Chapter Eighteen

Haven

(Talks of lost child - the aftereffects of what happened last chapter)

Alistair had been the one to carry me into the tent, of course. It was always the sweet man I had claimed as my mate. He held me tightly that night.

The next morning, when we had woken up earlier than anyone, I just… cried into his chest. He had cried too – I wasn't the only one that had lost a child after all.

Mainstream media was always saying that men shouldn't cry, but… I found it comforting that he did. I needed to know that he had wanted that just as much I had – and mourned the loss too.

His voice was rough, "A child…"

I whimpered, "I'm… so sorry… I…" I was worried he'd blame me – for rushing in, getting hit or just… anything.

He shook his head, "I should have protected you… I should have… maker…"

"You've never been one that jumps in front of me before – you couldn't have known… but I should have. I even… I noticed the signs; being tired, sensitive breasts… I was even getting heartburn. All those things happened with Levi, Alistair – I should have known better."

"You thought you couldn't get pregnant – so you ruled it out, right? Let's just blame the Ogre and not ourselves…" but I could see on his face that he blamed himself.

I snorted, "Only if you promise not to blame yourself. Goddess, this is… mostly I feel terrible for not knowing; but… What would we have done, Alistair? We're in the middle of A Blight and… it would have hurt your chances to take the throne; and… What about after the Blight? What then? I'd be in Kirkwall and you would be in Denerim. You wouldn't be able to claim our child – a bastard that has elven blood and whatever I am. What would our child do when I have to go into the Deep Roads on an expedition later? I feel… so sick about losing our baby, but…"

"Maker – you're right; our baby wouldn't have been… it isn't the right time… I'd have abdicated the throne if I had to if it meant keeping our child safe. Our child…"

I shook my head, "We talked about that, Alistair. You need to take the throne – you don't seem to understand what's at stake if you don't. If you stay a Grey Warden, then at some point… you may end up trapped somewhere – and that place may kill you, but I don't know. I wouldn't know… please don't put me through that. Please," I heard my voice crack.

He nodded and kissed me, "I know – I was simply pointing out that… if we had a child before I took the throne, there's no way that I wouldn't have abdicated to marry you. Waiting until my position is more stable… people are more forgiving of elven mistresses and bastard children after you stabilize yourself on a throne. I've been reading on that."

I nodded, "O-okay. I… thank you… for not blaming me."

He looked completely thrown off, "Why would I blame you? That Ogre surprised us all when it showed up. Besides, as you said, it's not really a good time to have a baby… we can… hopefully you would allow us to try again one day?"

I nodded, "I'd like that. I would love to have babies with you, Alistair – one day…"

He kissed me sweetly – no hint of passion, but full of love. I loved this man… I loved this man so much and I was so grateful that he loved me too.

We got up not long after that – my temporary purple hair had changed back to red when I'd fallen asleep. When we got out to the fire, others were only just coming out as well.

Leliana – not saying a word – walked behind me and just started braiding my hair. I leaned into her touch. Alistair didn't comment – he knew I needed to feel the care of our friends at the moment; I needed the support that came from having people who mourned along with you.

Zevran was cooking Breakfast – eggs and bacon.

Aedan looked at Alistair, "So… want to spar?"

The two went at each other hard. This was how Alistair coped with grief. Sten didn't even ask – he hauled me over to a clear area and launched into an attack. In my distraction, he managed to land two or three hits, but nothing solid. As usual when I would spar with the behemoth, eventually we were the center of attention.

Aedan lost focus – and thus lost his match – when I managed to slide directly beneath Sten and take out his knees. The giant grunted and fell forward.

When I had him pinned, he merely asked, "Do you feel better?"

I thought for a minute and said, "Do I…? I mean, a little – but it would have been better if I wasn't wearing a skirt."

Alistair coughed at that – Aedan grumbled about it. Sten shrugged, "You are wearing garments beneath it – so there is nothing shown."

"You have a point, Kadan… Thank you for taking the time to spar with me this morning."

He nodded, "We all encounter something that makes us feel. If the emotions are negative, then the response should be to find a way to counter them. For warriors of the Qun, we fight it out because it makes us focus on something else for a time. Should you need to spar again, I am here."

He sat back in the spot he'd been in last night. Aedan said, "You've been teaching Alistair how to fight with your tricks."

I chuckled, "I've only been teaching him one of my fighting forms! The rest of the time, I teach him how to fight with the Pike. We don't turn in early every night for sex Aedan – I mean… not just sex anyway. None of you have seen just how big the inside of my tent is. I actually expanded it so that we have a place to train."

