Something You've Read Before

Chapter Five

Constellations

The skies were dark as though it was going to release its tears anytime it would feel like. People flocked around the soon-to-be graveyard, people who were familiar and at the same time, unfamiliar. There went the saying that a person was most remembered at his memorial service. Sounded harsh but nonetheless the truth, the poignant truth. Just on the right corner stood the family members with their other relatives holding them as support. Co-workers were also there, displaying expressions of pity like they were thinking that to die so young was such a waste. But they also forgot the saying that life would never be long enough. Not even a hundred years of living would give room for the unsatisfied human trait.

The soil was damp and the size where the ashes would be rested was just enough. The head of the family placed the porcelain container of the ashes gently, ensuring that it stood even when the assigned person started pouring the dug soil back to its original location. Cries erupted in the scene, obviously the previous days were not enough to release all the tears and that day was no different. Flowers of different kinds and colors were thrown tenderly on the flat gravestone. Yuu recognized her mother's favorite flowers and he was glad that some people knew about it. No, he didn't throw one because he placed a kiss instead. Weird and unnecessary but Yuu felt fulfillment from doing it. It was his way of saying goodbye, at least for that day.

Yuu and his family just had the funeral and it all seemed heavier than the clouds storing water above. Like a blur, the day went by so fast and Yuu almost did not ready himself to send his mother away. On the contrary, Yuu did not cry heavily, loudly, and desperately in the false belief that the action would bring his mother back. His father and sister were the opposite because they displayed expressions of mourning and it hurt Yuu everyday and he knew that it would not end soon. If things got worse, it would never end. That possibility scared Yuu to the bones.

He saw his friends on the corner, careful not to make any ruckus during the funeral. They all wore black in respect with the event. Before Yuu made his way to his relatives, he first made a stop to greet his friends. Somehow, when he smiled, he could feel lighter and it was a big help in order to face the people who cared about him and his mom.

"Yuu!" Sumire called, waving a hand. "Condolences for you and your family," she added.

It was a rare sight to see Sumire acting less showy and not noisy. Yuu remembered Sumire's text the other day indicating that he should not feel so alone much because they were grieving with him. He had not expected to receive that kind of message from Sumire who was always edgy and superior. It really showed Sumire's caring side that she tried to hide behind her looks and attitude.

"Cheer up, Yuu. We're all here for you," Nonoko said.

Yuu smiled at her. "Thanks, Nonoko." He really did want to thank Nonoko for arranging things back at school. She arranged the visit of the faculty members and changed the schedule of some of the activities lined up for him.

"Yuu," Anna greeted with a hug, "I am so sorry for your lost."

Anna had been there for him in good and in bad, always telling him to call when he needed someone to talk to. He remembered Anna's comforting words when he told them about his mother. They were all surprised because they had not noticed that Yuu was going through something. Anna hugged him then and she hugged him at the funeral and Yuu knew that she was the kind of girl similar to his mother. Someone who could make him feel good even at the worst times. Anna pushed him to be the best also, guiding him learn new things and retain whatever good he had. With that quick hug, a flashback of all Anna's caring acts travelled Yuu's mind.

"We loved her so much but we believe that she's in a much better place now," Yuu replied.

"You know we're always here for you. Don't forget that. Okay?" Koko reminded.

Koko's black shirt suited the atmosphere like it was bought for this happening. Yuu smiled at his friend, knowing fully that even if Koko was such a goof, he was still the kind of friend that would never let you go alone. Koko was there when Yuu needed someone to drive him in a convention. Koko gave him funny advices when it came to Anna that Yuu considered but did not apply. Koko dragged him inside the car on the night of the school festival for him to get to the hospital and see his mother even if it was late. Yuu remembered Koko's attempt to make him laugh the other day and yesterday. It was the kind of effort Yuu admired.

"Thank you, guys. Really. For making me feel better especially that it's really hard to do so."

Ruka placed an arm on Yuu's shoulder. "It takes time but we know you and your family will heal, Yuu. No one is forcing you to be okay now because that is impossible so it's okay to feel sad, there's nothing wrong with being angry at the world either but only for a short time."

"I understand, Ruka. Thank you for staying with us. I know it's still busy back at school but you guys are still here."

"Please don't mention it. We want to be here for you more than anything else and I think Natsume has a one or two things to say," Ruka said.

Natsume smirked at Ruka, hating his way of introduction. Saying all this encouragements made it seem like it was a requirement, like it if he did not say anything he would be the bad guy. "I don't need to say things that you already know but in case you forget, I want to tell you that life goes on."

