Chapter 2

I Won't Break

A SPECIAL THANK YOU: To OTB for making the wonderful banner for this story. If you click on the picture you can see it better. xoxoxo PG

The cops were taking me through the booking process after being arrested for public misconduct and assault. This was my first time for that. I've experienced a lot of first times today for many things. I was being charged with a crime. When the woman attacked me I lost it. I was having trouble with keeping that part of me in check lately. Living in violence was not how things were supposed to be.

Most people always noticed the changes made in your direction when it involved you. Their attitudes towards you. However, most of the time it was you that changed. Those were staring me in the face. It was painfully clear, it I chose to defend my actions. Then I had no intention of changing them.

It killed me, the wait to find out what they would do to me next. I thought long and hard about what I had done to her. No, she should have never put her hands on me. But, I should have not smashed her face into the door either. I might add that I smashed her face several times more than she had mine. I was out of control and it was not something I ever let happen or experienced until now.

The lost control was sometimes a sign of fear. It was also a signal of bigger things to come. I never wanted to give or give up so much of myself I lost who I truly was and wanted to become.

Chief Roosevelt came to stop them from doing anything further with me and I was relieved. "Mrs. Teller the charges are being dropped against you. I spoke with Ms. Whyler and explained to her that it would be a futile point to continue this because you would counter charge her with assault as well. If you will see the deputy in the front before you leave to finish the accident report."

"So, I'm free to go?" Which completely amazed me. I would be let off so easily after what I had done.

"Yes, you are after you complete the report. I called Jax and he should be here anytime."

Fuck, I was going to call Gemma or Margret to bail me out. I didn't plan on telling him about this right now. Not only does he have a full plate with dealing with club business, but I was ashamed of my actions.

The deputy had typed up the report and I gave him my insurance information. "Just a moment. I will take a copy of your card then you will be on your way." He was very nice to me and polite.

Not a lot of people were nice in this town because of my association with Jax. They never say anything because they fear what the repercussions would be for speaking out against the club. You could always tell though by the way they look at you with disgust on their faces. The quiet whispers when you're leaving a room. Or my favorite when they were sickening sweet to your face. They couldn't wait for you to leave so they can talk about what they thought they knew goes on in the MC.

Trust me when I say most of them had no clue about what really goes on in the club. But I did. That has been the one of the hardest problems for me, getting past it. Knowing the truth and living in it is two completely different things. The more I knew, the more I have to worry about.

When you knew for certain, your husband was a cold blooded killer and done as though it were as normal as getting up and going to work every day. You watch the same man holding his children and being a normal father at other times. Lying beside him at night letting him hold you as a lover and as a husband should. You just prayed he doesn't ever want to do to you the sick and twisted things you knew he was capable of doing to others.

I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard Jax. "I'm starting to think I can't let you go anywhere without me." He had a smile on his face and was joking. But I wasn't in the mood for it.

Nothing about today was typical in any way for me. I was finding more and more the saying you took on some of the traits of the one you loved were true. I was still waiting for Jax to pick up some of mine. The good ones anyway. Maybe was waiting for nothing and that day would never come around.

Jax was talking to the Chief and after the deputy was finished with me I went over to where they were. They immediately stopped talking. That was nothing new either. I come into many conversations I was never supposed to hear or know about.

"I'll talk to you later. I'm gonna take Tara home now."

My vehicle had already been taken back to the garage by a Prospect. Jax said there was some damage done but nothing they couldn't fix. We would ride on his bike. Not my favorite thing to do, but I still done it.

"Do you want to have lunch with me or maybe we could just go see a movie or something? We have time before we have to pick up the boys from daycare." There was no way in hell I was going to work now and I needed the connection with him. Just time to be Jax and Tara. Him my husband and me his wife.

"I can't babe. I've got club business I've gotta do this afternoon. Don't forget tonight is the grand opening of the Lodge for Nero. I've gotta be there for it. It'll be really late when I get home."

Knowing all too well exactly what went on when they have those so called grand openings and so called patch over parties. Every whore in town showed up and they all took a sample of whatever pussy they wanted. It was a pussy smorgasbord and free reign for them to fuck whatever.

I've really tried to overlook it and not even think about it when Jax goes to those things. But sometimes I wondered if he was faithful like he says he was. It wouldn't be the first time he lied to me.

"Okay. I think I'm going to go home and lay down before I pick up the boys. I'm not feeling to good anyway."

Running his fingers over the knot on my head I still had. "Is your head feeling okay? I'll see you tonight and we'll do something later. I would now if I could go."

He gave me a kiss and I know I'm just being silly and suspicious even thinking he would cheat again. He knew if I found out that he's ever with trash again, I'm gone. He would lose his family and there was no discussing it.

"Sure, I understand." But I really didn't though. Since we got married he spent more time at the clubhouse and with the guys than he does with his family. I tried to be supportive of the club and not be selfish with his time. For once it would be nice to spend time with my husband. As husbands and wives were meant to.

Most nights I have already put the kids to bed and I'm a sleep when he comes in. When we try to do anything as a family it always changed and he had to go. Or someone needs him more than we did and he left in the middle of it. I've tried to talked to him about it. He always tells me it would calm down but, it never does. Maybe it never would.

SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA

Home was so quiet without anyone else around. I took some aspirin for my headache and was going to try to get some sleep. I laid down trying to get my mind to stop racing around in circles, but I couldn't.

After I searched the frig for food, nothing appealed to me. I even threw a load of laundry in to kill time and cleaned the kitchen until it was spotless. Nothing I did stopped my mind from going places it shouldn't go to.

