Chapter 41
I know I'm supposed to be on bedrest but I had to go out to apologize to Mr. Howard. I took the bus later on the day to go see then I walked into the school. I walk past the Nurse's station to hear Nurse Miller talking someone but I kept trekking to the classroom. She better not come to me with no crap. I make it up to Mr. Howard's classroom.
I see him cleaning the chalkboard in the reflection in the fire extinguisher. "You coming in, Ms. Thorne?" He asks me. I breathes out before walking and closing the door behind me. "I would like to talk to you in private, Mr. Howard." I say looking around the empty classroom. "About what?" He asks not looking at me. "About how I came at you at Dr. Roberts house." I say walking towards his desk.
Do I want to sit in his chair or not? "You don't sit at my desk." "Right." I say sitting at a desk in the front of his desk. It's quiet for a couple of minutes. I glances at his butt. Oh, these hormones are killing me. He stop cleaning then go back to it. "I don't know how to start but Dr. Roberts was right on the nose and it was inappropriate to say that you was jealous of me when you have no reason to me." I say. He doesn't say anything.
"I never should've threatened to back my fist into your face when you do so much to make it so that I don't spend my life behind bars. I regret every saying that and I feel so guilty that it kept me from going to sleep last night. I had no business saying those words and I am really sorry." "Are you?" He asks me. "Yes, I am. It's just when you used that tone with me and threw that you had a wife in my face."
"So, who you are jealous of my wife?" "No, I am not because no woman shall be jealous of another's woman's companion. It was the fact that you used that tone with me. I have never heard that and from how you was acting towards me that night than to change it up quick. It caught me off guard because from your actions said different." I say and breathe out trying to calm my heart down.
He turns around finally and throw a gray rag into his desk drawer. "I have to be jealous of you, Ms. Thorne." "Right, and I never should've said that out of my mouth for no reason and to be honest I feel you broke up my relationship with Jacob. I cheated on him." I admit. He sits down in his desk. "You cheated on him?" He asks me. "Yes, I did. I emotionally cheated on him with you and I had no business going to you when it should've been him the whole time." I say voice breaking.
"You did not cheat on him." "Yes, I did. He told me that my relationship with you would ruin our relationship and I kept it. He threw in my face that you was using me." "I was not using you for no reason." "Yes, you was." I say voice sounding like I got a cold. "You knew that I attacked you and you just played on my feelings. He basically told me in my face and in so many words that what I am experiencing now is all my fault." I say choking up.
"Did he tell you that?" "What you think? He made it so many times that this relationship that I have with you would break us apart and we worked so hard to be together against everybody who didn't want us together." "Because of your age." He say. "You're not listening." "I am listening, Ms. Thorne. It was because of your age." "It was because of so many things and we kept at it. I am not a liar, Mr. Howard."
"You lied about attacking me and so many other things." "I have so many good reasons for that." "And, what are they?" "I'm not telling you because who wants their teacher to be in their personal lives and you helped me out." "And, you turned around threatening to beat me up." "Because I was mad and emotional." I breathe out trying my calm.
"I care so much for Sarah and I want what's best for her on so many levels." "I care for her too." "So, you'll be her god father?" I ask him. He chuckle crossing his arms. "Maybe, I'll have to think about it." "It's just that Jacob has two god fathers for her. Two aunts and a grandfather. Sarah is named after her grandmother who passed." "I'm sorry to hear that." "And, I am too. Why I am wishing that this baby is a girl and not a boy because it will hurt him so much and I know he will love a daughter." I say nodding my head. He would so much.
"You came to my classroom for a reason, Ms. Thorne." He say using a tone. I bite my tongue. "Right, sorry. I'm getting off subject. I am really sorry for saying that and stepping out of my boundaries as a child because you're an adult and I shall show respect for you because you are one and I am the child. I really thank you for not deciding to press charges on me. What can do to repay?" I ask him. "Don't step out of line and know your place as the child." He say.