Yuu laughed shortly. He already expected that from Natsume who was a man of few words. Yuu hugged Natsume and assured him that he would always remember his advice. Although Natsume had a little problem in socializing with others, Yuu was glad to have him as a friend and besides Natsume Hyuuga was still the Natsume Hyuuga so it made him feel more fortunate.

"Hi, Hotaru."

"Hello. Nice to see you doing great. I am sorry that Mikan could not come."

That got everyone's attention because they all knew that Mikan was close to Yuu ever since they were little especially Natsume who witnessed their closeness. Of all the days that she would not come, she chose today. What could be more important than being with a friend? What irked Natsume more was that he saw Narumi earlier and it didn't seem like they had a family affair to attend to. Sumire asked already why Mikan was nowhere in sight but Hotaru only answered 'she's somewhere important' which was a very vague and objectionable retort. More reasons to refuse Mikan as a potential someone for Ruka. Natsume hated the kind of people Mikan showed him, them, that day.

"It's alright, Hotaru. I actually understand and if you guys are curious to where Mikan is, I think she is somewhere more important at the moment," Yuu explained.

Natsume only grunted. What's up with the same answer? Did these guys know something that they don't? Well, Natsume could care less because he was full of disappointment for one girl. He almost thought that Mikan would say the mushiest things and would cry at an instant. She was also MIA the other day when they visited Yuu and yesterday. Why Yuu was not feeling angry at all? Natsume could not fathom but he guessed that Yuu did not want to be sadder anymore.

After all, Yuu was the one who lost somebody, not him.

The funeral happened a week ago. Natsume could not believe that the days passed just like that. Yuu was back at school today, he bumped into him at the gates earlier. They greeted like they did before the tragedy and Natsume did not know if he was being insensitive for not asking if he was fine but Yuu acted dandy all the way. He felt his phone vibrated and when he checked it was just a text from Anna. Another meeting after class. All his responsibilities caught up to him after escaping it due to Yuu's situation. So caught up that he still felt upset with Mikan's unexplainable action.

Speaking of Mikan Sakura, she still ignored and avoided him like she knew that getting near him was a bad idea. Natsume made up his mind to thwart Mikan Sakura's plan whatever happened. She finally showed him what kind of person she was. He did not say a word about it but he would definitely do something about it. Natsume grabbed his bag and searched the hallways. He just felt that more or less Mikan would be journeying the same hallways he was in at the moment. To his luck, he saw her and with no one around her. Double luck.

Natsume stepped more rapidly than natural to reach her. Good thing that Mikan took the same direction to where he planned to go so she was not able to see him approaching. A few more steps and he was finally near. Natsume grabbed Mikan's arm to which she yelped, gripped it tightly, and dragged her to the nearest wall to prevent her from escaping. Mikan struggled by kicking anything but he only empowered her.

"What the hell is your problem?!"

Natsume almost laughed at the question because he expected for her to say that first. "Why don't you answer your own question?"

Mikan twisted her arms in the hope it would be released from Natsume's monstrous grip. She could see her upper extremities getting pale, already deficient in circulation, and with that she could feel his anger. Mikan had no idea where did this action root from except from the fact Natsume hated her.

"This is inhumane! You have no right to trap me."

"You are my problem. Your attitude is my problem. And what you did to Yuu is one big part of why you piss me off."

"Is that the reason why you are acting like an animal?" Mikan retorted, unfazed by Natsume's superior gestures and verbal abuse.

Seeing her acting like she was unaffected irritated him more. Mikan had some realizations to do and yet she didn't acknowledge it so here he was putting an effort, hoping for her to completely go away, to leave his friends alone. It didn't help that she was a girl, in fact, that just made it worse. The hallways were still quiet, a sign that they were late on whatever class they should be attending to right now, but the emptiness of the halls only gave Natsume the advantage to hear what he wanted to hear from Mikan.

"At least I don't leave my friends whenever they need me."

Mikan smiled bitterly. Now, she knew where he was coming from. She wanted to punch him in the gut, kick him in the shins, strangle him to death, and laugh at his face. Mikan checked her arms again and saw an opportunity to slip from his hold but when Natsume noticed her plan, he just held harder. Mikan took this as a bigger challenge and put a hard face on just to prove that she was no damsel in distress and Natsume was an easy opponent.

