Underneath We're the Same

by JimberlyShipper

Blaine has lived on the reservation his whole life, and he's never had a boyfriend, let alone sex. Then he is set up with Kurt Hummel and it changes his life. Has mature themes, and is probably going to be a little angsty. Could be a trigger for anyone who has had cancer, or is a sexual abuse survivor. Has Klaine, Finchel, Puck/OC, endgames are Blam, Kadam, Faberry, and Niff.

5. What About Now

Chapter Five: What About Now

"Can I get some help?" A voice said, startling Kurt out of his reverie. He was sitting at the nurse's station, going over some patient notes. His attention had waned, going to Blaine. He couldn't stop thinking about him. Kurt hadn't seen him for a month, and he knew that he was back to work. Kurt couldn't stop thinking of that beautiful baby girl, either, with her father's curls. Kurt couldn't believe that Blaine had done that. Gotten a girl pregnant. And with him being Native American, he couldn't deny being the father. Not that he should. Kurt looked up into a very handsome face. That must be where the accent was coming from. Kurt ran a hand through his dark hair. "Um, yeah, I'm sorry." He said, wondering what this beautiful man could want. Kurt looked him over. He didn't look injured, maybe a loved one was here. Not that there was anyone else British in town. There wasn't. That didn't mean anything, though, Kurt tried to compose himself. This guy didn't need to know his problems. "What can I do for you? Are you here to see someone?" He asked, trying to think of any patients who were on an extended stay. He couldn't think of anyone. Maybe he was here to interview.

"My name's Adam, I'm here to see Dr. Schuester." Will Schuester was the head of general surgery. Adam gave Kurt a onceover with his gaze. He was really good looking. Adam was new in town, and he was here to apply for an intern position. He'd just graduated from Harvard Medical school. It had been arduous but fun. Adam really liked being a doctor. He had his eye on the town, it was gorgeous. Adam hadn't moved anywhere just yet, he was waiting to hear if he got this job. His apartment in Boston was still full of his boxes. He was ready to start his new life. Adam watched the eyebrow raise and Kurt's fingers move over the phone. "I am here for a job interview." He said. "I am going to be a doctor." There was pride in his voice. He couldn't help it. Adam was very anxious to help people. It was going to be a good job. Adam ran a hand absentmindedly through his longish blonde hair. "Do you know if he's here yet, love? I really don't want to miss him. It's important that I do well, I really want to move here." Adam was originally from Sussex, England, and he'd moved to the States when he'd gotten into university.

Kurt couldn't keep the blush from covering his cheeks. This hot guy was going to work here? He was lucky. If he could manage not to embarrass himself. "Um, yeah, Dr. Schue's here. I'll just page him." Kurt could hardly focus on the words he had to say as he talked to Will. Kurt told him Adam was here and Will told him he'd be right down from the intensive care unit. Kurt relayed the news to Adam, trying to decide if he should say anything more. Kurt wanted to find out more about this beautiful man. He licked his lips out of nervousness. That was what he did and this guy made him nervous. Kurt had never been this flustered with a guy before. Except Blaine. Kurt was reminded of him again and a tear brushed his eye. He wiped it away, embarrassed. It was over with Blaine, and he knew it. They wouldn't get another shot, and frankly, he didn't deserve a chance with Adam. Kurt was nervous and kept his eyes downcast. He wasn't sure what to say about anything. "You'll love Dr. Schue. Everyone does." That was true, and it wasn't too embarrassing. What else was he supposed to say? It had been awhile since he'd flirted with someone. Kurt watched as Adam smiled contentedly at him. This was weird.

While Kurt was talking to Adam, Blaine was grading papers. Blaine was just about to finish for the day, too. Kurt was still on his mind. Blaine didn't know what to do about that. He still didn't know how he'd gotten Quinn pregnant. They were happy though. Blaine yawned. Beth still wasn't sleeping through the night. Blaine didn't know how he would ever get sleep if she didn't start to get sleep. Blaine was exhausted. He was so glad with his class this year. Blaine loved his job. The kids were usually so cute and well behaved. Blaine wasn't used to talking to adults like he was with kids. Kids were the future. Blaine was in the living room, working on his papers. Quinn was at work. Blaine hadn't heard from Kurt since the diner. Blaine didn't want to. He still ached all over when he thought of him. Blaine cared about Quinn, and he was happy with her, but Kurt was his first relationship. Blaine would always have feelings for him. He wasn't sure if he regretted the fact that they hadn't slept together or not. Blaine wasn't sure if he could ever decide on that. He'd be tied to him forever as his first love.