I nod playing with my fingers. "Right, I'm really sorry and I will learn my place." I say getting up and walking to him. He looks at me. "Do I give you a hug or a fist bump?" I ask him. "I'll take a hug, Ms, Thorne." He say uncrossing his arms. "Don't disrespect me again." "And, I won't." I say hugging him. He hugs me back. "How you feeling?" He asks me. "I am feeling alright but did wake up a little bit woozy and faint. I threw up a couple of times today before coming to school. I barely slept. I can't eat anything." I say looking up at him.
"You have to force yourself to eat. You're not hungry but Sarah is hungry. You have to eat for her." "Right, I am really sorry and Dr. Roberts was right. I don't need to disrespect the man who can throw me in jail at any time." I say nodding my head. "Don't let it happen again." "And, I will not. You have no reason to be jealous of me and I'm glad you're happily married and the woman is a lucky lady." "She really is." He say.
"Yeah, which is why I can't allow you to keep coming in my relationship with Jacob and I miss him so much. Those nights without him. It hurts to be away from him and not him laying next to me. It makes me wanna cry especially now that it's around Christmas and I want to be with him. It'll be our baby's first Christmas inside of me. Next year, I'll be meeting my little Sarah or Little-"
I look at his sadly face. "I am so sorry. I did not mean to bring up the holidays because of your wife. Don't cry, Mr. Howard." I say rubbing my thumb under his eyes. "I'm okay, Ms. Thorne." He say. It get silent between us as he looks down. "Is it hard not having your parents around?" He asks me. "It's real hard but I'm use to it. Long as I have Jacob and my friends. Anybody can be your family. Can you give me ride a home?" I ask him.
"I'll give you a ride, Ms. Thorne." "Thanks, Mr. Howard." I say rubbing on his cheeks and tracing his small mustache. "You should shave that. It makes you look old and ugly." I seriously say. "You think so?" "Yeah, it's mostly definitely make you look terrible. You don't look the same as you would without it before you had it. It's not you, Mr. Howard." I say noticing that he still has his arms wrapped around me.
He nods his head. I nod mind and wait for him to let me go. It get silent in the classroom. He finally let me go. "I waiting to see if the baby would kick." He say and I sit down resting my back. My back pains has been the worst lately. "She has not kicked yet unless she pulled a sneak move while I was sleeping. I'll have to ask Jacob about it but I'm a heavy sleeper." I say rubbing on my back.
He closes the drawer to his desk. I nod my head looking around the classroom. "You don't have decorations or any of that." "It's high school not elementary." He say and I sneeze in my hand. "Bless you." "Thank you. I think I'm coming down with a cold again. It's terrible." I say resting my head on the desk. He nods going back to do what he was doing. I bend my back to try to ease my back pain but it doesn't do any better.
I stand up back up and walk around the classroom. "What's wrong?" He asks me. "My back is hurting me. It's not contractions is it?" I ask walking to the back and leaning up against the wall. "Is coming and going?" He asks walking towards me. "I mean it's just simple back pain in the lower back. You think I'm going into labor?" I ask massing my lower back. "I don't think you are. Did you pee on yourself?" He asks looking at my back.
"No, I used the bathroom before I can but it just started to hurt when I sat in that desk. You think I'm going into labor?" I nervously asks him. "I think you are. It might've been the desk." He say massaging my back. "It's a knot and it's tight." I rest my head on the wall. "I need to pee." "You need to pee. I don't think you're going into labor. You're only five months." "And, it's way to early. I shouldn't have came. Jacob is going to kill me." I say.
"I'm sure it's just back pain from you sitting in the desk." He say still massaging the same spot. "Do I cross my legs?" I ask him. "It's just back pains, Mia." "Are you sure? I need her to be six or seven months. You won't tell Jacob, will you? I have no business being out of the house when I'm on bedrest." He doesn't say anything. I blink my tears away. JACOB.
