Note: No worries, this isn't a 'go crazy' chapter. I actually had an easier time improvising this time around. Enjoy!
Date: Early to mid January
Sorry about the last entry. Depression does that to me sometimes. And given what has happened to me the last couple of years, when depression hits me now, it now tends to hit very hard. Like sometimes, it drives me to drink more then usual.
As for what has happened lately, well. Nothing exciting. Still working on finding whoever it is I'm tracking, I havn't been able to contact my team because the connection has been fuzzy, so I have no idea what's up. Except for my hidden source who's giving me updates me my agent- in- training.
It sounds like he's really struggling. I feel for him. Training is not the easiest thing to pass, and the kind of training I had to go through was very intense! Most days, I was sore all over to the point where I could barely walk! Thankfully, he has his caring wife for support, I hardly had anyone.
I've been talking with my soldier friend, he's really helpful with the occasional depression thing.
Some days, I feel great, and some days, like the past few, I feel really un confident. Like, I feel like I'll be here forever, like I'll never go home. Or if I do, it'll be in either a bag or on a stretcher. Sigh.
This whole 'secret mission' thing can be so taxing. Most especially the 'being away from my team' part, And the limited communication part. I know what I'm doing is important, but at the same time, can be really challenging on me and my mentality.
The past couple of years, I've hardly spent any time with my team. Even during the times I was home and not off doing something, I was hardly with them because I was dealing with personal issues! I was hoping to have spent time with them last summer, but well, something came up. And now I'm stuck here for who knows how long.
I guess you can say, I'm scared. Scared that I won't be able to spend much time with my people before I either have to go away again, or get too injured to do anything, or worse, end up dead.
They are my people. And I want to actually be their leader instead of this long distance thing. I'm tired of having to find substitutes, and I'm sure they're tired of it as well.
I hope things get better soon. I need to be with my people.
Time to go, got an update.
Endnote: Hetty will be in next week's episode, so I'll definitely have some good material then!