The tv was on, he was watching Sell This House, it was Kurt's favorite and it was a way to keep him close. Blaine hummed under his breath as he graded. He was almost finished, and then he could start dinner. Quinn would be home by seven. Blaine was usually home by noon, he only taught am kindergarten. Blaine took a sip of his beer. Beth was finally asleep, and he was hoping that she would stay that way. He had already taken a nap. Blaine ran his hand through his mop of curls. He'd taken to straightening it. Quinn liked it that way and so did he. Blaine finished his grading and got up, checking the pantry to see what he'd cook. Blaine was getting even better at cooking, because Quinn wasn't a person who cooked. Blaine didn't mind. He liked cooking. He decided on tuna casserole and began to get out the ingredients. He was keeping an ear on the tv. He still couldn't believe that Roger was gay. Blaine supposed that you never knew about people. They could surprise you. He ran his hand through his curls as he got out a pot to boil the water. He was startled by the knock on the door. Who was there? Blaine wasn't expecting anyone. That was a surprise. Blaine went to the door. He was wearing very casual clothes, he wasn't dressed for company.

It was Burt Hummel. He'd never even officially met him. He didn't even know what to say. They hadn't ever really even talked. Blaine stood there for a second, his brain trying to comprehend what he was seeing. "Um, hi, Mr. Hummel." He finally said. There wasn't much else to say. It's not as if he and Kurt were going to get back together. It just wasn't going to happen. Blaine wasn't sure if he wanted to ask why he was here. He knew he might not like the answer. What if he wanted to talk about Kurt? Blaine didn't want to keep on talking about that. It wasn't going to end the way that Burt wanted. "Mr. Hummel, I don't know what you came out here for, but I can't talk to you about Kurt anymore. Not that we have, I'm just not wanting to talk about what happened with us." Blaine wanted to get his point across to Burt before he began speaking. But he stepped aside for Burt to enter his house. Beth's baby monitor was quiet in the background. He always kept his ear out for the baby monitor. Aimee, whom Blaine was also watching, was playing Barbies on the living room floor.

Burt adjusted his ball cap and stepped in the apartment. "I know and I'm sorry that I'm here. I know that you finished this already and it's done for you. I know that. Just… all I want you to do is hear me out. After that it's in your hands." Burt never did this, got so involved in his children's lives, only if they were giving him something to worry about. And Kurt was. Rachel, too, really. Off in hiding and all of her classes taught by subs lately. Burt was worrying about her just as much. He just hoped that Blaine would let him talk. When the door closed, Burt turned to Blaine. "You… I understand why you went and moved your life on. I do. You are under no obligation after he dumped you over the phone. You don't. I…. Kurt's my son, and I love him. Blaine, he's been next to that thin line between life and death. Dancing with it." Burt's eyes were misty with what he was saying, but he pressed on. "You… you are happy. And I am glad for you. You didn't ask to be dumped. You have your life. All I want you to do is talk to him. Just see how he is… I want to make sure he's not…" Burt stopped and Blaine knew what he meant. "Please, Blaine. Things happened, but he loves you."

To do it or not was the question. Did Blaine do it? Or was it best to just leave it? Blaine… he didn't want Kurt to die, but he wasn't sure that he owed it to Kurt. It was too much to take in. Blaine still felt incredibly raw and vulnerable from what happened. He cared about Quinn, things weren't perfect, but he did care for her. Blaine just hadn't been able to sleep with her physically since. Blaine was on the couch when she stayed over. Even if she tried to protest. Blaine wasn't sure if he was bi, that he wasn't still gay. Blaine knew that meant that he couldn't marry her. But he did enjoy being with Quinn. It was still confusing. "I…" Tears had already begun to flow down his cheeks. "You… do you know how hurt I was? I'm…. I'm sorry that he's hurting, but I…. seeing him, and talking to him… it's the most painful thing I've ever experienced. I… I don't… I don't want him to die, but I don't know that I'm the one who should talk to him. It would help him but it would destroy me." Blaine stopped to get a tissue. He wiped his eyes. "I'm…. he's done all he can do to hurt me."

