Chapter Twenty-Four

Jarvia

(Trigger Warnings: Implied past Rape - Natia)

Aedan must have rushed with the Aeducan Thaig, because they returned early the next day when they weren't due back for several hours more.

Alistair and I had made the most of our time alone together, thankfully. And since the only thing not done at this point was Filda (Rucks' mother), there was nothing else to do but sit on our asses and make love while we waited for Aedan anyway.

Bhelen had us summoned the day after Aedan returned and I took only Alistair, Aedan and Leliana with me.

I sat in Alistairs' lap as Bhelen smiled at me, "Your plan was a stroke of genius, Lady Ara – I've had support from even the Shaperate to reinstate Sereda in the memories. Harrowmont is being ridiculed for his framing of my sister. It even looks as though Harrowmont planned a coup so more and more nobles have swayed their vote. You're almost powerful enough to get me throne without all these hoops, aren't you?"

I shrugged as Alistair said, "I'd believe it. You didn't hear the ideas she told me the other night after we left here. She's more devious that she appears…"

Aedan gave me a funny look, "What ideas did you give them?"

Alistair told them about my elven ideas and Bhelen told them what caused Harrowmonts' disfavor.

Leliana looked impressed, "Using Orlais to make Ferelden treat Elves better… that is devious."

Aedan said, "Wait – it's illegal to protect the elves?"

Leliana nodded, "It is an obscure law, and only used by those who really hate elves, but it does exist."

Aedan looked sick, "Then most of the humans of Highever are in violation of the Law – Highever has a reputation of being the kindest to elves and we actively defended the Alienage on more than one occation."

I coughed lightly, "If we could get back on topic, there is something more that needs doing before we go after paragons in the Deep Roads; the Carta and Jarvia in specific needs to die. As much as I hate the thought of killing them, I had a vision of Jarvia coming after me now that she knows I'm a valuable asset. She wants my visions under her thumb… and she has something that can incapacitate me completely."

Alistair stiffened and held me tightly, "Well… Aedan, if you don't plan to go, I will. I don't care what this Jarvia woman has – it needs to be destroyed."

"That's just it Alistair – I have no idea where she got this thing. I want to study it."

He looked at me, "Are you crazy? What am I saying – of course you are. First you go and enter the Provings when you can't stomach killing, and now you want to hold onto something that can potentially make you completely defenseless? No – I am putting my foot down – we are destroying whatever it is."

Aedan gaped at Alistairs' outburst. Leliana smoothly said, "And if we do not know what it is? Alistair, us having it could allow us to prevent other people from using it. If we destroy it, we may never have the answer to where she comes from or what…"

"What I am; Alistair we have no damn idea what I am. I looked through the Shaperate – if they ever had any information about my people, it isn't in the memories anymore. Sorry Bhelen – I know you're confused so let me explain. I'm not an Elf, I cannot lie and I have no idea who I really am anymore. I have no memories of being in Thedas before the day that Ostagar fell – all I have are memories of my past life."

Bhelen looked skeptical, but Alistair let me stand so that I could let out my wings. Bhelens' face changed so fast that I almost found it comical.

Vartag coughed, "Uh… whoa… what do you know?"

"Not nearly enough; this is why I'm putting my foot down. I don't usually push things and I love when Alistair makes a stand and gets bossy – it's hot, really. But this could be one of the few chances we have to learn things about me. I'll make it up to you love…"

He groaned and nuzzled my neck now that I was back in his lap, "… dare I ask how?"

"Well… I mean… you could ask but the answer isn't appropriate for all ages so…" I gave him a cheeky grin. Bhelens' head tipped back and he roared a laugh. Aedan choked on air. Leliana burst into little giggles and Alistair just sighed, "Fine… if I regret this later, I will…" he cut himself off, but I knew what he was thinking.

He liked spanking me more than he would ever admit. I grinned, "Cool – so I win no matter what."

Alistair gave me a look, "I am going to regret this… aren't I?"

"Oh, most likely – but it will be worth it if we get answers."

"… I better not be able to see your bones again, Ara – I will shove that mint Poultice under your nose – I swear to the maker that I will."

