even been talking properly for a week and already you're critiquing my job performance," he muttered.
Hermione stood, leaning against the desk in lieu of walking toward him. "I get rather cranky if I don't get to critique something. And if I get cranky, then you'd have to cheer me up." His eyes flicked over her form appreciatively. She was still wearing the deep blue dress she had worn to dinner with Viktor, still wearing the heels and the stockings, still wearing the pearl necklace that he had given her. The dress clung to her breasts and her hips, was tight against her waist.
"I don't think I'd mind that task nearly as much as you seem to think I would," he murmured, closing the distance between them. With a surety that sent a flutter up Hermione's spine, he slid his hands from dip of her waist to her hips, holding her securely. Without her needing to consciously think about it, her legs slid apart, allowing him to stand between her legs. The heels gave her just enough height that he wouldn't have to bend terribly to kiss her, if he was so inclined. Hermione's back was arched, pressing her chest toward him.
Slowly, slowly, Severus lowered his head until his lips were millimeters from hers. "Tell me," he breathed. "Did Krum kiss you tonight?"
"No," Hermione whispered. "He was a perfect gentleman."
His lips curved in a possessive smile. "Good," he said. "Because I'm not." He slanted his lips over hers roughly, capturing her mouth in a bruising kiss. There was nothing in his mind but the taste of her lips, the way her body felt against his. There was a slight pain as she pulled at his hair, which he responded to with a slight nip.
It was a long while before they parted, both breathing harder than they had before. "How long are you here for?" asked Hermione, moving some papers so that she could sit properly on the desk.
Severus reached a hand up and stroked her cheek. "The night," he replied. "And you? When do you leave for the continent?"
Hermione rolled her neck back with a series of small popping sounds. "Tomorrow afternoon, I think," she said with satisfaction. "Could I spend the night?"
"If you would like to," he told her. "I would certainly like you to. We need to talk about how the school year is going to go. Establish boundaries, and such."
Hermione sighed. "You'd think with the end of our world as we know it approaching, with this war all around us and looming in the future, you'd be less concerned about boundaries," she muttered. "What if I die a virgin tomorrow?"
"If you want sex, we can do sex," Severus said, crossing his arms and glaring at her. "I thought we weren't doing sex for a reason. If there is no reason, I know a certain appendage of mine would love to ravish you right here and now." It was true- there was a tent in his pants that Hermione had felt making an appearance when he had been kissing her.
Hermione groaned, kicking off her shoes and letting them clatter to the floor. "We do have reasons," she said, sighing. "But can we at least- well, if not sex right away, start working up to that? Slowly?"
Severus raised an eyebrow. "Working up to it? And how slowly?"
There was a long moment when Hermione thought, chewing on her lower lip. "Let's set a start date. If nothing goes wrong until then, my birthday. September 19. It'll be a Thursday this year."
"And what will we do on your birthday, September 19, a Thursday?" asked Severus, moving closer to her once again. He kissed the side of her neck, sucking gently at her pulse. "Where do you want to start?"
"We'll figure it out," Hermione said definitively. "Plans. We have a plan."
Severus chuckled. "And you like plans."
Hermione grinned at him. "I do. And now I'd like to plan for other things, in something more comfortable. Now that you've seen me in the dress, can I borrow a shirt? To sleep in. Just for the night of course."
That assertion was met with a snort. "So you say every time, I'm sure, but that has nothing to do with the number of tee shirts that have mysteriously disappeared from my drawers. I don't have so many that I wouldn't notice, you know," he said, kneeling at the wardrobe to rummage through his meager collection of non-dress shirts. "Here. Don't you have your own night clothes upstairs?"
Hermione smiled sweetly at him, and took the shirt. "Yes. Unzip me, please?"
She hopped off the desk, turning to present her back to him. Without ceremony, he drew the metal zipper down her back, then stepped away and turned his back, presumably to freshen the linens. Hermione sighed and stepped out of the dress, pulling the shirt over her head. He was tall enough that it fell almost two inches above her knee.
"I'm decent," she told him teasingly. "You can stop pretending to fluff pillows now." She folded her dress and placed it over his chair.
What Hermione was not expecting were the strong arms that came around her waist, lifting her into the air before setting her down on the bed. He followed her quickly, ducking down to kiss her. "That was for being annoying earlier," he told her loftily. "I have to make use of my superior strength when I can."
Hermione stuck her tongue out at him. "We need a date with the practice room when school starts up again," she told him. "Let's see who can take who by surprise then."
Severus kissed her again. "It's a date, then," he said. "What other planning did we have to do?"
And so ends Chapter 52.
So, sorry I've been gone to so long. I have an explanation, I promise.
First of all: I'm now dating my roommate. The girl I've been best friends with for the past year and a half? Yeah, turns out we love each other and we also are sexually attracted to each other so why not give dating a chance? It's a highly closeted relationship for now (because our campus is conservative as fuck - literally the other day someone who lives in the same house as us was giving us his homophobic rant) but it's amazing and gah I love her so much and ahhh sex is awesome. So many new things. Also, a lot of my free time is now taken up by making out. Be happy that your friendly local writer is now getting some. It's mostly sunshine and rainbows, but there's also the whole "yikes I didn't know I was this into girls" and "yikes how do I have sex with a girl" and "yikes what will my fam say" and "yikes my best friend is now my secret lover who do i talk to about this?" occasionally so advice is welcome.
Also, school is getting busy. My article is finally done, but I'm upping my volunteer hours, I'm studying abroad again this spring, I'm organizing events, I'm dealing with bullshit, and oh dear lord am I busy. So next update will be a while .
Here is your excerpt:
Severus stiffened, narrowing his eyes at her. "You have a plot," he said, his voice wary. "How long have you been cooking up this one?"
Hermione shrugged uncomfortably. "Not very long," she admitted. "I wanted you to help me iron out the kinks, so to speak."
So, long story short, I now have a really amazing girlfriend and there was a lot of angst but I'm in a happy place and am making an effort to write more. Still, busy, so next update will be a while. Thanks to everyone who's stuck in here.
Review! And check out my other stories!