Chapter 4
Finding My Place
The boys were eating at the kitchen table when the knock came on the door. I thought it was Jax wanting in but, I got a surprise when I opened it.
"Hey Nero. What's going on?"
"I just wanted to check on you to see if you are better today. I brought the boys doughnuts. Do I even want to know what that's all about?"
Jax was setting out in the driveway having his first smoke of the morning. His hair was a mess and he had one of Thomas' baby blankets wrapped around his shoulders.
"Probably not. You can come in if you want to."
The boys were excited to see him. Nero spent a lot of time with Gemma so in return he seen my boys a lot too. Out of all of them I really didn't have a problem with it. I knew I should because of the whore house and him being an ex-junkie and all. But for some reason, I trusted him. More than even Jax sometimes these days. I mentally scolded myself for thinking that way about my husband. It was still a reality in my mind I just couldn't let go of.
"Look what Nero brought for you guys. What do you say?"
"Thank you."
Abel was so loving, sweet and kind. I have seen changes in him lately that forced me to take a stand with Jax. Thomas was kicking his legs and holding out his arms until Nero took him.
"I'll watch the boys if you need to get ready or anything Tara."
"I don't want them to be a burden on..."
"I like spending time with them. It makes me feel young again. Besides you know Grandma Gemma will kill me if anything happens to them on my watch."
If I could only get my husband to be around the boys as much as Nero was. It wasn't as though I didn't know in my heart Jax loved them. It was his commitment to his family that worried me. We always took the back seat to whatever was going on in the club. Maybe it was never intentional on his part. But, at this point it didn't matter if it was intentional or not, it would somehow stop today.
There was another knock and I was sure it was him this time. "Am I allowed to come in my own house? I need to shower and change before I go to the clubhouse."
"Sure, it's your house Jax."
"It wasn't how I meant it, it's our house. I really am sorry about not being here last night when you needed me. I'll have a Prospect stay..."
"You still don't get it, do you? I don't need a Prospect posted at my house on Tara babysitting duty. The boys need a father to be there for them while they are growing up. I need a husband who loves us enough to come home at night where he belongs to make sure his family is alright. Not one when every whore, crow eater and sweet ass flashes a little smile you forget about what your family needs."
"That's not fair Tara."
"Do you really want to talk about what is fair with me? Because I don't think you do. None of this is fair to your family." If Jax hadn't figured that part out on his own. This was going to be a hell of a lot harder on him than I orginally thought.
"What is this really about? I love you. You know that."
"Sometimes, love just isn't enough Jax. A little respect and everything else needs to go along with it."
"What do you want from me Tara? I got all this shit coming down on me every fucking day. I do the best I can."
"I want you, Jax and everything you promised me. What is coming down on you, is your own damn fault. Including why you are losing your family a little more every day."
"What the hell does that even mean?"
"Figure it out, Jax. If it is a problem with the club you would search until you find the answer of what to do. All of your time, energy and heart goes into it. I suggest you do the same on our relationship. I also meant what I said last night; you better be home for dinner at six tonight."
He acted as though I was speaking a different language to him or something. This was where I needed to stop the conversation before it became a heated argument between us. If I let him argue with me, it gave the opening that somehow he was still right. I was not going to allow it to happen this time.
After I got dressed Nero helped me get the boys loaded up. Jax was still in the shower when I left. I figured the worst case scenario was he would get mad and change the locks so I couldn't get back in. But I had a plan of action for it if he did. I would move in my dad's old house with the boys. It set empty and I never got around to selling it yet.
"Tara it's none of my business. But is everything okay with you and Jax?"
"I don't know anymore Nero."
"If you need someone to talk to, I'm here."
"Thanks for the offer. But I have learned over time anything I say gets repeated to Jax." My bitterness came to the surface this morning. All though, every single time I let my guard down or confided in one of them, they ran straight to Jax.
"That's kinda harsh, mama."
"I'm sorry, you don't deserve that. You are always nice to me and my boys. I'm just a little lost lately." In fact I lashed out out at the wrong one. Nero had done nothing to me. I need to take a step back and tone it down with him.
"I can see that. My offer stands if you want to take me up on it. I'll catch you later. Right now I'm going to see my boy, Lucius."
"Do you want some company, maybe? I really don't feel like going to work today anyway. My head is just not in it." Perhaps it was wrong of me to play hooky from work. It wasn't like I done it before. After seeing Jax this morning my head was going in about twenty different directions and I had such an uneasy feeling.