I flinched, "I will be very careful, Alistair – no need to make such drastic threats."

Aedan snarled, "Bones? Will someone explain that comment to me?"

Leliana scoffed, "I'm more interested in how mint makes her behave."

Alistair answered Aedan, "You heard we entered the Provings. Well, her first match she comes back with a gash in her arm so wide and so deep that I was able to see her bone in her arm. She had the audacity to complain about the minty smell of the poultice I was pressing into the wound. I told her that she should have dodged and she'd not have to smell the poultice."

I cleared my throat, "During the time I was pregnant with Levi, mint was a repulsive smell for me. I couldn't stand it at all. Same went for an herb called Cilantro – but then, that always tasted like soap to me. It was ironic since my family was Hispanic – Cilantro was in pretty much all of the dishes so… yeah. But Mint makes my stomach just roll. If I were able, it would make me ill."

Alistair grumbled, "Then it would be a fitting punishment for if you get heavily injured."

"I mean… I will admit that I have a bad feeling about going to take out Jarvia and collect those items or whatever she has that can make me… incapacitated. But it needs to be done."

Alistair kissed my cheek, "There's no way to convenience you to stay behind while we take care of it?"

I shot him a look, "No way! You'd destroy the items – and even if you didn't, I feel like I need to be there."

He pouted, "Alright – then let's get it over with."

I stood up and we headed out.

I kept to the middle of the group – we had picked up the others. Alistair was grumbling, "It's like you don't care if you get hurt…"

Morrigan gave him a funny look. Eadrek had filled everyone in on what happened at the Provings. She said, "Everyone gets hurt, Alistair – but she can't feel it."

Heads swiveled to look at me. I sighed, "I do feel the pain, Morrigan – I just have a higher tolerance for pain due to a… illness I had back on Earth. I was in pain all day, every day… there were medications to ease the pain, but my medical insurance got cut so I couldn't afford the medication anymore. It was so expensive… I got used to being in constant pain. The bad news was… the more I got used to the pain, the worse the pain got. So I can stand quite a bit of pain. The longer I go without that pain, though, the lower my tolerance will likely get. For now, I can stand a lot, but later… who knows?"

"How much pain can you stand at the moment?" Sten rumbled as we got to Dust Town. I shrugged, "Cut off my arm – I doubt I'll feel more than a slight burn. I've been in constant pain for half a decade. I used to joke about just cutting off the parts that hurt – but in truth, if I had been at the level of pain I was in when I died when it began… I probably would have chopped off and arm or leg to make it stop."

Alistair flinched, "You… you aren't feeling that now are you?"

"Oh – no… I seem to have been cured of a great many things when I was dropped here. I checked a mirror, though – my tonsils are still gone."

Leliana blinked, "Your what are gone?"

I chuckled, "The two sacks of flesh as the back of the throat? I had to have those removed when I got two conflicting illnesses that targeted the throat. One was called Strep – you get white smelly things on the tonsils – and the other was called Mono; also known as the kissing disease. You can get the virus through kissing as well as things like sharing drinks or silverware – not sure how I got it since I wasn't kissing anyone and I was possessive of my food."

Leliana forced my mouth open to look and sighed, "Why get them removed?"

I pulled away from the handsy bard and said, "The medicine for Strep made Mono worse and the two had fused. The two sacks were so enlarged by that point; I couldn't swallow my spit let alone food. My mom worked at the pathology lab at the time – my tonsils were the second largest on record there. Now, Aedan, take this gold coin and go ask Nadezda over there about Jarvia while I go make a deal with that dwarf over there."

He took the coin from me with a confused look and Alistair followed me.

After speaking to the Idle Dwarf about getting a pet nug – he was all for it after I had paid so many people golden coins the other day… I had gotten scolded for that by Lord Dace due to the tip in economic structure. I had shrugged and said, "I needed that smuggler taken care of. A few shiny coins in exchange for a life were hardly fair to them."

Lord Dace had instantly shut up – if only because Rogek wasn't casteless.

