Chapter rewrite complete

I wandered around the house aimlessly, trying to keep my head on straight. My anxiety was at an all-time high as I thought about the conversation I had to have with Danny later. I was really regretting making such a big decision so early in the day- all it did was give me more time to freak out about it.

Judging by the amount of cursing I'd heard when I walked past Jazz's room, it would be hours before she let Danny go. Jazz always believed that if she was going to bother with doing something, then she would do a damn good job of it. Danny wasn't going to leave that room until he demonstated mastery over the concepts they'd been studying.

I wasn't convinced that was a good thing. It just left me with more time to spend alone with my thoughts. There were so many things to think about and so many ways things could go. If I stopped to really think about it for too long, I started to feel light headed. It felt like I was in a trance, barely aware of what I was doing.

Much to Maddie's surprise, I deep cleaned the kitchen, even managing to successfully seperate predator from prey in the fridge. The funny thing is, I don't really remember doing it, I was just keeping my hands busy and trying to keep my anxiety from getting any worse. Granny had taught me to keep my hands busy when I got anxious, and it had apparently become an automatic response.

Eventually, I found myself flipping through TV channels, stress eating cookies I'd found while cleaning. I definitely wasn't ready for this conversation, but I wasn't going to back out. Danny needed clarity and it was my turn to help him.

My life had changed so much over the course of just a few days, and things were about to change again. All I could do was hope this change would be much less traumatizing.

It was after five before Danny finally came downstairs.

"You know, Jazz is a great teacher, but she's a little too obsessed with perfection."

I didn't respond, all I could do was stare at him as he walked to the kitchen for a drink.

"You okay, Sam? You're kind of staring."

"Yeah, I'm fine." My face was on fire as I turned away from him. Danny had never caught me staring at him before.

"Okay." He was worried, I could see it on his face. He turned to go back upstairs. "You coming?"

I nodded and followed him up the stairs. The idea of being alone with him in his room was terrifying, but I didn't want to talk about the kiss out in the open. I steeled myself as the door closed behind us, wondering whether or not I really had to do this now.

I had to. If I kept putting it off, it would never happen.

"You sure you're okay? You know I love your. uniqueness, but this is weird even for you."

"I'm okay." The dizziness was coming back and it was getting hard to breathe. I sat down on the bed, afraid I'd pass out if I tried to keep standing.

"What's going on, Sam?" He clearly wasn't buying that I was okay. I couldn't blame him. I wouldn't even look him in the eye.

"I... fuck. I want to talk the kiss." Words were hard.

"Wow. Okay, um... Sorry, I just didn't expect this so soon." Danny's hand went to the back of his neck. At least I wasn't the only one feeling nervous. "Look, Sam, I understand if it was just a spur of the moment thing that didn't mean anything and it's totally okay if that's the case, I just need to know."

He was tripping over his words and suddenly I wasn't the only one incapable of making eye contact. Was it possible that he was scared it meant nothing?

"I... I mean... It was a spur of the moment thing, but... I... it wasn't meaningless. I don't know how or when but somewhere along the line... I mean... look... I think I love you." My voice went quiet. Words that had been bouncing around my head for the longest time were finally out in the open and they couldn't ever go back to being unspoken.

"What was that?" He sounded happy, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"I love you," I spoke louder. Somehow, it was easier the second time around.

Danny wrapped his arms around me. "I love you, too." He hugged me tightly, while my brain was busy just trying to keep up with what was going on. "Sam, you have no idea how happy this makes me."

"Really?" I muttered. I couldn't believe this was really happening. He hadn't rejected me. He hadn't laughed me out of the room or responded with disgust. He wanted me even after what Dash had done. He loved me.

"Really. I just didn't say anything because I was scared of running you off. I don't know what I would do without you, Sam."

"I don't know what I would do without you either."

Danny finally released me from his bear hug and all we could do was smile. He interlocked his fingers with mine and reality started to set in.

"I guess we're together now?"

"If that's what you want, Sam. We don't have to rush into anything."

"I mean, I do want it, I just don't know if I'm ready after what happened. Relationship stuff is scary right now."

"That's okay. We can move at our own pace. If all you want to do is snuggle and hold hands, then that's all I need."

"Are you sure? It might be a while before..." I trailed off, not really sure what I was even trying to say.

"It's okay, I promise. All I want is for you to be happy."

"Okay." I smiled up at him. It was hard to believe this was real. I put his arm around my shoulders, leaning my head against his chest.

Danny chuckled a little. "It's a good thing we never made any bets with Tucker. He's going to give us shit as it is."

I laughed. He was right. Tucker was never going to let us hear the end of it.

I tried to relax into his chest, but a new fear struck me. There were really only two ways this relationship could end. We'd either get married one day or break up. What if this didn't work out? I could lose him entirely. Danny was my best friend and I couldn't afford to lose him. Tucker was a great friend, but I'd never been as close to him as I was Danny.

Even if things did work out, eventually things would get physical and that was a whole different scary thing. We would kiss again at some point and it would be a real kiss, not just a stupid fake-out make-out. He would kiss me and mean it. Eventually, we'd probably end up going much farther, or at least trying to. What if I was never able to let him touch me sexually? Would Danny really be happy being with me if I could never share that kind of bond with him?

"You okay?" He always was good at reading me.

"I'm just scared of losing you if this doesn't work out."

"You're never going to lose me, Sam, no matter what. Even if this goes down in flames, I'll still be your friend. I could never replace you."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. If this works out, then it'll be the most amazing thing in my life. If not, then it'll be something to laugh about later."

I couldn't bring myself to tell him about my other fears, the ones centered around sex. It would be a while before we approached that point and maybe by then it wouldn't be so scary. There was a chance it could end up ruining our relationship, but I wasn't going to let fear stop me from trying to make this work. No one said I had to be miserable until I finished healing. I deserved a little happiness, and being with Danny was something I'd been dreaming about for much longer than I cared to admit. He said we could move at our pace and he wasn't the type of person to say something he didn't mean, not when it came to important stuff.

"I love you, Sam. I mean it. You mean more to me than you will ever know."

"I love you, too." I smiled up at him. He always did know how to calm me down. "Do we have to tell everyone right away?"

"Not if you don't want to. It's no one else's business. People might figure it out, but we don't have to comfirm it."

"Okay. I just want a little time to adjust. This is a lot of big stuff happening all at once."

"Whatever you want, Sam. You call the shots."

When we fell asleep that night, the nightmares came back, but Danny was always there to save me before too long. They were far from pleasant, but Danny always appeared in my dreams before the worst of it. I always knew that Danny would protect me whenever he could, but once we actually admitted our feelings to each other, I felt safer than I ever had before.

Danny was the key to picking up the broken pieces of my mind. I could do a lot of the work myself, but I needed Danny to help me remember what it safety felt like.

And we've reached the end of the first story arc. There are several more to come and from this point we're looking at mostly original writing instead of just mostly rewriting old stuff. Believe me, we're in for one hell of a ride. Judging by how long this thing already is, I'm guessing we'll hit at least the 100,000 word mark.

Comments and feedback are always welcome!

Invisible One