"… Can I see?" Aedan asked. I waved my hand, "Sure – you can all take a tour."

They all stood up and I let Alistair give them the 'tour' of the tent. The damn thing had a second room now – a 'dojo' with a weapon wall.

Sten was the first to comment, "It is interesting, Kadan."

Aedans' comment was, "I want one of those…"

Zevran asked, "Is it possible to expand it more? You know – so we can all fit within?"

I lifted an eyebrow, "Why would I do that?"

"So we… are less exposed?" he gave a charming grin.

"I could… I could even make the kitchen fully functional and give us all separate rooms… but I won't."

Leliana pouted, "Why not?"

I gave her a blank look, "I like walking around naked in the comfort of my own home. And make no mistake – that tent is the only home I have at the moment. Besides – we're doing fine as we are. If we're all in one tent, how are we going to do the guard patrols?"

"Easily, Kadan – knocking on a door is easier than bending to wake someone in a tent."

"… Fine – but the first time anyone comments negatively on my decoration style, you get to go back to your own tents; because if you don't like what I give you, you can go back to what you had."

Wynne nodded, "That is more than fair, Ara."

"Fine – it'll take some time, but I should have it ready by the time we reach Haven."

"Why will it take time? Can you not alter it when you pull it out?"

I glared at the Crow as he handed me a plate of eggs, "In theory, yes. What will take time is the furnishing. The building will be done when I pull it out tonight, but I don't want any of you getting squished at the beds and such roll in and appear at will. I'm still new to Pocket Realms so it takes time for me to get things settled."

He shrugged, "Okay. Let us hurry and eat – I wish to get this Dragon Cult taken care of as soon as possible."

That prompted questions – I suppose we had forgotten to tell the others… oops.

Haven was more than 5 times larger than in the game – though set up closer to Inquisition than Origins. And yes, we were stopped at the entrance gate to be 'warned'… more like threatened. It had taken only 2 weeks to get from Honnleath to Haven.

I had explained that if we went to the shop and 'discovered' the dead body, the whole town would attack us – minus the ones in the chantry, whom we'd fight upon asking about Genitivi. We ended up going to the shop.

None of the villagers were much of a challenge to fight, but I knew the cultists in the actual temple would be worse. I had given Father Eirik a look upon entering the chantry covered in the blood of the townspeople. He had paled slightly but still fought us, earning him a dagger in the heart by yours truly.

I did however find the cemetery and dug the plots while the others indulged me and gathered the bodies. Alistair helped me to dig graves for the 38 villagers we had killed. I had been so glad that we were able to spare the children and two people who didn't attack us because they were watching the kids.

The adults that lived watched in confusion. One worked up the nerve to approach with hands lifted in surrender, "Excuse me…"

I saw Alistair approach the man as I began my prayer to the Goddess… and then I said the Andrastian last rites from a book Alistair had bought me in Denerim.

Alistair asked, "What is it?"

"Why bury them? I mean… we would have, sure – but you killed them?"

"My wife is a Priestess for a religion that is more peaceful and kind. She worships a Goddess – and… doing as you will but harm none is one of the major sticking points. She only joins the fights if she's protecting us or herself. And then she atones for the ill-deeds by burying the dead and giving them their last rites. She can kill Darkspawn and Demons… but she doesn't hunt or kill animals or people if she can avoid it. She tries to do the last rites in the religion of the dead – but until recently, she didn't know the Andrastian rites."

"So why kill us at all?" he asked in anger.

"… Are you really that stupid?" Aedan asked, "We tried to be nice – you attacked us. We just needed a pinch of ashes and we would have been on our way. Most of this group isn't even Andrastian for fucks' sake. Why would we have told anyone about this town in that case? To people in this group like Ara – who is a priestess of a different religion – the ashes are just a magical relic with no religious value. She doesn't care – she is also our leader. We wouldn't have told anyone… but your people decided we looked like easy kills."

The man glanced at me, "She… she is your leader? We thought you were…"

"Their deaths are because they attacked us when we have a mission to do. Were any of you aware that there is currently A Blight and a Civil War going on? We're Grey Wardens, man. We're just trying to stop the Blight – something even Andraste fought against. She was born just after the first blight. We could have been Allies – but your people attacked."

The man shook his head and left. I finished the rites and we went back into the Chantry. We found Genitivi behind that false wall – the one that would be turned into a room beside the 'war room' sometime in the next 10 years.

"You're Brother Genitivi, right?"

"Yes – thank you for the aid."

