Chapter Four: Just A Kiss
The beginning of July brought the accident that changed all of their lives forever. Finn was in a car accident, and had passed away. They were all in shock. Especially Rachel and Kurt. Kurt had finally had a family, and now part of it was gone. Kurt didn't know how to get through this. Blaine was being great. Kurt couldn't do this without him. He had taken some time off work, even though they were short staffed. Kurt didn't know how to feel this. It was too big a loss. Kurt hadn't left his place in a month. It was now August and almost time for his boyfriend to go back to work. Kurt hadn't really been letting him in a lot, he didn't know how to handle that. If he let Blaine in, then he'd have to admit that it had happened, and that wasn't something that he was prepared to do. Kurt was lying on the couch, watching something stupid on television. He wasn't really sure what it was. Something that Finn had used to like. Thinking of him in past tense was incredibly strange. He heard the doorbell, and wondered who it was. He got up. Kurt was still in his pjs, and he had showered but his hair was limp and he hadn't done anything to it. When he opened the door, he found his father. "Dad?" He asked. Kurt hadn't been expecting him.
Burt mostly didn't blame Kurt for still being locked in his house. The loss was still a bit of a shock. Especially since Finn had been so young. Still under 25. It just wasn't fair. Burt missed him too. "Well, are you going to let me in, kiddo?" He asked, and Kurt stepped back. Burt was very surprised to see the place wasn't cleaned to within an inch of its life. Even when Kurt had been grieving for his mother, he had kept his room clean. Burt was really not sure what made this different. Burt wasn't a neat freak, but he picked up a few things as he followed Kurt to the living room. His son curled back up on the couch. He was watching a rerun of American Chopper, one of Finn's favorite shows. Kurt really didn't like it. Burt thought it was just an easy way for him to connect. Burt carried the dishes to the kitchen and started the dishwasher. Burt was mostly there to talk, and one of the subjects was Blaine. The boy was starting to retreat into himself again because he didn't have Kurt anymore. They were technically still dating, but he hadn't spoken to Blaine in two weeks. Burt thought that Kurt should let him in.
"What are you doing here, Dad?" Kurt asked. He was sure that he didn't want a lecture right now. Kurt was aware that he had to start living again. He knew that. Kurt right now didn't really care. Things weren't fair. He was finding himself angry at God all over again. What kind of God would take his brother from him like that? Who was so young and was married with children? It just wasn't right. Kurt watched as his father straightened up some more. "I was fine with it messy, Dad." Kurt commented, not sure why his dad was so concerned with how clean it was. Right now he just couldn't care.
"I know that you're still grieving. We all are." Burt said, clearing his throat. Burt sat down on the armchair and turned off the television. It was serious talk time. He ignored his son's protests. "Look, Kurt, I know this is hard. I know that. It's death and it's never easy. But you haven't spoken to Blaine in two weeks. I don't know if you're trying to push him away, but he needs you just as much as you need him. I may have been skeptical of this relationship at first, but it's the right thing for both of you. You are right for each other. This is something that I have been waiting for you to have since you broke up with that Trip asshole." Burt had wanted to kill that kid.
That surprised him. Kurt hadn't expected that. He had expected to hear that he should get back to work and stop wallowing. Not about his relationship with Blaine, which Kurt wasn't even sure that Burt had been behind. Kurt supposed that that was a good thing. That his dad was behind his relationship. If you could call it that anymore. He wasn't sure that you could. Kurt hadn't talked to him in awhile. "Dad, I appreciate your concern, I do. But I can handle my own love life." Kurt ignored the Trip comment, mostly because he felt the same. "I am sure that Blaine understands." Kurt actually wasn't sure that that was true. Kurt was sure that Blaine was probably upset. Kurt felt guilty. He should be trying harder with Blaine. Kurt knew that Blaine was putting himself out there with him. Kurt really had to be more mindful of that. Kurt had to be better with him. Kurt was being a terrible boyfriend and he knew it. Kurt was going to have to do something. "Dad, it's not like I can help it. My brother is dead." Kurt just couldn't help himself. He was going to end up losing Blaine too, and he couldn't handle that right now. There was just something about his dad reprimanding him.
