Something You've Read Before
Chapter Six
Coordination
Four days passed and Mikan had not still taken the initiative to talk matters to Yuu, according to Natsume's informants namely Sumire and Koko. Mikan did not join Hotaru in lunch and in other free time also. Natsume did not need to ask why Mikan was MIA in their group's activities because he knew he was involved with it. On the contrary, Natsume had no guilt feelings on the way he relayed his point to Mikan Sakura because he did that to teach her a lifetime lesson. Natsume had enough encounters of people disappointing him so if he could eradicate potential persons that would do the same, he would do so. Although, deep inside Natsume wished Mikan would so something already with the complicated situation.
It was supposed to be simple, this Yuu situation, but Natsume purposely chose to take matters in a dazzling, crooked way. Natsume wanted it dramatic, emotional. He wanted to see Mikan in tears, to test if she had any other emotions besides being happy and it turned out she had other expressions. No tears only angriness. Concluding that Mikan Sakura had no patience as vast as the sky would be safe, but finalizing his judgment about her seemed to be hard for Natsume on the past moments. Before, it was easy for the boy to say that Mikan Sakura was an advantage-seeking girl hitting at his best friend, that she was the type who would want her name to sparkle to get the attention to the extent of helping other people. Natsume's judgment on her got blurry, confused why Mikan refused to see Yuu, why Mikan acted out of character that day. MIkan Sakura acted like him.
Mikan Sakura's whole persona was similar to those of black and white shadows which wore a smile but held sad eyes. It was not all coordinated.
"I'm kinda worried," Sumire began.
"Of what, Dear?" Koko asked, chewing his favorite gum.
Koko was still trying to avoid Sumire by all means but the council work won't let him do his thing. For a while, he postpones trying to get away from her.
"It's just that Mikan's not showing her face to us and when she does, it's because of her work in the committee. Don't you think it's getting weird? First, she did not come to the funeral then she was almost nonexistent after that, and now she is totally ignoring us," Sumire informed.
Koko nodded, yawned as he stretched his arms. "Well, Hotaru is her best friend."
Hotaru rolled her eyes. "Just because she declares I am her best friend means I know her whereabouts or can explain the way she is acting."
The Student Council held weekly meetings, preferably on a Wednesday, in order for them to prepare for any activities in a longer time. In a wide, wooden table painted with glossy shade of chestnut brown was where the brainstorming and throwing of suggestions happened. Yura, the secretary, would have her laptop or pen and paper always on the go to come up with documentation. Usually, they would finalize the plan on the second or third meeting. They had to wait long because with these brains involved, it was hard for them to reach a decision immediately because of all the arguing.
Not all their Wednesdays were hectic; there were unique days like today when they were just reviewing their tallied expenses during the festival, checking if they missed a cent, in case the Treasurer's Office of the school question them. The financial statement of each year's council had always been a subject of criticism from the said department, wherein they scrutinized every detail to prove that there were no irregularities in handling the school budget. Ruka did not want to make an enemy out of school officials so he was very strict in supervising the report.
Koko arranged the reports by date, making sure they had not missed a day. He was the SC's auditor and if it would be viewed in a common student's point of view, Koko had a lot of work to do. He had to coordinate with Hotaru now and then; that whatever transactions they made, he had information about it. Whatever was out needed to be the same when coming back in, that's mostly his job. Koko was not the type of person who would be fazed by matters like paper works though. He was cool with everything.
When Yura suggested that they should have a 15-minute break, everyone agreed and stood from their seats. Just outside the SC office was a coffee vending machine, a huge help when had to stay until midnight just to wait for the printing of reports. Sumire was the one who exited the room first, gasping when she saw Yuu the moment she opened the door. The two laughed at what happened. Yuu was welcomed energetically by the council, its members quite astonished to see him making the first move to talk to them.
But Yuu eyed the rest of the council as if sending a private message. Automatically, everyone gave way for Natsume and just like that Ruka announced that he had another president work to do, Hotaru suddenly wanted brewed coffee, Yura said she wanted to grab some real food, and Koko joined his dear outside for instant coffee. Natsume was not oblivious in their oh-so-obvious action, already solved the puzzle of Yuu's purpose in this unexpected visit.
