Note- I am going to dedicate this to my 11 year old daughter, Izzy, who gave me the idea of using the events of her birth as the basis for this chapter. Not that she is allowed to read this, of course!
Betta rubbed her hands across her throbbing temples as she wound her way through the castle of Nepi, searching for Micheletto. The ache there made her teeth grind at every burst of raucous laughter or shout that emanated from the crowded yard that hummed with life. Betta had existed in a state of perpetual anxiety since she had returned from Forli and found that that Lady Lucrezia had been confined to her bed for the remainder of her pregnancy because of crippling headaches and lights that she said flashed behind her eyes. She finally found Micheletto leaning against the battlements of the castle, looking towards the south where his master fought a bloody campaign to unite the whole of Italy under one banner. He smiled when he saw her coming but her emotions must have shown on her face for he jumped to his feet and walked to meet her.
"What has happened?" He demanded, tucking a stray lock of hair, torn by the gusting wind from her neat braid, behind her ear
"You must ride for Lord Cesare now, this very minute. The child has dropped in the womb." She grabbed his hand and tugged him down the narrow stone stairs, kicking at a stray chicken that scratched in the dirt.
"What does that mean?" he asked as they sped to the stables after she gathered provisions for his journey.
"The child has dropped lower in her belly, and the midwife says the birth will come soon. She is worried, Micheletto, and I fear.." The words choked off with a sob. "It is too soon, Micheletto." Childbirth was always dangerous but she had seen the face of the midwife, an enormously practical woman who had been selected both for her reputation as a mid wife and her disinclination to gossip, as she had examined her mistress. The look she had given Betta made panic seize her throat and she had to choke off all the words that wanted to scream out.
Micheletto kissed her cheek and then sped off in a flurry of dust and hooves. She knew that he would ride as swiftly as he was able, not stopping until he reached his master on the field of battle. Betta watched him go and then returned to her lady's side as she fought her own battle.
Lady Lucrezia was not oblivious to the tension that had gripped those around her. When the pains finally came in the middle of a cold night three days later she sent everyone from the room and motioned Betta close, whispering instructions into her ear that made her cry out in shock.
"No my lady, I can not do as you ask."
Lucrezia gripped her hands with a strength born of desperation. "You promised to aid me in any way that I require. If I die you will do this for me. You must swear it." Tears fell from eyes like storm clouds as she pleaded. "Please, Betta. Not because I am your mistress, but because you are the truest friend I have ever had and I would not trust this to anyone but you." Betta cried as she agreed to the plan that Lady Lucrezia had been formulating during the weeks she had been confined to bed.
Betta had been present at the birth of her younger sister and several cousins and she was able to assist the midwife, Zita. Nuns skilled in healing had also been brought from the local convent and the sister's quiet prayers leant a calm atmosphere to the stuffy, crowded room. When Lucrezia's water finally broke free of the womb Betta shared the consternation of the midwife as it poured forth, soaking the bed and the linens. The tried to move Lucrezia to the birthing stool when the pains came fast and hard but her mistress was no longer able to rise from the bed without faintness overtaking her. Time slowed to a crawl, measured by pain and the screams that her lady could no longer contain. Many hours later the child finally crested, and as it slid wetly into the world Betta could see that the baby's arm was wrapped around its throat. The elbow had sliced, and a fountain of blood baptized the screaming boy who lay in the midwife's arms.
"A boy, my lady." Betta said, and took the child from the midwife, who moved very fast when she saw the river of red that was further soaking the bed sheets. Betta handed the child to one of the silent nuns. Zita pressed cloth between Lucrezia's legs and told Betta to hold it in place. She bent and tore the once fine white gown and began kneading the rounded stomach that still quivered. Her hands stopped and Betta read shock and dismay on the woman's face.
"There is another child."
