Something You've Read Before
Chapter Thirty four
The One
Ioran quietly approached Kaoru in a separate tea room located in an annex building from the main house. It was a favorite spot of Kaoru because it gave the privacy she yearned for plus the view of the town downhill was simply breathtaking especially at dawn when only the lights made the town known to nightly creatures. There was peace from the scenery that she did not expect but felt happy she got it, something that she did not think she deserved. The irony was there was no tea at that time, only coffee to relieve her headache which bothered her the whole day. She forgot to take one due to the busyness of the morning seeing Natsume and facing her mother afterward and now the withdrawal greatly reminded her how much of a coffee drinker she was. Hearing the announcement of her secretary and the footsteps from the mat, she knew that her visitor finally came. Without looking back, Kaoru pointed her hand to the seat beside her to guide Ioran of his position.
Coffee in black was already prepared and beside it were sugar and creamer which was sadly ignored all throughout. Ioran took it as it is, noting the familiar brew of the coffee grounds from the farm of his family up south. The aroma and flavor stayed in his senses, liking the perfect temperature of the water as he poured more from the pot. Kaoru had been uncharacteristically quiet, no indication that she was about to speak up anytime. There was an expectation from Ioran that Kaoru would have a devious look on her face, the one she always had when she won deals that were predicted to fail. In other words, Kaoru won this day but she did not look like it. What Ioran saw was defeat, not achievement. So, it meant Natsume might have won something from this.
"What's that look on your face? It barely suits you."
Kaoru finally turned her head to him, asking, "What?"
Their parting was bitter and it reflected in their interactions after the divorce which felt like they were always on a competition who was doing better or who moved on first. It became natural for them to act proud whenever they had to see each other just to prove a point that turned out to be pointless after all since no one was winning because divorce never became a good battleground for contest in the first place. It only hurt their pride and remaining care for one another. So, this was a rare encounter. Ioran tried to instigate a competition which did not stir Kaoru. He taunted her but she appeared to be unaffected. To say that he somehow felt bad for tempting her just to see a reaction had become an understatement.
Ioran tried to relax his composure by leaning on his back a little while resting his hands behind. "Shouldn't you be happy that you got what you wanted?" he asked while appreciating the various color of roofs seen by his naked eye.
Kaoru closed her eyes, shaking her head for a second. "No one made it past them. It always end up like this."
"Yeah, not even us were able to avoid it," Ioran laughed out, "So, what is upsetting you?"
With a another slight shake in the head, Kaoru answered him carefully. "I don't know. Maybe the feeling that your formidable opponent decided not to continue the fight so the excitement died down. It was anti-climactic, honestly."
Ioran could not suppress his smile when he heard that, surprised that this was how Kaoru saw Mikan but he was more astonished that his ex-wife said it to him so openly, not fearing judgment. He was used with secluding herself and hiding what she felt almost all of the time. Ioran sniffed, shuddering his shoulders to release some body heat while Kaoru just looked at him with a look as if asking if he was cold. The concern did not fade after all despite the cold treatment over the years. Ioran knew that Kaoru had always kept that soft spot for him and he was the same to her.
"That girl told me to let Natsume do what he wants in return of them breaking up."
The thought never left Kaoru's mind for a second and it was distracting her to the point that she was comfortably talking to Ioran about it without feeling any awkwardness or grudge. She must lost her mind today, thinking that she already reached her limit when it came to tolerating family. Mikan had the nerve to command her to do something so drastic and instead of feeling extreme anger about it, Kaoru actually realized the correctness of the request. Kaoru felt conflicted though because she knew it was not that easy to accomplish and she could only do so much when it came to decisions affecting the whole legacy of the family.
"I think their story has yet to end," Ioran concluded, "But, the question is, are you willing to support your son in the way that he wanted you to?"
Kaoru looked incredulous and felt stupid for a moment. "You have that much faith in two teenagers?" she asked in disbelief.
Actually, Ioran was still not fully convinced if breaking up was the solution to the root cause of the problem. Maybe Mikan and Natsume reached that decision to make a breakthrough. The impact of their demands for today would be in naught if they had not sacrificed anything on their part. Thinking about it the possibility of them living well if ever they eloped came out blurry because Mikan and Natsume were too much inclined with their families, setting aside it dysfunctionalities. According to Natsume, Mikan's father asked her to end this in order to prove herself of being a good daughter and she took that futile chance. Besides, the elders would only find them unbelievable and the prime example of brats having the time of their lives if they asked for everything but traded nothing. Ioran saw it in his son's face, that if he had a better choice, Natsume won't be agreeing. But, they did it nonetheless.
"Yes, I do." Despite what Ioran had observed, he still had that trust on them.
There was a big bubble inside Kaoru's head as to why Ioran had such confidence to the youngsters. She stared at him for a while, eyebrows almost meeting, lips parted a little while the rest of her body remained still. She tried to reason out on her mind and it all ended up with a bigger question mark. Clearly, Kaoru did not fully understand the history and story of Mikan and Natsume's relationship then and Ioran did not want to push it on her. He figured that Kaoru had no choice but to notice it sooner or later.