"Natsume, hi." It was the same tone Yuu had before his mother left. Somehow, it relieved Natsume.
"Yuu. How are you?"
While Yuu took comfort on the seat near the door, Natsume went for his bag near the window to grab his Gatorade. Natsume was thirsty from all the explaining he had to since morning. When he saw two groups of freshmen playing soccer on the field, he felt a little jealousy on how carefree they could be while he had to be stressed out with silly, little things like wondering if Mikan made a move already.
"I'm getting better. At least, that's what I think," Yuu explained, his tone turned gloomy. He adjusted his glasses, focusing on the trophies which members of the council achieved for the past years. "So, I heard something about you and Mikan fighting because of me."
Natsume consumed his drink. "That's the least of your worries now."
Yuu noted the tired smirk plastered in Natsume's face. Yuu was put into a tight spot when he got to know from Hotaru that Natsume and Mikan fought because of him. His first thinking was if he had to choose between Natsume and Mikan's side but quickly shook the idea. It was actually funny. Choosing sides was for the immature.
"You did not have to do that although I can feel your concern but you see Natsume, Mikan is different. She's not the person you see from the outside."
Yuu did not know if his statement came out as a defensive blow to Natsume but he did not sit well on his friend's reaction.
"Don't try to defend her. I know her enough to say that she's not the kind of person you want to be around with."
Yuu stood up, desperate to make Natsume understand without revealing too much. "Mikan had ups and downs too, Natsume. More than you can imagine. Please apologize to her."
Good thing that Natsume learned the art of delaying his emotions. There was one time when he got hit by a ball right in the head, he did not flinch but minutes later felt the impact. Like now, he was close to laughing at what Yuu told him to do. Apologizing to Mikan Sakura did not even cross his precious mind.
"You're kidding, right?" Natsume challenged.
"I don't want a conflict like this in our group. We are all friends."
"She's not my friend," Natsume was quick to say.
Yuu sighed, looking down then to his side. Suddenly, the compilation of photos in a bulletin board caught his attention. Everyone was present there. Officials of various organizations were all smiling in the pictures. There was the SC when they were inaugurated, when they did their first project, Mikan was there in the pictures from the school festival. Natsume was present in few of the pictures, even if he did not smile, Yuu could tell from his eyes that he enjoyed a bit. Yuu thought, they could be friends.
"Maybe if you would both open your minds a little then you will be able to appreciate each other," Yuu said absentmindedly, thinking how opposite Mikan and Natsume were. "If Mikan went to that funeral, she would go mad. You see, she hates funerals. She hates goodbyes. She hates leaving and she hates when people leave her. I can bet you my final exams that she's thinking of what to say to me now."
Natsume crossed his arms, examining Yuu's words just now. It all seemed startling facts of Mikan Sakura because the girl looked like she had no issues in her life at all. "Does she have some dark secret that you and Imai don't want us to know?" he asked in jest, not really caring of Yuu's answer.
"It's not a secret. It's just that some things are left to be unspoken."
Natsume kept his lip tight. He hated to say it but he was actually getting interested with her minute by minute. It's like it was all an act waiting to be discovered. He could already hear Sumire's squeaky voice from the outside while Koko was shushing her down. Natsume thought that his other friends were waiting long enough.
"You know what's really funny about you two?"
Natsume was not amazed. He hated being compared to her of all people. "Nothing. There is nothing funny about us."
Yuu was unstoppable even if he had a gentle nature.
"It's that I know that of all the people you encountered with, she will understand you most and you will understand her the same. Mikan is a very cheerful person, always saying what she has on her mind and yet she's still a mystery. Don't you agree?"
Weird. Judging from Yuu's words, it looked like Mikan was still a puzzle for him. Natsume was even more curious.
Ruka estimated that Yuu needed at least 30 minutes in talking with Natsume and that was just if The Vice President would cooperate and would not shut his mind from suggestions. It was Ruka who told Hotaru that Natsume had a clash with an unknown person that was suspected to be Mikan. Hotaru expressed astonishment for a mere second back then which also surprised Ruka and with that he concluded that Mikan still kept secrets from her own best friend.
