Chapter Fifty-One

A Night to Remember

(Trigger Warning: More about her past - and naming her abusers. and this is right at the start so please... Viewer discretion is advised)

"I was a slave." That was how I decided to start the topic. The whole table – minus Drake – stilled.

Fenris looked a bit more sympathetic, "Your tattoo is…"

I nodded, "To symbolize my Freedom – and something else. I was a sex slave. For 15 years I did as I was told to save my two younger sisters from that very fate – that was how my cooperation was ensured; the two who got to me… I was left with my family the whole time, but I was still a slave – and I knew it. One of the two was caught twice – and both times were because he over-reached and tried for someone else. He was thrown in jail, 'rehabilitated' and then allowed to come back. The other one – the younger of the two – I feared a lot more. He was… deranged. My freedom came when I got married the first time – to a gay man who wanted to use me without telling me. I didn't know at the time – and honestly, I feel more upset that he didn't support me than the fact that he never wanted me. It was a relief after what I had gone through. By the time I realized that it was never going to work and separated from him to move back home, the younger master had already gotten married and moved away. The older one was still there though… but he didn't touch me after that. I… it was… I got pregnant from that – and had to abort it because of who my masters were and how old I was. So the tattoo looks 'broken' to show that loss. I love kids – but even I knew the risks of such a thing."

Fenris had gradually begun to glow in anger as the story progressed – by now, he was also growling, "How? How was your family none the wiser?"

"Yes, my love – how is that?" Alistairs' voice rang through the air and my head snapped up – Drake was holding the mirror. I flinched – I hadn't told him either.

"I-I… Please don't ask – you'll all be angrier and they can't hurt me anymore… I was free for seven years before… I'm safe now – I have guards and…"

Alistair – looking sympathetic but still angry – said, "Some of what you just said, I didn't know. I knew most of it from when you told me, but some of that stuff – the younger one getting married and the baby… you didn't tell me."

"I know – I never speak of that. I was 12 – so I couldn't have done anything more than abort anyway. But add in whom the… I just… please, don't make me say it…" I heard the waver in my voice. Alistair – being the way he was – nodded and didn't say anything.

Fenris said, "You need to say it – if not to the whole table, then to at least one person. It helps sometimes – to talk to someone who knows what happened."

I hung my head and nodded, "They were my two older brothers – Gareth and Jonas."

"How was the older one ever allowed back near you? Especially after… you said he was caught – I assume that means they knew what he did to you as well?" I nodded at Hawkes' words – now refusing to look up at all.

"Then how was he allowed back?" Carver asked.

"I was asked if I was willing to allow him back by my parents – but as I said, Jonas was deranged… he threatened me to say yes so I did. And he was allowed back just like that; both times. C-can I be excused now?" I whimpered – trying to hold back tears and knowing that the nightmares would be worse tonight.

I had avoided saying that they were my attackers for so long – because whenever I talked about it, the dreams were worse and…

"She's having a panic attack!" I heard Alistairs' worried cry as I began shaking and hyperventilating. And then… my head hit the table as I fell and I recalled nothing.

I woke – feeling that it was still night – and realized I was held tightly in someones' arms. I looked up to realize it was Fenris that held me. He was still awake too.

"I apologize – I shouldn't have pressed the issue at dinner." He said at once when he noticed I was awake.

I curled closer to him, "I would have had the attack anyway – I always do after talking about it. Some of the things that happened… I can't reconcile in my head."

"It was decided that I will share your room anytime we leave Kirkwall."

I snorted, "Who decided? I don't think anyone could make you… and besides, your markings hurt when you touch someone – I wouldn't want to make you…"

"The soap you gave me – I only feel the pain when someone uses magic on me now… at least, so far. I suppose we will see since it hasn't been that long since I began using it. If the pain returns, I will let you know."

I nodded softly against him, "And who decided?"

"King Alistair told us how it is when you share a bed with someone who isn't one of your mates – that you still get the nightmares; on a lesser scale. I chose to aid you – since you warned me of Merrill and Anders, and even refused to heal me at that Ambush site when Hawke was yelling for you too because I said no. Strange as it may seem, I think I'm beginning to trust you."