Betta quickly exchanged places with the midwife. Lucrezia was almost fainting, her face wan and bloodless and her eyes staring into empty space. Betta grabbed her chemise at the neck and forced her to sit up. When Lucrezia would have closed her eyes Betta slapped her face and screamed at her. "Push, my lady, push or you shall both perish."
Lucrezia roused herself and screamed as she pushed, holding Betta's hands so tightly that she could feel the bones crunching in protest. She stared into Betta's eyes, and she watched as the grey eyes became wreathed in tiny swatches of red as she screamed and clawed with effort. There was a noise outside and dimly Betta heard shouts that announced that Lord Cesare had finally arrived and was trying to force himself into the room.
"He is here, Lucrezia. Push."
There was some reserve of strength left in the frail body. With a shriek Lucrezia grabbed her knees and pushed the child from her body. With despair Betta saw that the blood which has slowed to a trickle now gushed forth following the emergence of the tiny child. Lady Lucrezia went limp and Betta let her fall to the bed. The midwife caught her eye as she handed her the little girl bathed in the red life blood off her mother and shook her head. Betta paused only long enough to notice that the baby was beautiful, with round cheeks and a head of dark curls, and handed her to the nuns.
"Its too much blood. She will not make it." The woman whispered, backing away from the bed and rubbing her hands on a rag.
Betta drew her knife in move that took less than a heartbeat and brought it to the woman's throat. The nuns ceased their prayers and one of Lucrezia's ladies stifled a shriek but Betta heard none of it as she screamed at the midwife who was going to let Lucrezia fade. "IF YOU LET HER DIE I SWEAR TO GOD YOU WILL FOLLOW HER!" She knew that she looked a mad woman, covered in blood and fluids, gripping the knife, but she did not care.
"I will do what I can but I can't help your lady with a knife at my throat." The midwife dropped the cloth and returned to the insensible woman on the bed.
They worked feverishly together, the midwife massaging her lady's stomach with scented oil that smelled of chamomile while Betta held a roll of cloth to the open wound that had so recently produced life. Dimly she was aware of the sounds of the two babes in the room, crying as they were cleaned and inspected. Had they been deformed in any way the infants would not have been allowed to draw their next breath. The bleeding slowed but the minutes dragged by while she watched the gentle rise and fall of her lady's chest, expecting each movement to be the last. Lucrezia's eyes were closed, but it was not the restful slumber that she needed. Rather it held the shadow of the grave in the deep circles under her eyes and the tinge of grey to her cheeks, as though death was eager to steal her away.
Betta had no idea how much time had passed before she saw that the bleeding had finally stopped. The midwife stood, swaying, and wiped the sweat from her brow. "I have done all that I can. It's in God's hands now." Betta nodded at the woman in agreement.
One of the attendants had just replaced Lady Lucrezia bloody gown when the midwife opened the door with the two infants in her arms. Cesare looked at them for a scant moment before he nodded and pushed his way into the room. Lucrezia was white and motionless on the bed and when he saw her he stumbled and croaked in a voice that hardly seemed his own "Is she.."
"No, my lord." Betta said. "She clings to life."
Betta sent the other women from the room. Monica, one of Lucrezia's newer attendants, looked mutinous at this dismissal but Betta gazed at her dispassionately until the empty headed young girl almost ran from the room. All of the ladies that made up Lucrezia's retinue were terrified of Betta. Lady Angela, a distant cousin of Prince Alfonso, had been found gossiping about Lucrezia to a gentleman from the town and Betta was widely suspected in her mysterious fall from the top of the castle gates. That Betta never bothered to deny her actions only added to her deadly reputation.