He was travelling quite a busy hallway when he passed by the see-through windows of the library. Ruka was greeted by freshmen and sophomores and then he saw the topic of their conversation before they had their break: Mikan Sakura. She was sitting at one the long tables inside the library, looking intently at the material on her hands. The sun rays directly hit Mikan's table but she didn't look bothered by it, even a little. Ruka made his way onto the entrance, earning a few stares from the small crowd. He grabbed a random book and quietly joined Mikan in her table.
"I didn't peg you as a library girl."
Mikan almost dropped the book she was reading when she heard the voice. When she saw the owner of the voice, she really did drop the book this time but rapidly regained it. Ruka approached her in such isolated place. She would have rejoiced by now if only she wasn't inside a library, instead let out a nervous chuckle.
"Library girl?" she asked innocently, trying to look cute in front of the crush of her life.
Things happened sooner than she expected. Ruka making a casual conversation with her was one month earlier, that's according to Mikan's imaginary timeline. She tried to calm down even though her heart was beating erratically, she could really hear its thump.
"A kind of girl who hangs out in a quiet library whenever she wants to escape the world," Ruka said in an informative way.
This was the crush of her life taking note of her. Mikan wanted to slam her book on the table and dance on top of it in happiness. But, that would mean losing all her good points in Ruka so she chose the more logical reaction to express.
"Wow, Ruka. Escape the world? Do I look like I'm escaping the world with you here?" Mikan teased, her voice sounded like it has more bass than pitch.
"Oh, so you don't want my presence then?"
Mikan shook her head, turning serious. "Not really." It's totally the opposite. "What brings you here?" she finally asked.
Ruka rested his arms on the table, crossing his fingers as he spoke. He completely set aside the book he took for props. "To be honest, nothing. But when I saw you through that glass window, I figured I'd stop by."
With dreamy eyes, Mikan stared at him. "I think we've gotten closer since the dance," she muttered then covered her mouth in embarrassment. Mikan avoided Ruka's stare and covered her blushing cheeks. She was stomping her feet and looked like scolding herself.
The reactions Mikan showed only made Ruka wonder and made his eyes narrow, almost weirded out by the spectacle before him. He only watched as she hid her face, acting as if she blurted out something that should not have been said although he did not find anything wrong about that. Ruka really found it hard to see the rationale why girls would act different all of a sudden.
"Is it close enough to tell me why you're avoiding us?" Ruka asked to continue the conversation.
Mikan got back to her composed self. More than her blurting out unnecessary words, she was more embarrassed on her reaction. "You can tell now that I had a fight with Hyuuga," she began, finding her voice. "So, it's just plain and simple not to mingle with you guys. I don't want to add fuel to the fire."
Glancing at the book which took Mikan's interest, Ruka asked, "Why do you hate each other?" The title of the books was not familiar and it had a mysterious aura attached from it. The title said, Into the Looking Woods I Rest.
"It would be embarrassing on my part if I tell you the reason. Besides, it really happens in real life. You will find a person you can't agree with. You will banter until you want. And that sums up your roles to one another."
"Natsume just wants Yuu to be okay."
"I know," Mikan whispered with eyes directed at Ruka's, a proof that she realized that long before. "I know," she repeated, this time making Ruka heard.
"Admit it. He's not so bad after all."
Ruka lied when he said the reason why he went on the library. He said 'nothing' when it was clear that he wanted to convince Mikan about Natsume's good intentions behind those bad actions. Mikan appreciated the effort still and Natsume was not really that bad considering his reasons. Besides just admitting that Natsume was not so bad after all, Mikan also wanted to admit that she wanted to apologize to him but first the Natsume Hyuuga needed to learn a lesson.
"Yeah," Mikan agreed, closing her book. "Please don't worry about me," she added.
Sun rays changed direction already. It was not just a shadow in their seat as if it was never there before. Ruka could see Mikan taking out notes from her class and then put it back. It looked like she was just finding something to do to be busy.
"Okay. So, ahmm, whom you've been with on the past days?" Ruka asked, restarting the conversation.
Mikan made a recalling face. "Mostly myself but if I see Hotaru, I cling onto her."
"You're so close with Imai. I kinda envy you."
It was Ruka's turn to blush at his words.