Burt fixed him with a glare. He knew that Kurt was dealing with a lot, but so was Blaine. Burt wasn't here on Blaine's say so, either. He was here on his own volition. Blaine would be very upset if he knew Burt was here. He couldn't believe how selfish Kurt was being right now. It was so unlike him. Burt adjusted his cap and looked at him. "I can't believe that you're being this selfish right now, Kurt. Blaine is your boyfriend and he needs you. You are a mother hen. That's what you do. You need to at least call Blaine. You need to work through this together. You need to be leaning on each other. Right now is the time to do so. If you can't lean on each other, who can you lean on?" Burt really wanted Kurt and Blaine to work things out. Blaine had never had a boyfriend before. He had chosen Kurt. And Kurt would be really good for him, too. Burt just hated that Kurt was pushing him away right now. That was not good. Blaine deserved all of Kurt. "You need to be the kind of man that Blaine needs." Burt told him. "You have to let him be there for you. He wants to be. He's tried to call you, you know. And you haven't responded. You have been holed up in here and you've been grieving, but you have to start getting back to your life now."
It was frustrating because Kurt knew that he was right. Kurt had been incredibly selfish. "Dad, I know that you're right…" He hedged. Kurt sighed. There was going to be no end to this conversation until he admitted that he was wrong. Kurt was wrong, and he knew it. He briefly wondered if Blaine had asked him to come. That was curious. Kurt reached for his wine glass. He was drinking a bit more than usual. Kurt was sure that it was a bad idea. He was sure that h was going to turn into an alcoholic if he didn't stop. Kurt finished the wine in there and then leaned back on the couch. "I will call him, okay? I promise." Kurt really hoped that his dad would go now. Kurt loved his dad, he really did. But seeing him right now was reminding him of Finn, and he really couldn't handle that. Kurt was reminded of him a lot lately. Kurt really hoped that would stop soon. At least, till he could handle it. Kurt wondered when that would happen. "I will call him asap." He promised. Burt was still sitting there. Was he going to sit there until he called Blaine? Kurt sighed and picked up his cell phone. He texted Blaine, to tell him that he wanted to see him. Kurt didn't expect to hear back.
It was vibrating on the table. His phone. Blaine was hanging out in the living room, Olivia was making sure that Aimee was behaving. She was coloring on the floor. Blaine was reading. He'd taken to staying at home since Kurt had stopped calling and texting. Blaine supposed he understood why, but he still didn't like it. He wanted Kurt to contact him. Blaine really missed him. He always wanted to see him. Blaine really missed him. He always wanted to see him. Blaine ran his hand over his hair. He missed Kurt more than he'd ever missed anyone. Blaine ran his hand over the page of his book. Blaine picked up the phone and looked at it. Hey baby, I'd love to see you. The text was all he'd wanted for two weeks now, and he was wanting to ignore it. Blaine ran his thumb over the keypad, as if debating, and then decided to ignore it. Olivia looked at him. Blaine looked back at her. "I am not going to text him back, Olivia." Blaine told her defiantly. Blaine turned his gaze back to his book. He was catching up on Stephen King. Blaine ran his hand over his leg as he did his best to ignore Olivia, who was still staring at him. "He hasn't been contacting me lately, and I am not happy with him. I can't do what he wants. Not right now." Blaine really wasn't in the mood to listen to Kurt making excuses. Blaine wasn't going to get hurt again. And that was what was going to happen.
"This is a shit time for both of you." She said. Olivia didn't really know how any of them could handle anymore hurt. And she did understand why Blaine was so upset. Blaine had been opening himself up to Kurt, and he had begun pulling away. Olivia thought it was incredibly hard. She just thought that it was the worst time for Blaine to start being pissy with Kurt. Right now Kurt needed him as much as Blaine needed Kurt. Olivia really thought now was the time they needed to be relying on each other. Olivia hadn't seen Rachel in awhile, either, but that wasn't a shock. Olivia cast her blue eyed gaze o Aimee, who was still quietly playing. She looked back to Blaine. "Look, right now is not the time to be pissy with Kurt. You shouldn't break up with him right now. After you lose someone is not the time to make major decisions. You have to wait. Let things play out. You are finally happy. Maybe not right now, but you were. And that is worth something. Whether you want to admit it or not. You and Kurt are supposed to work things out, Blaine. And I'm not just saying that because I want you to. I really believe it. You two have a real chance, you just have to work at it."