"Sure, I'd like that."
We dropped Nero's car off at the clubhouse. I kept Abel and Thomas in the car for obvious reasons when he went inside. I called Margret and took a vacation day from work. It wasn't long until he came back out and we were ready to go.
The conversation was casual between us on the way to see his son. I guess I didn't realize how much I missed having people around me. For the most part, I shut out the world. When I was with Jax or the club, nothing was a normal conversation. At work, it was at about the patient or my profession. With Nero, it was absolutely about nothing pressing or bad.
"This is it."
It wasn't a bad place from what I heard about it. They took good care of their patients. The boys and I took a seat at the picnic table while we waited for Nero to come back out.
Thomas was napping and Abel went to play on the swing set. While I was waiting I took out my laptop.
The worst part of being the wife and old lady of Jackson Teller is not knowing. I never know where my true place is in all the chaos. Just when I think I have found it, it is lost once again. I'm always wondering what horrible things will come my way or what will happen to my family. My mind never gets a rest from it.
Then there is the fact of how many criminal acts did my husband committed today? How will it come back to bring us harm? The list of his new enemies seems to only grow longer. With a stronger meaning of what is in store for us in the long run.
On certain days I have a sense of belonging with Jax and the club. I find myself handling what is thrown at me by knowing I fit in it somewhere. But yet, I am never sure where it really is. Those are the good days. On other days we are worlds apart from having a life of our own and being rid of the curse of SAMCRO. We see nothing the same way. It makes me feel as though we have lost the connection between us.
On certain occasions, I get a shimmering glimpse of the connection again. For the most part it is enough to keep me hanging on to hope and faith in us. But is it a false hope? Am I only fooling myself into believing it? I wish I knew how to bridge the gap of what we are and find the place where we are both happy at the same time.
For every life I save on the table in the operating room, Jax takes one away. When I have a moment of peace, the club takes it away. Any stolen time with my husband I can get, another woman always seems to take it away. My family, I will let no one take them away from
"This is my son. This is my friend Tara."
Nero was completely amazing with Lucius. As I watched Nero I knew what I did last night was the right thing. My boys lack that so much in their lives. Their father was only a visitor in our home. He was never around for moments like this with them.
Abel wanted to be pushed on the swing so Nero moved Lucius in his wheel chair over too. "I wish I could swing."
It broke my heart to hear that come out of Lucius's mouth. Every child needed to have some normalcy during their childhood, including my boys. I would have to see what I could do to let Lucius have his moment when I got back to the hospital.
We left when it was time for Lucius to go to physical therapy. Since he spent most of his life in a wheel chair, the rest of his muscles had to be worked on every day.
"Your son is very sweet Nero."
"Yeah he is such a good boy. He's nothing like his father or mother, thank god." It must have been the look on my face that said it all. "I wasn't meaning Jax or anything Tara."
"I know."
I knew he wasn't referencing Jax directly. But it didn't change the fact if my children turned out to be like their father; they too would be criminals and killers. It was the worst nightmare a mother could have about their children. Unless you were Gemma, then you encourage it and want them to be a common street thug.
My breathing got faster and my heart was beating more erratically. Every breath I took in I was laboring to take. I gripped the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles were white. Something was wrong with me, my vision went blurry, and I could barely see what was in front of me.
"Tara are you okay? Look out."
"Shit."
Within a few feet I managed to stop the car before it hit a deer in the road. He was already dead from another car but, they just left it laying there. From every direction crows were flying off. They made a feast out of the dead carcass. Except for one that stood alone on the side of the road and away from the crowd of others. It looked like the same as the crow I had seen over the last couple of days. It was the white mark across the eye that made it so identifiable.
When I went to get out of the car, Nero stopped me. "Where are you going Tara? We can drive around it."
I thought about explaining it to Nero. But thought better of it. He would probably think I was crazing too. Because I was sure I was being stalked by a crow.
"I'll be right back."
One step at a time, I tried to approach the crow slowly. It had no fear of me though. Those little cold black eyes looked directly in mine and never lost their focus on me. There was something in its mouth but, I couldn't tell what it was. So I slipped a little closer to it. Before I reached it, whatever was in its mouth fell to the ground. It cawed a couple of times and flew away.
