Chapter 8, Gone to the Dogs
"I'm fine."
"You call me up at one in the morning, half crying and rambling on about shit I don't understand. Trust me, Tara, you are not fine."
"I shouldn't have called you. I'm sorry for waking you up." I spent hours wandering around aimlessly. Every thought I had was a jumbled up mess. Until I reached the point I had to talk to someone or lose my sanity. If anyone would understand what I was going through, it was Kyle.
"I don't care about that. But, why are we meeting here in secret? It's not like we're having a hot love affair. Or are we and no one told me about it?" Kyle winked at me when he was done. It was part of his charm I was usually amused by. But not tonight.
"This is a safe place. No one will come here looking for me."
"You mean, Jax won't come looking for you and find you here with me?"
"Yeah, something like that. Are you going to open the door or not Kyle?" We were standing on an empty street in front his tattoo shop in a town no one knew about from my world.
There was so much I needed and wanted to tell him. For it all to make sense I started at the beginning when I was a teenager and meet Jax. To a harder part of my life, making the choice to come back to Charming after my dad died. I left out most of the incriminating things about Jax and all the details for it.
When it came to discussing the recent events, I knew Kyle would think I was crazy, seeing things that weren't really there. Or hell, just fucking flipped my last cookie. With the last sentence I said, I waited for it.
"I think it is possible. According to the tales of the crow; they can bring a tormented soul back to rectify wrongs. But, I've never read anything about it happening in the form of another human being. It's always been they act through the crow who still carries their soul around with them." Kyle just opened up bigger questions in my mind. If John wasn't the old man, then who in the hell was? Or did John somehow figure out a way to make himself appear before me and would never reappear again?
"If I show you something, you have to promise, you will never tell anyone." This was a risqué move. But I felt if John had a coded message somewhere in it, Kyle would pick up on it. They were similar to the way they thought and spoke.
"I'm not going to tell Jax. It's who you're really worried about, isn't Tara?" Kyle's question was a fair one. But even the club hadn't seen what John wrote yet. I knew for sure Gemma wouldn't be thrilled about the idea either. Another decision call I made to let him read it, right or wrong was to be seen.
Kyle started reading and I paced around. I had to find something to do while he did. So, I went to get us coffee, I needed a lot of coffee. There wasn't nothing open but an all-night truck stop. I bought six cups and could use the microwave in his shop to heat it up later. I wasn't sure how he took his. They didn't have any cream or sugar packets. The girl behind the counter was nice and put some of each in a cup for me to take.
The glance I made at my cellphone when I got back in the car because the light was blinking; I had sixteen missed calls. All of them were from Jax. "Shit." Most were made in the last few hours.
A quick call to Kyle to let him know I had to go home. I felt horrible about dragging him out in the middle of the night then running off. But as always, he understood.
Jax however, wasn't so understand when I went inside the house. "Where have you been?"
"I drove around and lost track of time. Sorry."
"Who were you with?"
"No one." I lied to Jax. Only because I couldn't tell him the truth about John and the crows. Would he even believe me if I did?
"Sit down." Jax was pissed and I had it coming. Or did I actually. How many times did I wake up to not find him in bed with me all hours of the night? He never bothered to give an explanation of where he was or who he was with.
"Can we talk about this tomorrow, Jax. I'm tired."
"Tara, is there something you need to tell me?"
"No, I don't think so."
"I'm gonna ask you one more time, is there something you wanna tell me?" Jax was being coy. As though he knew I had done something wrong. The only thing I could come up was he knew I spent time with Kyle and talked about crows. I rolled my eyes even thinking about it. I would consider myself lucky if it was all Jax done when he was a way from me.
"No."
"Then what's this shit?" Jax threw a picture down on the table. It looked like something Abel had drawn.
"I have no idea what it is."
"Stop lying to me." Jax was getting loud with me. It made me jump a little. It wasn't just from him but everything else that happened tonight as well. My nerves were shot.
"Gemma called and wanted to know what was going on with you. She said you came by the house and left in a hurry. I told her to go ahead and bring the boys home. I figured you would be back soon. Abel wanted to color before he went to bed. He drew this picture. Then he told me who is in it with him; Mommy, Thomas and Kyle." Jax was looking through me not at me any longer. I wasn't sure if he was mad or hurt by it. I wanted to respond to him, I really did. But I couldn't come up the right words.
"You've been taking my kids around him. Abel told me all about the fun weekend you spent together. Kyle collected rocks with him, went on a nature walk and spent time with him, like I don't do. Those were his exact words too. Is that the shit you put in my son's head? Are you trying to poison that boy against me?"
"Did you really hear what your son said? Jesus Christ, Jax, open your eyes and see what you are doing to our children. I don't have to poison Abel against you, you do a good enough job of it yourself. He is a smart little boy. At what point did you think he would get tired on your empty fucking promises and never being around for him?"