The tears on Blaine's face might just be causing Burt's guilt. "Please, Blaine, don't cry. You don't have to go. I'm sorry I made this… that I made you talk about this. It wasn't my place. I'm sorry." Burt clapped a hand on Blaine's shoulder, to give him comfort. "You… you can lean on me if you need." Burt said. He meant it, very much. He really cared about Blaine. He was a good man.

This is when Aimee came out, carefully pushing her cousin in a stroller. "Uncle Blainie, Bethie woke up." She said, and caught sight of Burt. "Who are you?" She asked, as Blaine leaned down to pick up his daughter. She was five months old. He held her and watched Aimee and Burt. "You're Kurt's daddy aren't you?" Aimee accused. She kept a skeptical gaze on the older man.

Blaine kept an eye on Burt, who seemed to have frozen at the sight of the child that was keeping his son from Blaine. "Aimee, you can't talk to Mr. Hummel like that, okay? He is your elder, Aimee Puckerman." He said, almost middle naming her and chose not to. "Go and help Uncle Blaine and color with your books, please, hon?" He said, bouncing Beth as he reached for a bottle.

"Is that?" Burt asked, once Aimee had left the room. They didn't need Blaine to answer, they both knew. "Her name's Beth. She's amazing." Blaine said, stepping closer and then falling back. He knew that Burt was seeing it a different way. As Kurt being the other parent. Blaine cradled her as she ate. "I'm…. no one is more sorry than me, Burt. I am sorry for all of it." He knew that Burt got what he meant. As he fed his daughter, Burt left, and Blaine smiled down at Beth, who was enjoying her bottle. Blaine held her and burped her, all the while keeping his tears at bay. He didn't want to cry. And despite what he had said to Burt, he did care if Kurt lived. He would go and talk to him tomorrow. When he got time. It was Saturday and he'd be mostly free. Blaine looked down into his baby's delicate eyes. She was enjoying just pulling on the strands of his hair that she could reach. Blaine let a few tears escape. He would never regret her, but he knew that this child was supposed to be being raised by him and Kurt.

The laughter of Kurt and Adam filled his place. Kurt hadn't slept with him, but he'd asked him to come over. So they could talk. It was breakfast, they were cooking. Kurt really didn't know if this would go anywhere, but he was glad that he'd asked Adam to come over. He needed a bit of fun right now. Kurt was taking the eggs out of the fridge when he heard a knock on the door. Kurt didn't really know if he wanted to know who was there. He went to get it though, knowing that he looked awful, like he needed to sleep for a year and too skinny from not eating. When he opened the door, he found Blaine. His mouth almost dropped open. He didn't know what to say. He was at a loss for words. "Blaine?" He asked. He didn't know why he was here, so it's not as if he had a good thing to say. He cleared his throat in the awkward silence. "What… what are you doing here?" He asked, he felt that was the best thing to do. Kurt knew he must look awful. Blaine looked beautiful, as always, if not a little tired. Kurt briefly felt guilty that Adam was there, but he and Blaine hadn't dated for more than a year, he couldn't be expected to feel guilty. Boy, Blaine smelled good. Damn.

"Your dad asked me to come." He said. Blaine didn't think lying was the way to go. Blaine was never a fan of lying. It wasn't going to get you anywhere. He heard the noises from the kitchen. Blaine briefly debated whether he should be at all jealous that there may be a man in there, but tossed away that thought. He shouldn't be. He was going to be an incredible hypocrite if he was. "He's worried about you. He says he's scared that you're suicidal." He felt being blunt was best. If Kurt really was, he didn't want to beat around the bush. Blaine took Kurt in. He did look as if the last few months had been hard on him. Blaine knew it was more like the past year. He wished that a lot of things were different. He especially wished that Kurt's brother hadn't died. He didn't look at it as the catalyst that had destroyed his first loving relationship, because if he and Kurt were meant to be together they'd be together. Blaine just wished that Kurt and his family hadn't lost someone. No one should have to go through that pain. Blaine hadn't really known him well enough. "You aren't, are you?"

That was really a hard question to answer. Especially honestly. Kurt knew the answer, and he mostly didn't want to admit it to himself. He swallowed hard. Kurt could feel a lump start to form in his throat. Kurt could feel his heart start to pound almost out of his chest. He felt his hair falling over his forehead. "I… I can't believe that Dad bothered you like that. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that. You had your own life, and you don't need to be worrying about me." Kurt really hoped that Blaine didn't think he was trying to be a martyr. He wasn't. He really meant that.