As I bent down to look at it; it was a small piece of baby blue ribbon. As silly as it was, I picked it up and put it in my pocket. There had to be a meaning to all of this. Why would a crow be following me around?
"Hell maybe I am fucking crazy."
"Tara. Do you want to tell me what you are doing?"
"Do you believe in omens?"
"I guess so." Nero sort of shrugged. You could tell he really didn't believe.
"It's what I am doing."
Nero didn't ask anymore. But he did offer to drive us back to the clubhouse. All I knew was with him being with Gemma, he should be used to bizarre behavior by now. I caught him looking over at me a couple of times without saying a word all the way there.
The queen bitch, I meant Gemma, was waiting outside for us. How in the hell she always knew when we were going to arrive was beyond me. Like the crow, she had some sixth sense going on too.
"Don't you have to work today?"
"I took the day off."
"Why don't you let me and Nero take the boys this afternoon? We will feed them lunch and drop them off later. So you can have some Tara time, mom."
"I'm fine. I would rather have the boys with me."
"You might wanna take a drive to Stockton or something."
"Is that where Jax is? Did he go to Collette's place again?"
"He went to meet the Madame whore..."
"Gemma." Nero scolded her by the way he said her name. Possibly she still even schocked him from time to time.
"It's okay Nero. I'm sure it's just for business purposes only." Those might have been the words that came out of my mouth. Inside my head was screaming that mother fucker.
"Yeah me too, it's probably just business. Come on Nero let's get some lunch made for the boys. I'll see you later mom."
This was where I once again had to make choices. I could walk away from it and do nothing. I had plenty of other things to do today to occupy my time from not going to Stockton to check up on Jax. Would he cheat on me once again? Or had he and I just haven't found out about it yet? The biggest question was did I trust him enough not to go?
"Fuck no I don't trust him. He has done nothing to earn it from me yet."
Before I made it back to the car Nero came out. "I need to go to Stockton. Do you mind if I tag along with you?"
"You really don't need to go to Stockton, do you?"
"I do if you say I can go with you."
The fact Nero wanted to go, had me guessing what exactly I would be walking into. Did he know something I didn't?
"Will you tell me what Jax is doing there?"
"I don't know. These days he seems to be flying solo and making decisions without me. That's the truth, mama."
"I believe you. He does the same with me too." Well at least I wasn't the only one Jax decided what was best for without consulting anyone else first.
The first place Nero took us to was the bakery shop. I had already been here before but, I would keep that information to myself for now. Nero told me it was used as a front of course for illegal business. But weren't they all when the club was involved?
"What do you want amigo?"
"I'm looking for Jax. Have you seen him?"
"Nope. But then again I haven't been looking for him. Who's she?"
"A friend of mine. If you see Jax, tell him to call me."
Nero seemed on edge when we walked in. I noticed he kept an eye on the guys in there and tried to stand so his back wasn't directly to them. He almost walked out of there backwards.
"I'm confused Nero. Why didn't you tell him who I am?"
"Because, Barosky is a scum bag and I don't trust him. He will call Jax and Baroksy will tell him I brought you here. This way all he can say is a classy pretty chick was with me."
"Thanks, I haven't been called pretty in a very long time." It made me smile and sad in the same breath. When I thought back to exactly how long it had been.
"That's a shame, because you should hear it from Jax all the time. I always want Gemma to know how beautiful she really is and how much she means to me." Those words made my heart flutter. It wasn't even me Nero referenced. Yet, I still felt his love for her.
"You don't appear to fit in with the rest of them. I mean it as a compliment by the way." After I assessed the situation and the more we talked. Nero was special. I just wasn't certain how he fit in with all this shit.
"I am taking it as a compliment too. I wasn't always this way. It took my son being born, time in prison and a lot of reality checks in life for me to get here. The way a man was; is not set in stone. A Leopard can really change its spots. I am living proof of it. So don't give up on Jax just yet."
There was the false hope again seeping in my heart. I truly wanted to believe someday Jax could change and leave all of this behind. Rome was not built in a day. So, I would take baby steps with him and we would get there together somehow.
The next place we went was to see the great Collette. Perhaps my hate for her was unwarranted and it was spilling over from the past. But with Jax, I could never be too sure.
"Do you want to wait for me?"
"This is something I have to do Nero."
"I get it, I really do. It's just I..."
"You don't know for sure what I will find Jax doing. I get that part too, I really do."