Blaine listened, but he stubbornly kept his gaze on his book. He wasn't going to text Kurt back. Not right now. Let him worry like Blaine had been. He hadn't been able to sleep with worry for him. Blaine had gone over, too, and Kurt hadn't let him in. Blaine had started to give up. He was tired of trying and being rejected. It was more than he could handle. Blaine wasn't setting himself up for rejection anymore. He couldn't handle it. His first love was not supposed to go this way. Blaine was supposed to be happy. It just wasn't happening. Blaine didn't blame Kurt completely, though. He knew that Kurt couldn't help what had happened to Finn. Blaine didn't blame him for being so upset. He was sure if he lost Puck he'd be just as upset. Blaine sighed and still kept to himself. He hadn't been leaving the house often. Blaine got up and went to his room. He didn't want to be with them anymore. His phone began vibrating with a call. Blaine was not surprised to see it was Kurt. He debated not picking up, and then he did. "You've got a lot of nerve." He said in lieu of a hello. Blaine didn't stop there. "You haven't tried to contact me in two weeks. I have been worried about you. I didn't even know if you were alive or dead! How am I supposed to forgive you? I am your boyfriend, Kurt."
Once Kurt could get in a word edgewise, he apologized. "I'm sorry, Blaine. I really am. I haven't been handling things well. I know that." Kurt said. He didn't know what else to say. He had been wrong. Kurt wasn't being a good boyfriend. He wasn't even sure he'd blame him if he wanted to break up. Kurt was not supposed to be treating him this way. He let out a breath. "I don't blame you if you want to break up. I should have been filling you in. I should have been trusting you. I'm sorry I wasn't. I just… I've been having a hard time." Kurt wasn't sure what else to say to defend what he had done. Kurt had been terrible to Blaine lately. Kurt wasn't sure that he deserved him. Not right now. He was sure that Blaine could move on and find anyone better suited for him. Kurt was shit right now. And he knew that. Kurt's eyes were filling with tears. The words that were bubbling up were killing him to say. "Blaine, maybe we should take a break." As he said it, his heart broke in a thousand pieces. Kurt didn't want to take a break, but it was what was best for Blaine right now. If Burt knew he was doing this, he would kill him. "I can't be what you need right now."
With those words, Blaine's heart broke into a million tiny pieces. He had never thought that this would happen. At least not too soon. Blaine hadn't really thought that he was good enough for Kurt to want to be with long term. Blaine had to take several deep breaths before he could speak again. "What? Are you saying you want to… to break up?" His heart was never going to be the same again. Kurt was his first boyfriend, the first person that he had trusted enough to date. Kurt was.. Blaine thought he could really fall for him. Blaine thought he might already love him. "Kurt…. please." Blaine said, his voice breaking. Blaine was feeling the room starting to spin, he was going to pass out or have a panic attack. He had not expected this when he'd called him. Blaine took several deep breaths, sticking his head between his legs. "I can't believe that you're doing this. And over the phone! Do you think that I'm not strong enough to help you through what you're going through? I have been through hell and back! I… I am not saying that…. that what you're going through isn't hell, but I've been through just as bad. Or worse. I can't…. I can't just… I can't just let go knowing that you're going through this! I will worry about you… I will die not knowing if you're okay. Don't do this."
All of his words stabbed Kurt in the heart. He really hated himself right now for what he had to do. Kurt just knew that he couldn't go through this and worry about Blaine, too. Kurt really wasn't himself right now, and he knew it. Kurt knew too that he would regret this later. He couldn't believe that he had to do this. It was killing him. Especially when he thought of what Blaine might do. But Kurt couldn't control that. It was out of his hands, as much as he would worry. Kurt let out a shaky breath. He didn't want to do this, but he had to. It was what needed to be done. "Blaine… I can't…. I can't… I can't deal with all that I have to deal with and your stuff too." He hated himself as soon as the words were out. Kurt really wanted to take them back as soon as they were out, because he knew how much they would hurt Blaine. He knew that it would be the same as if he'd punched him in the gut. Kurt's eyes were flowing with tears. This was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do. Kurt would hate himself forever for doing it. "It's…. it's not a breakup, okay? It's just… a break." Kurt knew that was just a technicality. It was a breakup. Blaine's first one, and he hated that it was him causing it.