Of course, Natsume accepted the nonverbal challenge. He glared at her with all his might and she just smiled sarcastically at her. She was toying with him while he was trying to be calm because if he exploded, he would be the loser and all this would just be a laughing stock for Mikan. Why did he need to meet a girl like her? It was frustrating and at the same time he was asking himself, why? Was there a reason? Mikan then kneed him in the stomach in which he loosen his grasp and eventually pushed by her. Natsume heard her talk nonsense.

"Wow. I never thought I would hear that from you, Natsume Hyuuga. Aren't you some big shot that we can't please? You have a problem with my attitude. Okay, I know that already. So, I want you to know that I am experiencing the same with your attitude, asshole. You don't even know the whole story. You don't even know me."

"That's ridiculous. Do I need to know you so much to not label you as a person with no care? Aren't you good with that? Prying with other people's problems? Why didn't you do so with Yuu?"

Mikan was taken aback because she proved to herself that Natsume was watching, observing, taking note of her. She knew it was not something to be happy for but Natsume hated her prying tendencies and now he was acting like a complete jerk because she didn't do the tendency with Yuu. Closing her eyes for a moment made her also realize that she was the same, taking note of Natsume. The man had two sides of him and he didn't know that he was makingg her see that.

"I see."

"Don't act like you got it all figured out," Natsume scoffed.

Mikan ignored his remark and continued with her explanation. "You're concerned of Yuu. I don't know if I will be glad or not that you think I am an important part in Yuu's recovery."

Natsume could not answer back immediately because if he would, he might agreed with her. Unconsciously, he thought of that and that was why he was so angry because Mikan was absent during the time Yuu needed her most. But he was only concerned for Yuu and nothing else although he would never admit it, especially not in front of her. He stepped back, releasing her in the process but still his eyes were full of resentment.

"Forget that. It doesn't even matter anymore."

When Mikan was about to explain further, he would take back what he said. That was very irritating for her, not to mention confusing. She watched him distance himself as if he was afraid that the closer he was, the more she would see it all. Although, there had been no trace of regrets evidenced in his expression, Mikan could feel Natsume was surprised at what he did.

"Nothing that concerned me matters to you so should I be affected?"

True. Natsume would not care even if she got hit by a bus, wouldn't he? Mikan frowned at the thought because at the back of her mind, she wished somebody would care, even him.

"Don't get near Ruka again. Don't even think about going after him."

When nothing was left to say, Natsume would get back into threatening her to stay away from Ruka. This was also a big mystery for Mikan, why he did not want her to be friends with Ruka. What was so wrong with friendship? Yes, Mikan wanted more than that but still Natsume had no right to tell what to do or choose friends for Ruka Nogi.

"Why? Do you know better Ruka himself? In fact, why is he even part of this conversation? What's that got to do with Yuu?"

"Do you know why Ruka and I are friends?" Natsume hissed, making sure she would be scared of him by now. Mikan glued her stare onto him, could not think of the answer, and just shook her head slowly. Natsume smirked, knowing he had the upper hand again. "It's because we share the same opinion that people who leave their responsibilities are not worth treating with respect. People that are only present during good times and nowhere to be seen in rough times, they are disgusting."

All accusations, Mikan thought, but it did not spare her feeling because she still felt pain at every word. Word wars with Natsume were never this emotional and personal. She literally felt the heaviness in her chest like throwing piles of sand to make her stop from moving. Right now, it was either she was going to cry or yell, Mikan chose to yell to maintain her strong aura and features. She did not need Natsume to know her weaknesses or the truth that words hurt her like swords stabbing through every organ of the human body.

Mikan pushed Natsume with all her strength, astonishing the boy with her reaction. She made sure it hurt him and when he winced, she smiled in success. Her facial muscles hardened and she could sense her eyes widening. Mikan was ready to be violent at any time but that was so not her personality and instead asked Natsume what was his main problem with her.

"What did I ever do to you? For you to stab me with words, for you to see me like an insect, for you to say things that hurt me, for you to care what I do and don't do. Do I even bother you? Have I offended you before you offended me? Is it something not forgivable with an apology? Why don't you just tell the whole world how bad I am, huh Hyuuga? Isn't that what you want? Why don't you do that so they will know how much of a condemnatory person you are?"

"You're just like them. That's why."

"Bloody hell. Stop that!"

"Stop what?" Natsume asked, challenging her to point out what anger her most.

"Stop comparing me to unknown entities. I am not them and I am, without a doubt, different. You don't understand it, Hyuuga."

"Let's talk about this further and see who understands more."