"Why?" Mikan asked, a smile growing on her lips.
Ruka was wide-eyed, thinking of what to say. "What? Did I say anything?" he nervously mumbled.
"Why are you envious of my friendship with Hotaru?" Mikan asked innocently.
"Nothing really. It's just everybody thinks so, I guess. It's hard to reach her and yet you do it effortlessly."
"Oh, I was thinking a very different reason just now," Mikan said, looking at the untouched books three tables away from them. "Hotaru barely lets you see her emotions but that doesn't mean she can't feel. She is human too. What I know is that Hotaru notices everything, even the smallest actions. She appreciates it, so I bother her everyday because I know she appreciates my presence."
Ruka smiled at the information. "That was enlightening. Thank you."
Mikan made a cute salute. "No probs."
Students of Alice Academy enter the school with rush and energy but when they leave the premises, they were quiet, prim and proper. Mikan inhaled the surprisingly fresh air in the middle of the city, clenched and unclenched her fist. Her back against the wall of Alice Academy's main building with one foot resting on the ground while the other made contact on the same wall. She could hear students chitchatting about familiar topics and suddenly the quiz she'd taken just this afternoon popped into her mind. She did well on that, well, she prepared abundantly for the quiz. Her thoughts diverted into a different direction when Natsume passed by her. Mikan made sure that she was not seen though despite being exposed.
Her phone vibrated and finally thewait was over. Earlier today, she sent Yuu a message that they should meet up since it's been long since they last saw each other's faces. That message meant she was ready to talk. They planned to meet at the parking lot of the school. By this time, cars had left the vicinity and only a few would be left so they figured out that would be the most private public place they could get. In Alice Academy's huge parking lot, tress enclosed with bricks stood after every five parking spaces. In there, they could get some shade, hang out, wait for their ride to come, or simply just talk.
Mikan was running due to time constraints and when she reached the destination, she could count the number of cars left with her fingers. She spotted Yuu at the middle of the parking lot, making small walks back and forth. Her bag was heavy since she rented out the book she was reading back at the library but that didn't decrease her ability to run fast.
"Hey, Yuu."
Yuu stopped on his tracks, looking up with a timid smile. "What's up, Mikan?"
"Sorry I'm late. I did it on purpose though."
They both laughed and took a seat on a free bench just a few meters away from them. Yuu's bag was already on the bench when Mikan placed hers beside it. She then placed her phone on the pocket of her purple backpack.
"Want some ice-cold coffee?" Yuu asked, bringing out two moist bottles of coffee from his bag.
Mikan took the offer and quickly twisted the cap. "Sure. You know how I love these."
"So, how are you?" Yuu began then began gulping his drink.
"Don't ask me. I should ask you."
"I think I am okay," Yuu said, kind of slow with the words. "Actually, I don't want to answer you. Tell me. Tell me if how you think I am doing."
A challenge, Mikan thought. But this was just Yuu giving the opportunity for her to say what she had on mind. Mikan checked her surroundings, amazed at the fact that a crowded place could turn into an empty space in a matter of hours. She smiled looking at no one before she smiled at Yuu.
"Took me a long time to finally get the words right. You know that I am not very good with death, funerals, grieving, and such."
Yuu nodded all knowingly. "Yes, I know. In fact, you don't even have to say anything. You were there when I needed someone to talk to. You were very much concerned with my well-being."
Mikan patted Yuu's head then entwined her fingers again, avoiding his gaze. Natsume ambushed her for not telling a thing to Yuu but Yuu wanted to neutralize the situation by not forcing her. Whatever these two boys had in mind, she already made a decision.
"I just… I just want to say a few things. When your mother was still alive but not even close to healthy, I failed to say encouraging things to you. I thought I had the courage to attend the funeral and somehow comfort you there but I failed again. And Hyuuga noticed my absence so he confronted me about it. He was really angry, you know."
Yuu's thin smile faded. "Sorry. I didn't mean it to be like that."
Mikan was quick to react. She chuckled and remembered that simple day Natsume pinned her to the wall and verbally attacked her. Indeed, it was not a happy thought but it resulted to some lessons learned.