"Kurt, you don't have to pretend with me. I know that you're not fine. You are nowhere near fine. I don't know if you're really suicidal but I know that you're not okay. Why are you lying? You look like you haven't eaten in a year and you look like you haven't slept in about as long." Blaine didn't know how he was really going to help if Kurt really was that bad off. Blaine wished that he could just wave a wand and fix it all. Blaine didn't know if he could ever make things right again. Blaine ran his hand through his mop of curls. He didn't expect to be let in, and didn't offer.

That was a lot of honesty from Blaine. Kurt honestly hadn't expected that. "I don't think that you're right. I'm not going to make any world's most happiest lists anytime soon, but I'm not going to… well, I'm fine." Kurt was doing his best to keep from outright lying. He wasn't a fan of it, and it wasn't the best thing to do. Kurt really felt that he couldn't lie to Blaine. He got caught up in those hazel eyes and he wanted to tell the truth. Kurt ran his hand through his messy hair. He hadn't had a shower since the day before, and if it wasn't for work he might not ever shower. Kurt didn't know that that was a good thing. That was the sign o good mental health. You weren't exactly the picture of mental health when you couldn't bring yourself to shower. Kurt sighed. "I really am fine, Blaine. You can go and tell my father that you did your duty and checked up on me." This was said a little bitterly, but he was actually touched that Blaine had done as his father requested. Blaine could have said no or just ignored it and him by extension.

"Kurt, you aren't fine!" Blaine exploded. "Why are you lying to me? You haven't been fine since you lost your brother. You aren't fine and you won't be until you start dealing. Trust me, I'm right there with you. I know what I'm talking about. You think I'm okay? I'm not. And I don't know if I ever was. The most that I have ever been happy is with you. And you took that away. You dumped me. Over the phone. Who does that? Do you think that I'm okay just because I look like it? Well I'm not. I miss you. Just because you ripped out my heart like Regina Mills doesn't mean that I don't miss you. I really… I'm… I hate how much I miss you." Blaine's eyes brushed with tears. He was revealing way too much about himself. He hadn't planned this. It had just come out when Kurt started lying and he couldn't handle that. Blaine had been hurt by Kurt, but he'd never lied to him. "You are miserable, and you know it. You aren't fooling anyone. I am sorry that you lost your brother. You shouldn't have had to go through that. I'm so sorry. I pray every day that it had ended up differently. I don't…. I don't pray for us to be together, just that Finn hadn't died."

That hurt a lot more than Kurt wanted to admit. And he didn't even believe in God. Kurt's own eyes filled with tears. He didn't know what to say to that. It was all true, and Blaine really didn't want him back. Kurt's throat was full of a lump, and he didn't know what to say. All plans with Adam were completely forgotten. Kurt was in pain all over again. They kept hurting each other. When was it going to end? They could stop doing this to each other right? Kurt really hoped that they could. He still loved Blaine, and he didn't want them to keep doing this to each other. He really wanted them to work things out. Kurt sniffled and swallowed over the lump in his throat. It was the thickest that it had ever been. Kurt really didn't know how to get out of this conversation. "You… you don't pray for us to be together? Really?" He asked, pinching his sides to keep from putting his hand over his chest. It was a little more precious than he wanted to get. Blaine could still cut him to the core, he hadn't thought that that could happen.

"No I don't. You hurt me and you don't have any points with me." Blaine said, looking at him, eyebrow raised. Blaine wondered what was going on in Kurt's head. He had to be insane. "It won't work, we tried once. You got scared and dumped me. Story of my life. I can't… the pain I went through, I really can't go through anymore. The pain that you caused me hasn't gone away. It's the lasting pain, like everything else that's happened to me. It's going to be with me forever. My first boyfriend that I loved dumped me." They were both crying so hard, Blaine gripped his elbows for support. "You are what you are. You were looking around for an excuse and an opportunity came along. You were going to. You didn't think about how this would effect me." Blaine caught his eye. "I'm out of here. You have your life, and you need to take a deep breath and reboot." Blaine didn't want to talk about any of that with Kurt. Just this would be enough. As it was, he was too close to Kurt, who was crying too and reaching for him. Blaine looked at him. "Talk to your dad." He told him seriously.