Taking the last sip of his strong coffee, Ioran put the cup on the side, turning it upside down. Kaoru sensed that her ex-husband was somehow in a hurry which reminded of her the real reason of his coming. Her neutral expression came back, deciding to get over the fact that Mikan was able to see through her today and from what she heard, Natsume made a daring deal with her mother. It was better to deal with businessmen and headhunters rather than your own family. It always tended to be dramatic and filled with lingers of emotion.
"What do you want to talk about?"
Ioran stared at Kaoru with bright eyes. "I want to tell you goodbye. This might be the last time we're gonna see each other."
The statement had been used a lot of times that every time Kaoru heard it from Ioran, she came not to believe a word from it. But, this time was different. Ioran meant it finally. As to why he was saying goodbye despite the different kinds of goodbye they bade each other, Kaoru wanted to deny it at first but she knew the answer. He still considered her family. Kaoru tried to say something but choked on her saliva, coughing it out with class. She could not believe that her heart was aching with those words. Her heart acted like she was gonna miss the Ioran who broke their marriage, the Ioran who always made fun of her when they meet out of the blue like that one time in the golf club, the Ioran who trampled her good plans for Natsume by supporting their son's rebellion. For many years, he was the source of her headache and misery but not enough to actually push him away completely.
"When are you leaving?" Kaoru managed to say.
"Don't look so sad," Ioran jested, earning a glare from Kaoru so he was quick to say, "Just kidding. In two weeks."
Kaoru seemed to retrieve her composure. "Good, then. I won't have to tolerate your presence anymore."
Hearing their conversation now may tagged them as high schoolers who hated each other because of an unseen rivalry. Then, when you looked at them again, you would be surprised to see two adults who had a long history of togetherness and differing choices which led them to be they person they were today. Yes, they were successful in their chosen fields and the relationship with their children were not so bad, but it could have been better. Did they have regrets? If Kaoru was asked years ago, she would definitely say she regretted meeting him but the answer was not the same for the current situation. As for Ioran, he only wished that Kaoru would see things in their way and even if she did not fully agree, at least compromise.
"Take care of Natsume. I mean, I'll always watch over him but it's different when you're near."
"I know very well how to take care of my own son."
"You do in a strange way though," Ioran let out sadly which stopped Kaoru for a moment. "Those two, Mikan and Natsume, don't they remind you of us? Doing everything together."
"I already forgot," Kaoru said, looking away.
Another lie. Ioran knew it but gave the benefit of the doubt. Kaoru only clenched her fists to stop from remembering. It was clear as daylight, the moment they met, their first conversation, the first kiss, the most memorable hug, their wedding, their pregnancy, their whole family. Looking back at it made Kaoru teary eyed although she was quick to hide it from Ioran who was also having bittersweet memories. Clearly, it was hard for the both of them. The past still had a hold on them.
"Well, it's been a long time," Ioran said in agreement, standing up and getting back his winter coat and scarf. He went for the door, pausing for a moment to look back at Kaoru who was still gazing at the beautiful scenery. "See you when I see you, Kaoru."
Kaoru heard the door closed, whispering to herself, "Yeah, see you."
"Any update?"
Mikan told Natsume to just go straight after putting the coordinates on the car's GPS and disregarding her phone completely which gave out eerie directions by leading them to rocky roads and roads less passed by. Ever since they left the Igarashi compound and finding out that the car was left by Ioran for their disposal, they had decided to look for a place to stay overnight. Going back to Tokyo in an instant was out of the equation on this important day so it was natural for them to just savor each other's company up to the last minute. No discussion was held whether they ought to find solace in another town or fly to the nearest prefecture which could offer the best tourist attractions. Right there proved to be enough and with the inviting weather outside, it was the perfect time to just get on the car and have the road trip of their lives.
First of all, a place to stay. Mikan was not very much of an organizer when it came to trips but she knew just where to start with things like finding accommodation. Just one search in her phone and lots of options were made displayed but only a few of them were available. It could even be a better choice to just walk-in to a hotel or inn and ask if there were rooms vacant. After scrolling and jumping from one page to another, Mikan's mind and hand were almost at the end of their patience until she stumbled upon this promising inn just a few kilometers. She quickly encoded the address and got her hopes up.
"Well, it's hard to book a very spontaneous Airbnb but the hotel right there looks good. Traditional, sleek, and somehow new?" Mikan laughed nervously, afraid that this sudden decision would backfire on her later.
Natsume only smiled at her in amusement and followed the directions. "We'll never know if we will not try."
When they arrived at the place, a few cars were already parked at the cobblestone lot surrounded by bamboo trees. They were greeted by a staff member upon their descent and they immediately asked if there was a vacant room which the hotel fortunately had ample. The staff asked if they had any luggage that needed a carrier but Mikan answered they had none which made the staff smile. Mikan noticed the smile and somehow had an idea what she and Natsume looked like right now: runaway teenagers. She only smiled at Natsume who also noticed the look the staff gave. They both ignored it and went to the reception with Mikan being extra excited, dragging Natsume by the hand.