I sighed, "Sorry to be the one to tell you this – Weylon is dead. A Haven resident killed him and took his place so he could send anyone looking for you to their death."

Genitivi looked sad, "Weylon was a good lad – I'll see to it he's honored as such. But I don't have time to rest now – the urn is just up the mountain."

"Good – Arl Eamon was poisoned so we need a pinch to cure him."

He snorted, "Politics; never did anyone any good. The Arl is a noble soul – the ashes would surely cure him."

I held up the 'amulet' and asked, "Do you know how to work this key? If not, I'll leave you here to rest while we go up the mountain ourselves."

He nodded, "I… do know how. It's ancient Tevinter mechanics." I nodded and motioned to Sten, "Sten, can you carry him or do I need to?"

"I will do it."

I was glad I already knew how to get to the temple – mostly from the third game, but the path really was that easy.

I led the group, having summoned an all-terrain wheelchair for Genitivi who had a broken leg that refused to heal – apparently he had too high of a magical resistance for Wynne and I refused to try.

We left him near the entrance of the Temple, of course. I was amazed to find that, unlike in the game, the Temple was in perfect condition… so far. The Temple looked new, and had a warn feeling that could only be described as coming home. There were many carvings on the walls, and more than just the four passages shown in the game.

I could feel the presence of the Maker here… I didn't truly believe in him until now. I could hear his whispering, and I saw his presence in each place I looked. I knew that this 'Tevinter' ruin was actually built by the Maker himself.

I didn't realize I had stopped walking until Aedan asked, "Everything alright, Ara?"

"Aedan… this temple… I can feel your Maker all around it. I can hear him speak… he built this as his beloveds' final resting place. He is here Aedan. I don't even worship him, and yet he shows himself. This feels like… home," I knew my eyes were wide as they all stared at me. Sten, Morrigan and Shale didn't seem to Approve, but Lelianna and Genitivi were asking all sorts of questions. I shook my head, "Now isn't the time for questions. We have a mission to complete. Perhaps we can speak of it later."

With that said, we moved on. As we killed cultists and walked on, Alistair asked, "So by now we all know you worship a Goddess… but you never really talk about her much. Who is she and what is she the goddess of?"

"I Worship the Triple Goddess: The Mother, the Maiden, and the Crone. The Goddess of Magic and Witchcraft, so mote it be," I shrugged.

"But you said there wasn't magic in your world," Morrigan accused. "I said 'There may have been true Magic at one point, but it's been diluted. Most who had Magic once upon a time were burned alive or drowned… most of what remains is slim'. Honestly, I also told you I was an Empath – able to feel the emotions of those around me – and a Clairvoyant that could see some pieces of the future in my dreams… how is that not magic in its own right? I had a connection to nature and people… Maybe it wasn't magic, but it certainly was enough to convince me and even the Coven I was in. I was considered a 'White Witch' because I used what I had for the good of those around me and never did harm. A Black Witch is one who does do harm. I… I'm a grey witch now. In between the light and the dark… taking lives has tainted my soul – but so long as I repent and don't enjoy the killing… I hope to never be a Black Witch. There are also Green witches – they focus on plants and animals; tending life and letting it grow."

They were all looking at me so I continued, "Perhaps that is why I can feel the Maker here; why I can hear his words impressed into the stone… my Empathy allows for it. I could feel the Griffons at the Peak too… I've never been able to sense past events before, but maybe it's because my magic is enhanced by Thedas? I suppose if the Veil wasn't created then I could have been more powerful, but that's just a theory."

"Created?" Wynne asked. "Well… yeah. You mean people actually forgot that the Veil is artificial? That it was created by an Elven God to punish the other Gods for killing the only decent one?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"Wait… how it that the Maker and the Elven Gods exist?" Alistair seemed flummoxed. "Easy! The Elven Gods were actually just powerful Mages, who were worshiped in the times of Arlathan, not actual gods."

We had reached the 'caverns' where the Dragonlings nested. Like the main Temple, it still felt new, not destroyed.

By the time we got to where Kolgrim was, we all decided that after killing the bastard, we would 'make camp' and continue after some sleep.

Shale had finally given out her nicknames… mostly. Morrigan the Swamp Witch, Wynne was the Elder Mage, Zevran was the Painted Elf, Leli was the Sister, Sten was the Qunari, the Mabari were both 'Dog' – Fen was Dog 1 and Ash was Dog 2. Alistair was Whiney One, Aedan was given the call sign of Brother – since he was with the Sister and I was the Fairy.