Jax took his arm and cleared off everything on the counter. He broke most of the dishes from it. Not only that, but now, Thomas was crying from the crash and shattering noises which woke him up.
"I have to take care of our son. Just like I always do because we both know you never have time for them." At least I was getting a reprieve in Thomas' room. I held my son so tightly to me and rocked him. I was setting in the same room, while so many times contemplating the same exact things.
How will all of this end up effecting my children? What will become of them if I don't remain strong and stand my ground with Jax. Would they grow up to hate him or worse, be just like him. From what Abel told him tonight, the cycle was already set in motion.
It didn't take long for Thomas to fall back to sleep. I only had a couple of hours until the boys would be up and ready to start their day.
Jax was sitting on our bed spinning his wedding ring on his finger. "Do you still love me, Tara?"
"Yes, I do."
"What's going on between you and Kyle?"
"He is helping out at the Lodge. We're just friends and nothing more."
"Then why do I get the feeling you are seeing him behind my back?"
"I have no idea. But I get the same feeling every day when you walk out the door with someone. There are always women around you flaunting their bodies, the crow eaters who are willing to suck you off at your command and others throwing themselves at you on a daily basis. Not to mention how much time you spend with Collette. Yet, you are unhappy about one guy being around me who hasn't even as much as put the moves on me. Or done anything inappropriate once."
We talked for another hour. My eyes were so heavy. I was suffering from sleep deprivation anyway. This would catch up with me during the day tomorrow.
Jax and I slept together like we used to. My head on his chest while he held me. It became part our routine to only sleep this way after we had sex and it got to be only sometimes now. Many times I begged for my husband's attention or just his touch. As much as I wanted to stay awake to enjoy it, I couldn't.
No more than I had got comfortable and dozed off, the alarm went off. I hit the snooze button again and again. Until I heard Thomas. Jax was out so I got up.
After I fed Thomas, he went right back to sleep to my amazement. Abel was starting to stir around in his bed. I laid on the day bed trying to get another five minutes of sleep before he got up.
It ended up being more like another hour when Jax woke me up. The sound of the drawer shutting startled me a little. "You can sleep. I've already fed Abel and I'm getting the boys dressed."
"Aren't you late heading to the clubhouse?"
"I'm not going today." It was all Jax said before leaving the room. He didn't have his leather on either.
When I could finally make my body move to get up, I went and took a quick shower. I continued on with my day. I wasn't sure what Jax's plans were yet. But I had tons of stuff to get done.
"I'll take the boys to Gemma. So when you're ready to leave you can." I had a bag for every venture I had going on. My Lodge bag held the clients list and passwords. Nero and I had a notebook full of ideas we eventually wanted to put in motion. I got the boys' stuff ready too and set everything by the door.
"I'm gonna hang out with you today, If it's okay?" Jax surprised the hell out of me. He never took an interest in what I did before.
"Um, sure."
Shocked wasn't the look on Gemma's face when she seen us both come in with the boys. Her jaw was tight and she didn't have much to say to either of us. Which was unusual because she always had more to say than you really wanted to hear.
Chibs seen Jax and came in from the garage. "Jackie, I need to talk to you for a minute."
"I'll be right back, babe." Jax gave me a kiss on the cheek before they went outside.
Gemma slammed the door shut when Jax left. "What game are you running with me Doc? Jax threatened to take Abel and Thomas away from me last night."
"I have no idea what you're talking about. Jax wouldn't do that."
"Jax would and he did. He jumped up all in my shit over Kyle. Cause I knew he went to the farm and didn't tell Jackson. I suggest, sweetheart, you start paying attention to what's going on around you." It was all Gemma got out before Jax came back in. I had no idea what she meant but I would find out later.
"Oh, by the way, mommy lays them all called here looking for you this morning Jackson. I told her she should wait to try your cellphone again until you left Tara and the boys. You probably wouldn't answer it with Tara around." Gemma's comment didn't please Jax. It didn't exactly set well with me either.
But how Jax handles most shit, he blew Gemma off because it wasn't something he wanted to discuss. We left to go to the Lodge. We didn't receive any warmer of a welcome there.
"Why's Jax here?" Nero was pissed off. It was a rarity he got angry.
"He's spending the day with me. Is there something going on I don't know about?"
"Nope." Nero was short and went straight to the source, Jax setting at the bar having a smoke and a cup of coffee.
"I like you Jax, I always have. But if you talk to Gemma that way again, me and you, we're gonna have problems man. You getting what I'm saying to you?"
"Stay outta my family business, Nero. What you do with Gemma, I could give a shit less about it."
"Family business? Are you serious? Gemma lives for you and those boys. What affects her, is my business. You heard what I said."
"Yeah, and you heard what I said." Jax wasn't going to maintain his temper much longer. So, I stepped in to break it up.
