A/N This is still a continuation of the flashback from the previous chapter. There is one more after this and then business as usual, somewhat.

Disclaimer: No matter what BBC, Steven Moffat, or anyone else for that matter says-I do not own Doctor Who. I wouldn't be writing this online and I would have much more decent college housing than what I have now.

I really should say something instead of gaping at her like a fish.

I cleared my throat. "Dr. River Song, I presume."

River quirked her left eyebrow. "Is there something wrong, Sweetie?"

I scratched the back of my neck, coughed, and averted my eyes.

"No, nothing at all," I squeaked. Yeah, failed that one.

"Kai, I know you're not telling me the truth. Now tell me what is it?" concern laden in her voice.

Wha—? I've never told anyone my Academy name, and even the Doctor only uses it when we're alone. How did she know it was me in the first place? I wonder if knows my actual name… Oh God, what if she's my wife!? Breathe! In and out, in and out. Don't pass out!

"Sweetie, you still haven't answered me," River pulling me out of my thoughts.

I looked back into her eyes, even when showing concern she still has that mischievous glint in them.

I blew out a slow exhale and rubbed my face.

"Let me get you out there first and into the TARDIS, then we can talk. Pack everything you need. Okay?" I said softly.

She nodded and was done in a few minutes. I used the sonic screwdriver to open the cell, which I forgot to give it back to the Doctor… I hope he doesn't get mad. Yeah, helping a convict escape is really getting on his good side, right?

As soon as it swung open, the alarms began to blare throughout Stormcage.

I grinned at her and she grinned back. I held out my hand. "Well, basically…" I trailed hoping she'd get the joke.

"Run," she finished and we ran hand in hand back to the TARDIS.

As soon as we reached the door, I pulled it open taking River through the threshold and closing the doors behind me.

"River, can you start the dematerialization sequence and get us to the Vortex?" I asked still standing at the door while she was already standing at the console.

She raised her eyebrows. "You never ask me to do that by myself, unless you have something very serious to talk about," she responded. But did so anyway.

I sat at the jump seat wondering how to tell this woman, that this is the first time I'm meeting her and yet I already know large aspects of her life. A big ball wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey, stuff. Rassilon.

I was so deep into thought that I didn't notice her sit across my lap and began playing with my hair, not until she laid her head on my shoulder and began humming an old Gallifreyan lullaby. I jumped a little because of her display of familiarity and affection.

She smirked at me. "It's not like we haven't done that before. I believe we've done worse."

I choked on the air I was breathing while she just laughed in that deep sultry sound. "Not like that, you perv. That would be a bit weird considering I think of you as my big brother and honorary uncle."

I let out a relieved breath at that and cleared my throat. "Well… it-it's because we haven't," I stuttered out finally.

She immediately stood up, eyes swimming with alarm. "To which one?" she asked hesitantly.

I pulled her back down to my lap, for some reason, I kinda liked her being there, it's as if she's meant to be there. That's weird…but in a good way. I felt immediately protective of her, not even questioning my instincts at this point and let it guide my way.

I sighed and put my arms around her waist loosely.

"Both of them," I said in a resigned voice.

She tried to squirm away, but I held even tighter. "Let go! I—I ha—"

"River, it's okay. Seriously, it's fine," I tried to reassure her. "Look at me, am I fussing?"

River finally stopped to looked at me and sighed. "How early is this for you?"

Crap. I was hoping she wasn't going to ask.

"Very, very early… So early…that this is the first time I'm meeting you," I answered quietly and by the end my voice squeaked.

She had her face cast down at the time, but as soon as I finished that sentence her head snapped to mine.

"What?" she said so quietly that I might of not heard her.

I took a breath and blew it out sharply. "This is my first time meeting you, River Song."

Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "But how? How can you know me without meeting you first?"

"It's complicated… More complicated than the whole we're meeting each other in the wrong order. Which is pretty damn annoying. I know the large spoilers in your life, well, most of it. Since I dropped back into this universe, I probably changed a few by a little. Nothing major, I hope…" I spoke quickly.

"Sweetie," I looked into her eyes. "You're rambling."

"Oh, right," I paused. "We really should get this show on the road. Don't want the Doctor to see you. You two haven't met in his timeline yet."

We both got up and I started setting the coordinates to a planet I haven't been in a while since my fourth regeneration.

It was odd that even though we both didn't plan it, it was almost a rhythmic dance we did while flying the TARDIS and laughing in euphoric glee.