All the choices were presented happily to them including the amenities and the prices. Natsume briefly looked at Mikan who pretended to be interested in other rooms but he knew that she already chosen in her mind. The inn was strategically located near the sea so they had to take an advantage of that view especially during sunset. Mikan jumped in place when they were told about the hot spring, the sauna, and the outdoor restaurant in the middle of the forest. She looked a new kind of free. Natsume only had her best interest in mind and if this was the last day that they could do this, they must go all out.
"So, what should we choose?" Natsume asked, leaning on the counter before staring at Mikan.
Mikan got distracted by Natsume's gaze as if she was drowning in his beautiful eyes. She was sucked in for a few seconds then a few more when her eyes betrayed her and looked at Natsume's mouth. Mikan bit her lip and looked away. If Natsume had a naughty plan of seducing her, she could play along and let him have a taste of his own medicine but Mikan knew that Natsume was not the kind of person who would do such a thing and she was simply attracted to him today compared to other days. Mikan pointed at the screen the room of their choosing and the kind lady asked if they would take two rooms, both of them answered simultaneously they only needed one. Natsume lost his grin, straightening his body to facilitate the payment while Mikan only observed his actions.
While waiting for Natsume to settle everything, Mikan made a call to Narumi, telling that she would seize the day and be with Natsume. She told Narumi that it was a long story and she would be more comfortable in telling it in person rather in the phone. Narumi agreed to her plea and mentioned a few reminders wherein the last part made her blush. Mikan almost screamed when she heard Natsume talked from behind, suddenly aware of his appeal and presence. Everyone they encountered so far paid extra seconds just to look at Natsume and Mikan knew fully well it was because he was so good to look at but the laughable thing was Natsume could not care less. He showed two key cards and began walking to the elevator while Mikan watched his back, hating herself for wanting to hug him to feel intimacy despite breaking up. Mikan did not forget to blame her hormones while making that walk.
When they were left alone inside the elevator, no one dared to talk and their breathing echoed in the box. Natsume always noticed it first when something was not right with Mikan so he immediately sensed that an awkward atmosphere suddenly grew between them. It must be because they were far from the authorities of their lives and now staying in one room. What could happen? They did this before in her house. Natsume gulped at the thought, blushing slightly and trying his best to act natural. He told himself that things would be better once they stepped out from this enclosed space but he was wrong. No one was still talking as they approached the room. Natsume initiated a battle in his mind. Didn't they both want this? To go on a trip, share a room, and spend the night with each other. God, he was acting like a child.
Mikan recognized the room number and the tension between them. This must not happen or else it could spoil everything. Of all times and places, why did they have to feel uncomfortable now? The pace of their walk was like telling that they both feared the events to come and that was stupid. Their relationship might be over but they were friends first and foremost and that should be the priority feeling. Although, that was also a lie and they were both aware of it. Mikan stopped from walking and did so by holding Natsume's arm.
"Stop seducing me, Polka."
Mikan's disbelief was unexplainable. She faced Natsume with embarrassment on the line. "I should be the one saying that!" she exclaimed while shaking his arm.
"But, I'm not doing anything," Natsume clarified.
"So am I!"
They both looked at each other, realized that they were having the same line of thought. Their gazes were long and meant for each other, faces with unreadable expression until one of them conjured a smile which gave way to laughter. The sound of their chuckles vibrated in the hallways, stopping for a second before going at it again. Mikan held her stomach because it started to ache from all those muscle contractions while Natsume had the warning of feeling the same. Only when they were both satisfied that they had their fill they stopped but they still snickered while walking.
It was Mikan who first stated her opinion about the matter. "I'm glad we got past that quickly. That awkwardness… it's natural, isn't it? But, the fact that I really want to spend the day with you tops all other feelings."
It took everything from Natsume to not melt from her words. "Me too, Polka. Let's have fun today."
They key card was tapped which automatically opened the door. For the price of the room, honestly, Mikan expected a lot since it was far from cheap. She was used all her life for having money just enough for her which meant that in order to save up, it was entirely up to her effort of finding the means whether she had to work part time in the school library or sell something she barely used. Narumi's job was able to sustain their lifestyle until now and when she wanted something to buy that might be out of budget, she rather think about it ten times if she really needed the item then end up not buying it at all. Mikan was not in the best shape for a part time job in the past years and Narumi paid for all her medical bills so the least she could do was not to be a nuisance. So, this extravagance made a mark of being her first time to be treated good financially.
Natsume let go of the door which also closed on its own and followed Mikan who looked completely enamored by the place. He watched her ran from the entrance to the living room, to the kitchen counter, then to the walk-in closet, then to the balcony, then to the bathroom, and finally jumping onto the bed.
"There. The grandest room in this hotel," Natsume concluded, brightening up from the joy he was seeing on Mikan. For him, she looked like a child and he could not help but comment on her radiating aura. "You look happy," he added.
"Because it's free and it has a kitchen so we can cook! And it says here in the brochure that this room is equipped with the latest Just Dance! Can you imagine that? You have to promise to play with me tonight."