"… Your birthday is next month – Solace 14th. You'll be 23. I want to get you something…" I whispered.

He blinked and pulled back a bit, "My… birthday?"

"I know you don't remember it – but yes…" I said.

"How do you know?" He looked hesitant.

"Oh… uh… you would have learned it yourself in about 6 years. I had a vision of it, thus creating the Paradox of you knowing before you knew…"

"I… I think just knowing that much is enough – you are aware I don't recall my past…"

I nodded and we fell into silence. Soon we fell asleep.

We got back to Kirkwall the next morning – again making camp close to the destination since it was too dark to continue.

Aveline had soldiered ahead – wanting to talk to the Captain first thing… I made us all go to the keep as soon as we got going the next morning.

We arrived just in time for Avaline to be coming out of Captain Jevans office looking pissed off and muttering, "Threaten my friends? Not letting that one go, captain." I snorted and caught her attention just as the man in question went to slam his door… before he caught sight of me and stopped.

Jevan was shorter than Avaline at 5'7 with smoky brown-grey hair that was bald at the top and blue eyes… I could feel his evil from half a room away.

"You're… Lady Cousland, right?" Aveline – who only knew me as Ara; a Fairy Seeress and Mistress to the King – looked at me in shock. I shrugged.

Jevan pressed the issue, "You are the sister to Teyrn Cousland; and the Teyrna of Gwaren as well as being the King of Fereldens' Mistress. It's an honor to…"

I cut him off. "You'll have to forgive me, Ser, I just came to take Aveline for Lunch… we took out some Bandits yesterday, up the Mount… they seemed to be waiting for someone but they attacked us as we passed through and we found evidence they were waiting for one of your guards. I figured Aveline earned a reward for that – and for saving my life."

She had too – I now owed Aveline a life-debt because she had jumped in front of a dagger meant for me. If she hadn't taken it to the arm, I would have taken it to the head… I'd checked through visions. Drake had been mortified to learn it.

I had been a little shaken up and rushed to heal her after the fact. She had waved off my thanks and insistence that I was in her debt… she'd likely call it even once we saved Donnic, but I still felt massively grateful to the woman.

"Right… uh… I need to… get back to work." He closed the door.

"We're going to lunch?" Avaline asked in disbelief. "I never said when. I figure we see whose patrol that was, before hitting this nice place in Hightown that offered me a table for today."

We all walked over to the post listing. Avaline was looking it over when a woman came up. She was 5'5 with short strawberry blond hair and soft chocolate eyes with skin like cream… I was jealous of her thin waist. I found myself reaching for my bag and pulling out a chocolate bar for this woman.

The woman looked happily at Aveline, "Avaline! I owe you big for clearing out that ambush the other night; saved me a mess of trouble." Her voice was so… lulling. How could Jevan ever set up a beauty like this? You would think, as a corrupt man, he'd have tried to bed her, not have her killed! She was very pretty and I found myself wishing she was my fourth mate.

"Brennan, that route was yours?" Avaline looked horrified. Without much more thought I handed the chocolate over to Brennan… "Uh… I was… I shouldn't eat this sweet stuff so often, and was reminded of it by your eyes… why don't you take it… for your potential troubles." The woman shot me a bright smile and I knew I was blushing when Hawke gave me an amused look.

Drake shot me a hopeful, questioning look. I gave him a small shake of the head. He pouted.

"Thank you, Miss. And yes, it was mine… single patrol. I'd have been dead for sure."

"A lone guard isn't much of a Patrol," Hawke observed.

"Shouldn't need to be; that route was dead for weeks. First noise out of it was your big fight. Captain reassigned me after he heard what you did, and I passed the satchel to Donnic for his patrol tonight."

I saw Avaline pale as Brennan munched on the chocolate I gave her, "The… satchel?" Hawke asked, sounding suspicious.

"Pay and Order assignments. Captain has us run deliveries to the outposts during light duty. It's usually just an updated copy of the roster; satchel was heavy for that night though. Anyway, thanks Avaline, you're a good one. And you Ma'am for the sweet," she gave us a slight bow before walking away.