The TARDIS landed in a gentle thud. And we started walking towards the door when she stopped in front of me.

"Where is that insufferable man?" she asked with mischief in her eyes.

I raised my eyebrow. "River, I think you have to be more specific. I know a lot of insufferable men," I laughed lightly.

"You know which one I'm talking about. He's THE Insufferable Man," she mocked.

I pushed her out gently into the nice warm sunny air. And walked around the beautiful landscape.

She beamed at me. "We're in Felspoon," she breathed.

"Yup, I thought we should get to know each other before we try to save millions of lives. Anyway back to your original question—" I had a mischievous glint in my eyes. "Do you know Donna?"

"Yes, of course I know her. She's the most important woman in the whole of creation and what does that have to do with anything?" she smiled like there was a secret and isn't allowed to tell anyone.

"It has everything to do with it and you're no fun. Care to share with the class you're hiding?" I smirked.

"No!" she laughed. "Sweetie, sweetie. I can be a lot of fun. Especially if you're around," hugging me and hiding her face into my chest and I respond in kind.

"River, you're the only woman who hasn't been attracted to me other than as siblings," I said smiling. "I feel content and happy around you. How do you do that?"

"Oh, just a little talent I picked up," she said smiling back.

I just smirked and shook my head. "Well, anyway, have I told you how I got the Doctor and Donna together?"

"No," she breathed. "How?"

Wait, what? So it did work! "You just gave me spoilers by the way," I teased.

She just stuck her tongue out and then mock pouted. But I could see the gleam in her eyes, urging me to go on with the story.

"Well, anyway, there's this tablet derived from a plant on this planet that makes the victims' sexual inhibitions greatly reduced and right now—" she cut me off with a bark of laughter.

"No!" she squealed in delight and swatted my chest lightly. "So they're—?"

"Oh, yes," I laughed. "And I laced their tea with the tablet."

"Isn't the Doctor going to know you're using his TARDIS for a joy ride?" she asked with incredulity.

"I asked the TARDIS to put a mini-Time Lock on their room until I'm done with whatever we're going to do."

She grinned. "Oh, you are positively evil!" she laughed.

I smirked. "I only learn from the best."

She just shook her head, still smiling. "But how did the Doctor not notice? He keeps nattering on about 'Superior Time Lord biology.'"

"Do I say that?" I asked with genuine curiosity.

"No, sweetie," she reassured. "So how?"

"The compound itself is untraceable to a Time Lord let alone human taste buds."

She quirked her eyebrows at me. "Wouldn't they be suspicious of you not drinking the tea with them?"

"Well, I made own separate batch before they walked in to talk to me."

Her face scrunched up and had curiosity etched all over it.

"What did they want?" she asked softly. Almost hesitant in asking, she probably thought I wouldn't answer.

I stopped and turned to her.

"I'm guessing that you've seen my eyes glow before?" I asked for confirmation.

She nodded.

"Well, there was a incident where I didn't even give the person a chance to redeem themselves because I already knew they weren't worthy of such a thing. And well, that came out during the time."

She blinked. "Oh."

"Elegant word choice there Doctor Song," I teased and we began walking again.

"It's just you're not very open when I asked about it before," she reasoned.

I nodded. "Well, there's a reason I try not to use that very often," I paused. "If it starts to happen, it's a good indication on how dire the situation is. Like a mood ring."

"Yeah… A scary mood ring," she laughed.

Then I had a sudden brainwave about Donna and her future reaction for my meddling. I subconsciously rubbed my cheek tenderly and River caught my action. To which she promptly began laughing quite animatedly whilst still mocking me because she knew where my line of think was at the moment.

Unfortunately, we were on a very steep slope and she fell 'Princess Bride' style down the slope when she slipped on the wet grass. And of course I had to follow the same way. Damn it, I really liked this suit. Ah, level 11 planet problems…

"Geronimo!" I shouted as I rolled down the steep decline.

Rolling the hill wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, although River was shouting curses and a few 'I hate you's' to which I responded with 'No, you don't' and just laughing the whole way down.

I face landed on something firm, yet soft at the same time. This is nice, maybe I'll stay like this until the world stops spinning.

"Sweetie?" River's voice invaded my light doze on a fluffy cloud.

"Mmhm?" I responded, my mind not functioning as fast as it should be.

"As much as I like this position, don't you think this is a bit compromising and strange, even for you?" amusement laced in her voice.

I moved to look into her eyes. "What are you—? Oh…" I paused and smiled coyly. "Did you really mind?"