"People are different! Do not generalize and do not say another word of me being like them because believe it or not no one or not a thing in this world is similar so you can't go sprouting nonsense like 'They're just all the same' because that is crap! In fact, I am so tired of bantering with you. Can't we just live in peace? Stay out of each other's business?" Mikan was out of breath and when she sensed that he would not agree, she unsatisfactorily smiled, riled up with the drama. "If you will excuse me, I have classes to attend to."

Natsume winning in a billiard game was no surprise but Natsume winning a game without even letting the opponent hit was an entire different story. His accuracy heightened when he was pissed off, at least that was Koko's theory in all the instances Natsume showed his wrath, which brought back the memory when they played football and Natsume aced the game. They never played again knowing who will be the winner every time.

"Bad mood?" Koko asked the obvious.

Ruka snapped back from watching his best friend in awe. "Tell me about it. Natsume's acting so cranky since he got here. Man, this is so annoying."

Koko went back to his seat, admitted his defeat already. He drank the first glass he saw and continued his conversation with the president. "You're annoyed? Did I hear that correctly, Ruka? Since when did you get annoyed?"

Ruka sighed and glanced at Natsume one more time. "We all know Natsume's temper is one big task to handle."

"Now that you reminded me of it, I feel a little worried." Koko chuckled, standing up to offer Natsume a drink just to test his mood. "Hey, Nattie!" he called.

"Shut it, goof boy."

Koko shivered in fear and rapidly went back to his seat, finishing his drink in one gulp, completely nervous. "Yep, he is definitely not in a very good mood."

Ruka only laughed, fully convinced that it was not time to ask Natsume about the details even if he was not sure a guy like Natsume would tell them about it.

"What happened this time, Natsume?"

"Am I ever the kind of person who talks about problems that rivals the level of shit?" Natsume spat.

"Do we know the person?" Ruka continued to ask, not bothered by Natsume's words.

"Person? How do you know if it's even a living thing?"

Koko laughed hysterically. "Well, it's a non-living thing?"

Natsume glared at the funny boy. "Shut it."

"When was the last time something like this happened? When you and Aoi fought with her meddling with your affairs or when you and Tsubasa made your family gathering one of your competitions?"

Natsume did not want to remember those circumstances and almost regretted it because of his childish antics. He decided not to answer his friends and focus on the ball, they could not do anything to remove the annoyance either. Next time, he would not call his friends to accompany him anymore because they're acting like girls, waiting for gossip.

Koko rubbed his head, stretching his arm next. "Sorry, Nat. It's just that we are curious who it is this time. Someone we know or someone you only know? Is it a girl?"

"How's Yuu?" Natsume asked suddenly.

Koko was quick to reply. "He sent a text indicating he's fine. Hey, don't change the subject."

"I'm not."

"Is this about Yuu in general?" Ruka interjected.

"Kinda."

"Whom did you argue with?"

"No one important."

An image of Mikan getting the last laugh crossed Natsume's mind and how could he not answer her many question. God, all he had to do was answer her and he thought he had a lot to say. Distracted as he was, he still managed to beat Koko at this game so that relieved him even if it was a millimeter.

Ruka was tired of the non-straight answers. "You are beating around the bush. If the person isn't important, you wouldn't be this snobbish around us."

"I'm out."

Natsume threw the cue stick and grabbed his bag. His time with these two whiny friends was over and now he was ought to rest in some place quiet. Ditching classes was not something new to him and not something that was new to his teachers also. He didn't feel like coming back to school with a bad mood then facing the rest of the council and Mikan Sakura, if he would ever see her again.

"Natsume!" Koko yelled, trying to catch up with his moody friend.

Ruka halted Koko, following Natsume with his eyes of worry. "Let him be, Koko. Maybe he's not ready to talk about it."

"It's Natsume we are talking about. When is he ready to talk about something? Remember before? Took us one year to get him talking. I can't believe that guy." Koko was exaggerating but only because he was concerned. He was also getting into a foul mood, good thing his phone rang. "Excuse me for a moment, my humble buddy. Yes, Sumire darling?"

Ruka made a face in disbelief. "What a fast change in mood."

With Koko's voice as his background, Ruka continued to ponder over Natsume's actions. All they got was Yuu was involved in this or got involved somehow. The tragedy that went to Yuu affected them all and even though Natsume was not a showy person when it came to feelings, he still showed his thoughtful and concerned side. But, why would such a sad story turned him into his growling state? Ruka knew he fought with someone, maybe someone important to Yuu, someone they all knew who was and that was why Natsume refused to reveal the identity.