Natsume sat on the arm of the longest white couch he had seen in his life, crossing his arms. "When did you become like this?"
"Well, I figure out that this is the first and last time we can do this so let's make it worth it."
The room indeed was the flagship of the hotel. It has a unique keycard, opening a double door which had additional safety features once inside the suite. The visitors could be viewed through the camera system installed by the door although the rest of the place remained surveillance camera-free. Everything was painted in white to maintain the classy vibe, even the floors were made out of white marbles. Like other usual hotels, they also used gold to accentuate the furniture, ceiling, the details on the wall. What Natsume liked about was the cleanliness of the place that even he could smell it from the carpet. Some hotels looked clean but one sniff from Natsume, he knew that the standard was not at par. His eyes followed Mikan's quick tour of the whole place, wondering if someone really had the guts to use the kitchen.
Natsume loved how everything was so clean in the eyes and how generous the spaces were on each section. He walked to the balcony which contained a set of rattan table and chairs, admiring the sea view and feeling thankful for how the wind smelled at that moment, so raw and earthly. Natsume dreamed of a peaceful life, one far from family issues and life's complicated problems. He wanted to live simply and have adventures once in a while with the people he cared for. He liked being in a small community where everybody knew everyone and even if it might sound boring, at least he knew where to go to if he ever needed help without ulterior motives from the other party. Natsume felt like he was slowly unwrapping the desires of his heart in the most unlikely places. His wants and needs ambushed him and he had no right to complain because if anything, it only motivated him.
The glass door to the balcony clicked, signaling that Mikan just entered his space. She sat quietly beside him, copying his action of savoring the sea air which smelled of salt and dust and that aroma of winter. Quietness enveloped their encounter and they both decided not to say anything because the absence of words catered to their feelings of being just there, in place beside each other. They did not need anything to validate their comfort with one another or the fact that their friendship and love might never be untangled. Because of all people, it was them who knew better why this needed to happen and what were their exact thoughts of each one. They let out a lot of words that day, sentences they only imagined became reality and now silence became their greatest rest.
The suite was designed to turn off its lights when no one was around so the whole room lost its yellow lights with only the night lamps on while the balcony remained to be getting its light from the moon. Staying like that for a long time made them feel that their whole day was jampacked, thankful that they did not lose any energy on the process. Mikan bended her knees, resting her feet on the edge of the chair then pointed her arm to the sea as if wanting to grab it. She heard the waves, its calming sound of hitting the rocks and the shore. Mikan realized that this was the second time she had seen the sea and it was still a great memory etched in her soul forever. She could never associate sea with sadness again.
"Why is this so beautiful?"
Natsume's gaze followed where Mikan was reaching out her hand. He was suddenly aware she was talking about this absolutely great body of water just under their hotel and what it symbolized for her. "Because it's dark. You can hardly see anything."
It sounded sardonic when one first heard of it but Natsume got a point for saying so. People had the tendency to be attracted to things which concealed the flaws of a thing or a person even if they knew that under it, it would still be there. Everybody revealed their own flaws and at some point in time, everybody made an effort to hide it from someone they care about with the fear that they might scare them away. It was natural for Natsume.
He hid his feelings a lot of time, staying silent despite the hurt because he did not want to be tagged as a weak person. Mikan was no different because even if she did not exactly hide her past, she was also not proud of it. Doing so did not make them less of a person and instead showed that they were more human than they thought. They felt all different emotions like happiness, fear, sadness, exhaustion, anger, love. But, they get past it because they waited for the right people to reveal all the right and wrong things in their lives and that was when they experienced freedom from insecurity, childishness, stubbornness. The only problem was that since they were still human, the tendency to go back to that fear would come again and it would be up to the person to get over it for the second or third or fourth time.
Mikan giggled, nodding her head. "Well, doesn't that validate its beauty? That even if it's dark, you can still see it?"
Flaws were beautiful. No one loved another by just seeing the beauty. That won't be real if it did. This might be Mikan's flaw. She feared of losing her family in the long run, feared of losing the father who showed her unconditional love, feared that she might lose herself while they were at it because of constant guilt. Natsume knew he was not there to heal her, she did not need it. What she needed was support and this was their current status allowed them. They were young but not proud. They knew making it to the real world required help from others especially from family and they simply could not abandon that strong bond for the sake of their love. It was too much and just not the right time.
"It does," Natsume managed to say, looking at the sea then looking at her, "There is beauty in anything."
This separation was not permanent, only a setback to their friendship, to their romance. What Natsume tried to say was there was beauty in their breakup, that there was always a lesson learned in every little action or decision they made in life and Mikan seemed to agree with that through her sad smile. Suddenly, Natsume felt his stomach grumble making him stand from his seat, surprising Mikan a bit. He scanned the dimmed room, holding out his hand, and gave Mikan an encouraging look. Without any hesitations, Mikan took his hand which pulled her from the comfy chair.
"Let's go to the grocery. While we're at it, let's also buy clothes and stuff."
Mikan snickered, eyes sparkled from the proposition. "Finally… food!"