I'm laying in the hospital bed with Mr. Howard by my side and hearing a commotion outside in the hallway. All I hear is screaming and commotions. "Something funny?" Mr. Howard asks me. It suddenly get quiet outside. "No, it's not. It's just weird that I was just talking to you yesterday then you end up in the hospital." I mumble. "What are you talking about?" Dr. Roberts asks me.
He sit on the stool near my bed. "Nothing. I thought I was going into early labor." "You're at twenty weeks, Lacie. Sarah can't survive out of your stomach." "And, I know that but I needed to apologize to Mr. Howard for my behavior. I'm going into early labor. She needs to be six or seven months." I say and notice Sam standing in the corner.
"You put Sarah at risk to apology to a teacher." He say. I nod my head. "It's not his fault." "I didn't blame him. He's not carrying Sarah, Lacie. You're the one pregnant." "And, I didn't think it was nothing more nor less because I was not getting stressed out or anything. It was just back pains. You always get back pain when you're pregnant. I been having them lately." I say.
Dr. Roberts looks in my face. "Lacie, what's wrong?" He asks. "Jacob is not there for me and I know that Nurse Miller is crazy. She's going to kill me." "She's not going to kill you." "He's not there for me like he should've been as my boyfriend. I blame you, Mr. Howard." "And, I accept it because you've become attached to me." "Because Jacob is not around when I need him to be. The pregnancy is supposed to be smooth and loving but so much has happened. You think it's God telling me that I'm not supposed to have Sarah?" I ask them.
"It's not, Lacie." "Maybe my body can't carrying children. I was fine then I woke up feeling sick and I still wanted to leave out of the house. He's crying." I say hearing Jacob crying outside in the hallway. "He's not crying, Lacie." Sam say. "You turned him against me, Sam." "I did not." "Yes, you did." I spit out. "Lacie." Dr. Roberts say stopping me from getting out of my hospital bed.
"That lady is everywhere that I go and I know she's stalking me." "Nurse Miller." Sam say. "Yeah, she's going around killing those girls. I'm sure she's after my baby. My daughter is gifted and she's an angel." I say smiling hard. Mr. Howard nods his head. "I'm supposed to be protected by Jacob is nowhere around. He supposed to be in my corner for this emotional ride but he has not been in months. He left me for Bella." I say shaking my head.
It get silent in the room. "I'm just sick and tired of everything. I just want to go home and rest for a little while." "You'll stay in the hospital for a couple of days. I want you to be evaluated." Dr. Roberts say. "You think I'm going crazy?" I ask him. "You're a teenage mother with so much on her hands and her parents are not here for you." "I am not going crazy. I would not be in this situation if Jacob was not here. What am I having?" I ask him. They look at Dr. Roberts.
"It's a boy, Lacie." He say. "I knew it was a boy or are you lying?" "I'm going to have you evaluated." "And, locked up like a crazy person." "He didn't say you was crazy, Lacie." Sam say. "This pregnancy is too much. I didn't ask to be pregnant nor to having to slow down when I had the world. My friends turned their backs on me." I say to Sam. They look at him. "You don't need friends like them." "And, everything was fine. I should've stayed home and rested. That Nurse Miller is crazy." I say.
"You don't worry about her, Lacie." "I don't need too. Who's going to protect me, Dr. Roberts?" I ask him. "I'll protect you, Lacie." "You did not kick me because I threatened to beat up your best friend knowing what type of medical situation that I was in?" I ask him. "I did." "Okay, I blame you too." "And, I take the blame." "Whatever, all of you are stressing me out. I want my Jacob before everything and everybody came to tear us apart. Sam, you get out my hospital room. Jacob should've been in here or one of his friends. You had no business coming to see me. You seen and now you can leave." I say to him.