"Nero, can I go over a couple of things with you?" It wasn't a necessity I spoke to him. But it sounded like a good excuse.
We shut the door to his office so no one could hear our conversation. "What did Jax really do to Gemma last night?"
"He called Gemma screaming at her because Kyle went with us down to the farm. I even told Jax it was my idea and everything was perfectly innocent on your part. Later on, he called back and said some real cruel things. He made her cry. Do you know what it takes to make Gemma cry?" I felt horrible. Jax took out on Gemma what he was feeling for me.
"I'm sorry, Nero. Jax was mad and said shit he probably didn't mean." Again, I made an excuse for Jax. It didn't justify his actions by any means.
Nero was getting something out of his pocket. When I saw it, I smiled. Even in the mix of all this shit, there was a rose. "I'm gonna ask Gemma to marry me. She is my world; I won't let Jax tear her a part."
"I am happy for both of you. Congratulations." I hugged him because I knew he was true about his feeling for Gemma. Never once, with all the naked girls running around here; did Nero falter with his love for her.
"Don't break out the Champagne just yet. Gemma hasn't said yes." It was cute, he was nervous about asking her.
It lightened the mood somewhat. We discussed Lodge business and Jax and I left. It was better this way for a lot of reasons.
"So, what are we gonna do for the rest of the day?"
"How about we pick up the boys and spend the rest of the day at home? I don't get to that much anymore." Never being there was catching up with me on sleep and house chores. I wondered if the boys noticed it too.
Jax didn't seem to mind the idea. I went to get them as he went to talk to Chibs. I felt it best to keep him away from Gemma for a day or two to let it blow over. Which, it would because it always does between them.
It was a quick entrance in and out. I let Gemma know just how important grandma was to my boys. Later on, when she and I could set down and have a conversation, we would discuss what happened and what she meant earlier.
The boys were as tired as we were. Jax held Thomas and Abel laid close to me on our bed while we watched a movie. I didn't make it much past the intro before I was out.
Abel's jumping around on the bed woke me up though. "Mommy, we made you dinner."
"Wow, you're getting to be my big boy." Abel loved it when we played the kissing game. I would put a kiss on him and he would give me one back and so on until he giggled.
"I helped Daddy make green beans. I poured them in a bowl."
"Well, I can't wait to taste what you made. Let's go see if daddy needs some help."
But Jax didn't need help at all. The table was set already. In the center was a small vase of flowers even. Thomas was banging his toy around on the high chair while taking in what everyone was doing around him. It was the perfect setting of a real family.
Then it set in with me, this was only one day. How many more would I get like this? I didn't want to get my hopes up again to just be disappointed. But this was a moment I would hold on to of all my boys.
Abel carried my plate to the table. He moved so slowly and concentrated on every little step he took. "Thank you, baby." It actually looked good. To good in fact for Jax to have cooked it. I saw the grocery bag on the counter. He visited the deli and bought most of it. It warmed my heart he made such an effort.
Sometimes when I looked at Jax, I seen the man I fell in love with. Other times, it was stranger looking at me from across the table. A man I couldn't relate to at all. One who had grown cold and callous.
"This is really sweet. Thank you, Jax."
"I'm not perfect. I know I am not. But I do love you and my boys. Abel helped me this afternoon. We went shopping. He knew your favorite flower. I didn't." Jax dropped his head and stared down at his plate for a long time before he raised it up again. "I'm sorry."
Jax teared up when we made eye contact. Like Gemma, it took a lot to get to him. I've seen do him do cruel and horrible things without showing any emotions at all. What I would consider a break through with my husband, most women would consider normal everyday life.
"Look what Daddy got me." Abel was excited about the present he got while shopping today.
"Oh wow, a kite."
"If I'm good, we are going to put it together after dinner."
"Then I will do the dishes so you guys can get started on it."
Abel was skipping towards the living room. It only took small things for him to be happy. Jax came up from behind and wrapped his arms around me. "I do love you."
"I love you too."
Even though Jax bought most of the meal, he still made a hell of a mess in the kitchen. I filled up the dishwasher, clean off the counters and called it done for the night.
Thomas and I joined them in the living room just to watch. It was kind of cute Jax had to read the instructions several time. He bought a cool but complexed kite which required a lot of construction.
It was time for me to get ready to go to the Lodge. I called Nero. "I won't be in tonight. I have more important things to do than take care of business. I'm spending time with my family." He didn't have a problem with it. Which I didn't think he would. It wasn't like he really needed me to run it.
For hours Jax and Abel sat to get it put together. "Can we fly it now?"
"It's dark already little man. We'll do it after I get home tomorrow night. You need to get ready for bed."
Jax took Abel and I took Thomas to get them ready. I rounded the corner and heard what they were talking about.
"Abel, do you know I love you?"
"Yes."
