Chapter Nineteen

Trials

The next morning, as Lelianna made breakfast, everyone was admiring my new Jewelry. Aedan grumbled, but he was getting better.

When we finally decided to get a move on, rather than warn everyone about the high dragon, I merely said, "Ah, this is my chance to make up for that Ogre back in Honnleath…"

I received many worried glances, but Sten looked eager, Morrigan raised an eyebrow, and Shale didn't even react.

We hardly made it out the damn door when the High Dragon roared and swooped down… all I could hear was Alistair yelling "Swooping is bad!" even if he didn't actually say it.

I used my magic to make sure the air above and to the sides of the dragon was solidified, so that it couldn't fly around.

Allowing my wings to spread, I flew up and over the dragon. I caught movement from the corner of my eye and turned just in time dodge a column of fire… but got hit with the tip of a wing instead.

I cursed as I careened and had to catch myself midair. I landed on the Dragons back and used magic to make sure I wouldn't topple. I watched from atop the Dragon as the Warriors began attacking head on while Leli found a nice perch, Zev and Aedan attacked the flanks and the Mages stayed near Leli. I don't think anyone noticed that she avoided attacking Alistair; Good, cause I really didn't want to explain the whole Theirin blood thing right at this moment.

I pulled out a Dalish style Viridium blade, enchanted for cold damage, and buried it deep into the Dragons neck. It roared and began trying to shake me off, but I held fast to blade to stay where I was. I grunted as the High Dragon began to fall. I lost my grip and hit the ground, suddenly trapped beneath a very heavy dragon. I could feel my bones cracking and I used magic to keep the bulk of the weight off me.

I heard Alistair and Aedan shouting, but when I opened my mouth to call out that I was okay, a rush of still-warm blood flooded my mouth. I choked and tried to spit it out, but with so much weight atop me, I couldn't even turn my head. This was just great… I really didn't need any extra power from Dragon Blood, but looked like I was gonna have to suck it up – literally if I didn't want to drown. I had drunk at least 6 ounces before I felt the weight shift.

It had taken Sten, Alistair and Aedan lifting, along with Morrigan using a few force spells to get the Dragon moved. I coughed and tried to expel the blood from my body… it didn't work. My body continued to refuse the allowance of throwing up.

Alistair grabbed me, "Are you alright?" I could see the fear in his eyes and gave him a wry look. "I'll live. Just a set of bruised ribs and some kick ass new power…" I sighed.

"What?" Aedan asked.

"Dragon Blood," Sten and Morrigan said at the same time.

"Indeed… Warriors use it to become Reavers… Mages can significantly boost their powers with it… I have no idea what it will do to me. I'm not a Mage, but rather something else entirely; who knows what this will do to me."

I gathered 2 more bottles of the Dragon blood, laying a spell to keep it 'fresh' on instinct… when I got funny looks I shrugged. I wasn't sure why I did it, but I did have an idea.

The Guardian was much taller that I would have believed from the game. 6'6, if my guess was accurate… his skin was like milk chocolate, his eyes were like caramel and he was wearing full armor.

"I bid you welcome, Pilgrim." The Guardian said.

"Who are you?" Aedan asked. I scoffed and Aedan glanced at me. I bowed my head to the man, "I bid you greetings, Guardian."

He bowed his head to me, "You are the first to make it this far in a very long time. It has been my duty, my life, to protect the Urn and prepare for the faithful who come to revere Andraste. For years beyond counting have I been here, and shall I remain until my task is done and the Imperium has crumbled to the sea."

I shook my head, "The Imperium is much smaller these days. Not anywhere near as powerful as it once was."

"Ah… then perhaps my task is beginning to end."

I nodded, "I am mournful that your brethren thought to revere a false Andraste. I have laid them to rest."

He nodded, "I felt your arrival. You have come to honor Andraste, and you shall – if you prove worthy."

"Ask your questions, Guardian – and let us begin." I smiled.

He nodded solemnly and turned first to Alistair, "Alistair; Knight, Warden and future King – you wonder if things would have been different if you were with Duncan on the battlefield. You believe you could have shielded him from the killing blow. You wonder, don't you… if you should have died in his place?"

