Note: Early Season 9 info from TV Guide said that part of Hetty's reason for disappearing was to try and get over losing Granger.
Date: Either February or March, Hard to tell anymore.
I've been, sort of busy these last couple of days. But, things have been a bit slow with the 'negotiating'.
I was out getting food, then one of the soldiers in my squad decided to talk to me.
It was about ordinary stuff, then he asked me this: 'Why do you really do these kind of dangerous missions? Is it because you have to do them, or because you want to?'
I was going to say that these are important missions, but, I was suddenly stumped, on how to answer.
A few years ago, I went to Vietnam not just because I wanted to, but. Also because I was trying to, get over missing Owen.
Then almost a year later, I disappear for many more months. Then I was not around the office so much without any explanation, Now this. Already going on 4 months, I think.
Why do I keep doing all these missions? Why do I keep disappearing from my team?
To tell the truth, I don't think it's just because I either have to or want to, I think it's also because, I'm trying to hide from my grief and how I feel after going through so much emotional and physical trauma that 1 year.
If this sounds confusing, well, it is. Deep down inside, I know I'll always miss him, and dangerous missions won't change anything. Frankly, I've been trying to figure out the other real reason myself myself for a long time.
I've gone back and forth between 'loneliness' and 'trying to hide emotional issues', but now. I just don't know anymore.
I've now whittled it down to who I am: I've been doing this stuff most of my life, I don't know any other life other then this job, I protect the people I love, and when they need my help, I do everything I can to help them, even if it means putting my own life at risk.
In a way, I guess this means I'm what people would call a 'tragic hero'.
Then again, maybe my whole team is a bunch of tragic heroes, nah.
Well, I think it's time to go.
Endnotes: TV Guide said that Hetty is somehow involved in next week's episode, so the next chapter could potentially be a big one!