The world spun, and Blaine was dangerously close to passing out. "Kurt, if you do this, if you push me away, then that's it. It's a breakup." He said, his voice stronger than he actually felt. Blaine sighed, tears brushing his eyes. "I am not going to sit and wait, and worry about you. I don't care right now if you like it or not." Blaine knew that he would later. This was all just anger and shock. Definitely hurt. His heart was pounding out of his chest, and his eyes were so full of tears he could hardly see. Blaine took a few deep breaths, but a panic attack was coming. He didn't say anymore, because he couldn't. Blaine hung up, and fell to his knees on the floor, struggling to breathe. He couldn't, but he did manage to yell out for Olivia. "Liv!" He yelled, as he grabbed at his chest, willing his heart to calm down. It just wasn't happening. Blaine closed his eyes, and just let himself feel. Blaine felt like his whole world was ending again. Like his whole world was crashing down around his ears. Blaine thought of the knife in his bedside table drawer. He kept it there for protection, even though he knew that he didn't need it anymore. Blaine managed to make it to the drawer, and slid the knife out. He wasn't really aware of what he was doing as he slid it along the skin of his wrists.
One year later
The sun was high in the August sky. Kurt was leaving work. He and Blaine hadn't seen each other in a year. Kurt didn't even know if he was okay. Kurt had known about the suicide attempt, but when he'd called to ask if Blaine had wanted him there, Puck had told him to stay the fuck away. Against his better judgment, he had. Kurt hadn't been able to handle the idea of losing Blaine anyway. Kurt knew he was still on the rez, and he hadn't left it very often. Blaine was working out there now. Kurt knew that Blaine didn't leave the reservation just from the talk of a small town. Kurt didn't really know if he had a right to go and talk to him. He was getting ready to go to Luke's, even though he wasn't really welcome there. Kurt wasn't one to bitch about that, he had been wrong. He had broken Blaine's heart. He had been the one to be an asshole and he regretted it to this day. Kurt arrived at Luke's in record time, and when he got there, he recognized Blaine's truck. That was surprising. Kurt wondered what he was doing here, even though he knew Blaine had every right to be. Kurt was the intruder here. When he got inside, he was surprised to find Blaine with a baby.
Blaine could tell the minute Kurt walked in because the entire diner looked at him. Blaine's curls hung in his eyes as he looked back. He wasn't going to let Kurt being here get to him. Blaine was the one who had been hurt. He kept his hazel eyes on them, and then his met blue ones. Blaine took a deep breath as he met those blue irises. His free hand ran over the scar on his wrist. He had identical ones. Blaine didn't let himself think about that night very often. It was too painful. Blaine looked away, and turned back to his child. She was half Native American and half white. She was tiny, only a month old. Blaine and the mother were together. Quinn Fabray. She was in the bathroom. Blaine smiled at Beth, who was deeply asleep. He and Quinn both had hazel eyes, so Beth had them. Her skin was like mocha with a touch of milk, and her hair was golden brown. Blaine was completely in love with her. She was gorgeous. Blaine didn't regret being with Quinn. She was a beautiful girl and he really cared about her. Blaine knew that not all of his problems were going to be gone, but he was still glad he had her. Blaine watched her as she came out of the bathroom and headed back to their booth. Blaine kept his eyes on the diner until everyone went back to their meals and Kurt got a booth. Blaine's hazel eyes met Quinn's. "I'm sorry about that." Quinn was new here, in the last year.
Quinn wasn't surprised that everyone looked at her when Kurt appeared. Quinn wasn't sure what to say when she joined her fiancé at his table. She was glad that she had Blaine, he was incredibly hot. And caring, and sweet. And he was so selfish. Quinn ran her hand along the menu. She felt completely accepted in here. It was probably because of it being in Blaine's family. Quinn also knew that a lot of people in Raleigh had taken Blaine's side in the whole debacle with Kurt, too. Quinn thought they should have, Kurt had been going through a loss, but it had still been wrong of him. Quinn was still trying to put him back together. She had met him the night he'd tried to kill himself. She had been a new nurse on duty. Quinn had come here to get away from her parents. Her dad wasn't exactly anything but a douche, and her mother didn't care about her at all. That was just something Quinn was used to. She loved being with Blaine, he actually cared about her. Quinn tucked her long blonde hair behind her ear. She still thought it was kind of amazing that they'd forgotten the condom and had gotten pregnant. Quinn wasn't usually so careless. She touched Blaine's hand. "You okay?"