He was full out crying now . Kurt didn't know what he was supposed to say. "Blaine…. Please. Don't go." Kurt said, his voice strangled. He had forgotten all about Adam being in the kitchen. Kurt could hardly breathe. This was one of the most painful things he'd ever been through. Kurt could hardly believe this. "Blaine, I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I really am. But please. Don't leave. I'm… we were so good together. We could have that again. Please." Kurt hated that he was being so pleading. He didn't want to argue. Kurt didn't want Blaine to think that he was so desperate anyway. That was pointless. Kurt also didn't think that it was going to matter anyway. He seemed serious. Kurt had lost his chance and he could tell. He felt helpless. He kept his arms out for Blaine, who pulled back. Kurt couldn't imagine trying to explain how badly that hurt. He felt like he was watching himself. "I don't… I can't do this alone, Blaine. I can't." Kurt couldn't find his breath and he felt like passing out. He grabbed at his legs and stuck his head between them. Yup. Panic attack.

Blaine groaned in pain and tears. He didn't want to comfort Kurt. He didn't. This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that he should have to put himself through this. It was wrong. He had been through enough. And from Kurt. "Don't…. I am sorry, Kurt, but you…"He was stopped by the sight of some dude behind Kurt. He was tall, blonde, and cute. Blaine was just standing there, unsure. Then the man knelt next to Kurt (HIS Kurt) and began to comfort him. Blaine could only stand there. He was at a loss. "Excuse me? You are?"

"Seriously, Blaine? This is Adam." Kurt managed, as he tried to calm his pounding heart. He didn't know how he was going to explain any of this to either of them. That was something he was not prepared for. He was shocked when Blaine knelt to the floor and pulled him away from Adam. Blaine kept an arm around Kurt protectively. Kurt looked at Adam, who was just unflappable. He wasn't seemingly upset. Kurt sighed and tiredly put his head in Blaine's neck, crying so hard. He wished that he hadn't made all of these mistakes. Kurt had royally messed up his life. He could have it so much better. He clung to Blaine tightly.

Adam took in the scene. They were closeup together, and crying. Adam was sure that they still loved each other. Adam wondered why they were still apart. "Look, love. Clearly you aren't over your ex. I don't know why, you two broke up over a year ago. You should be on the mend. Clearly, neither one of you are ready to go and move on. You do. You are destructive for each other." Adam didn't usually talk so much. It was new for him. This wasn't healthy at all.

Kurt sniffled and held on tightly, taking several deep breaths. It was hard for him to really get calm. This was a painful situation. "Blaine, please don't be upset with him." He said weakly as Adam left, making his apologies. Kurt barely noticed. He was just glad to have Blaine's arms around him. Kurt was really just wanting Blaine to stay. Really stay. And that might not be possible. Kurt stroked Blaine's stomach slowly as he lay there, enjoying this. "Blaine, I'm so sorry. I know that you don't want to be here at all right now. I am so glad that you are. I…." Kurt couldn't finish that. Not unless he wanted more pain. He knew Blaine would leave again. He just knew it. This wasn't going to be real. Kurt didn't know how he was going to make it when Blaine left. That was just too much. Kurt was starting to calm a little. "Blaine… I… you were right. I'm… I was lying to you. I am…. I'm not fine. I don't know when I'll ever be fine. I… thought I was okay at first. I really did. Then… I saw you at the diner. Then I… I just don't know." Kurt couldn't really go into more detail than that. He didn't know how he could get his point across.

Blaine didn't want to talk about any of that. He didn't know why he was even here. He should have ignored Burt. He just… he couldn't say no to him. It was one of the first things that he'd run into with Burt. Burt was a very good man and he could hardly say no to him. He didn't know how anyone could. Blaine was in huge pain just having to sit here with him like this. Blaine sighed. "Kurt, you just, you can't do this. You can't talk about how hard this is for you. Do you think it's easy for me? Do you? It's not. This is the worst thing I've ever been through. You are not the only one. I can't do this. I can't. I have someone in my life now. She could get hurt and I don't want to do to her what you did to me." Blaine said, and he really meant it. He was trying to avoid hurting his fiancée. How could he be in Beth's life if he was with Kurt? Quinn would be incredibly hurt. Blaine didn't want to be that guy. Especially since he might not even be bi. That was a huge problem. He couldn't do that to her.