"I… if you had asked me that before – maybe a few months ago – I would have said yes; that if Duncan had been saved rather than me, everything would have been better. But now, I have to say no. Ara helped me see… that this world does need me – even if only for a small part. And having Ara – having someone to live for… no, I no longer wonder."

The guardian looked to Shale next, "Shale, there is so little I can draw from you. I feel a distant echo of a soul, dormant for so long, now awake."

"Good for you," She said drily.

Aedan coughed and the Guardian gave a faint smile, "And with the awakening, the slow realization of all you lost. Your entire existence is a test to your will and courage. You have my respect." He then turned again to Wynne.

"You are ever the advisor, ready with a word of wisdom. Do you wonder if you spout only platitudes, burned into your mind by the distant past? Perhaps you are only a tool used to spread the word of the Circle and Chantry. Does doubt ever chip away at your truths?"

She looked confused for only a moment before she chuckled and replied, "You frame the statement as a question, yet you already know our answers. There is no sense in hiding it is there? Yes, I do doubt at times. Only a fool is completely certain of themselves."

He nodded and looked at Leli, "And you… why do you say the maker speaks' to you, when all know he has left? He only spoke to Andraste. Do you believe yourself her equal?"

"Not at all – if anyone were, I would say it is Ara. But she does not believe she is so… I guess the simple answer is no. I know my vision was real – and that is all I need."

"Sten – you came to this land as an observer, but killed an entire family in a blind rage. Have you failed your people by allowing Qunari to be seen in such a light?"

"I have never denied such claims."

"The Antivan elf – many have died at your hand, but there is none you regret more than a woman by the name of…" I cut in, standing in front of Zev and shocking them all, "Either ask a different question or leave him alone. Or I can answer it for you – yes he regrets it; very much so."

The guardian looked startled but nodded and moved on to Morrigan, "Morrigan; Flemeths' daughter. What…?"

She scoffed and waved a dismissive hand, "Be-gone, spirit; I'll not play your games."

He shrugged and looked at Aedan, "Do you feel you failed your parents, leaving them to die?"

"No, my mother all but pushed me out – she stayed to buy me time."

"Then you do not dwell on past mistakes – yours or others."

Then he turned to me. "And you, Abigail, you saved your son from a house fire where you died… you have visions, and have found love so soon after losing those who were important to you. I have no question for you, for I see you have no regret in your actions, nor should you. You may all begin the Gauntlet," he said.

I nodded and wanted nothing more than to stay behind and just… relax. Instead I motioned to the guardian who – surprised – leaned forward for me to whisper, "The Ashes are no longer safe. If you can talk to Mr. Maker, I highly suggest you and the Ashes scram before you have thousands trying to come here for some. It won't be pretty and there will be too many who want the ashes for evil intent."

He looked at me thoughtfully before he seemed to zone out.

I motioned to the others, "Go in and don't do anything – I'll be right there."

They did – only Alistair and Fen stayed behind to hear the guardian say, "The Maker thanks you for the information, and has granted you a boon. In 9 years, the story you know will change. He says you will know when," Shit… I should have kept my big mouth shut. "I thank you, and the Maker. I will do my best to see that things go as they should."

Alistair gave me confused look but followed me into the room of riddles.

I approached the first of the 8 – Brona – and she said, "Echoes from a shadow realm, whispers of things yet to come – Thoughts strange sisters dwell in night, is swept away by dawning light. Of what do I speak?"

"Dreams," I replied.

"A dream came upon me as my daughter slumbered beneath my heart. It told of her life and of her betrayal and death. I am sorrow and regret. I am a mother weeping bitter tears for a daughter she could not save."

Exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks and I gasped softly. This wasn't mentioned in the games… but it made sense from a trial.

I moved on to the next specter, Shartan who said, "I'd neither a guest nor a trespasser be. In this place I belong, that belongs also to me. Of what do I speak?"

"Home," by now Leliana was watching me in calculating silence. Shartan nodded and said, "It was my dream for the people to have a home of their own, where we would have no masters but ourselves. The enemy of my enemy is my friend – and thus we followed Andraste against the Imperium. But she was betrayed, and so were we."

I longed for a place to call home now more than ever – weariness crashed over me. paired with the exhaustion…

As Shartan vanished, I moved to the third – Maferath, "A poison of the soul, passion's cruel counterpart; from love she grows, till love lies slain. Of what do I speak?"