We finished things up before heading into the base. Alistair was keeping a close eye on me as we fought – he was more worried that I wouldn't know that I got injured at this point.

I saw Sten watching me curiously. "Something I can help you with, Kadan?"

"How many illnesses did you have?"

I sighed, "Over all… too many. I was a rather sickly woman. That… played into me quitting my Surgeon-ing and turning to writing. I learned to make soaps and teas that had health benefits… because I needed them…"

Morrigan looked surprised, "How strange… what triggered that? Obviously you were healthy enough to go through the schooling…"

"Not exactly – I just had good insurance so I could afford the meds to not be in pain all the time. I had to quit when I got pregnant, but by the time I was well enough after birthing to go back… my insurance had been cut and I would have had to wait a month before my new insurance kicked in… I needed the meds to work, and needed to work to get the meds – the damn education system in a nutshell too. So yeah; Earth was stupid."

"It can't have been so bad…" Leliana argued as we passed through the long tunnel (the one with the jail at the end). I snorted and explained 2020 – in America. Goddess, there were some seriously stupid people. I'm rather glad I didn't live to see the elections.

Alistair cut in, "Wait… masks; like in Orlais?"

"N-no; I'm talking about these," I pulled one out and put it on. The one I had on now had a ventilator so I could breathe easier.

Aedan blinked, "You're right – Earth was stupid. Welcome to a world that absolutely would social distance to avoid getting more people sick."

We entered the Jail and I froze in horror. There was a female dwarf in a cell – she was naked and she had obviously been beaten and…

I whirled and snarled, "Men – out… now!"

Alistair whirled on his heel and Sten didn't question it. Zev took one glance at the cell and left. Aedan seemed to be the only one who was confused – Alistair had to drag him out. Wynne moved over to the woman after I destroyed the cell door.

I began pulling out clothes for the Dwarven woman.

I pulled out loose pants, a baggy shirt and combat boots with steel toes as I growled. The noises coming from my throat were in no way human.

The girl woke up and I felt my heart clench. I'm sure she wished she were dead by this point. She was no more than 23 at a guess. Her hair was red – though not quite as red as mine. It was just as long though. Her eyes were light blue and filled with sorrows while her skin was purple and yellow, though if you looked closely you could see the white beneath the bruising. She was only 4'5.

I nudged her into the clothing as I felt fire simmering in my veins. Leliana gasped, "A-ara… your hair…"

I glanced at the ends to see that my hair was no longer just red – it was the colors of fire. Deep red at the roots (I had to get a mirror), it faded into an orangey yellow at the tips. There were streaks of light blue, white and orange all through my hair – it was the embodiment of fire.

I shrugged it off – I would think about it later. I looked at my new charge, "My name is Arvaala Cousland… what's yours?"

I didn't even think about how I was able to introduce myself with that last name – and that it would have to mean that Aedan really had adopted me into his family. I was focused on the woman in front of me.

"N… Natia… Brosca… please… kill me…" she cried. I shook my head, "No… you will get up and you will take justice for yourself. Leske is in the office with Jarvia."

She looked stunned before saying, "I… I can… kill Leske?"

That told me all I needed to know right there – the bastard had not only betrayed her… he'd done this to her (at least… he'd joined in).

I gave a firm nod, "The goddess has exceptions to all rules. I can't allow this man to live when he has done such vile things…"

She took my hand and let me help her up. As we left the jail room, I made the females form a guard wall between Natia and the men. I snapped if the males got too close… and most of them seemed to pick up on what was going on at once.

They knew my past at this point – so why Aedan didn't pick up on my protectiveness around the fragile Dwarven woman was beyond me.

Natia refused to let me go. I learned that she had killed Beraht but Jarvia had caught her during escape, tempting Leske with a second in command position to betray Natia… he did. Her voice never went above a whisper.

When we got to the main room… we learned that Jarvia had set a trap… for me. Thankfully, she had gotten things mixed up and Alistair got caught with whatever magical Arm Brace she had meant to put on me. It didn't do anything to him, so we fought like demons to kill her.