She spoke to me as we made our way up the winding caverns, "I hear the Fairy knows how Golems are made? I wish to know."

"Okay – but reserve judgements until you meet Caridin okay? Cause you are not going to believe me."

"… I still wish to know, will it tell me?" I smiled and pulled out the pet rock I had made for her and said, "Of course, Shale. This is for you, though – its name is Onyx…" I was flushed and really hoping she didn't take offence to the pet 'rock'. It was actually made of a large chunk of Onyx I had found in the Brecillian Forest. I had carved a spot to put two rubies for eyes before painting a white mouth on it.

I noticed the looks everyone was giving me. Shale reached out and took it, bringing it closer to her face to examine it – though it was as big as her hand. "Oooh shiny; I like shiny things."

"I… wasn't sure what to get you – I like giving people gifts and… well…"

"I will accept this. Now, my question…"

"Fine; but don't interrupt until the end. Golems were crafted from either stone or metal by Paragon Caridin on the Anvil of the Void that now resides in Bownammar – a place now known as the City of the Dead – it used to be the Headquarters for the Legion of the Dead; the city has been reclaimed and lost many times. And the Legion still bury their dead there if one falls close enough to the city. Actually, Caridin built Bownammar as well – before he built the Anvil, even. Golems… the first Golem was created in about 225 Ancient – more than 1000 years ago – they were made to combat the Darkspawn that threatened the world during the first blight." I saw the faces around me filled with interest – it wouldn't last.

"But you must understand – only a true god can create new life from nothing… he had to use Dwarven volunteers. The process involves dressing the volunteer in armor the size of the golem, then pouring molten Lyrium through the eye holes, mouth hole, and joints of the armor. Before it cools, the armor is hammered and shaped to perfection – it sounds quite painful, actually. Then magic was used to animate the golems in a process similar to animating a corpse or some such. Enchanted control rods are used to turn the golems into perfectly obedient soldiers, at the cost of their free will. However if a golem lacks a control rod it retains its free will and perhaps its former personality returns as well." Disbelief now colored several faces. Taking away a persons' free will was slavery.

"There was no lack for willing participants in the beginning – the golems were winning – but the wretch of King back then – King Valtor – started forcing criminals, castles and political enemies to the forge. Caridin refused to create any more golems after only six years of continuous production. In response to Caridins… disobedience, King Valtor ordered for Caridin to be turned into a golem – to be as compliant as the rest of them. But Caridins apprentices didn't know how to properly create a control rod, so Caridin kept his own mind and free will and fled with his loyalists and the Anvil into the Deep Roads – to Bownammar, as I said. He hasn't been seen or heard from since."

"What it said is… quite elaborate." Shale commented.

"Yeah – I know you won't really believe it until Caridin reminds you. We will meet him. He's a Golem too, now."

"Wait! So Shale is over 1000 years old?!" Aedan exclaimed. I glared at him, "No, she's obviously 30." Alistair snorted at the sarcasm that dripped from my voice. Even Shale harrumphed at Aedans words – I'd already said that no new golems had been created in that amount of time…

We heard a voice, "Stop! You will go no further!" A man shouted. He was 6'1 with dark, chocolate colored skin, black hair that was slightly curly, and grey-brown eyes… why was a villain so good looking? Not. Fair.

I snorted and moved my way to the front of the group, wings out and shimmering in the light around us.

"The righteous do not fear death, hmm? You have defiled the Temple of Andraste, Kolgrim, and you dare to worship a false Andraste? I may only be here for the Ashes, but you make a mockery of what you claim to worship!" I snarled.

"There is no claiming – we do worship Andraste! We do not worship a false…" he snapped at me.

I narrowed my eyes, "Don't you? If you had bothered to talk to the Guardian, then you would know that Andraste will not be reborn as I have been. She was said to rest eternally at her husbands' side! Why would any man send his beloved wife back into the arms of those who killed her so mercilessly when they haven't truly repented?"

Kolgrim actually looked thoughtful at that, "But the prophecy…"

"Was made up by your ancestor," I snapped.

He shook his head, "I don't believe you – and I can't allow any of the unfaithful to leave here alive."

They attacked – and since they worshiped dragons, I cremated these bodies as I had since entering the temple.

It was finally time to unveil the new tent rooms. Aedan had his room in Highever back but it had little ravens and Andrastian décor all over for Leliana. Zevran had a brothel room. Wynne had a magic library. Morrigan had her room from the Wilds – but with a garden. Sten had a room fit for an Arishok with the weapons and Qunari designs. Oghrens room looked like a Dwarven tavern with a bed though he wasn't with us yet. There was even a room for Bodahn and Sandal – just a simple Dwarven room.