"I don't wanna be away all the time. I have to work so I can take care of you guys. Do you think Mommy spends too much time away from home too?" I wasn't certain why Jax brought me in their conversation. Other than to maybe sooth his guilt.
"No. Mommy is with us every day. She is here when I wake up, makes me food and watches Tommy. You're never here and you never watch Tommy. It's why I watch over Mommy and Tommy to protect them."
"Good night, little man." Jax had no response to Abel's comment. It would be a rough one to answer back to.
Jax went to take a shower and he never said another word about it. We cuddled up in bed. In the dark, it was quiet around us. I could feel his heart beating fast while he held me. We didn't need to have sex every night to prove he loved me. Him just not having sex with other women would be a big mark in the bonus column for it.
SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA
You just know when you dream they will get shattered. For the most part I accepted it well because it was a part of life and I learn to deal with it. But when it came to my son, it completely irked me.
The first day wasn't as bad. Abel set waiting for Jax to come home and fly the kite with him like he promised. Of course, he didn't make it home until after dark. You would of thought Jax wouldn't do it again to break his son's heart. But, he did.
"Tomorrow night little man, I promise." When those two little words came out of Jax's mouth, I thought of all the times he said them to me. Never once did he follow through on those promises either.
"I hope you mean it Jax. Abel set for two hours waiting on you."
"I do."
"You better." It was a warning and I would not elaborate on it any farther. If Jax couldn't see it, then I couldn't be of any help to him.
The next day, the same thing. Abel set out on the step looking up and down the street for Jax for an hour. Gripping the kite in his little hand as though it were his only procession.
"We need to go inside and make some dinner."
"I'm not hungry."
"Honey, daddy is very busy and has a very demanding job." How do you explain to a child what Jax really does? I tried to keep things as vague as possible when I talked to Abel about it.
"Does that mean Daddy is not coming home to fly it with me?"
"I don't know baby."
Abel threw the kite down. I watched it almost float to the ground in slow motion. It was more than a kite he was done with. There was a rip in their relationship I couldn't fix this time for Jax. He would have to be man enough to step to and do it himself. Or from this point forward, more distance was bound to grow between them.
However, I could help my baby feel better. Abel set in the chair playing with his fingers. "How about we order pizza for dinner?"
"No, thank you."
"You know, until daddy has time off from work, we could fly your kite together. Do you want to go to the park and do that, baby?"
"Okay." Abel had no enthusiasm to him. His excitement for it was completely gone.
After I strapped the boys in the car. I picked up Abel's kite. I cursed Jax all the way back to car for what he did to our son.
Well, I wasn't exactly the best kite flyer known to man. But we did get it up off the ground. Abel had more fun running around pulling it behind him. So, I let him be until it was time to go home.
In the parking lot, was a box of puppies. Abel had to pet each one of them. When they told him, take one home, we are giving them away for free. I cringed because I knew he would want one and he suffered enough let down tonight.
"Honey, I can't take on a puppy right now. Maybe later we can get you a dog."
"The puppy can protect me and Tommy from the bad people when they come. He can bark to warn us." I had to fight back the tears when it came out my son's mouth. Abel, at his young age, has learned what fear was and lived with it already they could hurt us. Just like I do.
"Abel, you're completely safe, baby. Mommy would never let anyone hurt you."
"I know. But what about when you're asleep? Daddy is never home to protect us." Now the tears were trickling down my cheek, I couldn't hold them back any longer. Not only had Abel formed his own opinion on our safety. But knew for sure Jax was never around or not at least when it counted the most.
"Hey, guys." I didn't even see Kyle and Cody standing behind us.
Slowly Kyle took Thomas out of my arms until I let go. "Why don't you guys come play with me and Cody? So mom can have a break." He looked back a couple of times while the boys ran ahead of him to go play.
The good cry I had didn't make me feel any better. But I wiped my face, got my act together and pulled my sunglasses down over my eyes to hide it. I would put on a smile because Abel caught on to a lot more than I originally gave him credit for.
Kyle was holding Thomas in his lap on the swing. I took my son back from him. "Thanks, for doing that. I guess you're wondering what Abel was talking about."
"Not really. Abel told me you go to where his daddy works on lock down when the bad people are trying to hurt everyone again. It's a lot of baggage for a little a boy to carry around."
"I know." There wasn't anything else I could say on the matter really.
We didn't stay to much longer before we got ready to leave. There was no way around not seeing the puppies again before making it to the car. So, I rolled with it.
"Please, Uncle Kyle."
"Please, Mommy." I stayed firm on the no we can't do this right now.
Kyle, however, couldn't. "I'll tell you what. I need a guard dog for my shop. I will take him home with me and you boys can share in taking care of him. That way you both have a dog and your moms don't kill me."
"You're such ole softy."
"Yeah, but don't tell anybody, Tara." I don't think I had too. Everyone could see what a good man Kyle was. The way he put other's feelings first and how much he loved Cody.