"Your loyalty is to Quinn." Kurt mused, as he started to calm down a little. He didn't want her to get hurt, either. But he wanted Blaine. And he couldn't live a lie. He had to be true to himself. That just wasn't going to happen again. Not if Blaine was going to marry Quinn. "You can't marry Quinn, Blaine. You aren't into women. Plus, I know that you and she haven't slept together since that time you were drunk. She works as a nurse and they talk." Kurt said, finally stopping his sniffles and stroking the soft skin of his stomach. Blaine didn't pull away, thankfully. Kurt hoped he wouldn't. "You…. you can't do that to her. That doesn't mean that you still can't be in Beth's life, but you don't have to marry her if you don't feel it." Kurt said. He had to get that through to him. It was very important. It was the best thing for all of them involved. Kurt sighed, knowing that this was his fault. If he hadn't dumped Blaine, he wouldn't be doing this now. Kurt couldn't ever get their final conversation as a couple out of his head. He was sure that Blaine couldn't, either. It was so wrong of him to lean on Blaine like this.

"You don't get to lecture me on this!" Blaine snapped. "You dumped me and I was in terrible pain. You can't expect me to stay single for you." Blaine was in shock at his audacity. He didn't know how Kurt could be so incredibly insensitive. How could he seriously expect Blaine to break up with Quinn? It's not as if Blaine was going to break up with her for Kurt. Who had hurt him and broke up with him. Blaine ran his hand through his dark curls. He wanted to leave so much. Blaine just didn't feel right leaving when Kurt was so upset. Blaine knew that he was too nice for his own good. Blaine could not see how this wasn't going to end up with him regretting this. Blaine pulled away a little. He wasn't comfortable with this. Blaine really thought that he had to get out of here. He had to get home to Beth. Quinn was working again. Blaine loved that she loved her job. She was always talking about how much she cared about her patients. Blaine didn't know how she could do all of that nursing stuff. Blaine loved teaching and it was all he wanted to do.

Kurt sighed as Blaine pulled away. He wished that Blaine would just forgive him. Although he wasn't sure he blamed him. Kurt had been just awful. "Blaine, you can't be serious?! This isn't about me wanting you. This is about me wanting to save Quinn from marrying a gay man. You aren't straight, Blaine. You can't do that to her. Please, just think about it. You can't hurt her like that. You honestly can't be that much of an ass." Kurt really hoped that Blaine would take this advice to heart. He really didn't want that for Quinn. "You can still be in Beth's life. You can. You don't have to marry her. You won't be happy." Kurt really didn't think that Blaine should do it. It's not as if he had problems with bi people. He just didn't think that Blaine was one of them. It was just wrong of him. There had to be some other way for him to be in Beth's life. Kurt wished for the millionth time that he hadn't broken up with Blaine. He wasn't the one who did the hurting. He was the one who got hurt. Kurt couldn't believe that he'd been the one to hurt. It pained him to think about. He couldn't believe it. "I will never stop feeling bad about what I did to you, Blaine. I am so sorry. You deserve the best."

That was it. Time to go. Blaine stood. "Okay. I'm out of here. I'm sorry that you're so upset. I am. But I'm leaving." He got up. "Talk to your father. You need to let him know that you're okay." Blaine said. He got out the door, closing it behind him. Blaine immediately began to cry. He couldn't believe that that was so hard. He took a deep breath. He had to calm down. He had to drive. He didn't want to put himself in danger. Blaine wiped his eyes. At least Kurt was okay and he didn't have to feel guilty for not doing what Burt had asked. Blaine started down the drive to his truck. He stood outside of it, looking up at Kurt's. Blaine was still feeling jealous of that English guy. Adam? Was that his name? Blaine didn't know but he knew he had no right to be jealous. He didn't even know why. It's not as if he wanted Kurt back. He didn't. At least, he didn't think so. And if he did, he shouldn't. Blaine didn't know how he could be so self destructive of his own life. Blaine had finally had something going for him. Besides missing Kurt. More than anything.

A few days later, Kurt was just getting out of the shower. His door opened, and Burt was calling up the stairs. "Kurt! It's your dad." He wondered what his dad was doing there. Kurt called back down the stairs and then went to get dressed. He had dinner in the oven, and he'd just gotten off a three day shift. Kurt was tired. He was going to pass out as soon as he got done eating. Kurt finished dressing, casual knit pants and a soft tee, not something he'd sleep in, but comfortable. Plus, his dad was here. Kurt didn't know what he wanted. He sat down at his vanity to do his nighttime routine before he went down. He heard his father moving around downstairs. Kurt and Quinn hadn't spoken much. Kurt had requested (anonymously) to not be scheduled with her if they could help it. Kurt hoped she really didn't know. He didn't need drama. Everyone had been talking about the scene a few days ago. The whole neighborhood had been talking, so it had gotten around the town. Kurt had been enduring looks for days. He didn't know what to do about that. He was used to it, since it had been happening for over a year. He finished with his creams and went downstairs. "Dad?" He called out.