"I'm fine, baby." Blaine replied. He had been very surprised to have feelings for a girl, because he'd thought he'd been gay. Blaine had gotten drunk, and called her. A few nights after he'd gotten home from the hospital. Blaine hadn't really been expected to have sex with her, it had just kind of happened. Blaine had really enjoyed it too, he hadn't flipped out at all. Blaine didn't really know why that was, and he didn't know that he wanted to think too much about it. Blaine was sure that he would freak out if he thought about it too much. Blaine and Quinn were living together, too. Blaine's house was fully finished. He'd had to decorate without Kurt's help. Blaine had tried to ignore the voice that sounded a lot like Kurt in his head when he was picking out things. Blaine didn't want his opinion anymore on anything. Blaine couldn't keep Kurt off his mind though. Kurt's blue eyes were constantly on his mind, even when he was with his daughter. Blaine loved her so much. Her golden brown hair was curls, just like his. She was beautiful. Blaine flipped open the menu. Not that he really needed to look at it. He gave her a weary smile. "I am fine, really. I'm sorry that you had to deal with the stares… small town." And it's not like he left the rez often anymore. It was too much, dealing with all the stares. It was stressful.
Deciding that she wanted a bowl of chili and a salad, she closed the menu. It had been a little hard for people to adjust to them being together. Quinn hadn't minded though. He was hers and that wasn't going to change. It was still crazy to her how it had been so good and quick between them. Quinn hadn't been expecting that. He had called, and she'd been very surprised. Quinn had been glad though, she was still getting to know people here. It had been nice to have someone to hang out with. Quinn sipped her water and cast her glance at Beth. Aimee loved her little cousin. They got along well. Beth always lit up when she saw Aimee. "It's not your fault, baby. You didn't ask to be dumped like that. You were trying to be a good boyfriend and you were tossed aside like leftovers." Quinn didn't hate, or at least, she tried not to, but she really didn't like Kurt for hurting her fiancé. He had a lot of other hurt anyway, but what Kurt had done was really not helpful. There was a whole host of new scars that he had now because of that. Quinn cast her glance to Kurt when Blaine leaned to check on Beth. She didn't know how he could come in here so brazenly.
The feel of eyes on him was strong. Kurt did his best to ignore them. He knew coming in here had been a bad idea. Kurt settled in at his booth, trying to relax. It wasn't exactly easy. Kurt didn't really know if he should stay. Luke might even refuse to serve him. He was torn. What should he do? It was so hard to know what was right. Kurt sank down at the booth a little, as if he was sinking under everyone's gaze. Kurt really didn't know how to get used to people hating him. And he wasn't even sure if they did. Everyone wasn't exactly up front about it. They were Southern, it was all under a veil. Kurt pulled out the book he'd brought with him, to begin reading. Kurt was going to get tomato soup and grilled cheese. It was his favorite. Kurt thought it was probably a bad idea on a hot day like today, but he couldn't help it. It was good. Kurt wasn't really sure where to go from here. He still had Rachel, but she… well, she was still grieving. She didn't talk to him often. Kurt and Burt's relationship was still solid, but the older man had given him hell for breaking up with Blaine. Kurt still got an 'I told you so' every once in awhile. Kurt had to admit, he felt guilty that he didn't know Blaine was taken. And a father. Granted, Blaine wasn't in town a lot, but still. It was a small town.
"You've got a lot of nerve." Olivia was there helping out that day, Aimee was at a friend's on a playdate. Since Puck was working. Olivia wasn't one to keep her feelings to herself. She couldn't throw him out, at least, not without Luke's okay, but she really didn't have to be nice to him. She wasn't going to be, either. "You are in enemy territory. You really shock me. I thought you'd be good for Blainers. I really did. But you crushed him. Do you know what he did the night you dumped him?" This was of course a pointless question, because he did. "You left him broken and trying to kill himself. If I hadn't been there, I shudder to think about what would have happened. You were going through a shitty thing. I get that. But Blaine… he was trying to be there for you. He was trying so hard to have a normal relationship. You broke him. I can't… when I think of what you did my blood boils. You really have a lot of nerve coming in here." Olivia really couldn't help herself from speaking her mind. Everyone in the diner was looking at them. Olivia paid them no mind. "I can't make you leave, but you should think twice about coming in here."