He walks to the door. "Ethan, wait." I call at him. He turns around facing me. "Yes, Lacie." I put my head in my hands. "I know she wants to cut my baby out of my stomach." I say in my hands. "No is one going to hurt you." Sam say. "I know in my heart that everybody wants my Sarah. I'm okay. It's because I didn't get no sleep last night. I never should've been away from Jacob and now I'm paying for it. I just need some sleep." I say laying down and pulling the blanket over me. I hear the door opening up and closing. "Dr. Roberts, am I miscarrying?" I ask him. "You're not miscarrying, Lacie." I just nod my head looking out of the window. I fall asleep.
I look out of the window. My world is coming apart and I almost miscarried Sarah again. Jacob been visiting me left and right. I apologized to Mr. Howard. He should've been when he didn't know what he was talking about in someone else's relationship. That's what I should've got him on. He don't know a damn thing that goes on between me and Jacob yet you wanna talk and try to blame me on my situation of being pregnant.
Don't know a damn thing. I would bring it up but I'm not going there with him. I risked my pregnancy just to go apologize to him. Now, I have to face Jacob and hear his words on why I put our daughter in danger over a teacher who ain't nothing. It was my own stupidity but being the nice person that I was and knowing he was not going to take my calls or come to my house. I had to go see him.
I breathe out trying not to cry. My world has come apart. I am sick of everybody attacking me and wanna hold me for mental evaluation. I'll take it. I can use someone to talk to and not be judge. I'm still mad at Mr. Howard. He made it seem like I trapped Jacob because of my age. "It was more of you was the mature one in the relationship, Ms. Thorne." Mr. Howard say walking out of the bathroom. I know he's reading my mind.
"I hope you flushed." I say not paying him no mine. "I always flush." "And, washed your hands." "Always." He say sitting back in his chair. I breathes out. "I can't get my emotions in check." "You'll have too if you want Sarah to come out healthy." "And, I do. It's just too much going on and I'm missing Jacob so much. As much as I hate him, I miss him and wish he was with me now." I say seeing Jacob's smiling face on the window.
It get silent as Mr. Howard looks at the window too then back at the TV. "I'm sorry, Mr. Howard. I am so tired." I say resting back in the bed and rubbing on my stomach. It grew a little bit big. He doesn't say anything. "I'm sorry that I denied that I attacked you. It was the way that you came at me, Mr. Howard." I say but he just keep watching TV.
I shake my head. "I went out of my way but not having you thrown in jail and ruining your life." He say turning to me. "I know you did. You could've threw me in jail and I would've had Sarah behind bars." "And, you still can." He warns me. "Would you really do that to me and my daughter? Separate us?" "I'm thinking about it. Depends how you feel when you come out of hospital."
I just nods feeling my stomach tightening up again and let out a groan. "Are you okay?" He asks getting up and walking towards me. "Yeah, I think it's gas. Just give me a minute." I say moving my butt around and rubbing on my stomach to get the gas bubble out. "Are you sure? Do you want me to call a nurse?" He asks ready to press the button.
"No, it's just gas." I say turning on my side with my butt facing the window. "It might come later. Give it some time." He say. I nod my head and grab his arm when he walks away from me. He gives me that snarkly look and I pull him to me. "You'll really separate me from my daughter, Mr. Howard." "If I have too, Ms. Thorne." He say. I nod my head grabbing his shirt with the other hand leaning him towards my arm.
"I'm real sorry but I wanna seriously thank you, Mr. Howard." I say voice cracking. "Without you always having my back, it would've been so many times were I would've lost Sarah and I wanna thank you." I say getting emotional. "It wouldn't been situations for me having to save Sarah if you didn't always put yourself in such situations, Ms. Thorne." He say back.
I nod my head and put his face in front of mine. He looks me straight in the eyes. "I do admit that I am really sorry for doing what I did to you and I really mean it when I asked if you can be the godfather of baby Sarah or Little Jacob." I swallow down my spit while looking at his very pink lips. "Mr. Howard, would you do me the honor of being Sarah's godfather?" I ask him. He breathes out making me grin hard.