I had used magic to keep Leske from moving so that Natia could take her revenge. I left her to it while I took a second arm brace from Jarvias' corpse. Alistair was examining the one he now wore as I read some kind of rune-script on the brace in my hands.

I read it aloud, "Fairies – the nobility of the race – hold great power. Through this cuff, all magic will be shared."

I put the cuff on out of curiosity and Alistair gasped. I froze and cursed – my powers weren't working. I couldn't cast my magic, though the Elements still responded. Alistair said, "Uh… help!"

We all looked at him to find he was… glowing. I groaned, "So… when the damn thing says 'shared' it means you get all my magic."

"But you can still use the elements?" Zevran asked.

"My control of Elements doesn't seem to be a magic… I wonder what else… right – I should take off the…" I went to try and pry it off, but it wouldn't come off. Alistair was having the same difficulty with his own cuff.

Alistair looked like he was freaking out, "Ara… it's not coming off…"

I sighed, "Neither is mine. Let me look at yours."

He held his arm out and I read the script, "So… this basically says… these are Magic sharing cuffs… shit… there's nothing about how to remove them. Alistair… you'll just have to treat the magic like Templar abilities – keep it in check until we can figure this out."

"How do I do that?" he looked panicked and upset.

"Like… um… oh – the feeling you get when you think about me. You always want to tell me how much you love me, but you have to keep it in, right? Apply that to the magic – hold it in; gather it in the core of your being. Good; just like that."

He had stopped glowing, at least.

"Why isn't it coming off?" Aedan growled – he was upset I was now 'powerless'.

I shrugged, "Who knows? I'm not fussed right now – we'll either figure it out or learn to live with it. Fate works in funny ways – so this may have been meant to happen."

Alistair shook his head, "Love… I need to be king – I can't do that if I have magic!"

"But it isn't your magic and you're already established as a Templar so…"

"Love… I can handle this – I can't handle suddenly having magic I… what about demons? What about you? You surely got used to your magic…"

"I guess we'll see how badly I miss it. I only had the magic since I came to Thedas so… I don't know."

Sten nodded firmly, "That is a good attitude. But this also means your magic was not yours – magic cannot be taken away. This means you are not Bas-Saarebas. It explains why you cannot do Blood Magic or be possessed by demons. You were never Saarebas."

I blinked, "You think the Qun will see it that way?"

"Yes – if our Saarebas could lose their magic, we would not do as we do."

I opened my mouth to argue but then snapped it shut, "That's a good point, I guess. So I'm not a mage – this just makes me more curious. Though the braces do mention Fairies, but only as them being nobility of this specific race so… I wonder what the race itself is."

Natia cleared her throat. We all looked at her and she cringed away from the men. The men looked away and she asked, "I-I'm lost… w-what are you talking about?"

I pulled out my wings and blinked in shock – they were solid and… heavy now. I grumbled, "They feel like useless ornaments now – I guess flight and the pretty see through was magic."

Natia gaped, "What – how….?"

"To answer your question… I am not an elf – though I am aware I look like one. I can control the elements, and…"

I tried to say what else I could do, but it wouldn't come out. I flinched, "Apparently… Alistair can see the future now – I can't lie so I couldn't say I could. Sorry, my love – I am so sorry…"

He looked confused, "Why are you sorry?"

"I never just see the visions. You know that I feel them – you… if you have a vision of someone dying, you will feel that as though you are the one that died. I am so sorry…"

Horror filled even Stens' face.

Alistair frowned, "So… when you saw…? Why didn't you say that before?"

"I thought I did? If I did, you simply didn't believe it or weren't paying attention. Anyway, Natia – let's get out of here, we can talk as we walk."

Alistair groaned, "Love… what am I supposed to do? I can't do this magic thing!"

"Well… we'll find a way to remove them eventually, Alistair. I promise – if I have to cut off my arm to help you, I will."