"The satchel gets heavy same day we discover an ambush?" Avaline was looking over the roster again.

"I bet there's a perfectly reasonable lie that explains why your captain arranged this," Hawke smirked and I snorted.

"I'd be willing to hear it, but not while another guard may be walking into a trap. Brennan said Donnic… a good man. Ah! Here's his route. Nights walk in low town. Let's go make sure his quiet patrol stays that way!" I smiled at her.

We did all go to lunch… Avaline, Hawke, Fenris, the twins, Merrill, Isabela, Drake and Varric all followed me like a litter of puppies to the restaurant. We were seated instantly when the host saw my Chancellor broach. I heard a few Nobles in line bitching until the man addressed me using my title.

After we ate, we took Merrill back to the Alienage. "Elgar'nan! Is this… is this really where the Elves live?" Fenris snorted but I spoke. "Yes, hun… it is. Could be worse, could be better."

Varric shrugged, "Not the prettiest part of Kirkwall, but it doesn't have a view of the giant chains; take what you can get."

"I didn't think it would be so… so… I've never seen so many people in one place before. It seems so lonely." I noticed many people looking our way; specifically at me – the seemingly Elven woman in nice clothes with long hair.

A second glance told me that they all knew exactly who I was – from a normal standpoint. Harel, Desta and Lindel came down here to visit other family members and friends over the past few days while I was gone; they'd told me they would. I told them they didn't have to ask – if their work was done, then their time was theirs; not mine.

These people knew of the 'Dalish Elf' with fiery hair and silver eyes – that she was a noble and treated other 'lower' elves with great care and respect. They knew that the tree I employed were well paid and taught. I could see many wanted to approach me – I had 4 available 'help' rooms… and only needed to save one for Orana if she didn't end up working for Hawke. If I could help these people… and Celeste might like to teach them recipes and have a hand with the babe if I was taking her mates out of the city on occation…

Damn – I was about to hire three more people, wasn't I?

"Well… you know us, and you have a standing invitation to visit my place. Who knows; maybe you'll make other friends soon enough," I shrugged and could feel Fenris' gaze on my face.

"Thank you. Thank you for everything – all your help. Will you come visit me? I mean, not now, of course; but maybe later? I could use a friend…"

Hawke nodded and I gave a small smile.

I spoke – louder than was needed – when I said, "Of course, Merrill – you go found housing, I need to hire another 3 people since we'll have a small child in the house soon. Kids are a lot of work – I would know. I prefer hiring the Elves – they have better work ethic than most Humans these days."

I heard people begin making their way over toward me – to volunteer or put forth their brother, son, daughter or such.

One caught my eye instantly – she had Red hair, blue eyes, pasty white skin and looked emaciated. She couldn't be more than 5'4 and aged at maybe 16 years old. I motioned to her and she stepped hesitantly forward, "M-My Lady?"

"Call me Ara – everyone does… what happened to you?" I wanted to cry – now that she was closer, I could feel her pain, terror and hunger through my empathy… I hadn't realized before that there was a limited range on it. This girl kept glancing at Hawke and Carver in fear – they were the only human males in my group so I knew at once.

She explained that she had run off from her last job because the lord was… oh Goddess… "Who did this?"

She shook her head – too scared to name him. I understood that, "Okay – what's your name, sweet girl? I have to know if I'm going to hire you; and don't be worried – any male I bring around won't harm you on the fear that I'd castrate them if they did… not that they would anyway."

Drake spoke softly, "She would too – you should know that Ara will never lie to you."

She nodded, "Desta said as much – that's why I… came over here when she said… I was hoping… I'm Hanan…"

I smiled softly at her, "Well, Hanan – I will allow you to pick the two others that I will hire today – because you look like you've been here a while." She would know which of these people would be okay – the fact that she was emaciated when ran off a few weeks ago according to her story meant that some of these people weren't helping her. It was one thing if they couldn't, but she would know who did so maliciously or regretfully.