"No! Not at all. Actually, it was disturbing at first that he had the nerve to yell at me when he doesn't know a thing but at the end, I kinda understood his action. He was just concerned for you and I had no right to blame him for telling me I'm an insensitive person because I refused to reveal him the main reason why. Yuu, I don't mean to be melodramatic but I cannot avoid it and I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Go on. I kind of want to hear it."
For a moment there, Mikan calculated her credibility to say the following words. Did she have some authority to make Yuu believe on what were the possibilities after losing someone so precious to you? Mikan hit her chest, telling herself to snap out of irrelevant thoughts. She had to say this. Not even her insecurities could stop her.
"The world, I mean the world you have wherein we belong, feels sorry for you. Your mother was such a nice person and I have witnessed that. She lived her last days with pain, agony, sufferings, and maybe regret. Regretting that she had not enough time to watch her own family grow and be happier. Maybe she even wants to see you graduate but now she can't and the world is sorry. Sometimes, I think the world is being more insensitive in saying that they are sorry for you because what do they know? They have not experienced it or even if they did, no person could have the same, exact experience but I think they are struggling with words also. They did not have enough time like I did with this speech. Yuu, it's going to be hard and it's not going to be smooth. I want to present you reality. I want to give you a heads up because you might not be ready for it. You have a father and a sister that might be on the edge now, depressed on what happened in a level that might be worse than you could imagine. I know that you are not different from them. But, what I learned about life is that it has its own way of making things better, okay, finer than yesterday. "
Mikan was waiting for Yuu's reaction on the half of what she meant to say. She could see Yuu nodding, Yuu smiling, Yuu realizing, Yuu accepting all her words like it was the absolute truth. Mikan faked a cough and continued with her thoughts now turned to words.
"It's not perfect. Maybe you won't become as happy like before and more crying episodes will come than laughter but I want to promise you one thing because I know I am not being unfeeling by saying this. Cry, Yuu. Why won't you cry? Hotaru said you haven't been crying. What the hell, Yuu? Stop being insensitive yourself. Release your feelings. And I will cry with you. We will cry together. We will cry until we don't want to cry anymore because we have moved on from it. You got me?"
"Yes, yes, I do. Thank you for being honest. I was tired seeing their consoling eyes but thank you, Mikan. You really made me realize something today."
When Yuu said that, a tear escaped his eye. Mikan was out of words all of a sudden. She opened her mouth but the words were not speaking and that's when she realized she was crying also. Memories made her cry again. She sniffed and hugged Yuu. Her friend since childhood was slowly becoming a mature adult. Mikan cried even more, louder than Yuu's but she did not care, she wanted to release a liter of sadness inside her system.
"I am sorry for taking so long. I know that you are upset with me even if it's a bit. I am sorry but I just can't bear it and I hate to admit it but Hyuuga was somehow correct. Sorry, Yuu, for being a bad friend but I did it to be a better friend to you now. I don't want to say what they already said. You already heard it. I want to say something that will not divert your attention from the real thing but will assure you that in the future, I will be here, doing what a good friend does and that's being with."
Natsume witnessed so many school dramas in the parking lot like a fight between a big guy and a nerd and a high-pitched quarrel between two red-heads. He actually hated bringing his car to school then struggle to find a space especially in the morning. To avoid rush hour, he would wait for a few hours then leave school after almost every students went home. Speaking of parking lot dramas, he just witnessed one today. It irritated him that he was not able to recognized it was two familiar people. He could have stopped himself from walking to his ride. Their conversation delayed him from casually getting into his car into eavesdropping in their conversation as he hid just by the hood. So ironic that he had to witness Mikan's words of wisdom of all people when he already decided that he didn't care anymore.
He listened intently, thankful of the quiet surroundings and thankful that those two did not even notice him. Natsume could already tell Yuu was fine now. He made a sigh of relief as he watched Mikan and Yuu walk away from the area. They were laughing, smiling, bonding like siblings. They looked carefree like those freshmen in the soccer field earlier. And, just like earlier, Natsume was jealous.
Mikan Sakura was such a mystery to him. Her smile didn't match the surprising bumps in her personality but he knew that her smile was nothing but sincere. Natsume rubbed his temple, frowning at the fact he was thinking of her again. Right now, it was all uncoordinated.
End of Chapter
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