"I would love too, Ms. Thorne." He say making me want me to cry. "Thank you." I say pulling him closer and kissing his lips. He kisses back. I let go of his arm and grip his face. We kiss for a couple of minutes before I let him go. He looks in my eyes with his signature stone face. "Wow." I say out of breath. He stands up straight not saying anything. "You happy?" He asks me. "I am very happy." I say gripping my stomach again when the pain strikes me again.
"Still having pains?" He asks not believing me. "It's just gas, Mr. Howard. I hope it's nothing but I'll mention it to Dr. Roberts." I say looking at him sitting back down. "Would it be her kicking?" I ask him. "I wouldn't know but I haven't heard nobody having pains while the baby is kicking." "Unless she's kicking on an organ or something. Could it be the placenta?" I ask him.
"You'll have to mention it to Dr. Roberts." "It could be guess but I want to make sure because I never felt this type of pain in my stomach before." "It's the first time?" "It's the first time ever. Is it a sign of miscarriage?" "I'm sure it's not. Call the nurse." He say not caring. I press the button and hope Orlando is working today. "Yes, Mia." The nurse say. "I'm having pains in my stomach. I'm think I'm miscarrying."
"I'm on my way." I hear Orlando say. "Okay." I say and turn on my back staring at the ceiling. "How bad is the pain?" Mr. Howard asks me. "Probably like a four out of ten. Dr. Roberts said I wasn't having contractions or anything." I say and Orlando walks into the room wearing his stethoscope around his neck. "How you feeling, Mia?" He asks walking towards me and moving the bed to sit me up.
"That means something." I say getting scared now. "It's better to sit up and not be laying down. How you feeling?" "I'm having a pain right here in my side." I say taking his hand and pressing down on the spot on my stomach. "I'm sure it's probably gas. You did eat two trays today. Did you go to the bathroom?" He asks me. "No, I did not." I say. He put up two fingers. "No, I don't do that." I say shaking my head grinning hard.
"You don't do that. When was the last time you did that?" "Two months ago." "Seriously, Lacie." He say pulling the blanket off me. I bend my legs wide open so he can look at me. Mr. Howard stares me right in the face. "You going to look in my vagina?" I ask Orlando. "To see if you're showing signs of spotting." He say grabbing some gloves out of the glove box that's hanging on the wall.
He looks at Mr. Howard. "I can leave out." He say. "Or you can just turn around." He turns his chair around. He lifts the blanket up putting it under his head. "I'm sure it's just gas." "Or lies." Mr. Howard say. "Well, we'll just check any way." He say putting his finger up in me deep in me causing me to gasp. He feels around. "Okay, Orlando." I yell at him. Mr. Howard turns to him quick. He take his finger out of me and from under the blanket.
"Sorry, Lacie. I had to check." He say showing me his finger that has my mucus on it. "Not like that. You didn't need to feel around." I say shaking my head. Mr. Howard gets up and walks over towards me. "Are you okay?" He asks me. "Sorry, Lacie. Just wanna make sure your water didn't break." Orlando say taking off his gloves and tossing them in the trashcan. "Did it?" Mr. Howard asks him.
"No, it still intact. I should've warned you. Did it hurt?" "You was feeling around." I say as Mr. Howard rubs on my back. "Sorry, I should've warned you. You're probably have gas. When was the last time you went to the bathroom?" He asks looking at my medical chart. Mr. Howard looks at me. "A couple of weeks ago. I'm not a regulating person." I say looking at him. "Well, that's probably the reason you're having stomach pains but we'll run other tests."
"Okay, I can do. Thanks again, Orlando." "No problem, Lacie." He say reading my chart one last time before leaving out of the room. "What you think?" I ask grabbing Mr. Howard's arm. "Laxative." Is he all he say. I hold onto him real tight when he tries to walk away and pull him to me. "I really did miss, Mr. Howard. You and Dr. Roberts. You think he'll let me stay at his house again?" "No." "I can handle that because I missed Jacob and he missed his daughter too." I let him go. He walks back and sit back down. I sigh feeling the pain again in my stomach. Laxative or something else?