She looked surprised before considering the group for a moment and pointing out two others – the first was a boy of about 19 with brown hair to match his darker brown eyes and tanned skin; he was about 5'6 and looked at her gratefully when she picked him. He said his name was Pellian – Pell for short. The second was a girl no older than 18 standing at 5'5 with sandy blonde hair, hazel eyes, and a deep tan – she was the sister of Pell and was called Rinalla.

We all headed back to my estate shortly after that – and I made sure the three were fed, properly clothed and settled before I did anything else. Hanan was designated to help Celeste if needed – Celeste didn't even argue like she normally would since Drake filled her in on Hanan while I settled the new hires and gave them their starting pay.

That night, we were walking through Lowtown; Aveline, Hawke, Varric, Galaxia, Fenris and myself. We ran into 3 groups of Sharps Highwaymen and wiped them all out in a relatively easy set of battles. Magma and Galaxia had already taken care of the fake Guardsmen while I'd been up on Sundermount – they told me when I returned. And they passed on the message from the Red Jenny person – Xia had been highly amused and told the woman that it had been at my insistence. I'd wanted the place cleared because Celeste had a baby on the way… I was protective of children and I think I had adopted Hanan…

"This is not a quiet patrol! He should have had another guard with him," Aveline grumbled.

"We will find him, Avaline. Keep heart," She gave me a smile. Now that she knew more about me – that I couldn't tell a lie, got visions and who I was – she seemed to like me a bit more. They all knew I needed to leave some things as they were, but didn't know why… just took it in stride.

I pointed to the proper alleyway and the Warriors were off like a shot while Hawke and I set barriers and Varric began shooting; only 6 men? They died in less than 2 minutes.

The second wave, coming from behind us fared worse. They had stepped into a trap I'd laid, dying instantly.

Xia comforted me as moved the stones in the alley to bury the men within and said final rights. Aveline went right for Donnic.

He groaned, "Who…? Ave-Aveline? Maker, you're a beautiful sight." I smirked when Hawke and Varric both looked at me… then I nodded causing grins.

"Guardsmen?" She asked with a small smile. "I mean… I was on patrol; they came out of nowhere. I took a few down, but there were too many at once. The captain said this route was supposed to be quiet."

Hawke knelt by a small bag on the ground.

"That's… um, not to alarm anyone, but that's the seal of the Viscount. Office details, city accounts," I said.

"Valuable to a guild of thieves," Hawke commented, almost off-handedly.

Aveline looked furious, "A sacrificial delivery with one of our own? Captain Jevan will answer for this."

"Selling out his own? Forget guard captain, this man needs to be in government!" Hawke snarked and I snorted.

"Oh not now, Hawke," Aveline groaned.

"But Aveline – it's that sort of humor that Alistair adores! I think he and Hawke will get along just fine… granted that Hawke keeps his kisses away from me."

Fenris grumbled an agreement while Xia said, "I agree – the Dragon King does seem to love… darker humor."

Donnic looked at me sharply before taking a knee, "Lady Cousland!"

"Up. I don't play well with titles. Call me Ara, and we'll get along swimmingly." Aveline gave me a small smile at that.

Hawke stepped in, "Avaline, Donnic, we will meet you at the Viscounts keep first thing in the morning. Why don't you two finish this patrol together to keep any more incidents at bay?"

Donnic nodded and Aveline said, "Excellent idea Hawke."

"I get those sometimes," He quipped.

When we got to the Keep the next morning, Jevan was already being hauled away. "How dare you?! I am Guard Captain! I won't be treated like this! Ferelden Bitch! This was none of your affair! I'll see you hanged; quartered! This will not stand." I walked up to him and stuffed a large piece of bread in his mouth. "You looked like you could use it," I shrugged as he glared and Hawke sniggered.

I turned and saw Seneschal Bran Cavin standing near the Guard Captains desk. He was 5'6 with short but fluffy red hair and brown eyes. He had stubble on the front edge of his squared jaw but nowhere else. Somehow that suited him. If I didn't know he had someone he was… seeing, I'd have wanted to try him out.