Before we ever made it up the path to the stairs leading to the front door I stopped. Crows were circling up above us. Flying together in perfect harmony, flowing so freely through the air. They had to be an omen of some sort but, I still wasn't getting it. The significance of their meaning just wasn't clear to me yet.
When I heard that familiar sound, I jumped as I was startled and turned around quickly. It was the same white face crow perched on a limb in the tree. I didn't even know why I was surprised by it being here.
"It's not too late to turn back Tara. I will never say anything to Jax about you being here."
"It's not that. It's the crows."
"You got a thing about birds don't you girl?"
"Not really."
A brunette with her boobs and everything else hanging out greeted us at the door. "Hi, Nero."
"Is Jax here?"
"He is upstairs with Collette in her office."
Those words and what I expected to find rang in my head with each step I walked up. Could it be possible she had an actual office and the girl didn't mean she was upstairs fucking my husband?
As I approached the last step, I stopped once again. Did I really want to know what was going on past the door? Could I still have love in my heart for Jax if he was fucking around again? Especially if I had to witness it.
Nero held out his hand for me. "We will do it together. No matter what happens Tara, I'm here and it will be okay."
A very quiet "Thank you" passed from my lips as I took Nero's hand.
I took a couple of quick breaths in as we stood in front of the door. Nero leaned against the frame and waited for me to make my decision. My free hand finally reached for the door knob. I could hear Collette's laughter from the other side. She was saying my husband's name. So I knew this was the right room.
Jax was really surprised when he seen me standing in the doorway. I was even more surprised to find him setting in a chair doing absolutely nothing with her. Guilt should have been my emotion at the time. Only it wasn't, it was relief.
"What are you doing here Tara?"
"She came with me. We went to see Lucius and Tara was kind enough to make some medical recommendations for him. I thought I better come by and check shit out while I was sort of in the neighborhood. You know with the call Collette made yesterday about getting shut down and all."
"You could have just called me on the phone Nero."
"Yeah, I'll do that next time. You could have called me yesterday too partner."
Jax looked pissed off when he stood up from the chair. His eyes kept glaring at our hands being locked together, then his gaze went to Nero. I smiled at Nero before I let go of his hand. To let him know I appreciated him being here with me. Nero smiled back then turned his attention to Jax, only to give him a cold stare back.
"It was a false alarm yesterday. I was so upset, Jax stayed with me and calmed me down. I am hoping Jax can stay around so we can sort out all the paperwork tonight. We are having a party, you and Jax should attend it." Collette smiled directly at me when she only invited them to come.
"I can't, I have a date with my wife tonight." The shocked look on her face, he turned her down. It made my heart leap with joy. Damn, it was so wrong to get excited over the fact your husband actually acknowledged you as his wife. Even though it was a small victory, it still was a win for me this time.
"I'll have Lyla come over and help with the paper work. I'm sure Jax has important club business to handle. If that's okay with you partner? I won't make decisions without you knowing about it."
"Yeah, that'll be great Nero."
Knowing Jax the way I did, he was irritated at the fact Nero called him out on it in front of us. It was one of the things to change rapidly after he took over the gavel. If you called Jax out on something, he made sure you never done it again. What once was for the good of the club, became what was good for his leadership instead.
"What about you Nero, will you join us this evening?"
"Nah, I can't. I spend my evenings with Gemma. But thanks anyway."
It was a silent walk to the car for all three of us. Until Jax broke it. "Why didn't you go to work today?"
"I took a day off because I didn't feel like going."
"Are you sick?"
"No, I'm not sick. I just didn't want to."
Jax kissed my forehead before I got in the car. "I'll be home for dinner tonight."
"If you are, you are. If you're not, don't bother coming back home Jax. You better like living at the clubhouse."
"I love you Tara and I will be there. Nero give me a call later. We have some shit to talk about."
We followed behind Jax's bike. But I took a detour to the hospital. "I have something I want to show you."
They had many gadgets for physical therapy sessions. One of them was a swing which held the legs in place for patients who couldn't move them. It was perfect for Lucius.
"I don't know what to say Tara. Thank you."
"You don't need to say anything and you're welcome. Let's go so Lucius can swing like he wants to."
Nero was a good man. My original assessment of him was correct. I knew what a good feeling it was to see your child happy. You done anything you could to make it happen too.