The words stung. Kurt would be lying if he said it didn't. Kurt couldn't even really defend his actions, either. He had been so wrong. Kurt's eyes brushed with tears. "I'm… I am so sorry if you expect me to defend myself. I can't. Blaine should be moving on. He should be trying to be happy. I don't deserve him." Kurt wiped his cheek. "I don't know how to fix it. I wish I could make it easier. But I can't. It's just out of my hands. I'll never be able to take it back. I hurt him, after he'd been hurt so many times before. It's…. it's completely deplorable. I can't do anything and it kills me." Kurt didn't know how to stop the pain. He really didn't. "So if you're trying to make me feel guilty, you don't have to worry. I am already there. I will never stop being there. Your love for Blaine is admirable. I am glad he has you. But you don't need to do this. I am already in hell constantly. I can't… I can't handle all the constant scrutiny. I am not going to stop living my life just because I feel guilty. I don't know how to change anything. I could only say I'm sorry and that isn't going to do anything." Kurt wiped his eyes, he really didn't know how to change anything. He really hated this. Should he go? Take his food to go? Go somewhere else? Kurt couldn't decide. He didn't know that he should leave, he didn't want to set a precedent. It would lend them to think he'd go along.
"Are you serious?" Blaine exploded. He felt guilty? He should! This was really too much. He hadn't planned on saying anything. But he couldn't help himself. That was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Blaine didn't know how Kurt could be so incredibly infuriating at times. Blaine didn't know how to keep all of his anger in. "You should feel guilty! You were my first real relationship and you broke up with me when you couldn't deal. What am I supposed to do with that? You…. I could have really fallen for you, Kurt. And you hurt me." Blaine didn't really know how the rest of this conversation would go. He didn't know how to extricate himself. Blaine couldn't handle this. He'd been upset but now he was regretting this. Blaine tugged on Olivia's arm. "Come on, Liv. Just let it go. It doesn't matter what you say." Blaine didn't want to talk about this anymore. He was tired of thinking about Kurt. He was on Blaine's mind constantly. Blaine couldn't do that anymore. It was the opposite of being happy with Quinn. Which he was. She loved him and accepted him.
All of those hit like a knife to his chest. Kurt didn't know how to take any of what he'd done back. He wished that he could. The thing that he wished the most, besides Finn being alive, was that he could take it back. He really did. It was the worst thing he'd done. Blaine had already been broken, and Kurt had broken him even more. That was the worst. He was a terrible person. "I am sorry. Blaine, I am. You are right. I was wrong. I was. I'm so so sorry. There aren't enough words for how sorry I am." It was true. Kurt didn't know how he could have done that to him. Kurt sighed and ran his hand through his hair. This was a big mistake. He should just go. It was the best idea. Kurt just couldn't get up because his legs were like jelly. He didn't think he could stand if he tried. "You win, okay?" You are going to get to lord this over me for a long time, okay? I'm not sure anything I say will be enough." That was true. She didn't know how lucky she was, Quinn, that is. Kurt knew that he was always going to regret what he did. He knew that he couldn't. Kurt was about to cry, too, and he didn't want to. He didn't have a right to. What he had done was incredibly selfish. He should have been stronger than he had been. Kurt just hadn't been, and he felt guilty.
It got quiet after that, and Blaine didn't really know what to say, so he and Olivia left. Blaine touched Quinn's hand when he joined her. He knew that she would want to say something and he didn't want her to. Blaine got out a bottle for Beth. She was just waking up and would be hungry. Blaine had already decided what he wanted. "What are you going to have? I'm going with tomato soup and grilled cheese." Blaine wanted some comfort. It was good, too. Luke made the soup from scratch. Blaine gave his order to Olivia when she stopped back by. Blaine didn't really know what to say. It had been hard. Very hard. Blaine didn't know how to get through this. He wished he did. Blaine didn't know if he was ever going to get over Kurt completely. He wished that he would. He knew that first loves always stuck with you. You never forgot that they had been in your life. Kurt was always going to be in his heart. Blaine just didn't know if he could handle that. It was more than he could handle right now. The last year had been rough enough. Blaine hadn't been with Quinn long before she'd gotten pregnant, either.