"Makers' breath – you will do no such thing! I will not allow that – I will just… I will have to deal with this until we can figure it out. Aedan – help me out; back me up…"

"Alistair is right, sister. You'll need your arm – we can't have you cutting it off just to get your powers back…"

"It wouldn't be that, Aedan – Alistair is visibly shaken and freaked out. If my taking those things back would ease him, then I will. It pains me to see him worried…"

Alistairs' face shuttered and a mask slid into place, "I… I didn't realize that. Love – I will try my best to deal with this. It will pain me to have you mutilate yourself for me. Please – please – don't cut your arm off."

I nodded, "Only if you don't hide your emotions from me."

He sighed, "I… I can feel that it upsets you. Maker – how do you do this?"

"My empathy was apparently magic too, it seems. I'm sorry love – you'll be feeling everyones' emotions, seeing the future and using my magic until we figure this out… I…"

I gasped when he pulled me into a hug, "Don't – don't feel that guilt. This isn't your fault. This happened because we wanted to know more about you."

"But if I had listened to you – if I had just destroyed the damn things…"

He snorted, "You know – most men like to hear they were right. I don't, it seems – not if it puts that look on your face and makes you feel so bad…"

Leliana giggled, "Aww – he seems somehow cuter now…"

Morrigan sneered, "As Ara explained it to me once; you get good at saying the right thing fast when you want to fix the emotions of people around you."

I pouted, "Alistair has always been good at saying the sweet tings – he just usually does so in private or at better times. Empathy, however… empaths usually attempt to help the people around them. No one wants to feel all the icky emotions all the time."

By mutual silence, we all dropped the topic for later.

About the time we exited Janars' Shop; Aedan pushed his luck and got close to Natia again. I snarled and flared my wings – dwarves around us all froze at the sight. I was well known – and a while ago, I'd had a vision that nothing I did here would be told to the general public of Ferelden. I was safe enough.

"Aedan Cousland – Goddess… if you get close to my girl one more time I will kick your ass from here to kingdom come. Alistair – why don't you fill him in on what is going on since he seems to have lost all good sense. Go back to the compound; I'm taking Natia to her sister." Sten had reached out and grabbed Aedans arm while Alistair stepped between Aedan and me; holding his hands up to keep Aedan back.

Alistair looked so badly like he wanted to follow, but knew better when I was in my current state.

I saw Alistair whispering to Aedan who paled as I put my arm protectively over Natias shoulders and guided her to the palace. She was looking at me confused.

"I… I thought… where's Rica?"

"Oh, Honey, I'm sorry; I've been remiss in informing you. Rica is currently engaged to Bhelen Aeducan; the Wardens and I are helping to get him on the throne. Rica recently had a baby, his name is Endrin after his grandfather," Natia looked slightly better hearing this, and at the same time she kept her eyes wearily watching around us for danger… not that she needed to, I was keeping everyone else away with a glance.

Little Endrin had been born yesterday.

Eadrek began to follow from a distance. I knew Natia noticed when she tensed. "It's alright, sweetie. I won't let him hurt you; though I think he'd cut off his own arm rather than try. That's just Eadrek, his sister is castles and working for me currently…" I continued telling her about Eadrek; how I met him, who he was… she slowly calmed as I spoke.

"Can… can he not hover? I think I'd feel better if he were in my line of sight…"

I motioned to Eadrek so he caught up, "Eadrek, this is Natia Brosca; Natia, this is Eadrek Nevvin. Natia here would feel better if you stayed in line of sight, Eadrek; can you do that for me," To his credit, he didn't even question it, just told me yes and decided to walk on my right side while Natia stayed under my left arm.

Entering the Palace, I looked to a guard. "I need to see Rica; tell her I found her sister… you know what? Just send Rica to my meeting with Bhelen; I'll talk to him about what we found in that time too," the guard nodded and rushed off to find Rica. I had made my words flippant and made sure I never looked like I was coddling Natia; I knew better than anyone that being seen as fragile after this sort of ordeal would make someone feel worse. I had let her set the pace to the palace; when I snapped at Aedan, I waited until it was only our group around… I knew she appreciated it simply by the looks she gave me, and that was enough for me.