He gave me a small bow before looking to Aveline. "We found a number of debts to… suspect peoples; such poor character. But you, Aveline Vallen, have proven you're loyalty and ability."

"The guards deserve better than him, messere."

"Indeed. The viscount would have you put your care of the men into direct practice. You will assume the captains spot."

"What?" Her eyes shot to me and I bowed my head with a smirk. "You earned it… Guard Captain."

Bran gave me an amused look, "In due time, of course. There will be training, approvals; months, at least. But who better to rebuild respect than the woman who exposed this… embarrassment? Resolve any outstanding buissness, Guardswoman; you will be very busy."

Bran grinned at her and gave me another small bow before departing.

I gave her a grin as I sat in the chair in front of her desk, "So… what are we going to do next – clear out the Sharps in Lowtown and get the dumbasses at the Docks? Those guys are only active at night but… the guard is ill equipped to handle those groups at the moment. Considering my guards took care of a group of Fake Guards while we were up the mount…"

Aveline flinched, "I'd heard rumors about that but I thought no one was that stupid – to impersonate the city guard…"

"Considering what was just hauled out of the office, I thought you'd know better," I commented idly.

Hawke sniggered, "That's a fair point – with Jevan in this office, who knows how many things he let slide? Fuck, maybe he was in debt to them too."

Fenris nodded, "That is a likely possibility – and if he were in debt to all three gangs… they may come after you for the payment as the one who cut it off."

Aveline sighed, "Then we do need to take care of the other two gangs – if they come after me they may come after Hawke, Varric and Ara as the ones who helped me that have any note…"

Fenris stiffened, "You know we will aid in this – Ara wouldn't have mentioned it otherwise."

I hummed as I mentally started thinking up another new soap recipe. Merrill had chosen as I thought she might – Kitten. Aveline had actually surprised me. I wasn't able to get a proper read on her likes so I just let her pick… and she chose War Torn. I didn't tell anyone what their respective soap scents cost – because I wasn't going to let my friends pay for them. I mean – the Origin Crew knew since they had been there when the original prices were decided. Nate, Velanna, Anders, and Sigrun… and the crew here… they didn't know.

I mean – Fenris knew how much Kitten was and Templars' Rose. He didn't know that the soap he used was worth 1.7 Sovereigns per a bottle – nor did he know that the soap I used was worth 3… they would all know when I opened my shop though.

I imagined most of them might be surprised at the expense they used for free – I doubted Varric or Fenris would be very surprised. Fenris had seen all the fancy things that Denarius used and was used to gauging the prices at a glance – like with the wine he liked. Varric was a buissness man – he knew when something was valuable or garbage or something in between.

I imagined the person to be most surprised would likely be Aveline or Bethany. Merrill wouldn't realize it at all… if she even cared. She would know that I liked giving things to my friends because she was the same way. If all she had was one apple, she'd cut and share it.

The recipe I was working on now would be something to replace Lions' Den on my sale shelves since that one wasn't for sale. It would embody the Grey Wardens, I think… hmm…

Scent profile rushed through my head and I envisioned plants I could use…

"Ara… Ara," Hawkes' voice brought me back. I blinked, "What?"

"I asked if you were okay… you zoned out," he had his brows furrowed.

I nodded, "Yeah – working on a new scent in my head – Griffon Stand will be made with Embrium, Death Root, Deep Mushroom, Black Lotus, and Dragonthorn… it'll be based on the Wardens. I was working out portions to get the right scent. I needed something to replace Lions' Den on my sale shelves and sort of… got focused on that while I mentally went through the process of making it. I've made enough soap with Thedasian Herbs that I can calculate what it will smell like if I mix them in such ways. I'm sorry for zoning out. I was also thinking of a matching tea blend…"

Xia sniggered, "You did all that in the last 10 minutes?"

"Was that all it was? I thought I was sitting here for longer – the chair is sort of comfy so…"

I stood and stretched before we all headed our separate ways – I was informed that I would not be helping while the others went after the gangs… I was okay with that since Magma was and promised to cremate and spread the ashes of the men and women killed. I could live with that.