They did not know why but they rushed to get to the car, running like they were in that competition in Shirahama. They raced in getting the elevator first, punching the ground floor button repeatedly while laughing despite two people giving them judgmental looks. Mikan bit her lip to refrain from bursting into a fit of laughter, securing herself on the corner of the elevator as Natsume stood beside her in close contact, their arms and hands brushing against each other and although they wanted to hold hands, they knew exactly what stopped them.
Physical contact though placed least on their priority for the day. They stopped into several stores to buy change of clothes like sleepwear and another set of comfortable casual outfit for tomorrow's trip back to Tokyo. Choosing the clothes only took some time because they bought what fitted them first, giving less thought if it looked good on them or not. Another series of laughter ensued when it came to the time they needed to buy their underwear and swimming attire. No one said it aloud at first but it was already there in their minds, that they needed to change undies also, not until Mikan asked Natsume if he needed one because she definitely needed one and warned him not to tease her about it. After accomplishing the clothes part, they tackled the grocery next with Mikan searching for dishes that even beginners could ace and made a list of ingredients from that.
Already knowing their responsibilities, Natsume pulled a cart, suggesting that they go in every alley to not skip anything that they might need later. Mikan's only response was to smile, thinking in her mind that Natsume was being overprepared for such an spontaneous and short trip. The grocery they went into had all the essentials a person could think of, considering how large the vicinity, even selling hardware supplies and plants. It was basically a hypermarket. During grocery shopping, Natsume usually felt sleepy as he just take what he needed to buy but this time was different as Mikan kept on rambling on every product they needed, asking him on where they could save more. Mikan was particularly meticulous in this grocery shopping by being stingy with the price and the quality. To make fun of her, Natsume teased that she could make a good wife who typically saved money by budgeting the budget.
"Natsume?" asked Mikan as she turned around, not stopping from walking.
"Hmm?"
"Why did you decide to take over the company in the future? Isn't that dangerous? What if they change you before you change them?"
Trust Mikan to ask the deepest of questions in unexpected places. Natsume paused for a moment, thankful that the store only had few customers during that time, and digested the question by word. When he thought about it carefully, it was no wonder why Mikan asked such thing. Anyone would likely ask him that especially Ruka who knew well about how their families worked their way up. The curiosity in Mikan's eyes showed as she blinked them repeatedly, waiting patient for Natsume's answer to the million dollar question. It helped that Natsume already asked himself that and came up with an answer eventually so he was quick to relay it to Mikan.
"I figured that I can only change them once I am in. "
Once Natsume knew the employees, the system, the top management, the investors, and future clients, that was when he would know for sure how to change everything. His dream was big, far-fetched, ambitious, and it might not go according to his plan but some people did not even try and if he wanted to make a difference, he must do this at all cost. Getting his grandmother's attention was the first step and he planned on winning Kaoru to his side in the future. It was a lot for an 18-year old to take and Natsume knew that he needed to do good in university, too.
"Usually, they go the other way, build themselves, become powerful until they are able to confront them some other day."
But, Natsume had never been average. He excelled in almost everything and he was planning to be consistent about that. He made a smug look, leaning on the push cart's handle, said, "Well, I am not your usual guy."
"Yeah, you are not," Mikan agreed with a smile. She did not need to ask anymore as her trust in him was unquestionable. What Natsume promised to himself, he would achieve it without doubt. And, if he would ask for her support one day, she was more than glad to give it to him. Mikan pulled the cart, satisfied with what she heard, grabbing a tray of egg and turned around to ask Natsume if he wanted to buy one, her smile never leaving her face. "Eggs?" she asked.
"Always," Natsume answered, taking it from Mikan's hand and gently putting it on the cart, "But, which of us knows how to cook this perfectly?"
"None of us is a really high caliber cook but nothing could go wrong when it comes to eggs."
Natsume already imagined their future disaster on the kitchen. "You'll never know, Polka," he said.
The meat section was the hardest as the two of them were not experts on what kind of meat to choose and what cut should be made from it but through asking the employees, it helped them a lot to make a decision. After going through the ingredients of the planned meal, of course, they headed excitedly to the bottled drinks and chips like usual teenagers and made a final check of the list before going to the cashier. Mikan grabbed two slippers on their way to payment because of the sudden thought that wearing shoes all day was not healthy for their feet.
Buying clothes was fun and even this grocery shopping caused them to feel like they were in an adventure, far from people who they knew and who knew them, making decisions at the moment, not thinking of what was to come next. It was so carefree and digressed from reality but Mikan said it to herself that they deserved this day. Natsume deserved to be happy, at least. They packed the items together in paper bags and distributed the weight equally. Fortunately, they did not park the car away from the entrance so the paper bags survived not being torn as the wet goods started to spread on the paper.
Mikan liked it very much when they were inside the car, traversing quiet and smooth roads which served mesmerizing sceneries on the side. Road trips with Natsume had always been momentous in a way that it was so subtle but impactful. Mikan did not bear any amount of fear when Natsume was the one driving, showed how much her faith to him was. To not be able to this anymore starting tomorrow made her heart suffer pain but the fact that she had someone to lay down all her heart's desire and faults was a blessing she was always grateful for.
