Note: I'm really missing Hetty and Callen scenes. And I think it's very depressing that she and Callen appear to have not talked to each other once this Season!
Date: Mid February. Still busy as always.
A case came up for my team today, and I couldn't call them in my usual way, so I had to send a cryptic message instead.
On to more personal things.
I dreamed about my top agent last night. I dreamed that we were talking, and having tea, and he was talking about his girlfriend. It seemed peaceful, until I woke up and saw that I was dreaming.
I know I sound like I just brood a lot, but when you're overseas, can only talk on secure lines or through cryptic messages, and has been on a spy mission for a few months, you think a lot of things. And when you've been absent a lot more then you want for the past couple of years, you think some, you think some, very brooding thoughts.
And today, I'm thinking that I really miss having casual conversations with my team. The only times I can talk to them now is to give them a case to work on.
Do I have someone to talk to about these feelings? Yes, but he's not around all the time, and I sometimes worry that I sound too much like a depressed person, or that I'm too brooding.
As you can probably tell, the last few years have been very mentally tough on me.
Somedays, I wonder just how much more of it I can handle. Like, how much more loneliness, or being away from my team for unknown periods of time can I handle, before I just completely snap, or have a huge meltdown in either private or public?
Today, is not that day.
I'm going to try to see if I can contact someone on my team later. Not to talk about work, but to just talk.
Time to get back to work.
Endnote: Another 3 week hiatus.