The boys were ecstatic about their little chocolate Labrador puppy they named George. I allowed Abel to ride with them to get some pizza. It was another decision call I made. I trusted Kyle with my son. The only problem I foreseen from it, was Jax.
The place we went to, I had never been before. It was a common hang out for Kyle and Cody. The boys rushed to eat so they could go play the games they had. We both gave them all the quarters we had.
The evening wasn't what I had expected but it turned out to better than I thought it would be. Abel was getting to be a kid, a worry free child like he was meant to be.
"Did you get a chance to read what I gave you?"
"I read it all twice. John Teller, was a very tormented soul when he was here. I don't expect he found much peace after he passed either. He was totally conflicted before he died."
"What do mean, Kyle?"
"He was search for something throughout his life, he never found. There were only two things he was adamant about; shutting down the club and saving his sons. Neither one of those things ever happened. Man, I'd love to sit down and have a rap conversation with that dude. All the shit he must have seen over there. Unfortunately, he served in a time when they didn't carry them around on a parade when they came home. Instead they got treated like shit and a disgrace to their country."
Kyle had so much insight for me on John. Stuff I hadn't thought of or knew for that fact. When I read JT's manuscript, I seen the words on the paper. Kyle, he was reading John's soul. "It was almost as though the club, was the brotherhood John had there and missed when he got out of Vietnam. People spit on them, threw garbage at them and they got labeled as baby killers. Some went into hiding and wouldn't ever admit they served in the war. While others became rebels because there was no way for them to fit within society any longer. With him, he rebelled against the rebellion and his government. A government which failed him and the other soldiers who came back from that war. He used the club to do it with. I can only assume; it's why they are called the Sons of Anarchy; because anarchy means a state of disorder due to absence or non-reconnection of authority. For John, he never reconnected with the general society again. The club was a society he created and fit in."
"Why would people call soldiers killers? They are fighting to survive in a war with their lives."
"Tara, a killer is a killer. Regardless if you're given an official government uniform to do it in or not. Do it once, the next time, it just gets easier. I think it was John's biggest problem. He wanted to fight the war still after he back home but not kill anymore. There was something, he couldn't find peace with and it came out on every page he wrote. He never gave specifics of it. But it's there. A piece of him never made it home from Vietnam."
"Is that how you feel too Kyle, a piece of you never made it home?"
"Semper Fi do or die, it's the code I live by baby. I got my crow tattoo because I believe they carry souls. I wanted them all I left behind in the war to have a safe passage to the promise land and hoped they found peace finally when they got there. The olive branch it has in its mouth is so maybe someday, I will find peace again too."
It was getting so late, I had to get the boys home. Even though I could have spent hours listening to Kyle talk about this. Abel hugged and petted George before we left.
The house was empty when we went in. To some degree, I was relieved by it and sad in other ways. I sat down in the rocking chair. Page by page I read again JT's manuscript. Only this time, I understood it better.
SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA
"Please, Mommy. Just for five minutes?"
This became Abel's every morning request. We stop and checked on George. I didn't mind because it made my son happy and he didn't seem bitter anymore towards Jax. If it kept my son's mind occupied from the bad shit, I was all for it.
Not that Jax even noticed to begin with. He spent most of his time the last couple of weeks working on the new gun distribution and keeping the club afloat. The kite never once crossed his mind. Just as I'm not sure how often he crossed Abel's anymore either.
As soon as Abel's little feet hit the ground, he took off running. He got the leash and took George for a walk around the front yard with it.
"I appreciate what you're doing for my son." Kyle knew the importance of what the puppy meant to Abel. More than just having a dog.
"Actually, I figured Jax would have cut you off from me by now."
"Jax wouldn't do that. I don't even know why you would say something like that for." I blew what Kyle said off. Jax and I had been getting along fine and he never brought up Kyle to me again.
"He will, it's coming. It is harder to control you Tara when you are outside of his circle. He uses it to manipulate you."
"Is that what you do to me too, Kyle, manipulate me?"
"Have I once asked you for anything? Or to do something you didn't want to do?"
"No, you haven't"
"Then I guess Tara, you answered your own question."
Gemma called me last night to let me know she had stuff to do today and couldn't watch the boys. She asked I stop by her house because she wanted to talk to me before I went to the Lodge. I was short on time and still needed to take the boys back home to meet Nitta. "Come on, Abel. We need to go honey. I'll see you in a little while, Kyle."
Gemma was smoking and met me at on the front step at her house for some reason. "If I were you Doc, I would swing by the clubhouse on the way to the Lodge."
"Why, is something wrong?"
"No, but there might be something you wanna see though." Gemma knew what the something was but didn't want to say it.
"Just tell me, Gemma."
"The Madame has been there every day this week, hanging out at the clubhouse."