They reached the hotel in no time and headed straight to the kitchen and fridge to prepare for dinner. Two mobile phones on the kitchen counter, displaying different recipes but they worked one dish at a time since they needed each other's opinion just in case. Natsume quickly washed the vegetables and the meat, sorting out the other items in the fridge and placed some on the stainless basket provided in their room. Dividing the work from cutting the ingredients to who should boil the water made their cooking efficient though they were still unsure of the quality because there was this question on experience.
"Cooking rice is the first thing they teach you in camping," Natsume said as he finished washing the rice.
Mikan looked at him skeptically. "I didn't know you are the type to go camping."
"Youtube is a good platform of knowledge."
Mikan's eyebrows met, trying to stare at Natsume. "I see, it's either videogames or Youtube."
The sudden awareness of Mikan looking at him brought consciousness in all sorts. Natsume pointed at the pot but Mikan did not budge so he was left with no choice but to check the stew himself. "The way you look at me makes me feel like I'm discovered. Seen. Busted."
"Is it a bad thing?" Mikan asked, standing beside him, eventually occupying Natsume's spot for her to check the stew herself.
"You're the only one who looks that way to me."
"Stew's ready," Mikan declared after having a taste test, disregarding the spoon on the counter, turning off the stove, and placed hands on her waist. "We have to make some rules."
Natsume acted innocent as he sat on the swivel chair. "Rules, why?" he asked as he munched the opened chips.
"Because we can't keep acting like this after today."
"What do you mean?" Natsume asked, prolonging the conversation and acting all cool about it. Well, in fact, he knew exactly what Mikan's point was. He just liked the way she looked in the guise of confusion.
Mikan knew that he just liked to see him stirred up by something they could talk about and make terms with. Sighing as she took her own seat and ate the chips, Mikan explained further, "Like we're still, you know, together."
"I cannot really disconnect myself with you when we broke up just a few days ago," Natsume defended.
Mikan shook her head, her face insisted that they should talk about it this early. "Rule number one…"
"Okay, I'm listening."
Natsume waited and Mikan looked like she was about to say something anytime until she just opened her mouth, no words came out, and all of a sudden looked defeated. "I can't think of anything. Honestly, I don't want anything to change but that's just pure selfishness."
"We can start day by the day. No hurry," Natsume said to ease her worries, pinching her chin, and tapping the corner of her mouth as a way of telling her to smile.
Mikan lifted the corner of her mouth although not looking fully convinced. "What do you think will be the reaction of our friends? I can already envision Sumire grabbing my hair."
"Well, there is that possibility."
"Natsume!"
"They won't be happy for sure. But, they just have to understand."
On how Mikan would tell them about the breakup, she had no idea where to start. Did breakups ever just enter a conversation without a moment's notice? Was it something that their friends could understand immediately or was it something to be angry about? Mikan feared the reaction of her friends, scared on what kind of disappointment she was about to give them but she wanted to be honest about it anyway. She wanted to take full responsibility. But, the face of Hotaru crossed her mind and she felt tingling all over her body. Mikan was sure that Hotaru would not like a bit of her decision.
Mikan realized that thinking about the future only gave her the shivers so she distracted herself by preparing the dinner while keeping eyes on Natsume's movements to which he was aware of. Her eyes watching her, her attention only paid to him, her curiosity and concern were all for him and it made him feel better than anyone else even though in reality, he was not. Natsume considered himself just like any teenager out there: defenseless with opinions kept being unheard but determined to do something about it. Sharing another with meal in an unfamiliar place actually caused them to feel independency and invincibility like they could do anything. This chance they had, this day they owed to each other, it was yet to begin.
They both sat across each other, blessing their food, and simultaneously took the first bite on two different dishes. No words were out yet and instead they smiled at the taste that reached their senses.
"This is just right," Natsume said.
Mikan nodded, feeling like crying a little. "Yeah."
Natsume was drying his hair while checking the updates on his phone containing several messages from his friends, a voice call from his father teasing him about the night out, and an e-mail from Kaoru which he did not read. He tilted his head to see that Mikan was shutting off the lights and only let the lamps on the sides of the bed live. The night fell so perfectly and quietly that Natsume did not even notice that it was almost midnight, a few hours left and it would be morning. Mikan rushed to the couch he was in and continued rubbing the towel on his head for him.
After dinner, the indeed played Just Dance for more than an hour, making them all sweaty and more than deserving of a hot shower. Hungriness once seeped to them but fortunately they bought light snacks to add to the heavy dinner that night and kept their energy levels past midnight.
"That's your spot. This is mine." Natsume was pertaining about the bed and their respective spots later. It was a given that no one would sleep on the couch since the bed was big enough to accommodate them. "Let's ask for extra blankets?" he asked after a while.