For my room… it looked fit for royalty. Golds, reds and black accents decorated the room. In the center was a four-poster bed in a sunken dais. There were two Armoires – one on either side of the room facing each other. Mine had elegant golden scrip with my name on it – his had blocky font. There was also a fully stocked Alter to the Goddess in one corner – for my prayers and rituals.

Each room also had a private bathroom with shower and tub.

There was a fully functional modern, state-of-the-art kitchen with double oven, 6 burner stove, large fridge, dishwasher and plenty of marble counter space. The training room was large enough for us all to do things in. The living room was leather couches and chairs with a sleek marble coffee table.

The doors were all plainly marked with a sigil too. Leli and Aedans' had a Raven with the Highever Laurels around it. Zevs' had a green vial with an ominous glow. Wynnes' held the sigil of the Circle of Magi. Morrigans' had a spider – black widow. Stens' had the sigil of Par Vollen. Oghrens' had a tankard. Bodahn and Sandal got a Carriage. As for mine… it had a pair of wings with a sword down the middle and a crown resting on the hilt at the top.

"… We should have asked for this sooner…" Aedan gaped while I gave a tour. Alistair had gotten used to the new layout over the two week walk from Honnleath to Haven.

I rolled my eyes, "Uh-huh."

Sten spoke, "This is well done, Kadan." He was standing in the doorway to his room. I could see the respect in his eye as he looked around the room.

Zevran laughed hard when he opened his door, "This is just like home, Little Rose."

I shrugged and went to cook dinner.

I had made Hamburgers for dinner with French Fries and sweet tea. Aedan took first Watch, and then it would be Sten and then Lelianna. Shale didn't need sleep so she was the second on all three shifts. I sang 'A Little Wicked' by Valerie Broussard.

A little wicked

That's what he calls me

'Cause that's what I am

That's what I am

No one calls you honey, when you're sitting on a throne

No one calls you honey, when you're sitting on a throne

Beware the patient woman, 'cause this much I know

No one calls you honey, when you're sitting on a throne

When Alistair and I got into our room, he turned to me. "So you remember what you said after we picked up Zevran; about rings to symbolize marriage… I've been waiting for the right time to… I only got you one, since we skipped the engagement part…" He had pulled a small box from his.

He opened the box and I gasped. It was beautiful. It was a White Steel band with a purple gem – likely Amethyst – and intricate carvings of dragons on the sides and their tails met to curl around the single small gem.

"Alistair…" I whispered in awe as I reached out to touch it. Before he could say anything else, I launched myself into his arms. He caught me.

"I take it you like it, then?" he asked nervously. "Like it? I love it Alistair! I just have to ask… why the purple gem?"

"I'm not really sure… I saw the gemstone in the Brecillian forest and thought of you. When we got to Denerim, I found a smith named Wade who was quite interested to work with it and I let him decide the design. He… made a matching locket necklace and charm bracelet from the large gem too… why?"

"Well… this will sound silly, but each of the 12 months back on Earth has an assigned stone that's meant to bring luck to those born in that month… the second month of the year was given Amethyst, like this. Basically, it's my birthstone…" I was blushing. Being Wiccan, I really did buy into astrology and birthstones and such.

He blushed too, looking rather pleased, and said, "Then I'm even gladder you like it. What um… what was the stone for the first month, Wintermarch?"

"That's right, you were born the 7th of Wintermarch…We called it January, but the stone was a garnet, like this," I pulled the soft brown stone from my bag as a solid ring that was his size; he immediately put it on… I was not telling him that it was enchanted; I'd always know where he was and if he was safe.

"Which specific day is your birthday? You know mine," he seemed a bit keen to know.

"Well… what's today?"

"31st Harvestmere; 30 Dragon," I admit I was stunned. I don't know why I thought the blight started in Wintermarch rather than Justinian…

"Um… well on Earth the 14th of Guardian – we called it February – Was holiday devoted to love. Women gave men they like chocolates and couples would go out to fancy restaurants… that day was, unfortunately, my birthday. Though if my Mom had held out just 5 more minutes I would have been born the next day… I was usually forgotten in the love rush," I shrugged.

He kissed me softly, "Never again, Wife. You have me now, and I won't forget."

I allowed him to slip the Dragon Jewel set onto my neck, wrist and ring finger, replacing the rose necklace that I turned into a key ring where I slipped my old rings onto it.