We got it approved first by Lucius's physician to use it. It was something I insisted on. Nero went out and hooked it up to the swing set. I just sat back and watched as he went to tell his son about it.
It brought a calming to my heart to watch the father and son spend a glorious bonding moment together. Lucius smiled and laughed as Nero pushed him on the swing. Of course he didn't want to quit when they came out to get him. Nero really didn't want to either but, he knew it was time.
Nero cleared his throat and put on his sunglasses after he hugged his son goodbye. He didn't want us to know he was a little choked up. I changed the subject on the way back to the clubhouse. It was hard to tell which was happier at the moment; Nero or Lucius.
I was running short on time because I still had to cook dinner. I got the boys quickly from Gemma. We still had a lot of things to do.
Thomas went into his play pen while I ran Abel's bath for him. It wasn't his favorite thing to do but, he done it without protest when I told him Daddy might join us for dinner tonight. I had to use the word might, I didn't want it to be another disappointment to my son.
Running around the kitchen like a mad woman to get everything started. The potatoes were on to boil and I started the fried chicken.
When I glanced at the clock it was 5:42 p.m. and no sign of Jax. I set the table as though the four of us would be eating together. "Don't let me down this time."
With five minutes to spare I heard his bike pull in the drive. He actually made it like he said he would for once. I was waiting for my husband like a wife should at the door.
"It's not six yet."
He didn't need to say anything else, I wrapped my arms around him tightly. "I really do love you, Tara. I'm sorry."
There were only a few times I would actually agree with Gemma on well, anything. She made it known to everyone nothing good ever came out of rehashing old history. But this was one time I would take her stand on it and let it go. At least for tonight. All I cared about was having my family together under the same roof and safe.
After I put the fried chicken, green beans and mashed potatoes with gravy on the table. We actually set down as family for a meal. I looked around at my boys, I wanted to cry. No one would understand something this small could mean so much. The fact my husband made damn sure he came through the door on time, was priceless to me. Just the simple act he had done meant he still at least cared about our relationship.
"Do you want to know what I saw today, Daddy?"
"Sure."
"I saw a lizard by the swing set. Tommy was scared but, I wasn't. I protected him from it."
"That's great you protected your little brother."
"I always try to protect him and Mommy because you're never home anymore to do it."
Abel's statement or observation, however you looked at it. Simply stunned Jax and he gave no reply. I noticed he didn't eat anymore afterwards. I warned him what could and would happen with him being absent so much from their lives.
After they finished eating, I started clearing the table. "Let me give you a hand babe." This was definitely something I wasn't used to, Jax wanted to cleanup something. Other than a mess the club created.
Abel took Jax by the hand. "Daddy, will you watch Sponge Bob with me?"
"As soon as I help Mommy, okay?"
"Go ahead Jax. I'll clean this up."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
It felt like another special father and son moment I witnessed today. Abel was literally cheering at the fact his father was going to be with him. Jax picked up Thomas from the high chair. I honestly had to stop and think about the last time Jax held Thomas for more than five minutes.
Quietly I slipped around the corner. Thomas was cuddled up to Jax's side in the chair. Abel was setting on the other side chattering about Sponge Bob. If I could freeze time, it would be now. So I could enjoy my boys being together.
Then the fear rushed over me, tomorrow would eventually come and what would it be like in our home once again? "I might have to find another way to shake up Mr. Teller."
For a couple of hours we were a normal, loving family. Doing the basic everyday things in life. "Go get ready for bed. I will be there to tuck you in."
Jax went into the bathroom while Abel put on his pajamas. I heard the water running and thought he was taking a shower until he came out dressed. "I'll put the boys to bed. I ran you a hot bath."
"I'm sorry, you did what?"
"I know I'm a shitty father Tara and a worse husband. But tonight, I will take care of the boys and you go a soak." Jax gave me a quick kiss before he disappeared into the boys' room.
Well, I wasn't going to waste it that was for sure. Hell I haven't had time to soak in a tub for months. I stripped down and couldn't wait for the bubbles to consume me.
The smell of fresh lilacs calmed my senses as I settled into the hot water. I soaked a rag then covered my forehead when I leaned my head back against the tub. This was pure heaven for me. Most women wanted expensive things and to be treated like a princess. Me, I just wanted a quiet evening with my family.
"Can I have some water?"
"Yeah."
"It's not how Mommy does it."
"It's a cup with water in it Abel."