"No need," Mikan replied as she waved her hand. Upon checking that Natsume's hair was almost dry by touching its strands, she sat on a more comfortable position on the other side of the couch, stretching her legs while playing her toes. Her sudden quietness already alerted Natsume that she had something to say and he was not wrong about it because Mikan said it after a while. "Natsume? I kept on wondering if breaking up was the only answer. I mean is Kaoru that easy to convince? Should we do more?"
Natsume mimed her position until their feet were touching, sending cold sensation to their brains and skin. He used to argue with Mikan about not getting anything she wanted just by talking, that life and conflicts were not supposed to be that easy to resolve but here they were, achieving a lot in a day by talking but also by sacrificing a lot in their end. Maybe it was not the words they let out today that convinced Kaoru but the actions that she did not expect they would take.
"She's satisfied because she knew that it was the thing we never wanted to happen."
Mikan understood what he meant, saddened by the reminder of it. She stood up and jumped on the bed, taken aback on how soft and comfortable the sheets were. "Do you think after five years our feelings will remain? I was sure then but I'm afraid anything could happen. No one can really tell."
"Do you still want to be with me someday?" Natsume asked as he laid beside her, his arm supporting her upper body.
No hesitation, no pauses, no doubts, Mikan quickly replied. "Yes. It's very likely." Her eyes on him while she was illuminated by the night lamps made Natsume think that Mikan was some kind of renaissance painting.
Natsume had the same speed in reply as he gathered his thoughts. "Me too."
They broke up, not a couple anymore but their feelings kept on igniting inside them and there was no stopping it anytime soon. Being in a place far from the people who knew them, only surrounded by strangers who could judge them all they want but the effect was not everlasting. Laying there in a huge bed inside the most quiet places on Earth tonight making them hear their breathing too soundly and detailed. They both knew this was the perfect time to spill all their emotions that was supposed to be shared for a longer period of time but had to meet an abrupt end.
Later, they went for the bed and spread the blankets. Mikan noted that Natsume kept on watching her and the next thing she knew, Natsume ran a hand to her face and it was a positive thing that Mikan did not move, only her eyes told him that she was welcoming the touch.
"I told you once that if ever we do it, it won't be in our house," Natsume said as a joke and he waited for a violent physical reaction that never came. "What? Where's the squeal, the punch on my shoulder, and the line 'You're such a pervert'?"
Mikan laughed while tears threatened to escape her eyes but got away with it as she controlled her emotions while caressing Natsume's shoulder. "Stupid, Natsume. You really know how to make me aware that this is the last time we'll ever see each other like this."
She watched his face being highlighted by the darkness and little light surrounding the room. Mikan heard his explanation well and only watched his lips and the blinking of his eyes while he said, "Destroying the family system isn't as easy as it seems. I am sure they will require me to study abroad and I will agree but that will be part of my plan. We will part ways but that is just temporary, hopefully. I…I can't wait for that day to come, Mikan. To be with you without reservations."
"I will also do my best and surprise you." Mikan promised to be someone who had no fears anymore. Sounded simple but definitely not easy. Spending a moment to summarize the day, she could not help but laugh at the way things turned out.
"You already looked convincing then why are you giggling now?"
Mikans shrugged her shoulders. "Because it feels like I watched this in a movie or read this somewhere, this story. We tried to be different but we ended up like them."
"We are not selfish like you said. But, I can't be selfless all the time."
"I feel the same," Mikan agreed with a determine face, "Oh, Natsume. I realized that Aoi will tell you 'Told you so!' I remember being so convincing in front of her. I am so, so sorry for that."
Natsume raised an eyebrow. He was getting sick of hearing nonstop apologies from Mikan. "Don't apologize. You are right about hearing that from Aoi but I don't care. In fact, I want us to stop talking about how thing turned out that way we didn't want it to be."
"Okay, let's talk about something else then."
"Yeah, sure."
But, Natsume did not say anything if words were the basis. He just kissed her. He tasted her lips while assisting her to lie down on the bed. Natsume briefly stopped to allow breathing on both sides. Mikan touched his hair, eyes completely fixed on him and Natsume knew that she was willing to give more. The way Mikan looked at that moment unparalleled the gravity of any words she could mutter. Her brown eyes were longing, excited, passionate, and she lifted her head to meet his lips, feeling impatient with how long the pause took. Natsume gave an equal amount of desire with their second kiss. There was no question if they should be doing this right now because they knew that nothing was wrong in doing so. As always, they were just acting out their feelings. He kissed her neck, nibbled her ear, bit her lips, and did it all over again.
Natsume lifted Mikan's body so they could kiss more comfortably. He did not want to admit it but he was sure it showed how much he liked when Mikan touched his face, played with his hair, and adored his body. She teased him by running a finger to the waist band of his pants so Natsume took her hand, kissed her more aggressively this time making them tumble back to the bed. Mikan looked fierce and graceful at the same time, radiating her simple beauty which spoke thousands for Natsume. He was so affected by how Mikan was taking all this, glad that he was not being pushed.
It had been almost a year since they met and lot had happened, the good and the bad served as beautiful memories for them. That even of the future of their relationship seemed so unsure at the present, they still had something to look back and smile about. Being at a point in their friendship where they told everything each other easily meant that they were meant to be best friends and to further improve their relationship was a choice they made without hesitations because they wanted to be with each other more than anything else. Mikan let Natsume into her life which was the best decision she made and if she did not do so, she might be the saddest human being right now.