"Jealousy," each correct answer caused at least one of my companions to look at me. Possibly it was that I only spoke the answer and nothing more.

"Yes, jealousy drove me to betrayal. I was the greatest general of the Alamarri, but beside her I was nothing. Hundreds fell before her on bended knee. They loved her, as did the Maker. I loved her too, but what man can compare with a god?" and he vanished.

I felt a great bitterness well up in my chest – for the first time in my life, I felt jealous… but of what? I had no clue.

"She wields the broken sword, and separates true kings from tyrants. Of what do I speak?" I sighed, "Mercy."

"Yes. I could not bear the sight of Andraste's suffering, and mercy bade me end her life. I am the penitent sinner, who shows compassion as he hopes compassion will be shown to him."

I felt torn at that. Mercy was something I always tried to give – but more often than not, mercy wasn't accepted.

I pressed on, approaching Cathaire next. "No man has seen it but all men know it; Lighter than air, sharper than any sword. Comes from nothing but would fell the strongest armies. Of what do I speak?"

"H-hunger," I groaned out. Great – now my gut was in knots and I had three more to go.

"Yes, hunger was the weapon used against the wicked men of the Tevinter Imperium. The Maker kindled the sun's flame, scorching the land. Their crops failed, and their armies could not march. Then He opened the heavens and bade the waters flow, and washed away their filth. I am Cathaire, disciple of Andraste and commander of her armies. I saw these things done, and knew the maker smiled on us." And he vanished. I finally noticed that each time one of them disappeared, one of 8 colored gems would glow on the door.

I moved once more, approaching Havard who asked, "The bones of the world stretch towards the sky's embrace; Veiled in white, like a bride greeting her groom. Of what do I speak?"

"The mountains," I whispered and I felt the weight of worlds hoist upon my shoulders. I stumbled and gritted my teeth while Havard responded, "Yes. I carried Andraste's Ashes out of Tevinter into the mountains to the east where she could gaze ever into Her Maker's sky... No more fitting a tomb than this could we find."

I stumbled my way to the 7th 'ghost' while the others watched in various states of worry or confusion.

Vasilia looked me over and said, "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. The debt of blood must be paid in full. Of what do I speak?"

I was hesitant to answer, but I said it anyway, "Vengeance."

I gasped as pure rage filtered into me – I had to hold back the urge to attack something as Vasilia gave a satisfied smirk and said, "Yes. My husband Hessarian would have chosen a quick death for Andraste. I made him swear that she would die publicly with her war-leaders, that all would know the Imperium's strength."

I fell to my knees before the final woman, Ealisay, as she smiled sweetly and asked, "The smallest lark could carry it, while a strong man might not. Of what do I speak?"

I smiled back and said, "A Tune."

I felt the relief of a blowing wind on a summers' day as she giggled and nodded, "Yes. I was Andraste's dearest friend in childhood, and always we would sing. She celebrated the beauty of life, and all who heard her would be filled with joy. They say The Maker himself was moved by Andraste's song, and then she sang no more of simple things."

I pitched forward as the relief crashed into me completely – this trial… this wasn't only a trial that would give and take what it gave… it took so much more than the negative things it gave.

Alistair helped me to stand and asked if I was okay. I nodded, "We can talk later…"

We all made our way to the next room. To my surprise, the others were staring blankly – likely having their own heart to heart with a 'ghost'.

The man before me stood at 5'7 with long red hair and holding a wonderful 3 year old on his hip. I smiled, "Alex… Levi…"

Alexs' baritone voice rumbled, "We miss you…"

Levi reached for me and I grabbed the boy – knowing that it was merely a wraith that had gone through my memories and picked this form. I held the boy tightly. And he said nothing – even the real Levi wouldn't have – non-verbal most days.

"I miss you both… so much…"

A tear slid from my eye as Alexs' arms wrapped around me, "You know we'll move on – but Levi will never forget you… I promise to remind him… every day."

I sniffled, "I'll never forget either of you…"

Alex reached up to the currently empty second piercing holes in my ears – I had 3 in each; 2 in the lobe and a stud up top. He pressed an earring into each, "One from me – and one from Levi."

The earrings were heart-shaped onyx and dangled an inch. My throat closed up when Alex said, "We have to go now, love – you know we don't get long…"

A sob ripped through my throat, "I-I know."