If she wanted to talk, I would talk; I would let her decide. Everyone moved through trauma in their own way; for me, it had been poetry, cutting and talking it out with my therapists… years it took for me to work through the more than decade of trauma… I eventually moved past it; I won't say got over it because that isn't something you get over…

I was just sitting down in Bhelens study when Rica burst through the door; poor Natia was so startled by it she had a panic attack. I'd had enough of those that I was able to help; I had spoken through it… "Natia, listen to my voice, okay sweetie? I want you to describe 5 things you see in the room for me sweetheart… good, now name 4 things you can feel… perfect okay now name 3 things you hear; you're doing great, Natia. We're almost done, honey. Name 2 things you can smell or 2 smells you like… now finally, name 1 good thing about yourself. Do you feel better?"

She had calmed considerably and was no longer shaking. "I… I think so. Thank you."

"That's called the 12345 method; anything you feel yourself going into a panic attack like that, just do what we did now. If that doesn't work, try lying down and sort of think about what you feel; wiggle your toes or just feel what's around you; a bed, the ground… anything, just feel. Or you can try repeating the days date over and over… tell yourself you made it; you were strong. Do whatever you need to, to ground yourself in the moment…" I knew Rica, Eadrek, and Bhelen were watching us, but I tuned them out, focusing only on Natia.

"How… how do you… where…"

"Deep breaths hun; I learned these things because I needed to. Just like you, I went through something very similar. Just know that it helps to find an outlet. I wrote poetry, and talked it out with people… everyone is different though. If your outlet is fighting, pick up a sword and train until your muscles hurt – pretend each target is their face if you must; if you lean more toward creation try writing or something you enjoy… but no matter what; know that you survived. You won! Not them, not anyone else – you."

She was nodding even as she cried. Rica was holding her sister; I think she guessed what might have happened, but Natia needed the support so I wasn't gonna have her step back.

Once Natia was calmed down enough, Rica took her to get settled into her new room. Bhelen was staring at me, "I… I don't think I ever expected that from you."

"I know. I've made leaps and bounds in my recover; having been through that, I know how to help… now, to business."

After speaking with Bhelen, I learned he didn't have the map yet – he was expecting it tomorrow.

I told him to send it to me when he had it so I could go look for Branka.

Upon my return to the Compound, Alistair sequestered me away to talk magic.

He spoke first, "Okay… what did I get and what did you keep?"

"Well, I kept my wings, but they're useless at the moment. You might be able to fly – I don't know. I kept the elements, but I can't magically set up the tent, I can't make pizza in the air I can't… I can't do anything that involves more than just the elements. My bag still works – so I'll be using it more until we can figure this out. It essence… I can only use the elements and my previous abilities from when I was human. Everything I've done that doesn't involve fire, air, water, earth or mundane abilities… is all you now. My visions, empathy, disguising abilities and all other magic… all are yours now."

He flinched, "Okay… okay… so how do I do…" his face blanked and his eyes flashed – he was in a vision.

He came out of it in a daze, "That's a vision? Can you make me these Quesadillas? They sound good…"

I blinked, "You lucky bastard! My first vision – back in my first life – was so damn painful! Dropped a pot on my foot… but you get a vision about food? That's not fair…"

He flushed, "Er… the vision was me talking about cheese with you and you…"

"Oh I can guess. I'll make you Quesadillas – but only because I'm still feeling guilty about this whole situation."

"Yeah… it really isn't your fault, Ara. If it had been something that told me about my own past, I would have fought just as hard to keep it. Leliana, Aedan, Zevran and… I'm sure we all would have done the same."

I shrugged, "I don't feel any less guilty – and this period of adjustment will be hard on all of us, Alistair."

He sighed and kissed me, "I love you, Ara – and I will always love you. This changes nothing. You are still my wife – we'll work this out together.

I smiled at him and pulled him closer, "Well… we have time until I need to make dinner… let's see if I can make you lose control now…"

He chuckled darkly, "I didn't even think of that… now I need to know what it's like…"

He kissed me as his hand trailed down to my neck and gave a light squeeze. I gasped, "Then I think we're both overdressed…"

He rumbled an agreement and soon… I wasn't thinking anymore.