When they were with their friends, it was a happy treat, always appreciating the deepness of their friendship. When they were alone together like tonight, it felt that they could do anything, that their capabilities were limitless, that the places they could go were never ending. They were meant to meet each other and fall in love. Natsume considered Mikan as his greatest love, despite how young they were, she was the only one who could influence him like this. He hugged her tightly that night and cried his eyes out. Good things meeting their ends was something Natsume always hated and he watched it happen repeatedly in his life.
"It's okay," Mikan whispered. "We'll find each other again," she promised.
Natsume cried even more and with Mikan hugging him, her warmth transcending into his skin, he only felt more sorrow. He knew that he would miss this terribly. Mikan did her best in calming him by tapping her hand on his shoulder blade, saying comforting things so quietly that it was almost a whisper to his heart. Natsume glanced at Mikan's face, convinced that though she was not crying like a child similar to his but her eyes held grief and sadness. Mikan was strong, not acting it out but she actually was and Natsume found a source of light from her.
"Let's make this worth it so there would be no regrets." Her voice came out soft and it sounded like a real promise.
Natsume nodded. Mikan was right about that anyway.
The drive-thru staff greeted them a good morning and with a lively voice she asked for their orders and repeated it with accuracy. Just like Natsume's rolled down window, Mikan did the same to hers, accepting with peace the chilliness of the mountain air. Natsume handed her the sandwich and the coffee, perfect combination for this early morning. The sun was in line with the horizon, peeking on and off from the thin clouds and blessing them with one of the nicest morning views since the year began. Natsume stopped the car on a wide shoulder just the perfect location to watch the sun fully illuminate the island. This was how they looked yesterday, eating at the back of the car while staring at a gorgeous sea view. Both their faces looked rested despite the quantity of sleep.
Leaving the hotel first thing in the morning was quite a hard task on its own due to exhaustion making the early alarm irrelevant on the heaviness of their body which kept them on the bed longer than should. The bathroom was occupied by Mikan initially as Natsume woke his senses with black coffee. He was expecting a long drive with not much stop today so he had to gather his strength and alertness. He knew taking a nap would be futile so he settled within the softness of the bed. Hearing Mikan said that it was his time to go was the moment he opened his eyes and immediately got up, took his bath wordless, and ended in less than 20 minutes.
They checked twice if they had anything left on the bed, in the corners of the room, in the couch, in the kitchen just in case and found none. It was all clear. Mikan arranged the sheets and everything else that they messed up. Natsume followed her steps to the elevator as he locked the room, verbalizing his regret of not trying the swimming pool. Mikan just laughed at his remark, finding it so unusual and yet reasonable. Well, for one, staying on hotels was not cheap at all so trying their amenities could at least make you feel you got your money's worth. She said that they would definitely swim the next time.
To be honest, Natsume liked that the sense of futurism in that sentence. The upcoming opportunities for them to be together was definitely something to look forward to. He really hoped that he could stay in Japan as long as possible and that needed planning. When they reached the front desk and paid their bills, Mikan expressed her hunger and suggested that since they needed to go back to Tokyo, they should just buy food from a drive-thru. Just carrying a backpack with the clothes they bought yesterday and herself, it screamed that Mikan only prepared herself for a short trip, no extensions or buying of more hours. That was it and then he finally felt the hunger.
On the paper towel was where the fries laid in a mess, mayo and ketchup on the side separated in an appropriate distance. Both cups of coffee reaching its end and so did the pancakes and sandwiches, their eating stimulated by the songs they jammed to using Natsume's 80s Spotify playlist. Mikan took candid and planned photos of Natsume, the sea, the sea wall, the sun, her, then a bunch of pictures together with Natsume. Pictures of Mikan were also taken using Natsume's phone but he was kind of low-key about it. He also took a picture of the food and its aftermath.
They drove through many highways and passed by many boundaries, leading them to Tokyo shortly. Talking about school caused them to have a zap of reality, their mini vacation was over and they had to face the effects of their decision. They had their family and friends to explain to but that could wait tomorrow since tiredness began to make its way to their bodies once again. Gone were the bulk of trees on the side of the road and the traditional houses and now they were once again travelling the city with tall buildings and bright lights. It was past lunch when they reached Mikan's house which looked unoccupied from the outside. Natsume turned off the engine and walked her to the door.
"Where are you going after here?" asked Mikan.
Natsume pointed to his left. "To Dad so I could give back the car."
Awkward silence and stealing glances.
"This ends here." Mikan's voice trembled along with the stirring of her kept emotions. She was doing good in hiding her grief until now but still determined to hold it until the last second, at least until he was out of sight.
Natsume failed to look her in the eye, instead gazed at her hand as he reached it. "Yeah," he replied.
Mikan struggled a smile. "Goodbye," she said.
"Goodbye, Polka."
From the first time they met on the road up to now, it was definitely everything.
End of Chapter