"Is Jax fucking her?" I should be ashamed it was where my mind automatically went. With the past history, I wasn't though.
"I don't know, sweetheart, but I don't trust that bitch. She knows way too much about club business." Gemma wasn't the only one who felt Collette had ulterior motives with Jax and the club.
"Why didn't you tell me, Gemma?"
"I walk a delicate line around here. If I piss you off, you could hold the boys over my head. If I piss Jackson off, I lose everything." Gemma was caught between a rock and a hard place, I'll give her that much.
It infuriated me the more I thought about it. Well, wouldn't Jax be surprised when I just dropped by for a friendly visit. But I only thought I was pissed off until I walked in the clubhouse. There set Lyla with Jax, Collette and Charlie Barosky.
"Hey, there she is. The woman of the hour." Charlie addressed me in a strange way. I trusted him less than I did Collette.
"I'm sorry, Tara. Jax called and asked me to stop by the clubhouse this morning. I didn't know they would be here too." Lyla was honest most of the time. I had no reason to doubt what she said.
"We were just discussing how well you are handling the Lodge, babe and how proud I am of you." Jax had a sweetness to him and I so wanted to believe it was the only thing going on. But my gut told me different.
"Yeah, we're looking to clean up our act and make things more legit around Maggie's place. When you deal with guys from the docks, you get all kind of pieces of shit walking in the door."
"It's not your clientele, it is the type of women you present to them. You will always have shitty low life men ready to climb aboard on them for very little cash." I looked directly at Collette when I said it too. She smiled kindly back at me.
Her whole demeanor was off, especially with me. She sat closely to Charlie and hung on his every word. She didn't look at Jax once. Fuck, from watching them and listing to them talk, it was hard to tell who was shoveling the most bullshit out.
"I've got to go meet Nero. So, please excuse me." I gave Jax a kiss and made a quick exit. Lyla wasn't far behind me out the door.
"What really went on, Lyla?"
"Jax asked me to stop by because he wanted to talk to me. They were sitting at the table when I got here. Jax praised you and then you came in."
None of it made any sense to me. I might not have caught them doing anything today or understood what was going on yet. But, Gemma made a good point, I definitely needed to be paying more attention to what goes on around me. It would become a top priority of mine to find out what Collette was really up to.
"I'll see you at the Lodge, Tara."
"Okay."
There wasn't anyone around when I went inside. It was unusual for not at least one person to be nearby. Lyla finally appeared.
"Where is everyone?" Before she could answer me. Nero came out to get a bottle of whisky. "Kind of early in the morning to start drinking isn't it or is this going to be a bad day?"
"It's for Gemma. She's getting her engagement piercing." Nero shrugged his shoulders. "It's what she wanted."
"She said yes then?"
"She did. We're getting married." Nero was so happy. Lyle and I both took turns hugging him.
We followed after him to watch like the audience that had already gathered around. Nero handed Gemma the bottle and she took a big swig from it. She threw the sheet off of her and let everything hang out. She never had a problem showing off her body no matter how old she got.
"Are you ready, Gemma?"
"Yeah, let's do this shit."
Kyle put his gloves on and brought out the antiseptic wipe. Just about the time he grabbed a hold of it. Gemma arched her back and started moaning loudly. Immediately Kyle froze and his eyes got huge. He was quick to glance over at Nero.
"I knew I would get to you, sweetheart, sooner or later." We all busted up laughing. Kyle's face turned a beet red color. Him blushing was on the adorable side. His fear of what Nero would do to him, hilarious.
Nero and Gemma was applying for their wedding licenses today. Along with just spending some time together. I was happy for them. I truly was but somewhat green with jealousy of them too. They acted like two teenagers in love and were happy.
"I gotta couple of things to do before we leave Gemma."
"Take your time baby. I'll sit here and talk to Tara."
"Can I ask you a couple of questions about John?"
"I guess so." Gemma didn't seem thrilled about it but she didn't refuse either.
"The other night you said Clay changed the name of the spelling of the club after he took over. What did the w stand for in Sam Crow?"
"John was a complicated man; I've never known anyone to have the thought process the way he did. He wasn't highly educated by any means. But he would read for hours about anything and everything, just so he would know. No specific reason for it other than he wanted knowledge. When he formed the club, he wanted it to be a strong brotherhood. Since he served with Piney, it was more for them really. (S)ons of (A)narchy (M)otorcycle (C)lub (R)edwood (0)riginal (W)ithstands. The withstand part meant to John; to stand your ground against a powerful or a negative force, the government. Clay didn't get it or approve of it. So when he took over he dropped withstands from the name."
"How did Clay get to be a member of the club?"