The midwife told Betta to stay and try to feed Lucrezia broth or wine and to regularly change the dressing that caught the blood seeping from her womb. Cesare Borgia unbuckled the sword that was at his waist and let in fall to the ground, where it was covered by his traveling cloak, gloves, and heavy doublet. Somewhere in the frantic ride to Nepi his hat had fallen and the dark curls that clung to his neck were coated with a thick layer of dust. The past months had been difficult for Cesare Borgia for there were scars that stained the perfection of his face and made him look much older, as did the lines that that now bracketed his mouth and eyes. He crawled upon the bed where Lucrezia lay motionless and took her hand and stroked the wet hair that lay gleaming upon the pillows. Betta knew there was nothing further she could do so she sat down and leaned her head against the bed and listened through the stupor of exhaustion and grief that clouded her senses.
"Lucrezia." He said, drawing the sound out until the word became both a caress and a prayer. "My love. You must awake." His face was so close to Lucrezia's that the tears he shed flowed from his cheeks on to hers, bathing her face like the waters of baptism. "Nothing else matters if you are taken from me. You are the only thing in this world that I have ever loved and I can not go on if you are taken from me. I will give you back to God if you live, I swear it. I will find a way to let you go. "
He spoke for hours to her, such scalding and beautiful words that Betta thought she would always remember them even as a tiny worm of jealousy snaked through her. No one will ever love me this much, she thought.
Cesare talked about always feeling apart from everyone, separated by intellect and drive and the need to prove himself, especially to their father who he resembled so absolutely. He had felt empty and adrift, marked by the curse of their family name for as long as he could remember but he knew home every time she would smile. When she was an infant his was the only touch that soothed her, and he would rock her for hours when she would cry during the night. His name was the first word she had spoken and when he was away at the University he lived in fear that she would be snatched away from him, and only the sight of her blond curls under his hand and her blinding, light filled smiles could chase away the demons that plagued him. "I loved you too much, always too much," he croaked.
Cesare's voice was nothing but a rasp as he continued to speak, but he pushed away the wine Betta pressed into his hand. He kept whispering to her as though he could chain her to life with his words and that stopping even for a second risked losing her in the battle with death. "I hated it when you became a woman, and I hated myself even more for noticing that you outshone every woman that I took, for seeing myself in you, but lovely and delicate and beautiful. I loved you always, but then I wanted you even as I loved you and I have always known I was damned for it.
"I will give you back to God now. There can be no greater punishment for me than knowing I could have killed you with love."
He brought her still closer to his chest but his eyes no longer looked upon Lucrezia's face. He gazed at a small niche across the room where a statue of the Blessed Virgin smiled beatifically down upon the infant Jesus. When he began to speak again Betta realized that he was praying. His words were very rapid and quiet and Betta could only hear snatches of what was said.
"...Never touch her again, I swear it...find her a husband, let her live as an example to others...take my life, take my life for her...anything..I will give you anything for her life." And then he cried, great gulping sobs that shook his body and that of the woman he held in arms and Betta knew that he had given up hope that she would live.
Betta gasped when she saw the white arm that had been hanging limply begin to slowly move, rising until Lucrezia could touch her hand to the tears that coursed down his cheeks. She opened her eyes for a second and smiled into Cesare's face before she drifted back into sleep, a peaceful slumber that seemed to bring some color back into the wan cheeks and make her chest rise and fall more regularly. The next time she opened her eyes Betta was waiting with a bowl of beef broth, and she would not let her lady speak until she had swallowed down some of the rich soup. Lucrezia drifted in and out of sleep for a day and a night and every waking filled Betta with joy for she now knew that her lady would live.
As soon as she was able Lucrezia demanded that the two babes be brought to her. A wet nurse had been found in the village and despite their size the two infants seemed to be thriving. Lucrezia motioned for Betta to take her daughter after she had gazed into the sleeping face with love and sadness, tracing the lines of her round cheeks and the eyelashes that were like tiny fans. Micheletto watched from the door and when Betta brought the child to show him he looked upon the baby with so much delighted tenderness that Betta felt her heart break. Through eyes swimming with tears Betta saw Lucrezia and Cesare Borgia watching Micheletto holding their daughter in his capable hands.
"You must bring our Holy Father here at once, Cesare." Lucrezia said