She just laughed. "Oh, even now you're still more comfortable than the Doctor would ever be. But still, brother from another mother and all that rot."

I stood up and pulled her along with me.

"Well, it probably helps that I was a girl a few times," I shrugged.

"You what?" she exclaimed.

I face palmed. Hard. I sighed. I seemed to be doing that a lot. I hate me in the future, but I guess it makes sense since he's already said this to River in his timeline already. Right, I should probably be paying attention to her.

"You know Time Lord biology, right?" I asked.

She nodded her head. "Yes. But I've never heard about this!"

"Really? Sorry," I smiled sheepishly. "Well, anyway. There are some genetic quirks in a Time Lord's DNA. Most Time Lords stay one gender throughout their entire lives, like the Doctor and I doubt that'll change anytime soon. Sometimes, though not all the time, regenerations can change genders," I paused waiting for any questions. Seeing none, I continued. "I've been a woman about three times. The only thing weird thing about it was that the Doctor actually flirted with me incidentally."

"What? Seriously?" she teased.

"Yeah, I know," I shook my head. "I think it was because my second time being a woman was ginger and he had a thing for them. It was sort of weird trying to make him realize that he was flirting with his then male turned female best friend."

"I don't suppose he had the shock of his life," she laughed.

"Yeah, it was weird trying to stop his advances on me. Although he had his own regeneration's mental break to deal with, so I cut him so slack," I looked at her as we stepped over a log. "It was his sixth one after all."

"Oh, I've heard of that one. Isn't he the one with the very mismatched and colorful costume?"

I laughed. "That's a mild way of putting it, but yes. He was kind of a pretentious ass during that time. I'm glad Mel and Peri made him mellow a bit, or else I might have cause him to regenerate again. "

We continued to talk about everything and nothing as we walked. I was starting to hear a few pairs of footsteps behind us. I need to warn River, if she doesn't already know, which is bloody unlikely.

'River? You there?' I mentally asked.

'Yes, Sweetie? Something wrong?' she replied.

'Okay, good. You can hear me… I was just wondering if you've noticed the extra feet that have been following us for a good hour?'

'Yes, of course. Do you think we should tell them we know they're there?'

'Eh. I'd like to know where this leads. What do you think?'

'Sure, why not.'

I paused at a large tree. 'Just have your sonic blaster ready if this gets ugly.'

She looked at me in shock. 'How did you—?'

I smirked. 'I can see the perception filter.'

She raised her eyebrows. 'I thought you didn't like guns.'

I motioned for us to keep walking. "I don't. I totally support the Doctor's policy on guns. I just don't have as much a problem as he does."

"But you don't say that when the Doctor's around," she said as we were nearing a large clearing.

"Is the Doctor around?" I asked. "I don't exactly like the long-winded lectures about them."

"Okay, whatever then."

After twenty more minutes of nothing happening, I got really bored.

'This is getting tiresome. Want to just get it over with?' I asked exasperatedly.

'I thought you'd never ask. You want to do it or shall I?' she responded tiredly as well.

'You do it. I just wanted some peace and quiet before we went on our real adventure.'

We both stopped and turned around expecting for no one to be visible. But apparently they were both noisy and stupid. The group consisted of large men in what I thought of as the henchmen uniform in Bond films. I wonder if we're going to actually meet a Bond villain: Nehru jacket, creepy scar, and white cat. And oh the whole world—well universe—domination thing…

"So what do we owe the pleasure of being stalked, noisily I might add?" she challenged.

One of the bigger men stepped forward and addressed me.

"We have orders from our master to take you into custody," he growled.

'Well, that's just rude,' I spoke to her. 'I bet you can take him down in seven moves.'

'Actually, four,' she smirked at me with a playful gleam.

"You have no idea cool that is," I said with a smirk of my own.

She shrugged nonchalantly. "I think I can," she replied with slightly feral grin..

The big guy cleared his throat. "What is your response?"

"What if we refuse?" I managed to say evenly even though my thoughts were betraying me right now. I probably shouldn't be mentally high-fiving River and a fist bump. We laughed mentally at our insanity.

"Then you die," he responded without emotion. I blinked in surprise.

Well that escalated quickly.

Thank you for those who reviewed, followed, favorited, and or just lurked. It keeps me writing. Oh, and I jump up and down like a fangirl when I see the emails from you guys... Okay, I hyperventilate, too...

Until next time.

~HuonParticlesAreHarmless