"John couldn't get a job anywhere. No one would hire him because he served in Vietnam, he had long hair and rode a motorcycle. So I suggested we move back to my hometown, Charming. Clay had the garage his father left him and it was going under. He hired John to do side job for a little cash. Once John and Piney started riding with Lenny the Pimp, they started making some descent money. Clay wanted in on it. John bought half the garage from him and the club started operating out of there. Clay became a member with them. When bad shit needed to be done for the club and John couldn't bring himself to do it, Clay did it. Clay took over the club way before JT ever died."
"Do you think it's possible John suffered from the war with problems when he came home? Maybe a part of him was still there?"
"Oh yeah, there were times John would break out in cold sweat and wake up screaming in the middle of the night. Once he got it under control again, it would be a long time before it repeated. Everything he touched, he left a piece of himself there."
"Did you really love John?"
"I did. More so then Clay even. But John never loved me back in the same way. I think he loved me the best he could. He truly hated his life and most of the time, everything around him. He loved few and trusted fewer. He was completely dead on the inside before he died."
"He wanted to take the boys and leave Charming to save them. I almost understand where he was coming from. Why didn't he?"
"This is where your questions should end, sweetheart. Don't be like John and hate your life. You only get one." Gemma was done talking about. She got up and left. In so many ways Jax was similar to her. In others, they are worlds apart.
The rest of the day I spent contemplating all that happened over the last couple of weeks. What would happen in the future for my family. Was destiny something made or totally out of your control.
When my cell rang, it gave me something else to think about. "Margret, tell me this is good news."
"I think you will be pleased with the outcome. Come by my office tomorrow so we can talk about it."
The rest of the day, I was up in the clouds. My life could go back to semi normal soon. No one or nothing could ruin this for me. I picked by babies and we headed off to the pet store. Just like I promised my son we would.
Abel wanted to load down the cart with stuff for George. I couldn't fathom how a simple little puppy brought him so much joy. To be honest, I thought once the new wore off, he would get tired of taking care of it. But the whole experience seemed to help him learn responsibility. If all went well with Margret tomorrow. I was seriously considering getting Abel a puppy of his own.
We bought doggie toys, a brush and a cozy little bed for George. I argued with Abel he would grow out of it quickly and it was too small. But with Abel's come back, I threw it in the cart and he won. "Then we should put Tommy in a big boy's bed instead of a crib. George is a baby and needs love to, Mommy."
While Kyle was at work or at the Lodge, he put George in his shop with papers down. He still had to learn to not pee everywhere like he did on the carpet. Most of the time Kyle had the puppy beside him riding around in his truck. George was his new best friend.
"That is the coolest thing, Abel. George will love it buddy."
Abel was so careful when he picked George up off the towel he was laying on. Then laid him down gently on his new bed. It made me proud to watch my son be a good care giver.
"Well, we have to go. I'll see you tomorrow, Kyle."
It wasn't long after we got home so did Jax. He came in cussing up a storm. "Those mother fuckers."
"What's wrong?"
"A flock of damn crows followed me home. One of the mother fuckers dive bombed at me on the way in the house. Don't you think that's some strange shit?"
"Oh yeah, baby. It is some strange shit for sure." I laughed to myself. Perhaps, soon even, Jax and I could have an interesting conversation about crows.
The crows almost disappeared from around me since I saw the white faced one on Interstate 580. Occasionally, I would see one flying up above me. Now, I got it, they were familiarizing themselves with Jax and his schedule.
By the time I got the kids around and to bed. Jax was taking a shower. I watched the fog form on the door from the steam. He still looked good through it. I stripped down and went in.
I wrapped my arms around him from behind. When he turned around, he was fixated on my nipple ring. He didn't say anything to me but his mouth found it fast. He even lifted my body up against the shower wall as I put my legs around his body. He wanted better access to my breast. When he kept flicking his tongue over it, it did heighten the sensitivity of my nipple. My feet were finally back down on the shower floor.
Jax poured a bunch of shower gel all over my breast. He folded up the wash cloth for my knees to rest on the tile. We never had done this before and it was thrilling for me too. His cock pushed through my slippery soapy breast as he gripped them so hard in his hands. His thumb would rub my nipple ring in between thrust. Soon his cum squirted on me as his cock pushed through my breast one more time.
"Maybe we can do it again tomorrow night, babe?"
"Consider it a date Mr. Teller."
We were getting ready for bed when Jax asked the question. "Who pierced you?"
"Kyle."
The reaction Jax had was nothing like I expected it to be. He didn't seem mad at all and gave me a kiss good night. Before I knew it, we were making love again. And again he was fixated on my nipple ring.
SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA
Thing were better between me and Jax. He made several attempts to behave better and take an interest, especially when it came to me. I just had to push for him to do the same with our boys.
The entire time I've known Jax, he was never the romantic type. I woke up to a couple of love notes left on my pillow. Along with the surprise roses he came by and gave me at the Lodge last night.
This was another surprise morning for me. A small box was setting on the kitchen table with a big red bow on it by my coffee cup. It was a small gold loop nipple ring. I couldn't wait until I could put it in.