There really wasn't anybody I could talk to other than Gemma. She had a shit load of her own problems. Most of the time the violence was started by her or over her. Talking to her would be a lost cause I guess. So, I called the only person I knew would understand where I was coming from. Even though she and I were nothing a like we both have been old ladies in the club.

It was down to a couple of hours until I had to pick up the boys anyway. Driving out to the Lodge to meet Lyla. The inside was decorated very nice considering it was nothing but a brothel. A brothel my husband would be at soon.

She was surprised I wanted to see her. I know I should have kept in contact with her after Opie died. But honestly we really have nothing in common.

"Um...Tara don't take this the wrong way but why are you here? Not that I want to be rude or anything. I still have a lot to do to get ready for the opening."

"I just wanted to check on you and see how you were doing that's all." I didn't even know where to begin telling her why I was really here. "You're busy, I should go. We should have lunch sometimes." I even rolled my own eyes at that one. Do lunch sometime was a way of basically brushing someone off. I couldn't bring myself to open up to her. I couldn't get all the words to form to what I was really feeling. Maybe I never would. She had things to do so I left her to it.

Driving around with no particular place to go and thinking about life. What it was going to hold for my family in the long run?

When I came up no answers. I went and picked up the boys. Thomas and Abel were always happy to see me. They were what was good and pure in my life still. Sometimes I thought and felt they were the only thing left in my life that was real and true.

We stopped and ate dinner on the way home since Jax wouldn't be there anyway. We haven't ate together as a family in over a month after I stopped and thought about it.

Abel always got so excited about pressed pieces of chicken in a cardboard box. Go figure. But I love seeing my boys be happy. All of them, including my biggest baby, Jax.

Flipping through the channels and found nothing to watch. Someone knocked on the door. I never knew who might be here to hurts us and I wasn't comfortable having the gun that Jax left me. I peeked out and it was Gemma. She wanted to spend time with kids.

"The boys are already asleep."

"That's okay I will see them later. If you wanna go to the Lodge opening I will stay with them." I couldn't understand why she would even think I would want to go to it. She told me Clay always asked her if she wanted to go and most of the time she didn't. Jax never even asked me if I wanted to.

"It's really not my thing anyway. Probably nothing that goes on there would be of any interest to me."

"Really. Do you remember the Cara Cara opening? How interesting that one was?" Gemma was driving the point home to me. In her snide way, she was right.

Well of course I remembered, the problem was forgetting it. That was when the porn skank Ima was chasing after Jax. Which she eventually caught him too. I have tried so hard to never think about the morning I walked in on them after he fucked her.

But today was one of those days the old feelings and scars were coming to the surface no matter how deep I tried to keep them buried. It was hard enough trying to have a normal relationship with a man. Try having one with someone who lives a secret life and keeps you on the outside of it as much as he can. He hides so many things from me to protect me he says. But what does he hide from me that would crush me if I knew the truth?

"You know what, I think I will go."

Searching through my closet until I found something even remotely close to a fit for the occasion. After I put on the shortest black skirt I owned and a red shirt; I still looked nothing like those girls would. I curled my hair and done my makeup. When I looked down at my cast it didn't go with the outfit but there was nothing I could do about it. It's removable but, I should always have it on unless I take a shower.

SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA

As I drove there I kept thinking how ridiculous I was being about this whole thing. What would I say was the reason I came? Would Jax be mad I just showed up? But if there was nothing he had to hide from me it shouldn't be a big deal. I was his goddamn wife after all.

Once I went inside it was wall to wall whores everywhere. Seeing some of the guys from the club. Some of them had two women all ready. Even the ones who shouldn't be doing anything. While their old ladies were still at home watching their children.

I glanced around the room for Jax but, I never found him. I turned around and there was a guy in my face.

"Hi, their baby. Would you like to have a drink with me?" I wasn't sure if I should be flattered or insulted he thought I worked here.

"Um...no. I'm just looking for my husband."

He pushed his body into mine and I was up against the wall before I knew it. He whispered in my ear. "I'll be whoever you want me to be tonight."

Trying to push him away from me as hard as I could. But Jax took care of it for me. "Get the fuck away from her before I kill you." I knew Jax meant what he said too.

The guy looked at his leather and wasn't even about to challenge him. Lyla was there to stop any trouble from happening. "Come on, honey. I'll show you a really good time." I'm sure she would too.

Jax literally threw me over his shoulder and carried me out of there. I knew the fight was coming when we got outside. I was about to get the same speech I always did; it's just business Tara.

When my feet touched the down on the ground, I was going to get my say first. "Before you get mad Jax I was just..." But I didn't get a speech. His lips were on mine and he showed me more passion in this kiss than I've felt from him in so long.

He got on his bike and held out his helmet for me. The same helmet I hit the girl with. "Come on, get on."

Looking down at my skirt and giving him that look of no way.

"What you can be a bad ass during the day but afraid to show a little ass at night with me?" My husband was more like the playful boy I fell in love with. The one who could charm my panties off with a smile.

We were flying down the highway and I had no idea where we were going. He came up to this lake and parked his bike. I stood there not sure of what he had in mind.

He took his clothes off and gave me that cocky little smile of his that melts me every time. Then he jumped in. "Come on the water feels really good."

"What the hell." I undressed and followed him in. I'll have to change my hand dressing when I get home but, I didn't care right now. I was going to get some Jax and Tara time.

The moonlight shown on the water and it did feel really good. We swam and splashed around like kids. This felt like when we were teenagers again sneaking off from everyone to make love. He was holding on to me so tight in the water.

"You're the only one for me, Tara. You always have been."

I hope you enjoyed reading me!

I wrote this for you Darlin. Let me know if you think I got her right. I will be waiting to read your first chapter. xoxoxox PG

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