"She always puts one ice cube in it for me."
"Well, just drink it son."
"No. I need an ice cube."
It made me giggle when Jax was rummaging through the freezer looking for ice. "Sorry Abel, we are all out of ice."
"No."
"Yes we are."
"No."
"Yes."
"Let me show you."
Abel took Jax back into the kitchen. I heard the ice falling from the door. "Oh."
"See, I told you."
"It is bed time little man."
After Jax got Abel finally into bed. He came in and sat down on the potty. "When did we get the new refrigerator?"
"Three months ago Jax."
"You've made your point. I need to be here more."
"Will you hand me my razor from the sink?"
"I'll do something better than that."
Jax took off his shirt and set on the edge of the tub. He lifted my leg out of the water. Then placed my foot on his leg. With a handful of shaving cream he rubbed my leg until it was completely covered. Each swipe of the razor was followed by his hand caressing my leg.
Next went his pants down to the floor. He climbed on in the tub down by my feet. My other leg went propped up on his shoulder. Only this time when he was done shaving it, he rinsed my leg then his lips explored my calf. It felt so good when he licked and nipped at it.
I went to get out of the tub only for him to stop me. "I wasn't done yet babe."
Jax let some water out of the drain then filled it back up with more hot water. He settled his body in behind my mine. With Abel's tub toy he filled it up with water and leaned my head back on his shoulder. He dowsed me a couple of time before applying shampoo to my hair.
I only thought he had magic fingers when he massaged my scalp and ran his fingers through my hair. When his hand went under the water and inside of me, I was certain of it.
After we played around in the tub I had to mop up the water from the floor. I didn't mind though, it was one mess which was fun to make.
Jax was already out when I went into the bedroom. I sat in the chair and watched him for a while. I decided to grab my laptop and make an entry before I went to sleep too.
Jax is in such a deep peaceful slumber while I type this. Peace is something never used much in his vocabulary. He is such a tortured soul most of the time. It used to be he felt guilty about some of the things he's done. Now I don't even see as much as any remorse for it in his eyes. That's what worries me the most about him. I blame the club and his mother for it. But to some degree it's his fault as well, he chooses to stay in the middle of the chaos. It's almost like he enjoys it.
Will the day come when a woman blames me for my sons as well? I say a prayer every day for them to change their path of direction away from SAMCRO. If we stay in Charming, I don't think that will ever happen. Their destiny becomes clearer to me. They too will be dragged down in the lower pits of hell with the club. I will have no way to save them from it.
They say you can only teach a child so much. Then it is up to them how their life turns out by the choices they make. But is it really the truth? If John would have taken Thomas and Jax out of Charming away from the club when he still had the chance. What kind of man would Jax be today? How different would our relationship truly be? Would it save my boys from the same fate? Is it too late or can I somehow turn it all around still?
I laid beside my husband in bed and thought about it until I must have drifted off to sleep. It startled me a bit when I woke up in bed alone. I went into the boy's room and they were gone. I ran to the kitchen. No one was there either. A piece of paper was on the counter by the coffee pot which was still on.
Tara,
I took the boys to daycare. Enjoy your morning babe. I made your coffee too.
Love you,
Jax
"Maybe this will be a great day after all."
I actually got to sit around and just drink coffee before I had to go to work. I even stopped off for a fresh baked doughnut because I had so much time on my hands.
The best part was no crows were around all the way to work. I looked for them too. "I must have just been imaging it all."
With a big smile on my face I entered the elevator to go up to my office. So I could start my day. Only it was short lived. "I need to speak to you in my office."
"Okay, Margret. I'll be there after I make my rounds."
"Now please." It was the way she said it. This wasn't Margret my friend, it was my boss speaking.
"You are suspended until further investigation Tara." She threw a bunch of papers down on her desk.
When I picked them up I couldn't believe what I seen. It was me out there with the brothel girls at the car wash we had for Todd. Another one of me in my red leather pants greeting the whore's clients. "Son of a bitch, it looks like I am the one running pussy for the club."
"You have tied the hospital to prostitution. They will conduct a full investigation."
"This doesn't mean anything, I can explain it. It is a legitimate escort business. I have nothing to do..."
"But your husband does have a lot to do with it. You can call it an escort service if you like. But, we all know the truth to what it really is. They have turned a blind eye to the activities of the Sons of Anarchy because they value you here as a doctor. But they will not ignore it when it questions the integrity of the hospital and one of its chief surgeon's reputation."