"Thank you, Jax. I love it."
"You're welcome babe. I'm think since you start back at the hospital next week, you won't need Kyle around anymore. You could go ahead let him go."
"Absolutely baby. Kyle is history. I will fire him this evening."
"That's my girl." Jax had a huge smile on his face while he kissed. Like he thought it was a victory.
Although before I went to leave I added on to what I said. "Just call me after you sever your ties with Collette and fire her. Then, I will get rid of Kyle." That was check and fucking mate to Jax. I was prepared to follow through on what I said and fire Kyle. But Jax wasn't being sly as he thought about what his motives really were. Now, it was on him what happened from here forward.
After I dropped off the boys, I went to the Lodge. I only had a short period of time left to do this. Next week I would start back at the hospital and put all this behind me. Not to mention, I had a huge nest egg built up now.
Only when I pulled up Lyla wasn't having a good day like I was. She was crying in her car. When she seen me, she got out of the car and took off towards the Lodge. I kept saying her name but she completely ignored me.
"Lyla, stop and tell me what's wrong."
"I overheard a conversation Jax had last night when he brought flowers by here to you. I think he is going to hurt Nero. I don't know what I should do. If I say anything and Jax finds out. I don't know what evi…"
"What evil shit he will do to you." I finished the sentence for her, since she couldn't or wouldn't.
"Yeah. I'm afraid to not tell Nero. But I'm afraid to tell him too because I know what he will do to Jax."
"I know what Jax will do as well. I won't say anything you told me about this. Exactly what did Jax say?"
"Jax was talking on his phone when I came outside. I don't know who he was talking to. He said to them, do it tomorrow night but to make you weren't anywhere near him when it went down."
My first thought was Jax wouldn't do that. But the last few times I said it, it was exactly what he done. "We'll figure out a way to watch over Nero tonight."
Lyla agreed with me. We weren't exactly sure how to pull it off yet but we would make it work. One person I knew would be on Nero's side, Gemma.
It was time to involve Gemma without getting her to involved with the situation. I gave her a personal invitation after I made arrangements with Nitta to stay with the boys. The big clincher for Gemma, was simple, I needed her to be with me tonight for support. In the end, she would be where every Nero was.
For hours after the Lodge opened, we waited and nothing came in a bad way. Not sign of Jax or the club. It was possible Lyla didn't have the correct time frame or they would wait until after the Lodge closed. If that were the case, there was nothing I could do to protect him.
"Goddamn it. That son of a bitch." Kyle was furious once he hung up from his call. He threw his phone against the wall and broke it. Rage wasn't something he ever displayed before.
"What's wrong?" Both Nero and I repeatedly asked him. He ignored us and stormed out the door.
"I'll be back soon." Nero was going wherever Kyle went and so was I. Lyla and Gemma had things under control at the Lodge.
The plan was to never hurt Nero. Kyle was Jax's intended target. Jax pretended as though everything was great with me, then went and did some outlaw shit. He blindsided me so I would never see it coming or suspect him of doing it.
Lights were flashing in front of Kyle's shop. The police were taking pictures of the scene. One talked to him as he sat on the curb pissed off. All the windows were broken out, glass shattered all around on the ground. Bottles of different colored tattoo ink covered everything. A lot of the shit from inside the shop was strung along the sidewalk and some of it laying out in the street.
"They killed my dog. Jax will pay for it." Poor Kyle, his voice was emotionless when he spoke. He wasn't the same fun loving guy, I grew to like and count on. Most of all, he wouldn't even look up at me.
Them destroying his shop didn't seem important to him at the time. From the door I seen what was though. George was laying twisted up in a pool of blood on the floor beside his doggie bed Abel bought for him.
On the wall they wrote out a message for Kyle in the puppy's blood; You are next bitch.
I hope you enjoyed reading me!
This will be it for a while my lovelies. Until I am done hosting the 2016 Better in Texas Fiction Awards. I might be able to squeeze in another chapter with the long weekend. But odds are, it will be a week or so before I update again.
I have an author friend who writes the SOA too. We converse back and forth on our stories and she knows how much I adore her. She asked me who I envisioned when I wrote Kyle. His name is Jessie Pavelka and I put him as the story banner on here. I'll change it back later. His body art just makes him appealing to me and not to mention he is smoking hot too!
These are just a few of my favorite, fantastic authors and their stories, who are nominated in the contest. Once the voting poll is open this weekend, I will post it to my profile page. Don't forget to show them some love.
SOA AUTHORS:
Last Of the Ole Lady's by Lady Ramona
Little did they know by Samantha Renk
Little Toy Guns by girl-at-jome13
The Unmarried Soul by elbeewoods
SOA CROSSOVERS:
Bella Teller by decadenceofmysoul
Fire Fire by hardy101
My Best Friends by Emmetts Girls
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