"Just checking on you, bud." He said. Burt was setting the table. He was glad that he and Carole had been able to move here. His time in DC was over. He was glad for that. As much as he'd liked it, he missed seeing his family and owning his tire shop. He'd already gotten a space. Burt was ready to go back to fixing cars. He sniffed the air. It was tuna casserole. He was surprised, it was usually too basic for Kurt. But it smelled good. Carole was working. She was on her way to being a head nurse.

"I'm fine, Dad." Kurt replied, as he got out some beer for Burt and a bottle of Fiji water for himself. He had put together a three bean salad too. He put it on the table. "Why did you ask Blaine to come and check on me? That was one of the worst experiences of my life." Kurt yawned and opened the oven to get the tuna casserole out of it. He was glad his dad was there. Kurt could use a friendly face. He had been getting glares and needed the friendly face of someone who loved him. "I don't think we'll ever get back together."

Burt sat down as Kurt put down the food. "I was worried about you. I haven't ever been more worried about you. You've been really depressed. And I understand why. But you have to start to get back to your life, kiddo. I know that it's been a hard year. You can't keep wallowing." Burt wondered where his happy kid had gone. Kurt had used to be incredibly happy all the time. Burt missed that. It was much preferable to the sad kid that had replaced him. Burt cracked open his beer and took a sip as Kurt dished out food. He came over often when Carole was working. He didn't cook much.

"Dad, I'm trying. I am. I even asked a guy to come over for breakfast the other day. The day Blaine turned up." Kurt really couldn't believe it. Even if he was exactly what Burt thought. Kurt sighed as he sat down, picking up his fork and digging in. "Work was great, Carole and I grabbed lunch." Kurt really liked Carole a lot. She was really great. Kurt took a bite and chewed. He hoped that his dad would go with the subject change. Kurt didn't want to talk about his depression. He wanted to talk about anything else. Kurt hadn't been able to look Adam in the eyes since the other morning.

Burt got some of the salad. He was starving. "You can't change the subject Kurt." He said. He didn't think that they should really change and not talk about the serious subject. Burt really couldn't lose another kid. Especially not Kurt. He'd been through a lot. He didn't deserve to be going through anything more. He'd lost his mother and his brother. That was enough for anyone. Plus, Kurt had had enough to go through as a gay kid.

"Dad." Kurt said, drawing out the syllables. He really couldn't stand the fact that they were going to openly discuss his suicidal thoughts. He couldn't just talk about it like that. "Please, Dad. I… I know that I need to get some help or something, please. I really don't think that I can do that. Just discuss it over dinner." Kurt ate some more and gave his father a pleading look. He was really hoping that it was dropped. At least for now. Kurt knew he still looked too thin and his hair was in need of a cut.

Burt gave him a look, not sure if he should drop the subject or not. It was such an important subject. Burt decided to let it go for now, as long as Kurt knew they weren't done talking about it. "Fine. But we're going to finish this later. So how was work besides lunch with Carole?" Burt asked, sipping his beer. He liked having dinner with Kurt. He occasionally ate with Rachel and Haili. Rachel was doing a little better, but Burt was still worried about her, too. Carole checked on her quite a lot. Plus, Haili really loved Carole. She loved having a grandma. But, she loved Rachel's dads, too.

"Fine, Carole says that she talked to Leroy and Hiram, they're coming down for Halloween. I'm so glad, it's been a long time since I've seen them besides on Skype. I miss them a lot." Kurt said. Growing up, he'd leaned on them a lot. He'd been glad to have them to get advice. Kurt took a bite of his food and sipped his water. He didn't know how they'd ended up in Ohio, but it had been nice to have them. Kurt loved Burt, more than anything, but he didn't know anything about being gay. Kurt could talk to him but he couldn't really ask for advice. Kurt had rather enjoyed that.

Not that he'd exactly done well in the guy area. Kurt was someone with a terrible reputation with men. At least he'd gotten through Trip. Kurt couldn't imagine ever going through an experience like that again. And now he was one of those guys. It was terrible.

Author's note: Hope ya'll are still in there. I'm hoping that things will be looking up for our boys soon. Although it could be a few chapters. I'm debating if more Adam. What do ya'll think?