"Hey, sorry, I can't go right now maybe later. Why? Because we will run after Natsume."

"We will?" Ruka asked in disbelief.

Koko nodded and mouthed to Ruka that he should just play along. "He's in a bad mood and he made his dramatic exit so we figured out we would squeeze him the answer why. Oh no, I'm not doing this to avoid you. Why would you think so? That's nothing but crap." Koko was obviously lying and they both knew Sumire noticed it too. "Wait, darling. What did you say, Ruka? Should we be going now?"

"I didn't even say anything," Ruka mumbled, his one hand under his chin out of frustration because they had classes to attend to.

"Listen, I will call you later when a development happened. Hope that this won't take longer than expected. Bye, Sumire my loves!"

"What was that?" Ruka inquired, his tone not happy.

"I needed to get away," Koko replied seriously as if he was doing this for the past days.

"Get away? What the, am I hearing this correctly?"

Koko nodded. "Apparently, Sumire was hit by the realization that life is too short to do everything during the funeral of Yuu's mom. She started writing a bucket list and with me on its every number. The hell, Ruka, she's acting unusual."

"She'll get over it."

Koko agreed but looked impatient. "Yeah, well, better do it quickly."

"And if not? What will you do?" Ruka dared to ask, testing Koko's limitations. "Obviously, you are trying to get away from her due to many reasons. What recently happened just triggered your response today."

Koko blinked repeatedly at how much his friend got him. It always pleased Koko that he was the kind of man who was easy to read unlike Natsume who was one hard shell to crack. For Koko, he was the mediator of their gang, being the funny one and suggesting ridiculous times almost all the time and for that he looked immune to problems, great at masking all the hurt but still his real friends could sense if there was an underlying predicament.

"Man, you always get me. You see, Sumire and I have been together for two years and we follow the same routine every day. I just want a fresh environment and after that I am ready, surely, I will get back to her. If you doubt my love for her, do not worry. It's still for eternal."

"Okay. I believe you, Koko." But Ruka's tone seemed to deceive his thinking as well. "But we will not search for Natsume unlike you told to Sumire because I think that guy needs time."

"I know. I'm just making up an excuse anyway," Koko cleared with a pout then smiled when he thought of an idea. "Hungry?" he asked.

Ruka looked incredulously at Koko. Didn't they just consume glasses of juice drinks? "Not really but I don't want to be here anymore. Besides, we have classes."

Koko agreed to the statement and they went out of their hangout. They had fifteen minutes left for them not to be late on their next class. Koko was already thinking of excuses to tell Sumire about their supposed-to-be rescue for Natsume and he just figured out that he would say something along with the lines that Natsume Hyuuga was nowhere to be seen. He realized that they could not ditch classes like that because they were persons the school looked up to.

When they reached the white stairs of the academy, they almost bumped into Hotaru Imai who was carrying books and papers that time. The large wall clock at the stairs told them they only had five minutes to avoid being tardy but they could spare some time for a chitchat.

"Hey, Hotaru!"

"No need to be so loud, Yome."

Koko faked being sad, his eyes down as the same happened to his smile. "Aww, we've been friends for so long, Hotaru, and yet you still call me by my last name."

"Am I hearing the same complaint again? Cut the crap, Yome. I know it doesn't bother you a bit."

"Aren't you going to greet our president?" Koko suggested but he had an ulterior motive for saying so.

Ruka was caught in surprise, blushing a little and feeling embarrassed at Hotaru's presence. The girl intimidated him so much despite being a year higher and being the president. He stuttered the last time he had a private conversation with her so he could not afford to stutter again. Feeling a little confident, Ruka paid his full attention to Hotaru Imai, noting her neat and well-ironed uniform, her soft hair, and her pale complexion.

"Hi, Nogi." Hotaru said it just to shut Koko up, not interested in having a teasing banter with the boy.

"Hi, Imai."

"If you will excuse me, I have better things to do than stand here and chat with you."

Koko adjusted a little to his right to give Hotaru her way. The two boys watched her in silence as she descended the stairs. Koko glanced at his friend who was still watching the trails of the Ice Queen. He patted Ruka on the back, snapping the trance expression of the president.

"She's really ice cold."

"Yeah."

Koko loved how far away Ruka's mind was. "And you are the warm one. A match made in heaven perhaps?"

"Yes— what?!"

"Just kidding, Ruka."

Ruka skipped a heartbeat with that.

End of Chapter

What do you think? ; ) Where do you guess this story is leading to?