I handed the child back to Alex and they… they vanished. I came out of my 'vision' at the same time the others' did. Alistair held me, "Who… who did you see?"

He was looking at the new earrings – and I noticed he was wearing a new bracelet. "I saw… my son and husband."

Aedan said, "I saw my dad."

Alistair nodded, "I saw Duncan."

No one else wanted to share but I could mostly guess; Zev saw Rinna, Leliana saw Dorothea, Morrigan and Sten likely saw something but refused to acknowledge it. So on and so forth.

Next was the trial where we fought us. It was thankfully a one on one battle rather than an arena brawl because the specters looked so real.

Sten finished first; then Alistair, Leliana, Aedan, Wynne, Zev, Morrigan and Shale. For me, I was finished just before Leliana – this test was to show how much we grew from the time we joined the group to now.

The specters only seemed to know what we knew when we joined – hence why Sten finished first; he hadn't known Krav Maga back then and the same went for Alistair. Alistairs' specter also couldn't use a pike.

My specter didn't have wings and was unable to use Qunari or Templar or Bard or assassin fighting techniques – I had been learning from all of my friends as I taught them in turn… even if they didn't realize it. I could see the surprise in Stens' eyes when I used a Qunari move to fight against Krav Maga from my specter.

Alistair had only smiled when I used a shield bash. Leliana looked gleeful about my use of her distraction technique. Zev had given me a whistle for my shadow stalker move.

This specter had kept me on my toes, but I had learned so much that I could defeat myself.

Past the 'arena' challenge was the spectral bridge. With so many of us, the Challenge had morphed – the stepping stones were small and you had to have them pressed down in a certain order before you could safely walk the path. I fell fourteen times – my wings didn't work.

Alistair had rushed over after the first one, "Makers' Breath… let me walk the path, Ara… please…"

I gave him a deadpan look, "Hmmm – let the woman walk because her husband is human or let the human walk when his wife destroyed a Keep full of demons and ghouls because he got a scratch? I don't know… what do you all think?"

"… Let Ara walk!" Aedan cried. Leliana nodded, "We need the Ashes and it seems unpredictable if you fall… would she destroy the temple for the affront?"

Alistair frowned, "I get it… why can't Aedan or Zevran…"

"Just get back in line, love – you can scold me later."

He sighed, but did as I said.

When we finally got across, I began stripping down before we even entered the room.

"What are you doing?" Alistair exclaimed.

"The final trial – walk through flame after laying down everything… because when unburdened, beggars and kings are one in the same."

He groaned, but others began stripping as we entered the room too. The Alter was bigger than I expected – at least big enough for me to put everything I had onto it – including my jewelry, my keychain with my old wedding rings, my bag and clothes, and shoes.

Aedan went through first – and was unharmed, of course.

Once all of us were through and we were retrieving our gear, the guardian appeared.

"You have been through the Trials of the Gauntlet and walked the path of Andraste; and like her, you have been cleansed. You have all proven yourselves worthy. You may approach the Sacred Ashes." With those final words, he turned and left – back to his post.

I shrugged and we approached the Urn.

Wynne spoke, "I could not have asked for a greater honor than to be here – I will never forget this feeling."

Shale scoffed, "What an odd thing to do with the honored dead – to store it in a pot."

Morrigan smirked, "I stand in awe – really."

Sten glanced at me, "It looks like a waste bin."

That one I replied to, "The ashes really can heal any illness. And she didn't care for grandeur – which is why the urn looks plain." Sten nodded to that.

Leliana knelt before the urn and whispered, "I never dreamed I would lay my eyes upon it. I… I have no words to… to express…"

Aedan gathered the pinch of Ashes that were needed and we all headed back out.

We began our trek down the mountain after collecting Genitivi who had informed us he would spread the word of this find. Alistair, shockingly, didn't object like in the game… I guess because he knew the Ashes would be gone soon. By silent agreement, Alistair and I didn't tell anyone else about it.

We stopped for one more night in Haven – of course, no one felt comfortable letting our guard down when there were still two cultists in the village, so we used my tent… in a house… with guard patrols as though we were in the wild.

I had felt so much better since leaving the Temple… as tough I needed to do that trial.