The rest of the day had gone by slow for Kurt. He hadn't stayed long in the diner, he'd gone home as soon as they had stopped hating him. They hadn't really. Kurt was now lying on his couch, covered up in a blanket because he was always cold, and watching television. He still had an affinity for watching things that Finn had liked. He just liked to have him close. He felt like he was there with him sometimes. Kurt sighed as commercials came on. He was supposed to be getting ready to have dinner with Burt and Carole. They were coming over. Kurt was glad that they were close. The last year would have been worse without them. He was starting to drift off, too. Kurt hadn't been sleeping a lot lately. Too much work. He was starting to get really burned out. He didn't know how he was going to keep going at this pace. It was incredibly hard to keep up appearances, not that it really mattered what he did. Nothing that he did was going to make up for what he did in the eyes of the town. That was life in a small town for you. But he was used to that. Kurt was just going to have to suck it up. He didn't know if there was anything that he could do. Amend that, he did. He knew it was impossible. The town was crazy. Kurt sighed and changed the channel to a different show.
That was when the doorbell rang. Kurt knew that it was Burt and Carole. He got up reluctantly. He was showered but not dressed in anything but old sweats of Blaine's. He had left them there and Kurt had never given them back. He supposed that maybe he should. He just couldn't help it. He liked sleeping in them. They smelled like Blaine. Even after all this time. That was very fortunate. He shifted to the door and opened it. It was Blaine. What was he doing here? Kurt couldn't find one earthly reason he would be. It's not as if they had anything more to say to each other. Kurt didn't know what he was supposed to say. "What are you doing here?" That was the rude thing to say. He just couldn't help himself. He ran a hand through his hair. "What are you doing here, Blaine?" He asked again, this time gently. It was still escaping him. But he stood back so Blaine could see him if he so chose. The other boy stood there for a minute, and then he did. He hadn't been expecting that at all. He ran a hand over his leg, almost hoping that Blaine wouldn't recognize the sweats as his.
Giving him an exasperated look, Blaine turned to face him. He didn't know how to start this conversation. He wasn't sure why he was even here. Blaine didn't even want to see him. He was still trying to ignore all the pain he'd been through. It was too much mostly. Blaine did his best to keep his temper from flaring. He didn't come to yell, mostly. He came to demand why Kurt had come in to his family's diner. Not that he could keep him from doing so. He really couldn't. That was the sad part. Blaine raked a hand through his curls. "What did you think you were doing? Why did you come in? Were you trying to hurt me?" That came out a lot more hurt than he'd meant them to. Blaine didn't want to sound like it had hurt him, even if it had. Blaine didn't want Kurt to know how hurt he'd been. It would give him too much power. That was the wrong thing. He took in a deep breath. This was one of the hardest things that he'd ever had to do. Besides letting Kurt in, and that had been a big mistake. He was sure that this was his dumbest idea yet. He took a deep breath again, as if he needed the strength. Blaine didn't know how to do this. He wished that he did. "You hurt me, Kurt. I'd like to lie and say that you didn't. But you did. And now… you can't just go into Luke's."
That had probably been one of the hardest things that Blaine had ever had to do. Kurt didn't know what to say. It wasn't as if any of this was easy. It wasn't. "I'm… I know that took a lot. I'm sorry that I wasn't what I was supposed to be. It was wrong of me. I should have been there for you and I wasn't. You needed me. And I wasn't there. It was wrong of me. And I am aware of that." There was nothing more to say to each other. It was all over. "There's nothing more to say, Blaine. We aren't… it may not be a thing we can fix." There was just nothing. Blaine glared at him, and left, not saying another word. Was this going to keep occurring? God, he hoped not. That was not what he had hoped when they'd begun dating.
Author's note: I suppose this could have been longer. Anyway, hopefully you liked an I can get to something a bit fluffier in the next chapter, although I doubt it. Let me know what ya'll thought!