"Isn't there something you can do?"
"I warned you Tara to not get involved with a patient's problems. You chose to do it anyway according to the signs the girls are holding. My hands are tied. Please empty out your things and I will advise you of the outcome."
Security escorted me out of the hospital. Could you guess what was perched on the post by my car? That's correct, a damn crow. "I don't even see you. Nope, I am not dealing with it today."
Once I got in the car it landed on the hood of my car and was staring at me through the windshield. "Okay fine, I fucking see you. Are you happy now?"
It cawed a couple of times before it flew off. But I knew it would only be back at some point. I sat in the parking lot for an hour trying to sort it all out in my head. Every time I asked the question who would do it and why? My answer always went back to the same person, Collette. Nero, Lyla and the other girls had nothing to gain from it. Even if someone was trying to hurt the club, getting me fired wouldn't affect them one way or another.
To the clubhouse I went to confront Jax about the damn Madame. Of course his bike was gone when I got there. I stormed into Gemma's office.
"Where is Jax?"
"They went to Stockton."
"Fuck, of course he did."
"What's wrong?" It was easier to just show her. "You think the Madame had something to do with it? I don't like that bitch either. She's been getting pretty cozy with Jax lately."
"I'm sure she did it. What would you do Gemma?"
"I think you already know the answer to that one sweetheart."
Yes, I knew exactly what she would do. I was going to confront the bitch too. For once I was doing it on my own and in my own damn way. When I pulled up to the brothel I was the one confronted with yet another problem, a fucking huge problem.
"Son of a bitch. It's him."
Collette was on the porch with the ones who attacked me. They were dressed in Police uniforms and of course they knew her. She must have been the party favor because each guy was taking turns kissing her before they took it inside her brothel. Maybe she hired them to get me out of the way. I thought about calling Jax but, would he believe me or not? She seemed to have some sort of unspoken hold on him or at least she was trying hard to. So I called the person who I trusted the most.
"Nero, I have a problem. You said I could call you if I needed anything."
"I'll be right there. Don't start shit with them Tara."
It wasn't long until Nero pulled up behind me. "Stay here."
"Shouldn't we call Jax? What if they hurt you?"
"Stay here, mama. I got this." He took his gun out of the back of his pants. It was obvious he meant business.
Of course I heard what Nero said for me to do. I would also be pissed if my boys didn't listen to me in a dangerous situation. But part of me was screaming on the inside to not let Nero face this alone. So I followed after him anyway.
"What is this shit? You better have a damn good excuse to roll up in here with your gun out amigo."
"I do, Barosky. Tara says they attacked her the other night. I need for you to lift your shirt up. Being dirty cops all you understand if I don't just take your word for it."
"Who the hell are you going to believe; a crazy bitch or me? They were watching my warehouses for the last four nights."
"I believe her. So lift your shirt up. It's the last time I am gonna say it."
"Put the gun down Nero. Let's not make this get messy because I will blow her away." I wasn't watching the bitch. I was too busy trying not to go into panic mode with what Nero was doing. Collette had a gun pointed at my head as she wrapped her arm around my neck from behind.
"Alright, let's talk about this calmly. No need for anybody to get hurt."
Nero was going to surrender by lowering his gun but, I couldn't let him because of me. This was no longer about just my family, it was about his son as well. God only knew what they would do to us if he surrendered. We were all our children really had. I should be ashamed for even thinking their father wouldn't be there for our boys if something happened to me. But again, reality was staring me in the face and slapping the shit out of me at the same time.
As Jax always told me there was no being half in or half out, it was all or nothing. I still might be searching for my place as an old lady and the club queen. When it came to being a mother to my children; I had no doubt what my place was. So I was all in when I head butted that bitch as hard as I could in the face with the back of my head.
"Fuck, Jax makes it look so easy." I was woozy and felt nauseous as I stumbled around trying to regain my senses.
I hope you enjoyed reading me!
Now that I have Hot Harleys and Cool Vampires complete. I hope to be posting more on this story, along with my others. My goal is to post the next chapter in a couple of days.
I want to give a huge thank you to the one who recommended this story on Face Book. I greatly appreciate it and it made my day.
A couple of you have asked me if Tara will make it through to the end of this story, absolutely she will. By the end there will be no doubt who the true SOA queen is.
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