Alistair was snuggling with me that night – everyone had decided that I needed him at the moment and Alistair hadn't had a 'patrol' time since we got Shale. I wasn't allowed to patrol due to my religious stand point – according to Aedan, if living bandits came I would try to talk them down rather than defend and I just looked so easy to kill… the bandits would attack.

"Do you want to talk about the… seeing your family?" he asked softly.

"Mmmh – it was the standard goodbye, Alistair. Just… promising me he wouldn't let our son forget me."

He nodded, "Duncan… told me he was proud of the man I became. He said that he had been watching over me since I was a kid – when I was so young. He said he promised my mother…"

I smiled, "That's true. Duncan has checked in on you at least once a year – under the guise of recruiting in Redcliffe at first. When you were sent to the monastery, he made it a point to go to that town for recruits. Every year in Wintermarch… like clockwork."

He stiffened, "I… I never noticed that before, but you're right. I caught a glimpse of him every year… there were some years when he would give me a sweet or something…"

"Birthday presents. He couldn't always be there – and he purposely waited until you were 20 to recruit you – but he was there. I mean, he was a bit of an opportunist when it came to other recruits… I'm pretty sure that he forced the conscription of Aedan when Highever fell with how Aedan acts…"

"What do you mean?"

"Aedan is dead set on killing Howe. When Highever fell, this would mean that Aedan would have been pissed and saying how he couldn't be a Warden – he needed to get revenge. But Bryce would have already told Aedan and Duncan – as he was dying – that he was approving the recruitment so Duncan would have invoked the Right of Conscription when Aedan was insistent that he go after Howe instead. In alternate paths where he recruit someone other than Aedan, it would have been the same – a mage who helped Jowan escape regardless of if they were actually helping or only doing as Irving told; an Elf tainted with the Blight; a dwarf that was framed for killing her family… an elf who killed a nobleman for kidnapping all the women in the alienage for 'fun'. If none of them agreed to go willingly, he'd have conscripted them. Honestly, it'd be for the best – they would live through the Joining, become what Aedan is now and end the Blight. They would also find closure along the way – Aedan kills Howe, the alienage elf would find that their cousin was then leading the Alienage against slavers, the tainted elf would learn their clan-mates' fate, the mage would recapture Jowan and the dwarf would get the chance to reconcile with their family or put someone else on the throne. The other possible dwarf would kill the whole damn carta and learn that their sister is going to marry a noble."

"Makers' Breath… so Duncan would have facilitated the end of the Blight no matter where he recruited for that Joining?"

"Yes – even if he had to Conscript, the recruit would ultimately end up ending the Blight. The only caveat is that not all of them would have been good people. Depending on personality, they could have tainted the urn of sacred ashes, convinced the werewolves to kill the Dalish and join you against the Blight instead or killed the werewolves to secure the treaty, they could have killed the mages and doomed one of the Arls' family to die, or they could have ignored Honnleath and left those people to die. In the end, they could even chose to keep Anora on the throne, recruit Loghain and kill you… it would all depend on personality. If the urn was tainted, Wynne – assuming she wasn't killed defending the mages in the circle and was recruited – would have turned on the leader and died. Leliana too would have attacked for defiling the urn. Zevran may not have lived past the ambush – Sten may not have been recruited at all. Morrigan could be driven off and that could result in the death of you or the warden; Aedan. Fen may not have survived Ostagar. And this isn't even getting into the choices we need to make in Orzammar."

"I… I never realized just ow much of a difference changing one person in the group could make…"

"Yeah – and Hawke is a charming and sarcastic type of man – but what would have happened if he were Diplomatic or Aggressive? Aggressive Hawke would – in the future – kill people if they got in his way, possibly sell someone I like back into slavery, or even give a friend of mine over to the Qun for 'punishment'. Diplomatic Hawke would attempt to avoid all conflict and possibly doom Kirkwall to be overrun with Qunari or Blood Mages. As it stands – depending on his choices – he may piss off the future Guard Captain, annoy the former slave I like, of piss off a prince of Starkhaven."

"… The… you like this former slave?" he sounded a bit jealous.

"Oh yeah – the man is so tragically adorable. I admit, the thought that he can shove his hand into other peoples' chests and rip out their still beating hearts is a bit unnerving, but he has a voice that can make the panties drop like nothing."

"… Do let me know if you plan to take him as a mate – he sounds like someone I wouldn't want to upset…"

"He mostly only kills slavers and he dislikes mages, but he won't hurt me unless I give him good reason to. I doubt that he'd like me anyway – I'm a mage, after all. While it would be possible to romance him as a mage and have him be the sweetest and most protective man in the world – seriously, the man would die to protect his lover – I just don't think I'd be his type."

"He would die to protect his lover… just like that?"

I nodded, "Without hesitation – the man would throw himself on a bomb if it meant saving the one he loved. Fenris is… he has no memory of anything past 2 years ago right now. He had Lyrium tattooed into his skin – all over his body – and the pain was so intense that he lost his memory and his black hair turned white. It's also why his voice is so deep – so much screaming made his throat so raw that it never recovered. Despite his hatred of mages, he won't kill three mage friends of Hawkes' because they are part of Hawkes' crew – and that crew will be sort of like a new family to Fenris. One of those 3 mages will be a Maleficar that really couldn't hurt a damn fly – she'll just make frowny faces and it is so cute actually. She only uses Blood Magic to help fix an ancient Elvhen Artifact. Another of the mages will be a damn abomination – further proving Fenris' point in why he hates mages – but he still doesn't turn the man in."

"Makers' Breath – that man is more resilient than I would be. If I knew an abomination that you didn't give the okay about… I'd turn them in no question. Same for the Maleficar – the only reason I'm not making a frowny face is that you said she would be okay…"

"You see my point then – Fenris deserves all the happiness I can help grant him… even if that means personally holding down his former master while Fenris rips his heart out, I would do it. I may feel like shit later and will have to bury a man that I already hate, but I would do it."

"You'd do that for me if I went through that, though – so it's not so surprising to hear you say that. You told me about Color Witchcraft – White, Grey, Black and Green…"

"White Witches are people who wouldn't harm a mosquito that was eating them. They wouldn't harm anything – ants, spiders or people… Green Witches mostly focus on plants and herbs – and you will usually find their house is an indoor forest. Grey Witches will defend themselves and others, but otherwise won't really harm people. They may squash a spider and swat a fly in day to day life, but they won't actively harm others or seek to use magic for their own gains. Black Witches – as defined by most covens – are people who use their magic for evil or selfish purposes. They would use their magic to kill someone so they could advance. A Black Witch would curse someone – hexes to take their luck away or make them injury prone…"

"You're a Grey Witch now?"

"Yes – because I won't sit by and let those I love die, but I refuse to hurt others if I can help it. Hmmm; I could list examples of color character here in Thedas…"

"Oh, please do…"

"Grey would be Andraste – she revolted against Tevinter for the good of people. White would be Wynne at the moment – notice she doesn't actually kill or hurt; she seriously only heals and dodges when we fight. Black would be the Magister Sidereal – they aspired to Godhood and killed many innocents in that pursuit. I can't currently think of a Green example, but if I do, I'll let you know."

"Wynne… huh – I never noticed that she never once used an offensive spell. Now that you mention it, I'm positive I saw her letting a mosquito bite her without flinching…"

"People can change their color – it isn't impossible to go from Black to White or vice versa. In fact, it's fairly easy to descend to Black Magic. It may be harder to go to white, but nothing in life worth anything is easy."

Alistair kissed me, "That is a fair point – like our relationship. We can't get married because I have to be king… but I won't give you up – not now and not ever. If I have to, I will petition the Divine to see you as my Queen – the nobles would certainly accept any woman who had the Divines' Blessing. Just because it's never been done, doesn't mean that it can't be done."

I giggled, "I love you, Alistair – being Queen would be a pain in the ass, but for you… I suppose I could do it. But would they accept a Mage and one who looks like and Elf?"

"Two words that make the nobles swallow their pride every time: Divines' Blessing. You don't seem to realize just how much people jump at her word – if she said that the Dales were to be returned to the Elves, people would actually do it; they'd grumble and fight but for the most part, they would do it."

I smiled and snuggled into him, "It's a nice dream… and maybe – if we wait until the next divine – it might happen. I guess we'll have to wait and see."

His arms tightened around me, "Good night my love."

"Night," I fell asleep with a smile on my face.